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Why Domestic Violence Victims Dont Leave

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					Why Domestic Violence
 Victims Don't Leave
 People whose lives have never been
  touched by domestic violence or abuse
  often wonder why women stay so long in
  abusive relationships. Although the
  question may be an honest one, it should
  never be asked in a way that implies any
  blame on abused women for the situations
  they endure.
That being said, there are complex
 reasons why women stay in violent or
 abusive relationships. Life coach and
 author Robert Moment gives the Top Ten
 Reasons why domestic violence victims
 don't leave abusive relationships.
Here are the most common ones:
1. Fear of escalated violence

Anyone who has escaped an abusive
  situation will tell you this: The most
  dangerous time for a battered or abused
  woman is the time after she leaves the
  perpetrator. This is the time when the
  abuser becomes a stalker willing to do
  almost anything to regain control of the
  victim.

 Statistics bear this out. The women who
  sustain the most serious physical injuries
  are those who have recently left, or
  attempted to leave their abusers. And
  among women who are killed by a
  domestic partner, 75 percent of those had
  recently separated or tried to separate
  from that partner.
 No one makes a willing choice to be
  beaten down mentally, emotionally or
  physically. But if the choice is between
  bruised ribs and dying, sometimes staying
  put can seem to make sense.
2. Lack of a solid support system

Given the dangers of leaving an abuser,
  women need a strong support system in
  place to help them before, during, and
  after they make a break with their
  partners. And that's exactly what an
  abuser eliminates from his victim's life,
  by isolating her and weakening her ties
  with family and friends.
3. Lack of financial support

Typically an abuser will control the
  household finances. Joint bank accounts
  and strict budgets can make it nearly
  impossible for a woman to access enough
  money to leave without ending up on the
  street with no way to get safe housing
  for herself and her children.

4. Legal issues, especially child
  custody

Even an amicable divorce has tense
  moments. But the prospect of long ugly
  battles over property, finances and
  especially children can keep an abused
  woman from making the decision to
  leave.
She knows her perpetrator will stop at
 nothing to keep control, including hiring
 expensive lawyers and allowing them to
 drag out the legal process. And when the
 victim has little to offer children in the
 way of appropriate housing and financial
 support, there's a danger that full
 custody may be awarded to her abuser.
5. Limited work experience

It's common for abusers to keep their
  victims at home as stay-at-home moms,
  or to allow them only a part-time job
  outside the home. With only limited
  experience in the workplace, a woman
  may feel overwhelmed by the process of
  finding a job that will support her and her
  children -- especially in an economy
  where good jobs are hard to come by.
6. Pressure from family or
  community

Some families still hold to the traditional
  view of marriage -- that it's forever, no
  matter what. And if the abuser has built
  strong ties with family members, the
  victim may be receiving an incredible
  amount of pressure to "work things out."
  This kind of pressure can create intense
  feelings of guilt in the abused woman
  and keep her from seeking real solutions.
7. Fear of being alone

A victim of domestic abuse may very well
  be suffering severe psychological injury.
  Her abuser has spent a long time
  convincing her that she's helpless and
  unlovable, and she may believe herself
  incapable of surviving on her own. She
  may feel so damaged that she thinks no
  one will ever love her, or that she can
  never trust anyone again.
Psychologists point to a phenomenon
 called "traumatic bonding" to explain this
 fear of being alone. Abused women, like
 prisoners of war or hostages, lose their
 identity to their abusers and see them as
 the source not only of pain, but also of
 affection and as the ones who supply the
 basic needs of everyday life.
8. Guilt and shame

A perpetrator will repeatedly list the
  reasons why their victim is to blame for
  the abuse. Hearing how she provoked his
  violence over and over again, a woman
  may begin to believe that she is at fault.
  She may try desperately to change her
  behaviors to please her abuser, hoping
  that her relationship with the abuser will
  improve "if only" she can learn to please
  him.
9. Pets

Some men will threaten the life of a pet
  to keep a woman from leaving him. Many
  apartments or women's shelters don't
  allow pets, so a woman may choose to
  stay to protect a beloved companion.
10. Hope

Remember that women enter into
  domestic partnerships out of love. There
  may be weeks or months when there is
  no abuse, and the relationship feels
  strong and healthy. When the woman is
  victimized again, the abuser may
  apologize and make promises to change
  -- and many women will believe these
  promises in the hope that the abuse will
  never happen again.
Your life matters. There is nothing wrong
 with leaving an abusive relationship even
 if there are many barriers that prevent
 you from doing so. You should always
 think of your own welfare rather than
 being overpowered by your fears and
 anxiety. Yes, it is very hard. It is painful
 and sorrowful. It would take a lot of
 sacrifices.
But what will you choose? Staying in or
 leaving an abusive relationship can be a
 matter of life or death. Either you
 continue enduring the suffering and
 humiliation for whatever reason or you
 finally be free of it all and live a life
 wherein you achieve your dreams and
 make sure your dignity stays intact.
Robert Moment is a life coach, speaker
 and author of several life-transforming
 books, Domestic Abuse and Domestic
 Violence Help for Abused Women
 and Domestic Violence Survivors,
 Verbal Abuse: How Women Can
 Successfully Recognize, Respond to
 and Overcome Verbally Abusive
 Relationships and Abusive People,
 and How Do You Find Happiness .
Robert specializes in maximizing human
 potential for happiness , purpose and
 success. Visit
 http://www.DomesticAbuseandDomestic
 Violence.com and sign-up for the FREE
 Life-Transforming e-courses on
 Overcoming Domestic Abuse and Verbal
 Abuse
More info about Domestic Violence
 Victims .

				
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posted:7/3/2014
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Description: People whose lives have never been touched by domestic violence or abuse often wonder why women stay so long in abusive relationships. Although the question may be an honest one, it should never be asked in a way that implies any blame on abused women for the situations they endure.