General Information About Domestic Violence

General Information About Domestic Violence • • • • • • • To learn how 'domestic violence' is defined... To learn the warning signs of domestic violence... To learn what the law of the State of Washington says about domestic violence... To learn about the co-ordinated response to domestic violence in the King County area... To hear about the Domestic Violence Public Education Project in King County... To learn how you can help as a contributor or volunteer in this area's ongoing effort to stop domestic violence... To learn about the agencies which are available to serve victims of domestic violence 1 How 'domestic violence' is defined Disagreements develop from time to time in relationships. Domestic violence is not a disagreement. Domestic violence encompasses a wide range of acts committed by one partner against another in an intimate relationship. This may occur in a variety of relationships: married, separated, divorced, dating, heterosexual, gay or lesbian. Violence of a particularly injurious nature is primarily perpetrated by men against women. Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors, some causing physical injury, others not, some criminal, others not, but all psychologically damaging. Frequently, domestic violence includes threats of violence, threats of suicide, or threats to take children from the abused person. It may also include breaking objects, hurting pets, yelling, driving recklessly to endanger or scare the abused person, isolating family members from others, and controlling resources like money, vehicles, credit, and time. The goal of an abusive person is to establish and maintain control over his or her partner Domestic violence is a learned pattern of behavior whose effects, without intervention, become more destructive and sometimes lethal over time. There's no excuse for domestic violence. 2 The warning signs of domestic violence There are frequently warning signs that domestic violence is happening in a relationship. If you have observed any of the following things in a relationship, domestic violence could be happening and you might be able to take action to help. (We use the word "partner" generally; it could mean husband-and-wife, people who are dating, family members, people who live together, same-sex relationships, or others.) Warning signs of domestic violence include: • • • • • • • • • • One partner checks up on the other a lot, for example, by listening in on phone calls, constantly asking about whereabouts, calling a person at work all day, checking a person's car mileage. One partner puts the other down, for example, by name-calling, constant criticism, public or private humiliation, or making the other partner feel crazy. One partner tries to control the other, for example, by telling the person not to see certain friends or family members, keeping the person away from school or work, making the person stay home when she wants to go out. One partner acts jealous or possessive and says it's a sign of love. One partner destroys or threatens to destroy the other's belongings. One partner threatens to hurt the other, or friends, family members, or pets. One partner touches the other in a way or ways that hurt or scare the other partner. One partner makes the other have sex in ways or at times that are uncomfortable. One partner blames the other one and other people for everything, and gets angry in a way that scares the other partner or observers. One partner says that the concerns of the other about the relationship are not real or not important. If someone is caught up in domestic violence, help is available. Listen to other messages on this Information Line for specific things you can do and for information on community and other agencies who can help. Chemical dependency and domestic violence are two separate problems. Drinking and drug use do not cause battering. Battering does not cause addiction. Although no causal link between the two problems can be established, both problems often co-exist within the framework of an abusive relationship. When this happens, both the severity of injuries and lethality rates may increase, making safety and sobriety of paramount concern. If you are in an abusive relationship and concerned about your own or another person's alcohol or other drug use, you can receive information and referrals 24 hours a day by calling the Alcohol Drug Help Line. The number in the Seattle area is (206)722-3700 or for all Washington State residents, 1-800-562-1240. Remember, anyone can be in a violent relationship. 3 What the law of the State of Washington Says about domestic violence Domestic violence is a serious crime. It is against the law in Washington to hit, hurt, or seriously threaten with violence a family or household member. RCW, Section 10.31.100 requires a police officer to make an arrest if the officer has probable cause to believe an assault occurred within the preceding 4 hours and the assault was committed by a spouse, former spouse, adult person related by blood or marriage, persons who have a child in common, adult persons who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past, persons 16 years of age or older who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past and who have or have had a dating relationship, persons 16 years of age or older with whom a respondent 16 years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship, and persons that have a legal or biological parent-child relationship. An assault includes such things as slapping, pushing, shoving, pinching, throwing down, pulling hair, and other violent actions that are unwanted and unpermitted, or any physical action, as well as threats, which are intended to cause the victim to reasonably fear imminent serious bodily injury or death. In Washington State, police officers are required to arrest the person who the officer believes is the primary aggressor and may look at the history of domestic violence between the parties, the comparative extent of injuries, or the fear of physical injury to determine who the primary aggressor has been. An officer has the option to make the arrest or issue a citation if the incident did not occur within the 4-hour mandatory arrest period. If the abuser is charged with or arrested for a crime, a criminal "No Contact Order" may be issued to prevent the abuser from having any contact whatsoever with the victim. A police officer shall also arrest a person who, with knowledge of a court order, has violated the terms of the order. If there is an assault or reckless endangerment that is in violation of an "Order for Protection" or a "No Contact Order," the abuser may be subject to felony criminal charges. Domestic violence includes, but is not limited to the following crimes when committed by one family or household member against another: reckless endangerment, coercion, harassment, malicious mischief, stalking, kidnaping, criminal trespass, rape, burglary, or unlawful imprisonment. RCW, Section 26.50 provides a civil remedy for domestic violence. A victim of domestic violence may fill out a Petition for an "Order for Protection" and file it with the court. The civil Order for Protection may be sought without police intervention. Violation of the Order for Protection may subject the abuser to arrest and possible felony charges if a subsequent assault or reckless endangerment is committed. 