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Magical Thinking

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Spec Script for The Office

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THE OFFICE “Magical Thinking”

written by Jennifer T. Pettee

WGA Reg. #1323279
CONTACT: 336-280-5432



COLD OPEN FADE IN: INT. MICHAEL‟S OFFICE- DAY 1 MICHAEL is having his hair cut by DWIGHT at his desk. Michael has a steaming towel wrapped around his face. DWIGHT The Shrute‟s have been barbering for generations. You know, barbers used to perform oral surgery and bloodletting. (creepy look to camera) The red stripe on the barber poles represents the bloody bandages. I can take a look in your mouth, if you‟d like. As he is talking, Dwight is unrolling a leather strap. In a practiced movement, he unfolds a straight razor and begins to sharpen it. MICHAEL DwightSensing movement, Michael takes off the towel and sees… MICHAEL (CONT‟D) No! OK, no! This is not Edward Scissorhands. Put that away. DWIGHT You‟re not going to have anywhere near the same experience with a safety razor.



MICHAEL I don‟t care. No. Just forget the shave, just finish my hair. Michael exhales heavily. DWIGHT (crestfallen) It‟s about done. I just need to touch up around the ears… Michael shouts and jumps. MICHAEL You cut my ear! Oh my god! You cut me! Ohhhh. Holy Mother Theresa, you are a freakin‟ idiot. #!&!! He tentatively reaches up to touch his ear. He withdraws his hand and there is a miniscule drop of blood on his fingertip. He looks up at Dwight with the look of a betrayed man. His eyes roll back and he passes out cold, out of his chair. Dwight looks at his hands as though they do not belong to him. DWIGHT (bolting from Michael‟s office) Emergency! END OF COLD OPEN

5 ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA – D1 Pam is sketching the back of JIM‟S head at her desk. MICHAEL (O.S.) Pam! Pam enters Michael‟s office. Michael has a wad of tissue stuck to his ear. PAM (sitting) Yes, Michael? MICHAEL Do you know what you do when life gives you lemons? PAM You make lemonade. MICHAEL (considering) Well, I guess you could. But I was thinking, why not sell those lemons and use the money for something better. Like, an orange. PAM OK… MICHAEL I need you to check out some oranges for me. Two bedrooms, fireplace would be nice.


6 PAM (confused) Do you want me to look for apartments? MICHAEL I‟m just curious. It‟s important for the regional manager to be aware of local market conditions. PAM You‟re selling your condo? MICHAEL I did not say that. I said I was curious. I am a curious person. And I do my homework. PAM I‟m doing your homework. MICHAEL This is important, Pam. I need everything in a 20 mile radius under $500. Stat. PAM I don‟t think you‟re going to find anything for that, Michael. MICHAEL OK, $550, whatever. There‟s got to be something…wait! What about your landlady, what‟s her name? Ugh, her face is still emblazoned on my retinas. (MORE)


7 MICHAEL (CONT‟D) I can‟t believe you thought I would like that… PAM (annoyed) I will find you something. (She stands to leave) MICHAEL Wait! I‟m sorry. (solicitously) Um, what about you?…How many bedrooms do you have? Do you.. Pam gives Michael a warning look. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) No. Right, too tempting. OK, switch gears. Please send Phyllis in here. I need Bob Vance to fix my fridge. It has been broken for a year. PAM How do you keep things cold? MICHAEL I do not eat anything that is cold. PAM What about milk? MICHAEL Lactose intolerant. PAM Eggs? MICHAEL No. They make me gassy. (CONTINUED)

8 PAM Wait… a year? What about your dinner party? We had meat! Michael looks at camera, chagrined. MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL I‟m selling my condo. I know. It‟s sudden, but I look at it this way; what is a home? Is it a fabulous condo? Four walls and a floor? I don‟t think so. Besides, I can‟t get the odor of Jan‟s candles out of the place. Someone would have to perform like, an odor exorcism. The point is, what really makes a man? His house? His money? His haircut? Michael reaches up to sweep his hair and his hand catches on the wad of tissue sticking to his ear „wound‟. He makes a disgusted gesture and flicks it away, then, MICHAEL (CONT‟D) His awesome car? Maybe, yes, that could be. A car can make a man. A car represents man mobility. His drive to move forward. On the road again. Destination- unknown. EXT. PARKING LOT – D1 DARYL and KELLY are standing in front of Daryl‟s new caran old beat-up looking VW diesel that he has converted to run on vegetable oil. (CONTINUED)

