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Vol. 1_ Iss. 2


  • pg 1
									                        Hilarity Quarterly
                              Vol. 1, Iss. 2 (May-July 2006)
       Li, M. (Ed.), Doughty, J., Katkova, A., Zou, L., Epstein, D., Thorson, J. et al

“I’m having massive haemorrhage, Jennifer         “I sleep for fun.”
is pulling my hair, and Jacob is poking my                                  ~ T. Cai, 2 May 2006
arm! You guys are great doctors.”
                        ~ M. Li, 1 May 2006       “Could someone please give her a sheet of
                                                  paper? She’s going to have War and Peace
“Tu veux la toxoplasmosis.”                       written on her arm by the end of the day!”
                       ~ M. Li, 1 May 2006                          ~ P. Cammer, 3 May 2006

                                                                                       D. SAHAA
“If I die during the AP CS exam, donate my        “Why do you have ‘warfarin’ written on your
organs, give Jennifer my good luck rock,          paper?”
give Katy my chemistry notes, put a purple        “I was explaining why warfarin is an
dot on my skull and give it to Dr. Wood,          anticoagulant but may cause thrombosis.”
and then you’re free to extract all the           “Warfarin is a type of Coumadin used in
fibrinogen you want.”                             chemotherapy to treat cancer patients.”
                    ~ D. Epstein, 1 May 2006      *stares* “Whoa.”
                                                                 ~ M. Li/M. Shaw, 3 May 2006
“How was your day?”
“Well—”                                           “Thrombin converts carbon to calcium?”
“Fuzzy?”                                                           ~ D. Epstein, 3 May 2006
“Heh. Actually, there’s a better word.”
“What?”                                           “If I’m activated protein C and you’re factor
“Toxoplasmotic.”                                  Va, and I go ‘pow!’, you’re dead!”
                    ~ L. Li/M. Li, 1 May 2006                        ~ J. Doughty, 3 May 2006

(looking at the Circle of                                              (reading            Hilarity
Life)                         “[MY DAY WAS]                            Quarterly, Vol. 1, Iss. 1)
“Ah, but Man cannot live                                            “It seems like every other
on amino acids alone!”        TOXOPLASMOTIC ”                .      word that comes out of
   ~ D. Saha, 2 May 2006
                                                           M. LIA your          mouth       is
“Saying there appears to be some clotting is      “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
like saying there’s a traffic jam ahead. Is it    “Do you have thrombosis?”
a ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in   “No.”
the centre lane? And if it is a bus, is that      “Do you have haemophilia?”
bus thrombotic or embolic?… I think I             “… READ THE QUOTE.”
pushed the metaphor too far.”                                   ~ R. Udeshi/M. Li, 3 May 2006
                 ~ “House”, 2 May 2006 (air)
LI, M. et al                                     HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

(Brett plays Counterstrike on his laptop)          “My mom thinks you’re a vampire.”
“Geez, Brett and his CS. Brett and both of                         ~ J. Doughty, 8 May 2006
his CS’s!”
                         ~ M. Li, 4 May 2006       “How many erythrocytes are there in the
                                                   human body? Hint: there’s more than one.”
“Hit him with a microscope: ‘In the name of        “Two.”
biology!’ WHACK!”                                            ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 8 May 2006
                  ~ M. Badgett, 5 May 2006
                                                   “What is antithrombin?”
“I had epistaxis in the middle of the exam.”       “It’s, well, not thrombin…”
                         ~ M. Li, 8 May 2006       “No; if it were thrombin, it would be called
                                                   ‘thrombin’, wouldn’t it?”
“Okay, that’s enough talk about the exam. I                       ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 8 May 2006
wouldn’t want to invalidate my 5!”
                        ~ M. Li, 8 May 2006        “Take AP Bio next year.”
                                                   “No. I’m taking AP Physics.”
“His wife killed him after six months of rule!     “You hate physics.”
That was the highlight of his life… or rather,     “I hate bio more.”
the highlight of his death.”                       “No you don’t.”
                      ~ D. Saha, 8 May 2006        “I hated it as a freshman; there’s no reason