4 Coordinated response to domestic violence in the King County area Law, safety, and justice agencies and community agencies within King County have collaborated to develop a coordinated response to domestic violence and to tell the community that domestic violence is not acceptable in King County. A coordinated response uses the expertise of police, prosecuting attorney, shelter providers, probation officers, Judges, court personnel, court advocates, community advocates (including those providing individualized services for special populations), and batterer treatment providers. Improved communication between the legal system, victims, and batterer treatment programs creates an atmosphere and a community in which batterers are less able to manipulate the system and escape the consequences for their abusive behavior. A coordinated response also offers victims and their children a wider selection of options, so they can choose services that meet their individual needs for legal and for community support services. The key to a coordinated response is continuous, ongoing training of all agency personnel. This ensures appropriate, consistent responses that hold batterers accountable for their abusive behavior and protect the victims and their children from further violence. 5 Domestic violence public education project in King County Domestic violence -- violence that occurs between partners in an intimate relationship -- is on the rise in King County and throughout the Pacific Northwest. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States. In the City of Seattle, 49% of female homicide victims and 17% of male homicide victims were killed by a partner or family member. Our community can no longer afford to remain silent, in effect passively condoning the violence. Domestic violence can occur in any family and in any relationship. LOVE SHOULDN'T HURT, There's No Excuse for Domestic Violence" -- that's the theme of a 4- year public education campaign targeting King County. A collaborative work group, which includes domestic violence victim agencies, perpetrator treatment professionals, the King County Prosecutor's Office, the YWCA of Seattle-King County, youth serving agencies, local businesses, corporations, and community members, have joined together to develop and implement this campaign. The objectives of the campaign are: to decrease the current community tolerance for domestic violence; to increase the number of natural supporters (family members, friends, co-workers, health care providers, and so on) and teach them to intervene appropriately and safely with someone experiencing domestic violence; to help young people avoid abusive relationships; and to increase the number of people who provide caring and support to children affected by domestic violence who are at risk of repeating the violent behavior they have learned. Our approach is to use health education principles (similar to those applied in stop smoking and designated driver campaigns) to design messages, themes, and materials that motivate people to change their attitudes and behaviors. Brochures about the Warning Signs of Domestic Violence and community service agencies are available. We will be using posters, transit ads, events, press kits, news releases, television and radio public service announcements, and a special domestic violence prevention project in the area schools as elements of the campaign. The King County Information Line, at 205-5555, is also a part of the public education effort. For more information about the Domestic Violence Public Education Campaign, contact Meg Crager at (206) 296-7864. 6 How you can help as a contributor or volunteer in this area's ongoing effort to stop domestic violence There are two types of programs that train volunteers to provide services to persons affected by domestic violence. First, court-based volunteer programs help victims who are using the legal system. Second, community-based volunteer programs help with shelter and advocacy services in the community. For information on court-based volunteer legal advocacy programs, call the Seattle City Attorney's Office at (206) 684-7741 or the King County District Court volunteer advocate program at (206) 296-9669. Community-based volunteers provide a broader array of volunteer services. This is because domestic violence shelters and community advocacy programs in King County are all nonprofit organizations in constant need of financial, volunteer, and other contributions. If you have time, money, household items, or special skills you can donate to your local domestic violence program, please call them. Here we list several such agencies which would be glad to get your call during normal business hours: To help in Seattle, call: • • • • • • • • Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services at (206) 726-0093 (TDD only) WA Relay Service 1-800-833-6384 Advocates for Abused and Battered Lesbians at (206) 547-8191 Catherine Booth House at (206) 324-4943 Consejo Counseling and Referral Services at (206) 461-4880 New Beginnings at (206) 522-9472 Refugee Women's Alliance at (206) 721-0243 YWCA African-American Family Network at (206) 461-8480 Seattle Indian Health Board at (206) 324-9360 In South King County, call the Domestic Abuse Women's Network (DAWN) at (425) 6564305. In East King County, call Eastside Domestic Violence Program at (425)562-8840. 7 If you are or think you might be a victim of domestic violence... • • • • • • • For help with your personal safety plan. To learn the warning signs of domestic violence. For information about confidential shelters. For information about agencies which can help you. To learn about your legal rights and how the police or 9-1-1 can help you. To learn about how to qualify for an Order for Protection and about the protection order process. To get the Crisis Line number. 