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									Femoral Pulse
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femoral pulse
n 1: pulse of the femoral artery (felt in the groin)
Well, the time has come again, lockers are emptied and we move on to bigger and better things. We salute those who’ve come before us- those lucky few for whom graduation comes and goes. Good luck on all your future endeavours ex-4th-years. Ok, now that that’s done with, let’s get down to business with the year passed, or at least the end of it. This issue is concerned with those last few months of the year, and in the next issue, the final for the academic year of 2008, we’ll move onto the great year of 2009- when Parkville will have a stream of fresh young faces, the first years of ’08 passing into the mantle of the veteran, whilst their forebears depart for the greener pastures of Werribee. We, the new final years, hope to make your stay as bearable as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cellars has been taken over!!! Mary Parker is the new Cellars representative (with assistance of the everhelpful Warren McInnes), running cellars every Thursday night, ready to help you with all your alcohol needs. She is however looking for someone to assist her in serving the masses. If interested, please speak to Mary

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Those reading the last edition of FP may have assumed that Parkville is where “It’s at”, if ‘it’s’ is refering to ‘trivia’ (Wow, that’s a lot of punctuation). Well, those people a wrong! (haha, take that imaginary people). Werribee are just as good at being trivial, as the Kendall Hall committee in conjunction with Cellars illustrated in their version of the much-anticipated event. What’s more, there wasn’t just trivia, there was charades, mintie-wrapper-tearing-competition, pictionary, poetry and one of the most exciting paper-plane races ever! (Which is not that difficult) There were prizes for each section, and joke-prizes for jokeanswers which were just as good as the real prizes! Joke prizes included dinosaur toys, a shower timer and playdoh, wheras those smart enough to actually know the answers received chocolates… mmm… chocolates. The poem competition was a brilliant concept where teams had to write and perform poems with “key-words” such as ‘sparkle’, ‘volvulus’, ‘cat-gut’ and ‘aquaculture’. Honourable mentions went to Warren’s love poem that sent Craig into a swoon, but it just couldn’t muscle past the raw emotion of Jenny’s “Ode to a Camelid”, taking the prize- a beautiful cactus- home for the meningomyelocoeles. Speaking of which, the meningomyelocoeles also came away with the top prize- chocolates and yoyos- and bragging rights all over campus… or at least the pathology wing. There was a great turn-out and everyone had heaps of fun all night. So thanks to Kendall hall and Cellars for a great night! -B. McCracken (thanks to Ruth Cummings for her assistance)

Julia’s “Woody tongue”

Though the poem recited by Warren (above) for the “Man bubble” team sent Craig into a swoon, it couldn’t sway the judges’ hearts like Jenny’s poem for the “meningomyelocoeles” (below)

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The committee of ’08 Parkville decided on a new approach to the famed halfway dinner this year, where before there was the traditional sit-down dinner with family and staff, it was decided to update the affair. Let’s face it, Parkville is done now, so why not celebrate with all your friends? There was a massive turn-out and revelry lasted well into the night as friends supped on beverages of all kinds, regaling each other with jokes, quotes and a few lecturer impersonations. The concept was to turn the previously stuffy event into something more informal and fun, and it definitely lived up to that. But that’s not to say that all traditions were discontinued, the ancient tradition of silly-awards was carried on into the new generation, with many well-deserved recipients. So to all now-3rd-years, onward and upward! Merry Parkville-mas and a Happy 3rd year! -B. McCracken (editor), photos courtesy of Denia, Jan, Jess Ierardo And Michelle (2nd yrs)

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In this article, Mary Parker explores the wonders of breed predisposition. These are the top 5 breeds that you should know before you graduate! Why? Because, well, let’s face it- some breeds are designed to be strong and resilient… whilst others… are Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. So for all of those almost-3rd-years, pay attention- this may very well be the article that saves you out in those clinics! So stop studying,put down your highlighter and pay attention, while we bring you: The Top 5 Dog Breeds You Should Know! Coming in at number 5 is a very common breed with the lot: German shepherd: There’s a saying amongst students studying for pathology: If anything can go wrong it will go wrong in a German Shepherd. If there’s a dog that comes into the clinic for a CSF tap with suspected meningitis after surgery for hip dysplasia, and it gets an ultrasound suggesting it may have a splenic torsion before it gets to the CSF tap……you know it’s going to be a German Shepherd, and probably a cryptorchid too. At number 4 is another large-breed dog: Dobermann: This breed suffers a strong case of breed discrimination. Every time one walks into the clinic you are going to think to yourself “Alright, where is this one bleeding from?”

