MAY 2012 - UC Davis School of Veterinary Medicine by linxiaoqin


									 Funded by an educational Grant from SCAVMA and the Student Unrestricted Donor Account

                       Since 2005 at the UC Davis School of Veterinar y Medicine

Making Salary +                                                           one HealtH Day
CoMMiSSion Work                                                           Med Students, Vet Students, and Pharmacy Students:
                                                                          Closing the Health Sciences gap

For you                                                                   By Lea Mehrkens
By Vivian R. Wright
AVMA GHLIT UCD Representative                                                  On April 14th, Students         sues of veterinarians repay-
                                                                          for One Health hosted their          ing their students loans, and
                                                                          first annual “One Health Day.”       doctor safety. Students were
     The job hunt can be an          my spouse, William Wright,           This club, comprised of stu-         surprised to learn that some
exciting time for seniors and        DVM, and others who have suc-        dents studying veterinary and        NSAIDs are toxic to pets. A
new graduates. But while putting     cessfully maneuvered through         human medicine, law, public          standout moment to me was
your education into practice         salary and compensation issues       health, and epidemiology,            when a medical student asked
can mean new adventures and          over the years.                      embraces the “more heads are         about the mechanism behind
opportunities, negotiating a fair         The idea of commission as       better than one” mentality to        ibuprofen toxicity and a phar-
compensation package can be          any part of your compensation        attack health issues on both         macy student who had done
stressful – particularly given the   may seem a bit scary at first, but   the local and global scale. One      a rotation through the VMTH
various forms it can take.           you can make it work in your         Health Day brought 17 human          happily supplied an answer.
     While a straight salary         favor if you approach it cor-        medical and pharmacy stu-            Taglines like, “Teamwork!”,
is common in the veterinary          rectly. The key is to make sure      dents from across the Univer-        “Synergy!” and the obligatory
profession, many practices have      that your fixed salary will cover    sity of California system to the     “One Health!” ran through my
started compensating employ-         all of your living expenses. This    School of Veterinary Medi-           mind.
ees based on commission. In          includes mortgage or rent, car,      cine’s campus for a day full of          Students participated in
these situations commission is       insurance and student loan pay-      interdisciplinary lectures and       a comparative anatomy lab
typically a percentage of gross      ments. By ensuring that these        hands-on wetlabs.                    hosted by Drs. Conley and
profits that you have personally     expenses are covered by the base          As one of two coordina-         Pinkerton, handling placentas,
generated for the office.            salary, you will worry less about    tors for this event, I will be the   ovarian tumors, and elephant
     A third option has also         making ends meet and be able to      first to say that we had great       hearts. Students enjoyed a
emerged, one that many vet-          focus more on providing quality      success in bringing to light the     lecture by Dr. Wisner about
erinarians consider the ideal        care.                                similarities and differences be-     comparative radiology and
compensation: a combination of            Before accepting a combined     tween the two medical fields.        “ooh”ed and “aw”ed over
salary and commission.               salary and commission compen-        Perhaps more importantly,            shocking radiographs of
     Much of what I’m sharing        sation package, be sure to look at   was the emphasis each activity       cannibalistic snakes and
with you on salary compensation      the numbers closely. Typically,      placed on the importance of          horrific racehorse fractures.
I gathered from a presentation       your monthly base salary will be     collaboration. Students began        I thought we, in vet medi-
by Dr. James Peddie, “Interview-     3.5 to 4.5 times your guaranteed     the day with two lectures by         cine, owned the category of
ing is a Two Way Street,” avail-     monthly salary. The commission       Dr. LeFebvre and Dr. Mayo            “Crazy Foreign Bodies” until
able on AVMA Group Health            typically varies between 20-26%      about zoonotic bacteria and          a medical student showed
& Life Insurance (GHLIT)             of the monthly base salary and       viruses, followed by a tour of       me a radiograph of a Buzz
website. I also referenced the       would be based on either work        the VMTH. Students asked             Lightyear stuck in a human
American Veterinary Medicine         billed or work billed and fees       questions about pet health           colon. We took a foray into
Association (AVMA) and other         collected.                           insurance, ability of owners         MPT, where Dr. Burton blew
DVM-focused websites and held             For example, say that your      to pay for treatment, the is-        peoples’ minds with the an-
conversations on the topic with      monthly salary guarantee is

                     see SCRILLA, continued on page 2                                see ONEHEALTH, continued on page 8

                                       Kunkers, Page 2 • Magic Eye, Page 8 • Essays, Page 11
SCRILLA, continued from page 1

$5,000. That would make your         the gun if compensation will                                 by Greg Bishop
monthly base salary $20,000,         not cover your expenses. Most
or four times $5,000. If your        importantly, don’t be afraid to
commission is 20% of what is         negotiate a commission as part
billed above your monthly base,      of your overall package.
and you billed $30,000, it would
be roughly $2,000 ($30,000 -
$20,000 x 20%). Thus, your 
monthly income would be              (888) 234-6159
     While accepting the first po-
sition that you are offered seems
like a good idea, don’t jump

Describe that Disease!
By Christina Tam
Pathology Enthusiast

Word of the month:

The sound of your heart not just sinking in your chest but hit-
ting rock bottom, when you realize that spring break is over.
-Nicole Jaggi (2014)

Like Cankers, only they are imaginary ulcers that appear on vet
student asses after a long day of lectures, and you cannot sit
still any longer.
-Jennifer Gibson (2014)