8 For Help With Your Own Safety Plan The most important step you can take for yourself, if you are a victim of domestic violence, is to build a safety plan to protect yourself from the abuser. When physical, emotional, or sexual violence has occurred once in a relationship, it is likely to happen again. So you need to plan ahead to protect yourself and your children. Since you know the abuser's actions and behaviors, you should use this knowledge and plan ahead. Here are some things to consider in your personal safety plan: • • • • • Teach your children how to call 9-1-1. Tell trusted friends, family members, and neighbors what is going on. Arrange to have a safe place to go to. A domestic violence shelter is one option. Ideally a safe place is one that your abusive partner doesn't know about. Prepare a bag of clothing, medications, and other essentials for yourself and your children to use if you have to leave quickly. Hide the bag where you can get to it in a hurry. Make several copies of your important papers and keep one set in the bag (other copies could go to trusted friends or family). You may need things such as your identification, birth certificates, financial and insurance information, social security cards, any court Order for Protection. Keep your address and appointment books with you. If you have a car, make an extra set of keys and hide them where you can get to them if you need to. You could hide them on the car; a magnetic key holder is one way to do that. During an incident of abuse or violence, get out if you can. Call 9-1-1 for the police, if you feel it is safe. If you cannot get out, stay away from the kitchen, bathroom, garage, or other potentially dangerous rooms. Call for help; if neighbors hear, they may call 9-1-1. If your abusive partner has left the home, you might change the locks and the phone number and you might need to reinforce doors and windows. Have a plan in case you encounter your abuser. Remember, the more precautions you take, the safer you will be. If you need other ideas on how to plan for your safety, call a domestic violence hotline or agency for help. • • • • • • 9 Warning Signs of Domestic Violence The following are warning signs that could indicate that you are a victim or are becoming a victim of domestic violence. Where we use the word "partner" we mean husband, wife, spouse, lover, or whoever applies in your situation. You may be at risk for domestic violence if your partner is doing any of the following things: • • • • • • • • • • Checking up on you too much: for example, your partner may be listening to your phone calls, asking you where you were, calling you at work throughout the day, or checking the mileage on your car. Putting you down: for example, your partner may call you names, criticize you frequently, humiliate you in public or private, or make you feel crazy. Trying to control what you do: for example, your partner may be telling you not to see certain friends or family members, keeping you from going to school or work, making you stay at home when you want to go out. Acting jealous or possessive and saying that is a sign of love. Destroying or threatening to destroy your belongings. Threatening to hurt you, your friends, other family members, or pets. Touching you in a way that hurts or scares you. Making you have sex in ways or at times that are not comfortable for you. Blaming you or others for everything; getting angry in a way that scares you. Saying that your concerns and fears about your relationship are not real or not important. Please look at other information about actions domestic violence victims can take and to get information on agencies that can help you. Please remember that no one has a right to hurt you, whether you drink alcohol, use other drugs, or are clean and sober. Domestic violence is a crime. Addiction is an illness. Unfortunately, both of these problems are difficult to talk about. Drinking and drug use, your own or another's, can make it hard for you to stay safe. It is important to realize violence is not caused by drinking and drugging, although that can lead to increased vulnerability. If you are in an abusive relationship and concerned about your own or another's alcohol or other drug use, you can receive information and reerrals 24 hours a day by calling Alcohol Drug Help Line. The number in the Seattle area is(206) 722-3700 or Statewide at 1-800-562-1240. 10 Confidential Shelters In King County, there are four shelters in confidential locations to serve battered women. There is also one shelter that primarily serves battered women and their children in a nonconfidential but secure location. Victims of domestic violence should call individual shelters, since services and intake procedures are different for each shelter. In general, shelters offer: • • • • • • • • emergency housing for up to 2 weeks (longer under some circumstances) individual and group counseling therapeutic child care for children of residents parenting support food, clothing, and personal care items for residents advocacy and referral to other resources education on domestic violence and related matters referral to transitional housing Names and phone numbers of confidential shelters for battered women in King County are: • • • • In Seattle, New Beginnings at (206)522-9472 Also in Seattle, Catherine Booth House at (206)324-4943 In East King County, Eastside Domestic Violence Program at (425)746-1940 In South King County, Domestic Abuse Women's Network (DAWN) at (425)6221881; DAWN's emergency number is (425)656-7867 11 Where To Get Help There are a number of organizations that provide a variety of community-based services and advocacy for victims of domestic violence and their children not living in shelters. Some agencies serve specific geographic areas, while others specialize in meeting individual needs of refugee women, gays and lesbians, deaf or hearing impaired women, Native American women, African American or Spanish-speaking women. The services of community advocacy programs vary, but generally they include the following: • • • • • • safety planning individual advocacy and referral support groups with child care parenting support legal information community education on domestic violence The following agencies serve specific geographic areas in King County: • • • In Seattle, New Beginnings at (206)522-9472 In South King County, DAWN Community Advocacy Program at (425)656-8423 In East King County, Eastside Domestic