MDs ‘R’ Us®: Gifts for
Sandeep K. Aggarwal, Vinai Bhagirath
To celebrate our tremendous success and growth over the last 4 years, MDs ‘R’ Us® is proud to present more holiday gift ideas for the busy physician.
A Pseudo-Doc Program™
Cardiac surgeons work long hours, often at the expense of spending quality time with their families — so much so that they soon become strangers in their own homes. If this sounds like you, don’t “flat line” just yet, because we have the solution for you! Yes, the Pseudo-Doc Program™ by MDs ‘R’ Us® allows you to rent a highly trained, certified professional who will take over your duties at home while you’re working late in the OR. Thanks, I’ve got They’ll pick up your kids from to work late school, take them to soccer tonight , AGAIN! practice, and have those onceNo problem... in-a-lifetime, heart-to-heart by the way, I dinged parent-to-child talks that your your car. children need. For an additional fee, they’ll also run errands for your spouse and take them out for romantic dinners. And no need to worry — our people hold to a A strict “No Palpation” policy! With Pseudo-Doc Program™ by MDs ‘R’ Us®, you can have Dr. Philips knows his family will get the attention your CABG and eat it too! they deserve with Steve from the Pseudo-Doc Now only $24.95/hour! Program™.
B NEW Super-Duper-Power-Wunder Bar™
Tired of having all the other orthopods kick sand in your face and steal your date because they’re bigger than you are? Face it, in the practice of orthopedic surgery, having big, strong muscles to hammer in those replacement hips is as essential as having an expense account at the Home Depot. So, what is the scrawny orthopedic surgeon to do? Take a bite of the NEW Super-Duper-Power-Wunder Bar™ by MDs ‘R’ Us® and put a little “oomph” in your health regimen. The formula, developed by German scientists in 1941, was originally intended to be used as a new, low-cost desiccant to put in BEFORE Super-Duperpants pockets, as insulation for government buildings and as a powerPower-Wunder Bar™ ful, radioactive energy source for street lamps. Allied spies eventually smuggled the secret out of Berlin and our scientists have spent the last 63 years refining and perfecting it into the greatest energy supplement bar ever to flood the already overcrowded market of energy supplement bars! These pocket sized, 743-g bars are fortified with iron, calcium, magnesium, boron, cesium, radium and, of course, mendelevium. Yes, that’s right — the amazing powers of mendelevium can be yours! In addition, each bar contains the maximum amount of essential amino acids allowable by Canadian law for livestock consumption, and we’ve thrown in the nonessential amino acids — free of charge! So, if you’re tired of getting sand kicked in your face by other orthopods, maybe it’s time you asked Santa for the Super-Duper-PowerWunder Bar™! Now only $7.99/bar. (WARNING: The Super-Duper-Power-Wunder Bar™ is neither a synthetic nor herbal product and has not been approved by Health Canada or any official drug regulatory board. Please do not ingest this product around pregnant women, open flames or in direct sunlight. If any of this product should be inhaled or come in contact with your eyes, call an ambulance or consult a physician immediately without delay. This product is not safe for children under 10, lactating women or men, or anyone with Type III Adenylosuccinate Lyase Deficiency).
AFTER Super-Duper-PowerWunder Bar™ Dr. Gerard goes from zero to hero after investing in a box of Super-DuperPower-Wunder Bars™.
December 5, 2006
© 2006 CMA Media Inc. or its licensors
your favourite specialist
C Calcirific Display Kit™
Being a nephrologist or urologist you’ve undoubtedly removed your fair share of renal stones, and you’ve probably lamented the fact that you have nowhere to display these priceless treasures. Until now! With the Calcirific Display Kit™ by MDs ‘R’ Us®, you’ll be able to preserve even the most painful stones for posterity. We guarantee all your colleagues will be talking about it.* Yes, whether they’re calcium, uric acid, struvite or even rare cystine stones, our fashionable and durable display case and wall mountings will make a fine addition to any office, barn or trophy room. Each wall mounting is carved from the finest and most exotic wood imported from the vanishing rain forests of Brazil. But they can be yours for the low, low price of $89.99! We’re now offering a new holiday finish, Mistletoe Mahogany! *MDs ‘R’ Us will not be held liable if the comments of your colleagues are not positive.
Pretty sweet, eh? Whoa!
Hey Jim, can you lower the table?...Uh Jim?... Jim, are you listening?...Jim?
Dr. Hickey shows off his latest acquisition using the Calcirific Display Kit™ to an impressed colleague.
D Sandman’s Recliner™
Anesthesia is a critical component of any operation. But once the case has started and the patient is asleep, the anesthesiologist may find him or herself with little to do. That’s why MDs ‘R’ Us® developed the Sandman’s Recliner™. This plush, comfortable, 100% polyester recliner comes with a built-in fridge to store refreshments, magazine rack and snack storage compartment. Because sitting around all day can be tiring work. Each unit comes with a copy of “1000 Word Puzzles and Jumbles for Anesthesiologists,” the perfect way to pass the time! Yours for only $999.99 and installation is free.
Dr. MacDonald chills out in the Sandman’s Recliner™ during a difficult OR case.
Hey, did you finish those post-op orders?
Photographs: Sandeep K. Aggarwal, Vinai Bhagirath and Susanne Chan
E Monkey Assistant™
General surgeons are a lonely breed. They often have difficulty finding assistants who are helpful, but obedient enough not to get on their perpetually frazzled nerves. Well, search no more with the new Monkey Assistant™ for surgeons. This lovable, furry companion is partially housebroken and comes highly trained in most surgical procedures, especially those involving lasers and robots. The Monkey Assistant™ can even write post-op orders and dictate operative notes.† So order yours now and we’ll throw in a year’s supply of monkey food, free of charge! Only $799. †MDs ‘R’ Us will not be held liable for errors or omissions in operative notes, orders or dictations by the Monkey Assistant™ resulting in patient death or dismemberment.
Dr. James commands Giggles the Monkey Assistant™.
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December 5, 2006