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How to Avoid Guilt When Caring for Older Adults
Guilt can sap your energy. You will be a better caregiver and a healthier one when you
refuse to succumb to guilt. Several strategies will help you avoid guilt and its negative
impact on your emotional health.
Keep your “I LOVE YOUs” up to date.
Show you care for everyone who needs you by giving your best in little ways. One
daughter kept her “I LOVE YOUs” up to date by finding ways to make special time for
her kids, her mom, and herself. When you keep your “I LOVE YOUs” up to date, you
will not have regrets adding to your grief when your loved one is gone.
It’s OK to change lanes when you get a clue.
Sometimes you get new information that forces you to change course. Even though
they had said “never” to nursing home placement, after their mom fell, Daughter V
and L, had to admit their situation wasn’t really working for anybody. Don’t feel guilty
when you have to change the plan.
You can only do what you can do.
Give yourself credit for doing what you can. Even though you may not be giving
everybody everything you want to give, rest in knowing you are doing your best. Guilt
is the most worthless emotion. Guilt hurts you and it does not help your loved ones at
all. Take steps to avoid another worthless and unproductive sentiment.
Say “No” to self-pity. Don’t whine: hum.
Laurie Beth Jones says, “He Didn’t Whine; He Hummed.” Some caregivers whine,
“See how hard I’m working? See how much I’ve sacrificed?” These caregivers need
to accept this simple fact:
It’s hard to get kicked in the backside, if you don’t bend over.
You accepted the caregiving role. Many caregivers say “I have no choice; nobody
else will do it,” but there is a choice. What about the family members who don’t
help? They have chosen not to give care, haven’t they? When you admit you have
chosen to be a caregiver, you have the power to stop whining. Then, you can hum
like a well-oiled machine, you can develop your support system and you can move
on to successful, healthy caregiving.
Tell the truth, at least to yourself.
It’s OK to dislike caregiving. It’s even OK to dislike your seniors. It’s OK to resent
caregiving and admit you are overwhelmed.
Banish fear. Illuminate Hope. Take bold action.
Get a Life!™ Radio Program • 19989 S. LaGrange Rd, #209 • Frankfort, IL 60423 • getalifeontheradio.com
It is dangerous to deny or ignore your feelings, so find a useful, safe place to tell the
truth. This is not whining or humming. It’s preventive maintenance. Keep in mind: It
may not be a good idea to confide in family members and it is almost never a good
idea to confide in the dependent senior. Behavioral health professionals can help you
deal with the feelings more quickly. Counselors can also help you move the feelings
into an area where they do less emotional damage. Caregiver support groups, social
workers, geriatric care managers, clergy and mental health counselors are important
resources.
Spiritual health: Put on the Armor of Inner Peace; Wield the Sword of Forgiveness.
Caregiver survival depends on a strong inner spirit that protects itself from despair; the
spirit finds joyful purpose, sees the big picture, avoids guilt and knows when to let go.
This kind of spirit is also strong enough to forgive.
Find joy and purpose outside of caregiving.
You are more than a caregiver. You will be a better caregiver if you nurture the other
parts of your life. Do you have talents and interests outside of caregiving that could
bring you joy, or help someone else? Lift your head up, look out of your misery, and
be a blessing to someone outside your situation.
This material taken from:
To Survive Caregiving: A Daughter’s Perspective
By Cheryl E. Woodson
You can purchase this book at our website:
getalifeontheradio.com
Banish fear. Illuminate Hope. Take bold action.
Get a Life!™ Radio Program • 19989 S. LaGrange Rd, #209 • Frankfort, IL 60423 • getalifeontheradio.com
