Bed & Bored
Bed & Bored #010 is produced for the 64th distribution of SNAPS by Laurie Kunkel (email: ElfKunkel; snail
mail: 5359 Nicole; White Lake, MI 48383; 248/742-9118 (for area code 702 denizens:
702/258-4529)) with varying assistance from our my beloved children, Typographical Error,
Esmerelda, Reepicheep, and Peepiceek. Typo, thanks for riding herd on your younger sibs and giving
me a sanity break; Esme, thank you for being original; Reep, thank you for allowing me at least half
of my meals, except when the meal involves meat; Peep, thank you for being ... well, thank you for
being. To all four of you, thank you for NOT killing me off, despite trying really hard; may this trend
continue. I'd like to thank The Sanity Quorum—David Allred, Karen Belcher, Woody Bernardi, Kathi Fitzgerald,
Ed Garea, Stephen Herte, Dave Skolnick, and Shelby Vick (ShelVy)—for generating a variety of topics to
explore. Some of the typos are made by me, and the rest by our my boys and Peep; please use your
discretion to determine who typed which. Images: Ask ShelVy, he nicked them!
Dateline: 19 January 2012
No trees were injured in the creation of this zine, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
Saturday, 24 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Peepiceek.
Weather Factoid: The nearer the New Moon to Christmas Day, the harder the Winter. [Well, geez. The
New Moon would be today.]
Ponderence of the Day: "On a coast-to-coast Greyhound trip across America in my early twenties, I
turned up unannounced one morning at the ofﬁces of the Chicago Tribune, and delightfully was given
the grand tour. In those days, the type was still set using hot metal Linotype machines, and the press
itself was a beastly thing of beauty. Noisy as thunder. Fast as lightning. My generous hosts loaded me
with takeaways, which fascinatingly included instructions for making a pressman's hat. In days of old,
printers deftly folded up newsprint to create a little square hat which kept their hair clean (and probably
stopped it getting caught in the ﬂying parts of their machinery). Pressman's hats have subsequently made
many family Christmas appearances. (Oh yes, we Cousins know how to have fun.) Made from a roll of
cheap wrapping paper, they're certain to add a spot of frivolity to any festive meal time. (Just Google
'pressman's hat' for instructions.) You could think of something like this as a kind of party piece. A little
turn you can perform when you need to. It's a concept that might also be applied to a situation when
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someone you bump into has a dose of the blues. What could be the equivalent of the pressman's hat?
Perhaps it would be to persuade the person concerned to identify 'three good things'? This absolutely can
work, especially when they tell you that EVERYTHING'S going wrong. You're not trying to belittle
their circumstances, but it's nearly always possible for someone to ﬁnd three things that are good, even
in a sea of sadness. Do think about having the equivalent of a party piece with which to help others. And
do think about making a pressman's hat. It's enough to make anyone smile when they see you wearing
origami." [Site I used: How To Fold A Newspaper Pressman Hat]
ShelVy: LOVED this bit about printer's hats. Way, Way back, I was part owner of Kelly Press,
and we had both loose type AND a Linotype. Then along came offset printing...
Goal for the Day: Forgive yourself for mistakes.
"Each Christmas I remember/The ones of long ago;/I see our mantelpiece adorned/With
stockings in a row.//Each Christmas ﬁnds me dreaming/Of days that used to be,/When we
hid presents here and there,/For all the family.//Each Christmas I remember/The
fragrance in the air,/Of roasting turkey and mince pies/And cookies everywhere.//Each
Christmas ﬁnds me longing/For Christmases now past,/And I am back in childhood/As
long as memories last." (Carice Williams, Christmas Past)
Brain: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"
Pinky: "I think so, Brain. But where's the ESC lock?"
Seriously, the Netbook's ESC key is missing. If anyone out there ﬁnds it, please send it home.
Karen: I think it's time to round up the usual (feline) suspects.
That's part of the problem. Peep and I were watching a movie, I paused the movie using the ESC key,
closed the laptop, did some other things, then reopened the laptop, and the ESC key was gone.
ShelVy: I'm not so good at ﬁnding Lost things, Laurie. Hell, I can't even ﬁnd Found
things! I'm the guy what puts something Where I Can Find It - and I never see it again.
Well, that so doesn't bode well for my Pepsi at CorFlu!
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Karen: LMAO! In my experience, that's the best way to make sure something is never
seen again. :)
ShelVy: Again, Too True!!! <g>
::sigh:: Resent to correct Stephen's email. Sorry, Stephen. My brain vanished, too...
ShelVy: Mebbe YOUR brain will ﬁnd MY brain!
Karen: Maybe they went to keep Ed's brain company?
Doubtful. Visiting hours are over.
Ed: Do you mean me or Dave? I say this because a lot of people think Dave's real name
is Ed, due to his e-mail address.If you mean me, than I can only reply is that YOU'D like
to have my brain. Everyone would like to have this ubermensch's brain. ;)
::snort:: Edward Garea! This group is plenty smart enough to know that Dave was, incredibly enough,
polite and put his wife's initial before his own. How badly did that knock on your head scramble your
ShelVy: That sounds like an Evail Combination!
Stephen: Ed, does it ﬂoat around, like the Brain from the planet Arros?
Stephen, it's deﬁnitely ﬂoating right now due to the concussion. (The canines tried to do him in, you
Ed: No, it calls me on and on across the universe.
ShelVy: Call Dr Frankenstein! <g>
I tried, but Ed answered the phone!
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Karen: Nope, we meant you, because you were temporarily dazed and confused due to
Psst, Karen! Temporarily?
Karen: I thought Dave was the one who
is permanently dazed and confused.
Good point ... Although, were Dave to leave
Ohio, I think we'd ﬁnd him to be rational, caring,
generous, and in control of his ego ... <This bit of
Ohio-bashing brought to you by the Michigan Go
North, Young Man Foundation.>
Karen: What does Ohio have to do with it?
I have a feeling Dave would be the same no matter where he lived. :)
::giggle, snort:: I dunno, Dave in NC was much more fun. Maybe he needs a ﬁfty-week vacation with
"limited" email access.
Dave: I've lived in Ohio for 16 years. Before that, it was New York.
So that explains it!!! Dave's life now makes perfect sense!
Ed: Dazed and Confused could be my theme song. :)
Only "could be"?
Karen: Can you imagine the havoc that could be wrought? :)
ShelVy: Incidentally, I LOVED Pinky and The Brain.
So did Bill and I. [28 Dec: ESC key found by EMT, who thought it was off his gurney. Now to reattach
the itty-bitty sliver of ﬂat plastic.]
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Speciﬁcally for ShelVy:
Brain: [Reading Pinky's letter to Santa] "Dear Santa, Hello, haha, narf. [Glares at a tearful
Pinky before continuing] This year, Santa, I ask for nothing, but I wish to tell you about
[haltingly] my dear friend, The Brain. He is honest and very hardworking, and only wants
what's best for the world. But he gets no reward—he's only greeted with defeat. He never
gives up, but I know it must be very hard. So please, take anything you have for me and
give it to my best friend in the whole world, The Brain. [Looks sadly over at Pinky, who
is crying due to not having given the letter to Santa when he had the chance] Love, Pinky.
PS: By any chance, do you have in that big old bag of yours, the world?"
Pinky: [Pinky activates the mind control device] You're on!
Pinky: You're on, Brain!
Brain: [Still teary-eyed from Pinky's letter, composing himself] Um, ladies and gentlemen
of the world, you will do as I say. For I ... I command you. I command you to... [Looks
over at Pinky, who is urging him on, before tearfully blurting out] Have a Merry
Christmas everyone! Have a merry, merry Christmas! Joy to the world! Yes! [Breaks
It's ShelVy's turn to humor the SQ:
Why Angels Are on Christmas Tree Tops
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the
regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give
birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then
when he began to load the sleigh, one of the ﬂoorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the
ground and all the toys were scattered.
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Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he
went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the
liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds
of little glass pieces all over the kitchen ﬂoor. He went to get the broom and found the
mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open,
and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very
cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for
you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Not a lot of
people know this.
Ed: A great story!
Karen: LOL! Good one!
"Somewhere across the winter world tonight/You will be hearing chimes that ﬁll the air;/
Christmas extends its all-enfolding light/Across the distance ... something we can share.//
You will be singing, just the same as I,/These familiar songs we know so well,/And you
will see these same stars in your sky/And wish upon that brightest one that fell.//I shall
remember you and trim my tree,/One shining star upon the topmost bough;/I will hang
wreaths of faith that all may see—/Tonight I glimpse beyond the hear and now.//And all
the time that we must be apart/I keep a candle in my heart." (Mary E. Linton, Candlelit
My sanity, or the possible lack thereof, has been concerning me of late. ShelVy, Karen, and Paige have
been quite positive about the existence of my sanity. I guess that as much as I trust them, I'm still
concerned. So, I turned to someone whom Bill and I both trust. That I trusted the person was hardly
surprising, given Bill's belief that I would ﬁnd something to trust in everyone; that Bill trusted the
person, reverberates even more.
Happy holidays! I hope the peace of the season is with you.
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The timing of my questions are probably bad, but my timing has been off for awhile. So, please bear
with me; right now, I feel like I've been blindfolding and cast out in a blizzard at midnight and told to
ﬁnd a certain tree stump.
The ﬁrst question: what is your current counseling hourly rate?
The second question: if I can meet the rate, would you be willing to read over my journal since
September and offer an opinion on whether or not I'm handling things well?
If I am not, in your opinion, I promise I will seek out help here. If I am, that too would be a major relief.
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people
keep sending it to each other." (Johnny Carson)
Karen: I'm watching several versions of A Christmas Carol, as they seem to be running
nearly all of them this season. Still love the Alistair Sim version best. The Patrick Stewart
version is pretty good, as are the George C. Scott version, and the Reginald Owen
version. I ﬁnally saw the Albert Finney musical version, and it's pretty bad, even though I
like Finney and one of the songs in it -- still, it's not nearly as bad as the Kelsey Grammar
musical version, which is without a doubt the worst version ever, though the Jim Carrey
version is a close second. Have I mentioned that I HATE Jim Carrey?
Ed: Well written and reasoned, Karen. I couldn't argue ANY of your points, even if I
wanted to. I agree with you totally on the Albert Finney version. It was a typical late 60s
musical and dreadful. As to the Kelsey Grammar version ... well, the less said the better.
And Jim Carrey? The LEAST said about him the better. He sucks the life out of every
ﬁlm he's in - and he is not funny in the least. I once made the mistake of going to see him
in The Mask when it was in theaters. The ads seemed funny. How was I to know that all
the funny highlights were in the commercial? My wife and I both vowed never to repeat
the mistake of going to see him in a movie again.
Stephen: I always liked the puppet version on the Sandy Becker Show with Geeba Geeba
playing Scrooge and Marvin the Mouse as Tiny Tim.
I'd expect nothing less.
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Ed: Karen, In all our recollections of the versions of A Christmas Carol we both forgot
one of our very favorites! Blackadder's Christmas Carol. Shame on us both.
Karen: Oh, yes, that's a great one! But no one is playing it this year. Too bad. BBC
America ran it several times last year, but I didn't see it listed once this year.
I'm just glad Henry Winkler's 1979 An American Christmas Carol wasn't on. That was atrocious!
Karen: I don't think I ever saw that one. :)
I'm glad—life's too dear.
ShelVy: Bad enuf I've COMPLETELY forgotten it, Laurie! ... and don't try to jog my
Ed: I remember it being listed a long time ago, but stayed away. I ﬁgured it would be no
more than Ebenezer Fonzarelli's Christmas Carol. Who would be the Ghost of Christmas
Past? Potsie? Ralph Malph as Christmas Present?
Henry Winkler was in possibly the worst wrestling movie I've seen: The One and Only.
Oh, is that a bad picture. Dave Meltzer and I used to argue about that ﬁlm all the time
because he liked it.
Peep may never have known her Dad, but boy, by her
behavior, she is her father's daughter! While rummaging
through the walk-in laundry/pantry/miscellaneous spot,
she found the three pounds of catnip, plus the full plastic
container, that Bill had been looking for since he put it
away last Christmas for "safe keeping" after the kids
broke the lid of the container. My little stoner was
dragging the Ziplock bag across the kitchen ﬂoor when
Paige took it away. Affronted, the mouse headed back into
the closet and rolled the container out. That she rolled to
me and sat there mewling until I called out "Nip!" which
brought everyone front and center.
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"Then he sighed and groaned; but his voice was weak/He was so ashamed that he could
not speak./He knew at last that he had been a fool,/To think of breaking the forest rule,/
And choosing a dress himself to please,/Because he envied the other trees./But it couldn't
be helped, it was now too late,/He must make up his mind to a leaﬂess fate!/So he let
himself sink in a slumber deep,/But he moaned and he tossed in his troubled sleep,/Till
the morning touched him with joyful beam,/And he woke to ﬁnd it was all a dream./For
there in his evergreen dress he stood,/A pointed ﬁr in the midst of the wood!/His branches
were sweet with the balsam smell,/His needles were green when the white snow fell./And
always contented and happy was he,/The very best kind of a Christmas tree." (Henry Van
Dyke, The Foolish Fir Tree)
ShelVy's on a Christmas roll:
'Twas the Night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck .../How to live in a world that's
politically correct?/His workers no longer would answer to "Elves,"/"Vertically
Challenged" they were calling themselves./And labor conditions at the North Pole,/were
alleged by the union, to stiﬂe the soul.//Four reindeer had vanished without much
propriety,/released to the wilds, by the Humane Society./And equal employment had
made it quite clear,/that Santa had better not use just reindeer./So Dancer and Donner,
Comet and Cupid,/were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!//The
runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,/because the ruts were deemed
dangerous by the EPA,/And millions of people were calling the Cops,/when they heard
sled noises upon their roof tops./Second-
hand smoke from his pipe, had his
workers quite frightened,/and his fur-
trimmed red suit was called
"unenlightened."//To show you the
strangeness of today's ebbs and ﬂows,/
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use
of his nose./He went to Geraldo, in front
of the Nation,/demanding millions in
over-due workers’ compensation.//So ...
half of the reindeer were gone, and his
wife/who suddenly said she'd had enough
of this life,/joined a self help group,
packed and left in a whiz,/demanding from now on that her title was Ms.//And as for gifts
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... why, he'd never had the notion/that making a choice could cause such commotion./
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur .../Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her./
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,/Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise./Nothing
for just girls and nothing for just boys./Nothing that claimed to be gender speciﬁc,/
Nothing that's warlike or non-paciﬁstic.//No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the
tooth./Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth./And fairy tales ... while not yet
forbidden,/were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,/for they raised the hackles of
those psychological,/who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.//No baseball, no
football ... someone might get hurt,/besides—playing sports exposed kids to dirt./Dolls
were said to be sexist and should be passé/and Nintendo would rot your entire brain
away.//So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,/he just couldn't ﬁgure out
what to do next?/He tried to be merry, he tried to be gay,/but you must have to be careful
with that word today/His sack was quite empty, it was ﬂat on the ground,/nothing fully
acceptable was anywhere to be found.//Something special was needed, a gift that he
might,/give to us all, without angering the left or the right./A gift that would satisfy—
with no indecision,/each group of people in every religion./Every race, every hue,/
everyone, everywhere ... even you!/So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth:/"MAY
YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH!
"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house/Not a creature was stirring
—not even a mouse:/The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,/In hopes that St
Nicholas soon would be there. ..." (Clement Clarke Moore)
Sunday, 25 December: Merry Christmas! Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Mom, as all
athletes were too high on catnip to participate. Fines imposed.