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In 3rd place is a breed with a major identity crisis: Beddlington terrier: It is wise to learn to recognize this breed. Then you can say “What a fine example of a beddlington terrier” instead of “Oh my God! What is that? Is it a lamb?” when one walks in the door. When it comes to defects, it doesn’t get much worse than the next oh-so-cute, but oh-sodamaged entrant in second place: Pug: In the wise but blunt words of Glen Edwards: “Pugs are Pugs and they’re defective little things.” They get their own special type of encephalitis and I’m told they like to die right before the anesthetist gets an ET tube in. And finally, we have the wonderfully recognizable breed, that becomes synonymous with the word “chondrodystrophoid”, in first place, its: Daschund: It’s short, it has a long back and when you consider this breed you don’t instantly think “Oh, it has strange platelet counts just like greyhounds!” so you may start thinking the daschund is thrombocytopenic. Let’s be honest, you look at these dogs and don’t automatically think of greyhounds and blood work. You think of slipped discs in fat sausage dogs that jump off couches. -text by Mary Parker (3rd Year), pictures stolen from the internet and edited on an illegal copy of photoshop by someone… I can’t quite remember who, but it was someone evil and malicious I’m sure- here at FP HQ we respect copywrite! (quick, does anyone have a papershredder??)

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KENDALL HALL WOMEN’S FOOTBALL! 
A little bit belated, but nevertheless, here is the wrap‐up from the women’s  football team. Kendall Hall is the official Vet Science team and we usually do well  considering our size, however there were some logistical errors this year with  games scheduled during our lecture times, so only a few sports could be played.  Luckily for us, those sports that did go ahead were well worth the effort with  great performances all around. Great work girls (and Ben).   

Kendall Hall Women’s football team 2008 The pinnacle of the football season culminates on the last Saturday of September, where the two best teams in the competition battle for eternal honour and glory. Most football fans salivate at the thought of watching their team compete in the prestigious Grand Final at the ‘G’. However, footy enthusiasts throughout Melbourne had another exciting event to attend last week; the inter college football round robin competition held at ‘Prinny’. This year when the plea was made, Kendall Hall mustered a team of nineteen girls together. Training began two weeks before, what would be for many, their very first AFL experience. Training focused on the basics with the girls picking up the fundamentals of handballing, kicking and marking very quickly. One aspect of the game, that required no further tuition, was aggression in tackling which everyone was more than adequate at performing. Our first game saw the Kendall girls versus University College. After a brief warm up, skipper Kate Norman won the toss and elected to kick down hill with the wind. Signs were good early in the game, however difficulty in moving the Femoral Pulse | Edition 7 – 13/10/2008 Page | 7

ball from the half back line into attack cost the team dearly. Thanks to some inaccurate kicking on behalf of the opposition, we were only a few points behind at the main break. The second half saw a much fiercer game, however unfortunately we were still unable to challenge university college on the score board losing 10 – 0. Our second game was against the ‘Allies’ which was a conglomeration of smaller colleges. This was by far our best performance with the girls moving the ball with fluidity and conviction into our forward line. The distinct highlight of the game, if not the whole competition, was from our forward pocket Cat McDonough. After an inspirational ‘holding the ball’ tackle, Cat was placed on an extremely acute angle in the left forward pocket. As she walked in from the boundary line many doubted the young talent from Doncaster. But with complete poise and composure, and some remarkable right to left movement, she kicked the goal. Not only was it goal of the year but it put the game right out of contention for the Allies with Kendall leading 12 – 2 with only seconds remaining. Having a 1:1 win loss ratio, we proceeded to the quarter finals where we played a formidable St Hilda’s College unit. They had won their pool convincingly Cat McDonough – Equal leading and it was clear we would have a very goal scorer for Kendall Hall physical game ahead of us. Within minutes, the attrition began. Leah, our star defender, received a nasty blow to her head and had to be taken from the ground, only to come back on seconds later when Jennifer Cao was sent off with the blood rule. Whether this inspired the girls is uncertain, however, the intensity rose several levels and our endeavor was second to none. Unfortunately, St Hilda’s were superior on the day and ended the Kendall Hall finals campaign 22 – 0. Despite being weary and bruised from battle, high spirits were maintained thanks to Craig’s disc jockeying capabilities. The most valuable player award went unequivocally to Kristie Jennings whose mercurial efforts in all three matches were outstanding. I would especially like to thank Craig for his support, Kate Norman for her fantastic efforts as captain and also congratulate all the girls on a great effort – well done. -Ben Kaye Coach of the KH football team 2008

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During a safari to the deepest, darkest depths of Parkville, the Femoral Pulse department came across many wondrous new species (mostly reptilian). We also discovered an ancient seerwho is said to have the power of looking into the future, using the stars as her only guide! Thanks to the powers of the internet, the adventures and discoveries were relayed back to our home-base here in Werribee, where the chief editor sits in his comfortable chair with a mug of hot chocolate and a collection of assorted assistants/slaves honour-bound to do his every bidding. The arcane rituals of the seer are too horrible to mention, however- the results are undeniable! Turn the page and stare into your future, as we take a dive into the mystical world of….

