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					BattleStar Trojans
Docking Procedure and Protocol Guidelines

                             Another Stella production

This short guide will tell you everything you need to know for your
interstellar trip to BattleStar Trojans. A timetable of events, the match
schedule and a few ground rules to make sure everyone has a safe and
happy stay.

We did this last year for Disneyland Trojans, everyone had a good time,
most of the same teams are coming back, but word has spread like
Chlamydia, and this year we have 20 teams.

This year we have three pitches on site, 4 bars, and one floodlit campsite.

May the Force be with you.

                  +++ Docking Procedure +++

The first day of the festival is Good Friday, the 21st of March.
There will be a reception area set up on the balcony at the front of the
clubhouse from 9am onwards where the team captains need to come and
register. Please bring along the balance of your payment (either cash or
cheque made out to Trojans Hockey Club) and we will give you your
individual match schedule and wristbands for entry into the evening
The tented basecamp is set up on one of our rugby pitches and someone
will be on hand to show you where you can set up camp. If you want to
keep your vehicles next to your tent that is fine, but please do not then
move them from the campsite – if you want to go on and off site, please
leave a vehicle in the car park for that purpose to avoid damaging the
pitch and endangering pedestrians in the area. Please drive carefully on
the grass areas at all times.

If you wish to dock with us on the evening of Thursday the 20th to extend
the punishment your liver will be receiving, please let us know by phone
or e-mail (Rob on 01794 341793 or A
number of our own teams will be here and we will make sure someone is
available to show you what’s what.

The first matches will be at midday on Friday and the bar will be open
well before that!
                     +++ Food and Drink +++

The main bar will be open from 10.30am all the way through to 1.00am
each day of the festival, serving all the usual sorts of blackcurrant
flavoured beverages as well as some intergalactic cocktails and Guinness
for people with beards. The kitchens will be open all day every day,
serving breakfast from 8.30am till 10.00am, bar food through the day and
evening meals from 6.00pm till 8.30pm. There will be an independent
emergency burger pod available until the early hours at the tented
basecamp for all your post-beer needs!

There will be in the region of 250 -300 aliens attending so if you all want
a burger at 6pm, or if you all want 2 buckets of space soup at 9pm you’re
going to have to wait.

                    +++ Event Timetable +++

Friday 21st March

9.00am – 1.00pm           Arrive and register – set up tented basecamp.
                          Bar opens at 10.30am

1.00pm                    First matches commence, you’ll al get one
                          game in the afternoon

5.30pm                    Festival Game – Jedi’s vs’ The Sith
                          Captains please nominate a force for good and a
                          force for pure evil from amongst your players!

8.00pm                    We Have Lift-off. Drink and dance the night
                          away with our DJ until 1.00am. Purple Space
                          Soup available in sixteen pint buckets! Return
                          to basecamp with a strangely attractive member
                          of some alien species…..
Saturday 22nd March

Bar and Kitchens open all day (bar from 10.30am, kitchens from 8.30am
for breakfast)

10.00am                   Matches commence and continue all day until
                          approx. 6pm

8.00pm                    The Big Bang
                          The main event – with DJ and Live Band until
                          the early hours. Please feel free to dress up in a
                          traditional costume of your species. There will
                          be prizes for best individual fancy dress and
                          best team effort!

                          In order to win the prizes, imagination, humour,
                          pritt stick and bribery will be required.

Sunday 23rd March

Bar and kitchens open all day for booze and food

10.00am                   Matches start again (oh dear God, why?)

4.00pm                    Semi-Finals

5.30pm                    Final and 3rd/4th place playoff

8.00pm                    The Eagle Has Landed
                          Presentation of awards and a final chance to
                          dance about like idiots and drink until we fall
                          over, accompanied by our DJ until 1am

Monday 24th March

The kitchens will be open in the morning to serve you a hearty breakfast
(if you feel up to it) before you blast off for your home system. For those
who just don’t want it to end, the bar will be open until the afternoon at
which point the bar manager and all his staff will be checking themselves
in for therapy.
                       +++ Match Rules +++

This is a mixed tournament and is of course meant to be extremely light-
hearted and fun – anyone taking it or themselves too seriously will be
launched out of an airlock – but there are a few rules which need to be
followed (at least as long as anyone is looking):

