delusional Films presents SPUNK OF THE LORD by Christian Felcher

DELUSIONAL FILMS presents SPUNK OF THE LORD by Christian Felcher EPISODE ONE: PREACHING TO THE PERVERTED EXT. DESERT HILLS - DAY WIDE, establish a rolling desert landscape, dotted with palm trees, donkeys and small peasant huts. SUPER: "JUDEA - 2000 YEARS AGO." We hear the faint VOICE OF JESUS CHRIST: JESUS Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth... CLOSER On the most prominent hilltop stands JESUS CHRIST. He wears flowing robes, arms outstretched, silhouetted by the SETTING SUN behind him. THRONGS of rapt WORSHIPPERS cover the hillside below him. (Jesus' voice has a slight, portentous, other-worldly ECHO. We'll use this effect whenever he speaks, no matter how banal the line.) JESUS (cont'd) Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be... He trails off, squints at something in the near distance: REVERSE ANGLE Behind the CROWD, standing on an elevated rock outcropping above them, is a BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN. Her name is DESIREE JONES, but she goes by DEZ. She wears a robe like the others, but her hips sway erotically from side to side. JESUS recovers, looking away from Dez. JESUS (cont'd) ...for they shall be filled. the merciful, for they... MUSIC UP, the THUMP OF RAP. CLOSER ON DEZ suddenly throws open her robe, revealing HIGH HEELS, G-STRING and TASSLES. She begins dancing sexily beside a BOOM BOX, SPINNING HER TASSLES in opposite directions. JESUS forces himself to look away. JESUS (cont'd) ...For they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see-DEZ now swings around a STRIPPER'S POLE, legs high in the air. JESUS is utterly distracted now. JESUS (cont'd) God those are great tits-- uh, God-- they shall see God. CLOSE ON DEZ smiling-- she's gotten through to Him. MUSIC FADES OUT and we-DISSOLVE TO: Blessed are JESUS turns again toward DEZ-- LATER. JESUS is surrounded by DISCIPLES, signing autographs on small scrolls and bits of parchment. CHRIST'S AGENT stands behind his shoulder-- a fast-talking shark. CHRIST'S AGENT Not bad, JC. But you forgot to bless the Roman legions like we discussed-Jesus' Mom, the VIRGIN MARY, a heavyset, whiny Jewish mother, interjects: VIRGIN MARY So what are they gonna do, crucify him? You were just great, sweetie. JESUS Thanks, Mom. DEZ appears beside Jesus. A streetwalker's purr: DEZ Hey, hon. Sign these? She throws open her robe (her back is toward us). We see Jesus' eyes go wide. DEZ (cont'd) How 'bout "To Dez, Jesus Loves You..." What's the matter, baby? Don't you like what you see? JESUS stammers-JESUS Uh, uh... MARY is horrified. She grabs Jesus by the arm. VIRGIN MARY I'll thank you to leave my son alone. He's got his career to think about. She pulls Jesus away. His eyes are closed, he prays: JESUS Lead us not into temptation, lead us not into temptation... VIRGIN MARY (sotto) Don't tell me you're hanging around with hookers again. This one's not even Jewish... DEZ (O. S.) Yo, Mama's boy, don't you wanna party? DISSOLVE TO: EXT. DESERT - NIGHT Amidst the HUTS and RUDE DWELLINGS we see a very modern, brightly colored TENT. DEZ (V. O.) Agent Desiree Jones, preparing first time capsule. INT. DESIREE'S TENT - NIGHT DEZ, in sexy lingerie, types into a LAPTOP COMPUTER. There's a DIGITAL CAMERA and a large STEEL SUITCASE nearby. Her internal monologue in VOICE-OVER is professional, analytical now, no trace of street: DEZ (V. O. cont'd) Initial contact made with target Jesus of Nazareth. Traditional methods met with partial success-- have elicited stirrings of prurient interest... DISSOLVE TO: EXT. MESSIAH COMPLEX - DAY An AERIAL VIEW of a large, walled COMPOUND, many buildings and greenery. SUPER: "THE MESSIAH COMPLEX HQ - PRESENT DAY." We hear an ELDERLY MAN'S VOICE as he reads, in a heavy European accent