Weather Factoid: A green Christmas; a white Easter. [::sigh:: our snow was melted by rain; if we have
snow on 08 April, I will be furious. Although, I can offer to Kacey and Juan my Dad's solution for the
Easter egg hunt he and I had for Jimmy. We got up at 5AM, and boiled a dozen eggs, left the dyed eggs
in the fridge and hid the undecorated ones. Jimmy found seven of the 12.]
Ponderence of the Day: "It's Christmas morning here in the UK, so wherever you are today—and
whatever your beliefs—a very happy Christmas from us to you. If you do observe Christmas it's hard to
avoid the fact that people very often place so much store by this one day of the year. Expectations can be
high. And the higher they are of course, the less likely they are to be reached. Better, if possible, to enter
into it with an open mind. An open heart is good too. Knowing how very beneﬁcial good old human
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contact can be, make the most of being with other people today. Of course, not everyone has the
prospect of being in the company of others however, so if you have a neighbour or friend who might be
alone today, please pop in and see them, or phone them up. Alternatively if it's you who may be on your
own, don't hesitate to initiate contact yourself by picking up the phone to friends. Or email them, text
them or Skype them. Or send a pigeon. A turkey even. Above all else, please remember that we're here
for you. So once again then, Happy Christmas and have yourself a merry little Moodscope."
Goal for the Day: Give and accept support.
"On the ﬁrst day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: a Partridge in a Pear Tree."
Sundown tonight starts the twelve days of Christmas. It always puzzled me as a kid why the countdown
would start on 13 December, let alone why a true love would send seven days worth of birds!
Considering that Jimmy's and my parents bred, raised, showed, and judged American Singer canaries, I
did not consider birds romantic.
"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on
Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." (Andy Rooney)
Five Ridiculous 'War On Christmas' Myths
By Michael Hayne
December 21st, 2011
It is that magical time of year again, where we see Wall Street executives in Santa costumes begging for
bailouts, Newt Gingrich forcing Cindy Who to scrub all the toilets down in Whoville, and pretty much
every single television break being one continuous Zales Diamond and Lexus advertisement. Indeed,
Christmas is a two-month, jovial free market orgy in which Americans show concern for their fellow-
man by trampling on him in the nearest 'Buy Crap' box store, in order to purchase the latest state-of-the-
art (soon-to-be-obsolete) piece of cheap, imported crap–all in the spirit of celebrating the birth of 40"
Flatscreen TV. But it's also a time where the Right feigns outrage over a supposed sinister "War on
Christmas" being waged by godless liberals.
Let's face it—Religious right-wingers have been hopelessly ﬁghting this war (preferably by Fox News
proxy) for quite some time now and, though nobody really seems to care, that certainly hasn't stopped
them from promulgating Christmas propaganda from now until the 25th. After all, if there's anyone in
this country who faces constant ridicule and persecution, it's most deﬁnitely Christians. Even though the
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religious right really hates godless facts, it's probably worth noting that Christmas is a Pagan tradition
and was banned by the Pilgrims.
So let’s take a look at some of the most breathtakingly, phenomenally stupid "War on Christmas" myths.
1. The American Family Association, for example, has been fruitlessly waging a pathetic and ill-
conceived boycott war on Walgreens for having the audacity to have its cashiers wish its diverse
customers "Happy Holidays" upon checking out. "It’s true!" bellowed the AFA. "At Walgreens, they
advertise 'Holiday Candy,' 'Holiday Gift Tags,' 'Holiday Gift Wrap,' 'Holiday Decor,' 'Holiday
Accessories,' 'Holiday Nuts and Snacks' and 'Holiday Hats and Stockings.' But no Christmas! In total,
Walgreens used the term 'holiday' 36 times, rather than using 'Christmas.'" Apparently some entry-level
schmuck at the AFA had to spend his days totaling the number of "holiday" salutations instead of,
perhaps, devising strategies that help spread cheer to impoverished families.
2. Walmart banning “Merry Christmas” greeting. Not to insinuate that I would ever defend Walmart,
but the War on Christmas creates strange allies. For example, in 2005 a woman sent an irate email to
Walmart after one of its employees was wishing her "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas,"
thus begging the question: who are these morons and where do they ﬁnd the time to engage in such
totally frivolous nonsense? Naturally, the dyspeptic woman received a mild response, saying that
"Christmas traditions are rooted in Siberian shamanism and Santa is also borrowed from the Caucuses,
mistletoe from the Celts, yule log from the Goths, the time from the Visigoth and the tree from the
worship of Baal. It is a wide world." That’s right—Walmart reached a lucid conclusion based upon
historical facts and veriﬁable ethos. Despite a planned boycott by the Catholic League, Walmart
continues to have its cashiers greet customers with "Happy Holidays." Oh, and the employee who sent
the reasonable email was ﬁred.
3. A Hospital bans Christmas CD for mentioning Jesus. It seems the Royal Edinburgh Hospital refused
to distribute a CD of Christmas songs in its shop because evidently some of the songs mentioned Jesus.
But much like with everything that comes out of the mouths of the right, it wasn't true. After all, the ﬁrst
casualty of war is the truth. According to the Guardian, not only was the CD not banned, "it was actually
made available at a hospital carol service that had mysteriously evaded the health authority’s attempts to
stamp out Christmas." To quote Republican presidential candidate, Rick Perry, "oops."
4. The John Birch Society. It's not a state secret that the John Birch Society is a group made up of ﬁlthy
rich oligarchs and plutocrats whose wealth comes from happening to be the spoiled offspring of
workaholics. Its members, including the Koch brothers, have spent hordes of cash to prevent regulation
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of industry and legislation that seeks to beneﬁt the middle-class. So it's not especially surprising that in
1959, the John Birch Society warned America that it was under attack. So convinced this impending
anti-Christmas menace, they distributed a pamphlet called "There Goes Christmas," as well as an essay
by Hubert Kregeloh saying that the "Godless" United Nations was planning to take the meaning out of
Christmas, so that the Communists would win. It is now the year 2011, the Reds are dead, and the UN
didn’t ban Christmas in American department stores. Again, "oops."
5. Fox News and Right Wing websites declare Pilgrims would be outraged by today's anti-Christmas
treatment. Ah, always save the best the last. In its typical fact-less, inﬂammatory fashion, the fembots (or
foxbots) and mannequins over at Fox News. Fox continue to manipulate the history of Christmas
celebration in America. For example, Laura Ingraham actually argued that the Pilgrims came to this
country to celebrate Christmas. Not to burst the fantastically fact-less Fox News bubble, but history
clearly shows that the Pilgrims, oppressive and rigid as they were, actually banned Christmas in
Boston and it wasn't until 1870 that Christmas was declared a federal holiday. But leave it to Fox News
to completely and utterly get it wrong!
31 Dec: Karen: I like the "War on Christmas" essay - and I am SO sick of those stupid
Lexus ads! Does anyone who isn't a multi-millionaire actually give a car as a Christmas
present? And if they do, is it a new Lexus? I can conceive of parents giving a kid (one
who recently got a license) a good used car for Christmas, but come on, who can afford to
give a new Lexus as a gift? I also love it that he pointed out the stupidity of Fox News in
claiming that the Pilgrims celebrated Christmas.
31 Dec: Ed: Don't you just love the fact that the people portrayed are young people
giving each other such expensive presents? NOT any young peeps I know. The young
peeps I know are just trying to hold their heads above water in Obama USA.
"How like a winter hath my absence been/From thee, the pleasure of the ﬂeeting year!/
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!/What old December's bareness every
where!/And yet this time remov'd was summer's time;/The teeming autumn, big with rich
increase,/Bearing the wanton burden of the prime,/Like widow'd wombs after their lords'
decease:/Yet this abundant issue seem'd to me/But hope of orphans and unfather'd fruit/
For summer and his pleasures wait on thee,/And, thou away, the very birds are mute:/Or,
if they sing, 'tis with so dull a cheer,/That leaves look pale, dreading the winter's
near." (William Shakespeare, How Like a Winter Hath My Absence Been [Sonnet 97])
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With apologies to Edgar Allan Poe: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered sad and weary,/Over
many a quaint and curious listings of sites to explore,/While I nodded, almost sleeping, suddenly there
came a scratching,/As of some one gently munching, munching at a sonic roar./"'Tis some darn feline," I
muttered, "munching at a sonic roar./Only this, and nothing more."/Ah, distinctly I remember it was the
25th of December,/And each separate snoring feline wrought its weight upon the bed./Eagerly I wished
the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow/From my iPad surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost
William—/For the rare and brilliant madman whom deities named William—/Nameless here for
ShelVy: Poe would be pleased. Especially by the 'nevermore'...
Anyway, sites to explore ... Other than ShelVy's and Karen's, of course:
Ed: Joel Veitsch has created an excellent website featuring kittens singing
Destiny Child's "Independent Woman" (cover version by Elbow - which is better
Karen: Very cute!
I received an interesting site from a friend in Vegas: What Happened In My Birth Year. It's a bit
condescending. "In 1966, there was no Google. No Yahoo. Or Mail.AOL" No shit, Sherlock. Or, even:
"Books were printed on paper, made from trees." Uh, okay. But, if you can get past that it is a neat site.
Meanwhile, Stu sent a link to a Juke Box, with a note of "This is neat. It's sort of a time machine of
music. Pick a year, wait a few seconds, and the Juke Box will show you the 20 hits to select from. You
can play all 20 hits, or just those that you like." I've been listening to carols on this site. I was extremely
amused by Stu's signature on his email, though: "You can get much further with a kind word and a gun
than you can with a kind word alone."
"Christmas time is here, by golly,/Disapproval would be folly,/Deck the halls with hunks
of holly,/Fill the cup and don't say "when."/Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,/Mix the
punch, drag out the Dickens,/Even though the prospect sickens,/Brother, here we go
again./On Christmas Day you can't get sore,/Your fellow man you must adore,/There's
time to rob him all the more/The other three hundred and sixty-four./Relations, sparing no
expense'll/Send some useless old utensil,/Or a matching pen and pencil./"Just the thing I
need! How nice!"/It doesn't matter how sincere it/Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,/
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 14 of 75
Sentiment will not endear it,/What's important is the price./Hark the Herald Tribune
sings,/Advertising wondrous things./God rest ye merry, merchants,/May you make the
Yuletide pay./Angels we have heard on high/Tell us to go out and buy!/So let the raucous
sleigh bells jingle,/Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,/Driving his reindeer across the
sky./Don't stand underneath when they ﬂy by." (Tom Lehrer, A Christmas Carol)
I'm trying to ﬁgure out if I can go to CorFlu even if Kacey can't. Would I feel safer doing transfers if she
were there? You bet. But, by the same token, I can't rely on the kids for forever. So, I need to ﬁgure out
if going to CorFlu is in my psychological best interest, and, whether it is or isn't, then between now and
31 December, I have to get a lot of things done, as my resolution for the mundane New Year is to be
more independent. So, other than ShelVy—who has been lobbying for my making the trip since October
—will there be anyone who would want to see me at CorFlu—heck, even in mundane Vegas—enough
for me to put my life in my own hands for the ﬁrst time since 2009?
ShelVy: Frankly, Laurie, what I've sensed is that EVERYone would like to see you at
Corﬂu! --If, of course, everything works out favorably; your physical ability to attend and
ditto for your Faithful Attendant.
Karen: I'm not even going, but I'd like to see you make the trip. I think it will do you a
lot of good. :)
I added Stephen; not sure how he missed this one. ::sigh:: okay, bear with me folks. This is not being
written as a sympathy ploy or anything else, but just out of genuine confusion: why would anyone want
to see me? I mean, the excitement expressed over Bill going to CorFlu made sense: he was a NF, to his
mind, and noted it took him over 30 years to get there. I mean, given all of the BNFs and NFs who will
be there to really be excited over seeing, why would anyone care if I'm there? If I were a cartoonist, I
could see it, or even a good faan writer, but I barely qualify as a decent conversationalist.
ShelVy: Don't sell yourself short, Laurie. You are NOT some rank neofan! Not only are
you Bill's widow but, as well, a regular contributor to SNAPS, and renowned for it. You
have demonstrated a great sense of humor and a strength many envy.
I'd ask who, but I'm beginning to sound like a damned owl! The six stages of fandom: neofan, faan, Fan,
Name Fan, Big Name Fan, Super BNF. I didn't think the Glades of Gaﬁa had regressed me to
neofanhood, Shelby, I just ﬁgured that—since Bill considered himself a NF—I was still a faan. And, let's
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 15 of 75
face it, that I brokered a peace accord between two Super BNFs, took one hell of a lot of audacity. I'm
just lucky neither of you verbally smacked me as the yapping dog I likely came across.
ShelVy: 'Yapping dog'? YOU???
'Barking', 'Snarling', 'Growling', but
NEVER yapping!!! ... and
remember that Corﬂu is centered
on fanzine fans! Yeah, they really
want PAPER fanzines, but they
have - reluctantly! - groan grown to
accept and move up to the
Thanks, I think ...
ShelVy: You're welcome, I'm POSITIVE!
Ed: The Glades of Gaﬁa? Six stages of fandom?? Sounds like a lot of wasted time to me.
::sigh:: Open mouth, insert foot. Ed's going to have a bad case of athlete's tongue.
ShelVy: Yeah, Ed - but it's a way some of us LIKE to waste time!!! <g>
Ed: Different strokes for different folks.
Karen: I care about people, not their status. And I think there are people who genuinely
care about you as well as Bill, who will want to see you for that reason. I doubt that
people who don't know you will care though. :)
Yes, in generally all ways I reject people's status (unless the person has been declared toxic by someone
I trust, in which case, well...) And, I think, Bill was deﬁnitely well liked by the folks in fandom. And, I
made a good harness for Bill's potshots. Shel? Did we met at the LA CorFlu?
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 16 of 75
ShelVy: I've never been to LA, so we didn't meet there. The saved emails from '95
indicates we didn't meet before that. What Vegas cons were there in '95 and '96? I THINK
that's where we met...but didn't you say Bill left Vegas in '95? Since I DID meet him, had
to be earlier. What month in '95? Was there a Vegas con earlier that same year?
Bill and I didn't leave Vegas until 2005. You're right, SilverCon was in '95 the spring/summer before our
wedding. I know it was before the wedding, because Burb was teasing Bill and offered to run away with
me in front of him.
ShelVy: Then MUSTA been Silvercon. HAD to have been, since I know I went there.
Dunno where I got the notion Bill left Vegas in '95...
Leaving Vegas ... Leaving OFFICIAL bachelorhood ... Six of one ...
Ed: Laurie, I love you, but there are times when you REALLY cheese me off. I have tried
to tell you numerous times, and always politely, to knock off the self-depreciation. "Why
would anyone want to see you??" Because not only are you Bill's widow, you are also the
co-creator of much of what he did when you were together. As I remember, it was you
who taught the class at UNLV with him. It was you that edited his articles and always
made him sound good.
Sure, there are some people who won't be glad to see you, but so what? When they begin
paying your rent is when you should care what they think. Bill was a great inﬂuence in
this ﬁeld and I'm sure that any intelligent person who attends would want to get your take
on those years.
Wake up and stop belittling yourself. Remember, you don't have to knock yourself, there
are plenty of people around willing to that for you, beginning with Dear Old Mother. And
if they don't appreciate you, then it's their problem -- and their loss.
ShelVy: Tell it like it is, Ed!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 17 of 75
Ed: What really cheeses me off is that it's not like she doesn't have a good support
system. She has us -- and if nothing else -- we all believe in her and support her. What
Laurie needs is to help us help her and stop all this moping about.
