Bucketfillers For Life, Inc.- Western U.S. Region
Kelly Nickel, Regional Director
P.O. Box 493575, Redding, CA 96049
On the web
www.bucketfillersforlife.com www.bucketbook.com www.bucketfillers101.com
www.greatkindnesschallenge.org http://casel.org www.kovalik.com
www.soulshoppe.com www.charactercounts.org www.search-institute.org
http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu www.rachelschallenge.org www.coachwooden.com
www.pinterest.com/bucketfilling Youtube: “Free Hugs”Youtube: “Validation”
Nuances of Conflict and Bullying
As we take a closer look at bullying behaviors, we are creating a shared definition of what
bullying is, and what bullying isn’t, so we can all understand the difference between normal
childhood conflict and bullying behavior. Here are some differences between typical conflict
among peers and bullying:
NORMAL PEER CONFLICT BULLYING
Equal power or between friends Imbalance of power; not friends
Happens occasionally Repeated negative actions over time
Accidental or occur during play Purposeful, intentional, not play
No serious threat Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm
Equal emotional reaction Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or
no emotional reaction from bully
Not seeking power or attention Seeking power, control, or material things
Not trying to get something Attempt to gain material things or power
Remorse – will take responsibility No remorse – may blames the target
Makes effort to solve the problem Makes no effort to solve problem
Simple Bucketfilling Pledge
I hereby promise
To do my best
To fill more buckets
And dip much less
The Bucketfiller Song
I always can choose
It is up to just me
To fill or to dip
To be sad or happy
Singing oh wey oh…
Bucket fillers are cool
They are caring and kind
Now go fill a bucket
They are easy to find
Singing oh wey oh…
And so we all know how
To be a bucketfiller NOW!!!!
Singing oh wey oh…
The Fill More Dip Less Song
Words and music by Kelly Nickel and Pete Lundgren
Chords: G - D - C
Well I woke up this morning I was feeling boo hoo!
I felt like sleepin’ in I didn’t want to go to school
But then I remembered how to put on my lid
Decided to be happy I’m so glad that I did
I chose to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)
Then I got to school and I promptly fell down
I skinned up my knee and I was layin’ on the ground
But to my surprise help was quickly on the way
Three students picked me up and asked me if I was okay
They knew to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)
I walked into the classroom saw my best friend looking sad
Looked like she was having the worst day she’s ever had
I put my arm around her told her I would be her friend
My empathy and kindness helped her feelings start to mend
I try to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)
I open doors for others and give lots of high fives
And when I make a dumb mistake I do apologize
I make sure everybody feels included and safe
I tell my friends all of the time I think that they’re great
I like to fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)
So every day each one of us has choices we can make
We choose how we treat others from the moment we’re awake
We know that bucketfillers make the world a better place
And filling buckets puts a smile on everybody’s face
We all can fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less) fill more (dip less)
Building Community in Groups
Dynamics of Groups
Groups are inherently complex. Dynamics of individuals make it easier for members to be a collection of
individuals rather than a functioning group. Dynamics of individuals are potentially more divisive than
uniting. These can include:
►Leadership: Some have it, some develop it, some are followers.
►Motivation: People are part of the group for various reasons.
►Ability: Some are good at social and friendship skills, others not. There are extroverts and introverts.
►Emotional/Spiritual condition: Some have deep hurts and intense scars, some have pretty great lives. Some
are insecure about themselves, others are more secure.
►Energy: Some are clinically hyperactive, some are pathologically lethargic.
Bad News: In a group of individuals, the diverse dynamics of those individuals can be potentially divisive.
Good News: In any group there will be common elements that can be used to draw people together.
Definition of Building Community: Use the common elements of the group members to overcome the diverse
elements by intentionally weaving members’ lives together. This enables group members to feel free to share
and bear each other’s burdens and hold one another accountable.
The Five Steps
Step 1: Bond building
► Breaks down cliques and other barriers that exist
► Helps establish a trust relationship among members
► Allows members to begin to identify themselves as part of the group
Step 2: Opening Up
► Involves sharing NON-threatening areas of group member’s lives
► Allows trust to develop in the group
► Allows members to begin to recognize common elements of the group
Step 3: Affirming
► Allows members to encourage, compliment, and appreciate each other
► Lets members realize that they are cared for by other members
► Reassures members that they are safe to share vulnerable information about themselves
Stage 4: Stretching
► Puts members in new and unfamiliar territory, out of their comfort zones
► Involves trials or difficult situations that members will experience together as a group
► Creates an atmosphere where members feel comfortable to expose their imperfections to the group
Step 5: Deeper Sharing and Goal Setting
► Group members are openly empathetic, supportive, and encouraging
► Individuals rely on the group to help them with problems, solutions, and goals, and hold them accountable
Once the five-step process of building community is completed, members are ready to risk themselves in
sharing with their peers in a non-programmed situation. On their own, or as part of the group, they are willing
and able to take action that will improve the lives of others and make a difference in the world.