9 KELLY Daryl, you are my man, but I won‟t be riding around in this hoopty. Daryl just looks at Kelly impassively. Michael walks out of the building towards them, on his way out. MICHAEL Well, wow, Daryl, did you call the police? DARYL For what? MICHAEL Well, obviously, someone abandoned this car-probably after they did some kind of gang banging. Did you check the trunk for bodies? DARYL The only thing in the trunk is a tank of fry oil. Daryl opens his trunk. Kelly is standing with her hands on her hips, looking nervously around to see if anyone has noticed her near the car. MICHAEL Oh my God! It‟s some kind of a still! This is definitely illegal. Is that liquid crack, or something, Daryl? Don‟t touch it. There‟s probably fingerprints. DARYL I converted this car to run on fry oil. I get it from restaurants. (Continued)

10 MICHAEL (stunned) You did this? This is street legal? Wow. I‟m surprised. DARYL Because I‟m a stupid warehouse guy? Or because I‟m black? MICHAEL Neither! I mean both are better. Being black and being from the warehouse. You know I wish I worked in the warehouse. And, if I could be black… (beat) MICHAEL (CONT‟D) What you should do is give back to your community. I mean, what if you helped everyone convert their cars to run on fast food? Ya gotta give back. DARYL I live in the same condo complex you do, Michael. You are my community. Maybe you should give me that car of yours, and I‟ll start giving back- to YOU! MICHAEL That is not what I meant. This is a corporate leasebut good for you!


11 Michael ducks into his car and lovingly strokes his steering wheel. He drives away. Daryl and Kelly are shown still standing off near his car. DARYL Get in. KELLY Where are we going? DARYL KFC. KELLY EWW! Why? DARYL (holding up hose he uses to pump veg oil into his car) Why do you think? Kelly holds up her „talk to the hand‟ and walks back inside building. INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA – D1 Jim is leaning over reception desk to talk to Pam. PAM (quietly) So, we can take an extra long lunch and check out some places for Michael, but at the same time be looking for us. JIM Oh. Hmmm. I thought you‟d want to move in to my place. We could have bunk beds. PAM Would you wear Underoos? (CONTINUED)

12 Dwight approaches with a fax he is writing on and rests it on the counter in front of Pam. JIM If that‟s what you‟re into. I have two sets. Batman or Thundercats? I bet it‟s Thundercats. (doing a voice and pointing to Pam) Thundercats-HO! Dwight listens in to exchange and never looks up as he speaks. DWIGHT It would not be appropriate for Jim to wear anything that suggested superhuman powers. I wore Batman, and those are big undies to fill. (smirks) Pam makes a face that suggests she is ill at this mental image. JIM I bet you filled yours all the time, Dwight. (to Pam) You ready? Pam and Jim exit office. Dwight throws the fax on Pam‟s empty chair and storms over to Angela for solace. Andy is hanging over her desk. EXT. REALTY RESOURCES OFFICE – D-1 Michael is shown walking into real estate office.


13 MICHAEL (V.O.) I decided not to use Carol this time, for obvious reasons, I think. I broke her heart, and my agent needs to be focused on the job at hand. The agent working the floor is shown through the window getting jazzed about the potential customer coming in. INT. REALTY RESOURCES OFFICE –D-1 Michael enters and asks receptionist for CHARLOTTE. The other people in the office roll their eyes and turn away. Michael shakes hands with an attractive young real estate agent and sits down across from her in an open office. CHARLOTTE Mr. Scott, I‟ve prepared a market analysis for your condo. I compared your unit with some others in your complex that have sold in the last six months. (flipping through her report) Here‟s what I think you may want to start it out at. MICHAEL Wow. Not even going to buy me a drink first? (beat) Um, there is a mistake. This is only a few thousand more than what I bought it for. CHARLOTTE Yes, the market hasn‟t cooperated with you. Your condo really hasn‟t appreciated. (CONTINUED)

