INTRODUCTION
What are the secrets to a successful divorce? Can a divorce ever be considered “successful”? Five years ago if you told me that I would be divorced today, I wouldn’t have believed you. I was completely unprepared for my divorce, both emotionally and financially. How I wish I had had someone to guide me through the trials and tribulations of this unknown territory. At the time, I felt completely lost and unsure about how to handle my divorce, which ultimately consumed a year-and-a-half of my life. If only I had received some guidance from a mentor, someone to offer the secrets that could have protected me legally and financially, I would have been spared a lot of heartache. I’ve written this book so that I can be your mentor today and provide you with a guide to a successful divorce. And yes, keep in mind that you can survive divorce and even become happier than you ever imagined. In this book I will give you the Seven Secrets to a successful divorce, plus several bonus secrets
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that you must know. I am going to offer one of those secrets right now, and this secret is the most important one. I want you to keep it foremost in your mind as you read the rest of the book and most importantly as you go through your divorce. So what is the most crucial secret you need to know to have a successful divorce? It is the simplest secret, yet the most difficult one to master: Controlling your emotions! I coach many women who just can’t seem to understand and follow this one piece of advice. Usually by the time they come to see me they have made quite a mess of things. I have coached women who have been divorced for years and still can’t control their emotions when it comes to their ex-husband! Granted you are going through one of the most difficult times you will ever face in your life, and so you may feel angry, hurt, sad, and confused. It will take immense stamina and self-control, but you must get—and keep—control over your emotions. Your ability to do so will affect every-
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thing from how you fare financially to how your children adjust. Losing control and showing emotion is how you lose this war. Do not be fooled, divorce is a war. You need to prepare for battle and master the art of winning the divorce war. How do you control your emotions when you feel like you just want to scream? 1. Do not speak to your soon-to-be ex-husband unless absolutely necessary. When you do engage in conversation, speak only about your children or other important issues. Control the temptation to tell him that he is an idiot or you hate him! When you feel that you want to say something derogatory, get off the phone or walk away. Remember self-control! 2. Resist the urge to spy on him, ask neighbors and friends about what he is doing, or grill the kids about his girlfriend. I have known women to make prank calls to their husbands, drive by their ex’s homes repeatedly, and do other crazy things that were used against them in a courtroom. One woman was actually sued because she wrote a nasty comment about her
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ex’s girlfriend on the Internet. She didn’t even refer to this woman by name, but the implication was enough for the judge to give her a guilty verdict and a fine. 3. Do not talk incessantly about your ex. You do need to talk to someone to let out your anger and rage, but limit your circle of listeners to a few good friends and family members. The clerk at the supermarket doesn’t need to know just what a bastard your ex-husband is! Anger is like a fire that needs fuel to grow. The more you talk negatively about your ex, the angrier you will become and thus increase the chance of losing your temper. Overall, think about the outcome you desire. Do you want to have the judge presiding over your divorce respect you, or do you want to look like an angry, bitter wife who is out of control? Most people lie in family court, which is why judges rely on their own impression of a couple to see if the husband or wife appears more credible. Your behavior outside of the courtroom is crucial. Out-of-control behavior will almost always wind up back in the courtroom and cost you dearly.
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So see a therapist, meditate, do whatever it takes to gain self-control. This is imperative at every stage: when you are thinking about getting a divorce, during the process, or even if you are already divorced. Your ex-husband is not going to go away, unfortunately, so you will need to find a way to deal with him in a calm and dignified manner. I realize that some books on divorce advocate getting revenge on your spouse or using unethical tactics in order to win your divorce case. But I am a firm believer in karma. No matter how despicably your spouse may act, you should never lower yourself to his level. Take the high road. That is not to say that you shouldn’t protect yourself, however. The information that I provide in this book is designed to give you the tools you will need to succeed in your divorce. At no time do I advocate that you act in any way to intentionally hurt your spouse. There are plenty of maneuvers you can employ to outsmart your spouse without resorting to dishonest actions. We will review in detail what you need to know so that you can be fully prepared and protected. I discuss my personal story in each chapter,
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hoping that my experience will help you through your personal journey into divorce. My divorce was ugly and bitter; learn from my experiences so that your divorce will be easier. Take what is written here, apply it, and you will master the secrets to a successful divorce!
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To find out how you can get a copy of
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce
What Every Woman Needs To Know
and $422 in FREE Bonuses go to
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