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The News, the Views, the beat the Blues, The Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Editor’s Welcome
Welcome to the first Trotter of 2013 or the last one of 2012, depending on when you are reading
this. The Trotter includes slightly off key reports on the major club events of the last month
including the last race of Club Championship, the pre-Christmas social and the last Parkrun before
Christmas. Again I have tried to make this edition light-hearted and hopefully enjoyable, just take it
with a pinch of salt. But before my ramblings, please read the Chairman’s.
Chairman’s Ramblings …………………
I was delighted to see the special edition of the new-look Trotter rushed out straight after the AGM.
Revived under the new editor David Preece, this keenly observed view of proceedings promises much
for the coming year and, even in this age of Twitterbook and forums and the like, I think a great
newsletter is still a good barometer for the health of any club. However, before you get on with
enjoying a great newsletter, David has asked me for a few thoughts on the Chairman’s view of the
past year and of the year to come.
2012 and all that
Before making any comment on this year’s achievements, let’s have a look at an introduction from
the Trotter of just a few years ago. Although a number of Burnden runners were punching above their
weight and picking up a few prizes, the club as a whole was still struggling a bit.
“Monday night training can be quite sparsely attended, we often fail to field a complete team in
Cross Country, it is only with a mammoth struggle that we can occasionally compete in a relay event,
we can no longer support such things as coach trips to races, and we are poorly represented at many
local races unless it is a club race. Whatever we do (and we do many things well), we cannot seem to
get beyond a total membership of forty odd with an active membership of around thirty”
These observations seem so far from the Burnden Roadrunners of 2012, that the successes of the past
year almost need no further comment. In fact, I’m not going to make any as the fantastic
achievements of the club both individually and as a team have been well documented this year and we
will celebrate some of them again at the Presentation Evening in February. Instead, here is a random
list of personal recollections from 2012. In no particular order and perhaps just meaningful to me,
these incidents amongst many others, capture much of the success of the past year.
1) Lad’s Leap Fell Race – Burnden take first prize for the MV50 Team in an English Championship
Fell Race causing much consternation among the fell running community. We couldn’t sustain
our challenge against the might of the big fell running clubs and eventually finished 5th overall in
the national championships. Nevertheless, this is a fantastic and unprecedented achievement for
Burnden.
2) An e-mail from new members Paul and Brenda Sedgwick expresses gratitude for the support they
have received from everyone at the club and the motivation this has given them to get involved in
more races and other running events. Paul commented “I am certain that without the club’s
support and encouragement such ambition would not have even been considered.” I hope this
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
sums up what Burnden are all about and shows that we achieving at least some of our aims.
Thanks to Paul and Brenda for their kind comments.
3) Turkey Trot Trail Race – Burnden runners stand out from the crowd, most notably Gari Jones in
full Smurf regalia and Holly Craggs Bah Humbug outfit. Have a look at the race photos!
4) It’s a problem to name names, because what about the achievements of all the people you don’t
mention. However, I clearly remember Maria Parkinson joining the New Starters as an absolute
beginner and Steve Riddle classing himself as a rather cautious Intermediate runner. A couple of
years on - and now look at them! If any aspiring runner wants a role model, look no further than
either of these two.
5) It’s not unusual to see at least 40 runners at Monday night training and, on at least two occasions
recently, I have counted in excess of 50. Top marks to the amazing Sue Booth and her thriving
New Starters group, David Preece’s more recent efforts with the Intermediate Group and Stew
Jones’ coaching of the main group which has even seen some guest appearances from top runners
from other clubs.
6) It’s great to see Burnden striving to cater for a full range of abilities, but never forget the sharp
end. Again it’s difficult to select individuals, but in Steve Nolan and Mel Walker, Burnden have
two veteran runners who could compete with the very best in their age group anywhere in the UK.
7) Keith Thomas is a hero. Despite sustaining a nasty injury, Keith still sprinted over the finish line
as part of the triumphant Burnden team at Lad’s Leap and was then officially labelled as “hard as
nails” by the Peak District Mountain Rescue Team. If Mountain Rescue classifies anyone as hard
as nails, then they are just that! During a subsequent fell race run in dreadful conditions, Keith
forgot his own ambitions to help a fellow runner who was showing signs of hypothermia after
scrambling up a waterfall between Scafell Pike and Scafell. Keith’s selfless efforts ensured that
they both got back safe and sound.
8) A glance at this year’s Club Championship table shows that 69 runners have so far participated.
Along with the membership currently standing at over 100 and a regular turn-out of 30 plus
runners at local races, this shows the healthy state of the club.
