How to drive a man
wild with desire...
By: Sarah J Eyebrow Yank, the Hot actually look like. You
When I'm in the Wax Torture, the could be a Shetland
supermarket Hydrochloric Acid Skin pony under there.
checkout line, I Peel, the Hoover Once you have
always look at Vacuum Home Spleen achieved this fun and
Cosmopolitan and Removal, the Cage of female ``look,'' it's time
Vecko Revyn Thigh-Eating for you to get started on
magazines to see if Wolverines and the the other topic that is
the editors have made Industrial Drain Cleaner discussed endlessly in
any progress in their Enema, you remove all Cosmopolitan: Figuring
ongoing effort to of the physical out what men want. It's
figure out men. elements that make a tough one!
I'm sure you're you unattractive, such Cosmopolitan editors
familiar with as your fat, hair, skin, wrestle with it day and
Cosmopolitan (``Fun - fingerprints and internal night, and they're
- Fearless -- Female''). organs. At this point, constantly announcing
It's the one with the you are essentially a new breakthroughs.
cover that always has skeleton with eyeballs, Pick up any issue, and
a picture of a woman or, to put it another you'll see articles like:
who looks as though way, Ally McBeal.
she has a prestigious -- ``23 Ways To
and rewarding STEP TWO: You Drive Him Wild In Bed!''
executive career as a smear your entire self -- ``127 Ways To
hooker. with a complex system Make Him Want To Get
Roughly half the of foundations, bases, Naked Right In the
articles in creams, lotions, gels, Foyer!''
Cosmopolitan are powders, moisturizers, -- ``387 Ways To
devoted to explaining conditioners, mousses, Make Him Completely
how you, the Cosmo sprays, mascaras, Lose Biological Control
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yourself look like the enzymes, lacquers, Still In the Driveway!''
cover model... organic papaya-
enhanced roofing tars, Over the decades,
All you have to do is etc., until you are Cosmopolitan has
follow the two-step encased inside an printed literally
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Regimen: beauty products thick techniques for driving
enough that there is no men insane with
STEP ONE: Using a way for anybody to tell, passion. If these
combination of fun and without giving you a techniques actually
fearless beauty CAT scan, what you worked, by now the
procedures such as the
entire male population waxer went a little
of the United States So I think overboard.'' Listen,
would have been wiped Cosmopolitan is trying women: If you actually
out by lust, literally too hard. In fact, it may say those words to a
exploding into little be doing man, he's going to
mushroom clouds of women assume you want him
vaporized bodily fluids. more harm to take you to the
than good. Emergency Room.
the August So my advice to the
issue has a editors of Cosmopolitan
feature is: Just drop this
entitled subject for a while.
``What To Trust me: Even without
Say technical advice from
To Make Him you, your women
Ache For You readers will have no
-- Whisper trouble getting men
these frisky excited, as long as the
phrases if you men are aware (and
wish to drive him wild.'' believe me, they are)
But this has not One of the frisky that the women,
happened, except in phrases Cosmopolitan underneath their
the case of President advises you to whisper clothes, are not
Clinton. The problem, I to men is -- really -- wearing clothes.
think, is that ``We'd better hurry
Cosmopolitan is home, because at And consider this: If
making this issue way midnight I turn into a you Cosmopolitan
more complicated than vixen.'' This frisky editors stopped
it actually is. I mean, phrase might actually obsessing about men,
we're talking about alarm the man, you could focus your
MEN here. You don't especially if he knows brainpower on the
need rocket science to that the dictionary Middle East Peace
drive them wild in bed: defines ``vixen'' as ``an Process, health care,
All you need to do is to ill-tempered, shrewish, Social Security or the
get in there with them. or malicious woman.'' federal budget surplus.
Or, just leave them Basically, you're telling I bet you could give us
alone for a while. the man he could some important insights
Because men don't suddenly find himself in into these issues! Or at
need much. Using a bed with Rue Paul. least tell us how to
complex, sophisticated drive them wild in bed.
technique to get a man Another frisky
excited is like preparing phrase suggested by
a gourmet French meal Cosmopolitan is -- get
for a Labrador retriever. ready -- ``My bikini
”How to drive a man wild with desire...”