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SASM---Whos-in-Perth

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					                                   WHO’S IN PERTH
         By Franklin Dohanyos - A take off on Who’s on First by Abbott and Costello

A Yank gets on a bus in Scotland…

YANK: Hey, nice kilt, mister.

SCOT: Thanks, lad.

YANK: You from Scotland?

SCOT: What was yer first clue?

YANK: I’m part Scottish, ya know.

SCOT: So you’re part Scottish, eh? You ever been here before, lad?

YANK: Nope, my first trip over.

SCOT: I have family and friends all over the place here.

YANK: Oh, yeah? What part?

SCOT: Well, there’s Who in Perth, What in Glasgow and I Don’t Know in Aberdeen.

YANK: Wait a minute. Do you know these people well?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: Then you should know their names.

SCOT: Right, there’s Who in Perth, What in Glasgow and I Don’t Know in Aberdeen.

YANK: Very interesting. So who is in Perth?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: The lad’s name in Perth.

SCOT: Who.

YANK: Right, who is in Perth.

SCOT: Aye, I just told ya tha’.
YANK: I’m getting all confused! Just tell me who is in Perth.
SCOT: Who.

YANK: The fella’s name.

SCOT: Who

YANK: That’s what I’m trying to find out

SCOT: Well, I’m just telling you, lad. Who is in Perth.

YANK: What are ya asking me for – he’s your friend! Don’t you know is name?

SCOT: Who.

YANK: The fella in Perth. WHO IS IN PERTH?

SCOT: Now, ya got it right, lad.

YANK: Okay, forget Perth. Who is in Glasgow?

SCOT: No, he’s in Perth. What is in Glasgow.

YANK: How the heck should I know? I’ve never been there! Just tell me who is in Glasgow.

SCOT: I told ya plenty of times – Who is in Perth. Get it straight, man.

YANK: How can I get it straight when you won’t tell me who is in Glasgow!!

SCOT: Who is in Perth, What is in Glasgow.

YANK: I don’t know who is in Perth.

SCOT: No, he’s in Aberdeen.

YANK: Who is in Aberdeen???

SCOT: I don’t know is in Aberdeen. Who is in Perth.

YANK: Great, here I am in Aberdeen and I don’t even have a train ticket!!! Wooo woooo!

SCOT: Now, don’t get so upset, lad.

YANK: Please mister, just tell me the man’s name in Aberdeen.
SCOT: I don’t know.

YANK: He’s your friend right?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: Your friend has a name, right?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: So tell me the name of your friend in Aberdeen.

SCOT: I don’t know.

YANK: Ya mean you can’t tell the name of your friend who lives in Aberdeen.

SCOT: He doesn’t live in Aberdeen.

YANK: Who?

SCOT: Right. He lives in Perth.

YANK: Now stop that!!!!!

SCOT: Easy lad! Easy!

YANK: You say you got a lot of relatives still living in Scotland?

SCOT: Plenty, including one very auld uncle – he’s 95 bless his soul. He lives in Skye.

YANK: The name of your uncle?

SCOT: Where.

YANK: In Skye.

SCOT: Yes, my uncle lives in Skye.

YANK: Where?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: You’re uncle is Where?

SCOT: Aye.
YANK: CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE ME A SIMPLE ANSWER???

SCOT: Calm down, lad. Calm down. I’ve answered all yer questions.

YANK: You’re right. I’m getting all upset over nothing. Let’s see if I have this straight. I buy
a train ticket. I visit who in Perth, see what in Glasgow, stop off in Aberdeen for I Don’t Know
and end up Where.

SCOT: Now, that’s the first thing you’ve said this whole time that makes any sense!

YANK: I don’t know what I’m talking about.

SCOT: He’s in Glasgow.

YANK: Who is in Glasgow?

SCOT: No, Who is in Perth.

YANK: I don’t know.

SCOT: No, he’s in…

YANK: If you say Aberdeen I’ll break your arm!!!

SCOT: Ya don’t have to get rude, lad.

YANK: Any of your friends football fans?

SCOT: Of Course! Who plays midfielder with the Rangers.

YANK: Who does?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: With the Rangers?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: So at the end the month, when he gets paid, who gets it?

SCOT: Absolutely!

YANK: Who does?
SCOT: Why sure. Every pound. The man’s entitled to it!

YANK: Who is?

SCOT: Yes.

YANK: So who gets it?

SCOT: Sure he does. Well, sometimes his wife goes and picks it up.

YANK: Who’s wife?

SCOT: Yes.

YANK: Look, all I want to know is what’s the man’s name that plays for the Rangers?

SCOT: What doesn’t play for the Rangers, Who does!

YANK: How the hell should I know?

SCOT: Ya don’t gotta be rude, man!

YANK: Look… let’s say I play on the Rangers, too.

SCOT: Okay.

YANK: I get the ball and I have to pass it to someone, right?

SCOT: Aye.

YANK: Since I know that the midfielder scores a lot of goals, I pass it to Who.

SCOT: Naturally.

YANK: Naturally.

SCOT: Naturally.

YANK: So I pass the ball to Naturally.

SCOT: You do nothing of the kind, you pass the ball to Who.

YANK: Naturally.

SCOT: Naturally.
YANK: That’s what I said, I pass the ball to naturally.

SCOT: But you don’t!

YANK: I pass the ball to who?

SCOT: Naturally

YANK: What’s the fella’s name that has the ball?

SCOT: No, What’s in Glasgow.

YANK: AAYYEEE!!! Knock, Knock? Who’s there, what’s the difference, because I don’t
know, I’m just trying to find out why!

SCOT: Why?

YANK: Yeah, WHY???

SCOT: Oh, he’s in Elgin!!!

The Yank passed out!!!

				
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posted:11/30/2009
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