One who is incapable of being krunk, soulless like the Others
beyond the Wall.
Example: That girl Kayla? She kunkers!”                                Herp Dee DerpS
-Lil Jon (2020)                                                        By David Kim
(Adj): state where vet students are so intoxicated they can no
longer pronounce the letter ‘r’ (as in krunk).                             Sweet Aloo Gobis, a year         begged, cajoled, and threatened
Example: Megan got so kunkers last night she started rambling          has done gone and passed by. It      to contribute to our humble
about ‘adial ne’ve pa’alysis.                                          always gives me a lot of pleasure    newspaper. Lastly, a big thank
-V Bayer (J-Pop America Fun Time Now)                                  to be able to provide a outlet for   you to my fellow editor-in-chief,
                                                                       creativity, ranting, or random       Ms. Mehrkens, for tolerating my                                                     thoughts to my fellow students,      anal tendencies and humoring
                                                                       and this year has been full of       my eccentricities.
                                                                       surprises from lecture doodles           And just in case you haven’t
                                                                       and new cartoons to wild goose       heard, despite exhorbitant
                                                                       chases involving looking for a       backing from both the GOP and
     Official Factoid of the Month                                     piece of rubber poo. A huge hug
                                                                       to all the regular staff writers
                                                                                                            democratic parties to replace us,
                                                                                                            your favorite editor duo will be
     The vapor pressure of sevoflurane is 160 mmHg at 20 °C!           for staying with us throughout       back for another year with prom-
                                                                       the year, Mr. Gregory Bishop,        ises of more poop, more drama,
                                                                       past editor-in-chief for showing     and more unprofessionalism to
                                                                       me the ropes of the biz, Vivian      keep you sane throughout the
                                                                       Wright for making our paper          school year. So until next fall,
                                                                       look legitimate, and all the         hasta luego mijos!
                                                                       other random writers Lea and I
Pet Personals             Emily Isaacs tapped into animal whispering at a young age, which allows her to pass
                          these ads on to you. If your pets are on the dating market, send in their pictures and a
                                                   few fun facts to:

          “Tess” Faubel
          Are you a fellow fan of Thomas Hardy literature? Read my namesake
          novel out loud to me, and I’ll show you who’s a “Pure Woman Faith-
          fully Presented!” With my surplus white gene and purebred Brittany
          stock, I’m one lady whose pedigree really checks out. Dream date:
          practicing K9 nosework together— you hide and I’ll seek! Likes: bird
          watching and pointing at crows, begging for treats with tricks. Dis-
          likes: long commutes to school (but spending that time with my mom
          Melinda makes it all worth it!).

          “Quincy” Barksdale-Yahn-Richey-Turtletrouser (né Richey)
          I’m a five year old lab who’s eager to make you my plaything. Sure
          it looks like I perpetually have crack and powdered sugar around
          my lips, but cuddle time with you is the only drug I need to make it
          through the day. Dream date: Knit and Purl time at the Beer Shoppe
          with all my favorite gal pals. Likes: chewing up important pieces of
          outgoing mail like bill payments (this love machine doesn’t need utili-
          ties to get down to business), using my outside voice inside, relaxing
          in my loaner chair. Dislikes: Smoke alarms, the sound of sizzling when
          Christine makes dinner, frizzy curly hair.

          “Pippen” Lewis
          Looking for your German prince? Come visit me on my pasture, and
          I’ll woo you with my wienerschnitzel. I’m a 19 year old Oldenburg,
          who’s still up to compete and win against the young’ns, so don’t take
          my age for granted! Ask mom Courtney - I still give a great ride!
          Dream date: coming first in jumping at the World Equestrian Games
          with you cheering for me in the stands. Likes: rootbeer candy, bit-
          ing the people I love most, cribbing (I have too many endorphins to
          handle!). Dislikes: adult diapers, equine lederhosen, not getting my
          bran mashes in the morning.

                                                               “Max “Peery”
          Want to date People’s Sexiest Puppy Alive? I’m an adorable little guy
          with a distinguished salt-and-pepper hair coat, who’s frequently mis-
          taken for George Clooney. Will you be the Robin to my Batman? Be-
          lieve me when I say it just takes one night with me, and I’ll have you
          Up in the Air. Dream date: hiking with you on a cool spring day and
          eating s’mores under the stars. Likes: snuggling, camping, destroy-
          ing full garbage bags. Dislikes: unchewed shoes (must change that),
          paparazzi, not being Alli’s first abdominal ultrasound patient.

          “Maya” Denenholz
          I’m a beautiful 8 year old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel hoping to
          cuddle my way into your heart! After a night of passion with me, I’ll
          have you screaming for more (and since I’m now hearing-deficient, I
          don’t mind how loud you yell). Due to a recent and successful opera-
          tion, I’m anal sac-free and ready to share this great smelling and newly
          svelte body with a hunky man! Must love vet trips as much as I do!
          Dream date: dinner for two at the vet hospital with Heidi as chef/head
          wet can food opener. Likes: eating cat poop, eating in general, Latin
          American culture, ensuring everything is in order around the house.
          Dislikes: breaking up fights between my two cats.

                                               2012 AVMA
    SCAVMA                                     CONVENTION
    CORNER                                FREE FOR SAVMA MEMBERS,
                                               WHICH MEANS YOU!!

           SCAVMA Funding:
    These deadlines apply to CLUBS and
      • No funding for the months of
      • UPDATE!!! August now offers
          retroactive funding!!!