14 MICHAEL Well, I appreciate it! And I‟m sure there are plenty of other people who would too. It‟s in a great neighborhoodwell, if you don‟t count Daryl- I have cable in two different rooms… carpeting! Um…I have an extra parking space…why am I being interrogated???!! (beat) CHARLOTTE Well, we haven‟t looked at the bottom line after Realty Resources‟ fees. Michael looks stunned. At this moment, an „Andyesque‟ real estate agent, DENNIS, walks in doing a self-congratulatory dance. DENNIS Got another FSBO, Charlie. Who da man? Who‟s your daddy? CHARLOTTE (embarrassed) I apologize, Mr. Scott. Please take a moment and look over the CMA and I‟ll get you some coffee. (gets up to leave) MICHAEL No Charlie. I think you had better tell me about this FSBO thing.


15 CHARLOTTE Please call me Charlotte, and a FSBO is what we call a „for sale by owner‟. Dennis just signed a listing with someone who tried to sell their home without a real estate agent and failed. It‟s generally not a good idea. MICHAEL Well, Charlie, which is obviously what your friends call you… CHARLOTTE No, they don‟t. He‟s not my friend. MICHAEL Perhaps not. But he may be my new friend, because he is clearly successful, and he has given me the idea I need to sell my condo. CHARLOTTE What? MICHAEL FSBO. Why wouldn‟t a salesman sell his own house? It doesn‟t make sense for me NOT to. I can sell ice to a penguin. Those other sellers, or should I say, other LOSERS, were not professionals. That may dear, is where we differ. (CONTINUED)

16 CHARLOTTE (temporarily stunned) Mr. Scott…. (switching tact, flirtatiously) Michael. May I call you Michael? MICHAEL (instantly distracted) Yes… CHARLOTTE (imperceptibly unbuttoning the first button on her blouse) The tools and services provided by Realty Resources more than pay for themselves. Most people end up accepting less money for their homes than what they could have gotten. (provocatively) I have a deep well of resources and clients to send in your direction. Michael is struggling to keep eye contact. He finally smiles. MICHAEL No. Actually, I have my own deep well of people, crying and begging to get out. (beat) Thank-you, for your time. Michael gets up and starts backing for the door.


17 CHARLOTTE (a little desperate) Most FSBOs find selling their homes…it just becomes much too hard. MICHAEL (apologetically) Yeah. That‟s what she said. Michael exits. Charlotte is shown fuming at her desk while Dennis (having heard what he inadvertently caused) is looking back at her out of the corner of his eyes with a scared expression. INT. OFFICE –AFTERNOON - D1 Michael is returning. MICHAEL Pammy O‟Whammy. How‟d you make out with the market „research‟? PAM Not too well. Everything is either really far or directly on the train tracks. MICHAEL (unconcerned) Huh. OK. Well, next assignment. I am having an executive open house tomorrow during lunch. I need you to handle advertising. PAM What? It‟s too late to get anything into the paper! Don‟t you want to wait until next week? (CONTINUED)

18 MICHAEL No Pam, I do not. I want to create a sense of „surprise! Free lunch at an executive‟s house!” DWIGHT (jumping in) You‟re hosting a business lunch at your home? Put me in charge of security. PAM You‟re having it catered? MICHAEL No. But they do not need to know that. There will be snacks. And… a special guest. PAM Who is the special guest? Michael is silent, but he is vibrating with the answer. MICHAEL The special guest is… Michael pretends the name is stuck in his throat. Dwight is nearly beside himself with excitement. DWIGHT Who?! Who?! Who is the special guest?!! MICHAEL Sorry! Not that easy. (to Pam) Just make up a flyer and fax it to some of the businesses where you know executives are. (CONTINUED)

19 PAM Like, the executive park? MICHAEL Right. Duhh. Fax everyone. The theme is….MAGIC. PAM I don‟t get it. I thought the theme was „I‟m selling this condo.‟ DWIGHT Michael, let me handle this. Pam doesn‟t know anyone but other receptionists. MICHAEL (overconfident) Please let me do what I do. (tries to tweak Pam‟s nose) There is a method to my magic. Pam looks alarmed and mouths „magic?‟ to the camera. Michael marches towards break room, on a mission. INT. BREAK ROOM – CONTINUOUS - D1 OSCAR comes up to Michael at soda machine. They are alone. OSCAR Hello Michael. Do you have a minute to talk today? MICHAEL Hit me.