Violence Program at (425)562-8840 The following agencies serve all of King County, providing services for victims and children with specialized needs: • • • • • • • • • • • Refugee Women's Alliance at (206)721-0243 serves refugee women and offers advocacy in many languages. Consejo Counseling and Referral Services at (206)461-4880 offers advocacy and counseling for Spanish-speaking persons. Alcohol/Drug Helpline Domestic Violence/Chemical Dependency Prevention Program at (206)722-3700 or 1-800-562-1240 for callers impacted by both domestic violence and their own or another's substance abuse. Chaya at (425)227-0088 serves South Asian domestic violence victims and their children. Jewish Family Service at (206)461-3240 serves Jewish domestic violence victims and their children. Seattle Counseling Service for Sexual Minorities at (206)323-1768 serves gay men who are victims of domestic violence. King County Coalition Against Domestic Violence at (206)568-5454 provides general information about domestic violence programs and advocacy services available in King County. AABL/The Northwest Network for Bisexual, Trans, and Lesbian Survivors of Abuse at (206)568-7777 serves DV victims. Seattle Indian Health Board at (206)324-9360, extension 2806 or 2807, serves Native American domestic violence victims. Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services helps victims who are deaf or hearing impaired. The TDD number is (206)726-0093. East Cherry YWCA African American Family Network at (206)461-8480 serves Black African-American domestic violence victims. Press 3 when you get through to this number. The following agencies provide services to sexual assault victims: 12 • • • • King County Sexual Assault Resource Center, whose 24-hour crisis line number is (206)226-7273, or 1-800-825-7273, provides legal advocacy, counseling, and medical and legal referrals to sexual assault victims living in King County outside of Seattle. Community education and training are also available. Harborview Sexual Assault Center, whose 24-hour number is (206)521-1800, provides counseling and referral services to victims of sexual assault. Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services, whose 24-hour crisis line is (206)2363134 (TDD) or WA Relay Service: 1-800-833-6384, provides culturally appropriate sexual assault services for deaf and hearing impaired persons, including legal advocacy, counseling, medical and legal referrals, support groups, case management, and community education and training for King County residents. Eastside Sexual Assault Center for Children, whose (425)688-5130 phone provides a referral number after hours, provides assessments, evaluations, counseling and legal advocacy for children up to age 18. This agency also provides medical clinics for children twice a month, by appointment only. 13 Your Legal Rights and How the Police or 9-1-1 Can Help You If you are a victim of domestic violence, there are legal remedies designed to protect and help you. If you are in immediate danger, please hang up and call 9-1-1. Domestic violence is a serious crime. It is against the law in the State of Washington to commit acts of domestic violence. If one family or household member hits, hurts, or seriously threatens harm against another family or household member, a crime has been committed. Domestic violence assaults can include such things as slapping, pushing, shoving, pinching, throwing a person down, pulling hair, and other unwanted violent actions. You are also a domestic violence victim if you have been verbally or physically threatened and are fearful of being hurt. It is a crime for someone to violate a valid Order for Protection which a Court has issued to help protect you. The term "family or household member" under the domestic violence law includes "spouses, former spouses, persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have lived together at any time, adult persons related by blood or marriage, adult persons who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past, persons sixteen years of age or older with whom a respondent sixteen years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship, and persons who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship, including stepparents and stepchildren and grandparents and grandchildren." There are legal options for you as a victim of domestic violence. You have the right to expect help and protection. Here are some things you can do: • You can call the police and report what the abuser has done. Be sure to give them your name and your location. Give them as much information as you can. Officers will be sent to your location as soon as possible. A written report should be filled out by the police if they come to your house in response to your call for help. A written report is required by law; be sure to insist that a report is completed. If the police believe they have probable cause to suspect that a person assaulted you within the previous four-hour period, they are required to arrest the person who committed the assault. This is the law. If your abuser is arrested for or charged with a crime, you have the right to ask the police or the prosecutor to obtain for you a criminal "No-Contact Order" which requires that the abuser have no contact with you. This is provided by law. The police are required by law to advise you about shelters and other services in your community. They are supposed to tell you about your right to file for a civil court order for your protection. Often they have a written notice about your legal rights to give you. You can also ask for this information. You can go to court and file for a civil Order for Protection. This is an enforceable court order that will direct the abuser to stay away from you. This is different from a criminal "No-Contact Order." You may want to have both kinds of orders issued. For more information about Orders for Protection, go here. • 14 How to Qualify For an Order for Protection and About the Protection Order Process If you or your children are victims of domestic violence, that is, acts of violence, stalking, or threats against you by a family or household member, you are likely to be eligible to apply for an Order for Protection. This is a civil court order that restrains the person who has abused you from further acts of violence or threats, by setting limits on that person's behavior. You are eligible for an Order for Protection if you have experienced physical harm, bodily injury or assault, or sexual assault. This is domestic violence if the person who harmed you is a family or household member, defined by the law as "spouses, former spouses, persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have lived together at any time, adult persons related by blood or marriage, adult persons who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past, persons sixteen years of age or older with whom a respondent sixteen years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship, and persons who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship, including stepparents and stepchildren and grandparents and grandchildren." 