Are you in an Abusive Relationship

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					Are you in an Abusive Relationship? If you answer yes to any of the questions below, you could be in an abusive relationship, or your relationship could become abusive. 1. Do you feel nervous around your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner? Yes No

2. Do you have to be careful to control your behaviour to avoid their anger Yes No

3. Do you feel pressured by them when it comes to sex? Yes No

4. Are you scared of disagreeing with them? Yes No

5. Do they criticise you, or humiliate you in front of other people? Yes No

6. Are they always checking up or questioning you about what you do without them?

Yes

No

7. Do they repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people? Yes No

8. Do they tell you that if you changed they wouldn't abuse you? Yes No

9. Have you stopped seeing your friends or family because of your partner's behavior? Yes No

10. Do they make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate? Yes No

11. Have they ever scared you with violence or threatening behaviour? Yes No

12. Do you often do things to please them, rather than to please yourself? Yes No

13. Does your partner say that if you try to leave him, you will never see your children again? Yes No

14. Do you feel that, with them, nothing you do is ever good enough? Yes No

15. Do they prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do? Yes No

16. Does your partner say that if you try to leave, he will kill himself or you? Yes No

17. Do they make excuses for their behaviour, for example, by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs, or because they can't control their temper, or that they were 'just joking'?

Yes

No

18. Do you lie to your family, friends and doctor about your bruises, cuts and scratches? Yes No

19. Does he/she restrict your communications with others; check your cell phone or control your use of the phone, mail or e-mail.? Yes No

20. Does he/she has a Jeykll-and-Hyde personality, often showing a charming side to others? Yes No

21. Does he/she insult your intelligence, your body or your looks? Yes No

22. Does he/she loses their temper easily over small things; their anger seems frightening or out of proportion? Yes No

You might have answered 'yes' to some of these questions, but still think 'it's not that bad'. But feeling scared, humiliated, pressured or controlled is not the way you should feel in a relationship. You should feel loved, respected, and free to be yourself. Your feelings and safety are important. People who are abusive will often make you feel like you are to blame for their behaviour. You might think that if you try and change to be more like what they

want you to be, then the abuse will stop. But in a relationship, you should be able to feel ok just being yourself and doing what you want to do. What about what you want for yourself? If you are in an abusive relationship, it is likely to get worse over time. But you can't make your boyfriend or girlfriend change their behaviour. They are the one who has to change their attitude and accept responsibility for abusing you, and not make excuses for their behaviour. If this does not happen and you want the violence to stop, then unfortunately, leaving them might be your only choice. It's not your fault if you are being abused. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Adapted from: http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/checklist.htm http://www.ccsu.edu/WomenCtr/Services/quiz.htm http://psychcentral.com/library/domestic_quiz.htm


				
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