Meredith O'Brien's Dysfunctional Family Bingo Card, 2008 B I N G O Your kid accidentally Your sister brings her breaks the heirloom family's large dog to You forgot to bring an Waterford crystal candy It's Thanksgiving morning. Thanksgiving. Someone extra outfit for your toddler dish that was left out on the And you just realized you at the gathering is whose diaper has just At least one relative drinks coffee table next to the lit forgot to defrost the turkey. allergic to dogs and exploded. You listen to a too much and goads tapered candles, even You get to spend the whole 1 another relative into a insists she needs to spend the day on the half-hour of tongue- clucking from better though you had earlier tried day listening to everyone tell political argument. to convince the hostess you what Rachael Ray back porch, while your 4- prepared parents who had that, with small children would do and wishing you year-old pulls the dog's to loan you a too-big around, these things would had more wine in the house. tail and gets bitten on the jumper for your toddler. be better off out of the kids' hand. reach. You loathe green bean At least two people at your Maxi pads, whose box you Your spouse camps out all casserole. Yet, for some Some older children at Thanksgiving dinner have had had tucked away in a day in front of the TV reason, one of your aunts the gathering taught your hacking coughs and bathroom cabinet, were watching football while has decided it's your impressionable young obviously runny noses, yet taken out by a young you're stuck in the 1950s, favorite holiday dish. She 2 doing dishes and child how to spit, the glory of purple nurples they still ask you -- repeatedly -- if they can announced to the gathering nephew who decided to remove the paper strips on scheming of ways to make that she made it just for you and new vocabulary hold your baby. When you the back and stick them all his life a living hell when and anxiously watches to words, like the "F" word. say, "No," you're criticized over the bathroom wall in a you get home. gauge your reaction as you for being overprotective. random pattern. taste it and try not to gag. While watching the turkey as it's lowered into a A relative hovers over turkey fryer in the back you in the kitchen while Your children want nothing yard, a male relative you're cooking, asking to do with Thanksgiving It gets heated when several becomes obsessed with you why you're doing dinner. They gorge on members of the family deep-frying something "that" every 30 seconds crackers, Chex Mix and ice 3 else, like a whole potato, and telling you how she FREE SPOT cream while repeatedly cannot agree on the best, fastest route to take from and, in his haste to plop used to cook, "Back sidling up to you and this location to the mall. potatoes into the pot of when women cooked and whining that the food here boiling oil, some of it actually knew what they "is yucky." splashes out and starts a were doing." small fire. A relative gets food Parents allow their young Your mother suggests that During what was supposed poisoning from the tuna their kids to run all over Your uncle has changed you join her in starting a to be a "fun" game of touch casserole your great aunt your house with food in the channel on the TV in diet in the new year, football, one adult slams his made. People jockey for their hands -- dropping the family room to HBO noting that your pants are 10-year-old nephew to the 4 the chance to flee the premises and spend time crumbs everywhere and stomping them into the getting "a bit snug" and which is showing the "Godfather" trilogy. In full ground in order to score a asking you if you've ever touchdown. When the kid in the Emergency Room rugs -- while leaving view of the grade schoolers heard the term "muffin objects, he tells him that so they don't have to have sticky fingerprints on the in attendance. top." today's kids are "soft." her tapioca pudding. walls. You didn't realize that, Utterly defeated, you wind Your spouse spends despite the long sweater up ordering take-out for At least one person A male relative drags you approximately 3/4 of the you're wearing, when you your guests after your oven demands to know where the outside and points out time checking the lean over in those pants stopped working. You and canned cranberry sauce is, everything that's wrong BlackBerry and making everyone can see your your spouse then got into a even though you've made 5 with your house, from the calls while you're stuck roof and gutters, to the listening to stories about underwear. This is pointed colorful argument in front homemade cranberry out to you by your mother- everyone over why you sauce. He also wants to window screens and your uncle's latest in-law who shouts, "We didn't just buy a new stove know where the plate of chimney. medical exam and the can all see your thong last week when it was first pickles is. antics of your aunt's cats. underwear ya know!" acting up. Image credit: Meredith O'Brien/Picket Fence Post, 11/24/08.
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