My Wife Hates Me!
Or Does She?
by Michael Cross
Does this sound like your wife? She
rolls her eyes almost every time you
say something. She never has sex
with you anymore or demonstrates
any desire to get physical. She cries
a lot or, alternatively, she has
become completely indifferent to you.
If this sounds familiar then you may be thinking, ‘My wife hates me!’ But the truth is that something
else is probably going on, and if you follow some simple steps you should be able to change the way
your wife feels about you.
Where You Went Wrong
Can you pinpoint the time in your marriage where she started getting angry with you? Can you go
back even further and pinpoint when she started to get upset with you all the time? You probably
remember her crying or sulking a lot, which was not like her, and this is the time in your relationship
when it all started.
There was a point when you stopped being the man who she met and started being another guy.
The man she met was strong, masculine, and made her feel like a woman. The man who you
progressed into made her feel like she had to take control of the relationship (hence you probably
got nagged a lot).
When you stopped being the man in the relationship, and you started being the guy who she had to
beg and plead with, you started losing her respect – and that is where you went wrong.
Regardless of the modern outlook on relationships, a man is so supposed to be the provider;
however, the provider is no longer just about earning the money in the relationship. It is about being
a source of courage and direction for her when she needs her man to be there for her. It is about
giving her what she needs to feel loved and protected in the relationship.
You naturally played this role when you were dating, because it is a part of instinctual attraction.
Women instinctively look for a man who will play the provider role in the relationship. This is why
jerks often win over nice guys: The jerks give off the aura of raw masculinity and women are
instinctively attracted to that. (But the jerks never keep the women for the long run because the
women wise up!)
A woman who doesn’t respect you or feel that you are living up to your end of the relationship will
start to pull away from you. She will likely give you clues about her need for you to step up and take
a leadership role, but if you don’t her hurt will turn into anger at the man you have become, and then
is when you will start to feel as if she hates you.
Why You Can Fix Your Marriage
Right now your wife has lost trust in your ability to be the man she needs, so she is projecting her
anger towards you as a defense mechanism so that she doesn’t get let down by you anymore.
Anger is just a cover up for hurt, disappointment, and resentment. Therefore, your wife doesn’t hate
you, she is just sad that you are not the man she wants you to be.
Fortunately, you are capable of changing your behavior! You can become the man she fell in love
with and gain her trust and respect back. When you do this, she will feel closer to you, and since
women need emotional intimacy in order to desire physical intimacy, the sexual attraction will return.
How To Become The Man She Craves
Your wife knows what kind of man she wants, and if you ask her she may be willing to you. But you
have to ask her to be brutally honest with you. You may have to listen to some criticism, and your
ego may get hurt a bit, but if you take what she says to heart (and read between the lines a little),
then you will get a good understanding of what kind of man she wants in the relationship.
However, she may not be willing to express fully what she wants. The lines of ‘man’ and ‘women’
have been blurred, and even though there is still an instinctual desire for you to be a leader in the
house, she may not want to admit it. Therefore, go out and learn how to be the leader in a
Becoming a leader is not just about taking control. It is about focusing on the pleasure and well-
being of your wife. A true leader is fair, kind, gentle, and compassionate. He can offer support and
guidance to his wife without making her feel bad or inferior.
In conclusion, I hope you are not longer thinking ‘my wife hates me’. The truth is that she is just hurt
and longing for a man who will take the leadership role in the marriage and give her the comfort,
support, and relationship dynamic that she needs.