Ed, I am sorry—I just ... C'mon you know this isn't easy for me. For as much self-worth I developed
while with Bill (if you remember our ﬁrst conversation in 1991) his death has left me lower than I
thought possible. I mean at least with him, I was an occasionally valuable appendage. But now? Not so
much. There are plenty of people who can give a solid take on Bill—even better than I can. Mostly
because they knew him longer. As for stopping belittling myself ... Well, I might as well stop breathing.
Heaven knows it would be easier.
Ed: A little self-loathing is good for the soul, as it puts the brakes on brazen egotism. But
a lot of self-loathing is bad because it inhibits the imagination and creative processes. I
know this isn't easy for you - but remember, we're just a phone call away - and I was
trained in Daseinanalysis. I coulda been a shrink, remember? And we will be a bit
Freudian here and blame Mother for most of your sorrows. Sartre once said that the
amount of happiness we experience as adults depends on a ﬁne line between what
childhood has allowed us and what it has denied us. Truer words were never spoken.
[27 Dec: Karen: Lucky for me I was too ornery to listen when my mother used to tell me
that I was doomed because I was "too smart" -- she said men don't like smart women, so
I'd never ﬁnd anyone to marry me. It was schizophrenic the way she acted about anyone I
dated - by her reasoning, anyone who would want me couldn't possibly be good enough
for me, since no worthwhile man could ever possibly want me.
27 Dec: Boy, that sounds familiar.
27 Dec: Karen: I thought it might.]
Ed, I'm not doing it to be frustrating, truly. I try to save my frustrating behavior for Dave. So I need less
self-loathing and Dave needs more?
Ed: Dave is the most "normal" person I know.
Hmm ... Karen, think we need to remind someone of his "creation" because of his "be like the boy"
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 18 of 75
Karen: LOL! I was thinking more that Ed calling someone "normal" is a dubious
compliment at best. I mean, what's "normal" to a werewolf?
ROTBL!! [27 Dec: I'm actually surprised neither has responded, yet.
27 Dec: Karen: I'm sure one is coming. :)
27 Dec: I'm hoping. I cannot believe that both Dave and Ed would follow Stephen's maturity in staying
above the fray.]
ShelVy: Your 'self-worth' is just that, Laurie - SELF! You don't give yourself credit for
your many accomplishments - both with AND without Bill. Look at it this way: You don't
get oysters out of a gold mine - you get GOLD. Only the gold hasta be there in the FIRST
place! No matter what Bill inspired you to do, it came from YOU! As for the
belittling...have you read much of Li'l Abner? There was a little character that would
sometimes show up with a cloud over him,
always being rained on. Are you gonna be
like him, only your cloud drips 'belittle'
'belittle' 'belittle' all over you? Would
make that a cartoon and do it with a
pufﬁn, but pufﬁns are too basically
ShelVy: Believe it or not, SURVIVING is
a great accomplishment for you! Then
you mentioned things that you did with
Bill's help that you were successful with. You had to have skill to be able to do whatever
that was, help or not. And don't put B&B down.
How is surviving an accomplishment? I'm so confused.
ShelVy: Surviving is the greatest accomplishment of all, Laurie!!! You have survived Dr
Idiot, for one thing, and that is a great accomplishment by itself! Then there's making
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 19 of 75
arrangements for the ramp, organizing our quorum, editing B&B, dealing with problems
as they arise ... all that is part of Surviving.
Okay, says she doubtfully.
ShelVy sent this to me a few days ago, and I have been pondering it a lot. I didn't realize how transparent
some—most—of my recent struggles have been. Given that ShelVy would only send me this out of
concern, it did aid in my decision to reach out to my friendly, no longer neighborhood, mental health
"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did." When God takes something
from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
Concentrate on this sentence: "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not
protect you." Something good will happen to you today, something that you have been waiting to hear.
Please do not break. Just 27 words, 'God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my
worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in your name, Amen.'
I just haven't decided how to practically apply it—yet.
Hope everyone is having a happy day. The monsters are enjoying their new toys—and are totally nipped
out. I'm enjoying my new light, and my little darlings
ordered me new hand splints so I don't have to tape
them on anymore.
Wyatt, meanwhile, bought an interesting gift for me:
M&Ms for the candy dispenser. It's interesting, as
one day, the M&Ms had a serious dent in them after I
poured in a 56-ounce bag, and watched as Wyatt,
Em, and Soph scarfed. Wyatt and Em, after 3 hours,
realized that over 1/2 the bag was gone, and both of
them grabbed Soph by the back of her shirt to stop
her from taking more. They were both whispering in
her ears and she stepped back, absolutely affronted:
"But homework makes me hungry!" Em stamped her
foot, and Wyatt retreated to the other side of the
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 20 of 75
table: "Sophia Paige! You're coloring a picture! That's not hard! Stop being a pig; you've eaten more
than Wyatt, and he's older than both of us combined!"
Karen: Love that story, LOL!
ShelVy: My most important gift was an optical mouse. The old one was too imprecise.
Got a MagLite ﬂashlight for when the power dies and when I wanna go outside at nite.
Also important were LOTS of batteries for different gadgets I own. But MOST important
was family. (Wish my online family coulda been here too.)
I wish we could have been, too.
Karen: Awww .... I wish so too. Enjoy your gifts!
Stephen: Merry Christmas indeed! I look forward to trying out my new lion throw on a
chilly January evening. And one of the gifts my Dad received sounds like a bad
Christmas song: "Daddy got a Toilet Seat for Christmas!"
What to get for the person who has everything.
Karen: LMAO! Was it one of those fancy heated seats?
Psst, Karen! Perfect gift to LYAO at....
Karen: LOL! Indeed!
Dave: So what did E. get me for Christmas, among other things? A book called 1,001
Movies to See Before You Die. I just spent two hours looking through it. At some point,
I'm going to have to mark off those ﬁlms too. This book goes from 1902 to 2010. I
haven't started the dot process, which will take a long time. But in looking through the
book - which is excellent - I'm at least at 400+ ﬁlms. I've seen only about 20 or 30 from
the late '90s to 2010, and surprisingly I'm deﬁcient in movies from the '60s. In the book,
there are a lot of foreign ﬁlms from that decade.
That was going to be one of Bill's presents this year. The irony was not lost on me; when the book
arrived, I sent it back.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 21 of 75
I called my mom's house, and said, "Hi, Ladies, it's Laurie. I wanted to wish all of you a Merry
Christmas, and to say thank you for the plant. It's very beautiful and I love it. I hope you had a good
day." I know the message was brief, and I know I didn't tell her that I loved her, and yes, I probably
should have; however, since her "I have no biological family" announcement, I'm feeling my way in the
ShelVy: And, of course, immediately hung up!
Didn't have to; I got the answering machine. The beneﬁts of Caller ID: she will not answer the phone if
it is me.
ShelVy: Ah! Better yet.
Karen: Did they ever call back to conﬁrm that they were the ones who sent it?
Karen: On the other hand, I take it they didn't reply saying they didn't send you any
plant. I know if someone thanked me for something I didn't send, I'd tell them that. So I
guess we can say it was conﬁrmed by lack of denial. Again, I am VERY glad your friends
were there to challenge him, and I urge you not to allow any unknown delivery people to
open your window ever again.
The only comment I've gotten is the one below; all seven words. Not going to, trust me. It's odd, and
very paranoid, but I keep feeling like I'm a target in this window. I've had this feeling since the 18th.
26 Dec: ShelVy: Not paranoid, just justiﬁably cautious!
26 Dec: Karen: Can you move farther away from the window, or put curtains over it?
My current plan—or ﬁrst resolution, if you will—is to be in the master bedroom NLT 01 January. Four
of us do not ﬁt in this twin-size hospital bed! I currently have Peep on my shoulder, Reep on my lap, and
Typo on my legs.
26 Dec: Karen: Excellent plan!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 22 of 75
26 Dec: The blind has been replaced six times in 24 months. The cats keep pulling it down. There is a
curtain, but I can't close it. I know I'm just being paranoid. I know I'm paranoid, but I just keep waiting
for a JFK kill shot.
26 Dec: Karen: Not really - anyone can see you there, and not everyone is a good
person. I'm glad you're planning your move to another room.
Okay ... My message was effusive compared to the email I received: "Hi, hope you had a nice
ShelVy: Well, it COULDA just been: "Merry Christmas!"
::giggle, snort:: I'm thinking poison ivy for Mother's Day ...
ShelVy: GREAT idea!!!
26 Dec: Ed: Poison Oak is prettier and less
distinguishable as such. And ten times worse than
26 Dec: ::guffaw::
27 Dec: Karen: I thought it was a helpful tip! ;)
27 Dec: Me too, actually.
Paige noted I wasn't being nice and that two wrongs don't
make a right. I told her I couldn't do it anyway. It wouldn't be fair to the plant. She just rolled her eyes
and said that I needed to still respect my mom. I opted to remain silent.
Karen: Tell her respect must be earned. I'm amazed you have anything at all to do with
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 23 of 75
Why are you amazed? I may not like what she does, but she is still my mother.
26 Dec: Karen: Because if she were my mother, I'd have written her off years ago. Just
because someone is related to you, doesn't mean you have to continue to allow them to
abuse you, and that's pretty much all she does.
26 Dec: Ah, that leads me back full-circle to what I'm explaining to Wyatt about bias in secondary
source material. Bill always said that while he loved my ability to trust and forgive when it came to him,
he wasn't sure it was a good trait in general.
26 Dec: Karen: He had a good point there. And I'd like to point out that in this case, it's
more than forgiving, you need to throw in a huge desire for self-preservation. She
clearly means you no good, and could easily harm you.
26 Dec: I know. And hence my new case of nerves.
"[CHORUS: Grandma got run over by a reindeer/Walking home from our house
Christmas eve/You can say there's no such thing as Santa/But as for me and Grandpa, we
believe]//She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog/And we'd begged her not to go/But she'd
left her medication/So she stumbled out the door into the snow//When they found her
Christmas mornin'/At the scene of the attack/There were hoof prints on her forehead/And
incriminatin' Claus marks on her back//[CHORUS]//Now were all so proud of Grandpa/
He's been takin' this so well/See him in there watchin' football/Drinkin' beer and playin'
cards with cousin Belle//It's not Christmas without Grandma/All the family's dressed in
black/And we just can't help but wonder/Should we open up her gifts or send them
back? //[CHORUS]//Now the goose is on the table/And the pudding made of pig/And a
blue and silver candle/That would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig//I've
warned all my friends and neighbors/Better watch out for yourselves/They should never
give a license/To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves//[CHORUS]" (Elmo
and Patsy, "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer")
I'm trying very hard to not be depressed, but, it seems like the harder I try, the more depressed I am. I
hope part of it is the pseudo-pneumonia. I lost another argument with Cookie, which doesn't help. I
know she's trying to help, but I think she's seeing me as a responsibility, and that is just disturbing.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 24 of 75
The argument with Cookie was over the ramp. She pointed out that the moveable ramp could stay out,
so, moving it isn't a requirement. That would allow me to go shopping, to a real doctor, and, almost,
have my own life. I'm not happy that she wants to give me the amount needed in the form of a 100
month—or more—loan. In this case, the difference is that with the moveable one, no permits are
required, and it doesn't have to be rolled up. And, the moveable one doesn't have to wait for the ground
Karen: What's the cost difference?
Negligible. It's about $300 less.
Karen: Oh, well then you might as well get the portable one.
"We hear the beating of wings over Bethlehem and a light that is not of the sun or of the
stars shines in the midnight sky. Let the beauty of the story take away all narrowness, all
thought of formal creeds. Let it be remembered as a story that has happened again and
again, to men of many different races, that has been expressed through many religions,
that has been called by many different names. Time and space and language lay no
limitations upon human brotherhood." (The New York Times, 25 December 1937)
Monday, 26 December: Happy Boxing Day! Happy St. Stephen's Day! Today's winner of the Feline
Daybreak 500: Mom, as all athletes were still too high on catnip to participate. Fines imposed.
Weather Factoid: If Christmas day was bright and clear/There’ll be two winters in the year. [Wait,
aren't there always two winters in a year: one holdover and one new?]
Ponderence of the Day: "It's a pleasure when you have mightily neighbourly neighbours, as was proved
to me last week when eight of us sat down together for a pre-Christmas lunch. Although it's really
nothing but chance that throws neighbours together, life is much better when you know (and like) the
people who live around you. The restaurant where we ate had thoughtfully provided Christmas crackers.
A nice touch. The jokes in them were funny, too. Not the jokes themselves, mind you. (They rarely are.)
No, it was more the fact that every last one of our crackers contained the same identical joke. Repetition
aside, my point is that spending time like this with other people never really seems like 'spending'.
Enjoying is a much better way of putting it. So any excuse, basically. Get together with others, whenever
and wherever. It's a brilliant time of the year to congregate. And oh yes, if your cracker has/had the joke
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 25 of 75
below, you're already in good company. There's been a lot of them around this year apparently. Q. Why
did the bank robber take a bath? A. So he could make a clean getaway. Thank you."
Goal for the Day: Read books to relax.
"Good King Wenceslas last looked out,/On the feast of Stephen,/When the snow lay
round about/Deep and crisp and even./Brightly shone the moon that night/Though the
frost was cruel,/When a poor man came in sight/Gathering winter fuel." (Christmas
ShelVy, an interesting rough page count thus far for you: 187. December B&B ishs: #007: 40 pp. (IN);
#008: 42 pp. (REVIEW; NLT 12:01AM PT on 12/29); #009: 41 pp. (REVIEW; NLT 11:59PM PT
01/05); #010: 39 pp. (REVIEW; NLT 12:01AM PT on 01/05); #011: 39 pp. (REVIEW; NLT 12:01AM
PT on 01/09); and #012: 15 pp. (current ish). [28 Dec: Since #011 reached 50 pages unedited, a ﬁfth
issue is necessary.] And that page count does not
include YGC #001 or the three (?) January B&Bs.
ShelVy: As I sed, B&BAPA <g>
ShelVy: In all seriousness, it's an available
outlet for a worthy cause! We shouldn't knock
it. And <g> it's much cheaper than a
Bill was good.
"On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: two Turtle Doves and a
Partridge in a Pear Tree."
Tutoring Wyatt today at least gave me some fun. Explaining bias in secondary source materials was
entertaining. I asked him if his dad could write about his (Wyatt's) life in detail. "Well, yeah!" was the
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 26 of 75
I quirked my eyebrow and asked if his dad really knew about everything Wyatt did, or just what he got
"Oh, well, maybe not."
I then asked him if he thought his dad would want to tell everyone about everything Wyatt may have
done, or just the good things.
"Well, it would probably be the good things."
And that, my dear lad, is bias: a person retelling known parts of a person's life to give a one-sided
picture of the person. I was told that I made a lot
more sense than his teacher.
I'm still giggling over his initial deﬁnition of Quran:
hairstyle worn by Chinese men.
ShelVy: Good explanation of bias!!! And
absolutely loved his deﬁnition of the
Quran ... Queue ... He ﬁgured he was close!
Karen: LOL! Sounds like tutoring Wyatt
should be good for you too!
It is. I love working with kids of all ages.
ShelVy: HEY! That 'kids of all ages' explains why you work with me!!
Karen: And Dave! :)
::shudder:: and Dave ... and Ed ... Hmm, I guess Stephen's the only adult male in the loop.
ShelVy: Well, we can't ALL be perfect! <g>
Dave: I think you're overestimating Stephen's maturity.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 27 of 75
At least you didn't think I underestimated yours! <g>
Dave: Certainly not.
"December ﬁnds himself again a child/Even as he undergoes his age./Cold and early
darkness now descends,/Embracing sanctuaries of delight./More and more he stares into
the night,/Becoming less and less concerned with ends,/Emblem of the innocent as sage/
Restored to wonder by what he must yield." (Nicholas Gordon)
It's Karen's turn to humor the SQ:
An older couple, Ray and Bessie, live in Texas. Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.
Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house
and says to his wife: "Notice anything different about me?"
Bessie looks him over, "Nope."
Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked
except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT
Bessie looks up and says, "Ray, what's different: It's hanging down today,
it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING
DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING
AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!"
To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Ray. Shoulda bought a
ShelVy: LOVE IT! Mind if I share it online with other friends?
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 28 of 75
Karen: Sure, pass it around - I got it from another friend. :)
ShelVy: <g> Thanx!
Stephen: And I thought I heard them all. It reminds me of the older couple who were
getting ready for a Halloween party and she comes out naked except for a pair of
boots. He says, "Good costume, let me get mine." He comes out naked except for a frying
pan strapped to his waist and hanging in front of him. "Who the heck are you supposed
to be?" she says. "Well if you can go as Puss in Boots, I guess I can go as Peter Pan."
"Senseless is the breast and cold/Which relenting love would fold;/Bloodless are the
veins and chill/Which the pulse of pain did ﬁll;/Every little living nerve/That from bitter
words did swerve/Round the tortur'd lips and brow,/Are like sapless leaﬂets now/Frozen
upon December's bough." (Percy Bysshe Shelley, Lines Written Among the Euganean
Now on algebra with Wyatt. Not a good subject for him; one problem and his answer: 14 = -d + 7; d = -7
when I asked him what seven minus seven was, he replied, "Zero, I'm not that dumb, Laur, honest!"
"I know, Love, I just wanted to make sure you knew that you didn't solve the equation" and I waited.
"Well, shi shoot me now! That was dumb."
He was more amused when I called Ed, as he was trying to ﬁgure out why his teacher would ask how I
was feeling. I got a better laugh when I told him I knew Ed was a better math student than I was.
Wyatt tapped his pencil on his teeth, thinking. "Because he isn't a writer and doesn't have the left brain/
right brain problem that Bill talked about?"
"No, because he worked for the IRS."
"Oh, man! Dad's gonna kill me!"
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 29 of 75
"Wyatt, I'm just making sure we have the right answer in that there isn't a numerical answer, just the
rewriting of the formula."
"Yeah, but then he'll audit us, and Dad said that
I'm still giggling.
Karen: LOL! Sounds like you're enjoying it.
Yes, Wyatt left a few minutes ago, complaining of
ShelVy: <g> :-)) LOL
Karen: Probably more like brain full, LOL!
ShelVy: You got that right, Karen!
"Come, bring with a noise,/My merry, merry boys,/The Christmas Log to the ﬁring;/
While my good Dame, she/Bids ye all be free;/And drink to your heart's desiring.//With
the last year's brand/Light the new block, and/For good success in his spending,/On your
Psaltries play,/That sweet luck may/Come while the log is a-tinding.//Drink now the
strong beer,/Cut the white loaf here,/The while the meat is a-shredding;/For the rare
mince-pie/And the plums stand by/To ﬁll the paste that's a-kneading." (Robert Herrick,
Ceremonies for Christmas)
Tuesday, 27 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: No one, all were huddled on the
bed with me.
Ponderence of the Day: "It's not easy to dine at my table. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit that it (my
dining room table) nearly always holds heaving heaps of my general ongoing 'stuff'. Bills to pay. Books
to read. Magazines to pass on. Pens. Rubber bands. Just stacks and stacks of stuff which for some reason
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 30 of 75
cries out to be left in plain view. Now and again (all too rarely though) I tidy it up, and I have to
acknowledge that for a few days afterwards it's a pleasure to behold. Instead of visual pandemonium
there's a sense of calm, a suggestion of order. As I write this I'm wondering why I don't clear it more
often? It doesn't take more than a few minutes, and the reward is substantial in proportion to the
investment. I suppose it's because there are always other more 'important', more 'urgent' things to do.
Yet what, at its heart, could be more important than feeling good in yourself? Surely when you're in a
better environment, you can be—well—a better person? So is there some small place to which you can
restore order today? I'll tidy mine if you'll tidy yours."
Goal for the Day: Build conﬁdence.
"On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: three French Hens, two Turtle
Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree."
Well, crap. At 12:05AM/11:05PM (ET/CT), I had called Ed, mostly just because my migraine meds
weren't working, my cough was irritating me, and, in general, I felt like I had been worked over with a
baseball bat. And then I started coughing. Only this time, I was having a lot of problems catching my
breath. Ed made me promise I would call 911. Which, I did. (I really, really, really wish Bill would not
have told the werewolf my Achilles' heel: making a promise is, to me, a sacred bond and if I make a
promise, I must carry it out.)
Karen: Sorry to hear about the coughing ﬁts, but VERY glad to hear EMTs are on the
way.Take care of yourself!
ShelVy: TAKE CARE!!!
While the WLTFD was outside looking for the access box (22 minutes!), I had several more coughing
sessions that the EMTs were not pleased about. Once inside, one of the ones I remembered, took my
blood pressure (130/80) and was really not happy. He grabbed the notebook with my daily readings in it,
looked at the last week, and announced I was going to the ER and I had no choice in the matter, other
than which ER, unless I didn't chose Huron Valley Hospital, (HVH), 7.1 miles away.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 31 of 75
I'm baaaaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk! Good news: not pneumonia. Bad news: Bronchitis. Alarming news: my
BP stabilized at a "low" of 148/68; the highest while I was at HVH: 172/117. Interesting news: Shortly
after I was admitted, Dr. Bali (ER attending) came by and looked twice. "I remember you! Last July!"
He looked around, slightly puzzled. "Where's your husband?" I explained, and he expressed
condolences, and then had the RN bring up my ﬁle. He then said, frighteningly enough, that paying
attention to my tone was as important as my words, if I was the patient he remembered. That assessment
was in my ﬁle. I think I really do want to see my "permanent record." I know that my claustrophobia
was listed, as they kept my curtain open so I could see the ER.
ShelVy: Glad you're back, Laurie - Guess the 'good news' kinda outweighs the 'bad
news', but it's still 'bad'. Did they give any meds for the bronchitis? IS there any med for
Well, having bronchitis makes me very glad that I don't have pneumonia.
Karen: There deﬁnitely are meds for bronchitis, but they don't always want to give them
to you. Did they put you on a nebulizer in the hospital, or give you an inhaler to use at
Nebulizer at the hospital, and a script for an inhaler. Primary concern, though, was less my lungs and
more my cough, since my lungs—as of the x-ray—are still clear. As for meds, Paige took my script to
Meijer's for azithromycin, "a subclass of macrolide antibiotics, is used to treat or prevent certain
bacterial infections, most often those causing middle ear infections, strep throat, pneumonia, typhoid,
and sinusitis. In recent years, it has been used primarily to prevent bacterial infections in infants and
those with weaker immune systems."
According to WebMD: "If you have no other health problems, experts recommend that antibiotics not be
used for acute bronchitis. Whether your doctor prescribes antibiotics and what type depend on the type
of infection you have, your age, any other medical conditions you have [in my case, auto immune
deﬁciency], and your risk of complications from acute bronchitis, such as pneumonia. ... Research on
antibiotics and acute bronchitis reports that: Antibiotics reduce coughing slightly, but most people who
have bronchitis improve without antibiotics. In people who also have symptoms of a common cold but
have no signs of pneumonia, antibiotics generally are not effective."
Karen: Hey, any chance of you getting that doctor for your regular doctor? He at least
pays attention and remembers stuff!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 32 of 75
ShelVy: EXCELLENT suggestion! But he isn't 'a better doctor'; he's a REAL doctor,
unlike Dr Idiot!
Only if I want to go to the ER once a month. He was not happy that he called Dr. Idiot at 1:45AM, and
had a nurse call every ﬁfteen minutes thereafter, and at my release at 5:11AM, she still hadn't responded
ShelVy: Interesting how well the doctor remembered you! And, yes, WOULD be interesting to
see your medical records. Take care!!!
One of the nurses noted that I'm entertaining without being obnoxious, and since the medical staff is
bewildered by my health, I do tend to tickle memories. For example, the problem with the "I had a
stroke theory" is that while my whole body has issues, my right arm and left leg are the worst affected.
Stroke damage tends to be same sided. Then there's the legs collapsing without any advanced warning
for mid-December 2009 until late-February 2010;
there were no deﬁnitive test results as to what
caused the problem. Plus, it was noted, that my
sense of humor—as opposed to hysterics—is
And, of greater amusement to the staff, I try to be
helpful. For example, at 3:15AM, while the ER
was essentially shut down due to the arrival of a
single GSW to the head, an idiot patient went
wandering. The kid—19YO—had been brought in
by the Commerce Township Police Department
after observing him as "under the inﬂuence." He
steadily rejected the charge, based on the fact that
he hadn't had a drink all night. The nurse said that that was a good thing, since he's two years from legal
age. She was then handed a baggie by one of the ofﬁcers, she looked at it, and asked him how many he
took and where the bottle was. His reply: "Six, and how the *F* should I know, since I just bought 'em!"
The CTPD ofﬁcers started laughing, as did the nurse in my room and me. Idiot boy then threw his cell
phone at one of the ofﬁcers for laughing at him, and informed the ER at large that he was going to kick
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 33 of 75
ass and take names. The HVH security guard cuffed him to the bed and wished him luck. The CTPD
ofﬁcers left, taking his phone, witness statements, and leaving a stack of citations.
Right before the GSW came in, they released him to use the facilities. Then, while everyone was
distracted, the kid took up a space behind the desk to ﬁnd someone to come get him so he could leave.
The nurse chivvied him back to his room and returned to the desk with his shoes and shirt and put them
in a locked locker. The nurse then came in to check on me when she heard me barking coughing. I
looked at her, and nodded toward the kid's room: "No shirt, no shoes, no service?"
"Oh, good, the meds are working on your pain levels, too!"
Twenty minutes later, when things were settling down a bit, the staff was in panic-mode as the kid had—
once again—vanished. I called over one of them and said one word: "bathroom." The nurse looked at
me, and said, "Thank heaven for claustrophobia!"
"Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;/And each separate dying ember
wrought its ghost upon the ﬂoor./Eagerly, I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to
borrow/From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—/For the rare
and radiant maiden who the angels name Lenore—/Nameless here for evermore." (Edgar
Allan Poe, The Raven)
I received a very puzzling request; at least, it's puzzling me. One email I received while at HVH, came in
from at least four servers, and I can't track who it may be in reality.
"Laurie, I'm reading Bed & Bored with interest, and would like to join in some of your discussions. You
may just refer to me as YC. Of course, you could call me the Omnipotent Ghost of Fandoms Past,
Present, and Future, but, I'll give you time to put your sleuthing skills to work. Best, YC."
I've added YC to the mini-SQ, but I am puzzled.
"I speak cold silent words a stone might speak/If it had words or consciousness,/Watching
December moonlight on the mountain peak,/Relieved of mortal hungers, the whole mess/
Of needs, desires, ambitions, wishes, hopes./This stillness in me knows the sky's abyss,/
Reﬂected by blank snow along bare slopes,/If it had words or consciousness,/Would echo
what a thinking stone might say/To praise oblivion words can't possess/As inorganic
muteness goes its way./There's no serenity without the thought serene,/Owl-ﬂight without
spread wings, honed eyes, hooked beak,/Absence without the meaning absence means./
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 34 of 75
To rescue bleakness from the bleak,/I speak cold silent words a stone might
speak." (Robert Pack, Stone Thoughts)
It's Ed's turn to humor the SQ: "I came across an article my friend and I wrote while in college. Hope
you ﬁnd it funny, and if you are offended, so much the better! :)"
The Lost Book of Exodus
Chapter 1: Israel Multiplies. Moses born; he befriends two Hebrews.
01 And the Egyptians compelled the sons of Israel to labor rigorously.
02 And the sons of Israel were fruitful, and increased greatly, and became exceedingly
03 So Pharaoh commanded his people to throw every newborn son into the Nile.
04 And one day Pharaoh's daughter found a basket containing a child among the reeds of the
river. And she had pity on him and said, "This is a child of the Hebrews.”
05 And she took the child, and raised him, and called him Moses.
06 And one day, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his brethren and looked on their
hard labors. And he beheld two Hebrews ﬁghting with each other, and he said to them
"Cut the rumpus or I'll moida the both of yah!"
07 And the offender, a squat man with a high voice, said "You don't scare me!" And he stuck
out his tongue and said, "Nyaaaaa!"
08 And Moses grabbed his tongue, and he twisted it, and he pulled him several yards by it.
09 And the other Hebrew—a man with a raspy voice and strange hair—laughed mightily.
And Moses smote him on the head and tore out a handful of hair.
10 Then Moses poked their eyes and knocked their heads together.
11 Now these are the names of the Hebrews whom Moses did befriend
12 Curly, son of Asher and Prancer, brother of Punch and Judah, ﬁrst cousin to E. Gad, and
distant descendant of Ramses of Los Angeles.
13 Larry, son of Hirah and Hooray, Hocus and Pocus, and cousin of Esau, Ecame, and
14 And both had come from the districts of Midian, Midian-rare, and Midian-well.
Chapter 2: The Boining Bush
01 Now Moses, Larry, and Curly set up a business wherein they sold their services for
pasturing other Hebrew's ﬂocks.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 35 of 75
02 And one day when they were shearing sheep, when Curly by accident sheared off some of
Larry's hair, Larry grew angry, and lunged for him, but Moses bade them stop, and smote
them both on the head.
03 And Moses sat down, but upon the shears that Curly had left beneath him, and Moses
screamed, and he said, "Why, I'll break your heads!" And he chased them into the ﬁeld.
04 And there the angel of the Lord appeared to them in a blazing ﬁre from the midst of a
05 And Curly said, "Ooh, look! A boining bush! Nyuk-nyuk!"
06 And Moses said, "Quiet, you lame-brain!" and smote him on the head.
07 And then them became frightened, and turned to run, and the Lord saw, and he called to
them from the midst of the bush, saying, "Hey, Moses! Hey Larry! Hey, Curly!"
08 And they said, "Nyah-ah-ah-ah!"
09 And the Lord said, "Do not come near here; remove your sandals from your feet, for the
place on which you stand is holy ground."
10 And Larry said, "I'll say it is! And look at all them rocks, too!"
11 And Curly laughed, and Moses smote them with a double slap.
12 And the Lord said, "I have seen the oppression of my people by the Egyptians. Therefore,
to bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt, I will send ... you!"
13 And they were unsure as to who "you" was.
14 And Moses looked at Larry, and Larry looked at Curly, and Curly—who saw he had no
one to to look at—trembled and clicked his teeth loudly.
15 And Moses said, "Which 'you' do You mean?"
16 And the Lord said, "You!"
17 And Moses said, "I?"
18 And Larry said, "Aye!"
19 And Curly said, "Aye-aye!" and the three Hebrews began saluting each other vigorously.
20 And the Lord said, "Cut it out!" and they did, and He continued, "Now go and gather the
elders of Israel together, and say to them, 'The Lord has appeared to us, saying He will
bring you out of Egypt and into the land of Canaan—a land overﬂowing with sweets!'"
21 And Curly said, "Oh! A candy Canaan! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!" And Moses smote him in the
stomach, and Curly bent over and Moses smote him on the head.
Stephen: Oh LOOK! IT's MOses!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 36 of 75
Dave: Gave me a good laugh.
ShelVy: : O) : O)) LOL!!! Mind if I send it around?
Ed: Please, be my guest.
ShelVy: Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!!
"This is what I have heard/at last the wind in December/lashing the old trees with rain/
unseen rain racing along the tiles/under the moon/wind rising and falling/wind with many
clouds/trees in the night wind." (W. S. Merwin)
I just got a call from Wyatt's dad. "Why was there an ambulance in your driveway, at 5:15AM? I wanted
to stop, but I was running late. I asked our Moms, but they were clueless and said they were going back
"Danno, I told you she said I wasn't her family."
