General Information on Teen Dating Violence The dynamics of dating violence in adolescent relationships are very similar to the dynamics of domestic violence in adult relationships. Like adult domestic violence, teen dating violence crosses all social and economic classes, races, cultures, genders, and sexual orientations. Despite the similarities with adult domestic violence, there are some unique aspects of teen dating violence which make it an issue separate from adult domestic violence. Many teens have not had much experience with intimate relationships and therefore may be especially susceptible to the sex roles presented in society which are overwhelmingly stereotypical and non-egalitarian. In addition, teens perceive relationships to be significant in a much shorter period of time, and therefore may have difficulty leaving a relationship even after only a month of dating a partner. Even if a victim decides to break up with her/his abuser, they often attend the same school, contributing to a greater sense of fear and entrapment. Teens are also under a great deal of pressure by peers to be involved in a relationship, which may add to their ambivalence about breaking up with a partner. Finally, many teens may resist seeking help from parents or other adults. At this developmental stage, teens are struggling to declare independence and may try to solve problems on their own or with their peers. They may fear that if they reach out for help from an adult in their life that they may lose some of the freedom which they have worked hard to attain. Statistics on Teen Dating Violence The statistics on the prevalence of teen dating violence are alarming and point to the need to see this issue as paramount to the work of domestic violence programs. According to Barrie Levy (1991), approximately one in four teenagers will experience violence in dating relationships between the ages of 12 and 21. Research also shows that if violence occurs once in a dating relationship, it is likely to occur again (Levy, 1991) and that battering tends to escalate over time, leading, in some cases, to homicide or suicide (FBI, 1979). In a study of eighth and ninth graders, 25 percent indicated that they had been victims of dating violence. (Foshee, V.A. et al., 1996, “The Safe Dates Project: Thoeretical Basis, Evaluation Design, and Selected Baseline Findings.” American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 12 (5): 39-47.) Women aged 16-24 experience the highest per capita rate of intimate partner violence. (Cohall, A. et al., 1999, “Love Shouldn‟t Hurt: Strategies for Health Care Providers to Address Adolescent Dating Violence,” Journal of the American Medical Women‟s Association, 54 (3): 144-8. In a survey of gay, lesbian and bisexual students, 40 percent answered „yes‟ to the question, “Have you ever been hurt physically or sexually by a date or someone you were going out with?” (Goodenow, Carol. 1998, 1997 Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey. Malden, MA: Massachusetts Department of Education.
How to Address Teen Dating Violence When working with adolescent victims of dating violence it is important to offer them the same support and information that we offer adult victims of domestic violence. The most important messages for a teen victim to hear are “It‟s not your fault,” and “You deserve to have a healthy and happy relationship.” If we are concerned about a particular teen whom we may suspect is a victim of dating violence we should talk to that individual in a non-judgmental way about our concerns for her/his safety and offer to be a support to that person. This may mean offering to help the person create a developmentally appropriate safety plan, which should take into consideration the unique aspects of teen dating violence situations. It may also mean offering the individual resources, such as the number for the local domestic violence agency, school support personnel, teen counseling programs, or law enforcement. As adults it is important for us to give the message to all teens that love is not about violence or control. We should talk with our youth about what it means to be involved in a healthy relationship and what rights they have as partners in dating relationships. Prevention programs targeted at youth should remain a top priority for all communities. Domestic Abuse Intervention Services offers different opportunities for prevention programming, including classroom speaking engagements on dating violence and healthy relationships, and ten week Teen Healthy Relationships groups in the schools which follow a set curriculum. Warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship Jealousy of other people – won‟t let the victim talk to other people; will accuse the victim of cheating Controlling behavior – picking out the victim‟s clothing; asking her/him to carry a pager or cell phone so that s/he can always be found Unrealistic expectations – expecting her/him to be the perfect girl/boyfriend; “If you loved me, you‟d….” Isolation from friends and family – always wanting to be with the victim; not allowing her/him to go out with her/his friends; telling the victim that s/he is too close to her/his family Blames others for problems – never accepts responsibility; “The teacher hates me, that‟s why I got an „F,‟” even if the abuser didn‟t study for the test. Hypersensitivity – easily insulted. Verbal abuse – calling the victim names; saying the victim is stupid Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – sudden mood changes Past battering/ any force during an argument – including grabbing the victim; not allowing her/him to leave How to avoid a violent relationship (From “Out of Control” by Nancy Rue, in 1986 April-May edition of Teenage, pg. 56) Take the time to get to know the person you‟re dating – it is okay to be friends first and to set boundaries with a potential partner Determine how you want to be treated by a date and stand up for that
Insist that “power” be shared equally in a dating relationship – for example, both people get to have say in what they are going to do on a date If your partner has an explosive temper, or if you have to apologize to other people for his/her behavior, you may want to re-evaluate being involved in the relationship
Compiled by Shannon Barry, MSSW for Domestic Abuse Intervention Services