THE TRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS
As told by the wolf.
I'm the wolf, Alexander T. Wolf and I'm going to tell you the real story of the three little pigs. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar. You see, I was making a birthday cake for my dear old granny. I had a terrible sneezing cold and I ran out of sugar. So I walked to my neighbour, the pig's house, to borrow a cup of sugar. The pig didn't answer, so I was about to go home. Then my nose started to itch from my cold and all. And out came a giant sneeze and that whole darn house of straw came down. And there in the middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig - dead as a doornail. Well, I couldn't leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there, so I ate it up. Think of it as a cheeseburger.
Well, I still needed a cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake, so I went to the next neighbour’s house, the First Little Pig's brother. When I called to the Second Little Pig, he told me to go away, he was shaving the hairs on his chinny chin chin! Not very neighbourly, and I was about to leave when I sneezed another great sneeze! And his whole house of sticks fell down, just like his brother's. And there in the middle of the pile, was the Second Little Pig, so I had dinner again. Think of it as a second helping.
I still didn't have that cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake, so I went to the next neighbour’s house, the Third Little Pig. Well, he was rude as could be and he even insulted my granny! Well, I was mad. And when the cops drove up, of course I was trying to break down this Pig's door. I was huffing and puffing and sneezing and making a real scene. But a sick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar didn't make a very exciting story. So they jazzed it up with all that, "Huff and puff and blow your house down" business. And they made me the Big Bad Wolf. But now you know the real story. I was framed.