Platiquemos Chistes y Caricaturas

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					Platiquemos Chistes y Caricaturas

El francés, el mexicano y el tigre - The Frenchman, the Mexican and the tiger
Un francés quería ir a un safari y contrató a un guía mexicano y se fueron al safari. Estando en plena selva apareció un tigre, el mexicano corrió y el francés le gritó: A Frenchman wanted to go on a safari, and hired a Mexican guide and they went on safari. When they were in the jungle a tiger appeared, the Mexican ran [away], and the Frenchman yelled: "Wait, wait!" And the Mexican responds: "No, it’s not a [female] dog, it’s a tiger!"

n¡Esperra, esperra!
Y el mexicano le responde:

nNo, no es perra es ¡tigre!

This joke depends on a foreigner mispronouncing Spanish. The Frenchman wanted to yell: "Wait!" However, he pronounced the single r of espera as if it were a double r, and the Mexican heard Es perra (It’s a female dog), not ¡Espera! (Wait!).

Senador, vi una de sus mansiones en una revista...¡Qué impresionante!...Qué lujo...!! ¿En una nota sobre gente de la farandula? No...en una investigación sobre enriquecimiento ilícito...

‘’Senator, I saw one of your mansions in a magazine...How impressive!...What luxury!’‘ ‘’In an article about people of the ‘high life’‘’? ‘’No...in an investigation of illicit enrichment.’‘

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Platiquemos Jokes and Cartoons

Tonto y el policia - Tonto and the policeman
Habían tres amigos que se llamaban Tonto, Nadie y Ninguno. Tonto va y le dice al policía: There were three friends who were called Dummy (stupid), Nobody and Nothing. Dummy goes and says to the policeman: "Nobody fell into the well and Nothing is helping him." Then the policeman responds: "Are you [a] dummy (stupid)?" "Yes, pleased to meet you!"

nNadie se cayó al pozo y Ninguno lo está
ayudando. Entonces el policía le responde:

n¿Usted es tonto? nSí, ¡Mucho gusto!

This joke isn’t very funny, but it does give me a chance to expound on the difference between"Stupid" in [American] English and Estúpido/a in Spanish Rightly or wrongly, "stupid" is a pretty mild insult in Englishnkids call each other stupid all the time. But it's a different matter in Spanish. To call someone estúpido or estúpida is a serious insult. This is because estupido/a is associated in Spanish with sub-human qualities. Tonto/a is closer to the English sense of "stupid" than estúpido/a is.

–¡¡Me parecen poco serio sus estudios sobre clonación, profesor!!

Your studies of cloning don’t seem very serious to me, professor!!

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Platiquemos Chistes y Caricaturas

El vaquero y el indio - The Cowboy and the Indian
Un vaquero encuentra un indio acostado a la orilla del camino con la oreja pegada a tierra. Curioso por esta costumbre india le pregunta qué pasa. El indio le contesta; nCarreta grande, cuatro ruedas, cuatro caballos, carreta llevar hombre blanco, rifle en brazos, al lado hombre blanco, mujer bonita, pelo largo, mujer llevar niño recién nacido en brazos. El vaquero sorprendido le comenta: A cowboy meets an Indian lying by the side of the road with his ear stuck to the ground. Curious about this Indian custom, he asks what's going on. The Indian answers: "Big wagon, four wheels, four horses, wagon carry white man, rifle in arms, by side of white man pretty woman, long hair, woman have newborn baby in arms." Surprised, the cowboy says: "Gosh Darn! I had heard of the ability of Indians to detect if horses or a wagon were coming only by putting their ear to the ground, but you've surprised me. How is it that you can give so many details just by putting your ear to the ground?" "It's that it just ran over me!"

n¡Caramba!, yo había escuchado de la
habilidad de los indios para detectar si vienen caballos o carretas con solo pegar el oído a tierra pero usted me ha sorprendido, ¿Cómo es que puede dar tantos detalles con solo pegar su oído a tierra?

nEs que, ¡Acaba de pasarme por encima!