20 OSCAR I‟ve been looking over the worksheets I made up for you. You aren‟t following our plan. MICHAEL Oscar, Oscar my man. I have a new plan. A new, better, faster, leaner, meaner plan. OSCAR Oh. Does it involve doing magic shows for kids‟ birthday parties? Because, I can‟t see any other „plan‟ in what you have been doing. MICHAEL (under his breath) Not birthday parties. OSCAR What? MICHAEL Nothing. Well, actually, Oscar, as usual, you are unable to see past the obvious. You can‟t read between the lines. For you, there are only black and white choices- or in your case, Mexican and white. (MORE)


21 (miming Oscar) Hmmmm. What should I have for lunch today? Taco or burrito? Do you ever think, „hey, I‟ll have a bologna sandwich!‟? No. That is why you are an accountant, and I am the creative director of this office. OSCAR You are the manager. MICHAEL You are off the hook, my friend. Cut loose. I thank you for your fine counsel. (bowing to Oscar) I no longer require your services. Oscar stares at him. He is offended, but not surprised. He makes a gesture of washing his hands of Michael and turns to leave. He stops at the door. OSCAR One question, Michael. What‟s your great idea? MICHAEL I am selling my condo. OSCAR Right now? With the market the way it is? MICHAEL Well Oscar, contrary to what you obviously think, I‟ve done my homework. The experts all say it‟s a great time to buy right now. (CONTINUED)

22 OSCAR Yes. To buy. Why do think that is, Michael? MICHAEL (with pity) I see the student has exceeded his master. Michael raises an imaginary light saber and cuts Oscar down. Oscar shakes his head and leaves. MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL Back in junior high, I wanted to be an astronaut. I wasn‟t the best student. I was terrible in English, math…and science…but the point is, much like Martin Luther King, I had a dream. In high school, my guidance counselor told me I had what is called „magical thinking.‟ Wow. I couldn‟t believe it. I didn‟t hear a word she said after that. All I could think was, „how did she know?‟ Magical Thinking. It means, I see magic in everything and everyone. People never are just people. Things never are just things. Even here at Dunder Mifflin. Paper. (holds up blank piece of paper) NO, not paper. That‟s lazy thinking. Origami. (MORE) (CONTINUED)

23 MICHAEL (CONT‟D) (lame attempt at origami) An airplane. (gives up on origami, makes airplane and launches) That‟s magical thinking. It‟s more than it appears. (takes quarter out of camera‟s „ear‟) INT. OFFICE – LATER – D-1 Michael walks out of his office. MICHAEL I need everyone in the conference room. We have a party to plan! ANGELA, PHYLLIS, Pam and Oscar rise. ANGELA This better not have anything to do with your condo. It‟s not work related. MICHAEL Parties in general are not work related, Angela. Fun and work do not go together. Except here. You are welcome. Initially, only a few head towards conference room. MICHAEL (CONT‟D Let‟s go! I need everyone! INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – D1 MICHAEL OK, so this will be your first big chance to smooze and booze some potential customers. (CONTINUED)

24 There is some excitement among the drinkers, esp. Meredith. PAM (clarifying) There won‟t be alcohol. MICHAEL No, it‟s only an hour long affair, so there will not be alcohol, sorry Pam. Pam looks to camera - - what? Everyone slips back into their conference room comas. MICHAEL Time to whip out the ol‟ Rolodex. Please think of one or two potential customers who are just at the just ready to take the leap. Trust me, I will push them off the edge. Call them. Fax them this invitation. Michael holds up a cheesy flyer that Pam has whipped up. STANLEY Why do you want us to invite people to what essentially is an open house for your condo? MICHAEL I don‟t know who told you that, but that is incorrect. STANLEY Phyllis. And I don‟t have anyone to invite. Phyllis looks down. (CONTINUED)

