Coy U. Bolick
an exerpt from:
DO YOU HEAR
WHAT I’M SAYING ?
There is a trolley proposed for the city of Charlotte, North Carolina. It’s need is about as
necessary as a Black & White wide screen plasma television – it might be nostalgic but hardly
worth the effort or the cost.
With the uptown and downtown of Charlotte expanding out into the city, it seems more revenue
will be generated for the coffers of the prison investors. The new county jail is almost completed.
Reserve your spot today in the new county jail – you’ll understand that most of the federal and
state money allocated to feed and house you is barely 1/10 of what is actually spent. Hmm, you
say there’s also a new coliseum being built in the immediate area of the new county jail? Won’t
have to transport them very far to feed their coffers, will they?
Every major city should have county commissioners like ours. Please, take a few. Who will
be the first to start the bidding? We’ll let them go individually. Sold! to the women with her
husband’s hand over her mouth. If your name is Jim, you must stay and serve your sentence.
Hello: Aloha: Shalom. Howdy! My name is Coy U. Bolick. Please
forget U. I am writing an article entitled: The Trolley without a Folly. It
will be placed in Book 11 entitled “Do You Hear What I’m Saying” and
will be on my website “WeTalkTooMuch.com.” I have lived within one
block of Woodlawn Road for over 50 years. I have met some of my
neighbors who told me a trolley would be coming through soon. I have
been standing on the corner for several years wondering why the trolley
is late. Being a friendly and easy going person I will continue to look
and pray. Mostly look because he might come through while I am
praying. I hope the ads will say we go anywhere in the world. See the
World! I have always wanted to see the world anywhere except on a
globe. I do suffer from Old Timers, Parkinson, Arthritis, high blood
pressure, and bad credit. I can’t drive a trolley but I can Ring a bell.
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. Some of us like the
President Mucho and the state of Taxes Mucho. Say Bush likes taxes
three times. Bush likes taxes three times. Good! Bush’s Daddy said,
“No New Texas,” and the people sent him to Taxes on 3 third class
tickets. One for Big Bush. One for Mamma Bush, and one for their
hybrid dog. Say no new Texas three times. Say No New Taxes three
times. Good. What is a man called who rings a bell? Yes, a ringer! If
the twin brother of a ringer rings a bell, falls off a building and is killed,
what is he called? A dead ringer! If a woman rings the bell she is just a
ringer or a 1st class Ding-a-ling. You ain’t nothing but a wiener.
The Charlotte Trolley may not go to heaven or to the Airport. Riders must
have good soft Souls and Comfortable shoes. This trolley has only 6 rules
for operation and a thousand suggestions. These do not necessarily contain
all of the bylaws and commandments. The six are (1) pay up (2) sit down
(3) sit back (4) buckle up (5) shut up (6) hang on.
Mr. Parks Helms. Does anyone here know him? You have heard of him!
An “X County Commishoner.” My Daddy usta be one of them things.
They said he was the thing. I sold Mr. Daddy Helms some property back
in the 70’s. He told me he knew how much I paid for the land. I told him I
too was a prophet (false) and not only did I know how much I paid for the
land, but also how much he would pay. He offered to pay by legal tender,
money, or check. I made the right choice by taking a personal check. I
was afraid money or legal tender might bounce. I understand Mr. Helms is
a good man to deal (Wheel n deal) if it isn’t election time. Mr. Helms will be
at the dedication of the Trolley if he lives that long. He explained the
difference between a Tax and a Fee. He said in simple language – Taxes is
for you and a fee is for me (UOME). He explained to us some bible. Make
love to your neighbor and be careful around his wife. He said, “No eating,
not much drinking, no flash photography.” [That must be his restrictions
on the trolley] I heard rumors that the Trolley will eventually go to Helms
Park on Lawyer’s Road in Mint Hill. I am the Man, who has his hands,
upon the Man, behind the Man, who rings the bell, releases the brakes, on
the trolley. Ring the bell. Ding-a-ling, toot-toot. Quack, quack. Parks
Helms, you don’t give a toot. TOOT-TOOT. Don’t pollute.