Similar jokes, making fun of stereotypes about Indians, is told in English. Some might not think it very funny. Despite oft-repeated protestations of pride in the Indian past, and even claims of Indian ancestry (in Mexico, claiming descent from Montezuma or Cuauhtemoc is popular), in fact many whites and mestizos hold Indians in contempt. It has become politically correct to refer to Indians as gente indígena or indígenas. Our best advice for non-native speakers is to avoid references to people's race, and if forced to, use the politically correct term. Caramba! is a euphemism for Carajo!, much like "Gosh Darn" is for "God Damn!" Carajo technically means "penis", but is used like, and usually translated as, "Goddammit!" In Spanish it is usually impossible to create a meaningful compound word by putting two words together like cow + boy = cowboy. Doing this in Spanish would result in vacamuchacho, which would either mystify a native speaker or cause him to think you're talking about an incredible example of mestizaje.

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Platiquemos Jokes and Cartoons

Juzgado por feo - Judged for [being] ugly
En un juicio dice el fiscal: In a judgment [court case] the prosecutor says: "Look at the accused, his fierce look, his narrow forehead, his sunken eyes, his sinister appearance." The accused interrupts: "But...well...are you going to judge me as a murderer or for being ugly?"

nMiren al acusado, su mirada torva, su frente
estrecha, sus ojos hundidos, su apariencia siniestra. Y el acusado interrumpe:

nPero bueno, ¿Me van a juzgar por asesino
o por feo?

Siniestro/a, when used as an adjective as it is in this joke, it has a meaning very much like "sinister" in English. When used as a noun , however, (el siniestro), which is how you're most likely to hear it, it means a "catastrophe" or a "disaster".

nPregunta si nos vamos a quedar mucho tiempo.

“He’s asking if we’re going to stay very long”

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Platiquemos Chistes y Caricaturas

El papá piojo y el calvo - The daddy louse and the bald man
Éste era un papá piojo y su hijito piojo, estaban paseando por la cabeza de un calvo. El padre le dice a su hijo: This one was [about] a daddy louse and his little son [louse], and they were crossing the head of a bald man. The father says to his son: "My son, when I was young, this was a beautiful forest."

nHijo mío, cuando yo era joven, ésto era un
hermoso bosque.

People often address children of relatives and family friends as mi hijo or mi hija. The two words are usually run together so that it sounds like one word, mijo and mija. Hijo mío, as the daddy louse addresses his son in the joke, is an emphatic way of saying "son of mine", and this form wouldn't be used by people other than the parents.

Evo Morales, the new president of Bolivia. He is the first person of predominantly Indian background to reach this position. He would probably describe himself as a populist; others think he’s a socialist bordering on communist. He is fast becoming a member of the Castro/Chávez anti-American clique. One of his first actions on assuming office was to nationalize the Bolivian petroleum industry.

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Platiquemos Jokes and Cartoons

El ladrón y el loro - The burglar and the parrot
Un ladrón a la media noche se mete en una casa a robar. Entra por una ventana, y cuando está adentro en la oscuridad oye una voz que dice: A thief (burglar) at midnight gets into a house to steal. He enters through a window, and when he’s inside in the darkness he hears a voice that says: "Jesus is watching you!" Then, the burglar gets scared and stands still. Then when he sees that nothing happens, he goes on. And again the voice says [to him]" "Jesus is watching you!" The frightened burglar turns on the light and sees that the voice came from a parrot that is in a cage, and the burglar says [to it]: "Ahhh, what a fright you gave me! What’s your name, [little] parrot? And the parrot answers [him]: "I’m called Pedro". "Pedro is a strange name for a parrot." And the parrot answers: "The name Jesus for a Doberman is even stranger."

n¡Jesús te está mirando!
Entonces, el ladrón se asusta y se detiene. Luego como ve que no ocurre nada continúa. Y de nuevo la voz le dice:

n¡Jesús te está mirando!
El ladrón asustado prende la luz y ve que la voz venía de un loro que estaba en una jaula, y el ladrón le dice:

n¡Ahhh que susto me diste! ¿Cómo te llamas
lorito? Y el loro le responde:

nMe llamo Pedro. nPedro es un nombre extraño para un loro.
Y el loro le contesta:

nMás extraño es el nombre Jesús para un Doberman.

