remember welcome to the rotary club of reading maiden erlegh

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					R℮MEmber
The newsletter of the Rotary Club of Reading Maiden Erlegh Editor: Chris Foley September 2009- Number 51

President Tim’s Tome Fellow Rotarians, I am writing this in the hope that, as expected, John Turney and Rod Hamilton-King will be returning to regular membership of the Club after their periods of leave of absence. It will be good to have them back on a regular basis and not just because we have a lot of rotas to fill what with RotaArt, Christmas Grottos and the Twyford Membership Project! I mentioned at our business meeting last week how nice it is, from my point of view as President, to have a bit of banter during our weekly meetings and both Rod and John have both been good contributors in the past and I hope will be again. We are now in the final stages of preparing for RotaArt and this last bit is down to all of us in the Club, delivering leaflets, putting up posters and selling tickets. The RotaArt team do need and deserve our support and with it we can be certain of a very successful second exhibition and sale. I do hope you are enjoying your Rotary. Best wishes Tim

President-Elect Tim Simpson A schedule has been circulated showing the response to the invitation to attend the 2010 District Conference. If any Members have not received the schedule or have problems opening it, please contact me. The response forms are required by District in early November - I will continue to issue reminders. Hon Secretary – Brian Hunt

Reading Male Voice Choir In the store cupboard at the university there is a box of tapes and CDs by the Reading Male Voice Choir. As we share the use of the cupboard with the university we cannot be sure if they are our CDs. Can anybody advise the secretary if the music has been given to us, and if so was it for fundraising purposes. Brian has a nomination form for our Club to nominate Rotarians for District Officer posts on the District Executive for 2010-2011. The posts are:

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District Assistant Governor Hon. Treasurer Hon. Secretary Membership Service Chairman Community & Vocational Chairman International Service Chairman Rotary Foundation Chairman Youth Opportunities Chairman Communications Chairman

Although not part of the election process, Clubs are encouraged to nominate members to serve on District committees and this particularly applies to Past Presidents. If any member of our Club would like to serve on a District committee would they please let secretary Brian know.
RIBI & District - Rotaract – Click here for the excellent first edition of their 1090 Times - Invitation from Rotary Club of Easthampstead Visit by David Fowler, President RIBI We are honoured and exceedingly fortunate to have RIBI President David Fowler and his wife with us for our evening meeting on Monday 12th October 2009 during his fleeting visit to District 1090. David is a keen to develop his message to Clubs and hear what topics and activities are uppermost in the Clubs in our Area. We are inviting Rotarians of District 1090 to join us on this occasion to meet, hear and communicate with David and indeed his wife Daphne. Please be aware space is a little limited so it will be first come first served. The evening will commence at 7.30 pm. A buffet meal at 8..00 pm followed by an address from David. There will then be time for questions and fellowship. The cost is £12 per head payable in advance to Rotary Club of Easthampstead. Cheques should be sent to President Elect Rtn Peter Boltwood , 7 Barkhart Close, Wokingham , RG40 1PN (tel: 0118 989 2995) to arrive no later than Monday 5th October 2009 The venue is the John Nike Leisure Centre, John Nike Way , Binfield. RG12 8TN It is easily accessed from the A329M at intersection with B3408 Direction can be obtained at www.bracknellskislope.co.uk. Any queries to: peter.boltwood@yahoo.co.uk The dress code is smart casual 2

Kind regards , John Fordham, Secretary, tel: 01344 862440 Mobile: 07836 367377

Hon Treasurer- Tim Pascall see council minutes

Junior Vice President – David Cotton see council minutes

Programme- Hugh O’Hare September New Generations Month
Thu 10th Tue 15th District Council Speaker: Sherry Nickson, Shaw Trust (President's Charity) Speaker: Greg Wilkinson, GSE Presentation RotaArt Preview - 7pm to 9pm (DI) (R) Steward: Robin Parish Hall, Benson
(DC/DT/LS) Prawn Cocktail with brown bread and butter. Poached Chicken Breast in Mushroom Sauce, Steamed Rice, Green Beans and Broccoli (CM/ST/HS) Battered Fish and Chips, Garden Peas, Tomato Sauce and Vinegar. Bread and Butter Pudding and Custard