   1. The eleven players on the pitch for each team must consist of four
      men, four women and three players of either sex. Special
      dispensation will almost certainly be made in the case of male
      players willing to wear skirts and wigs.
   2. Each match will be 25 minutes each way and will therefore fit into
      an hour slot – please be on time for your matches as late starting
      games will have to be cut short so the following match can start on
   3. First named team must provide a match ball, second-named team
      must change shirts if there is a clash.
   4. Umpires will be provided for all matches, but on the off chance
      that they get as drunk as you do, we ask you to be flexible and be
      able to umpire your own games fairly should the need arise, so
      please bring a whistle just in case!
   5. Normal rules of hockey apply at all times, but bear in mind that the
      umpires will be joining in the spirit and playing plenty of
      advantage. While we wholeheartedly embrace the abuse of
      umpires, please try not to take this too far!
   6. Both team captains should report the result to the festival
      organisers on the balcony of the clubhouse where there will be a
      hi-tech, self updating, chalk-based league table and results board as
      well as a large copy of the playing schedule for those of you who
      have lost your copy.
                      +++ Ground Rules +++

There are just a few ground rules we ask you to take into consideration
while you are here – please respect the work carried out by our grounds
staff and try to leave areas in a state in which you would like to find
them. We are responsible for your safety, so please try and help us by
doing the following.

         o No Smoking on the Astroturf
         o Please place all litter in the bins provided. We will give each
           team some bin bags when you arrive
         o Please do not walk across the cricket wicket
         o No barbecues, open fires, or fireworks allowed on site –
           remember you are camping on a rugby pitch and they prefer
           to play on grass not ash!
         o For your own safety please stay away from the lake in the
           woods at the rear of the campsite, especially at night – the
           water is very deep
         o Please only park in designated areas – if you wish to park on
           the campsite area, please leave your vehicle there for the
           weekend and use a different vehicle to go on and off site.
         o Keep the lane alongside the astro pitch and emergency
           access clear at all times.
         o DO NOT drink and drive – either on the campsite or in the
           car parks. Anyone doing so will be ejected.
         o Do not take any glass bottles onto the grass pitches
         o Do not bring your own alcohol into the clubhouse
         o No matter how drunk you are, or how cold it is, you are not
           allowed to sleep overnight in the clubhouse.

                         +++ First Aid +++

There are first-aiders on site in the clubhouse all weekend and there will
be roving first aiders around the pitches. However, in the event of serious
injury, you MUST phone 999 and ask for an ambulance. If you are on the
main pitch by the Trojans clubhouse the address is Trojans Club,
Stoneham Lane, Eastleigh. If you are on pitch 2, the other side of the
trees, the address is Wellington Sports Ground, Stoneham Lane,
             +++ Checklist prior to Countdown +++

    Balance of payment owed (£30/£15 per head player/non-player,
     less deposit paid)
    Nominations for Jedis vs. The Sith (especially those of you with
     particularly evil or do-gooder goalkeepers – the latter will be hard
     to find, I fear)
    Fancy dress for The Big Bang – any clichéd sci-fi related theme
     will do!
    Enough money to buy Obi-Wan a beer or two.
    Your Trojan Condoms. Brand loyalty is important.

Cheers, and see you next week

Obi wan (Rob)
Obi two (Campbell)
Obi three (Pete)

                                                                             Ablution pods

                                           Rehydration Pod B                                   Pod C

                                                               The Engine Room

                             Low gravity                                                              Evacuation
                                                                Rehydration Pod A
                                Pod                                                                      pods

                                                                        Entry Airlock pod
                                Space walk Pod                                                          pod

 The SS Trojan.    A type 32 fully equipped battle cruiser
                Where have we
             parked the SS Trojan?
                                                     SS Trojan

                                     Astro Field 3
                                       The first
                                                                      Field 1

             Astro                                                    Tented
             Field 2                                                   base

Which Galaxy are we in?



                                        SS Trojan

  McDonalds                    27
  + cash point

                               J5                                         Club

                             Battle Star Trojans 2008

                                    Captains log

  We have two pools of ten teams, you will all play four games against members of
your pool, leading to a pool position which will then be modified according to if you
 played 4 of the better teams or four of the worse teams. A complicated bonus point
            system will ensure that this is all fair and totally above board.
                Bribery is allowed but will not influence the position.

 You will then play a final 5th game against your equivalent level team in the other

 After the 10 play off games we will see if the dark side has finally triumphed, or if
some of you are made of the right stuff, before those more advanced alien life forms
                               progress to the final.