To North American Protestants (and most Catholics) naming a boy "Jesus" borders on sacrilege. The Latin culture, however, views "Jesús" as just a name. Naming a child Cristo would be the sacrilege. Of course, in the U.S. (and other English-speaking countries), naming a child Joshua, which is nothing more than a variant of "Jesus" is quite all right. Although many English-speakers are unaware of the distinction, in English "robbery" and "burglary" mean different things. The former implies a face to face confrontation, and taking goods through force or the threat of force. Burglary implies stealth. In Spanish, though, ladrón serves for both "robber" and "thief" or "burglar". Spanish does have a word for a petty thief: ratero.

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Platiquemos Chistes y Caricaturas

El gringo y eLcampesino - The gringo and the campesino
Estaba un grupo de turistas gringos recorriendo las chacras de un poblado rústico; en eso uno de ellos ve a un campesino tirado a la sombra de un árbol descansando. El gringo se le acerca y le busca conversación: nHola amigo, ¿Cómo estar tú? nMuy bien jefe, aquí descansando. nDígame, ¿por qué usted no trabajar más por sus tierras? –¿Para qué? nPara tener grandes cosechas y vender más. n¿Y para qué? nAsí tú poder ganar más dinero y comprar ganado. n¿Y para qué? nCon el ganado hacer reproducir y vender y ganar más dinero. n¿Y para qué? nPara tener una casa bonito y vivir tranquilo y descansar. n¿Y qué estoy haciendo? There was a group of gringos looking around the buildings of a rustic village; one of them sees a peasant stretched out in the shade of a tree resting. The gringo approaches and starts a conversation. "Hi, friend. How be you?" "Very good, boss, [I’m] resting here." "Tell me, why you not working more for your fields?" "What for?" "To have big harvests and sell more." "And, what for?" “That way earning mor money and buying cattle.” “And, what for? "With the cattle make reproduce and sell and earn more money." "And what for?" "For to have a pretty house and live quietly and rest." "And what [do you think I’m doing] am I doing?"

Time has very different meanings in the Northwestern European culture, from which many gringos are descended, and in the Latin culture. In the former, time is valuable for what one can get done in a certain amount of time. In the Latin culture, time is valuable for itself. While a gringo might want to make a lot of money so he can "take it easy" [and probably not do a very good job of it], a Latino doesn’t need to make the money, and can "take it easy" with the best! This is a very clumsy and incomplete description of a fundamental and important cultural difference. The main thing I hope you get from it is that the Latino taking a siesta in the shade isn’t being "lazy" in the Norteamericano sense; he’s just spending some of what he has just as much of as the richest man in the world. Campesino is sometimes translated as "farmer". While not entirely incorrect, it can be misleading. "Farmer" to us Norteamericanos conjures up the image of the independent "family farmer" who owns his own land. Campesino is closer to the concept of "peasant". Perhaps "sharecropper" comes closest in American English to conveying the meaning of campesino. Someone who fits the image we associate with "farmer" would be called in Spanish agricultor or ranchero depending mostly on where his granja (farm) or rancho is located. (Much like almost everybody in Texas with an acre or two calls himself a "rancher", in Northern Mexico they’re almost all rancheros.)

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Platiquemos Jokes and Cartoons

Un niño y su tarea - A boy and his homework
Llega un niño de la escuela y le pregunta a su mamá: nMamá, mamá, ¿qué significa re, antes de cualquier palabra? nPues mira, como re-fuerte, que es muy fuerte. Y así se la pasó dándole ejemplos, y la mamá le pregunta: n¿Y por qué? Y el niño contesta: n¡Ah!, no, por nada, es que en mi tarea decía: "Re-probado". A child arrives from school and asks his mom: "Mom, mom, what does re before any word mean?" "Well, look, like re-fuerte, which is very strong." And so she went on giving him examples, and the mother asks him: "And why [did you ask about re?]" And the boy answers: "Well, no, nothing, it's [just] that on my homework it said: 'Re-jected'".

This joke is a play on words. If it had said on the child's homework aprobado, that would mean "approved". Just probado would have meant "tested". The mother's explanation is correct: colloquially almost everywhere Spanish is spoken, re- before a word can be an intensifier: re-divertido = "very entertaining". However, the re in reprobado isn't an intensifier meaning "super tested"; it's just part of the word reprobado, meaning "rejected".

[Letrero en la puerta] Dr. Pérez Especialista en garganta, oídos y nariz.

[Sign on the door] Dr. Perez Specialist in throat, ears and nose.

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