25 MICHAEL Stanley…yes you do, OK? Even if you don‟t, I still need you there. It‟s a fair housing thing. OSCAR I suppose that means I need to come too? MICHAEL Everyone, Oscar. But, now that you mention it, you‟re a two for one. Oscar nods. Of course. JIM Can I wear a costume? MICHAEL No. I am the only one who can dress up. ANGELA What if we are not in sales? MICHAEL Yes! Everyone, Angela. Teamwork, people! Ever hear of it? Michael shakes his head and closes the door. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) Yeah. OK. I didn‟t want to do this today, but I guess it‟s time for some knock-down, drag-out teamwork exercises. Stanley picks up his crossword. (CONTINUED)


INT. OFFICE – END OF WORKDAY – D1 Everyone is leaving the conference room, exhausted. Pam and Jim pick up their coats to leave and start to perk up. PAM TALKING HEAD PAM One of the houses wasn‟t available to see until after 5. So, Jim and I are headed there on our way home from work. I have a good feeling. I mean, I don‟t want to sound too eager, but I am so ready to move in with Jim. (she laughs) No I‟m not. (beat, then,) Yes I am. (smiles) INT. OFFICE – MORNING - DAY 2 Jim enters wearing a trenchcoat. He walks to his desk and takes it off. He is wearing adult size Bat Man Underoos long johns. Dwight looks up from his desk. DWIGHT You wish. Michael walks in and heads towards his office. MICHAEL Jim, I said no costumes.


27 JIM Right. Sorry. Dwight, do you have a piss yellow shirt I could borrow. JIM TALKING HEAD JIM Did you see the way Pam was looking at me? INT. REALTY RESOURCES OFFICE – D2 Charlotte is shown picking up a faxed invite to Michael‟s open house. She reads it and then is shown calling someone that we can assume is a friend or family member. CHARLOTTE I only need you to stop by for maybe 15 minutes. (listening) OK, make sure you tell him I sent you. Thank you. Thank you. (listening) Me too. Thanks. Bye CHARLOTTE TALKING HEAD CHARLOTTE Three years ago, I would have encouraged someone like Michael Scott to sell his own home. That was three years ago. END OF ACT ONE

28 ACT TWO EXT. ROAD ENTERING MICHAEL‟S CONDO COMPLEX – LATER - D2 Dwight is placing bales of straw on the corner with “Amazing Fisbo” signs stuck to them. INT. MICAHEL‟S CONDO – KITCHEN – D2 Pam is arranging some Pepperidge Farm cookies out on a tray. PAM (V.O.) Michael only bought one box of cookies. Pam stands behind a large tray of cookies, spread out as artfully as possible. Angela and Oscar enter kitchen. ANGELA There‟s nothing to drink. No napkins. This is already a disaster. (hand to forehead) PAM Maybe we should ask Phyllis what to do. Angela gives Pam a murderous look. ANDY enters at this moment. ANDY Um, maybe, Pam, YOU should go ask Phyllis what to do. Angela can‟t be bothered with this party planning nonsense anymore. Right Sweetie? Angela shoots daggers at Andy and storms off. (CONTINUED)

29 OSCAR I‟ll run to Dunkin‟ Donuts and get a Box O‟ Joe and some cups. PAM And napkins. ANGELA (O.S.) This is not coming out of the part planning budget! INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – UPSTAIRS BEDROOM – D2 Michael is adjusting his tux in the mirror. MICHAEL TALKING HEAD MICHAEL The trick here, one of many tricks here, is to create an atmosphere of suspense. The longer they become curious, the better. They‟ll have a few cookies- Pepperidge Farmand they will still be hungry. Hungry for food? No, hungry for entertainment. Everyone will want more. Michael presses his fingertips together and stares at himself penetratingly in the mirror.