"Well, I ... I just ... It isn't right! So are you all right?"
"Just bronchitis, Danno, I'll be ﬁne."
"Should I tell them if they ask?"
"If they ask, Danno, you have my permission to tell
"And, oh yeah, I found out why you and Bill call ... called ... I found out where you got that nickname;
it's on the Hawaii Five-O show that's on! But, you've used it since 2005, so they copied you ... somehow.
It must have been one of Bill's contacts in California, hunh?"
"Or from the original series in the '60s. Either ... or."
"There's another show that uses that name? Wow! Okay, my break's over. I'll call you later!"
Karen: How old is he? Even my son knows "Book 'em Danno," and Hawaii 5-0.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 37 of 75
Danno's, I think, two years older than me.
Karen: ::shakes head:: Did he never watch tv?
ShelVy: ... and of course she'll never ask ... <g>
But Marilyn might.
YC: true ...
Danno was slick as they were picking up the little boys from the house: "Wyatt, remind me to stop at
Meijer's to get some cough meds, since you were with Laur yesterday, and she's not concerned about
herself, but that she didn't want one of her favorite nephews or new nieces in the ER over this."
Our two moms: "Laurie's sick?"
Danno: "Yes, the EMS crew brought her home early this morning. I talked to her to see if there was
anything that she needed a member of the family to help with, and she did have one favor that Wyatt and
I are going to do for her. So, since Bill's beyond helping and Jimmy's not here, I guess she needs a big
brother to step in."
They then turned to Wyatt: "You were with her yesterday?"
"Yeah, Laur and I were together almost ﬁve hours getting my assignments done. I was really concerned
about her, so I claimed brain drain, 'cause, well, she was really pale, and sweating, and sounded like she
was really miserable. She did scare me when I caught her rubbing her left arm and chest, but she said I
had other things to worry about than her."
Danno then called me to tell me to expect a call, based on the looks that he and Wyatt were studiously
And, dear ghoddess, I got one! "Why were the EMTs at your house this morning?"
"They brought me home from the ER."
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 38 of 75
"Why were you at the ER?"
"Because I was having trouble breathing after a bad coughing spell and I promised someone I would call
911. I kept my promise, as I am prone to do."
"So, what's wrong with you?"
"Fortunately, it's only bronchitis."
"I was concerned that I had pneumonia after last week's visit."
"'Last week's visit?' Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't they call me? I am your only real next of kin!"
"No, you said you no longer had a biological family as you didn't want to deal with your adult children's
ingratitude, so, in accordance with your statement, you are no longer on any of my emergency contact
"Did you get your plant?"
"I said that I did, and that I liked it, when I called on Christmas."
"Oh, Kathi must have erased your message."
[Uh, no, she didn't.] "Gee, I thought Kathi was nicer than that!"
"So, how is Wyatt doing in school?"
For the remainder of the nine-minute, 57-second conversation, discussion was kept to Wyatt and the
YC: Sounds typical of her. Coulda been worse!
"In drear-nighted December,/Too happy, happy tree,/Thy branches ne'er remember/Their
green felicity:/The north cannot undo them/With a sleety whistle through them;/Nor
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 39 of 75
frozen thawings glue them/From budding at the prime.//In drear-nighted December,/Too
happy, happy brook,/Thy bubblings ne'er remember/Apollo's summer look;/But with a
sweet forgetting,/They stay their crystal fretting,/Never, never petting/About the frozen
time.//Ah! would 'twere so with many/A gentle girl and boy!/But were there ever any/
Writhed not at passed joy?/The feel of not to feel it,/When there is none to heal it/Nor
numbed sense to steel it,/Was never said in rhyme." (John Keats, In Drear-Nighted
Page 39 ... It means I miscalculated on how proliﬁc we would be. Ah well. Time to send this to the SQ:
ShelVy: Looks great to me.
Karen: Very good!
Wednesday, 28 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Esmerelda.
Ponderence of the Day: "Fenton! Fenton!! Fenton!!! I'm sure you've seen the YouTube video featuring
an excitable black Labrador 'rounding up' the deer in Richmond Park on the fringes of London. If you
haven't, just type 'fenton' (the dog's name) YouTube and join the millions who have. (There are some
inspired parodies of the original there too.) It's oddly compelling to watch a lone off-the-leash dog chase
so many deer, much to the huge consternation of his owner, although I think it's important to stress that
no animals were harmed in the making of ... etc. Wouldn't it be brilliant if you could see off unwanted
thoughts that effectively? Imagine a Fenton who'd race into your mind and—at the speed of a ﬂeeing
roebuck—all those negative gnawings would be gone. Nice idea? For sure, but why shouldn't this be
more than an idle notion? Now and then I wake up with (stupid) bad thoughts churning away inside me,
and it helps—it really does—to physically tell them to go away. Daft as it may sound, saying 'Go away
bad thoughts' out loud (a friend simply says 'Stop') honestly can work. You've far more control over your
mind than you may realise, and the power of visualisation can be immense. So watch dear old (naughty
old) Fenton on YouTube, then imagine him sending your negative thinking packing. You never know, it
might just work. Fenton!!!!"
Goal for the Day: Clean up 'psychological pollution.' See the 'positive' in events.
"On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: four Calling Birds, three
French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree."
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 40 of 75
From Wikipedia: Massacre of the Innocents: In Spain, Hispanic America, and the Philippines, December
28 is a day for pranks, equivalent to April Fool's Day in many countries. Pranks (bromas) are also
known in Spain as inocentadas and their victims are called inocentes, or alternatively, the pranksters are
the inocentes and the victims should not be angry at them, since they could not have committed any sin.
One of the more famous of these traditions is the annual Els Enfarinats festival of Ibi in Alicante, where
the inocentadas dress up in full military dress and incite a ﬂour ﬁght [great picture of this year's event.]
Various Catholic countries had a tradition (no longer widely observed) of role reversal between children
and their adult educators, including boy bishops, perhaps a Christianized version of the Roman annual
feast of the Saturnalia (when even slaves played "masters" for a day). In some cultures it is said to be an
unlucky day, when no new project should be started. In addition, there was a medieval custom of
refraining where possible from work on the day of the week on which the feast of "Innocents Day" had
fallen for the whole of the following year until the next Innocents Day. This was presumably mainly
observed by the better-off. Philippe de Commynes, the minister of King Louis XI of France, tells in his
memoirs how the king observed this custom, and describes the trepidation he felt when he had to inform
the king of an emergency on the day.
"Holly and mistletoe/Candles and bells,/I know the message/That each of you
tells." (Leland B. Jacobs, Mrs. Ritters First Grade Critters)
Fun thing to do for the day: The 'eeps are playing laser light tag in the dark.
Karen: LOL! Sounds fun!
For the moment, they have exhausted themselves and are asleep on the bed.
ShelVy: See, Laurie? THAT'S how to get to sleep! <g>
Uhm ... Okay. It's also an excellent way to end up in the hospital after I fall out of bed to drag myself
around on the ﬂoor to chaser a little red dot emanating from the device between my teeth. Gee, Shel, I
thought you liked me! And you realize, after I explained what was going on, I'd be involuntarily
committed, right? ::grin::
"The lakes of ice gleam bluer than the lakes/Of water 'neath the summer sunshine
gleamed:/Far fairer than when placidly it streamed,/The brook its frozen architecture
makes,/And under bridges white its swift way takes./Snow comes and goes as messenger
who dreamed/Might linger on the road; or one who deemed/His message hostile gently
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 41 of 75
for their sakes/Who listened might reveal it by degrees./We gird against the cold of winter
wind/Our loins now with mighty bands of sleep,/In longest, darkest nights take rest and
ease,/And every shortening day, as shadows creep/O'er the brief noontide, fresh surprises
ﬁnd." (Helen Hunt Jackson, A Calendar of Sonnets: December)
It's ShelVy's turn to humor the SQ:
A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you
know?" He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
"Like snowﬂakes, my Christmas memories gather and dance—each beautiful, unique and
too soon gone." (Deborah Whipp)
I'm letting Typo amuse me. He had a seizure this morning, and, as I was calming him down, I put him in
his new harness. The 'eeps have had their new ones on for a little over two weeks, Esme's has been on
her since Christmas. The new harnesses all have bells, so, for the last two weeks, Typo's been tracking
his sibs by noise. Now that he has on his, he's tracking himself and not liking it one bit. So, he takes two
steps, whirls around hissing, then whirls back around, trying to ﬁgure out who is tracking him.
"A full moon shines/over the morning frost;/the lanes are full of late-fallen leaves;/
walking across the mulch/is almost as tricky/as treading over ice.//In town the carol-
singers are in/crowding the shopping-mall,/while a group of mufﬂed musicians/play by
the outside market.//This year but two robins/on the early Christmas cards;/the squirrel
still runs along the fence/skirting our newly-erected shed." (Gerald England, Mid-
Apparently, our new SQ member wants to be right in the midst of everything.
YC: Laurie, since ShelVy's humor was brief, why don't you share THIS eye candy?
Remember the satellite that recently was going to drop a 300 lb. chunk—somewhere—
maybe Canada, maybe India, maybe Washington State—but "somewhere?" And, there
was "only a 1/3200 chance" it would injure someone? Then, NASA announced it had
fallen to earth but they didn't know where. Well, here's the straight skinny.
"Before the end of December, generally, they experience their ﬁrst thawing. Those which
a month ago were sour, crabbed, and quite unpalatable to the civilized taste, such at least
as were frozen while sound, let a warmer sun come to thaw them, for they are extremely
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 42 of 75
sensitive to its rays, are found to be ﬁlled with a rich, sweet cider, better than any bottled
cider that I know of, and with which I am better acquainted than with wine. All apples
are good in this state, and your jaws are the cider-press." (Henry David Thoreau, Wild
I must just be really, really, really susceptible to earworms. During Typo's seizures earlier today, he
scratched the hell out of my arms and hands. Now, all I hear over the roar of my migraine is Ted
Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever," which is even more disturbing, considering that the whole song is a
ShelVy: OHHHH! Sorry 'bout that. BOTH 'that's.
"That's no December sky!/Surely 'tis June/Holds now her state on high/Queen of the
noon.//Only the tree-tops bare/Crowning the hill,/Clear-cut in perfect air,/Warn us that
still//Winter, the aged chief,/Mighty in power,/Exiles the tender leaf,/Exiles the
ﬂower." (Robert Fuller Murray, A December Day)
Thursday, 29 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Tie: The 'eeps.
Ponderence of the Day: "German was my worst subject at school. In fact, so dreadful was I at it that the
examiner for the oral stage of the evaluation took pity on me and ended up resorting to chatting in
English after he realised that trying to have 'ein Gesprach' was a pretty lost cause. With one or two
exceptions, most will have had weak subjects in their school days. Subjects that for one reason or
another they just didn't get. Fortunately however, the majority of us also had counter-balancing
strengths. Subjects we loved and enjoyed, probably because we were good at them—maybe even
excelled at. In my case my strengths were generally extra-curricular. I was an organiser of things, and an
inveterate publisher of magazines too. Luckily I had some superb teachers who encouraged these
sideshow activities, and very possibly it's why you have Moodscope today. But just imagine what might
have happened if they'd prohibited me from doing the things I was good at, forcing me instead to
struggle on with my dodgy Deutsch. Quite certainly you'll possess strengths of your own and if you're
lucky you'll be able to make the most of them. However if there's something you're great at but are not
actually doing, I urge you please to ﬁnd a way to make a few changes so you are. Recognise your
strengths, then make the most of them. Shine on."
Goal for the Day: Practice a relaxation technique daily.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 43 of 75
"On the ﬁfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: ﬁve Golden Rings, four Calling
Birds, three French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree."
Everything just sucks! I feel like a little kid on restriction. Paige has decreed no wheelchair until I go
through the stuff on the side of the bed, which I have no problem doing, but from my position in bed I
can't move the two bookstands and nightstand away from the bed so I can go through the stuff.
Not to mention the fact, that I keep trying to push the bed away from the window, since I keep
banging my elbow on it. In fact, I'm wondering if the claustrophobia that I'm feeling is
contributing to my not-being able to sleep—when I do get a cat-nap, I wake up gasping
for air and feeling like I've been in a hole.
I also have been told that until the extra inch of plywood is put under
the mattress, I can't move into the bedroom.
And, CorFlu may be out of the
question, just in getting from here
to there. I've argued with the airline
and am now arguing with the FAA (can you be put on a no ﬂy list for pointing out
violations of the ADA?); I'm now embroiled in a discussion with Amtrak/Greyhound.
I want Bill back. I want my life back. And yes, I know that I don't get to have either.
ShelVy: "If wishes were horses ..." and "if 'if's and 'ands' were pots and pans' ... But I'm
not saying that to make fun of you, Laurie; it's my feeble attempt to lighten the situation,
much as I can. With all the 'handicap' laws that have been passed, how can the airlines
pull that stuff??? Greyhound would be VERY tiring, it would take so long. But I have no
suggestions. Wish I COULD think of something... Luck!!!
I know you weren't making fun of me, honest.
The airline's concern is that if the plane crashes, there might not be anyone alive to remove me from the
wreckage to save me, since I can't stand up and be counted. Here's the entertaining part with Amtrak/
Greyhound: after a quick stop at the Vegas depot, the train continues to LA, where you have to get on a
bus to go back to the Vegas train depot to be dropped off.
ShelVy: Now THAT makes a lot of sense! Almost as sensible as our government ...
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 44 of 75
Yeah, I was mildly amused. I pointed out to the airline that if everyone was dead, it was pretty fair to say
I would be also. They then tried to point out the dangers of a water crash. Yeah, I guess we could land in
the water and everyone could drown and not
help me to safety, but, in fairness, I'm not really
pondering the difﬁculty in treading water!
ShelVy: I can sum their rules up with
one hyphenated word: Hooo-EEEE!!!
Hence my going to the FAA.
ShelVy: The AAA? Okay, Laurie - But
I can tell you from personal experience
you'd get better results contacting your
senator! - Well, in addition to the AAA.
Since AAA is governmental, in a way
the senators and congressmen are over
I had trouble with Medicare telling me, after my auto accident, that I needed to REPAY
Medicare becos insurance paid a lot of it (which is true - but still left much unpaid!) I
wrote my senator and he got things straightened out pretty quickly. Won't hurt! <g>
AAA? I think only Ghod is over them. But yes, Senator Levin is on my list of people to call if the FAA
can't help me.
ShelVy: AAA, FAA ... aarrrrghhh! At least you unnerstood what I meant! <g>
I did, you just caught me in a silly moment. Typo is now desperately trying to remove the bell on his
harness to the point that he is now directing his hissing at the bell, while his siblings give him wide
ShelVy: Silly moments are Ghood, Laurie! <g>
"Lighting one candle/from another—/Winter night" (Buson)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 45 of 75
Resolutions Versus Goals
By Maria Gracia, Get Organized Now!
I've asked many people this week what they thought about New Year's Resolutions and goals. Most
people told me they didn't believe in setting resolutions, but most of those same people revealed that
they believe in setting goals. But when I asked them what the difference was between the two, most
people could not say.
Whether you set a resolution, or whether you set a goal,
you're making a promise to yourself. So, they're the same,
There are three big problems with the way most people set
resolutions, speciﬁcally New Year's resolutions.
1) They are often half-hearted, vague, empty promises, such
as resolving to trim up, save more money, spend more time
with family and so on.
2) They rarely include any sort of deadline.
3) They can rarely be measured, so you never see your
progress. At this point, most people say 'resolutions don't
work' and give up on them by January 4th or 5th—maybe even sooner.