            WORKING FOR YOU!
                                           • FREE FOR SAVMA MEMBERS.
    CONTACT IF YOU      All of our current UC Davis
                                             SCAVMA Members have been
                                             signed up with SAVMA (we do
                                             this automatically for you at the
                                             beginning of registration)
                                           LOCATION: SAN DIEGO, CA!
           EVENTS – HOW CAN WE USE
                                             WHEN: August 4-7, 2012!
           EFFICIENTLY?                    • Must register by July 9th !
           STUDENTS                          avma12/public/enter.aspx

 By Maggie Lin
 E av E s d r o P P E r
Dr. Meyers: “It’s easier than an      into my testicles!!!’” -1st year   because I’m very nerdy.”-Dr.        spasms= heart palpitations at
injection; all you have to do is                                         Raybould                            women’s beauty.
suture it to her vagina.”             “That’s why I like playing with                                        2nd year male: Oh god, here it
2nd year female: “Ummm...I’ll         him.” -Dr. Tablin referring to Dr. “Diarrhea is like pornography -     comes.
take the injection, please!”          Owens                              it’s hard to define but we all know 2nd year female: Respiratory
                                                                         it when we see it.” -Dr. MacLach- distress= out of breath because
“The moral of the story is chill      “I got nailed senior year!” -Dr.   lan                                 of women’s intelligence, death
out.” – Dr. Lowenstein                Bain, referring to being kicked by                                     = can’t live without amazing
                                      a horse                            Dr. Wisner: “Careful! Don’t cross women. Duh
2nd years hard at work on Face-                                          the beams!” (referring to two laser
book, studying for their reproduc-    “Pathogens are like drunks on      pointers being used)                “Jeez Dr. Lowenstine, don’t get
tion final...                         bikes. They don’t go around cor- Dr. Johnson: “We once had a 462 cute with us.” -2nd year regarding
Margaret Wixson: Udderly              ners well.” -Dr. MacLachlan        class where that happened. Blew “dit dots”
teatious... How am I going to                                            the whole front row out.”
mammorize all this by tomorrow?       Regarding a large animal on the                                        “There will be no butt-sucking on
Megan Schutte: Guess you will         surgery prep table:                “What chu know about goat           my watch!” -Linda Souza, talking
just have to cyst and study...        4th year: Can I take the animal’s  urine?” -2nd year in response to    to OKP kittens, one of which kept
Don’t worry, it will all be ovary     temperature?                       seeing fellow classmate getting     suckling another one
soon.                                 Doctor: Are you married?           urinated on in the face
Margaret Wixson: Let’s milk this      4th year: No, why?                                                     “If my scope is too small to get
for all it’s worth, Megan.            Doctor: Then don’t take the        “When I retire, I’m going to        to the area of interest, who cares
Megan Schutte: As a cervix to our     animal’s temperature, because      eat freely of corn fritters.” -Dr.  how skilled I am?” -Dr. Marks
fellow students?                      its legs aren’t tied down yet, and Pesavento
Gina Newbold: (mor)GAG(nian)          we wouldn’t want your face to be                                       “Don’t be afraid to fart around in
Katie Chiu: Gah, if I had a nipple    kicked in.                         “[When touching a client], I rec- the system.” -Dr. Jandrey, regard-
for every time I heard a dumb                                            ommend against the two B’s - butt ing VMACS
joke...                               4th year: Why do you have your     and breast.” -Dr. Clark
Margaret Wixson: One more for         dog laying on a blanket in the                                         “There’s a lot of sucking and
the night...I know all my ovarian     lobby?                             “The Turd Tracker 3000--            blowing going on in this class.”
neoplasms, but adenoma cysts.         Dog breeder client: I have my      couldn’t you just watch this all    -2nd year during anesthesiology
                                      breeding bitches lay on towels at day long?” -Dr. Raybould
“Every once in a while in lab, I      vet hospitals because the floors                                       “It’s like the kama sutra, but with
see a tooth flying through the air.   are dirty. I had a breeding bitch  “I bet if it were ‘Planet of the    poop.”-a dirty 2nd year male
That is an indication that improp-    get pyometra at the vet before.    Apes’ and we got enslaved and
er technique has been used.” -Dr.     In the student’s mind: WTF? Sure. were pets, I would totally be        “If this quote makes it in that
Verstraete                            Floors = pyometra.                 popular as a pet!” -2nd year        strange little newspaper, I’m suing
                                      What the 4th year really said:                                         someone.” -Dr. Owens
“You should extract the tooth, the    That’s interesting. Here, I will   Dr. Marks: “You want to feed
whole tooth, and nothing but the      wipe off the scale with a Clorox   the dog a bland diet. What do we
tooth.” -Dr. Verstraete               wipe before we weigh your dog      mean by ‘bland diet’?”
                                      as you seem concerned about        First year: “My mother’s cook-      Heard something inappropriate
“I was almost castrated by a swan     pyometra.                          ing?”                               or professionally unacceptable
once.” -2nd year male                                                                                        lately? Send your quotes to:
                                      “If a biscotti is a twice baked    2nd year female: I’m putting my
“I think, deep down, every night      cookie, then is cookie in french   money on the black widow. 
you think about my jungle vines.”     scotti?” -2nd year student         2nd year male: But only a female
-1st year                                                                black widow.
                                      “You can put anything anywhere 2nd year female: It’s cuz females
“During lab, one of my classmates     if you’ve got enough lube.” -Dr.   are better at everything
was swinging his stethoscope          Perry                              2nd year male: Better at causing
around and tried to smack me                                             muscle spasms, respiratory dis-
with it, but instead hit himself in   “Whenever you think about a        tress and death. Yeah, sure.
the family jewels. Right when he      meal, you think of Pavlov. Well,   2nd year female: All of those
did it he said, ‘I followed through   I guess I always think of Pavlov   things sound good to me. Muscle