9) Neil Critchley is an Ironman, as well as club stalwart and tent-monitor. Neil’s great exploits to
complete this year’s UK Ironman also received support around the course by around half the
membership of the club, often co-ordinated with military precision. I believe that next years
Ironman will be attempted by five Burnden members - Neil Critchley, Martyn Pollitt, Izzy
Kneale, Steve Riddle and Rowan Ardill. In attempting what is arguably the ultimate athletic
achievement, they will all deserve our full support once again.
10) The camaraderie and spirit which surrounds the club tent at any cross country fixture is a joy and
makes any runner proud to be a member of Burnden.
Looking ahead to 2013
Although most runners don’t want to be the best, I believe that almost all aspire to be the best that
they can be. I would suggest that a runner who does not recognize this in themselves just hasn’t
realized it yet or won’t admit it to themselves. Fear of failure sometimes means that people set
themselves limits instead of targets, and don’t achieve some of the things they are really capable of.
I hope that Burnden is becoming a club that will help everyone to be the best that they can be, that
creates an environment to foster confidence and self-belief, and that motivates and supports
everyone to get what they want out of running. To this end, I hope that 2013 will see the following
progress:
1) Achieve a membership of 120 plus. Although not an end in itself, an increased membership
is the foundation for lots of other achievements throughout the club, both athletic and social.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 2 of 10
2) A greater interaction between the Intermediate and main groups will benefit everyone and
the club (to help achieve this, the start time of the Intermediates Group will change to 7pm
in 2013)
3) A popular and successful club race is crucial to Burnden’s continued development. I hope
everyone will support the Trotters 5 Race in 2013 in whatever way they can to ensure that it
great success.
4) Another important foundation of the club is the continued growth of the New Starters
Group. Sue is doing a fantastic job, but would always welcome more help. All members
who are able to do so are also encouraged to offer their help to David with coaching the
Intermediate Group and to Stewart training the main group
5) I would like to see the 2013 AGM elect a new Chairman for 2014. The club is in good
shape, but needs to continue to develop and grow. I believe that the vitality of the club is
continually enhanced by new faces and fresh ideas and, if the club itself is to be the best it
can be, we need to ensure that change and constant progress is encouraged.
Keep on running and Happy New Year!
I know the Chairman won’t consider it but The Trotter is of the firm opinion that the upturn
in the club’s fortune is due in no small measure to his guiding hand on the tiller and that the
real reason no one stood for Chairman was that everyone was all of the opinion that no one
could do a better job in 2013. Well done and thanks Mr Staveley.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 3 of 10
CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP ENDS IN A
MUD BATH
Special Report by our Correspondent
Red Rose Cross Country Leverhulme Park 15/12/12
Much mud was evident at Leverhulme Park, the scene of the last race in the Club Championship
calendar, pleasing many cross country aficionados and only the lack of a full scale downpour during
the race spoilt the enjoyment of the purists amongst the field. Burnden was well represented as
seventeen club members were prepared to run, crawl and generally slither for the amusement of the
gathered spectators. Also present at the event were several club members who although unable to
run on the day wished to provide support. Amongst these were Stew Jones with a damaged cruciate
ligament, Dave Preece with a dog related injury and Marcus Taylor who ’felt a little chesty’.
Unfortunately, although producing an excellent performance, young Liam Christie finished the
earlier race in an obvious state of distress, running to his father exclaiming ‘I love cross country’.
He was immediately taken to one side and given a plate of chips with red sauce to enable him to
recover his wits. Had he known, we are sure he would have gladly given one of his chips to Julie
Newton, who forwent her lunch hour to participate in the event. We hope she felt it was worth it.
The men’s race was remarkable for the performance of Keith Thomas, who could have won the
event had he not preferred to waste time collecting vast amounts of mud on the course and sticking
it to his legs and body. ‘I love mud.’ he said later, ‘It helps to keep me looking young’. However
his love of mud was exceeded by that of one of our member who during the race was ready to throw
himself onto the ground in a love embrace, only to realise at the last minute that he was being
watched and so quickly pretended that he had merely slipped going uphill. We won’t mention his
name to avoid embarrassing him, but you know who you are, Phil Holden.
.
Neil Critchley admits he would have finished
in a better time had he not stopped to pose for
pictures and sign autographs for his many
fans. To find out the reason for his star status
see ‘He’ll be Back’, later in the newsletter!
In the Ladies race Kirsty Normanton was first home for Burnden in a time of 24:29, 11th place
overall and first in the L40. In the longer men’s race, Keith Thomas was the first Burnden finisher
in a time of 42:42 and first in the V55. Congratulations to both Kirsty and Keith.
