6th Grade On-Demand Persuasive Writing Samples - PDF - PDF

							6th Grade On-Demand Persuasive Writing Samples Looking at what students are doing, and not doing, to inform instruction Name/ Score #1
Home Economics

Strengths Strong voice and clear sense of purpose Provides possible solutions in her counterargument

Areas to Focus on / Teaching Implications Attempts a strong conclusion with a final appeal, but could revise to be stronger Move from a list of reasons to more elaboration on most important reasons Tighten up thesis / introduction. Avoid “I’ve overheard” as a persuasive writer. Consider audience. Some words are too familiar, such as: “For goodness sake” and “All I am trying to say is….”

#2
German Club

Organized. Understands basic structure of persuasive writing Sense of audience Consistent point of view

Elaborate on reasons and evidence Build a more reasonable counterargument Introduction and conclusion need some revision Revise words and phrases. Uses some effective words, but words don’t necessarily enhance his message. Revise introduction – take off first paragraph and start with the second paragraph Elaborate on the conclusion Strengthen counterargument

#3
Exercising Club

Engaging voice Sense of audience - a nice appeal to the principal. Knows his campus and is realistic in his suggestions Starts out general and becomes more specific

#4 Choir Club

Some sense of voice – voice is confident and authentic

Lists. She needs to elaborate on her reasons Needs a counterargument Edit for correct spelling - their, your

#5 Fashion Club

Shows passion for topic Understands the importance of reasons in a persuasive essay Some sense of voice Understands structure of a letter Evidence of preplanning

Needs to clearly state and elaborate on supporting reasons Sentence structure interferes with understanding Edit for correct spelling. Consider audience and develop an opposing viewpoint. Revise and develop an organization that supports the thesis

7th Grade On-Demand Writing Samples (Ginny’s notes) Looking at what students are doing and not doing to inform instruction Name #4 Strengths • Has a good idea • Shows passion in his writing for something important – holding on to your dreams • Claims Lil Rob is a role model and then gives evidence –he held on to his dreams. • • Areas to Focus on / Teaching Implications • Main idea and supporting details (not just lists of ideas) • Consider audience when writing -Principal may not know who Lil Rob is – so short explanation would be important -Connect holding on to dreams to students

#2

Has a good idea • Reveals his own feelings through the writing. School needs someone that can • motivate kids to do what is right and make people laugh at the same time. Puts being smart over being strong. • • •

Main idea and supporting details (not just lists of ideas) Consider audience when writing -Principal may not know who Chris Rock is – so short explanation would be important -Connect being smart to students Organization – word fluency – conventions after ideas are there. Work on using more precise /academic words Focus and elaborate on most significant ideas. Avoid lists. Pick a few strong reasons and explain those, like you did with him being educational. o Don’t mention nice /generous/ fun unless you explain your thinking Tighten up the organization. Has some main ideas and supports but goes off track and looses the flow in paragraph 3. Work on using more precise /academic words Work on organization – paragraphing Elaborate on opposing viewpoint and build Stronger counter argument Elaborate – with more reasons and details using academic words

Christina

• • • • • •

Great beginning – building up to who she has selected for her choice One strong argument – it would be educational Strong conclusion – bringing out most important reasons Clever beginning – engaging intro Elaborates on some main points (being a role model and inspiration) Voice – conversational style telling all she knows. Voice and word choice

Sadie

• • • • •

Sara Fisher

•

Gabriel

•

Some sense of stating a claim and supporting it

• Stepehn • • Strong intro – sense of audience Some great phrases - words •

Address opposing viewpoints Organization – elaborate and present main ideas in separate paragraphs.

6th Grade Persuasive Unit

Summative-On-Demand Writing – Student Copy

6th Grade Persuasive Unit On-Demand Writing

Writing Task: Writing the Persuasive Letter Suppose the principal of your school wants to start some new clubs on campus and is asking students to submit proposals to the office. Some students may want clubs related to academics, such as a math or science club. Others may want a club related to a favorite hobby or sport. What club would you want to see on campus? Write a letter to your principal convincing him or her to select the club of your choice. Be sure to include all that is stated in the task below.

