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I probably should have wrote you this a long time ago. I guess I am a
bit of a coward when it comes to being honest where I know someone will
get a hurt. That someone being you. I want a divorce and there is no
hope of you and I ever reconciling…you know that in your heart but I’ve
never said it outright.
For the last 7 months I was in a relationship. A serious one. It
started out light hearted and for fun but we became very close. So
close in fact it was too intense for both of us and we mutually called
it off. It wasn’t easy for me. I am in love with this man Lee and
broken- hearted not having him in my life anymore. We stay connected to
each other through emails and the occasional coffee together, I don’t
want to let go yet. It is a love that I have never felt for anyone in
my life and for that reason as well as many others I know I am ready to
go through with an official divorce. It’s obvious that I want full
custody of Selby. You know I would never deny you access to her and
will do what I can to ensure she knows you and sees you. I don’t want a
hassle or any emotional traumas from this…I want a clean and healthy
break. I will get papers drawn up here and send them down as soon as I

I know you know in your heart this is how it was going to be but you
still call me your wife and “baby” like we are still a couple, and we
are not. I care for you. You were a special part of my life Lee but you
are not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. The man I
spoke of is and I pray that in time when we are both ready that fate
will bring us together again. He is the one I have been searching for
all my life, I am just not ready for him. He had a ten year marriage
and a bitter divorce, he is not ready either. We are connected to each
other on every level of our beings, emotionally, intellectually and
sexually. I don’t say these things to dig the knife deeper so to speak.
I just want to be clear about this…don’t think it is you for me because
its not. And I know in my heart that you are not and I believe in
myself, my instincts and no one else’s anymore. I am my own person
again. I have looked after Selby, found my calling in a career that I
love and one that will provide us with financial security and soon we
will be living on our own. I want my independence and my name back.
Selby will continue to use Sawyer, not me.

I am sorry I have been such a coward and selfish really for not dealing
with this sooner. I don’t want to live in Hilton Head. My home, my
family and friends are here. I have been afraid to hurt you I guess and
afraid to deal with the consequences and perhaps too selfish and lazy
to bother? It was wrong and I want to correct that now. We are friends
Lee, we share a daughter together but I don’t love you. Not in a way
you want me to. I care for you very much. That’s all I can ever give
you from my heart, it will never change.
I expect you to call pissed off and nasty, I hope that you don’t. I am
working hard right now to change my life around and to build something
for Selby and me. I am emotionally devastated over the loss of my
friend and lover and trying to deal with that in a positive and healthy
way. So that it doesn’t affect my relationship with my child or my job.
I hope that you can respect that and my decision and work with me on
this not against?
Sorry if this letter hurts. I don’t want that Lee. I just need to be
honest with you and I want you to be able to go with your life. I’ve
moved on from our marriage and our time together and I want you to do
so also.
I suspect I will hear from you soon. I don’t want to “discuss” this.
I’ve made my decision and I’m not going back on it, ever.


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