15 Perpetrators/Batterers If you are a batterer or if you are concerned you may be abusing your spouse, partner, another household member, or a person you are dating, this area gives you actions to take now, plus information on resources available to help you stop. • • • • • For actions you can take NOW to stop the violence and get help... To read the warning signs of domestic violence... To read about community agencies which can help you... To learn provisions of the law against domestic violence... To learn about protection orders... 16 Actions you can take NOW to stop the violence and get help When you're thinking angry thoughts about your partner and you feel upset and frustrated, remember that you have a CHOICE. Here are some ways you can stop your violence: • • • LEAVE THE SCENE: No matter where you are, no matter what your partner is doing, just LEAVE! Leave to collect your thoughts. GO somewhere safe and peaceful, to calm down. SLOW DOWN - COOL DOWN: Focus on something else to help you calm down. Take a brisk walk. Listen to music. Work out. THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Domestic violence is damaging to all family members, the victim, the children and the perpetrator. It is also against the law in Washington State. Perpetrators who are arrested for domestic violence usually have to serve time in jail. Those who are convicted or plead guilty are often required by the court to complete two years of probation, a year of specialized counseling, and payment of fines and restitution. Although it can be difficult to do, it's a good idea to get professional help on your own. TALK: Talk to someone outside the situation, such as a counselor at a crisis line. Tell them you need to cool down and that it helps to have someone listen to you. They will! Call (206)461-3222 for the Crisis Clinic. TELL A FRIEND: Tell a friend you trust what you are doing to slow down and cool down. Remember that alcohol and drugs get in the way of making safe decisions. GET HELP: We've provided a list of domestic violence treatment programs which can help you learn new ways to solve problems without violence. • • • If you are in danger or at risk of hurting someone else, please hang up and call 9-1-1 NOW. 17 The warning signs of domestic violence You are about to read warning signs that may show you are committing acts of domestic violence. Where we use the word "partner" we mean wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, lover, or whoever applies to your situation. Where we use "she" or "her," if your partner is male, hear it as "he" or "him." You may be committing domestic violence if you are doing any of the following things: • • • • • • • • • • Checking up on your partner a lot: for example, you could be listening to your partner's phone calls, asking where she has been, calling her at work throughout the day, or checking the mileage on her car. Putting your partner down: for example, you may call her names, criticize her frequently, humiliate her in public or private, or try to make her feel crazy. Trying to control your partner: for example, you may be telling her not to see certain friends or family members, keeping her from going to school or work, making her stay at home when she wants to go out. Acting jealous or possessive and saying that is a sign of love. Destroying or threatening to destroy your partner's belongings. Threatening to hurt your partner, her friends, other family members, or pets. Touching your partner in a way that hurts or scares her. Making your partner have sex in ways or at times that are not comfortable for her. Blaming your partner or others for everything; getting angry in a way that scares your partner. Saying that your partner's concerns and fears about your relationship are not real or not important. If you think you may be committing acts of domestic violence, stop now and seek help. Listen to the other messages in these pages for actions you can take today to end the violence. Drinking and other drug use is no excuse for abusive behavior. Telling yourself battering will stop when the drinking and drug use does is a very dangerous mistake. People who abuse others as well as substances need two kinds of treatment: substance abuse treatment and batterer's treatment. Unlearning unsafe, abusive patterns requires accountability as well as sobriety. If you are in an abusive relationship and concerned about your own or another person's alcohol or other drug use, you can receive information and referrals 24 hours a day by calling the Alcohol Drug Help Line. The number in the Seattle area is 722-3700; the number for people throughout Washington State is 1-800-562-6052. 18 Where To Get Help The following programs meet State standards for people who are court-ordered to attend domestic violence treatment. Domestic violence treatment programs help abusers to identify and stop their abusive behavior, to recognize the impact of the abuse on their partners, children, and themselves, and to learn a variety of techniques for having safe, respectful relationships. Marriage counseling and anger management programs generally do not meet State standards for domestic violence treatment and therefore are not appropriate in domestic violence cases. Fees vary by agency and many agencies have sliding fee scales for low-income clients. Programs that provide services in Seattle are: • • • • Family Services Domestic Violence Treatment at (206)461-8369 Veterans Affairs Medical Center at (206)764-2007 Zegree, Ellner, and Barrysmith at (206)525-4775 Seattle Counseling Service for Sexual Minorities at (206)323-1768 Programs that provide services in East King County are: • • • • Eastside Mental Health at (425)889-7101 Family Services Domestic Violence Treatment at (206)461-8369 Doug Bartholomew at (425)635-0188 Anger Control Treatment and Therapies at (206)521-1111 Programs that provide services in South King County are: • • • • • Highline/West Seattle Community Mental Health at (206)241-0990 Family Services