Burnden Ladies team was 5th and the ladies Vets team 3rd and Burnden’s Men’s team was 11th
overall, the Vets team 5th. Overall an excellent turnout from the club and all who participated in the
event acquitted themselves well.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 4 of 10
Full results of the Burnden Runners: - U17s - Liam Christie 29:26
Ladies - Kirsty Normanton 24:29, Anne Ferguson 26:03, Holly Craggs 26:07, Isaline Kneale
26:27, Sue Booth 31:26, Julie Newton 31:43, Maria Parkinson 35:18.
Men - Keith Thomas 42:42, Martyn Pollitt 44:19, Steve Riddle 46:15, Pete Hopley 48:11, Lee
White 48:35, Don Nichol 52:42, Paul Christie 53:37, Neil Critchley 56:10, Phil Holden 1:02:36.
‘BLUE’ SMURF
Hurst Green Turkey Trot 16/12/2012
Six Burnden Roadrunners were present in a field of 145 at the annual Turkey Trot 5 mile trail race
in Hurst Green near Clitheroe. There was a turkey for the winning man & lady together with a host
of prizes for category winners and the best outfits. All six Burnden runners appeared in fancy dress,
one as a Smurf, a Humbug and a Santa and three as Burnden Roadrunners. Having seen a
photograph of the costumes, we do question the choice of that Smurf outfit by Gari Jones. This
outfit was obviously designed for a lesser man and Gari managed to fully fill the crotch area
without, we are told, requiring additional padding. How appropriate that ‘smurf’ is Welsh for well-
endowed.
Kelly & Maria help to support an obviously tired and emotional Gari post-race.
Andy Staveley was the first Burnden runner home, finishing in 4th place overall with a time of
31:43, the other club runners were, Anne Ferguson 39:29, Holly Craggs 40:46, Shirley Staveley
45:10, Gari Jones 52:05 and Maria Parkinson 55:32.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 5 of 10
UGLY DRUG RUMOUR CASTS
DOUBT OVER RESULT
By our Investigations Team
It gives us no pleasure whatsoever to report on the unsavoury goings on behind the result of the
Bolton Parkrun held on 15 December 2012, particularly as it relates to two of our young runners,
Dave Swift and Rob Short. Since Dave took up running earlier this year, he has consistently been
faster than Rob, however on the recent Parkrun he found himself well beaten by his team mate.
We at The Trotter do not believe Rob Short’s improved performance relative to Dave Swift can be
put down to better training methods or greater fitness. We strongly suspect that there is another
murkier reason, i.e. that illicit substances are being taken and our advice to Dave Swift is that
whatever he is taking that is making him slower than Rob Short, he stops taking it now.
He’ll Be Back
Neil Critchley………………or is it
For many of us it was a mystery how mild unassuming Neil Critchley could in seconds transform
into Neil Critchley – IRON MAN!!!!! However with this recently taken photograph, the mystery is
now solved. Look into the eyes, not around the eyes but in the eyes, see anything familiar, see
anything frightening………………….
Neil Critchley is - THE TERMINATOR.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 6 of 10
THE TROTTER
SOCIAL DIARY
Monday 17 December
The festive season got off to a flying start
when new Social Secretaries Julie and Steve
organised a Christmas meal and get together
at The Toby Carvery, Watermillock. The
event was attended by nearly 50 club
members and family who enjoyed a three
course meal.
Unfortunately the evening was spoilt for some
Gari in the Blue and Marcus in the Orange
people by Paul Johnson’s pornographic
hats.
jumper, which clearly showed a number of
penguins in what could only be described as
The evening went swimmingly until Lee
sexual foreplay, i.e. touching beaks in a
White turned up at 10 o’clock, everyone took
highly suggestive way. A number of people
this as a cue to go home and within minutes
have complained to the Trotter about this
of his arrival, the room had been cleared. The
jumper and it is hoped that Paul will show a
management of The Toby Carvery would like
little more decorum in his dress the next time
to place on record their thanks to Lee for
a social event is held.
making their job easier and allowing them to
go home earlier.
A special thanks to Julie and Steve for
organising the event and we all look forward
to more of the same in the New Year.
PARKRUN LIGGERS*
TURN OUT IN FORCE
Club members turned out in force to the last
Parkrun before Christmas encouraged by the
prospect of free mulled wine and mince pies
supplied by Shirley Staveley and her husband,
The offending Jumper Andy. Many turned up in fancy dress, Father
& Mother Christmases abounded along with
Marcus Taylor looked resplendent in an various sized elves, even our editor turned out
orange paper hat and we congratulate him on in fancy dress as a Christmas Convict, which
his taste. This headgear suited him so much some reason a number of people thought very
better than that red bandana he has been seen apt. But the non-existent prize for best
wearing to training sessions and the red costume had to go to Tony Foster as a parcel,
woollen hat he sported at Saturday’s cross at least we think it was Tony and we think it
country. Gari Jones wore a blue paper hat was a parcel.
which complemented the remaining blue dye *Someone who attends parties, openings,
that he had not yet removed after his smurf social gatherings and events with the sole
escapade. intention of obtaining free food and drink.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 7 of 10
NOTICE OF FORTHCOMING GLOBAL
EVENTS INVOLVING CLUB MEMBERS
There is an 8 hour time limit to complete the
CLUB AFFLICTED course and thankfully, the Mountain Rescue
WITH OUTBREAK OF Service will be on hand during the event.