*Results may vary, consult your doctor if symptoms persist

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Text by Nadia Wong, 1st year, Drawings by Heidi Bao, 1st year (http://crimsonsun.deviantart.com)
Aries (March 21-April 19) Despite the ruptured femoral vein that is the current financial state of the world, your little lala-land is infused with cheerfulness and positivism (and mine is filled with hyper-vocabularyria). It almost seem unfair how the mood of those multi share holders cannot touch you, or could it be that you have a large sum of foreign currency that just doubled in price in comparison to the Australian/New Zealand dollar? Part of your cheerfulness may be due to new found closeness in your close relationships but with every silver lining, there must be a black evil cloud in the horizon (a cloud not too different from the evilness that escapes from a gurgling alpaca). So tread with care with a big wide silly-willy grin and you'll be fine. Taurus (April 20-May 20) You are in the mood to risk more than you usually would to get what you want. Is that a few dozen new scalpel blades in your lab coat pocket? Speaking of lab coats… its time to realize that you are wearing a piece of art. Through a conspiracy of some sort, the legendary lost painting of picasso's turned up in your in your wardrobe!! Silly you thought that it was a lab coat! Charms can get you anywhere this month and this month in particular, your big brown jersey-bull-eyes are even more powerful than before! Assignment extensions, the free drink from the bartender, getting that soy sauce fish with your sushi for free while others have to pay 20 cents, anything is possible!! (Apart from getting away with not paying library fines, THAT is not possible). Gemini (May 21-June 21) It will be a good time to finish off past subjects before starting new ones. Unfortunately, printing off all the notes and slides on nonrecycled paper is NOT considered as finishing revising that particular part of the course, you also have to plant a tree for each printed page to offset the carbon tax that is heading your way. Now you know how beef and dairy farmers feel, switch to computer screen studying or print off 32 pages on one sheet paper and invest on a good microscope. After all, you'll need to buy one some day. I also predict an experience with a loooooong and tedious tax return… Cancer (June 22-July 22) You are possibly ‘on edge’ and physically vulnerable. Emotionally, you are pretty vulnerable too but let’s not go there.... You may feel an urge to scream and it’s probably best not to do that around glassware, or bat colonies. Keeping healthy is crucial for the upcoming bunch of exams because nobody wants to listen to a living specimen of upper obstructive airway disease during a physiology exam. But then again, if my prediction are correct, you will have a respiratory component to your exams so bringing in the symptoms to the exam hall is definitely a better way then writing it inside your underwear.

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Text by Nadia Wong, 1st year, Drawings by Heidi Bao, 1st year (http://crimsonsun.deviantart.com)
Leo (July 23-Aug 22) Leos with hay fever will contribute more moisture to the land then rain itself. Must be global warming!! While your confidence levels are running skyy (vodka) high, it is hard to notice that when a certain allergy/sore limb/any other sort of physical and emotional ailment is hampering your energy levels. Alternative medicine may work better in the long term than antihistamines as it is the case with many allergic animals. Leos are encouraged to enjoy their usual social life, even if most outings will be renamed as -study groups. Mid night snacks are a Leo's best friend =). Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) While already dreaming about the summer holidays (what holidays??), you may also feel more open to new ideas and ponder deeply about questions like whether or not the benefits of holistic human and veterinary medicines is undervalued simply because traditional science cannot prove them to be 100% effective. Or perhaps you wonder why anatomical terms often sound like spells from Harry potter - Levator Labialis!! Hunger pangs can be a problem, with chocolate cravings hitting you harder than ever. So you wait anxiously (while munching on chocolate cookies), for some smart person to invent a chocolate patch that will reduce cravings when applied to the arm or tongue. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct 23) Spring weather is a great change for Librans and many like to go out and frolic in the sun. Spring time also means that parasite numbers can escalate and zoonotic diseases survive longer in air. All of a sudden, throwing dung balls at each other doesn't seem like such a good idea after all. Another handy hint would be to avoid close contact with horses showing acute signs of Hendra virus infection *nod*. Dramas at home or in close relationships may be hard to deal with at this time of the year, but as good librans do, bitching and carrying on about it always solves the problem....eventually. Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 21) Scorpios enjoy the beginning of a new era dominated by fascinations and the imagination. In other words- scorpios are “coo-coo”. Friends will be important to get you through this period when day dreaming will make you confused about reality and illusions. This is quite a change as scorpios are known for their practicality and down to earth attitude. But this month, it is scorpio's turn to be random! (friends beware) eg. The world of vet students would be fundamentally changed forever if the scalpel became the scapular and the scapular became the scalpel and is sharp as a scalpel.