In contrast, a goal is a promise to yourself that will help you get to where you want to be in life. A goal
made properly is always speciﬁc, always includes a deadline, and includes a way to easily visualize how
much of your goal has beet met.
Example of a Typical New Year's Resolution: I want to trim up in 2012.
Example of a Better New Year's Goal: I want to be around on this earth as long as possible. To do so, I
have to be healthy. I want to weigh 5 lbs. less in January. I'm going to focus on losing 1 each week. To
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 46 of 75
do so, I'm going to eat according to my new plan and I'm going to go to the gym 5 days a week and do
cardio and weight exercises for 1 hour each day before work. I'm going to keep a diary to ensure I don't
stray from my plan, and if we eat out on January weekends, I will skip dessert, except for fruit. I will
keep track of my progress each week. By the end of January, I will see where I'm at, reevaluate, and set
a new weight goal for February.
In other words, the very best way for you to keep your New Year's Resolutions in 2012 is for you to set
them up as New Year's Goals.
Five Things I Always Do Before the New Year Starts
Make My January Goals: I always set 5 very speciﬁc goals on the last day of the year. This way, when
the new year starts, I won't be sitting around wondering what I should do in the new year. Instead, I'll be
all set to write up the steps necessary to achieve my goals, and to begin with step one.
Catch-Up: Whether it's my laundry, my email, my thank you notes or my pending bills, I use the last
two days of the old year to catch up with everything, even if it means I don't get to watch any TV or surf
the Net for those 2 days. This way, when the new year rolls around, I'm not still trying to catch up with
last year's stuff.
Get my Calendar up to Date: This means I make sure all recurring activities (my daughter's piano
lessons, for example, and birthdays), and new calendar year events (weddings, retreats), etc. are all
included in my new calendar. I also use the last two days of December to schedule all of our annual
doctor checkups, and get those into my calendar as well.
Return any Gifts As Needed: We don't usually have to return many gifts, but there are always one or
two each year. For instance, this year we received a DVD that we already have, so we're going to the
store to exchange it. I also received a shirt that doesn't quite ﬁt, so I'll need to exchange and/or return
that too. We handle this before the year ends, and don't have to think about it in the new year.
Make a 'Thankful' List: I take an hour to write up a list of 100 things I'm thankful for this year. I
highlight the 10 things that have made a big difference in my life. I then ﬁle this list away, so I can refer
to it whenever I wish. What a wonderful way to reﬂect on all the good, and end the year on a positive
"Every year at just this time,/In cold and dark December,/Families around the world/All
gather to remember,/With presents and with parties,/With feasting and with fun,/Customs
and traditions/for people old and young." (Helen H. Moore)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 47 of 75
ShelVy: Just downloaded a book of Oscar Wilde poems, Laurie. I've always been wild
about Wilde ... (Ouch!) Now, this may intensify your moodiness, but I hope not. It's a few
verses from one of Wilde's best-known poems:
Each man kills the thing he loves,/By each let this be heard,/Some do it with a
bitter look,/Some with a ﬂattering word,/The coward does it with a kiss/The brave
man with a sword!//Some kill their love when they are young,/And some when
they are old;/Some strangle with the hands of Lust,/Some with the hands of
Gold: /The kindest use a knife, because/The dead so soon grow cold./Some love
too little, some too long,/Some sell, and others buy;/Some do the deed with many
tears,/And some without a sigh:/For each man kills the thing he loves,/Yet each
man does not die." (Selected Poems of Oscar Wilde, Kindle Locations 100-103).
Yes, it is. And it's a poem that's been on my iPad desktop, since Bill bought the iPad for me in
September 2010. He ﬁrmly believed that he was responsible for my "event" since I'd been concerned
about his high blood pressure and I was trying to do everything and not upset him with my falls,
confusion, etc. It was his apology to me, and he regularly apologized for this. I told him it wasn't
anyone's fault, and since we didn't—and I still don't—know what happened, it was/is silly to feel
responsible. Guess who didn't agree?
ShelVy: No surprise that Bill was a connoisseur of good poetry ... Just sent you another
one ... As I've mentioned elsewhere, Laurie - My mother used to read to me when I was
small and in bed. The following is part of a ballad she read to me. (WOT??? I should get
I didn't say a word!
ShelVy: "By the old Moulmein Pagoda, lookin' eastward to the sea,/There's a Burma girl
a-settin', and I know she thinks o' me;/For the wind is in the palm-trees, and the temple-
bells they say:/'Come you back, you British soldier; come you back to Mandalay,/Come
you back to Mandalay,/Where the old Flotilla lay:/Can't you 'ear their paddles chunkin'
from Rangoon to Mandalay?/On the road to Mandalay,/Where the ﬂyin'-ﬁshes play,/An'
the dawn comes up like thunder outer China 'crost the Bay!//'Er petticoat was yaller an'
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 48 of 75
'er little cap was green,/ An' 'er name was Supi-yaw-lat—jes' the same as Theebaw's
Queen,/An' I seed her ﬁrst a-smokin' of a whackin' white cheroot,/An' a-wastin' Christian
kisses on an 'eathen idol's foot:/Bloomin' idol made o' mud—/Wot they called the Great
Gawd Budd—/Plucky lot she cared for idols when I kissed 'er where she stud!//On the
road to Mandalay…" (A Book of Old Ballads — Complete, Kindle Locations 211-216).
Now I'm gonna look for The Ballad of Sam McGee (if I recall the name right.) Wish I
could be there to read these to read these to you ...
ShelVy: I could CALL you and read the ballad to you!!! Okay?
LOL. Yes you could. House phone: 248/742-9118. But truly, you don't have to.
30 Dec: ShelVy: Enjoyed our chat!!! G'nite.
30 Dec: I did too. Just got off the phone with Ed. He wanted to check on me again. I probably have the
best imaginary friends support group ever!
30 Dec: ShelVy: Proves you have a great imagination!!! <g>
"God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December." (J. M. Barrie)
ShelVy: Get some sleep? Sorry 'bout that! What's that ... Bhudist(?) chant? Oommm ...
sleep ... slee ... ee ... ee ... eep ...
Not yet and ::giggle:: something like that ...
ShelVy: There are TWO 'd's in Bhudda ... or is it 'Buddah'? Nah, that ain't right.
Spellchek sez it's 'Buddha' ...
That's what I was taught.
ShelVy: ... and I USED to know it!!!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 49 of 75
It's a minor spelling point, ShelVy. No big deal.
ShelVy: Yeah, but I have a local rep for being the guy you go to if you're having trouble
spelling something! Aweeelll ...
So, Shel, when was the last time anyone asked you to spell Buddha?
ShelVy: Ghood point!!! <g>
"How did it get so late so soon? ... December is here before it's June. My goodness, how
the time has ﬂewn. How did it get so late so soon?" (Dr. Seuss)
ShelVy: ... then there's 'psionics', kinda like mixing magic and science ...
True. I was always dismayed that psionics seemed to be
beyond my keen.
ShelVy: Me too! Imagine what it would be like if you
went to a Reno craps table and could psionically
control the die???<g>
I must admit, I never went there with there with the thought. I
was thinking of things I could do to make life less difﬁcult.
ShelVy: Hey, winning a few hundred thousand at
Reno wouldn't make life less difﬁcult? <g> But I
know what you meant ...
"Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to
wrap a Christmas present." (Anonymous)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 50 of 75
San Mateo Layaway Angels Hit Kmart
By Denise Nelson
December 23, 2011
Sameera Chatﬁeld, the supervisor who helped the young "layaway angel," an anonymous shopper who
pays off layaways for strangers—a recent trend occurring at Kmart stores nationwide—said the boy
walked in with his mom and speciﬁcally requested an account that included toys for boys.
"It was perfect," she said. "I wish he had stayed around for a few minutes, because the people whose
account he paid for came in."
She said the family smiled when she told them that the "angel" who paid down their account was a 10-
The boy is one of several such do-gooders Chatﬁeld has helped since Friday, when people started
coming in and offering to pay down layaways.
"It has been absolutely fabulous," Chatﬁeld said. "It makes
me want to go out and do something for someone else."
The contagious good will, which has spread to Kmart
stores around the country, appears to have its roots at a
store in Michigan, where an anonymous woman
reportedly paid about $500 toward the layaway accounts
of strangers earlier this month.
The "angels" vary in age and ethnicity, but most request to
remain anonymous and that their money go toward paying
off accounts that include toys or children's clothes. On
Friday morning, a man in his 30s walked into a Kmart in
Hayward with $10,000 in cash.
"He came in and said, 'I heard what's going on in other states.' I'd like to do it," said John Pawlik, 52, a
manager at the Hayward Kmart. He said the man paid $9,800 toward layaway accounts and donated the
remaining $200 to the Salvation Army.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 51 of 75
Pawlik said in another instance, a couple came in and said they wanted to pay off an account because
they don't have children of their own.
"I think it's great," Pawlik said. "It puts your faith back in how you feel about people."
Michelle Caldwell, 30, said that in the 10 years she has worked at the Kmart in San Leandro, she has not
seen anything like this. Since Sunday, Caldwell said she has helped about ﬁve people who offered to pay
"It's just really touching," she said. "If I had the money, I would be doing it myself too."
John Garcia, a 44-year-old assistant manager at the Kmart in Redwood City, said that when sales
associates inform the lucky customers that an anonymous person has paid down their accounts, most of
the time their reaction is tearful.
"It's almost like they're in shock," he said. "Like they've won the lottery. And in those instances, they
Garcia said the trend is improving morale among sales associates and beneﬁting Bay Area families who
are in need at this time of year.
"I've seen lots of demonstrations of goodwill towards people, but never one that gained such
momentum," he said. "It's something that's very special that's happening."
"Come, come thou bleak December wind,/And blow the dry leaves from the tree!/Flash,
like a Love-thought, thro'me, Death/And take a Life that wearies me." (Samuel Taylor
Coleridge, 1772-1834, Fragment 3)
Friday, 30 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Typographical Error.
Ponderence of the Day: "A good friend told me that she'd bumped into some acquaintances—a husband
and wife—in the street and was telling them about a calamity that befallen her relatives recently. While
the wife was paying proper attention, however, her other half wasn't exactly 'present' and although he
seemed to be listening, his brain was clearly somewhere else. 'They've had the most dreadful time,' my
friend explained, 'after a terrible burglary they lost just about everything of value from their home. And
then, much to the mortiﬁcation of his wife, the husband absent-mindedly replied, 'Oh good, good.' Ouch.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 52 of 75
He hadn't heard what was being said, but assuming it was some general bit of good news, acknowledged
it with a vague 'oh good, good'. It's an extreme example, but a salutary reminder of the critical
importance of listening—properly—when someone else tells us something. It's easy, I confess, to switch
off sometimes. It's common, I admit, to give people less than a hundred percent of our attention. But it's
only when we listen properly that we fully understand. And if we want to be understood ourselves,
doesn't it go without saying that we should start by understanding others?"
Goal for the Day: Prepare your own meals at home most of the time. Follow a nutritious diet.
"On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: six Geese a-Laying, ﬁve Golden
Rings, four Calling Birds, three French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear
::giggle, snort:: Typo has come to a resolution with his bell. Somehow, our my usually less-than-agile,
less-than-bright son came up with and executed a solution of his own, which also satisﬁes both parties.
His H-shaped harness is now 180° twisted. The connecting strap—which should run the length of his
back—now runs the length of his chest, putting his bell and tags on his chest rather than on either side of
his back. I can still hear his bell, as can he; but he can now see his bell and knows it isn't going to attack
"The morning wind spreads its fresh smell./We must get up and take that in,/that wind
that lets us live./Breathe before it is gone.//Dance when you're broken open./Dance if
you've torn the bandage off./Dance in the middle of the ﬁghting./Dance in your blood./
Dance, when you're perfectly free." (Rumi)
Has the Nation Lost It? And, yes, I realize the question is vague, especially during an election run-up
I understood everything being shut down on 26 December for Christmas (Observed); but repeating the
procedure for New Year's Day (Observed)?
Are you kidding me? I mean, other than nursing a hangover, undecorating, nursing a hangover, watching
football, nursing a hangover, eating leftovers, and nursing a hangover, isn't most activity to celebrate
New Year's over by 2AM on the ﬁrst? [Bill used to get massive headaches from Sparkling Apple Cider;
he always was amused that it didn't affect me. And, since it didn't affect me, he decided the sparkle must
be a type of wine. I didn't bother to correct him.]
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 53 of 75
Karen: It's a legal paid holiday that is included in most union and other labor
contracts. The fact that New Year's Day happens to be a Sunday this year doesn't mean all
those people should be cheated out of their hard earned paid holiday.
31 Dec: Ed: Hear! Hear! Three cheers for sanity! The proletariat gets gypped out of
enough by the ruling class without trying to take away hard-earned holidays as well!
Hooray for Karen!!
31 Dec: ShelVy: Echo! Echo! ECHO!!!
I do understand that, truly. I'm just amused. We
could have two New Year's Eve's this year. In fact,
one of our local taverns is running an ad along that
line: "Too drunk on NYE to remember what/who
you did? Come to our New Year's Redux party, and
Karen: The people who get the holiday
aren't responsible for the stupid advertising campaigns by business owners who seek to
exploit them and make an extra buck. Heck, I don't even begrudge the business owners
trying to make that extra buck, but don't blame anyone else for what they do.
YC: The ones to blame are the idiots that fall for it1!!
Karen: It's possible no one will fall for it. :) That won't stop them from trying the
I wasn't blaming anyone, honest. I was just amused.
"At Christmas I no more desire a rose/Than wish a snow in May’s new-fangled mirth;/
But like of each thing that in season grows." (William Shakespeare)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 54 of 75
Out of compassion for Dave and his AOL mailbox, I've tried to cut down on the amount of mail
generated. When his in-laws leave, I'll return to being the proliﬁc emailer you've all come to tolerate.
Merry Christmas, Dave!
Dave: They'll be leaving in a couple of days.
Yes, Dave, but I'm trying to be nice. Or is the rebuff that you want 1,000 emails in your box so you reach
capacity and your inbox implodes, as AOL's does when it reaches 1000 emails. ::voice of experience::
"A gift, even churlishly received, is still a gift."
Karen: It's okay, I've been feeling a little under the weather, so I can use the
break. Taking vitamins and lots of naps and just resting in general.
Says the woman who just wrote a dozen emails!
Karen: But that's all in a couple of days. :)
31 Dec: Ed: I'm sure that will make him
31 Dec: Ed, sarcasm from you is highly overrated!
31 Dec: ShelVy: Pay attention to her Ed! She's
an expert!!! <g><g>
31 Dec: Gee, ShelVy, I think you've been talking with YC too much today!
31 Dec: ShelVy: <g> ::g:: Probably....
31 Dec: Ed: Believe me, it wasn't meant to be sarcastic. And what a weak response!
31 Dec: Not every response can be a bon mot. Plus I haven't had dinner yet [9:58PM], so my brain is, to
quote Soph, "starvin'"
31 Dec: YC: You tell 'im, Laurie!!!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 55 of 75
"I heard a bird sing/In the dark of December/A magical thing/And sweet to
remember.//'We are nearer to Spring/Than we were in September,'/I heard a bird sing/In
the dark of December." (Oliver Herford, I Heard a Bird Sing)
ShelVy: Got things mixed up, Laurie - In all the different versions of NAG 14 that I did, I
musta run a WHOLE BUNCH of duplicate pages. Just put it thru ANOTHER editing job,
and there's only 34 pages!!! Sounds weird. Seems like 34 was the number of pages I had
BEFORE I just added many more ... Better check again! And then I'll go to bed. ... I think
::snort:: since you wrote that at 1:47AM CT, sleep might be a good idea. Aren't you glad this is an
electronic medium, rather than a typewriter project?
