Narrative Essay Self Assessment by yurtgc548


									  Memory Snapshot Essay
     Self Assessment


California State Content Standard: Writing 2.1 Write
biographical or autobiographical narratives or short stories:
Segerstrom ESLR: Reflective Communicators
                  The Revision Process

 What to work on at this point:
   The big picture issues.

   Does my story hold together, or do I need to change major
   Is my intro attention-grabbing?

   Does my conclusion tie it all together?

   Are my characters believable and realistic?

 What to work on later (during editing)
   Finding the exact best words (look for them here, but don’t get
    hung up)
   Revising for sentence variety.
                  Check the Hook

 Highlight the hook (engaging opening).
 Does it compel the reader’s attention?
 Or does it start with any of the following worn
 out phrases?
 ◦   Once upon a time ...
 ◦   When I was ten I experienced …
 ◦   Have you ever witnessed a crime?

 Make a note to return to this for revision.
          Hook Improvements

Spice up your hook (engaging opening)
 An anecdote
 A famous quote
 A startling fact
 A vivid description
 A generalization
                         Some Samples:

 My dog is a lot like me when he is sad. One time he even moped
  around the house for days, just wandering through rooms
  aimlessly. I felt like this when my grandmother died.
 Anecdote - A short story that illustrates a point with a transition into
  your thesis

 A Swedish proverb says, “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is
  half the sorrow.” Experiencing the joy of my first boyfriend and the
  sorrow of our breakup with my best friend, Sarah, by my side was a
  great comfort.
 A famous quote - A famous quote with a transition into your thesis
                      Some Samples:

 In California, the current unemployment rate is 9.5%. That
  may seem small, but when one’s mother and father are part of
  that 9.5%, the statistic can become overwhelming.
 Startling Fact - A startling fact with transition into your thesis

  Changing schools in the middle of the school year can be
  unnerving, but it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself
  and take on new challenges. Seeing the change in a positive way
  was the key to my success when I transferred to Segerstrom
  High School last year.
 Generalization - A generalization about the topic with a
  transition into your thesis
  Background Information and Hint at Significance

 In a Narrative Essay (yes, this is a narrative essay), the thesis should tell
  the topic of the story (narrative) you are writing and the reason you are
  writing the narrative or the overall message you are sending to your
 Examples:
     Caring for my puppy the first month I had him showed me that I was not
      ready for that big of a responsibility.
     Mourning my grandfather’s death with my family brought us closer
      together and gave us opportunities to care for each other in ways we never
      experienced before that point.
 Put [brackets] around the engaging opening and background
 Underline the hint about the significance of the experience.
                 Checking Your Scenes

 Everything that happens should be in a specific place
  and time. Is the order of events clear?
 Number the events in chronological order.
 In the right margin, label the rising action, climax,
  falling action, resolution, external conflict, internal
 Are there any scenes that seem necessary logically
  that are missing?
    Make a note to add them.
 Check your pacing/emphasis. Did you spend too
 much time describing a minor setting? Do you need
 to add detail, gestures, description?
                         Add Dialogue

 When characters talk to each other, it’s always more
  interesting to hear their words rather than a
 Look for places where characters interact, and add at
  least 4 instances of dialogue.
 For example:
     Pedro’s dad told him that his mother had died while giving
      birth to him.
 Revised:
   “Your mother died for you,” Pedro’s dad spat out while staring
    at the window.
                  Add Thoughtshots

 Use italicized font whenever you are revealing
  your inner thoughts and feelings (interior
  monologue) throughout your Memory Snapshot
 Highlight sentences that contain thoughts or
 Add at least 4 examples of thoughtshots.
 For example:
      Coach Carter yelled, “Jose, either get your head in the
 game or go home!”
     “Yes, Coach,” I replied. What a jerk! Doesn’t he know
 how hard I’m trying?
          Add Gestures and Reactions to Create
         a “You are There” Feeling in the Reader

 Gestures are a great way to SHOW rather
    than TELL how characters are feeling:
   Poor: Gustav was embarrassed at her         Telling
   Revised: Hearing her accusation, Gustav
    flushed pink.
   Revised: Upon hearing her accusation,
    Gustav buried his face in his hands.      Gesture
   Revised:
   “You stole my superhero tights. Didn’t you?”
    Megawoman shouted.
   “I, well, no, couldn’t have. You see…” Gustav      Dialogue
    trailed off, staring at the ground.
          Examine Your Conclusion

 Don’t begin with Finally, In conclusion, or Thus.
  These are overused, and out-of-place in a
 Your conclusion (paragraph) should:
      Look  back at the experience from the present time.
      Reflect on what you learned or how you changed as a
       result of this experience.
      Reveal the significance of the experience.
      (Possibly) Revisit your hook
                 Checking for Transitions

 Transitions are words, phrases, or sentences that lead the
  reader from one idea to another.
 For this essay, we will concentrate on transitions in time and
          Time transitional words:
              after, afterward, at last, before, currently, during, earlier,
               immediately, later, meanwhile, now, recently, simultaneously,
               subsequently, then
          Sequence transitional words:
              first, second, third etc,. next, then, finally

 You must use at least 2 transitional words per body
 Box all of your transition words
        Checking for Sentence Variety

 Draw two lines at the end of every
  sentence. // Like this. //
 Are most of your sentences three to four
  lines long? Or are they three to four words
 Is there variety in your sentence
    not, put a note in the margins to “Break into
  If
   multiple sentences” or “Combine sentences.”
                          Image Grammar

 Your Memory Snapshot Essay should incorporate the use of at
  least three examples of Image Grammar
 Painting with participles, painting with absolutes, painting with appositives,
  painting with adjectives shifted out of order, painting with action verbs.
 Draw a wavy line under each example of Image
 Check to make sure commas are used to separate the
  Image Grammar brushstrokes from the rest of the
 Make sure you do not underline or italicize the
            Checking for RIP Words

 Scan your essay for boring, dead words.
 Circle these:
  Different,  really, very, get, amazing, incredible,
   nice, big, little, small, said
 You will need to replace these words.
  different:can be replaced by unique, startling,
   surprising, remarkable, curious
  big: enormous, immense, vast, bulky, massive
  Incorporate the use of ARR Vocabulary words
              Checking Adverbs

 Adverbs are words that modify verbs,
  adjectives, or other adverbs.
 Put a box around all adverbs. (Look for –ly
  words: quickly, happily, sadly)
 Try to replace the adverbs with stronger
  verbs and more powerful adjectives.
 Example:
  Boring:  I walked happily home.
  Better: I skipped home.
            Check Sentence Openings

 Circle any sentence that begins with “There
 Make a note in the margins to rephrase these.
  Often these can simply be cut.
 Example:
 ◦   Weak: There are several people that influenced me
     during high school.
 ◦   Better: Several people influenced me during high
 Scan to see if you have a series of sentences that
 begin with the same words,
      ◦   For example “He,” “She” or “I.”
             Check for Contractions

 Cross out all contractions, for example:
  I’m

  there’s

  we’re

  he’d

 Spell out all of these words
 This helps establish an appropriate tone

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