The Dating Game: A Man's Point of View
To Live, You Have To Die Once
By Curt Smith Relationship Correspondent April 3rd, 2000
New article by author every 2 weeks on Monday Suggest a subject for the next article
A wise man once told me, "As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never fully appreciated his advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it first hand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy contest. By now, you're probably asking yourself, "What in the world is this guy talking about?" Well, I'm referring to why the men that are labeled as jerks date hundreds of women while the men that are supposedly nice guys, date fewer women. Does this make sense to you? I'm saying that in order for a man to enjoy the company of women and seduce many of them, his inner nice guy must first die through heartache. It is at this point that his inner bad boy character can come out and live. A man who has experienced true love and did anything the woman desired, only to find his heart crushed by that very same person, will understand what I am talking about. A man that never experienced the heartache of being burned by the one person he really trusted, probably won't understand my comments. In any case, it is important to understand why nice guys finish last and why they always will.
Contrary to what most women think, men are interested in a successful relationship. Most men will never pass up the chance of dating the woman of their dreams. In fact, when a man does meet the woman of his dreams, his passion gets the better of him. The thought that goes through his mind is something like, "This woman is a keeper. I'm going to be a nice guy, treat her right and do anything for her." The only problem with being the nice guy is that you also become the boring guy. The excitement of wanting to seduce someone and having the person you can't have, starts to fade. Eventually, the woman will start to lose interest in him. In the end, the woman will look for a new man who will bring excitement back into her life, by acting as a new challenge. Challenge and excitement usually come from the selfish attitude, much like a bad boy that doesn't care about anyone else but himself. The nice guy will be left heartbroken and will start wondering what in the world he did wrong. It's at this point that a man begins to realize that most women generally don't know what they want from a man. Being the nice guy certainly doesn't help. The result: The death of the nice guy character. That's life and the legacy of the Nice Guy.
As long as women continue to burn nice guys, there will always be a healthy supply of new jerks to bring misery into their lives. Eventually and usually quite quickly, these nice guys will realize what type of man women seem to want. The result is something that snaps inside of them, as they begin to mimic the jerks that most women seem to desire so much.
To become that kind of man, it usually must be taken to the extreme, which involves acting like a selfish person that has no regards for other people's feelings. This amounts to becoming a jerk that talks to a woman and says anything just to get her into bed. The jerk will bring tons of roller coaster emotions into the woman's life, and once he has sex with her, he dumps her. Why? Because he doesn't want to get attached and burned again. Remember, once you get burned by matches, you don't play with fire again. So when women inadvertently or purposely create jerks out of nice guys, they are really shooting themselves in the foot. That's life and the legacy of the Jerk.
If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories of women dating big jerks that took them for a ride- literally? The fact is that women don't generally want nice guys, or at least they don't realize they do. Why? Because women react on emotions rather than the facts they are presented with. Who do you think brings out these same emotions in women? The jerks, of course. So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but no one wants to be perceived as a jerk either. This is why it is important to have a balanced attitude towards relationships. A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while remaining a challenge. In other words, be nice to women but remember who comes first in life; yourself, your irreplaceable family and friends, and then your woman. By following this motto, you can be sure to always have women at your feet. If you want the female perspective to this argument go see The Jerk Appeal. Get it on!