ShelVy: Oooooh, yeah! Think of all the paper and ink I'd have wasted!!! <g>
I was thinking in terms of ﬁnger pain/strain and time, but, okay.
31 Dec: ShelVy: By the bye; I DID Comment ... about [the] B&B comment ...
31 Dec: RotBLMAO! Wait, didn't you say say that you weren't going to?
31 Dec: ShelVy: ... Well, yes, I DID say that. And your point is ...? <g>
31 Dec: Nothing ... Walking, Turning away...
01 Jan: ShelVy: Hey! Even with the <g>, you took me SERIOUSLY??? On the serious
side, NAG 14 is ﬁnished; 42 pages. But about ten of those pages are in memory of Bill.
I'm not sure you're up to that...
No, I didn't take you seriously. Later today, perhaps.
"While snow the window-panes bedim,/The ﬁre curls up a sunny charm,/Where, creaming o'er
the pitcher's rim,/The ﬂowering ale is set to warm;/Mirth, full of joy as summer bees,/Sits there,
its pleasures to impart,/And children, 'tween their parent's knees,/Sing scraps of carols o'er by
heart." (John Clare, December)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 56 of 75
Well, hell! I just ﬁgured out why I haven't been sleeping! Dr. Idiot did not reﬁll rewrite my Elavil
prescription, which was the only way I've been getting to sleep since before I was transferred to Danto's!
Since that's also when my depression started becoming more pronounced and the migraines became
overwhelming, I bet it worked on that as well. Bloody hell! ::I am amused that on the Pub Med Health
site, the reference sheet for Elavil's generic equivalent is 666.::
ShelVy: Great! ... But how do you go about getting the reﬁlls? Can you do it thru the
pharmacist without Dr Idiot???
Nope. I get to wait until my appointment around January 9th.
YC: Well, it's something to look forward to ...
Karen: No!! That's not right!!! You need to complain about this irresponsible poor
excuse for a doctor! You should be able to call and get a reﬁll!
I suspect that she is not in this week. When I call, I've gotten people I usually only get on off hours.
Karen: Can you possibly get the emergency room doctor to give you an emergency
supply, since it's unlikely you'll get a reply from Dr. Idiot until next week?
If I had thought about it then.
Karen: And did you ever send in those complaints about Dr. Idiot?
Yup, they were picked up on Tuesday.
Karen: Well, since you know all those EMTs, is there some way you could get taken
back to the emergency room, or maybe could one of them ask the doctor to give you that
"You darkness, that I come from,/I love you more than all the ﬁres/that fence in the
world,/for the ﬁre makes/a circle of light for everyone,/and then no one outside learns of
you./But the darkness pulls in everything;/shapes and ﬁres, animals and myself,/how
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 57 of 75
easily it gathers them!—/powers and people—/and it is possible a great energy/is moving
near me./I have faith in nights." (Rainer Maria Rilke, "On Darkness")
::snort:: It has been pointed out to me, that I need to stop emailing at night because I make people feel
compelled to stay up with me. Now, personally, I think that is giving me one heck of a lot of credit that I
can force people—the closest of whom, Dave, is ~ 260 miles (~ four hours) away—to stay up and check
ShelVy: Ain't it great to be all-powerful???
Well, I'm certainly not that. I can get a cat to come when called, but I can't get anywhere with the airline
or doctor. I think my power is all too un-powerful!
Dave: I usually go to sleep between 11:30 and 1. Your emails don't keep me up till 4 or
whenever you send them.
I'm so glad, Dave. I'd hate to spoil your beauty sleep!
Karen: I take naps and as a result sometimes end up awake at odd hours. If I'm
answering emails at 4am, it's because of that, not any other reason. :)
I know. The person who said it doesn't really understand email. I think she thinks that an alarm goes off
when an email arrives.
31 Dec: Ed: Believe me, I never feel compelled to stay up with you. Once I decide to
shut down for the night, that's it, even if the President were to e-mail me. Actually,
especially if the President were to e-mail me.
31 Dec: ::snort::
31 Dec: ShelVy: Oooooo! I love that 'especially'' you added ...
31 Dec: Ed: I would ﬁgure he's looking for bucks. Shel, as I said before, I haven't voted
since 1984. That year, our choice was between Mondale, a known mediocrity and
Reagan, an entertainer hired by Wall St. to play the role of president. Since then, the only
president I could tolerate (but not enough to vote for) was Bush I. He was pro-Federal
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 58 of 75
worker and his planned pay raise for us would have been wonderful. But then our stupid
union, in a deal in which our then-President Robert Tobias, sold the endorsement to
Clinton in exchange for being named Sec'y of Labor (where the Clintons double-crossed
him along with a lot of others). I will say one thing for Clinton: if anyone asked me who
the greatest Republican president since
Eisenhower was, I'd have to say "Bill
Clinton." Then we got Bush vs. Gore,
intellectually comparable to a
wrestling match. After 8 years of
Bush making the rich richer,
involving us in a war we never
should have gotten into, and
innumerable other stupid things, like
the "No Child Left Behind" program,
we get McCain vs. Obama. Looks
like McCain is going to win -- but
then he picks Palin for Veep and the
great rustle you hear is the stampede
of voters going to vote Democratic. It
wasn't Obama's eloquence that got him elected, it was Palin's presence on the Republican
ticket. It'll get worse this year -- it has to. Obama will blame his last four years of failure
on the Bush Administration and the GOP will probably nominate Mr. Vanilla, Mitt
Romney. I'd prefer to stay home, than you.
"There is only one party in the United States: The Property Party, and it has two right wings,
Republican and Democratic." —Gore Vidal
31 Dec: ShelVy: Ed, you and I could talk politics/AVERSION-to-politics for YEARS!!!
Not in B&B, gentlemen; your limit is two pages per ish!
01 Jan: ShelVy: ... Did I detect a cheek impaled by a tongue??? <g>
::snort:: Just noting it does take time to empty and clean the bullshit barometer.
01 Jan: ShelVy: Unnerstood!!! ::g::
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 59 of 75
"Through the small tall bathroom window the December yard is gray and scratchy, the
tree calligraphic." (Dave Eggers)
ShelVy: Speaking of airlines, have you heard from the senator's ofﬁce???
Yes, Senator Levin's ofﬁce is looking into the airline's issues.
"It is December in the garden, an early winter here, with snow already hiding my worst
offenses—the places I disturbed your moss with my heavy boots; the corner where I
planted in too deep a hole the now stricken hawthorne: crystals hanging from its icy
branches are the only ﬂowers it will know. When did solitude become mere loneliness
and the sounds/of birds at the feeder seem not like a calibrated music but the discordant
dialects of strangers simply ﬂying through? I have tried to construct a life alone here—
coffee at dawn; a jog through the chilling air counting my heartbeats, as if the doctor
were my only muse; books and bread and ﬁrewood—those usual stepping-stones from
month to freezing month. but the constricted light, the year closing down on itself with all
the vacancies of January ahead, leave me unreconciled even to beauty. When will you be
coming back?" (Linda Pastan, The Letter)
My new splints arrived, and boy, can I tell the difference already with my right hand! The splints are
padded, there are four sewn-in strips of velcro—as opposed to three strips glued—and the thumb portion
bends in to hold my thumb in place rather than my thumb dropping down if I relax.
The real—and best—surprise though? When I took off the splint thirty minutes ago, my ﬁngers did not
curl into my palm! They stayed the ﬂattest I've seen them since, well, let's say since this began. Maybe
some improvement will be possible! I wish Bill were here to see it.
Karen: Wow!! That's great news! I hope you see continued improvement!
Me too. I'm surprised at the difference in the hand arch.
31 Dec: ShelVy: That is GREAT, Laurie! It's easy to imagine Bill's smile ...
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 60 of 75
31 Dec: It is indeed easy to picture.
31 Dec: Dave: That is wonderful to hear!
"Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that
experience can instill in us." (Hal Borland)
Saturday, 31 December: Today's winner of the Feline Daybreak 500: Peepiceek.
Weather Factoid: Like in December like all the year long. [On New Year's Eve, wrap a large rock with
some rope and hang it from a branch.]
Ponderence of the Day: "The reason for all the fuss at midnight on New Year's Eve is that we're meant
to be celebrating the arrival of another year, and in some ways it can be good to know that we've the
potential to begin another 365 days (well 366 this time around, as 2012 will be a Leap Year) with a
relatively clean sheet. This time a year ago however, we were all getting excited about 2011. This old
year was a shiny new one back in January. So perhaps today provides us with the perfect opportunity to
look back at the last twelve months, reﬂecting on the things we have to be grateful for. Perhaps like me
you won't remember 2011 as being one of the best years of your life—although if it was, you've every
right to be extra-thankful. But even the shabbiest of times can contain occasional chinks of light, and it's
these that it's helpful to recall. Who was important to you during the last year? What brought a smile to
your face? Where did you go that made your heart a little warmer? And when can you schedule more of
the same in the coming year? Tomorrow may bring a new year, but today's an excellent excuse to search
out the positives in the one we're still just about enjoying."
Goal for the Day: Participate in activities with people who share your interests.
"On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: seven Swans a-Swimming,
six Geese a-Laying, ﬁve Golden Rings, four Calling Birds, three French Hens, two Turtle
Doves, and a Partridge in a Pear Tree."
New Year's Superstitions
Barbara Mikkelson, snopes.com
Last updated: 31 December 2008
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 61 of 75
Besides getting sloppy drunk and kissing everybody in the room at the stroke of midnight, celebrants
throughout the ages have observed numerous lesser-known New Year's customs and superstitions. Many
of the superstitions associated with the event bear the common theme that activities engaged in on that
day set the pattern for the year to come. Others have to do with warding off evil spirits or attracting luck.
Because January 1 is the ﬁrst day of the new year, we have drawn a connection between what we do on
that day and our fate throughout the rest of the year. Here are some of the ways we attempt to guarantee
a good outcome through our acts on that portentous ﬁrst day:
Kissing at midnight: We kiss those dearest to us at midnight not only to share a moment of celebration
with our favorite people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will continue throughout the next
twelve months. To fail to smooch our signiﬁcant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set the stage
for a year of coldness.
Stocking Up: The new year must not be seen in with bare cupboards, lest that be the way of things for
the year. Larders must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in every wallet in the home to
Paying Off Bills: The new year should not be begun with the household in debt, so checks should be
written and mailed off prior to January 1st.
Likewise, personal debts should be settled
before the New Year arrives.
First Footing: The ﬁrst person to enter
your home after the stroke of midnight will
inﬂuence the year you're about to have.
Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and
good-looking, and it would be even better if
he came bearing certain small gifts such as
a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread,
a sprig of evergreen, and some salt. Blonde
and redhead ﬁrst footers bring bad luck, and
female ﬁrst footers should be shooed away
before they bring disaster down on the household. Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don't let them
near your door before a man crosses the threshold. The ﬁrst footer (sometimes called the "Lucky Bird")
should knock and be let in rather than unceremoniously use a key, even if he is one of the householders.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 62 of 75
After greeting those in the house and dropping off whatever small tokens of luck he has brought with
him, he should make his way through the house and leave by a different door than the one through
which he entered. No one should leave the premises before the ﬁrst footer arrives—the ﬁrst trafﬁc across
the threshold must be headed in rather than striking out. First footers must not be cross-eyed or have ﬂat
feet or eyebrows that meet in the middle. Nothing prevents the cagey householder from stationing a
dark-haired man outside the home just before midnight to ensure the speedy arrival of a suitable ﬁrst
footer as soon as the chimes sound. If one of the partygoers is recruited for this purpose, impress upon
him the need to slip out quietly just prior to the witching hour.
Nothing Goes Out: Nothing—absolutely nothing, not even garbage—is to leave the house on the ﬁrst
day of the year. If you've presents to deliver on New Year's Day, leave them in the car overnight. Don't
so much as shake out a rug or take the empties to the recycle bin. Some people soften this rule by saying
it's okay to remove things from the home on New Year's Day provided something else has been brought
in ﬁrst. This is similar to the caution regarding ﬁrst footers; the year must begin with something's being
added to the home before anything subtracts from it. One who lives alone might place a lucky item or
two in a basket that has a string tied to it, then set the basket just outside the front door before midnight.
After midnight, the lone celebrant hauls in his catch, being careful to bring the item across the door jamb
by pulling the string rather than by reaching out to retrieve it and thus breaking the plane of the
Food: A tradition common to the southern states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed peas
on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck and ﬁnancial good fortune in particular to the one
doing the dining. Some choose to add other Southern fare (such as ham hocks, collard greens, or
cabbage) to this tradition, but the black-eyed peas are key. Other "lucky" foods are lentil soup (because
lentils supposedly look like coins), pork (because poultry scratches backwards, a cow stands still, but a
pig roots forward, ergo those who dine upon pork will be moving forward in the new year), and
sauerkraut (probably because it goes so well with pork). Another oft-repeated belief holds that one must
not eat chicken or turkey on the ﬁrst day of the year lest, like the birds in question, diners fate
themselves to scratch in the dirt all year for their dinner (that is, bring poverty upon themselves).
Work: Make sure to do—and be successful at—something related to your work on the ﬁrst day of the
year, even if you don't go near your place of employment that day. Limit your activity to a token
amount, though, because to engage in a serious work project on that day is very unlucky. Also, do not do
the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the upcoming
months. The more cautious eschew even washing dishes.
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New Clothes: Wear something new on January 1 to increase the likelihood of your receiving more new
garments during the year to follow.
Money: Do not pay back loans or lend money or other precious items on New Year's Day. To do so is to
guarantee you'll be paying out all year.
Breakage: Avoid breaking things on that ﬁrst day lest wreckage be part of your year. Also, avoid crying
on the ﬁrst day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next twelve months.
Other superstitions attaching to the beginning of the new year are:
Letting the Old Year Out: At midnight, all the doors of a house must be opened to let the old year
escape unimpeded. He must leave before the
New Year can come in, says popular wisdom,
so doors are ﬂung open to assist him in
ﬁnding his way out.
Loud Noise: Make as much noise as possible
at midnight. You're not just celebrating;
you're scaring away evil spirits, so do a
darned good job of it! According to
widespread superstition, evil spirits and the
Devil himself hate loud noise. We celebrate
by making as much of a din as possible not
just as an expression of joy at having a new
year at our disposal, but also to make sure
Old Scratch and his minions don't stick
around. (Church bells are rung on a couple's
wedding day for the same reason.)
The Weather: Examine the weather in the early hours of New Year's Day. If the wind blows from the
south, there will be ﬁne weather and prosperous times in the year ahead. If it comes from the north, it
will be a year of bad weather. The wind blowing from the east brings famine and calamities. Strangest of
all, if the wind blows from the west, the year will witness plentiful supplies of milk and ﬁsh but will also
see the death of a very important person. If there's no wind at all, a joyful and prosperous year may be
expected by all.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 64 of 75
Born on January 1: Babies born on this day will always have luck on their side.
"Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,/The ﬂying cloud, the frosty light;/The year is dying
in the night;/Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.//Ring out the old, ring in the new,/Ring,
happy bells, across the snow:/The year is going, let him go;/Ring out the false, ring in the
true.//Ring out the grief that saps the mind,/For those that here we see no more,/Ring out
the feud of rich and poor,/Ring in redress to all mankind.//Ring out a slowly dying cause,/
And ancient forms of party strife;/Ring in the nobler modes of life,/With sweeter
manners, purer laws.//Ring out the want, the care, the sin,/The faithless coldness of the
times;/Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,/But ring the fuller minstrel in." (Alfred
Lord Tennyson, Ring Out, Wild Bells)
Shel, you're making the box on the Florida beach sound better and better!