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Text by Nadia Wong, 1st year, Drawings by Heidi Bao, 1st year (http://crimsonsun.deviantart.com)
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) In general, most Saggitarians don't get a lot of sleep and the coming month will see sleep deprivation really creep up and affect a saggitarian. Every morning starts off with the same resolution- I'll sleep earlier tonight. However, every night, they will stay up long enough to get a moon burn or a monitor burn. Beware of the most common monitor burn- when one has the homepage of facebook "burnt" onto their face. The 2nd most common: ‘youtube burn’-when the "burns" actually move around like the last youtube video one watched. During lectures, one's snoring will be everybody's entertainment. Investing on a pair of glasses with eyes painted on the lens will be very useful. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Capricorns are prone to losing things this month. Not just material objects, but even the abstract- eg. old ideas, identity, armpit hair, etc. The good news is that things lost can be found again, or maybe you don't need them in the first place. After all, who really needs the gazillions of objects we had lost inside the black hole that is the insides of a grey hound? ...actually, maybe it is a good idea to look for those objects, especially if the poor dog is still alive! Some capricorns may get back in touch with their artistic side and its a good idea to keep that side alive because one day it will keep you sane in this crazy, crazy world of ours. Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Pets and long-lost friends are on the agenda. You either miss one of them, or both. (if you miss neither one of them, I'll accuse you of being in denial). To the loyal aquarian, there is just no substitute for the companionship of those special relationships. That’s why I recommend buying a blow-up dog. Dogs is a (hu)man's best friend. *I’m being astrologically correct har har har* So logically a blow-up dog doll is a (hu)man's best friend with benefits! *har Har Har* Aquarians need to let a bit of humour into their lives as it'll make the coming weeks much easier to get through... Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) Pisceans are a bit touchy lately. They are usually so level minded that it’s almost a shock to see them get worked up about things like the news! A totally (ir)relevant example would be -A piscean getting caught up in the emotional controversy surrounding Colin the orphan baby whale whose life hangs while people campaign to lengthen his uncertain life or put him down humanely. Maybe our sensitive piscean considered being a whale whisperer *how loud does a whale whisperer have to whisper in whale language in order to be heard anyways?* Some time alone may be just what you need and it will make things a lot clearer and simple than they appear to be.

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In the next issue, the staff at FP look into our crystal balls (if you laugh at that, it’s YOU who has the dirty mind), and write about the future of ’09 as we attempt to answer questions unanswered for millennia such asWill the next year ACTUALLY be easier, like everyone keeps saying? Is the pool-table at Werribee ever going to get new felt? Will that library fine of $14.99 be erased so I can go back to borrowing over-night books for a week? YAY! HOLIDAYS! Huh?? What’s “Extramural Work”? Can I really be trusted to get something from the pharmacy by my self? Will I finally get that cow that gives chocolate milk I’ve been praying for? How many roads must a vet student walk down…? Does “I will not pray for the death of the lecturers the week of the exams” really count as a New-Years Resolution? What if… you know… I don’t know the answer?! Does it actually MATTER if we don’t know whether a virus has +ve or –ve sense RNA/DNA? OMG! I’ve forgotten everything from last year, is that a problem? Who is that phantom person always getting H1’s?? It’s YOU, isn’t it? I always figured it was you… stupid bell curve. So until next time- Happy Christmas and Merry New Year! Or something like that. Back here at a different time, a different placeISSUE #8:

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At some point I’ll find a comic that DOESN’T involve stealing from xkcd, but until that time comes you can all enjoy more intellectual madness. This one’s for those of you who are interested in genetics and reproduction, etc… …Just remember that heritability isn’t always h=.5 http://xkcd.com/419/ is the –ahem- LEGAL owner of this comic.

That’s all we have time for this edition, but stay tuned for edition 8, out soon! Femoral Pulse is the newsletter of the VSSV, and is always on the look out for suggestions, ideas and content. Please send all correspondance to albeitera08@gmail.com

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STUDENT NUMBER ______________

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