Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering - Cannexus

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					HOPE-FILLED ENGAGEMENT
THROUGH MATTERING
GRAY POEHNELL

Cannexus, January 23, 2012
graypoehnell@mac.com
                       1
                       HOPE-FILLED

                       ENGAGEMENT



@2012, Gray Poehnell       Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   2
                “CAREER STUFF”

                CAN SEEM HOPELESS



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                                                                   CAREER




                 LIFE

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                       AN ALTERNATIVE
                       APPROACH




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   5
                                                                        HOPE




@2012, Gray Communications
@2011, ErgonPoehnell         Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering          6
                       HOPE-FILLED
                       ENVIRONMENT




@2012, Gray Poehnell      Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   7
            sive            o listic              sili ency                     HOPE
inclu                      h                  re
                               pos itive
 ala nced
b
                   ring                                                           ging
          m   atte                                                           enga
                                                  rea listic                          gin ative
       ppo rtive                                                                  ima
su                                                                     e
                                                                  itud
                                             tual             grat oy                      trus
                                                                                               t
                                       spiri                     &j

                                                                               flex ible
                                                  sim ple
                                                                                     cre ative


    @2012, Gray Poehnell          Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering                         8
                       2
                       WHAT IS

                       MATTERIN
                       G


@2012, Gray Poehnell    Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   9
     beliefs people have,
     whether right or wrong,
     that they matter to someone else,
     that they are the object
     of someone else’s attention,
     and that others care about them
     and appreciate them.

     MATTERING, Amundson, Active Engagement



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                        3
                        MATTERING

                        MATTER
                        S


@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   11
                    MATTERING
                       HOPE
                WILLINGNESS TO TRY

@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   12
     “what difference does it make?”
     “so what?”
     “who cares?”
     “that’s just the way it is”
     “what’s the use?”
     “what’s the point of trying?”
     “why bother?”
     “I can’t make a difference”

     I DON’T MATTER - THERE IS NO HOPE - SO
     WHY TRY

@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   13
                         MATTER
                            substance
                               tangible

                                VISIBLITY




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   14
                       MATTERING
                            substance
                               tangible

                              VISIBLITY &
                           RECOGNITION




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   15
                       MATTERING
                            substance
                               tangible

                              VISIBLITY &                          MAKING A
     VALUE
                           RECOGNITION                            DIFFERENCE
  importance
 significance
     meaning

@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering            16
                        INVISIBLE
                        PEOPLE




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   17
                       Liu Bolin: the Vanishing Artist




@2012, Gray Poehnell       Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   18
                       INVISIBLE
                       TO THEMSELVES




@2012, Gray Poehnell        Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   19
                       LEARNED
                       HELPLESSNESS
                       /HOPELESSNESS



@2012, Gray Poehnell      Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   20
     the giving-up reaction,
     the quitting response
     that follows from the belief
     that whatever you do doesn’t matter.

     LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
     Seligman, Learned Optimism




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   21
                       Life Experiences

                           Negative
                       Explanatory Style

                           Nothing I do
                             matters

                         Nothing I do
                       will ever matter

                                Why try?
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   22
                       INVISIBLE
                       TO OTHERS




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   23
                                   CHICAGO
                       Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos
                                            

                           If someone stood up in a crowd
                         And raised his voice up way out loud
                         And waved his arm and shook his leg
                                   You'd notice him
                            
If someone in the movie show
                            Yelled "Fire in the second row
                          This whole place is a powder keg!”
                                     You'd notice him




@2012, Gray Poehnell            Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   24
                                   CHICAGO
                       Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos
                                       

                And even without clucking like a hen
Everyone
                         gets noticed, now and then,
                 Unless, of course, that personage should be
                        Invisible, inconsequential me!
                        
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
                            Shoulda been my name
                 Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right
                                  through me
                               Walk right by me
                           And never know I'm there….




