ME: Good morning Springwood! I hope everyone is having a good day thus far! It is currently -14
degrees outside, and as I look out my window, I see kids walking to school. Don’t you think it is a little
too cold for them to be walking to school?
GUEST: I personally think that those kids should have school every day. Some people work every day and
you don’t hear them complaining about it.
ME: Very insightful! Ah I almost forgot to mention that I am accompanied by Mr. Toothe, who is
principal of the local Springwood Elementary! How are you on this very cold day, my friend?
GUEST: You think this is cold? I used to walk to school in three feet of snow and it was uphill both ways.
AND we only had cardboard boxes for shoes!
ME: So do you think that this whether supports Mr. Gore’s statements about global warming, Mr.
GUEST: Personally, I don’t believe in that garbage. It’s just an excuse to get people worried about the
ME: Very optimistic, my friend. However, whether or not you believe in it, you can’t deny that the global
temperature is increasing, correct?
GUEST: Personally, I like the heat. It prevents kids from thinking I will give them a delay, cause I have no
intention of delaying school. Quite frankly, a bus would have to smack a skyscraper for me to cancel
ME: There aren’t any skyscrapers in Spring… ANYWHO, so you don’t think that the polar ice caps are
melting? You simply deny the fact that global oceans are heating up and rising?
GUEST: Isn’t water a good thing? Don’t we kind of need to drink that to support ourselves? I think it is ok
by me. Water is a necessity and the ice caps aren’t.
ME: First off, you can’t drink salt water, which is what the ocean is filled with. Secondly, higher oceans
will wipe out most of New York and other eastern states, not to mention the south. States like Texas and
New Orleans will be swamped by water.
GUEST: NOT MARDIS GRAS! Now what am I going to spend school taxes on…
ME: Well I understand the history dept. is in need of new books. Perhaps you could do something with
GUEST: Nah. It’s all about me at Springwood.
ME: So in closing, Mr. Toothe, you don’t believe in global warming?
GUEST: Nope. I think it is a scam that is trying to scare us. It is similar to Y2K and 2012. I will believe it
when I see it.
ME: There you have it folks! Direct from the mouth of Mr. Toothe himself! Global warming is a façade!
Until next time, I’m Mike,
GUEST: And I’m an ignorant buffoon,
ME: And this concludes the debate on Global warming.