Vernon Simpson: Vernon is a peach of a person if you like peaches. Many
years ago he bought a nice tact of Real Estate on South Blvd. North of a
Duke Power supply depot and Lance Cracker Company (service station
steaks). He owned this entire area for years which was also a rail siding
and R/WS to maybe Duke and C/PN. One day the city built a road called
Independence Blvd. And did close the railroad. The City bought from the
people of Charlotte this Rights of ways Under the Quit Claim Deed telling
Vernon to quit whatever he was doing on his property and to the bad
people once and the good ones twice. Vernon built a lighthouse and
warehouse on his property for the selling of lights. I believe the city is
trying to turn off his lights. Vernon’s property has been sequestered,
borrowed, condemned, stolen, and subjected to House #14-16. Ouch, it
hurts. As a Real Estate broker I looked up the rights of any man. The
Constitution says any man has the rights to life, liberty, and the Pursuit of
Happiness. I found Life, liberty, and Property to be the case. Also the Beg,
Borrow, and Steal Clause. Vernon’s only defense is the Walking Cane. It
never goes alone or he without it. If you mess with his ducks or lights, he
will give you a quack on the head. Quack, quack. Vernon’s disposition
won’t let him accept charity and his pride won’t let him steal.
I am the big man, who has his hand, on the big man, behind the man,
who rings the bell, hits the brakes, on the trolley. Ring the bell, Ding-
a-ling, TOOT-TOOT. Quack. Only one quack here, Taxes are Cheep.
So is Texas.
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a doorbell?
A real hum-dinger.
For School Bored Candidates
I asked one Politician if he were married. He said, “Yes.” I asked if his wife
was married and he looked at me like I was crazy. All I want to know is
how sex enters the trolley business. Probably under one of the doors like
everything else. The main problem we have in schools is discipline. The
board of Ed applied to the seat of learning and started on the bottom and
was going to the top – a good recipe for hickory tea. Room for
advancement! Can’t be beat. My dad was one of those. He said a pat on
the back-side worked wonders provided it was hard enough, often enough,
and low enough. If you are running for the Bored of Ed or the County line
you should take my advice and not say, “Back to the basics.” How basic
do you want? To Readin, Writin, and Cipherin (Arithmatic) talk to the
tune of a hickory stick. That might be too basic. Remember the only thing
ever to be mandated by the NC Legislature to be taught to children in its
schools is thrift. This one credit course is required for all grades K thru
13. I guess this is why the legislature walks around with their palms up.
God gives credit but the legislature wants cash. Take a 12’ log, put a
teacher on one end and a student on the other end – this might suit your
budget. One night we slipped into the classroom and put a 4 foot stump
under the center of the log. We made a saw-see (Escape #1) to go up and
down. You may not have recognized the saw-see, and by error called it a
see-saw. No! No! No! Saw-SEE. I am the woman, who has her hands,
on the hands, of the man, behind the man, who rings the bell, on the
trolley / ring the bell, Ding-a-ling, TOOT-TOOT. You do give a toot, you
ding-dong. After all a woman did save the human race. Dainty, cute, and
full of figs. Bologna hadn’t been invented yet.
Mike Constano, City Council: I like your New Picture Poster. What
happened to your horns? I noticed you put up only two posters and they
were upside down. I put some sugar into your decaf coffee. I kissed it
twice on the way up. Our results are the same. We get there in different
ways. We advertise our weakest points first. The selling of sign space and
the Traffity space will be bringing in some good income. We are already
improving the appearance of Charlotte and razed a number of ugly
businesses and lots of good ones too. To have a mess one must make a
mess. I must confess this wasn’t cheep. Hey baby, want to have fun?
Take the lottery, I mean the trolley and not the bus. We are already hiring
employees for the System’s Construction. Men and women from down
South are filling jobs at an alarming rate. Some workers are still wet from
the swim. Our motto is, “If God takes you to it, He will take you through
it.” If He doesn’t take you through it, then you are not two it.
I understand there is a big hole in the fence along the Texas, Arizona,
and California borders. It’s called New Mexico. If you ride to that there
Promised Land there has never been a horse that couldn’t be Rode and
a Cowboy who couldn’t be throwed. Thank God I am a Country Boy.
The reason I know I am a Country Boy is my dad found some crickel
burrs in my diaper.
I am the man, who has his foot, on the feet, of the Man, who stops the
trolley, behind the Man, who rings the bell. Ring the bell, Ding-a-ling,
TOOT-TOOT. You are nothing other than being a big dog. Greyhound.