PRESENTING THE TASK In this writing task, you will write a persuasive letter. You will have 60 minutes to complete the test. Your writing will be scored on how well you: _____ state your position on the topic. _____ describe the points in support of your position, including examples and other evidence. _____ anticipate and address readers’ concerns and arguments against your position. _____ organize your writing with a strong introduction, body and conclusion. _____ choose specific words that are appropriate to your audience and purpose. _____ vary your sentences to make your writing interesting to read. _____ check for mistakes in grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence formation.

You may either print or write in cursive.

SDUSD Mid-level Persuasive Unit 8/13/07

Writing Sample #1

Dear Principal, I’ve overheard from other students and some of my teachers that you are deciding to add a couple clubs into our school. I am writing you today to try and get you to consider a club that I had in mind. I know that Home Economics will make Marston Middle School a better place where students will feel more confident and comfortable with their fellow pupils, in their surroundings, and will make them a better person in life itself. I think Home Economics is nessisary in Marston Middle School. Home Economics is a chance for kids to make new friends who have similar hobbies or interests. You wouldn’t be teaching them anything you wouldn’t want them to learn. It’s cooking, sewing, and knitting for goodness sake. It wouldn’t be hard to find kids to join and deffinitly not hard to find a teacher to teach. I know, I know. It will probably be way out of your buget to provide a kitchen, 3 to 4 sewing machines, knitting needles and yarn. But be creative. You are in charge of a school with up to 15 hundred creative students and I know you can find some way. What about having people donate old sewing machines that still work or an extra pair of knitting needles they never use. What about buying a portable oven and having the club bake pastrys and sell them to pay it off.

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive On-Demand Unit of Study

Writing Sample #1

All I’m saying is that Home economics is a chance for kids to have one more chance. It will get them off the couch and getting them doing something active. Even at home. They can help put something into a meal instead of just eating it. They might save their money up for patterns, or a set of their very own knitting needles or even a fun easy cookbook. You may think those things are useless, but isn’t it better than them spending money on Hot Chetoes, new video games, or soda. I think so. Everyday they go to the club they will learn another life lesson or add on to one they knew little about. All I’m saying is that all the people that join you will find miraculous changes in. Their goals will be higher shooting for collage rather thatn just barley graduating highschool. Marston Middle School would be a brighter place if you include Home Economics as one of your choosings.

Sincerely, Student #1

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive On-Demand Unit of Study

Writing Sample #2

Dear Principal,

I have a suggestion for a school that I feel many students will enjoy. It is a German Club. This club would allow students to learn about the many great things that Germany has done and is still doing for us today. German is a unique language of power that not many people know so kids can feel unique and special. There is another good thing about having a German Club. It would increase the idea of travel and International Relations. This would be a great benefit for both the teachers and the students.

I know there are a few challenges to making this club a reality. For one, you would have to look for teachers who know German. Two, the amount of money it would take for all the items and the trips. And third it could cause conflicts at school between students. Although they sound difficult to solve they really aren’t. The problem about the teacher there are many people around here who speak German due to our location. The problem about the money can be solved by fundraisers created by the club. And finally, the problem of the student conflicts can be solved by teachers

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive On-Demand Unit of Study

Writing Sample #2

having at least a gist of German so they know a little about what the students are talking about. Please think about the club before throwing it in the trash.