Source: Rydberg, D. (1985). Building Community in Youth Groups. Loveland, CO: Group Publishers.
The Bucket filling Interview
(from “How Full is your Bucket” p. 105)
1. By what name do you like to be called?
2. What are the hobbies and interests you like to talk about a lot?
3. What increases your positive emotion or “fills your bucket” the most?
4. From whom do you like to receive recognition and praise?
5. What type of recognition or praise do you like best? (public, private, written, verbal, or other?)
6. What form of recognition motivates you the most? (gift certificates, a title, meaningful note/email, or
7. What is the greatest recognition you have ever received?
WHY I LOVE AND RESPECT YOU, __________________
Questions to Ask Each Other
Complete this sentence: “I can hardly wait to …”
Complete this sentence: “A birthday present that I will always remember is …”
Talk about allowances and whether or not parents should give them to their kids.
How do you feel about school?
If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Are you more of a leader or a follower? Explain.
From whom might you take advice?
Share three things you think you need in order to be happy.
What are some of the rules around your house?
What do you daydream about?
If you could have any pet in the world, what would it be? Why?
Describe your favorite meal.
Give three reasons why someone should have you for a friend.
What sorts of things embarrass you?
What makes you feel safe and secure?
Complete this sentence: “I feel good about myself when …”
Complete this sentence: “If I were in trouble, I could always talk to …”
How important is honesty in a friendship?
Complete this sentence: “When I am teased, I …”
Complete this sentence: “When I can’t sleep, I …”
If you could have any super hero power, what would you pick? Why?
What is one thing that you would change about your school?
What is your favorite food? Why?
You are as happy as you think you are
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the
effort. ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo
If you don't get everything you want, think of the things you don't get that you don't want. ~Oscar Wilde
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street I met a man who had no feet. ~ Persian Saying
If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. ~Cavett Robert
It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to. ~Annie Gottlier
Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown
I don't like that man. I must get to know him better. ~Abraham Lincoln
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. ~Confucius
When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long. ~Author Unknown
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. ~Robert Brault
Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. ~Betty Smith
We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails. ~Author Unknown
Some people grumble because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses. ~Alphonse Karr
Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves. ~Italian Proverb
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb
Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. ~Emory Austin
Swallow a toad in the morning and you’ll encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day. ~Nicholas
Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. ~Alice Walker
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of
recognizing and appreciating what we do have. - Frederick Keonig
The Optimist Creed
Promise Yourself . . .
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your Optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you
meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to
permit the presence of trouble.
Fun and Effective Practice Ideas for Teachers
Bucket filling is easy and FUN for teachers and students. You can provide daily opportunities for students to
remember and practice bucketfilling. Some ideas are:
1. Fill the bucket of individual students by telling them why they are special to you. Tell the children you
want to “fill their buckets”, then fill the individual bucket of everyone in class. This praise can be
verbal or verbal and written.
2. After the children get to know each other, have each child fill the bucket of every other child in the
room. Give them a sheet of paper with each child’s name and one or two lines to write after each
name. Have them think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates. Compile the
list and give each student his or her list. Names of the bucketfillers are not necessary.
3. Children and adults suffer loss and go through stressful situations (death, illness, divorce, loss of a
pet, moving, etc.). You can help the child with the loss and also practice bucketfilling. Place a smaller
bucket on the desk of the student who needs support and ask the class to uplift this student by filling
his/her bucket with notes of sympathy and compassion. The “support bucket” is a great way to
express compassion to and appreciation for any person.
4. Ask each student to fill at least one bucket a day for the next 30 days and write down what he/she
said or did. Discuss these ideas at the end of the 30 days.
5. On a regular basis, perhaps every Friday, invite the children to tell what bucketfilling deed they were
most proud of that week.
6. Have slips of paper handy so students can regularly report bucketfilling when: (1) They fill a bucket, or
(2) Someone else fills his/her bucket. Ask the students to place these in the classroom bucket, and
then read them together. This could also be done verbally.
7. When the classroom bucket is filled because so much bucketfilling is happening, celebrate as a group
with a pizza party or other fun activity!
It’s Easy to Create a Bucketfilling Family!
LEAD BY EXAMPLE
1. Bucketfillers make the world a better place by saying and doing kind things. When you talk to your child or grandchild, tell
them you want to fill their buckets. Tell them WHY you love and respect them, using the word “because.” Mention the
many little things they do that make you happy. Be sincere. Fill the buckets of your other family members by telling them
why you love them too.
2. Remind your child to fill a bucket as they begin each day. Tell them you will do the same. In the evening, talk about what
you did to fill a bucket. Talk about how good it felt to fill someone’s bucket. Help your child come up with bucketfilling
ideas. At the same time, be sure to reinforce your safety rules i.e. not talking to strangers, etc.
3. As a family, talk about what filled your buckets that day, and what, if anything, dipped from your buckets. You will learn so
much about your children. Teach them to keep a lid on their bucket to overcome the negative effects of bullies or bucket