@2012, Gray Poehnell           Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   25
                                CHICAGO
                  Mr. Cellophane Lyrics sung by Amos
… 
                  A human being's made of more than air
              With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there
                     Unless that human bein' next to you
                       Is unimpressive, undistinguished
                              You know who...

                                  Cellophane
                              Mister Cellophane
                 Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
                    'Cause you can look right through me
                               Walk right by me
                          And never know I'm there…




@2012, Gray Poehnell       Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   26
                       SOME SYSTEMIC
                       CHALLENGES




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   27
                                                                                goals




                                                                                            education
                                                                   work exp
                                                                              CAREER

                                                                              skills, etc




                 LIFE

@2012, Gray Poehnell    Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering                                28
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   29
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   30
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   31
                       WE SEE
                       WHAT MOST DON’T




@2012, Gray Poehnell            Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   32
                                                                                   goals




                                                                                               education
                                                                      work exp
                                                                                 CAREER

                                                                                 skills, etc




                 LIFE
                          Engage people where
                        they are engaged in life!!
@2012, Gray Poehnell       Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering                                33
                                                                            goals




                                                                                        education
                                                               work exp
                                                                          CAREER

                                                                          skills, etc




                  LIFE
                                Engage people where
                              they are engaged in life!!
@2011, Ergon Communications           Hope-Filled Engagement                               34
             WE HELP PEOPLE TO SEE
             WHAT THEY CAN’T SEE




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   35
                       I HAVE VALUE!
                  WHAT I DO
              MAKES A DIFFERENCE!


@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   36
                       4
                       INSIGHTFUL

                       CROSS-TRAINING



@2012, Gray Poehnell        Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   37
                   BUTTERFLY EFFECT




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   38
     every decision we make
     and everything we do
     no matter how small
     has a profound effect
     on the world around us

     BUTTERFLY EFFECT




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   39
     Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions

     BUTTERFLY EFFECT



@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   40
     even small and seemingly
     insignificant changes
     at the start of a process
     can produce significantly different results

     BUTTERFLY EFFECT




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   41
@2010, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement   42
                          SMALL CHANGE
                       BIG DIFFERENCE




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   43
                  WHAT SMALL CHANGES
                  COULD YOU MAKE?




@2012, Gray Poehnell    Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   44
    LEARNED OPTIMISM:
    HOW TO CHANGE
    YOUR MIND AND YOUR LIFE
    Martin E. Seligman




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   45
                       LEARNED
                       HELPLESSNESS




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   46
     the giving-up reaction,
     the quitting response
     that follows from the belief
     that whatever you do doesn’t matter.

     LEARNED HELPLESSNESS
     Seligman, Learned Optimism




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   47
                       EXPLANATORY
                       STYLE




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   48
     the manner in which
     you habitually explain to yourself
     why events happen

     EXPLANATORY STYLE
     Seligman, Learned Optimism




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   49
     Your way of explaining events to yourself
     determines how helpless you can become,
     or how energized,
     when you encounter [life experiences]
     I think of your explanatory style
     as reflecting “the word in your heart.”
     Each of us carries a word in his heart,
     a “no” or a “yes.”

     EXPLANATORY STYLE
     Seligman, Learned Optimism


@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   50
     explanatory style stems directly
     from your view of your place in the world—
     whether you think
     you are valuable and deserving,
     or worthless and hopeless

     EXPLANATORY STYLE
     Seligman, Learned Optimism




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   51
                       THREE DIMENSIONS OF
                       EXPLANATORY
                       STYLE


@2012, Gray Poehnell         Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   52
        pessimistic                                                      optimistic


        Permanent                                                    Temporary
   “always happens”
                           PERMANENCE                                 “this time”



          Universal                                                    Specific
     “whatever I do”
                         PERVASIVENESS                              “this situation”



           Internal                                                   External
      “It’s my fault”
                        PERSONALIZATION                             “other factors”


@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering                      53
                                                         LEARNED
                                                         OPTIMISM

  EXPLANATORY STYLE


                                                    LEARNED
                                                  HELPLESSNESS


@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering     54
                       Life Experiences   LEARNED
                                        HELPLESSNES
                           Negative          S
                       Explanatory Style

                           Nothing I do
                             matters

                         Nothing I do
                       will ever matter

                                Why try?
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   55
                       Life Experiences                           LEARNED
                                                                  OPTIMISM
                            Positive
                       Explanatory Style


                               I matter.