Those club members entered are Andy
INSANITY Staveley, Izzy Kneale, Martyn Pollitt, Bill
Kelly, Keith Thomas, John Hall and Alan
Whether it was as a result of heavy drinking Worthington. Maria Parkinson has also
or a case of corporate insanity, we don’t know entered but does not wish any publicity. We
what caused them to do it, but a veritable wish them all well when taking part but hope
plethora of club members have seen fit to that they come to their senses before March.
enter the 2013 Bolton Hill Marathon on 10 If you wish to join them, seek advice first and
March. This run is generally regarded as one if still keen, the entry forms can be found at
of the toughest marathons in Bolton, sorry www.hillrunner.org.uk.
Britain, with 70% of it run over trails.
ROBERT DOWNEY Jnr
TRIBUTE
COMPETITION
Although Burnden Roadrunners is a club for
The route takes in Winter Hill, Barrow Bridge runners, we do have members who have the
Village, White Coppice and Anglezarke ability to ride a bike without falling off and
Reservoir and as would be expected from the even some who can swim without drowning.
title of the race, there are plenty of climbs to Some of these multi-talented members, Neil
be undertaken. Critchley Martyn Pollitt, Izzy Kneale, Steve
Riddle and Rowan Ardill have entered the 5th
annual Bolton Iron Man competition on 4th
August 2013. This is Neil’s second time
having completed the event in 2012. We wish
them well in the event and will be reporting
on the progress of their training in the
Profile of the marathon course. Note the forthcoming months.
many spikey bits indicating climbs.
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 8 of 10
FEATURES PAGE
ASK AUNTIE BURNIE
?
THE TROTTERS
Every month we will be answering readers’ The other club in Bolton
questions and invite questions from club
members for future month’s issues. This Many club members are keen supporters of
week we have received a letter from a Bolton Wanderers Football Club and given
troubled runner. the close historical association between the
clubs The Trotter felt it appropriate to have a
Dear Auntie Burnie regular football column, starting this month
with a delve into the glorious history of the
I used to think about sex constantly when I local club.
was running, now I find I am thinking There are many golden moments in the
about running when I am having sex. This history of Bolton Wanderers, F.A. cup finals,
hasn’t been a problem in the past but it’s league titles, promotions, even a European
getting getting worse and in moments of campaign. But we have chosen to ignore all
excitement I now find myself shouting ‘Yes, those and instead visit the 80’s, a period
another personal best!’ What can I do? S. which many at our club will remember well.
The date is March 9th 1981 when Bolton were
Hello S. Firstly you are not alone, I know in the old Second Division with the likes of
many runners who have similar problems and Chelsea, Newcastle, QPR and Norwich. On
to them I recommend installing a treadmill in this day they were away to a team that proved
the bedroom. I would start at a slow steady to have their measure and two goals from Ian
pace, speeding up as you become more Edwards, the Wales centre forward were
comfortable. I would tend not use the incline enough to send the Trotters home without the
button as this could be considered perverted. points. I know ‘cos I was there.
Wrexham 2 Bolton Wanderers 1
WHAT’S IN THE Next month we will be looking at match in
STARS FOR 2013? West Ham’s illustrious history.
(Bet you can hardly wait Mark!)
GOSSIP COLUMN
Unfortunately we were unable to obtain the
necessary clearance from our legal advisors
Unfortunately we are unable to bring you our prior to the publishing deadline to allow this
astrology column this month due to column to be printed. So the following club
unforeseen circumstances. This will appear members can sleep easy for another month
next month. &
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 9 of 10
Thank you for taking time to read this month’s edition of The Trotter and we hope you have
enjoyed it. We welcome contributions from members on all subjects, but please keep them short
and interesting. We also would like to hear your views on what you would like to see in future
editions of The Trotter. We welcome constructive criticism but remember that if we don’t like what
you say, you may find yourselves mentioned in the following month’s gossip column.
In Next Month’s Edition may include
The low down on the Body Attack system of self-defence.
The Real Reason how Steve Riddle smashed his London Marathon time.
And What the Stars tell us 2013 holds for Burnden Roadrunners.
All this and all your favourite regular features, miss it at Your Peril
The Trotter – Happy New Year Issue January 2013
Page 10 of 10