Domestic Violence Treatment at (206)461-8369 New Directions at (253)939-2243 Aby and Associates at (253)850-7015 Federal Way Youth and Family Services at (253)839-3313 Programs that provide treatment to special populations are: • • • • • Asian Counseling and Referral Service at (206)695-7511 serves Asians from eight Asian language communities Consejo Counseling and Referral Service at (206)461-4880 serving Latino and Chicano families Ina Maka Family Program at (206)325-0070, serving Native Americans Seattle Counseling Service for Sexual Minorities at (206)323-0220, serving gay and lesbian abusers Veterans Affairs Medical Center at (206)764-2007 serving veterans 19 Provisions of the Law Against Domestic Violence Domestic violence is a serious crime. It is against the law in the State of Washington. It is a crime to hit, hurt, or seriously threaten a family or household member with violence. Assault includes such things as slapping, pushing, shoving, pinching, throwing someone down, pulling hair, and other violent actions that are unwanted. A person who verbally or physically threatens a family or household member, making that person fearful of being hurt, is committing a crime. Violation of a court order is also a crime. The term "family or household member" under the domestic violence law includes "spouses, former spouses, persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have lived together at any time, adult persons related by blood or marriage, adult persons who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past, persons sixteen years of age or older with whom a respondent sixteen years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship, and persons who have a biological or legal parent-child relationship, including stepparents and stepchildren and grandparents and grandchildren." When police respond to a domestic violence call in Washington State they are required to make a written report and make an arrest if they believe that an assault occurred within the previous four hours. They can make an arrest even after the four-hour period, depending on the circumstances. They may also issue a citation. The State of Washington and those who enforce the law recognize domestic violence to be a serious crime against society, and recognize the importance of giving maximum protection to the victim. The intent of the domestic violence law is to help protect the victim while communicating clearly that violent behavior is not excused and will not be tolerated. If you think you may be committing acts of domestic violence, stop now and seek help. Other messages on these pages provide information about programs that help abusers identify and stop their abusive behavior. If you are upset, getting out of control, or in need of immediate help, hang up and call 9-11. 20 Protection Orders If you are the Respondent in an emergency Order for Protection or a full Order for Protection, the Court has set limits on your behavior in order to provide for the safety of the Petitioner. If you violate the conditions of the Order, you can be arrested immediately, you can be issued a citation, or you can have a civil contempt-of-court action filed against you. If you have been served with an emergency "Temporary Order for Protection and Notice of Hearing," read the order carefully. Note the date and time set by the Court for a full hearing. You have the right and option to attend that hearing. One of the purposes for the hearing is so the Court can hear from you and know your responses to the Petitioner's statements. Remember: it is your responsibility to abide by all the conditions in the Order. You are to follow the Court Order strictly. So long as it is in effect, you are to abide by it. You can be arrested for violating the order even if you are invited by the Petitioner to do something which would violate it. Only the Court can change the provisions and conditions of a Court Order. 21 If you are a friend, child, neighbor, employer, professional, or anyone else concerned about possible domestic violence you have seen or heard about... If you have seen, heard, suspect, or are concerned about domestic violence or abuse involving people you know, this section offers suggested actions you can take to help. Be sure to protect your own safety -- if you are in immediate danger, hang up and call 9-1-1 NOW! • • • • • If you are under 13 years old... If you are a teenager... If you are a family member, neighbour, or friend of someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you are an employer or co-worker with someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you in your work capacity suspect that one of your customers, clients, or patients is possibly affected by domestic violence... 22 If you are under 13 years old... If violence is happening between the adults in your home, there are 3 very important things to remember: First: Keep yourself safe! If adults are fighting, don't try to stop them. The best thing that you can do is to go to a safe part of the house. Some places might be: your bedroom, another part of the house, or even your closet! If you want to do something because someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and talk with the adult who answers the phone. Second: It's important to remember that the violence is not your fault! When someone hurts someone else, they are responsible, not you! Third: If someone is using violence in your family, it's important to talk with an adult whom you trust about the fighting and some of your feelings. You could choose a teacher, a doctor, a relative, a pastor or rabbi, or even a neighbor. If they don't listen, find someone else you can talk with. All of this may be very frightening, and you may feel very alone. But remember these three things: it's your job to stay safe; the fighting is not your fault; and you can and should find an adult you can talk to about it. If someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and tell the adult who answers the phone about it. 23 If you are a teenager... If violence is happening between adults in your home, it can be extremely stressful, confusing, and frightening. There are three important things for you to remember: First: Keep yourself safe. When we see someone we care about being hurt, we sometimes want to try to stop it ourselves. If you get involved, you might get accidentally hurt, or the fight might become even worse. Instead, you might call 9-1-1 and report the problem and then go to a safe place for yourself, such as your room, another part of the house, outside, or a friend's