of some kind: OLD MAN (V. O.) Anticipate acquisition within prescribed temporal parameters... we have our boy right where we want him. INT. MESSIAH COMPLEX HQ - DAY IN AN OLD MAN'S HANDS we see Dez's report, ancient and faded like an old scroll. OLD MAN (cont'd) 2200 hours, June fifth, thirty-three AD... REVERSE ANGLE THE OLD MAN reading the report is in SHADOW-- we see only his eyes. He sits in a high-backed high-tech chair. He points to a STEEL TUBE on the table before him. It's crusted with dirt and corrosion, marked: "DO NOT OPEN BEFORE 2000 AD." OLD MAN (cont'd) Our field archeaologists found the time capsule buried five hundred yards northeast of the Dead Sea scrolls, exactly according to plan. ANOTHER ANGLE We see a large gathering of CLERICS of various levels seated at a long CONFERENCE TABLE, with THE OLD MAN at the head. The Old Man's manner should be reminiscent of a James Bond villain. We now see that he cradles a pet IGUANA on his lap. OLD MAN (cont'd) Like many of you, I was extremely disappointed with the arrival of the new millennium. Granted, our expectations were rather high, but... not only were the parties a letdown, where was the apocalyptic battle? The rapture? The day of reckoning?! THE CLERICS nod, MURMUR, exchange glances. A nerdy CLERIC pipes up: CLERIC Well, sir, technically the new millenium doesn't start until 2001... THE OLD MAN thunders now, a fist raised: OLD MAN (cont'd) Don't give me that hair-splitting, pedantic HORSESHIT! It's all arbitrary anyway!! (more quietly) The time has come for us to take action. I have every reason to believe that when Agent Jones returns from her mission, we'll finally be able to deliver on some promises long overdue. We will be in a position to usher in a new age, what we've all been waiting for... at long last, the Second Coming! APPLAUSE and even CHEERS from the group. THE OLD MAN his face still in shadow, puts down the IGUANA-OLD MAN (cont'd) Now, if you'll excuse me...I have a multitude to address. He picks up a tall POPE'S MITRE and places it on his head. ELEVATOR DOORS WHOOSH OPEN behind him, he moves into the elevator and the DOORS SHUT. EXT. ST. PETER'S - DAY The monumental facade of ST. PETER'S IN ROME. The Messiah Complex HQ is in fact VATICAN CITY. An ENORMOUS, BUZZING CROWD is gathered in the square. Suddenly, the POPE APPEARS in the balcony overlooking the crowd, wearing his distinctive hat. He waves, the throng CHEERS and we-FADE TO BLACK. SUPER: "NEXT - GONNA TAKE A MIRACLE" EPISODE TWO: GONNA TAKE A MIRACLE EXT. DESERT - DAY We hear DEZ in V.O. ESTABLISH Dez's desert TENT. DEZ (V.O.) Agent Desiree Jones, second time capsule report. INT. DESIREE'S TENT - DAY DEZ is in her negligee, typing her report. DEZ (V.O.) Suspect initial contact too aggressive. Target, Jesus of Nazareth, clearly harbors strong virgin/whore complex. Continuing surveillance, will try more subtle approach-- perhaps drinks and dinner. Prepared to strike at first opportunity. CLOSE DEZ reaches down to the steel suitcase and punches a CODE into a DIGITAL LOCKING DEVICE. With an eerie HISS, the CASE OPENS, revealing what appears to be---a HIGH-TECH WEAPON. It has a FAT BARREL, like a gun, elaborate tubes twisting around it, pumps and a GLASS CYLINDER mounted on the side. CUT TO: EXT. JESUS kneels, hands before him in prayer. CHRIST'S AGENT paces behind him, concerned. CHRIST'S AGENT You gotta think of the market. These are not sophisticated people-- this turn-the-other-cheek shtick may play for your intellectual Jew types, but if you're gonna make a believer out of Joshua Q. Public-JESUS He who believes in me believes not in me but in him who sent me. DESERT - DAY CHRIST'S AGENT That's what I'm talking about! (leans over Jesus) Look in my eyes, Jesus. See that? They're glazing over! DEZ lurks behind some rocks, a ways from