                           I can make
                          a difference.

                                  I’ll try.
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering              56
                       5
                       SOME PRACTIAL THINGS

                       I FIND HELPFUL



@2012, Gray Poehnell        Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   57
     look and listen for the signs
     of helplessness, hopelessness,
     for the signs that people
     don’t think they matter

     OBSERVANT




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   58
     Put myself into the shoes
     of those who don’t think they matter
     or that anything they do matters.
     Explore diversity.

     EMPATHY




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   59
     What are they seeing and hearing
     when meeting me?
     What impact am I having on them?
     More hopeful or more hopeless?

     SELF-AWARE




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   61
     Tone
     First contact
     Connecting
     Active Listening
     Valuing
     Hopeful
     Creative

     ATMOSPHERE AND ENVIRONMENT



@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   62
     Create experiences in which
     people are surprised
     by what they have in their lives
     and by what they can do.

     SURPRISE EXPERIENCES




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   63
  Favourite Things
                                                                    up to 12 things I like to do?
                                                k  ing
                                               o
                                            co   ay
                                                    s                                last time?
                                              3d
                              fts                 $
                                       ay                S/P
                                                                                       cost / free?
                         cra
                                 1d
                                        $                   A
                                             P               PE                         planned/spontaneous?
                                                   A          MS
                      games
                              1 week




                                                                                      alone / others?
                                       S/P


                                                        PE
                                               O
                                        F




                                                              PE
                                                             MS ”             mind, body, emotion, spirit?
                                        A/
                                           O
                                           S/




                                                            O
                        sp



                                              P
                                 tod
                                              F




                                                        S           O
                          irit
                                       ay
                              ua




                                                    F               P
                                lity




                                              to                   $
                                        fam day
                                           i                    1 month
                                        en ly/fri
                                          ds                    movies
@2011, Ergon Communications                                 Hope-Filled Engagement                        64
     Enable people to look
     at themselves and their lives
     from multiple perspectives,
     especially the hopeful ones.

     MULTIPLE PERSPECTIVES




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   65
     What do people need
     to know and to be able to do
     In order for what I am asking
     them to do?
     What do I have to equip them with
     before they can
     do what I ask them to do?

     BACKSWING & EQUIPPING




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   66
     Learned helplessness can be unlearned.
     How can I help people find
     more hopeful explanations
     for the life experiences that
     have taught them that they don’t matter.

     ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS




@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   67
     learning a set of skills
     about how to talk to yourself
     when you suffer a personal defeat.
     from a more encouraging viewpoint.

     LEARNED OPTIMISM & SELF-TALK
     Seligman, Learned Optimism




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   68
                              What is a “skill?”
                SKILL                                      SKILL
         “strength, good at”                         “something you do”


                                                                    LL ED
                     SS                                        FI
                   LE                                       E-
                 PE
                  NO                                   OP
       HO                                            H
                 SKILL

@2011, Ergon Communications       Hope-Filled Engagement                    69
                       TRADITIONAL VIEW OF
                       SUCCESS




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   70
                                 Ability

                                       +
                            Motivation

                                      ⇓
                               SUCCESS



@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   71
                       EXPANDED VIEW OF
                       SUCCESS




@2012, Gray Poehnell     Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   72
                                 Ability

                                       +
                            Motivation

                                       +
                             Optimism

                                      ⇓
                               SUCCESS
@2012, Gray Poehnell   Hope-Filled Engagement through Mattering   73
HOPE-FILLED ENGAGEMENT
THROUGH MATTERING
GRAY POEHNELL

Cannexus, January 23, 2012
graypoehnell@mac.com

				
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