house. Second: No matter how the violence started or what was said, it's not your fault. It's the responsibility of the person doing violence. Third: When violence is going on in your home, it can create a lot of feelings for everyone involved. It's important that you find healthy ways to deal with these feelings. Sometimes we want to lash out at others or take it out on ourselves with harmful behaviors or activities. It may be helpful to find an adult you trust to talk with about what is going on. So, remember these three things: keep yourself safe; it's not your fault; and talk with an adult you can trust. You could call the Crisis Clinic at (206) 461-3222 and tell them about the problem. Child abuse should be reported to the Child Protective Service at (206) 721-4115. You might also call Youth Eastside Services at (206) 747-4937. Remember: if someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and tell them about it. A final note for you if you are over 16 years old and in a dating relationship with someone else who is over 16 years old: If you are experiencing violence or abuse from the person you are dating, you may be eligible to obtain an Order for Protection from your District Court or Superior Court. Information about how to obtain court orders is available here. 24 If you are a family member, neighbor, or friend of someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect a person you care about is being abused, you can help. Your offer of help could make the difference to someone living in an abusive situation. You may suspect abuse if you observe some of these warning signs: • • • • • Frequent bruises or injuries The person becomes unusually quiet or withdrawn The person is absent from work a lot or quits The person stops talking about her partner The person wears concealing clothes even in warm weather While there is no one right way to help someone, here are some important things to keep in mind: • • • • • • • • Talk in a safe, private place Take the time to listen, and believe what you hear Don't underestimate the danger Express your concern for the person's safety Don't expect change over night; be patient and continue to offer support Don't judge or criticize your friend's decisions Encourage the person to make her own choices, but urge her to talk to someone who knows about domestic violence Let the person know that many other people are in abusive situations and tell about agencies that can help You can learn more about domestic violence by reading other sections of these pages. As you learn more, you will be more likely to spot friends who need help and to know how to help them. 25 If you are an employer or co-worker with someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect a person you work with is being abused, you can help. Your offer of help could make the difference to someone living in an abusive situation. Some warning signs of abuse that might show up in the workplace are: • • • • • • • Unexplained bruises Lack of concentration Change in performance or attitude Increased or unexplained absence Receiving harassing telephone calls Disruptive personal visits to the workplace Depression or anxiety While there is no one right way to help someone, here are some important things to keep in mind: • • • • • • • Learn as much as you can about domestic violence, by reading other portions of this Information Line or by contacting the agencies profiled here. If you observe warning signs, let the person know that you notice a problem and that you are concerned. If the person wants to talk to you, ask what help (if any) would be most useful to the employee (for example, time off for court appearances, security escorts to the car, not transferring calls from the abuser to the employee). Don't allow the situation to become a topic of office gossip. Don't tell the person what to do or judge their decisions. Get help from Human Resources, Personnel, the Employee Assistance Program, or other resources in your company or organization. Managers and supervisors should understand the laws that restrict employers from asking employees about certain health or home life issues. If you need information about these laws, seek out someone in your company who can help you. Your willingness to help can be very important to someone who is being abused. 26 If you suspect that one of your customers, clients, or patients is possibly affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect someone is being abused or abusive, you can help. In many cases, your ability to recognize the signs of domestic violence will determine the effectiveness of the services you offer. Because domestic violence is often overlooked or ignored, you can offer better help if you know how to spot it and how to respond. It can initially be uncomfortable to ask people about abusive behavior, but those who have tried it find that it becomes easier with time and improves the work they do with clients and patients. Your response will vary based on the type of work you do, but here are some general guidelines: • • • • Learn as much as you can about domestic violence, by reading other parts of this information or by contacting agencies profiled here. Get specialized training. Routinely ask every client or patient about being hurt by a partner or hurting others. Routine asking removes the stigma from domestic violence and helps us overcome our stereotypes of who might be abused. Ask questions in private. Ask questions that help a person to tell you what's going on. You should ask an injured person, "Was this done by your partner?" rather than asking, "How did you get hurt?" The second question makes it easy for both the client and the professional to deny the abuse. Assess an abused person's safety and help reduce the danger. Express your concern that the person may get hurt again. Help the person explore options for safety. Encourage a person who is being abusive to seek help from a specialized batterer treatment agency. Don't agree with any statements that suggest their partner brought on the abuse. There is no excuse for violent behavior. Provide referrals to agencies that can help, such as those profiled in these pages. Develop a policy on how you will record abuse in your files. Consider your relationship with the client, the importance of providing good care or service, and the potential benefit or risk of records for your client. • • • • Your ability to help can be very important to someone in an abusive situation. 