SpringSummer 2007 (DOC)

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Spring/Summer 2007

Hash Number: Date & Time: Start Location: Hare(s): Hounds: Weather: Terrain: Other Notes:

597 6.00pm Wednesday 26th September 2007 The Crown, Twyford Brian Kirkland (Capt Jack) Mel Adair (Red Mel) Paul Metcalfe (Shadder) Jill Wootton (Bullfrog) Shelley (Chien Lunatique) Cloudy with a very chilly breeze. Almost all along well cleared public footpaths in open countryside and fields. We arrived in Twyford early and checked out the pub car park. It was very minuscule so we hastily turned round and parked on the road opposite. After a few moments, we were joined by Snowman and SNOB. Chien Lunatique greeted them and then spotted Azzanife in the distance. A quick pull on her lead and she was instantly greeting him with Shadder in tow. After a few more moments, Capt Jack and Red Mel arrived. The landlady of the pub came across and informed us that her dog was still a ‘full man’ and she didn’t allow other dogs in the pub as it made him overexcited and he wet the floor. Chien Lunatique doesn’t like small dogs and was glad she wasn’t allowed in the pub as he was called Jack Russell. As it was a cold evening, the Hare gave a potted history of Twyford, told the pack of what wild life could be spotted and what fruit might be available to test, and the pack then started checking. The On was soon called in the direction of The Lodge. Shadder had printed a map following last week’s fiasco, and we set of in the direction of the Church. Our trail started on a normal everyday pavement, which soon disappeared and we had to walk in the road. There was a horse chestnut tree in a


garden with lots of conkers round its base and in the road. Bullfrog picked some up and Chien Lunatique asked what they were. Bullfrog explained that they were the fruit of the horse chestnut tree and were called conkers. She then explained how you bake them in the oven to get them hard, drill a hole in and play a game. Chien Lunatique said that she thought you baked things to eat them but asked if she could have a game anyway when they were baked. Bullfrog had to explain that holding them with paws would be a trifle difficult. We continued on past the primary school and came upon St Mary’s church. Shadder opened the gate and Chien Lunatique was first through, followed by Shadder and Bullfrog. Chien Lunatique said that she likes church yards as they are usually pretty and peaceful. The church seemed to be very old and a lot of the grave stones were covered with ivy. We walked down the path, round the left side of the church and came out of a gate back into the road. We were at the end of the village and had to turn back. Retracing our steps up to the last junction, we then turned right and walked through a newish housing estate (a very small one with few houses) to the playing field. Again Shadder opened the gate and Chien Lunatique was first through. We crossed the field admiring the well kept grass, cricket wicket, football goals and some neat netting at the back to stop stray balls from going into the countryside. There were no questions from Chien Lunatique as she had a variety of balls to play with at home and the rigours of the sports associated with them had already been explained to her. At the other side of the field was a stile. This stile was a two-step affair, making it easier for folks with short legs to climb. The stile led straight onto a thin bridge across a stream. It was not suitable for a game of Pooh Sticks as there were plants growing in the water, so we continued into the field. Chien Lunatique was a little disappointed as she fancied a go at Pooh Sticks.


This field was very rough clumps of grass with loads of cow pats – some fairly recent – but there were no signs of any cows being present. Chien Lunatique was very careful where she put her paws! Shadder suddenly spotted the old railway bridge. It appeared to be part of a footpath so we went up it to see what was at the top. To our surprise, the old railway line was being used by the farmer to keep his pigs. They all had little piggy houses and we could see them right down the track area. These were no common or garden porkers as they seemed to be a brownish colour and had longer snouts. On turning away from the top of the bridge, Bullfrog said that they were ‘interesting sheep’. Chien Lunatique thought for a moment that she had missed the chance of seeing sheep but realised from the hoots of laughter that Bullfrog had called the pigs sheep by mistake and joined in the jollity. Descending from the bridge, we followed the footpath across the field, through a soggy bit at the bottom where we were walking on the pipes, and into the field beyond. Having seen a woman emerge from the row of houses, we thought that there must be a way out, so we crossed the field. Unfortunately, there used to be a way out but it was no longer present. We walked round the field to see if it had been moved and came across a blocked opening. This is where it had obviously been moved to, but with a couple of huge tree trunks across it, there was no way that the footpath could continue in that direction. This meant a trudge back the way we had come. By this time, it was getting very chilly and Bullfrog’s little legs were beginning to ache. We were all glad to see the pub. When we reached The Crown, Shadder thought he saw a head in the window. We walked past the pub to see if we could see anybody and then back towards Pierre. Capt Jack emerged from the pub. We had only been walking for about 45 minutes,


but the others had arrived back before us. We exchanged stories on where we had been and then made our way back to Pierre and home as it was too cold to sit outside for a refreshing lemonade. On On Bullfrog

Hash humour
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." "Anything, anything," said the ambassador. "First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation. "Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France." The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!" The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis." A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"