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How to Make A Lot of Money

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					      Sell Crap, Refund Most of the Money, and Make Millions!

       For the first time, I am going to make public the secret that none of the mail
order concerns would ever want you to know. There's start up capital involved but
don't let that deter you; once you learn the secret of SURE FIRE RICHES that I
am going to share with you, you'll do whatever it takes to raise the funds. And you
won't send any of this money to me.
       On these pages you will learn how to;
        Sell an opportunity that few people will want once they see it,
        Give a Full Refund to Anyone Who Wants One,
        And Get Filthy Rich in the Bargain!!!!

      Sound Crazy? You bet it does, but it works! You'll have to do some work
too, but nothing you can't handle. Let's get started.

      First, you will need something to sell. Anything will do but I recommend
printed matter; reports, how to..., etc.
      Second, you will need to have the materials. These can be done on a desktop
publisher - make them look good, with nice report covers and all that.
      Third, receive orders and ship!

       Oh, by the way, you're not selling the reports. Instead you are offering your
customers the opportunity to receive these materials at serious discounts from the
suggested retail prices for these materials; they can mark them up and resell them
because you will turn over the copyrights to them!
       You won't tell them all this up front. Your add will gurantee people that they
can make a lot of money with your plan. To sweeten the pot, you will even offer to
pay them, say $100, if they don't make money using your plan!
       Before going any further, let's get the capitalization out of the way. To launch
this enterprise you will need somewhere between $38,000 and $50,000. This money
will go for printing costs (minimal) and advertizing in national magazines. Full page
eye-catchers at that. You will have to do some homework and develop a strategy
that balances circulation with full page ad costs, and determine the most efficient
way to reach the greatest number of people. Your anticipated return on these ads
will be 2% and you should get there in the third month. The first month will yield
about 0.5%, the second around 1.0% - that's typical. Don't worry. Once you hit
the 2% range it should hold for about a year; after that you just go out of business.
       For the kind of money we're talking you should be able to get your ads in
four of five national magazines with a total circulation of about 1.5 million. That's
good, isn't it. NO, it's better than good. Because four and a half million people will
see your ad! It's what is known in magazine circles as Readership, and it is usually
estimated to be three times circulation. Ok, you're single and live alone; when you
buy a magazine you are the only one who reads it. Fine. But when a family buys a
magazine two to five people will read it. If a doctor subscribes to the publication he
and his family will read it first, then he'll put it in the waiting room down at the office
and fifty more people will see it over the three months it sits there. Readership!
       So of 4,400,000 people who will probably see your ad, you get 1/2 percent
response the first month. That's 225,000 people! Sell your program for $29.95 and
you first month's revenues should be around $6,700,000! This is very realistic as
you are offering the public a rare opportunity at an affordable price - and you are
willing to pay them 3+ times as much if they don't succeed, and you'll refund all
their money as well! They'll bite.
       Take your expenses out of this first wave, set aside the second month's ad
costs, and put the rest of the money is savings accounts paying 5% per year. It's
the magic of compound interest. To raise the capital, you will probably show this
presentation to a group of friends who will very likely be willing to put up $5,000
apiece once they get the idea what you're up to. You can pay them off the first
month with 10% interest or you can offer them 0.05% of the first year's net profit.
They could get pretty well off too! By the end of the year your total profit could
soar to $15 million. A half percent of that is $75,000. A powerful inducement but
even if you don't make anywhere near that figure your friends will still make out.

Here is the whole scheme, step by step;
      1. You place your ads and wait about three weeks to a month for the returns.
      2. You mail the materials allowing two weeks for delivery. The 30 day money
         back guarantee period commences when the customer receives the goods.
              2a. It will be cheaper if you have a website (or page) where you can
                 accept credit card payments and the customer may download the
                  information.
      3. Wait for a response. By the time the customer receives brochures explaining
          the opportunity you should have had their money about two weeks. Most
          of the time the customer will not cancel until the thirty days is about up. And
          with this scheme it is pretty well assured - because the customer will want to
          find out about getting the $100 if he doesn't succeed. Even if he cancels out
           right away, you can usually stretch the refund process out for a full 30 days.
           The longer you manage to hold on to the customer's money the more
            interest it will earn while on deposit at the bank. That's how you make
                   your money!
      4. If the customer wants to find out about the $100 (and he will) you buy another
         two weeks while sending him the information. The requirements for receiving
         the money are so exacting that most people won't want to bother going to all
         the trouble. You tell them that they will have to furnish proof that they follow-
         ed your system to the letter. Require them to furnish proof that they placed
         the ads in the newspapers and magazines, as you specified, bought reports
         from you and had them returned, and in general didn't succeed - all during the
         30 day trial period! If they cancel out they are disqualified from your offer to
         pay them for failing.
              If by some fluke the customer actually fulfills your rigorous requirements
         for the $100, then send him the money. By all means. You can afford it.
      5. Not all the people who respond to your ad will ask for a refund; some of them
         may actually sell the reports and make some money themselves. But for those
         who want a refund, make it as easy and painless as possible. Enclose a mailing
         label with the materials so all they have to do is paste it over their own mailing
         address on the same envelope in which the prospectus arrived. Then they just
         send it back.
              Unfortunately the return envelope will get to you too late to make it on this
         month's computer cycle. Call them or send a card explaining this and that their
         refund will be processed on NEXT month's cycle. Sorry the mail was so slow.

        In all you ought to be able to manage holding onto the customer's money for at
least two months. At 5% interest per year at the bank the money on deposit should earn
0.4%. Big deal? Point four percent of $6,700,000 is $26,800. Your riches will accrue by
your generating large volumes of money and holding them in banks long enough to earn
substantial amounts of interest. True, the rate is only 5% but five percent a lot of money
is a lot of money.
        So let's check the details. You are selling a product, and an opportunity for your
customer to use that product to make money for himself. It's possible to make money
using your system (liklihood is another matter) and there may well be ambitious, energ-
etic individuals who'll grab the ball and run with it. And if the customer is unhappy with
the deal you'll gladly refund their money.

Author's note: While this article is meant to be a gag there actually was a business that
     operated exactly this way. And it made money!

				
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