                                                                                                                    Answers on Page 8

ACROSS:                              fourth years care for all those    ate throughout the building, and     7. Tiger seen at the Large Ani-
2. We use them to sign up for        pets they’ve collected in vet      I still find those OKP buggers       mal Clinic for a cancerous toe
things, to compile things and        school.                            cute.                                amputation.
generally organize our lives via     14. Club event that I really       2. The magical head collar that      9. It clicks, it buzzes, it goes out
gmail into an all-access record.     wanna go to, but it’s always on    is the only tool in controlling      only to challenge each lecturer’s
4. That classroom inundated by       a weekend, but it’s full of re-    your dog on a walk. Nonny is         technological skills (in the 2nd
construction noise leading to        ally good talks and educational    not yet impressed since she’s too    year class we all start staring at
rumors of giant rats in the ceil-    opportunities and I feel guilty    busy trying to get something off     Jaron to fix it).
ing, mythical dolphins calling       when I don’t go.                   her face.                            11. That super nice guy who
for us or aliens finally coming to   15. That charming pit bull mak-    3. Those canines that have           does his best to help us be com-
abduct students.                     ing the foster rounds among vet    contributed to our education this    passionate veterinarians when
8. That service for homeless pets    students and receiving some        past school year and are now         we grow up.
being turned over to the class of    amazing nursing care for major     looking for loving homes.            13. How minutes long a lecture
2015 (Good Luck!).                   burns - all with a fantastic at-   5. Money-making cinema phe-          is supposed to be (for 2nd and
10. She’s a first year artist who    titude.                            nomenon that dominated movie         3rd years at least). I’m not
tackles human portraits (and my      DOWN:                              theaters in April that I still       gonna lie. My 10 minute break
lil’ sib!)                           1. They are everywhere, they       haven’t found the time to see.       is my lifeline.
12. SCAVMA program to help           poop, they suckle and they have    6. She’s a second year artist with
out the super busy soon to be        high pitched meows that perme-     a penchant for animal portraits.

 Where’s my Poo Contest tHe MuppetS
                                                                         By Kat Burt
                                                                         MoviE lovEr

                                                                              I specifically waited to write   per, is yet another example of a
                                                                         about this movie until it was         moment when I thought for cer-
                                                                         available on DVD for you all          tain I wasn’t going to enjoy the
                                                                         to appreciate. This is, probably,     movie. I mean, he’s a stereo-
                                                                         the best of the many, many mov-       typical rich businessman out to
                                                                         ies I viewed last year. It is “The    get something for nothing. Not
                                                                         Muppets.”                             exactly unique. Then he laughs-
                                                                              This is a polarizing movie. I    or rather, doesn’t. Richman
                                                                         predict that anyone who sees it       can’t laugh, so he says, “Mania-
                                                                         will either love it as much as I do   cal laugh” anytime he needs to.
                                                                         or, quite frankly, just not get it.   Ridiculous? Definitely! But it
                                                                         Which is fine- I understand. Be-      works. His musical number oc-
                                                                         lieve me, over the years, I have      curs in his office and at one point

                                                                         experienced quite frequently the      he opens a door to what I think is
                                                                         semi-tilted heads, one eyebrow        supposed to be a closet or bath-
                                                                         raised, slightly furrowed brows       room and out comes a series of
                                                                         of friends, family, co-workers        showgirls ready to dance and
Congratulations to Emily Isaacs (’15) and Nicole Jaggi (’14) for         and acquaintances when asked          sing backup for him. Richman
recovering the March poo from “Breed’n Betsy,” located in the            about my favorite movies. It’s        keeps showgirls in his bathroom
                    “Thing Lab” in M.P.T.!                               okay. For those of you who            just for musical numbers- how
                                                                         experience this after watching        evil is that! I couldn’t help but
     You, too, can win the           first to bring me the poo and       “The Muppets”, I understand.          admire him!
NEXT Where’s My Poo Con-             answer the questions correctly      For those of you who understand           The plot is typical Muppet-
test. In case you didn’t read        wins the prize. I will then         the joy of this movie, I like you     dom. They have to get the gang
the Rules in the last “Waggie”,      re-hide the poo in a new spot       more already.                         together to save something they
here they are again:                 and present new clues when               Okay, so you may not know        love. But there is a grown up
     I’ll hide a fake latex poo      the next Waggie is issued, and      the Muppets. You may not have         element to it. Gonzo is running
pile somewhere around the vet        I’ll continue this crappy game      been raised on their hijinks, sung    a plumbing business, Fozzie is
school, which can include Val-       until: a) you get bored with it,    along with their songs, experi-       working with an alternate group
ley Hall, MPT, VM3A, Gour-           b) I get bored with it, or c) the   enced their many adventures,          (the “Moopets”), and Miss
ley, the VMTH and associated         poo mysteriously disappears—        and so on like I did, but I still     Piggy is working for fashion in
buildings, Schalm Hall, etc.-        perhaps flushed by an attentive     think you’ll enjoy this movie.        Paris. All of the other Muppets
-either in one of the buildings      custodian (ha!).                         I admit that I was worried.      have moved on with their lives,
or perhaps outdoors--and pro-        -Robin Houston, 1130B MPT           The movie opens with a cheesy,        but they all come together to try
vide some clues in the Wag-          (754-0138) and 1013 VMTH            joyful, chipper number sung by        and save the Muppet studio.
gie to help you find my poo.         (752-3280)                          a prancing Jason Segel (“Gary”)           The message of the movie-
Once you find my poo, you                                                and his Muppet brother Walter.        hope, love, family, etc- is great
will bring it back to me, but        This month’s clue:                  It didn’t seem like my kind of        for a family movie. There are
that’s not all--there’s a learning                                       movie- shocking, I know, that         plenty of laughs for kids and
objective here-- Attached to         Find what these VMTH                such happiness would be deal          adults, songs that are both clever
the poo, quite literally, will be    patients have in common and         breaker for someone with my           and catchy, and a great many
3 parasitological questions that     let that observation and your       generally bubbly personality-         cameos that require several
you must answer correctly to         hypothalamus be your guides         but I held on, in hopes that it       viewings to catch. I absolutely
win the prize. You should al-        as you trek to VMD407L:             would become as awesome as I          think that most people would
ready know the answers IF you                                            wanted it to be. And it was. A        find something to love in this
have taken VMD405, but you           24-21-80                            few minutes later, it showed the      movie- but I would not be sur-
(especially first year students      39-98-71                            decrepit Muppet Studios and           prised if several members of
who won’t have had this expe-        23-86-53                            Alan Arkin appears as a sarcas-       the population do not, due to its
rience) are welcome to look up       91-05-24                            tic, unenthusiastic tour guide. I     eclectic and kind of silly nature.
the answers on the Internet or       66-52-74                            held hope for the movie then.         But because you reading this,
other source, and then present                                                Then there’s the villain. Tex    you must be a reasonably won-
them when you bring my poo                                               Richman, played by Chris Coo-         derful human being and so I pre-
back to me. Only one winner
per edition of the game; the
                                                                                             see MUPPETS, continued on page 8
ONEHEALTH, continued from page 1                                           MUPPETS, continued from page 7
nouncement that “Animal blood        student volunteers, students           -dict that you will love it.
cells look different from human      swapped between finding the
blood cells” and we got tons of      major abdominal organs and             Watch this movie if: You have any nostalgia for the Muppets or
amazed comments on our evalu-        learning to do a physical exam         want to meet them for the first time.
ation forms like “reptiles and       on dogs. One of the best sugges-       Don’t watch this movie if: You don’t like the Muppets. But since
birds have nucleated red blood       tions for improvement was to do        there isn’t anyone out there, everyone should watch it.
cells, who knew?!” Dr. Conrad        a comparative ultrasound lab so        Best song: Tex Richman’s. There’s a sing along bouncy ball for it,
and Robin then lead everyone         that we could switch off between       too!
through a microscope-driven          finding human and animal or-
tour into the land of zoonotic       gans, so keep an eye out for that
parasites and fecal floats. Robin    volunteer request in your inbox
even pulled out parasite slides      from now on. Overwhelming
that I hadn’t seen: human head       positive enthusiasm and feed-
and pubic lice.                      back from our participants and
The overwhelming high point          professor volunteers has ensured
of the day, unsurprisingly, was      that this was the first, but won’t
when attendees had the chance        be the last, UCD One Health
for a little furry one-on-one time   Day.
while ultrasounding a canine
patient. Lead by Dr. Spriet,
Dr. Kaplan and numerous vet