27 If you are a teenager concerned about dating violence, or if you want to learn about dealing with other forms of abuse... • • If you are a teenager who may be experiencing abuse in a dating relationship, a friend of a teenager in an abusive relationship, or a concerned adult... If you are a teenager who may be using violence to control your dating partner, there is help available for you. Violence is never an acceptable way to resolve problems in a dating relationship. For information on how you can stop the violence and find help... These pages deal with domestic violence. There are other types of abuse. If you are concerned about a different form of abuse, we have information about some other places to contact. • 28 If you are a teenager who may be experiencing abuse in a dating relationship, a friend of a teenager in an abusive relationship, or a concerned adult... Violence in relationships is not just an adult problem. Abuse occurs in more than a quarter of teen relationships. Dating violence is when physical, emotional, and/or sexual force is used by one person to control or dominate the other. If you or someone you know is a victim of dating violence it is important to talk about it with someone, preferably an adult, to get help. If the first person you tell doesn't help you, talk to someone else. Keep trying to get help. If you are being abused by someone you are dating or have dated in the past, remember, you are not alone and it is not your fault. You may feel confused and scared about what is going on. But, you need to deal with it, because the abuse will likely get worse over time. It does not go away just because your partner says they will stop the abuse. The following warning signs may indicate that you are in an abusive dating relationship: You may be at risk if the person you are dating or have dated in the past: • • • • • • • • • • Is jealous and possessive toward you, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, or won't accept breaking up. Tries to control you by giving orders and making all the decisions. Doesn't take your opinion seriously. Is scary. (You worry about your partner's reactions to things you might say or do.) Threatens you, uses or owns weapons. Is violent: has a history of fighting or loses temper quickly. Pressures you for sex, or is forceful or scary around sex. (In a male, may treat women or girls as sex objects.) Gets too serious about the relationship too fast. Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to use them, too. Blames you for the mistreatment you get. Says you provoked the abuse, pressed buttons, or "asked for it". Your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you they were worried about your safety. If you have observed any of these things happening in your or another teen's relationship, dating violence could be happening. You can prevent it from getting worse. Help is available. Look to other messages on these pages for specific things you can do and for information on community and other agencies who can help. If you are in an abusive relationship or trying to get out of an abusive situation, here are some tips you might think about to increase your safety: • • • • • • • Stay in touch with your friends and stay involved in activities that you enjoy. Consider telling your parents or other family members about what is happening. They can help you screen telephone calls or visitors. Try not to be alone. Let your friends know what is happening and have them walk to classes and spend time during lunch with you. Tell teachers, counselors, coaches, or security guards about what is happening. Have them help you be safe. Change your routine. Don't always come to school the same way, or arrive at the same time. Always have someone with you. Always keep extra quarters with you so you can make phone calls. Consider obtaining an Order for Protection from the court. 29 • • • • • Make a list of phone numbers, including 911, crisis lines, and supportive friends whom you can call when you are upset. Try not to be alone with your dating partner. Don't go by yourself to an isolated or deserted location. Before leaving home to go somewhere, let other people know what your plans are and where you'll be and when. Trust your instincts. If you feel you are in danger, get help immediately. Break up with your partner in a public place. Let other people know that you plan to break up with your partner and let them know where you'll be and when. Everyone has rights in a relationship. Keep in mind that you have the right: • • • • • • • To To To To To To To trust yourself and your instincts; be respected as a person; change your mind; express your feelings; refuse a date; not be physically, emotionally, or sexually abused; break up with someone who makes you feel bad. Please listen to other messages about actions victims of domestic or dating violence can take and to get information on agencies that can help. There are specific agencies that also provide assistance to teenagers dealing with dating violence: • • • • • • • • • • Youth Eastside Services (support groups) (425)747-4937 Youth Advocates (legal issues) (206)322-7838 Family Services (anger management) (206)461-8369 Friends of Youth (emergency shelter) 1-800-442-TEEN Teen Line (206)722-4222, 1-800-562-1240 King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (206)226-7273 or 1-800-825-7273 Seattle Rape Relief (206)632-7273 Harborview Sexual Assault Center (206)521-1800 Eastside Sexual Assault Center for Children (425)688-5130 Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (206)236-3134 (TDD only) WA Relay Service 1-800-833-6384 30 Other Types of Abuse If you are concerned about a different form of abuse, we have information about some other places to contact. You should call 9-1-1 if anyone is in immediate danger. Your local police can also help you in dealing with other forms of abuse. • • • • • Abuse or suspected abuse of a child should be reported to the Child Protective Services, or CPS. The 24-hour number for CPS in Seattle/King County is (206) 7214115. Abuse or possible abuse of an elderly person should be reported to Adult Protective Services, or APS. That number is (206)587-5620. Abuse or possible abuse of animals, including pets, can be reported to the Humane Society at (206) 641-0080. Report concerns about possible gang or drug activity, school trouble, or violence involving youths to your local police or school officials. Violence between unrelated persons or neighbors or other adults or children in your area should be reported to your local police. You should report your concerns about abuse. Even your anonymous report can help someone who may be in danger. 31