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How Do You Overcome Your Reluntance to Call or Connect
The following is a transcription of notes taken as part of one of eleven seminars held during an Open Space Networking Session on November 20 2007 at the Living Arts Centre in Mississauga. The complete notes of all eleven seminars are also available at article F -052. The November 20 seminar was the first in an ongoing series of Open Space Networking meetings held from time to time at HAPPEN. Notes from other such meetings are also available from the I nformation Table and the Resource Documents section of the HAPPEN Web site. For example, the notes from the February 2008 meeting held in Burlington are found at F-058.
Notes from the session: Initiator: Hal Hagan Other Participants: Not listed Summary of the Discussion (Key ideas, conclusions, suggestions): Reluctance to call, to make new connections, can be one of the greatest psychological hurdles for the job-seeker. Some people, the shy or introverted, can find this to be a major problem. For them, it’s like fear of public speaking, but writ small – they see it as impromptu public speaking to one person at a time, several times a day, day after day until they get the opportunity to ace that key interview that gets us the job. Others, those who have always been effective networks, public speakers or have an extroverted personality can thrive on it. So, for those for whom this is a problem, how do we overcome a fairly natural reluctance to reach out and connect to others.
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Let’s take a look at some aspects of this problem: You’re unsure what to say You’re unsure how to start Need to overcome shyness You find it hard to get “warmed up” You find it hard to stay motivated and productive How to develop comfort and purpose for making the call (Plan, Purpose) How to know where our reluctance comes from? What aspect of our personality, or our sense of preparedness is causing the reluctance? How to be sure you’re comfortable that you have something to offer the person you’re calling? After all, the call should not be one-sided (I need…) How long is it taking you to get over the loss of the last job? How do you stop enjoying job transition? How do you overcome disappointment at being out of work Side Discussions: The information meeting format may be wearing out – what alternatives are there? Some interesting sites to check out: www.petersnewjobs.com , www.eluta.ca , BoardMatch for finding volunteer board member opportunities can be found at: http://www.boardmatch.org
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Recommendations: Remind yourself of the consequences of not acting, not connecting. Be especially clear on how long you can financially afford to be out of work and ensure that this is kept as an element of motivation. Don’t let yourself become desperate sounding, however. When vacillating on whether to make a call: Don’t say “no” on their behalf by not making the call. Not making the call guarantees that you don’t make the connection, whereas it’s at least 50/50 if you do make the call. Give yourself the opportunity to succeed or fail based on your efforts. Don’t presume you might be rejected – yours might be the call that will make a huge difference for them! If you get a “no”, so what? It’s a certainty there will be some rejection and some dead-ends. Accept that this can and will happen, then move on. Make that next call. Dress in business garb for a phone interview. You’ll sound and f eel professional because you look professional. Stay well -groomed, in top form. Stand while talking. It helps in speaking more powerfully, aids in breath control. Smile when talking – a smile can be heard over the phone, and when your face is smiling, y our mood is improved. Use a buddy system. This helps with personal accountability. Get, and give, a friendly nudge in the right direction. This should be someone who understands you and the situation you’re in. The person should be positive, firm, but non-judgmental. Do something different. If a given methodology is not producing positive results, be prepared to find a different way.
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Eliminate distractions. It’s far too easy to make oneself busy with things which don’t increase your networking success. Try as much as possible to keep your day open for networking, and leave the chores for the evening. If you were working, your job would be your daytime commitment. Make networking your daytime commitment and keep the busy work for weekends and evenings. Turn off the computer, or limit when you use it to specific times. It’s OK to answer emails after hours. Be careful not to let “busy work” at the computer replace effective networking. Monitor how long you spend at the computer, and move that number downward by staying focused. Unplug the TV. It’s a near certainty there’s nothing on it that will help in your job search. When you connect, have a purpose for the call. Script this out if that helps. Be clear on why you’re connecting with a given contact, so that you can speak confidently and to the point. Prepare for, and plan each call until you’ve got the process down pat. Get out of the house! Unless employers and network contacts are beating down your door, they won’t be found in your house. Dress well, spend time researching. Set a call quota. Start with a workable figure (one or two networking calls a day should be do-able), then grow that figure as you become more comfortable and you get more leads. Make sure to reward yourself for hitting your target, especially in the early stages – it will reinforce the habit. Make sure you have your 30-second introduction down pat. Practice it alone. Stand in front of a mirror. Tape record it, or better yet video-tape it if you have the equipment to do so.
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Categorize your contacts into “safe” (they’ll take a call from you pretty much anytime), “warm” (they know you somewhat, or are referred by mutual friends or contacts), and “cold” (you don’t know them and they don’t know you). Cold calls are often the most difficult to make – there’s a sense that you’re taking their valuable time. In cold calling, be especially clear on what you can offer them so that you’re giving value in calling them – that makes the call much easier to make. Become an expert. Write articles, develop an expert view on topics of interest. One way of opening a discussion with a contact is to be (genuinely) working on an article, for which you’d like to get quotes from people within the industry or having the experience or knowledge. Many people like the idea of being quoted, or considered expert in their field. Start connecting with “low risk” contacts. Get feedback from them. Add Value: Be willing to share your network, make introductions. Listen and ask open-ended questions. Stay positive and manage your moods. People are naturally drawn to those who are genuinely upbeat, positive and engaging, and are naturally reluctant to spend time with those who are negative, bitter, downcast. Bear in mind that unexpected and unplanned events of all kinds happen to us, but only we “own” how we react to those events. We can as easily choose to be upbeat, positive and future-focused as we can choose to feel negative, downcast or beaten. Bear in mind that people generally enjoy helping others. It’s really quite remarkable. Who among us would not jump into a river to save a child? Who among us would not give a fellow Happenite a few minutes time over a coffee, if you could see that you can do some good?
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It’s really a question of degree. Almost all people (sociopaths aside) like to help others – it’s what has made the better side of humanity what it is. Help others to help you, by being able to articulate HOW they can help. If you’ve just lost your job and don’t know which direction to take, maybe all you need at that moment is a sympathetic listener. If you’re clear on your path, let your connections know exactly what you need, how they can help you. Get into organizations where you’ll naturally meet and connect with others. Some ideas: Toastmasters, various service clubs. Volunteer your time while you’re in transition – you can meet all kinds of people while you’re improving the world.