                                                           Magic Eye
                                                              By Dr. Doodle Little
                                                               asPiring artist

 6. Jessicagiem 7. Spanky 9. Microphone 11. Jimclark 13. Fifty                    Questions? Complaints? Good soup recipes?
 Down:1. Kittens 2. Gentleleader 3. Colonydogs 5. Thehungergames                        Send em over to the editors at:
                                                                                  Lea Mehrkens -
 10. Kaywicinas 12. Seniorbuddyprogram 14. Symposium 15. Sparky
 Crossword Answers: Across: 2. Googledocs 4. Tentwenty 8. Mercer
                                                                                       David Kim -
Davis HEROINE Watch
     On April 1st just before            On April 3rd, pest control     that she was 100% feral and not
bed time, Melanie Spadaro, the      went up to examine the attic        going to let anybody take her
stunning second year brunette       and found Momma Cat and             or her babies. After a thorough
hailing from Westlake Village,      her babies nested in the very       application of the WISECOACH
California, heard intermittent      back of the attic behind the air    model, Miss Spadaro decided
mewing sounds coming from her       conditioning vent. Pest control     for the time being to prudently
ceiling and continued randomly      then invited Miss Spadaro up to     retreat, only to promptly slip on
throughout the night. Living in     the attic to show her where they    a beam, falling straight through
West Davis near neighboring         were located and suggested call-    the ceiling into the hallway, a
fields, one would have auto-        ing animal control.                 whole 9 feet down. Miracu-
matically assumed that there             When animal control arrived    lously, Miss Spadaro not only
was a rodent problem amiss,         at the scene, the officer immedi-   survived the fall, but suffered
but having earned an A+ in          ately shrieked, “We don’t do at-    no internal hemorrhage. When
doctoring for two years straight,   tics! At all!” He said he would     asked about the fall, Miss Spad-
Miss Spadaro used her critical      return in a day or two with a       aro replied, “After I fell my first
thinking skills to deduce that      trap with which Miss Spadaro        thoughts were ‘Oh no, oh God!!!       them down. Six kittens in total
the sounds were that from a         could catch mom, collect the        Who’s going to pay for this???        were rescued, estimated to be
kitten. The next morning, she       kittens, and bring the happy        Now the cat has direct access         2-3 days old with their umbilical
immediately called the property     family to the shelter. Frustrated   into the house!!!’ To be hon-         cords still attached. They were
managers, who sent pest control     at the ineffective bureaucracy      est, I didn’t even for a second       initially noted to be quiet and
to check out the problem.           of mankind and armed with her       stop to see if I was ok. I knew I     ataxic, and two of them were
                                    problem solving ability that        hadn’t significantly hurt myself      presumed to be dead. However,
                                    got her into vet school, Miss       or break any bones, which was         with some TLC, they perked up,
                                    Spadaro decided to go back up       good, but I really didn’t check       and all the kittens survived over-
                                    to the attic to throw some food     myself until much later that          night with the rental company
                                    to Momma Cat. While most            night.” Amanda Silverman, her         manager. The next day they
                                    people would be afraid to go        first year roommate, sympatheti-      were all brought to OKP and
                                    explore the dark and dusty upper    cally had this to say about the       have since been placed in foster
                                    area, Miss Spadaro confidently      situation: “The upside was that it    care.
                                    replied, “I’m no stranger to        wasn’t into my bedroom.”                   Congratulations to Melanie
                                    attics. I’ve been up in our attic        The rental company was           Spadaro for her valiant efforts
                                    at home plenty of times. The        then called, who temporarily          in her dedication and persever-
                                    difference is the house I live      patched up the hole and noted         ance to saving animals without
                                    in here in Davis is much older      that the mom had gone, which          any regard for her own physical
                                    and the beams were much nar-        enabled the handyman to get ac-       safety. The Waggie salutes you!
                                    rower.” However, upon locking       cess to the kittens and bring
Do NOT try this at home kids...     eyes with Momma, she realized

