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					A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Reached Safely Date: 21 st July, 2004 I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I’ve just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was … ***************************** A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”. The salesman asks “how do you want me to put it?” The man says, Well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom. The real fun didn’t start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: “You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom”. ***************************** The married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks, “I notice you’ve been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?“ “Yes” she replies, “He’s my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.” “That’s remarkable” the husband replies, “I wouldn’t think anybody could celebrate that long.“ ***************************** This husband who is out of town for a couple of months writes to his wife. Dear Sweetheart, I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweethear

Your husband His wife replied back after some days to her husband: Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items........ Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise! Your Sweet Heart ***************************** Wife: Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl. Husband: Then what happened? Wife: I just kept on admiring her, on and on.. Husband (gets irritated): WHAT happened then? Wife smiled and said: I moved away from the mirror! ***************************** One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" She replied her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was upset. "You lied! That is not the truth." The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney." So the Lord let her keep him. The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. *****************************

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:

'You can have mine.'

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished

.

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'

Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.'

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

'A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

***************************** Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband : Nothing. Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife : 'Yes or no.'

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?' Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!' Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' ____________ _________ _________ _________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever . The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------When it comes to friendship, here's what happens. If a woman doesn't come home to her husband one night, and the next day she tells him she slept over at a friend's house, the man calls his wife's 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it. If a man doesn't come home to his wife one night, and the next day he tells her he slept over

at a friend's house, she calls her husband's 10 best friends-eight of them say he did sleep over, and two claim he's still there. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------


				
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