Tue 22nd Fri 25th

(R) (R)

Blue Room, Reading University. Official Opening by John Redwood MP, tickets £7-50 inc wine and canapés Blue Room, Reading University. Admission £3 including Catalogue
(IW/TR/CF) Steak and Mushroom Pie, Mashed Potato, Cabbage and Carrots. Fruit Salad and Cream

Sat 26th-Sun RotaArt Exhibition and Sale - 10am to 4pm 27th Tue 29th Partners Evening Speaker: Jim Ewan, In Defence of the Weaker Sex

(R)

(R)

October
Sun 4th Tue 6th

Vocational Service Month
Meet the Scholars Lunch Guest and Friends Evening Speaker meeting Inner Wheel Harvest Supper Business meeting Members Night Speaker meeting (DI) (R) Venue tba

Steward: Richard

(-/-/-) Tomato and Basil Soup. Roast Pork and Stuffing, Roast Potatoes, Honeyed Parsnips and Green Beans with Apple Sauce

Sat 10th Tue 13th Tue 20th

(IW) (R) (R)

Venue TBC
(-/-/-) Three Pork Sausages, Mashed Potato, Carrots, Garden Peas with Onion Gravy. Cheese and Biscuits (-/-/-) Chicken Curry with Steamed Rice and accompaniments. Vanilla Ice Cream with Fruit Sauce

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Tue 27th Sat 31st

Speaker: District Governor, Terry Kenyon Bill Huntley Memorial Peace Seminar

(R) (RB)

(-/-/-) Fish Pie with Mashed Potato topping (no eggs), Garden Peas, Fresh Broccoli. Apple Crumble and Custard

Bradford University

November Rotary Foundation Month
Tue 3rd Guest and Friends Evening - Quiz Night Theme - Do you know your UK and Irish geography? Poppy Day Collection Business meeting (R)

Steward: Terry
(-/-/-) Mozzarella and Tomato Salad. Roast Lamb with Minted Gravy, Roast potatoes, Carrots and Garden Peas, Mint Sauce

Sat 7th Tue 10th

(R) (R)

Reading
(-/-/-) Prawn Cocktail with brown bread and butter. Poached Chicken Breast in Mushroom Sauce, Steamed Rice, Green Beans and Broccoli

Fri 13th-Sun RI Zone Institute 15th Tue 17th Members Night Speaker meeting Rota Night Speaker meeting

(RI) (R)

Kenilworth
(-/-/-) Battered Fish and Chips, Garden Peas, Tomato Sauce and Vinegar. Bread and Butter Pudding and Custard (-/-/-) Steak and Mushroom Pie, Mashed Potato, Cabbage and Carrots. Fruit Salad and Cream

Tue 24th

(R)

December
Tue 1st

Family Month
Guest and Friends Evening Speaker meeting District Council Business meeting District Carol Service Christmas meeting - offsite No meeting No meeting (R)

Steward: Peter
(-/-/-) Tomato and Basil Soup. Roast Pork and Stuffing, Roast Potatoes, Honeyed Parsnips and Green Beans with Apple Sauce

Thu 3rd Tue 8th Sun 13th Tue 15th Tue 22nd Tue 29th

(DI) (R) (DI) (R) (R) (R)

Wycombe Grammar School
(-/-/-) Three Pork Sausages, Mashed Potato, Carrots, Garden Peas with Onion Gravy. Cheese and Biscuits

St Mary the Virgin, Henley Moathouse, Sindlesham. Three course meal and coffee

Duties 2009
Date Courtesy Intro of Speaker/Object of Rotary Vote of Thanks -------------------------------------------------------------------------Sept 1 Mike Phillips Tim Simpson Tom Malone Sept 8 Keith Reynolds Geoff Scott-Baker N/A Sept 15 David Cotton David Turner Leslie Stephen Sept 22 Colin Moir Scott Trathen Hilary Scott Sept 29 Ian Wisdom Tony Read Chris Foley As ever, if you find you cannot fulfill your duty it remains your responsibility to arrange a swap. If you do so please advise both Brian (Secretary) & Hugh (Programme) of the change details. Thank you.

