FEBRUARY 2005 ASSE North East Iowa Chapter NEWSLETTER American Society of Safety Engineers Protecting people, property and the environment since 1911 FEEL FREE TO FORWARD THE NEWSLETTER ON TO OTHERS IN YOUR ORGANIZATION This Newsletter brought to you in part by… FRIENDS OF THE CHAPTER: February Chapter Meeting When: Time: Where: Friday, February 11, 2004 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. Bertch Cabinets 4442 Texas Street Waterloo, IA Machine Safety and Guarding; followed by a tour Topic: Speaker: Gary Brandau, Safety Director Bertch Cabinet Lunch: Wraps from HyVee PLEASE RSVP TO GARY AT: Gary.Brandau@bertch.com The bath plant is located at 4442 Texas Street. There are 5 Bertch buildings on Texas St. If you were to count the buildings in order as you see them coming from the direction of San Marnan Dr. the Bath Division will be the second one after the building with all of the trailers. There is also a sign that reads "Bath" as you pull into the parking lot. The Finish Mill will be to the left. Go into the front door of the Bath division and up the stairs, at the top of the stairs take a left into the conference room. Board Meeting following the tour. Door Prize Contributors: THANK YOU TO: Dave Lamont of Magid Glove for providing 6 door prizes at the January Meeting. SHOULD YOU OR YOUR COMPANY HAVE AN ITEM TO CONTRIBUTE FOR THE DOOR PRIZE(s), JUST BRING THE ITEM(s) TO THE CHAPTER MEETING AND GIVE THE ITEM(s) TO ONE OF THE CHAPTER OFFICERS. YOUR SUPPORT IS APPRECIATED. JOIN ASSE ON-LINE by visiting: www.asse.org N.E. IOWA CHAPTER 2003-04 FISCAL YEAR OFFICERS President: Cindy Houlson University of Northern Iowa Physical Plant Building Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0189 Cynthia.email@example.com Secretary: Wendel Reece University of Northern Iowa Physical Plant Building Cedar Falls, IA 50614-0189 Wendel.firstname.lastname@example.org Jeff Bortscheller Quebecor World 2470 Kerper Blvd. Dubuque, IA 52001-2224 Jeff.email@example.com Vice President: Steve Grimm Advanced Heat Treating 2825 MidPort Blvd. Waterloo, IA 50703 Grimms@ion-nitriding.com Treasurer: Past President: Gary Brandau Bertch Cabinet 4747 Crestwood Drive Waterloo, IA 50704 Gary.firstname.lastname@example.org Committee Chairs Gov’t Affairs: Mike Perry John Deere Engine Works PerryMichaelR@JohnDeere.com Maryls Nelson Occupational Health – Allen Hospital Nelsonmj@his.org Awards/Honors: Gary Brandau Bertch Cabinet Gary.email@example.com Vacant Steve Theisen 20 somethin’ safety service firstname.lastname@example.org Membership: Social Committee: Newsletter Editor: Sorry for the short newsletter (don’t know where the time went) but there’s always time for….. On the Enjoyable Side: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, --- thereby proving that only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Write your answers down. The correct answers are at the end of the newsletter. First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question. Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total? Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter? QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey ArmstrongInside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette BarberThings are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily TomlinA male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie SnowLaugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie KuslanskyMy second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma BombeckOld age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette DavisA man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda HansomeThe phrase "working mother"! is redundant. -Jane SellmanEvery time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer UnlimitedWhatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte WhittonThirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn LeschenI try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer UnlimitedIf you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -CatherineI'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly PartonIf high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne BarrWhen women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.. -Elayne BooslerBehind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon PearsonIn politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret ThatcherI have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria SteinemI am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa GaborNobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt- *********************************************** Answer to first question: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Answer to second question: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not too good at this, are you? Answer to third question: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Maybe you will get the last question right? Answer to fourth question: Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.