How to drive a man wild with desire by lhh12385


									How to drive a man
wild with desire...
By: Sarah J                 Eyebrow Yank, the Hot       actually look like. You
      When I'm in the       Wax Torture, the            could be a Shetland
supermarket                 Hydrochloric Acid Skin      pony under there.
checkout line, I            Peel, the Hoover               Once you have
always look at              Vacuum Home Spleen          achieved this fun and
Cosmopolitan and            Removal, the Cage of        female ``look,'' it's time
Vecko Revyn                 Thigh-Eating                for you to get started on
magazines to see if         Wolverines and the          the other topic that is
the editors have made       Industrial Drain Cleaner    discussed endlessly in
any progress in their       Enema, you remove all       Cosmopolitan: Figuring
ongoing effort to           of the physical             out what men want. It's
figure out men.             elements that make          a tough one!
    I'm sure you're         you unattractive, such      Cosmopolitan editors
familiar with               as your fat, hair, skin,    wrestle with it day and
Cosmopolitan (``Fun -       fingerprints and internal   night, and they're
- Fearless -- Female'').    organs. At this point,      constantly announcing
It's the one with the       you are essentially a       new breakthroughs.
cover that always has       skeleton with eyeballs,     Pick up any issue, and
a picture of a woman        or, to put it another       you'll see articles like:
who looks as though         way, Ally McBeal.
she has a prestigious                                      -- ``23 Ways To
and rewarding                  STEP TWO: You            Drive Him Wild In Bed!''
executive career as a       smear your entire self         -- ``127 Ways To
hooker.                     with a complex system       Make Him Want To Get
    Roughly half the        of foundations, bases,      Naked Right In the
articles in                 creams, lotions, gels,      Foyer!''
Cosmopolitan are            powders, moisturizers,         -- ``387 Ways To
devoted to explaining       conditioners, mousses,      Make Him Completely
how you, the Cosmo          sprays, mascaras,           Lose Biological Control
reader, can make            eyeliners, lip glosses,     Of Himself While He Is
yourself look like the      enzymes, lacquers,          Still In the Driveway!''
cover model...              organic papaya-
                            enhanced roofing tars,         Over the decades,
    All you have to do is   etc., until you are         Cosmopolitan has
follow the two-step         encased inside an           printed literally
Cosmo Beauty                impenetrable layer of       thousands of sure-fire
Regimen:                    beauty products thick       techniques for driving
                            enough that there is no     men insane with
   STEP ONE: Using a        way for anybody to tell,    passion. If these
combination of fun and      without giving you a        techniques actually
fearless beauty             CAT scan, what you          worked, by now the
procedures such as the
entire male population                                   waxer went a little
of the United States             So I think              overboard.'' Listen,
would have been wiped       Cosmopolitan is trying       women: If you actually
out by lust, literally      too hard. In fact, it may    say those words to a
exploding into little                       be doing     man, he's going to
mushroom clouds of                           women       assume you want him
vaporized bodily fluids.                  more harm      to take you to the
                                          than good.     Emergency Room.
                                          For example,
                                          the August         So my advice to the
                                          issue has a    editors of Cosmopolitan
                                          feature        is: Just drop this
                                         entitled        subject for a while.
                                         ``What To       Trust me: Even without
                            Say                          technical advice from
                                        To Make Him      you, your women
                                        Ache For You     readers will have no
                                        -- Whisper       trouble getting men
                                       these frisky      excited, as long as the
                                       phrases if you    men are aware (and
                            wish to drive him wild.''    believe me, they are)
    But this has not        One of the frisky            that the women,
happened, except in         phrases Cosmopolitan         underneath their
the case of President       advises you to whisper       clothes, are not
Clinton. The problem, I     to men is -- really --       wearing clothes.
think, is that              ``We'd better hurry
Cosmopolitan is             home, because at                And consider this: If
making this issue way       midnight I turn into a       you Cosmopolitan
more complicated than       vixen.'' This frisky         editors stopped
it actually is. I mean,     phrase might actually        obsessing about men,
we're talking about         alarm the man,               you could focus your
MEN here. You don't         especially if he knows       brainpower on the
need rocket science to      that the dictionary          Middle East Peace
drive them wild in bed:     defines ``vixen'' as ``an    Process, health care,
All you need to do is to    ill-tempered, shrewish,      Social Security or the
get in there with them.     or malicious woman.''        federal budget surplus.
Or, just leave them         Basically, you're telling    I bet you could give us
alone for a while.          the man he could             some important insights
Because men don't           suddenly find himself in     into these issues! Or at
need much. Using a          bed with Rue Paul.           least tell us how to
complex, sophisticated                                   drive them wild in bed.
technique to get a man         Another frisky
excited is like preparing   phrase suggested by
a gourmet French meal       Cosmopolitan is -- get
for a Labrador retriever.   ready -- ``My bikini

”How to drive a man wild with desire...”

To top