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Engaging Fathers

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					Engaging Fathers
    BOB BRINKER, M.A.
  PARENT AND COMMUNITY
       EDUCATION
       SPECIALIST
“Childrearing advice has always been dispensed as if
men and women look at parenting through the same lens
– or with the basic assumption that only mothers would
be listening anyway..…. Parenting advice is really a
euphemism for ‘mothering advice.”

                Why Parents Disagree
                   Dr. Ron Taffel
                 Golden Rule

“If we hope to attract, engage, and retain fathers we
  must honor the differences between moms and dads,
  acknowledging these differences as just that,
  differences without implying that one style of
  parenting should be preferred over the other.”
Parenting Styles

               Dad's Style
               Mom’sStyle


          Stronger focus on the
           relationship
           behavior
           Calmer, relaxed form
          Rough and tumble play
          of play
           Big Picture/down the
          road
           Details/here and now
          Teaching about
           life(problem solving
           emotions and empathy
           approach)
   Father Friendly Programming
 Why – critical to program success
 Why – leads to happy, well-adjusted children and
  families
 Why – you will more effectively engage fathers and
  strengthen families and communities
 Why – children are less likely to engage in drugs,
  drop out of school, live in poverty,
  engage in sexual activity.
         Father Friendly Check-Up


            National Fatherhood Initiative
                 www.fatherhood.org

1.   Leadership development
2.   Organizational development
3.   Program development
4.   Community engagement
Keys to Effective Father
     Engagement
“What I hear, I forget. What
I see, I remember. What I do,
         I understand.”
            Confucius
                  Belief System

q Dads matter.
q Dads and moms are different
q Children want and need their fathers.
q Fathers come in different situations and
  circumstances.
q Father’s role is greatly influenced by culture.
q An absent/noninvolved father does not necessarily.
  indicate a lack of love towards his children.
                 Dad’s Matter

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.”
                  George Herbert

              “Like father, like son.”
                  Latin Proverb

    “You have to dig deep to bury your father.”
                  Gypsy Proverb
                Dad’s Matter

“The most important thing a father can do for his
        children is to love their mother.”
              Theodore Hesburg

“Don’t be the man you think you should be. Be the
            father you wished you had.”
                Letty C. Pogrebin
   Fathers
      SINGLE DADS
     MARRIED DADS
DIVORCED/SEPARATED DADS
   INCARCERATED DADS
DEPLOYED/MILITARY DADS
 FOSTER/ADOPTIVE DADS
       STEPDADS
       TEEN DADS
Barriers to Father
  Involvement
 WHAT KEEPS DADS
    AWAY?
        Roadblocks to Father Involvement

   Incarceration         Mothers as gatekeepers
§   Personal problems     Lack of confidence in
§   Finances               parenting skills
§   Distance              Children to other
                           relationships
§   Deployment
                          Culture/societal
§   Emotional pain         expectations
                          Lack of problems
 Fresh Prince
  PAPA’S GOT A
BRAND NEW EXCUSE
    Inadequate Fathering

Absent father
Disengaged/uninvolved father
Abusive father
Critical father
 A Father’s Job
  Description

DEFINING FATHERHOOD
The Good Father
The Bad Father
           Fathers

Provide
Protect
Nurture
Teach
Working with Fathers

   WHAT WORKS?
               Five Principles
1. The ability to parent successfully is a learned set of
   behaviors.
2. Mothers and fathers parent differently using their
   unique gifts that can be referred to as mothering
   and fathering.
3. There all universal aspects of fathering that exist in
   all cultures.
4. Any father, given a chance, can be a great father
   and parent.
5. The facilitator is critical to the program’s success.
Bob’s Guide for Working with
            Dads
    Honor their Knowledge and Strengths

 Life experiences.
 Dealt with adversity (hear their stories).
 Use a strength-based solution-focused model (what’s
  working).
 Help them know that they are important.
 Create a vision (“I have a dream!”).
 Support them in their quest.
 Celebrate their successes.
Make it Fun and
  Interactive
MEN DISCLOSE AND
SHARE MORE WHILE
    DOING!
 It’s More than a
Parenting Program

  REDEFINING
  FATHERHOOD
The Great
 Santini
Help Men Heal
 HEALING THE FATHER
     WOUNDS
SATISFYING OUR FATHER
      HUNGER
Field of Dreams
 “If you build it, he will come!”
“Forgiveness is giving up
your hope for a different
         past.”

 There’s wisdom in the wound.
Sharing Our Wisdom
      Bob Brinker
ParentWISE of FSWP
 211 Huff Ave., Suite 1
Greensburg, PA 15601
724-837-5410 ext. 704
  brinkerb@fswp.org

				
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posted:9/22/2013
language:English
pages:36