I am just a bus.
Mr. Jim Puckett, or should I address this to your Magnificent wife? I
understand you can’t be bought or sold! Maybe loaned. Your wife may
have said she wouldn’t take a million dollars for you and wouldn’t give a
plugged nickel for another one just like you. Jim,I really like the way you
address an audience. You speak with such authority. Thursday is
tomorrow. I could hear you at the Skyland all the way from the dining
room to the bathroom. I could also hear the waitresses screaming at
some nut to close his bathroom door. Jim, I want to give you some advice.
Old men like me don’t lose it. Young men like you don’t choose it. God is
all you need until He is all you got. Start Knocking on doors. I taught
School Law at ASU in 74. That is 1974. I wrote the Rights and Privileges
of the Handicapped Child in NC. This was one of the first ever written on
this subject. This gave handicapped children an opportunity to learn.
There are a few choice phrases I wish to hand down to you. Your Trolley
rights end where my nose begins (unless you have a big lasnozal). A
child’s rights to ride a trolley doesn’t end at the school house door (neither
at the trolley door). Now the real kicker is that you made a statement that
you will support anything that doesn’t have a tax on it. In case the trolley
doesn’t have a tax on it, what kind (brand) of catsup do you like with your
new felt hat? Heinz? I am behind you, Jim. Way behind you. In case you
don’t eat all your hat, please share it with the winners along with sharing
your sympathy too. You ain’t nothing but a big success.
I am the Man, who has his foot, on the neck, of the Man, who stops the
trolley, and rings the bell, and blows a whistle. Ring the bell, Ding-a-
ling, TOOT-TOOT. Nice ding-a-lings and Whistle Blowers.
P.S. Jim, Every man has the right to life, liberty, and Property. The
tithe to the church is only 10% while the tithe to the IRS is 46%. The
rest goes to your wife for buying a new mink coat where she can save
you hundreds of dollars on this valuable fur. When you take her to
church on July 4th, ask her not to hop out of the car and not to hop
into the church for several reasons – for several seasons too.
I am a happy American and proud to be free. I have been well-blessed
with things I don’t need, things that won’t fit, and things I can’t use. It
is the luck from the Far East. I ask them why they don’t go home? I
ask why are we giving the land of Israel away? The Israelites have
covenants and deeds to cover more than their present ownership. If you
aren’t careful, David will quack you in the head with Vernon’s walking
machine. The CIA and Bush have been accused of destroying New
Orleans. I did a small construction job there in 1959 and the place
didn’t look so hot then. This is one city where you could spend yourself
rich in a short time. Just give Bush a chance and he will leave you a
place of everlasting beauty. If the Rapture were to come today, many
people would say Bush did it and was in hiding. I got up this morning
intending to do something profound. I reached down on the floor, pulled
up my trousers that seemed to be much too large for me and said, “Lord,
you and I are going for a ride on the trolley today.” A small voice said, “If
you don’t get my slacks off, you won’t be able to ride a ferry. A Store
Manager named Barry reprimanded me for giving out dot Com Cards. He
said, “There is a time and place for everything.” I cashed his check. I
said, “The time is now and the place is here.”
P.M. Find things that won’t work besides you. Safety first: Flush
twice, it is a long ways to the administration building.
I found out that the hand that stops the trolley is the one that blows the
whistle. Would that be Don Reid who has a favored ridership? I don’t
care if it is a whistle or a thistle. Much to my chagrin the one who stops
the trolley usually wears a silly grin.
Suggestions when stopping the trolley:
Please stop this dumb trolley – I forgot my umbrella. If you arrive
safely, get down and give your humble thanks. Be sure to dub your
stubs and Butts.
The best thing about the Trolley is it can be pulled by 12 goats or 2
mules in emergency situations, or you can take an Arab taxi (donkey).
A few years ago there appeared a wonderful man into the Charlotte Political
scene wearing a zoot suit with a noggin full of horse sense and a multitude of
other things. He is almost the same as Puckett except he don’t talk as loud.