                    Dear SartoriuS J.o.e
                    Your trustworthy guide to all of life’s problems

Dear Sartorious,                   lar combination of J-booze is       gestions: Do the dance with no     nitely have something here.
                                   referred to as the “Four Horse-     pants in the morning or have her
Why is it that I feel like pariah  men.” We do not recommend it        go to bed early then wake her      Yo Joe Cool!
now that I have dropped small      for your 21st birthday drink of     up… or not, either way.            Since a young pup, I’ve heard
animal medicine?                   choice.                                                                much about the sacred Smoker.
                                                                       Dear Sartorious Joe-               Now that its coming is near, how
Sincerely,                        Hey Sartorious,                      I thought it was pretty hilari-    do I prepare myself physically,
A second year defector              My girlfriend tries to stay        ous when the first years started   mentally, and spiritually for this
                                  awake but always passes out be- a good month before us, but             holy and life changing event?
To hell with them. No Small       fore I am done studying for my now that they get out a month
Animal classes is the way to go. 36 units of class, so we haven’t before us, it’s just not that funny -Hot Dog Doug
Those judging judgers are just    had sex in months. What do I         anymore. Would it be possible to
jealous you justly jettisoned the do?                                  make them stay another month       My advice is to start drinking
junk from your journey though                                          just to aid the mental health of   heavily. Workout that liver, and
this jungle. While they are       Yours truly,                         the rest of the school?            get it prepared for the wonders
jaundiced, mainlining Java and      Sexually Frustrated                                                   that will be bestowed upon it.
jumbling over different joints in                                      I think that sounds like a won-
jeopardy, you will be eating jam- Really? You can’t figure this out derful idea. They can come to
balaya, jubilantly jamming to     on your own? Are you sure you the clinics and give the fourth           Do you need some advice?
Janis Joplin and playing Jenga can handle vet school? I really         years a break or set up massage Questions can be sent to:
while sipping Jack, Jim, Johnny, don’t know if I should be helping tables in the Foyer for everyone.
and/or Jose*.                     you out with know         I think you should draw up a
                                  survival of the fittest and all, but plan for this, and we can present
*Editor’s note: This particu-     I will give you a couple of sug-     it to the administration. We defi-

                                                            By Alina Kelman

    Third Annual Waggie Essay Contest
         Here are the entries in the third annual California Waggie Essay Contest! Contestants responded to one of two prompts,
         and the winners in each category will be awarded a $100 check. A poll will be sent out after printing for a student vote.

 Category #1:
 What do you think is an important challenge facing the future of veterinary medicine?
 This can be any issue you think is important regarding veterinary medicine, veterinary education, or practice that is an emerging issue for
 our profession. Explain why you feel it is important and how it is different from previous issues.

Human Exceptionalism
By Katherine Burt

    The prompt this year for the     if given time- in fact, almost        We are discovering things            and we need to embrace our role,
SVME scholarship essay is on         certainly, given enough time- an-     about our fellow Earth-dwellers      in order to steer the applica-
human exceptionalism- the idea       other species could do the same.      every day, and we are slowly         tion of human exceptionalism
that humans, due to their inherent   Perhaps I am wrong to believe         eliminating perceived differences    to the betterment of all animals,
unique qualities, are granted a      that humans are above any other       between species. Of course, the      whether we place ourselves in
special place in nature. I didn’t    species. After all, it is difficult   very fact that we are doing that     that category or not. We need to
write the essay, but it did spur     to argue my superiority when          research sets us apart as unique,    be aware of the debate so that we
me to consider the philosophy        my Chihuahua outsmarts me at          does it not? And down the rabbit     can be aware of client opinions
behind human exceptionalism          the treat bin or when my feline       hole we go, Alice….                  so that we can be aware of how
and its impact on veterinary         companions have me trained to             Honestly, I doubt very much      to deal with the situation when
medicine.                            answer every desire. There are        that it matters which way our        someone says, “That dog is my
    I found it difficult to argue    stories of dolphins saving hu-        beliefs fall, because it is the      family”, “It’s just a cow”, or
that humans do not occupy a          mans, of elephants showing com-       application of those beliefs that    many other references to the role
special place. As I write this, I    passion, of animals using tools       we should care about. If I, as a     of an animal in human lives.
type on a keyboard attached to       or displaying pain, fear, grief, or   veterinarian, believe in the su-          I believe that humans are
circuitry powered by a cord con-     other very “human” emotions.          periority of humans, I can either    exceptional, but that does not
nected to a source of electricity    Do these animals eliminate the        choose to treat other species        give them license to be cruel.
harnessed by humans. I would         “unique qualities” claim, or do       with the grace of a benefactor, or   As Wesley J. Smith put it in his
hardly expect any animal to do       they demonstrate characteristics      with the tyranny of an oppres-       book A Rat is a Pig is a Dog is
the same. Is that because the in-    of their own species, rendering       sor. If I believe in our equality,   a Boy, “… if being human isn’t
herent “intelligence” biologically   their own exceptionalism? How         then I can respond as a friend or    what requires us to treat animals
granted to humans somehow            do we respond to this?                a competitor. We veterinarians       humanely, what in the world
grants us superiority? Perhaps,           I looked into the research.      present a unique vantage point,      does?”