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Communications and PR - Richard Nicholson see council minutes Social – Paul Cunningham

Saturday October 10 ( Inner Wheel ) Harvest Supper - Venue either Coronation Hall or Charvil Hall

Tuesday November 3 - Quiz Night
Theme / Do you know your U.K. and Irish Geography?

Saturday November 7. ( Inner Wheel ) JAZZ CONCERT at Leighton Park School
The concert will feature Art Theman and his Quartet. More details to follow.

Tuesday December 15.
Christmas Dinner / Moathouse – Sindlesham. £19.95 per head / 3 course meal with coffee. 2010

Sunday January 3
New Years Walk

Saturday February 13
Valentine’s Dinner? Pearson Hall, Cooked by the men, with male waiters, Romantic Music. Thursday February 18 ( Inner Wheel ) Charter celebrations at Sonning Golf Club May 16 ( Inner Wheel ) West Green gardens visit.

Sunday June 6
Picnic and a Punt in Oxford.

Saturday June 19
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PRESIDENTS BALL at Bearwood Lakes Golf Club

Fundraising - Dave Tindall see council minutes

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Membership - Maura see council minutes Community - Steve Luckhurst see council minutes Editor - Chris Foley For two really good slide shows click here and then here Club Notice Board

Reading Matins R/C is putting on a Charity Fashion Show on Wednesday 7 October 2009 (7:00 PM for 7:30 PM) to raise funds for local hospices, in a novel setting. They have secured the four restaurants in Kings Walk, Reading for the evening and the clothes, hats, etc will be modelled in each restaurant during the evening. The price of £40 includes a welcome drink, a three course meal and coffee, and makes a contribution to the charities. Fashions by:Barbara Easton - Day Wear Amanda Vaccaro - Evening Wear Pudding - Lingerie Gatsby - Men's Wear Get Ahead Hats Taking place at the following restaurants in Kings Walk, Reading:Art of Siam Bengal Reef Dolce Vita Mari E Monti Brian has a booking form and more information
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LAST NIGHT OF “THE PROMS” CONCERT WITH BUFFET SUPPER , SEPTEMBER 19TH, BENSON PARISH HALL, 7PM FOR 7.30PM Funds raised will be shared between “Footsteps” a local charity which helps children from all over the country with problems such as Cerebral Palsy and the Benson Mill Stream Day Centre. Tickets £17.50 each from Rotarian Eira Hoare on 01491 839415

Happy Birthday in September to: Albert Hubbard, John Palmer and Tim Simpson
World's Shortest Fairy Tale:
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted to. The End

The following was reported in last week’s ‘Dairy News’: Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure because of the following: In In In In In In In In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. the US they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant; and Australia, they hung up, because they couldn’t understand the Indian accent.

Hotel Related Incident A man checks into a hotel in Auckland while on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

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He popped into a phone booth in Albert Street near the hotel and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs...... well, you get the picture! He copied the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the room he figures, what the hell, give her a call. 'Hello,' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy. 'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one.. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want! Now, how does that sound?' She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 1 for an outside line.' It took three hours for him to get the courage to Checkout next morning.
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. and noticed that everybody was staring at me. I finished my beer

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

'Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines.' 'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.' Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart . The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump and I know what you are all thinking.
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I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!' Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal. ' An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying United. 'He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why no Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' The little old lady said, 'Did we land or were we shot down?'
TO ALL AGES. Young and Old EVEN THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOW NEARING ONLY 50!! I HAD NO IDEA YOU SHOULD

NOT

LAY DOWN.

Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well

as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.

Note: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack.
The majority of people (about 60%) who had an heart attack during their sleep, did not wake u p However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.

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If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.. CALL 999 do NOT lie down

Unlock the front door
Afterwards: - phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by - say "heart attack!" - say that you have taken 2 aspirins. - take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and.. ~ do

NOT lie down ~

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and asked him to do a favour. "Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back." A little while later, the friend returns to the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does the guy go when he leaves?" The friend looked up, wiping the tears from his eyes, and said, "Your house."

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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

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