  There are various spare slots on the pitches, so if you want extra games you are
  welcome to them, or if you want to move slots this shouldn’t be impossible with
    Incidentally rocket science is easy compared to trying to work all this out.
                                 The two pools are
      +++ The dark side +++                          +++ the right stuff +++
           Dirty Klingons                               The Orgasmatrons
             Kings Siths                                    Kings Jedis
   Terry Fuckwitt’s Flying Circus                            Obi Nuns
      Broadgate Likes Uranus                         Big Broadgate Bangers
         The Untouchables                                    Strollers
       West Wilts Warlocks                                Anglia Hornets
          Happy Slackers                                  Space Cadets
           Simply Uranus                                Millennium Falcon
        Cheam Cheaters 1                                Cheam Cheaters 2
              Outsiders                                     Favourites
Time   Pitch 1 (Trojans)         Pitch 2 ( Trojans)        Pitch 3 (king eds)
                                Day 1 Friday
1-2     1 Simply Uranus

       2 The Untouchables
2-3    1 Cheam Cheaters 1                                      1 Obi Nuns

           2 outsiders                                   2 Big broadgate bangers
3-4     1 Broadgate likes      1 Millennium Falcons          1 Space cadets
          2 Kings Sith          2 Cheam Cheaters 2            2 favourites
4-5        1 Strollers         1 West Wilts Warlocks      1 The Orgasmatrons

        2 Anglia Hornets       2 Terry fuckwits flying        2 Kings Jedis

Time   Pitch 1 (Trojans)        Pitch 2 ( Trojans)         Pitch 3 (king eds)
                            Umpires Day 1 Friday
1-2      Scott / Chris H
2-3     John G / Chris H            Guy / Watts              Darryl / Jones
3-4         Ali / Scott              Kat / Guy                Lee / Jones
4-5       Ireland / Lee             Scott / Watts            Darryl / Grant
                                    Day 2 Saturday
10-11   Outsiders                 Spare                   Cheaters 1

        Untouchables                                      Simply Uranus
11-12   Kings sith                Spare                   Happy Slackers

        Terry Fuckwitts Flying                            West Wilts warlocks
12-1    Dirty Klingons            Spare                   Anglian Hornets

        Broadgate likes uranus                            Kings Jedi
 1-2    Strollers                 Orgasmatrons            Cheaters 2

        Space Cadets              Favourites              Obi Nuns
 2-3    Millennium Falcon         Dirty klingons          Broad Gates likes Uranus

        Big Broadgate bangers     Untouchables            Terry Fuckwitts flying
 3-4    Happy Slackers            Kings Sith              West wilts warlocks

        Simply Uranus             Outsiders               Cheater 1
 4-5    Favourites                Anglian Hornets         Strollers

        Kings jedi                Broadgate big bangers   Obi Nuns
 5-6    Cheater 2                 Happy Slackers          Orgasmatrons

        Space Cadets              Dirty Klingon           Millennium Falcons

                                 Umpires Day 2 Saturday
10-11   Goss / John G                                     Ali / Chris H
11-12   Goss / Nigel                                      Watts / Ireland
 12-1   Grant / Jones                                     Chris H / Ali
 1-2    Watts / Nigel             Lee / Jones             Rob / Kat
 2-3    Ali / Chris H             Lee / Jones             Kat / Campbell
 3-4    Pete / Nigel              Lee / Jones             Ireland / Darryl
 4-5    Grant / Campbell          Ali / Chris H           Kat / Watts
 5-6    Rob / Lee                 Nigel / Campbell        Lee / Watts
                                     Day 3 Sunday
10-11    Space Cadets             Millenium Falcon      Anglian Hornets

         Big Broadgate bangers    King Jedi             Cheaters 2
11-12    Strollers                Orgasmatrons          Happy Slackers

         Favourites               Obi Nuns              Terry Fuckwitts flying
 12-1    Dirty Klingons           Kings Sith            Broadgate likes Uranus

         Cheater 1                Simply Uranus         Outsiders
  1-2    West Wilts Warlocks      1 Dark Side 10        Spare

         Untouchables             2 Right Stuff 10
2.30-    1 Dark Side 3            1 Dark Side 9         1 Dark Side 6
         2 Right Stuff 3          2 Right Stuff 9       2 Right Stuff 6
3.30-    1 Dark Side 2            1 Dark Side 8         1 Dark Side 5
         2 Right Stuff 1          2 Right Stuff 8       2 Right Stuff 5
4.30-    1 Dark Side 1            1 Dark Side 7         1 Dark Side 4
         2 Right Stuff 2          2 Right Stuff 7       2 Right Stuff 4
6-7      Final                    Spare                 Spare

                                 Umpires Day 3 Sunday
 10-11   Jones / Lee              Watts/ Ali            Campbell / Kat
 11-12   Jones/ Lee               Watts/ Ali            Darryl / Ireland
  12-1   Nigel / campbell         Pete / Grant          Darryl / Ireland
  1-2    Jones / Lee              Watts / Grant
2.30-    Nigel / Campbell         Pete / Ali            Kat / Harry
3.30-    Watts / Ali              Darryl / Ireland      Jones / Lee
4.30-    Watts / Nigel            Bill / Ben            Jones / Lee
6-7      Campbell / Rob