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					Hairspray http://web.archive.org/web/20031231174302/libretto.musicals.ru/text.php?textid=530 &language=1 Opening with ‘Nicest Kids in town Tracy: (still dancing) Penny! I can’t wait till I can be on the Corny Collins show! It’s so groovy. Penny: Holy Moly Tracy, how many times? Only the ‘cool’ kids are allowed on the Corny Collins show, not, well, I mean, you’re totally hip in your own way but . . . Tracy: erm . . . thanks Penny? Anyway I’ve seen an advert for auditions! Lou – Ann, y’know, the one with the ‘do? She’s announced she can’t be on the show, taking 9 months leave or something. Penny: Huh, I wonder why? Both Shrug moments silence Tracy: Soooo . . I’m totally gonna audition! I mean, I can dance so much better than Amber. Cant I? Penny nods head after a pause. Annnnnd link might even look at me!!!! Both squeal I can see it now, Pen. I’ll wake up and the whole of Baltimore will just wait until 4o clock when they see me. I’ll practice everyday. I’ll be the coolest girl in school. So hip and. . . (oh oh oh) Good morning Baltimore Penny: C’mon Tracy, we’re gonna be late for class. School bell rings. Edna comes on stage Edna: Tracy. Tracy? TRACY! Where is that girl? Penny’s mum comes onstage Penny’s mum: Edna, I’m here for my usual ironing. Edna: that will be 3 dollars. Penny’s mum: That’s pretty pricy for a pair of petty pants Edna: Well I’m sorry prudy but some of your stains need pounding with a rock. Anyway any idea where Tracy’s gone? Penny’s mum: No idea Edna. You know, you’ve got the devil child there. I saw her the other day, with her hair up to here, waving to the local flasher, cavorting around. I tell you, your gonna have to be careful. Edna: I guess. Where’s Penny Penny’s mum: At home reading Edna: hmm, that’s strange, cos isn’t that them trying to sneak out? Tracy and Penny come out from hiding place ( gate at foot of stage) and stand at he front, facing the audience). Tracy: But Moooom, I’m going to audition for the corny Collins show Parents gasp Penny: Hi mom.

Penny’s mum: You, young lady are supposed to be at home reciting! Penny Pingleton, you know you were punished. From now on, you're wearing a giant ""P"" on your blouse...every day to school...so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton...is permanently, positively punished! Come on (pulls Penny away, and whilst turning back shouts) Silence. Tracy and Edna look confused for a moment Edna: Tracy you know I’ve forbidden you to go near that studio, never mind audition to be on the show. I don’t know what’s got into you. First the clothes, then the hair. . . Tracy is mouthing her mother’s words in a mocking way Tracy: Oh, mother, you're so fifties. From behind stage Wilbur: Honey! Have you ironed my underpants again?? Edna: They’re under the chattering teeth Wilbur: Where? Edna: Near the box of frogs Wilbur: Where? Edna: By the . . . oh never mind. Edna leaves while Tracy sneaks off stage, to front and centre Amber, link and friends come onstage Amber: Hey, how’s it going? Wonder what losers are gonna audition. Remember last year? All laugh Amber’s friend: That girl could totally not boogie. I mean, she tripped when she done the mashed potato Amber: Could be because someone pushed her All laugh She was such a ho. . . Link comes forward Ly moly baby. Great dancing today

Link: Thanks doll. Ambers mum enters: Okay everyone, get in line. Miss Baltimore crabs Penny: I think they secretly liked you Link comes on and bumps into Tracy. Link: Sorry lil darling. Hope I didn’t dent your do’. Tracy just stares, while Penny tries to get her to respond Link: Ok, well. I saw you dancing the other day. You’re awesome. If Corny saw you dancing like that he would defiantly put you on the show. Tracy: Well no chance of that now Link: Bad luck chick. Hey, how about you come and boogie down tonight. It’s an open night. Hope to see you there. Link exits. Tracy ‘faints’ onto Penny. Tracy: Invited places by cool people Penny: We are so hip! Both run off. Ladies Choice Penny runs up in the isle Penny: MR AND MRS TUUUUURNBLAAAACK! Wilbur: Who died? Edna: What’s digging? Penny: (Out of breath) Just watch, Just watch Roll call with Tracy at the end Penny, Edna and Wilbur all scream Edna: My little girl!! A regular on the wide screen Wilbur: Are you for real?

Penny: Listen listen!!!! Corny interviews Tracy Corny: So trace, tell us a bit about yourself. Tracy: Well I watch the Corny Collins show, and do absolutely nothing else Corny laughs Corny: And a little bird told me you have a blast of a dream? Tracy: Well, I would love to win Miss Teenage Hairspray! Amber to Corny Amber: But that’s my title Corny laughs it off Corny: And what would you do with the show? Tracy: Ummm . . . I know. . . I’d make everyday Cheesy Day!! Corny: You’re dream could come true very quickly because Miss Teenage Hairspray is in one month only!! Amber: You have to vote for a person, Corny not one of the Himalayas Corny: Ever the charmer Amber. Amber screams slightly and three girls appear behind her The New Girl in Town

INTERVAL
Phone rings Edna: Hello? Mr Pinky? . . . No. . . Seriously?. . . That’s awesome! Phone down TRACY! Guess what? Tracy: What?

Edna: Mr Pinky’s just called from his Hefty Hideaway . . . and he wants YOU! Tracy: Really? Edna: He rang asking for your agent Tracy: Well, why don’t you be my agent? I mean, whose gonna look out for me better than my own mom? Edna: Oh Tracy I can’t be your agent looking like this! I know, I’ll do it after my next diet. That’s when I’ll do it. Tracy: Oh come on! Times are changing out there! People who are different/ It’s their time I mean look at me! Mama Welcome to the Sixties Everyone exits Curtains close. Then open with Tracy still running Link: Hey Tracy, you were so cool at the showdown the other day. Tracy: Really??? Link: Yeah. Tracy: sighs and melts Amber enters Amber: Hey cutie. Have you taken up mountain climbing? Cos there’s a pretty big one next to you Tracy exits Link: At least that mountain is not as big as the one you’ve got to climb to be a better dancer! Amber: But baby. . . Link: NO Amber tosses her hair and sulks off. Others follow The 3 dynamites appear Dynamite 1: mmmn oh no she didn’t. . . Dynamite 2: Oh yes she did

Dynamite 1: oh no she didn’t. . . Dynamite 2: Oh yes she did Dynamite 1: oh no she didn’t. . . Dynamite 2: Oh yes she did Dynamite 3: Girls!.......sssssh Dynamite 1&2: My bad Dynamite 3: Anyway, I just cannot believe what Link just said back there Dynamite 2: mmhnn I hear ya girl Dynamite 1: I mean there like the perfect couple Dynamite 2: I know that’s right Dynamite 3; I thought t hey were in love Dynamite 1: What’s love gotta do with it?

Without Love Tracy stays onstage Amber enters with friends Amber: You may have stolen Link, but you’ll never steal my title. Amber turns to the audience Miss. Teenage. Hairspray. !958, 1959, 1960 and 1961 Tracy: We’ll just see about that Amber. See you at the show. (It’s) Hairspray Corny: And now, it’s my obligation Amber playfully hits him time to announce the winner of Miss Teenage Hairspray of 1962. . . . Silence It’s so close

But Miss Teenage Hairspray is . . . . Amber VonTussle Tracy: Is about to be out danced You Can’t Stop the Beat Finale


				
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