Crash of 2011
By Sharon Ostermann

     I would do anything for my      for months.                           fused. That’s what happens when      gifts we want to give our loved
pets. I’d pay any price for them          Upon hitting the ground          faced with $200,000 in loans.        ones for the holidays, much less
to receive the medical care they     I started wiggling my fingers              I’m not the only one facing     cards to simply let them know
need and deserve. I am a future      & toes while numbers raced            important decisions, complicated     we’re thinking of them. It’s a
veterinarian; I know the impor-      through my head. Ambulance,           by an ever-increasing accumu-        struggle, but we’ll get through it.
tance of caring for one’s health     ER, radiographs, MRI, the             lation of negative money. My              Right?! I mean, that’s what
and yet my accumulation of           works! I lay there for 30 minutes     classmates stress because they       our professors tell us. They hear
negative money (i.e. debt) pre-      before I could even sit up. When      can’t afford proper sustenance       our grievances, chuckle and
vented me from seeking medi-         I did, the medical professional       because it “costs too much to        insist, “You’ll figure it out.” Yet
cal attention when a freak rock      inside of me screamed. I knew I       eat healthy.” And it’s bittersweet   I look at them, bewildered, and
climbing accident incapacitated      needed an ambulance, but I re-        when we aren’t able to afford the    ask, “How?!”

                                                                                                 see CRASH, continued on page 12
CRASH, continued from page 11

     They’ve no words of wisdom        doing just that. It’s an act of        sold? While many of us hope to      accident and my back still hasn’t
or advice but insist that because      desperation that will destroy their    own a practice, how can we af-      healed. It may never heal. It took
other veterinarians “figured it        credit, but when it comes down to      ford it when we are drowning in     5 months before conceding that
out” that we will too. Let’s not       survival, you do what you have         educational debt?                   I needed to change what I was
forget that the debt that students     to. It’s not surprising that, facing       The future of the veterinary    doing if I wanted to divert off the
face now is higher than ever, and      these challenges, veterinarians        profession depends upon col-        path toward chronic, crippling
it’s not increasing in proportion      now outrank dentists for the high-     laboration between the two          back pain. Sure, it’s cost me; and
to salaries. But apparently, we’ll     est suicide rate.                      generations of veterinarians to     like the future of the veterinary
figure it out.                              Clearly that’s not the reputa-    create sustainability at a time     profession, it’s not just about
     Yet I believe that, in their      tion we want.                          of economic hardship for all. If    seeing the impact of the hardship
minds, “figuring it out” doesn’t            Need I remind the older           we join forces to invoke change,    today, but, more importantly, hav-
involve defaulting on our loans.       generations of veterinarians that      everyone will be better off.        ing the foresight to see the impact
However, some students are             their practices will need to be            A year has passed since my      of the hardship for years to come.

  Category #2:
  Write a short, humorous piece about vet school.
  Fiction, nonfiction, historical fiction, or science fiction, get your classmates to chuckle and the prize is yours!

By Joseph Quinlan

     The fire is blazing as I sit in   the cows have been consistent for      classes go uneventful and Face-     show for it… there is only one
my chair, my hound nestled on          the last week. Should I copy the       book and keeps        thing to do. DRINK. The Grad is
the rug in front of the hearth. I      records or go find a stethoscope       me entertained. A few emails        just down the road and makes for
grab my mug full of mead, gulp         somewhere and be late for my           about kittens and dogs needing      a good place to start drowning my
down half, and yell “MORE              classes? The numbers get copied,       homes quickly get deleted, some     sorrows. $150 dollars later, even
MEAD.” My beautiful wife               and I run to class.                    CERE announcement emails fol-       honey badgers have more craps
saunters in with a pitcher. She            Making it just in time, I pull     low suit. Another Gourley email     to give. When no craps can be
smiles and says, “Here you are         out my computer and, dear God,         makes it into my inbox. It seems    given, driving is still a wonderful
my dear,” and slams the pitcher        no power cord. I bum some cord         3 cows are recumbent and febrile.   idea.
onto my head.                          time from a neighbor and try to        I jet to Gourley, and Dr. C ques-    Headed home (in the wrong
     I awake and see I am in my        download the lecture, yet the          tions me about the morning. The     direction) using the road Braille
bed and it is 7:40am. I am late…I      wonderful internet quits working       grilling continues for an hour,     to keep on track. All of a sud-
was supposed to check on the ani-      again. Halfway through the class,      and it becomes apparent I really    den 15 bicyclists in their god-
mals at 7. I jump out of bed, put      I get the lecture downloaded and       didn’t do my job. Dr. C sends       awful Davis cycling shirts come
my coveralls and muck boots on,        up pops an email from Gourley.         me to Dr. L, and he notices I       out of nowhere. SWERVE.
grab a Cliff bar, and then jump in     They noticed I haven’t submitted       am already on academic proba-       LIGHTPOLE. SWERVE. TREE.
the truck.                             the reports to VMLF yet. So the        tion because of a poor grade in a   CRASH, BAM, BOOM, beep,
     Getting to Gourley in record      remainder of the class I write out     class. Dr. L sends me to the Dr.    beep, beep.
time, I start my evaluation on the     the reports and submit them, not       L, and he lays the hammer down.          It is 6:38am… time to get up
first cow only to find I left my       taking anything in from the cur-       Expelled.                           and check on the cows.
stethoscope at home. What to do?       rent lecture.                               What am I going to do?
I look at the record and see all           The remainder of the day,          $150,000 in debt, and nothing to