the pair. She has a HEADSET on, hooked to a PARABOLIC MIKE, she squints through a set of HIGH-POWERED BINOCULARS. Her outfit is otherwise appropriate for the period. BINOCULAR MASK JESUS AND CHRIST'S AGENT, FILTERED SPEECH: JESUS (filter) I have come as light into the world, that whosoever believeth in me-CHRIST'S AGENT (filter) I want a miracle! Everyone wants a miracle! JESUS (filter) (a beat, peevish) What about the loaves and fishes? CHRIST'S AGENT (filter) Boring! ANOTHER ANGLE - CHRIST'S AGENT AND JESUS CHRIST'S AGENT (cont'd) I'm tellin' you, Jesus, you're poised, you could be the big one, the real thing. JESUS (interested) Bigger than John the Baptist? CHRIST'S AGENT Stick a fork in him, he's over! But you gotta listen to me. You want their faith, you want a spiritual empire to last ten, twenty, a hundred years maybe? Do something big! JESUS Like what? CHRIST'S AGENT I dunno, you're the messiah! Levitate some broad, make an elephant disappear, raise the goddamn dead! JESUS puts a finger to his chin thoughtfully. JESUS Hmm. WIPE or DISSOLVE TO: EXT. VILLAGE OUTSKIRTS - DAY JESUS and CHRIST'S AGENT confer with a couple of VILLAGERS. We see a town not far off. VILLAGER #1 Sorry, no elephants around here... JESUS Told you. CHRIST'S AGENT All right, uh, lemme see... has anyone croaked recently? VILLAGER #2 Well... there's Lazarus... MUSICAL STING, then-CUT TO: CLOSE ON A GRAVE A mound of fresh dirt. WIDER JESUS stands with a group of IMPATIENT VILLAGERS. Among them is DEZ, in her robes. Jesus has his eyes closed, his hands raised toward the sky. JESUS Come forth, Lazarus, I beseech you! In the name of the father, me and the holy ghost! Nothing happens. A CROWD MURMURS. CLOSER ON JESUS He opens one eye-- nothing. He shuts it fast. JESUS (cont'd) Last chance, Lazarus. Haven't got all day. Rise and shine! Up and at 'em! CHRIST'S AGENT leans over, looking nervous. They speak quietly: CHRIST'S AGENT You're losin' em, Jeez. JESUS opens his eyes, lowers his hands with a sigh. JESUS To hell with him. CHRIST'S AGENT I can see the headlines now: "Jesus Saves Shit." THE DISAPPOINTED CROWD starts moving away. Christ's agent isn't ready to give up. CHRIST'S AGENT (cont'd) Where you goin'? This guy's fantastic, he's the son of God! He turns water into wine-- I'm talkin' free booze! I shit you not! Come on, people! (exasperated, to Jesus) Way to go, Godboy. JESUS I just don't have it today, all right? DEZ approaches Jesus, with a demure demeanor, her street accent toned down. She's a shy little girl now. DEZ It's OK, Jesus. I still like you. JESUS gets nervous around Dez. JESUS Er-- uh-DEZ I'm sorry if I came on kinda strong the other day, it's just, sometimes I get so carried away-- see, I never been with a man before... JESUS' eyes go wide. CHRIST'S AGENT whispers in Jesus' ear: CHRIST'S AGENT Go for it, after this disaster we're gonna need a smokescreen story. "Jesus linked to Nubian mystery woman..." DEZ I was just hoping-- maybe we could have a quiet dinner somewheres. Please, Jesus? JESUS Well... man's gotta eat. JESUS and DEZ move off together, leaving CHRIST'S AGENT alone by the grave. WITH JESUS AND DEZ DEZ I know you're the way and the light and all but-- you ever think about finding new representation? I ain't a bit sure that man has your best interests at heart. Judas? JESUS He's been with me for years. WITH CHRIST'S AGENT (JUDAS). He looks after them, shakes his head. CHRIST'S AGENT There's gotta be a better way to make a living. He looks down disgustedly, kicks the mound of dirt. CHRIST'S AGENT And you're a big help... ya lazy stiff. Another MUSICAL STING, and a withered HAND SHOOTS Carrie-like from the dirt and CLUTCHES JUDAS' ankle. CLOSE ON JUDAS, he has a horrified expression straight out of "Tales from the Crypt." CHRIST'S AGENT (cont'd) JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! CUT TO BLACK SUPER - "NEXT - SUPPERTIME" EPISODE THREE: SUPPERTIME EXT. MESSIAH COMPLEX - DAY Vatican City-- perhaps we see CARS or a HELICOPTER to establish the present day. POPE (V. O.) Thank you all for coming... we are ready to open the third time capsule. INT. MESSIAH COMPLEX HQ - DAY THE OLD MAN (aka THE POPE) is dressed in TENNIS TOGS and a SKULLCAP as he presides over CLERICS at the conference table. He prepares to read Dez's REPORT, the IGUANA crawls behind him on his throne-like chair. POPE Let us hope progress has been made toward the glorious New Age of Mankind... The nerdy CLERIC pipes up again: CLERIC Uh, your holiness? Why don't we just open all the time capsules at once, and find out how things turned out? THE POPE blinks. There's a long beat. POPE Hmmm. While we're at it, why don't we just encourage free abortion and divorce on demand? It's only logical, God knows. And all that crazy stuff about the Holy Trinity, who can make sense of it? Let's throw out the Bible, read Harry Potter novels instead. THE CLERICS look at one another, a few nod, we hear MURMURS of agreement ("Hmmm," "Interesting," "I like it," etc.) THE POPE explodes-POPE (cont'd) I'm being sarcastic you idiots! It's MY CHURCH! MINE!! It's not supposed to make sense! We do things MY WAY!! Capisce?! THE CLERICS cringe and nod vigorously. THE POPE CLEARS HIS THROAT and begins to read: POPE (cont'd) "Agent Desiree Jones, time capsule number three, Saturday night, 33 AD. Jesus has promised me--" DISSOLVE TO: INT. DESIREE'S TENT - NIGHT DEZ stands before a full-length mirror, in her sexiest lingerie, applying LIPSTICK. She looks fantastic. HER VOICE FADES IN as the POPE FADES OUT... POPE/DEZ (V. O.) --a romantic candlelit dinner. He's booked us a private table at Jerusalem's trendiest inn. DEZ pouts in the mirror, winks seductively, then reaches behind her, somehow whipping out-THE WEAPON we saw in its case in the previous episode. She sights menacingly down the fat barrel, pointing at the mirror, straight in our faces. DEZ (V. O.) Tonight's the night, JC. EXT. JERUSALEM INN - NIGHT A TORCHLIT STRUCTURE, as "Life of Brian" squalid as the rest of Jerusalem, but with VELVET ROPES and a CROWD in front. DEZ, in appropriate period ROBES over her underwear, approaches the BOUNCER manning the ropes. Hi. DEZ I want to see Jesus of Nazareth... BOUNCER Yeah, yeah, babe, you and the rest of Judaea. DEZ No, we have a reservation. Jones. Desiree Jones. THE BOUNCER checks a clipboard. BOUNCER OK, you're on the list. Table's behind the curtain in the back. He waves Dez past, she heads inside through the crowd. INT. INN - NIGHT The name's DEZ stands before the curtain, licks her lips and arches her back, exposes some cleavage, ready to make a grand entrance. She pulls back the curtain to reveal-THE LAST SUPPER Looking as close to the classic Da Vinci fresco as possible-Jesus in the center of his disciples at a long table. JUDAS, CHRIST'S AGENT, is to his right. They all freeze at the sound of her entrance. All CHIT-CHAT stops. They slowly TURN to look at her, lasciviously. ON DEZ dumbstruck, feeling naked. DEZ She pulls her robe around her. Jesus, who are all these... people? JESUS comes out from behind the table, whispers with Dez. JESUS Just a few disciples. DEZ I thought this was going to be our night. JESUS I know, I'm sorry-- they kinda follow me everywhere. There's plenty of room on the other side of the table... COMMOTION from the table, we hear SMASHING GLASS, the SCREAMS of disciples. Jesus and Dez turn to see-LAZARUS climbing in the window. His skin hangs in shreds, he's straight out of a George Romero film or an EC Comic. JUDAS Oh no, it's Lazarus again! PAUL And he's a flesh-eating zombie! LAZARUS grabs the nearest disciple, takes a BITE out of his throat, BLOOD