Writing Workshop: Perfect Paragraph #2 by X5I3oJ

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									 Writing Workshop:
Perfect Paragraph #1
Introduction & topic sentence
  • o Barack Obama is going to be a great president.
    He is trying to fix the economy and bring home the
    soldiers in Iraq. This is making people like him. But
    no one knows for sure whether he can do these
    things. We just have to give him some time so his
    ideas can work. Republicans in Congress are afraid
    that he is becoming too popular. They might try to
    kill some of his ideas. Today, even in Europe and
    Africa, everybody knows who Barack Obama is.
  What makes this paragraph
          weak?
     • Barack Obama is going to be a great president. He is trying to
       fix the economy and bring home the soldiers in Iraq. This is
       making people like him. But no one knows for sure whether he
       can do these things. We just have to give him some time so his
       ideas can work. Republicans in Congress are afraid that he is
       becoming too popular. They might try to kill some of his ideas.
       Today, even in Europe and Africa, everybody knows who
       Barack Obama is.
• Topic sentence?
• Introduction?
Introductions are NOT usually
      topic sentences!!!
• Good intros draw the reader into a piece of
  writing.
• “Today Barack Obama gave his first speech
  on the economy.” vs…
• “Breadlines. Millions of workers without jobs.
  These are two of the consequences
  President Barack Obama today said could be
  avoided if Congress adopts his stimulus
  package. In his first official speech on the
  economy, the president……”
Simple vs. complex sentences

   キ     Simple sentences add “punch”, make a strong
    statement.
   キ     But, too many lead to “simple” paragraph:
    boring to read because it presents ideas that are not
    very well connected. In short: paragraph will not
    flow if composed of mostly short, simple sentences.
           “simple” example:
This is making people like him.

Barack Obama is going to be a great president.

They might try to kill some of his ideas.

Simple words to avoid: they, big, that, things….
       What Makes This Paragraph Stronger?


Barack Obama. Today, just the mention of this
  name brings smiles to the faces of people living
  in nations from Kenya to France. Why? The
  newly elected, 44th President of the United
  States has proposed policies designed to help
  improve the global economy and end an
  unpopular war in the Middle East. While some
  fear that Obama’s political rivals may try to
  undermine these policies, most people are
  confident that, given enough time, the new
  president’s policies will take effect.
Rewrite with a partner!! Add an
 intro & clear topic sentence.
Julius Caesar was kidnapped by pirates. This
 happened when he was 24 years old. He got
 the pirates to treat him well. He actually
 ordered them around. After he was
 ransomed, Caesar got revenge on the
 pirates. He sent soldiers after them. Then,
 he hung them. He crucified their bodies.
 This shows that Caesar would be a strong
 leader some day.
         Drawing a conclusion
• Good conclusions…
  – Don’t repeat what’s already been said
  – Do sum up what has been said…
     •   By using a quote…
     •   By making a comparison…
     •   By connecting to something else the reader may know…
     •   By analyzing the information presented…
     •   Read examples!!!

								
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