Noshing Your Way to a Standout Event
By Emily Issacs

    Springtime has bloomed in          shaving), and each class has at        Smoker Advent Calendar slowly       order since Jim Clark overtook
the halls of Valley. Lunchtime has     least two new couples eager to         whittling away, the last weeks      orientation. Yes, club elections
moved outside, scrub pants are         mimic bonobo mating rituals.           of class represent the greatest     are upon us. And while the nomi-
now capris (PSA: please resume         With Picnic Day over and the           change to the vet school social     nations are still open, one thing

2                                                                                                     see NOSH, continued on page 13
see NOSH, continued from page 12

is certain—change in leadership        strategic use of food to draw the     meal and serving pizza instead        guns with Togo’s and Chinese,
reflects major transformations in      right crowd at the right time of      is poor etiquette (and led to the     and you’ll keep your attendance
student responsibility. Many a         the year. Numerous leaders have       infamous downfall of the SVM          high throughout the semester.
president has experienced stress-      discovered that food can boost at-    Taxidermy Club). On the other         Likewise, know your audience.
induced alopecia and treasurers        tendance at their events, but only    hand, if you’re providing food        Mercer volunteers depend on
begin balancing checkbooks             those with careful masterminding      you have every right to hire          doughnuts and Caduceus mem-
while asleep. With so many new         of food distribution have found       bodyguards to barricade the door      bers crave their burgers—if it’s
obligations on top of schoolwork       true success with this lure. Well     so shoplifters stay for the talk.     a regular event and you’re doing
and the occasional social outing,      today is your lucky day—in my              The real secret is know-         well, stick to it.
what is the average overachieving      vain attempt to make a few new        ing when to order what type                So over the summer, forget
vet student to do?                     friends, I will share my deep in-     of food. Many clubs will load         organizing events and instead
     Fret no more peons-of-today-      sight into the correct use of food    on great food at the beginning        start planning your menus.
leaders-of-tomorrow! Whether           in the world of clubs.                of terms, which is the wrong          Remember the old saying— give
it’s CMC, SVECCS, VERT,                     First off, luring attendees      mentality. After spending their       a man a fish and you’ll feed him
VBMA, or *gasp no abbrevia-            with the promise of food and          life savings on food over break,      for a day. Teach a man to fish and
tion* Mercer, there is one age-old     then bailing when they arrive is      students are more willing to eat      serve a nice lunch spread, and
secret that will ensure your club’s    an absolute no-no. It’s not right,    anything you’ll hand them at the      your event will be the talk of the
success… food. While it’s no           the villagers will revolt, and the    beginning of the term. So give        town.
surprise that vet students will        resulting bloodbath might just        them the cheap stuff—pizza and
eat anything, the untold key to        devastate the club in the long run.   burritos. As they lose interest
successful events relies on clubs’     Likewise, promising a fantastic       over the weeks, pull out the big

A Surgery Report
By Katherine Burt

    The cat was placed in dorsal       but because the incompetent jerk      soon shattered when the second        continuous, ostensibly because it
recumbency and clipped using           didn’t express it prior to surgery,   ovary was harder to find than a       was faster but really to hide the
a #40 blade that wouldn’t have         it was kind of big. Luckily, the      free microwave during lunch.          surgeon’s shame in the depth of
cut butter on a hot day in Fresno.     assistant surgeon (not assistant      Bile rose in the surgeon’s throat     the cat’s abdomen. Four cruciate
Chlorhexadine and alcohol were         to) realized that the bladder was     but was quickly swallowed as          skin sutures were placed- if she
used both to sterilely prep the        important and wrapped it in           the pedicle was transected. The       had been competent, the surgeon
patient and revive the panicking       gauze soaked with saline from         cervix was found using both           would have only needed three,
student surgeon. Drapes were           the surgeon’s tears. The surgeon      uterine horns as landmarks and        but- well, no one expected that.
placed in a rectangular fashion,       stared bleakly into the abdomen,      a transfixation ligature was at-      Tattoo ink was placed liberally in
with enough space to allow for         thinking that this did NOT look       tempted, but since the surgeon’s      the caudal portion of the inci-
the inevitable screw-ups. Once         like the videos, and finally man-     a moron, she cut the tail too short   sion, insuring that everyone knew
draped and prepped, the patient        aged to locate a uterine horn and     and couldn’t finish. The ligation     the cat was spayed and should
was subjected to the surgeon’s         trace it to an ovary. A few things    was finished with much silent         never be opened to examine the
wild wielding of a #15 blade.          were ligated, while prayers were      swearing and perspiration, the        evidence… ever again. The
The hack managed to find the           muttered to Jesus, Buddha, Dr.        uterine body transected and the       animal was recovered far away
linea alba, but couldn’t manage        Pascoe, Cthulu, and Dr. Mayhew.       surgeon waved goodbye both            from the hands who had mangled
to cut it in a straight line- no one   The pedicle was transected, the       to the stump and to any hopes         her young, innocent body. The
was really surprised by this, in-      surgeon watching it sink back         of competency. The linea alba         surgeon promptly went to find
cluding the supervising staff, who     into the abdomen with the same        was closed in hideous simple          the closest purveyor of alcoholic
clucked their tongues and shook        slow speed as her surgical tech-      interrupted fashion, wasting so       beverages and was not heard
their heads, wondering why in the      nique. Momentary competence           much suture that the anesthetist      from for at least two hours.
world this student had ever been       appeared when the other uterine       was forced to run for more. The
allowed to touch an animal. The        horn was exteriorized with a          subcuticular and subcutaneous
bladder was digitally retroflexed,     spay hook. This illusion was          layers were closed with simple

    Space for Notes/Scratch Paper

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