SPURTS. DISCIPLES SCREAM and SCATTER. LAZARUS looks up to see-JESUS, who's got his arms around Dez. LAZARUS drops the CORPSE he's been munching, puts his hands out and advances on the Savior. A Frankenstein delivery: LAZARUS Jeeeee-- zusssss-JESUS is freaked. Whoah. JESUS It worked. LAZARUS grabs Jesus by the throat, ready to dig in. LAZARUS Must-- eat-- Jesus-- JESUS (fast) No no, Lazarus, that transubstantiation stuff isn't meant to be taken literally-DEZ yanks Jesus away from the zombie-DEZ Let me handle this. DEZ sheds her robes and assumes a MARTIAL ARTS POSE. With a CRY, she KICKS LAZARUS across the room, impaling him on a large STEEL SPIKE. LAZARUS writhes and moans. JUDAS winces. Ouch. JUDAS Who left that spike there? DEZ picks up a BUTCHER KNIFE from the table, hurls it-THE BLADE spins neatly through the air, and-IMBEDS ITSELF between LAZARUS' EYES. DEZ turns to Jesus. DEZ (cont'd) Kill the brain, kill the ghoul. JESUS (genuinely impressed) You saved my life. How can I ever thank you? DEZ raises an eyebrow suggestively. EXT. DESERT - NIGHT He goes limp. PAN OVER sleeping DISCIPLES, SNORING in their open desert camp. We hear some MOANING from behind a bush, and find-JESUS and DEZ making out furiously. Oh Jesus. DEZ Yes. Yes. Oh Jesus. As she feigns passion-CLOSE ON HER HAND reaching beneath her robes piled on the ground, where we see THE WEAPON. Just as DEZ moves the weapon toward Jesus-THE BUSHES rustle and part. THREE ROMAN CENTURIONS stand there, spears in hand. CENTURION Jesus of Nazareth? We'd like a word with you. THE CENTURIONS GRAB Jesus, yank him to his feet-DEZ rises, WEAPON in hand. No! DEZ Let him go, he's mine! A CENTURION swings the butt end of his spear-CLOCKING DEZ. She hits the ground hard, losing consciousness. JESUS Hey! CENTURION Shut up, you. JESUS (miserably) OK... They drag Jesus away, past-JUDAS, hefting a sack of gold in hand. JUDAS What can I say, Jeez. business. This is a tough FADE TO BLACK. SUPER: "NEXT - JESUS IS COMING" EPISODE FOUR: JESUS IS COMING EXT. DESERT - NIGHT THE SUN rising over the open desert. DEZ is still unconscious, in her underwear, the weapon by her side. She stirs, blinks, sits up and rubs her head. DEZ Oh my head. WIDER The disciples are long gone. DEZ rises, steps into her high-heeled pumps. She sees the WEAPON and picks it up. DEZ (cont'd) What the hell is this? Where am I? (a beat) Who am I? I must have amnesia! MUSICAL STING. EXT. JERUSALEM STREET - DAY DEZ, in just her Victoria's Secret get-up, wanders the streets, weapon in hand. PASSERSBY, Arab-types in robes, react to the strange sight. Dez is oblivious to this. She scratches her head, thinking hard, talking to herself, looking down at the ground. DEZ It starts with a D, I'm pretty sure. Doris? Delores? She passes MORE PEOPLE, staring upward, looking at something in the distance. Hm. DEZ (cont'd) What's everyone looking at? DEZ looks up herself and sees-EXT. CALVARY - DAY THREE CROSSES on a hill in the near distance. EXT. JERUSALEM STREET - DAY ON DEZ, as her jaw drops, eyes going wide. DEZ Of course! I'm-- I'm a time traveler! I'm Desiree Jones, agent for the Vatican! (raising weapon) And I've got to use this on Jesus... before it's too late! WIDER DEZ breaks into a run, heading toward the hill. EXT. CALVARY - DAY WITH JESUS, up on the cross, head slumped in the traditional pose of crucifixion. A FAINT VOICE-DEZ Jesus! Down here, Jesus! It's me! can't be dead, you can't be!! You JESUS stirs, raises his head, slowly opens an eye-JESUS'S POV A BLURRY IMAGE resolves itself. DEZ is waving, pushing her way through crowds below the cross. GUARDS try to grab her. WITH DEZ A display of KICKBOXING prowess, a flurry of fists and feet, ROMAN GUARDS flying like tenpins. THE VIRGIN MARY gets in Dez's face as she's about to climb the hill, grabbing her by the