ShelVy: How lucky can I get!
Shel, you're the one who suggested I move to Lower Alabama's right-side-of-the-tracks!
ShelVy: I plead guilty-as-charged, Laurie! And you can see why I suggested it!!! <g>
::sigh of relief:: Sorry, I thought I heard a tinge of sarcasm. It's gotta be the cat naps. Speaking of which,
Peep is napping right now.
ShelVy: Ah, yes ... 'cat naps'. Does that explain why cats can be so ... ornery? <g>
I don't think it applies. Esme is the only one who sleeps solidly and she's ornery. The others? Not so
much. Well, since midnight, I've gotten 3 cat naps, for a little over ﬁve hours of sleep. How ornery am I?
YC: ... No more than usual ... <g>
That bad? Oh dear. Another goal for New Year's: be nice to people and other dumb animals. Oh, wait,
that's not nice. Well, it is before midnight ... little over 6500 seconds in the ET folks!
ShelVy:...and I'll be celebrating it in front of my computer!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 65 of 75
"The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a
brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be
left in tears." (W.H. Auden)
Well, we now know two of Karen's pet peeves. The ﬁrst, non-playful misuse/abuse of English (which I
suspected and share); and the second, well, I had anticipated that belonging to Stephen, not Karen:
Karen: Okay, I know this is not a huge thing in the grand scheme of things, but it really
ticks me off when an alleged expert (especially one who is supposedly teaching others)
makes such a huge, stupid error!
I watch the Food Channel a lot, and right now I am watching Secrets of a Restaurant
She's doing a brunch menu, featuring Eggs Benedict, which requires Hollandaise Sauce.
So, as she's showing us how to make this alleged Hollandaise, she adds shallots and
Arrrgh! So okay, maybe Stephen is the only one besides me who understands that ...
See, Hollandaise does NOT EVER have shallots or tarragon in it!!! Once you add those
to Hollandaise, it becomes Béarnaise Sauce!!!!!!! Granted, Béarnaise would also be made
with vinegar instead of lemon juice, but the point is that Hollandaise does NOT NOT
NOT have shallots or tarragon, and someone who is supposed to be an expert teaching
people how to make a sauce ought to be doing it the right way! Béarnaise is considered a
"child" or derivative of Hollandaise sauce, and in French cuisine it's very important to
know that, and to know the difference.
Julia Child must be rolling over in her grave. I bet even Bobby Flay wouldn't make a
mistake like that.
Wow, Karen! Don't hold back now: tell us how you really feel. ::snicker:: "I bet even Bobby Flay
wouldn't make a mistake like that." ::chortle::
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 66 of 75
ShelVy: Here's at least ONE besides Stephen who unnerstands, Karen. Remember: My
daughter Diane is a chef par excellence who
has worked at a world-famous restaurant!
(Besides, The Galloping Gourmet was one of
my favorite shows!)
Ed: The chef in Secrets of a Restaurant Chef
is Anne Burrell, who is Mario Batali's sous
chef. What she is making is probably her take
on Hollandaise Sauce, a great chefs tend to
do - and Anne Burrell is one helluva chef.
Kat and I ate at one of Mario's restaurants
where the menu was supervised by Burrell.
And everything was great.
The difference between a chef and a great chef is that a chef follows the recipe while the
great chef improvises on the recipe, that that quote comes from none other than
Morimoto, who once ﬁred one of his chefs for questioning the recipe for his ﬁsh sauce.
By the way, two great books on food: Kitchen Conﬁdential by Anthony Bourdain and
Down and Out in London and Paris by George Orwell.
The Orwell book is excellent!
ShelVy: George Orwell on food??? Will wonders ever cease! ... And your explanation
about the difference between a 'chef' and a 'great chef' just underscores that my daughter
Diane is a GREAT chef!!! As I eat here, I can verify that. (Or have I put on this list that I
live with my daughter???)
How would the mini-SQ have known? Nope, you hadn't.
01 Jan: Karen: A chef may improve on a recipe, but a good chef SAYS that's what she
did. A good chef does NOT go on tv and tell people she is teaching them how to make a
classic French sauce, and then tell them the wrong thing. I have nothing against
improvisation, but I won't tolerate misrepresentation. The worst thing is, I doubt she even
knew she was wrong!
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 67 of 75
01 Jan: ShelVy: True, Karen, so true!!!
01 Jan: Karen: Thanks, ShelVy! I'm sure that when Morimoto makes his own ﬁsh sauce,
he doesn't claim that it's anything else. :) And he sure doesn't claim it's Hollandaise.
01 Jan: ShelVy: You're very welcome!
I'm staying out of this food ﬁght!
02 Jan: Ed: Well then, Karen, the only thing I can say is to put yer money where yer
mouth is and write to Ms. Burrell and take her to task. Otherwise, you're just blowing
And when Karen wakes up, all hell will break out!
02 Jan: Karen: And how would I do that? Am I supposed to magically have her address?
I was considering emailing Food Network to complain, and I probably will do that this
week, now that the holidays are over. They may even have a link to email her, and if they
do, I'll use that too, but pretty much no one ever reads the emails they get on their
websites, so it's almost guaranteed to be an exercise in futility.
BTW -- Pot, say hello to kettle. That's big talk coming from someone whose solution to
his dissatisfaction with politics is to mouth off and never vote. There ARE third and
fourth, etc, parties out there that need support and voters. But yeah, I'll get right on
tracking down some incompetent tv chef.
02 Jan: And she did not disappoint! RotBLMAO! And, gee, Ed wondered why Bill and I thought you
might be related by blood or marriage!
02 Jan: Karen: Nope, we're both just ornery. :)
02 Jan: Ed: You could simply e-mail Burrell in care of Food Network. A little non-
sequitur in your logic there. How do you link not voting with writing to a TV chef? I may
not vote, BUT I do pay taxes and do write my "duly elected representatives." One has
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 68 of 75
nothing to do with the other. Besides, your argument is invalid as it is Argumentum Ad
Hominem, a popular informal fallacy.
02 Jan: Karen: Oh, yes, everyone who points out that YOU are equally as guilty as they
are is all wrong, because you are always right, Ed. No point in discussing this one any
further either, since you are without ﬂaw.
02 Jan: Ed: Thank you for noticing.
02 Jan: I've been trying very hard to stay out of this ... but I have just one thing to say: "Birds in their
little Nests agree; And 'tis a shameful Sight, When Children of one Family Fall out, and chide, and
ﬁght." (Isaac Watts, Divine Songs 25, 1715)
02 Jan: ShelVy: She's got a point about voting, Ed! I know some folks who don't vote,
they say, becos they don't want to have any responsibility
re what's going on. Hey, that IS getting involved - the
wrong way! I'm sure you've seen many of the examples
showing that one vote CAN count! Not voting is pure
02 Jan: Ed: Voting is simply a choice. Choosing not to
vote is not bering "chicken," it expresses a valid view of
the government. And by paying taxes we are indeed
responsible for what's going on. I write the bozos who
supposedly "represent" me. If we had a true multi-party
government, like in England, then voting makes more
sense. Here, it just gets you tons of jury duty. The last
time I voted in 1984 I wrote in Gore Vidal for President
and myself for Vice-President. Before that I voted
straight Communist. What I ﬁnd interesting is the large
number of people who do not vote in the national
elections simply because they feel no one represents them anyway. Should I vote for
someone who doesn't represent me or my concerns because of the so-called "Be a good
citizen" myth? Oner vote can count in a town election or board election, the smaller the
better. And I'm sure all the people that came out to vote in 2000 Florida saw their votes
"count," as the election came down to the opinions of just nine people on a court bench.
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 69 of 75
02 Jan: ShelVy: You DO make some good points, Ed. I might add that my voting has
been, for decades, 'Against' rather than 'For'.
Karen: Part of the reason the third parties don't work in this country is that so many
people sit home and don't vote, rather than vote for those third parties. One vote, all by
itself, may not make a difference, but if all those people who sit home and don't vote
showed up and voted for third party candidates, that would make a huge difference.
ShelVy: True, Karen; but one big thing is ﬁnances for third parties. ...Which <g> would
not be a problem for Donald Trump...
Karen: But who, in his right mind, would vote for Trump? A man who could go bankrupt
running a casino isn't my idea of the kind of person who should be in charge of anything.
ShelVy: I shoulda put an <ig> (ironic grin) symbol after that remark, Karen!
Karen: LOL! I thought that's what you meant - I was just emphasizing it. :)
ShelVy: Thankee thankee... <g>
"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make
sure the old year leaves." (Bill Vaughan)
Karen: Wow! I didn't know that about your daughter! Lucky you! I loved The Galloping
Gourmet too. :) I wish they'd show that in reruns.
As I said ... No wonder Criminal Minds' Penelope Garcia's line "Your friendly neighborhood Oracle of
All Things Knowable and Unknowable, at your service" keeps reverberating through my head.
Ah well, for group consumption: I understood, I caught the program also, and shut it off when she
destroyed the sauce. The kids looked at me in surprise, and I told them that we would stick with Alton.
Karen: Oh, good! I didn't know there were so many foodies here. :)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 70 of 75
That's all of us except Dave and Ed. My guess is that, for one of them anyway, food put on a plate =
ShelVy: She's just LOADED with talent, Karen! An antique specialist, real estate mogul,
has a Captain's license enabling her to captain a ship of one hundred tons, landscaper,
protector of wildlife, mechanic, and on and on ... I, too, would LOVE to see reruns of The
Galloping Gourmet. With all the available channels, I'm surprised no one has done so ...
Shel, I didn't remember all that about Diane!
Karen: Wow! She sure is loaded with talent! I can see why you're so proud of her! My
guess is that whoever owns those shows doesn't want to sell or license them, which is a
shame. They have reruns of some of Julia Child's shows on.
ShelVy: I didn't mention everything, Karen. She has also managed several successful
restaurants, rebuilt car engines, worked at a local speedboat manufacturing company,
been a model, does interior decorating, and even more! Started as a teenager holding
down THREE JOBS AT A TIME! Most importantly, she has done all that while being
dyslectic! (I think her basic motivation was to show she could rise above her
handicap!) ...Plus, she loves making money...
Karen: That's a very ambitious woman! Congratulations!
ShelVy: Thankee thankee! If Diane sets her mind to accomplish something, It Gets
Ed: Shelby, I ﬁnd all this about your daughter to be most fascinating, since it also gives
me a window into you. She sounds like a most talented person, but also a bit of a butterﬂy
in that she ﬂies from one occupation to another. Nothing wrong with that, since I'm sure
she begins to get bored once she masters something. But she's the kind of person I love to
meet and sit down with. I'd have so many questions for her, especially on being the
captain of a boat. Most, most interesting.
ShelVy: I'm sure you'd be fascinated, Ed! ...Altho you'd ﬁnd out more if you were to text
her; she LOVES texting! I know that 'cos she's always asking me how to spell a word. ...
The Ship Captain bit is becos she has a chance to take a yacht from Key West to New
York at a hefty fee ... She loves making money ...
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 71 of 75
Well, now the Buddha discussion makes sense! ::giggle::
ShelVy: LOL! <g>
Ed: She loves making money ... Good for her! She sounds like a Renaissance Woman.
And you sound like a very proud papa! Ed, if you've moving East to join me on the beach, bring your
ShelVy: <g> <g><g> ::g:: plus LOL!
Ed: Whatever that means . . .
I ate an hour ago, the bon mot machine is
01 Jan: ShelVy: Veddy ghood!!!
ShelVy: I think it means, Ed, that
she's thinking you might wanna meet
Ding! Ding! Ding! Y'know, ShelVy, you're right more often than not in regard to my thoughts ... tho to
be fair, I thought these thoughts were on a neon billboard!
01 Jan: ShelVy: ... Well, mebbe there was a Temporary Blackout ...<g>
"Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when
you're forced to." (Bill Vaughn)
I'm having very odd earworms today. My usual earworm for today is Barry Manilow's "It's Just Another
New Year's Eve": "Don't look so sad, it's not so bad you know./It's just another night, that's all it is,/It's
not the ﬁrst, it's not the worst you know,/We've come through all the rest, we'll get through this.//We've
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 72 of 75
made mistakes, but we've made good friends too./Remember all the nights we spent with them?/And all
our plans, who says they can't come true?/Tonight's another chance to start again.//[REFRAIN: It's just
another New Year's Eve,/Another night like all the rest./It's just another New Year's Eve,/Let's make it
the best./It's just another New Year's Eve,/It's just another Auld Lang Syne,/But when we're through this
New Year/You'll see, WE'LL be just ﬁne.]//We're not alone, we've got the world you know./And it won't
let us down, just wait and see./And we'll grow old, but think how wise we'll grow./There's more you
know, it's only New Year's Eve.//[REFRAIN]"
Running over the top of that are quotes and other melodies. There was the one from Criminal Minds that
I mentioned above, (p. 29), but the primary one has been from M.A.S.H.: "Here's to the New Year. May
she be a damned sight better than the old one ...."
Also heard ﬂoating around in my head, "Put one foot in front of the other ..." (Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer); "Billy, her brain has gone ... blooey, zippo, casa de nada." (Scarecrow and Mrs. King); "But
then I think about how scared you must be in some dark place all alone, but you're not alone okay? You
are not alone: we are in that dark place with you! We are waving ﬂashlights and calling your name, so if
you can see us, come home. But if you can't. then, then you stay alive because we're coming." (Criminal
Minds); and "A friendly face makes a difference." (Scarecrow and Mrs. King).
To say that my head is a cacophony is an understatement.
"Now the seasons are closing their ﬁles on each of us, the heavy drawers full of
certiﬁcates rolling back into the tree trunks, a few old papers ﬂocking away. Someone we
loved has fallen from our thoughts, making a little, glittering splash like a bicycle pushed
by a breeze. Otherwise, not much has happened; we fell in love again, ﬁnding that one
red feather on the wind." (Ted Kooser, Year's End)
On Christmas Day, ShelVy initiated a discussion I would have preferred to get a good eight hours of
sleep on, but I guess I'll have to settle for 7200 seconds. Oh, wait, no, I can move the discussion, just so
I cover the topic at hand ...
ShelVy: Turn it around, Laurie - Imagine that I am in YOUR shoes, same problems, etc.
What would you advise ME?
Uh ... what do you want to do? Skydive? Transfer into a real bed? Order a pizza? A few more details,
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 73 of 75
ShelVy: I meant an exact switch. Put ME in YOUR place. If I had your problems, what
solution/s would you suggest???
So, you want to make certain I don't sleep tonight? Freaky Friday scared the heck out of me. I didn't
want to become my mom. What you're asking now is almost as bad. I care about you too much to think
about that. And I didn't mean to be ﬂip earlier.
ShelVy: Flippancy on your part never occurred to me, Laurie! I'M the prince of
Okay, I'll think about it!
31 Dec: I have been thinking about it, and my mind is a muddle. I truly do not know what I would tell
someone in my situation. That's not a cop-out; I've been considering Kacey's email also and I do not
have a clue.
"New Year's eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe,
no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve
months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come
with the coming of darkness on other nights." (Hamilton Wright Mabie)
New Year's Resolutions for 2012
1. Sit down on 01 January 2012, and turn Resolution list into Goals.
2. Modify B&B colophon for 2012.
3. Move back into Master Bedroom.
4. Get paperwork cleaned up.
5. Find a replacement for Dr. Idiot.
6. Figure out future (including concerns in Kacey's email).
7. Be nicer to people.
"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken
possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve
months!" (Edward Payson Powell)
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 74 of 75
Bed & Bored #010 24-31 December 2011 Page 75 of 75