A Brief History of Dating
In m any societies , even in our m odem world, the custo m of d atin g, as we k now it is not practiced. Marriages are still arranged by parents, and in some places, couples never see or meet each other until they're married. In other societies, children are “m arried" b efore their adolesc ence, so there is not need for them to “date”. Even in North America, dating was not always an acc epta ble so cial pra ctice. In the 1 800 's, in spite of the fact that me n often did not m arry un til the ir m id twenties, dating, as such, was not a general custom. Young women and men m et almost always in the company of other people. They wou ld mee t at family functions, at church, at balls, in shops , on the streets - in other words, in public. If a young m an took a n interest in a wom an he would “call" on her, presenting his "calling card" at the door. If the young wom an admitted him, they would visit in the presence of her parents. The young woman therefore, controlled whom she saw. Repeated refusals to admit a caller indicated that the young wom an was not interested in the m an. If a couple becam e serious about their relationship, they might start "keeping company". The wom an would see only the one young man, who would visit her at her home now largely unsupervised. The purpose of all this was to find an acceptable m ate. It also meant that the young woman would only see callers of her own social class and religion. If a couple did date, it was only with a chaperone. It wasn't until after the First W orld W ar that dating as we think of it today began to be com e a com m on and m ore acceptable social custom. Previously, m ost parents lived in small comm unities where “everybody knew everybody else” and so there was no real need to date in order to meet som eone. As peop le m oved into larger, more populated cities, however, it became a neces sary way of getting to meet other "marriageable” people. After the war, several new deve lopm ents contributed to the rise of dating. Young peop le were spend ing mo re tim e in school; they had more m oney from part-time jobs; and they had access to cars. Marriage was no longer the primary motivation enjoyment was. Peer culture, not adults, set the rules for dating. Dates - going to dances, movies, or pa rties - w ere n ow largely un sup ervised. If two people became serious, they went "stea dy". Th e pu rpos e of d ating w as n ow to learn how to relateto the other sex. It was seen as practice for being married later on. This dating culture switched control towards men. Men paid for the movies, the dinners, and transportation. Today, people look upon dating as a means of getting to know others in a more personal way, and as a way of finding a suitab le m arriag e pa rtner. Nowad ays dating is see n as ano ther m ean s of s ocial recre ation. It is not only seen as a way to find someone to marry, but as a way of simply sharing a good time with someone without any serious, future-minded involvement necessarily intended. For one thing, bec aus e so m any m ore young peo ple, girls e spe cially, are beginning to wait longer to marry, young men and wom en now often have several years beyond the beginning of adolescence to decide upon a marriage partner. In the meantime they can enjoy getting to know more people. Shyness ranks very high on the list of pressures associated with dating. For boys, this initially seems to involve not knowing how to approach a girl to ask her out, since bills still initiate more dates than girls do. Many boys [and even some girls] res ort to re hea rsing a phone convers ation b efore the y actua lly call. The fear of reje ction, o r of no t being ask ed o ut, is another aspect of dating, which worries most people. Many people do not even take the first step in meeting and talking with someone because they're afraid of being turned down. It is as if one's whole attitude about one's worth and value depends upon the single opinion of a certain individual.
76 Ch rist and Culture: Unit One