Sincerely, Student #2

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive On-Demand Unit of Study

Writing Sample #3

Dear Doctor Cook, Clubs in school is a good idea. I had lots of different ideas for clubs, but I chose one as my favorite. There is a big obesety problem in America. If more people excersized, there wouldn’t be as much of a problem. It would be a good idea to have a club that had to do with exersizing. For five hours during the school day kids sit in the classroom. P.E. is the only class where you exersize something other than your brain. Out of the whole P.E. class, you get about 30 min. of exersize. That isn’t always enough. My favorite sport is soccer. Throughout my years of playing soccer, I have seen many kids who have never played a sport before, become a pretty good soccer player, and have fun. A soccer club could help kids without much athletic ability get into shape and have fun. I think soccer would be a better club than a video game club. Exersizing your legs is better than becoming more of a couch potato than you are at home and only exersizing your thumbs. I’ve seen a lot of Chivas jerseys being worn around school. I think most of them don’t play soccer, they just watch it. If any of them join the soccer club, they might find out that they not only like to watch soccer, but

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study

Writing Sample #3

play it too. After all, non-American football is the most played sport in the world. If you decide against a soccer club I would like it if you did at least one club that has to do with exersizing. Sincerely, Student 3

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study

Writing Sample #4

Dear Principal, I think many kids would be intrested in being in a choir club. Kid’s can compete against other Choir Clubs, and feel good about them selves. Plus, you can have a good time, and make new friends that are intrested in the same thing as you. Many people think singing is a waste of time, and that you could be studying for a test instead of having choir. A lot of kids think singing is lame. Kid’s who like to sing don’t have the time, or don’t know what to sing, but are shy about it. If their in a singing club with other people who are shy of singing too, then they will overcome it. Singing helps build confedence. It helps people get their emotions out. When I sing I feel like I’m free. So principal, when you decide wich club your going to pick, remember that your helping kids, soon to be mixed up Teens. So pick a club that will helps us!

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study

Writing Sample #5

Dear Principal, Don’t you just like fashion. Well I shure do. Look I think and strongly feel that having a fashion club would be good and help kids in school. I also think that they would like it a lot. I have some supporting reasons for that and on this piece of paper, I am going to write them on this paper. Well you might be thinking how a fashion club would help students or even make them better in schools. I am going to tell you how. Well the fashion club would help them not concentrating in schoo more than they should. You want to know why because once they get out of school they don’t want to think of school the rest of the day. So after school they do their homework and finish what they had to do for school. A lot of kids and I think that fashion is the center of our world and it may be. So this is why we are going to tell you how much I and other kids like fashion. We like it so much we even makes us think about it during class and if we have a fashion club we won’t think a lot of fashion during class. Well in all this iv’e been telling you how I feel about fashion. So if you want us to learn more please just make a fashion club. You may not like fashion as much as me and other people but this is how you will make us happy.

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study

Writing Sample #6

Dear Dr. Forcier, Please take my advice in having a club in which any animal-lover may participate. I am certain that many students like animals. This club would be a positive experience for anyone who wants to interact with animals. This club, the Paws & Claws Association (PACA) could take place after school, most likely in a large room that does not need to be super clean. One animal each week could be brought in. For instance, a student might bring in her Guinea pig. The time, probably around an hour, would be spent feeding him, playing with him, and learning about that animal. I know you are going to say that animal (besides humans) such as dogs are not allowed on campus. Of course there would be a limit. If Neddie really has a burning desire to bring in her bouncy Newfoundland, Doug, who might wreck everything and mug everyone with sloppy kisses, she could bring in something else. For example, she could show the club pictures or a video of Doug banging his head on the door when he wants in, or when he jumped up on the curtains and pulled them down. Fish would also be a problem. If someone dropped Goldie’s bowl, what do you get? You get an unconscious fish out of water. PACA would also schedule field trips. Instead, one idea fish-lovers might suggest is

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study

Writing Sample #6

Scripps Birch Aquarium. It is a 100% guarantee that no fish’s bowl would be dropped there. Maybe PACA could take a trip to the Humane Society, or the pet store to walk a dog. “Help I’m allergic to animals!” We have all heard that one. No one would be excluded because of allergies. PACA’s main intention would be for kids to have fun while dealing with animals. So, Dr. Forcier, what do you think? This club would be a great learning opportunity in addition to having fun. PACA is supposed to be a time for fun, animal interactions, and education. Please think about it. PACA is out there waiting for you.

Sincerely, Student #6

SDUSD 6th Grade Persuasive Unit of Study