He doesn’t make you want to take out your hearing aids especially if you
aren’t wearing any. He is the man who holds the locks to the Trolley. His
title is “The Lock Man.” He heard General Grant shout, “I want a volley of
fire next to the out houses.” The northern soldiers thought he said a trolley
of fire and they started pulling wagon wheels and putting them on the
outhouses which, were lined up North and South. Since God is being taken
out of everything else, they made sure he wasn’t in one of these new trolleys.
Instead of using a Natural power or fossil fuel supply, they would use a newly
designed “do nothing” machine. This mechanism is like most people who
want work and do nothing. The character of this machine is to spin wheels
and spend money. Their shape now is likened to a coffin with two seats in
them. Each one carries a sign which says, “Don’t Rock Yo Box.” These
contraptions try to break all the laws of Thermodynamics, Thermodynatics,
and Polytheistics. The final feature is the hydraulic used is likened to
sending a check to one of the banks. The wheels on a trolley go Round
Round Round, round round round, Round Round Round. The wheels on a
trolley go round round round on this Sunday morning.
Lockman, unlock the door. I am the Man, who unlocks the doors, who
has his hands, upon the Man, behind the Man, who rings the bell, and
blows a whistle, Ding-a-ling, TOOT-TOOT. Whistle blower-Whistle blower.
Lock up, Lock down. Lockman. You aren’t anything but a hound dog.
We need to close the trolley. I lost the key. You lost the key!!! I told you
to use 20–Mule Team Borox and bacon grease.
You are in luck. I live in Parish or Ward 6. That is your ward also. My
name is “People Talk Too Much.com” and I am going to help you get
selected. Change your name to Candy Andy and everyone will identify with
Marsh Mallows and suckers. We are Realtors Past and Present. We are
always ready, willing, able, and careful. By Capitulating you can win and
being well off helps as long as you aren’t off Both rockers. I would challenge
the MAYER to a duel, which is two. I would say, “Mr. (what’s his name)
MAYER, if you can guess how many coins I have in my hand I will give you
both of them. Strategy: I wouldn’t have but one. He might get lucky. I
would tell council member John Taybor there are three kinds of voters.
There are Republicans and there is et cetra. Now I forgot to ask you if you
have a certain Party affiliation. If you do you can rub a dub, three men in a
tub. If you are not a Goper, what in the Devil are you doing at Skyland
Restaurant on Thursday morning at 7:00 with egg on your face? In 1955
Jim McDuffie and I were coaches at Sedgefield Jr. High. I knew Jim was
destined to be famous. Then in 1956 we got a good coach and Jim went
into the insurance business. Jim was our representative on the Demo side
and facing ERA. I must have caught him between the bathroom and the
Post Office because the 14-page dissertation changed his opinion of our
terrible situation in North Carolina. Jim McDuffie and a stimuli defeats the
unequal rights amendment by one vote – his. Total cost, 22¢ and the
election. Write “Under God” on all correspondence. Put “In God We Trust.”
Thank God for He and the GOP and the mule party. Jim you aren’t
anything but an Oscar Mayer all beef hot dog, plain and simple. How much
insurance can I put on that? How much assurance can I get from you?
Lockman, Lockman, where is the key? Don’t you give it to anyone but
me. Candy Man, you have a lovely family. I would use them to win this
election even the family pet, Old Scratch. Having a beautiful wife will
help and I would give her an all-day sucker to keep her as content as
Daisy. Your boys look like good ding-a-lings and TOOT-TOOTs. I would
give each one an object to play and I would get me an arm full of wife
and watch those votes come in and the chad fall to the carpet. Say, God
loves this family seven times. God loves this family seven times. Thank
you! May God bless America. Your turn scratch! I am the man who is
behind the man who locks the door behind the man who rings the bell
and blows a whistle Ding-a-ling, toot toot, scratch scratch. These are the
best ding-a-lings I’ve had Quack Quack, scratch scratch, toot toot.
Will you please get rid of that sucker? Which one? Remember, the wife
has a McCrory three. If everyone would write Under God on all
Correspondence it would Happen. In God we trust! You are nothing but
a can of weiney wieneys (hot dogs) and you can count the beans. Candy
always remembered who renamed your wonder dog and that you have
been selected and not elected. Hope no one jumps out from “The Bush”
and Bush-whacked you! In God you better trust. This valuable writing
is worth a donation. Thus far the gifts have been less than thrilling. The
check is in the mail! None have arrived in more than a year.