shoulders-- VIRGIN MARY You little tramp! Stay away from my boy! DEZ Talk to the hand, Virgin! Dez holds up a hand for the confused Virgin Mary-- then SUCKER PUNCHES her with her other fist. She goes down hard, but grabs Dez by the leg and won't let go. DEZ hobbles up the hill, dragging the hefty Virgin Mary behind her. DEZ Mary Mother of God, I'm on a mission! VIRGIN MARY What do you want from Him, He's dying for your sins, already! ON JESUS He blinks, watching this drama below, deadpan. DEZ finally KICKS FREE of the Virgin and sprints toward the base of the cross. SHE LEAPS ON IT, begins shimmying up it like a telephone repairman. DEZ I'm here for you, baby! ON JESUS speaking quietly, with effort. JESUS Dez, this really isn't a good time... DEZ has reached Jesus' legs. CLOSE ON WEAPON She flicks a SWITCH with her thumb-- it comes to life, LIGHTS FLASH up and down the barrel, it starts to HUM and PULSE ominously. She displays the WEAPON-- DEZ AND JESUS She looks up at Him apologetically. DEZ I'm sorry it has to be this way... JESUS (nervous) What is that thing? DEZ I'm from the future, Jesus. This is a combination time travel device and, well, a very powerful Accu-Jack. JESUS (uncomprehending) Accu-Jack? With a SIGH, DEZ thrusts the device-UP JESUS' LOINCLOTH where we see PULSING LIGHT and VIBRATING. JESUS His eyes go wide, his head rears back. JESUS Oh... oh... oh my... WIDE THE SKY darkens over Calvary, CLOUDS move unnaturally fast, LIGHTNING FLASHES overhead. A THIEF on the next cross cranes his neck. THIEF Hey lady, can I get some of that? ON JESUS A smile plays across his face. He closes his eyes. JESUS Forgive them, Father, they know-not--what-- they-- DOOOOO! A BOLT OF LIGHTNING-DEZ yanks the WEAPON from under the loincloth, checks it-CLOSE ON WEAPON An LED DISPLAY reads "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED." DEZ smiles and jumps down from the cross. AT THE BASE, a dozen CENTURIONS point SPEARS right at her-DEZ Bye, guys. DEZ flicks another switch on the device, which ENVELOPS DEZ in a BUBBLE OF LIGHT. She SHIMMERS and DISAPPEARS. INT. TIME TRAVEL ROOM - DAY THE POPE (now wearing full CEREMONIAL ROBES and MITRE) and a few CLERICS stand around a MASSIVE DEVICE, which looks like a humongous version of the WEAPON. CLOSER, UNDER THE DEVICE A BUBBLE OF LIGHT PULSES and DEZ APPEARS within it, cradling the Accu-Jack. It's like "beaming up" in "Star Trek." She blinks and shakes herself, adjusting to the present. A ROUND OF APPLAUSE from the CLERICS, the POPE steps forward. POPE It is done? DEZ Yes, your holiness. POPE Cover thy nakedness, Sister. An OLD NUN steps up to DEZ with a HABIT in hand. SISTER DESIREE JONES dresses quickly, looking very pious now. POPE (cont'd) (to the old nun) Have you prepared the Vessels for our Lord? OLD NUN Ready for insemination, your holiness-As she says this-A WALL STARTS to RISE BEHIND THEM beyond which we see a small army of SHADOWY FIGURES. THE POPE turns to Dez. POPE Give it to me, Sister Jones. DEZ flicks another switch on the weapon. THE GLASS VIAL on the side of the thing EMERGES. something in it, a GLOWING and SPARKLING LIQUID. There's THE POPE takes the vial, DEZ slips the weapon into her habit and CLASPS HER HANDS in prayer. THE POPE eyes the glowing vial closely. POPE (cont'd) At last. I hold in my hand forty million squirming little potential demi-gods. WIDER The Pope turns toward the SHADOWY ARMY as the LIGHTS COME UP. POPE (cont'd) Your struggles and sacrifices have not been in vain. You have earned this gift. You are all Brides of Christ! to you-- And I give We see now he addresses a SEA OF TITTERING NUNS, all in full nun regalia of various colors and styles. THE POPE raises the VIAL above his head. POPE (cont'd) --The Spunk of the Lord! ON THEIR WILD CHEERING-FADE TO BLACK. SUPER: "NEXT - WHAT THE HELL?!"