30 INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – DOWNSTAIRS – 20 MINS LATER People are shown streaming in. Only Phyllis, CREED and Kelly seem to have brought people. Phyllis has an older businessman with her. Kelly has one of her sisters, and Creed has with him what appears to be an Italian man wearing dark sunglasses. Creed and this man sit to the rear of the room, and Creed appears to be trying to sell him something other than paper. Oscar returns with coffee and some bagels. Dwight is shown manning the door and keeping people from going upstairs. There is a velvet rope across the stairway. DWIGHT (passing out papers) Here is your program, and here are your property disclosures. No flash photography and the seller will pay closing costs. Mose is shown hanging out behind the condo, pacing. Dwight is now upstairs with Michael. DWIGHT TALKING HEAD DWIGHT Mose begged to come. Michael didn‟t want him around because he said he would freak everyone out. Mose is shown again. Someone in the living room glances out, and Mose jumps back. DWIGHT (CONT‟D) So, I made him my assistant. So that makes him assistant to the assistant magician. MICHAEL (O.S.) To the magician!! (CONTINUED)

31 DWIGHT (CONT‟D) He loves magic. I think it‟s in his blood. My mother always said that Uncle Yonnie and Aunt Sarah once did a disappearing act. EXT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – D2 A family with a young girl around six is shown getting out of their BMW. They are dressed expensively. DANIEL This is the last time. No more open houses for your sister. She‟s got to sink or swim. JEANNIE We are in and out. (glancing around) This place is a craphole. They approach the door and Dwight opens it for them. There is a beat where they stare at each other, then, DWIGHT Welcome to the home of Michael Scott, The Amazing Fisbo. We‟ll be starting soon, right this way. JEANNIE (entering, confused) Um, I‟m Jeannie Schott, Charlotte sent us from Realty Resources. Are you the owner?


32 INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO - CONTINUOUS – D2 They are now all in the foyer. DWIGHT (to daughter) Greetings, young one. (deliberately, to Daniel) No, I am not the owner. He will be starting his presentation shortly. Dwight hands them the disclosures and program and crosses off. Daniel gives Jeannie a look. The lights go on and off a few times, and Michael walks slowly down the stairs. The theme to the Olympics is playing. We know that Dwight is handling this. MICHAEL (to room) Welcome! I, and this, is..are The Amazing Fisbo- AKA Michael Scott and 1484 Stoneybrook Loop! The Amazing Fisbo is a euphemism for both a fun guy and a fun house. Thank you for coming. I am honored and humbled. Today, I am going to suspend your disbelief, dazzle your senses and scramble your brains. Some of you will never be the same. Get ready, because you‟re about to experience a little something I call Michael Scott- Street Magic. (beat, then,) (a la David Blaine) Look it, look it. Wait a minute. Wait- watch this. Michael attempts to levitate. He does not succeed. He looks up at audience, expectantly. (CONTINUED)

33 DWIGHT OH my Gosh! Did you see that! (to room) He levitated! That is unreal! (to Michael) Do it again! Michael looks at Dwight. Shut up! MICHAEL (still a la David Blaine) OK, check it out. Who has a deck of cards? DWIGHT I do! I do, Michael. Here. Brand new Bicycles. MICHAEL Pick a card out of this pack. Do not let me see it. Dwight picks a card, obviously feeling for a certain one. We can see Mose peeking in the glass door. Dwight hands the deck back to Michael. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) Show it to everyone else. I‟ll turn around. We see that the card is the ace of spades. He turns back around and throws the rest of the deck against the glass door. As the cards fall to the floor, all we only see Mose‟s hand slapped to the outside of the door holding an ace of diamonds. INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – KITCHEN – D2 Pam is rearranging the few cookies left. Jim approaches from behind and encircles her. He has just come in. He shakes a cookie out of her hand and replaces it with a key. She stares at it for a beat. She smiles. (CONTINUED)


INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS – D2 Jeannie and Daniel are sitting in folding chairs. JEANNIE (whispering) Can we get out of here? Daniel does not respond. He is shocked, mesmerized, or both. Michael picks up another pack of cards from the table. MICHAEL For my next feat, I will need a volunteer. Kelly‟s sister rises, but Dwight cuts her off and practically pushes her over. DWIGHT I will volunteer. MICHAEL Pick a card out of the deck and show it to everyone. (Dwight does so) Good, now I need everyone here to concentrate on that card. Michael suddenly throws a dart at a dartboard on far wall. It comes crashing down, and a large, obviously patched piece of patched sheetrock falls out of the wall. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) That was not supposed to happen. I will fix that before closing. Michael senses he is losing his audience. (CONTINUED)

35 MICHAEL (CONT‟D) OK, you have been a great audience. I have one last treat for you all. The coup de grâce, if you will. This time, I will need a small and preferably cute assistant. Dwight makes a conspicuous exit. Michael rolls out an old wardrobe into the hallway, completely blocking any sight of the front door. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) I don‟t think anyone here could argue that you, little girl, are the cutest little person in the room. Kelly and her sister exchange glances. Whatever! MICHAEL (CONT‟D) Will you help me, please? He leans down to the little girl, Jeannie and Daniel‟s daughter. She matter of factly gets up, walks to the wardrobe, and gets in, without being told or saying a word. MICHAEL (CONT‟D) OK, abra cadabra, when I open this door, you will be in a better place. OSCAR (to anybody) Can I get in? Michael opens the door to the wardrobe, and the little girl is gone. It is obvious she left through the back of the wardrobe; you can see a little crack showing the back. Michael smiles. So does everyone else. There is an awkward minute, and the parents suddenly seem very uncomfortable. (CONTINUED)

36 INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS – D2 PAM You signed a lease? Jim remains silent and stone-faced. PAM (CONT‟D) You didn‟t sign one. Jim‟s face-nothing. PAM (CONT‟D) Is this the key to your place? Jim raises his eyebrows. PAM (CONT‟D) Is it the key to your heart? Jim makes puppy dog face. Pam laughs, but they are interrupted by the sound of rising voices in the living room. Jeannie and Daniel are standing with their arms crossed. MICHAEL Please, remain calm. I am having a hard time reaching your daughter in the other realm because of the commotion. DANIEL We have been good sports, but if my daughter is not standing in front of me in 10 seconds…. MICHAEL (refusing to break character) I have to concentrate. (CONTINUED)

37 Daniel pushes Michael and the wardrobe out of the way and storms out the front door, shouting for his daughter, Alexa. JEANNIE Call the police! Jeannie sits down and doubles over, freaking out. Pam seeing this, rushes over to her. PAM Ma‟am, your daughter is fine. He is not a bad man. He‟s just…. an idiot. Michael is standing with his eyes closed, concentrating and murmuring to himself, stubbornly ignoring the chaos that starts to erupt around him. EXT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO COMPLEX – PLAYGROUND AREA – CONTINUOUS - D2 Mose and the little girl are on the seesaw (or swings) together. They are both smiling. Dwight is there and he is checking his watch. EXT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO-LATER - D2 Police are leaving the premises. Jeannie and Daniel‟s BMW pulls away from the condo and Alexa is waving from the window, Phyllis is seeing her elderly customer, MR. TALBOT to his car. MR. TALBOT This was supposed to be an hour out of my life, tops. PHYLLIS I know. I‟m so sorry.


38 MR.TALBOT I was trapped at a crappy magic show, party to a kidnapping and questioned by police. PHYLLIS (low voice) Bob Vance will make this up to you. INT. MICHAEL‟S CONDO – FOYER – D2 Michael is totally undone, sitting inside the wardrobe, looking depressed. Oscar is cleaning up and glances now and then at him in the wardrobe. OSCAR TALKING HEAD OSCAR Part of me wants to subscribe to Michael‟s version of reality. I mean, our office is the top selling branch in the company right now. Michael Scott‟s branch. If that‟s not magic, I don‟t know what is. FADE OUT. END OF EPISODE

TAG EXT. BEHIND MICHAEL‟S CONDO – EARLIER – D2 Mose is shown actually levitating as we hear Michael‟s muffled magic show in the background.




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