    “I WOULDN’T WANT TO                     INVALIDATE MY                            5.”
                                                                                        M. LIA
“Hey, Jennifer—”                                   I should like it as a senior.”
“Nope, you can’t talk to the sensory neuron        “Maybe it was your teacher.”
without going through the interneuron first!       “He was nice.”
No reflex arcs allowed!”                           “Maybe it was because of the niceness that
“Okay… The bibliography…”                          you hated it.”
(later)                                            “Monica…”
“This interneuron is getting very sleepy. Its      “Maybe it was your textbook.”
myelin sheaths are dying.”                         “Or maybe it’s because I hate the subject.”
“Right. Jennifer—”                                 “Nah, not possible.”
“No reflex arcs! Oh fine, I’m a sensory                          ~ M. Li/A. Katkova, 8 May 2006
neuron now. But talking to me constitutes a
reflex arc, so expect very instinctive             “In the biotech lab, we should put together
replies!”                                          little pieces of DNA, and make our own
“Right… The bibliography—”                         genes, and feed the mRNA to the
“Yes.”                                             ribosomes. Then we could add some
                  ~ L. Zou/M. Li, 8 May 2006       coagulants to it, and hm, we see that it
                                                   explodes. So we’re like, hm, this stuff
“Ooh, sticky notes. Why two colours?”              makes coagulants explode…”
“My dog ate the green ones.”                                         ~ J. Doughty, 8 May 2006
             ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 8 May 2006

LI, M. et al                                     HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“Monica + Biology = ?”                          “Take a skewer and stick it through all the
“Insane.”                                       people you want to kill… Monica’s enemy
“Myology.”                                      shish kabob!”
“Haemostasis. No, wait, thrombosis.”                                 ~ B. Jones, 9 May 2006
“Haematology wackoness.”
“Thrombosis / plasmolysis +
factor X ^ factor VIII.”
“Eternal doom.”                      “THIS STUFF MAKES        COAGULANTS
                                  EXPLODE ”
“Freaked-out people.”
   ~ M. Li/J. Doughty/L. Zou/A.
    Katkova/C. Pan/L. Gupta/D.                                                 J. DOUGHTYA
 Epstein/B. Jones/K. Mohamed,
                                   8 May 2006   “I’m your mama now!”
                                                “You can’t be my mama!”
“Take AP Bio, Linda. I’m going to eat you       “Why not?”
alive if you don’t take it.”                    “Because you’ve got a [-----]!”
“You don’t know where I—oh wait, you do.”        ~ J. Potoker/An. (his daughter) Potoker, 10
                   ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 8 May 2006                                May 2006 (rep.)

“The high jump is now redefined: You jump          *tosses lei to Linda* “Here, you can put this
and land on hard pavement, and the person          around me after I die.”
who can do it the most times before dying          “Hahaha… Elendil goes to Hawaii!”
wins!”                                                              ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 10 May 2006
                  ~ E. Warner, 9 May 2006
                                                   “Hey, Linda, who’s that?”
“You haven’t heard of it?! Where have you          “That’s Aragorn.”
been all this time?”                               “Oh. I like Aragorn… Who’s the guy who
“Under a rock called TJ.”                          kills a lot of people?”
          ~ B. Jones/A. Katkova, 9 May 2006        “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”
                                                             ~ J. Zou/L. Zou, 10 May 2006 (rep.)

                                                               “I do not know what strength is
  “THE         TEACHERS             WERE GETTING               in my blood, but I swear to you,
                                                               I will not let the White City fall,

                                                               nor our people fail.”
                                                               “Our people… Our people.”
                                                               *pause* “Oh, wait, it’s my line!”
                                               A. KATKOVAA     “Haha… you expired too early.”
                                                                    ~ L. Zou/M. Li, 10 May 2006
“They’re on my jeans.”
“What’s on your genes?”                            “I’ve been staring at the windshield wipers
“I wrote it on my jeans.”                          for ten minutes. I just realised it was
“How can you write something on your               raining.”
genes?… OH!… Bio.”                                                  ~ A. Katkova, 11 May 2006
              ~ A. Katkova/M. Li, 9 May 2006

LI, M. et al                                    HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“My mom asked me why I was carrying my            “Ms. Bain, could we have class outside
rifle to school, and I told her that the          today, on account of that World War II took
teachers were getting annoying.”                  place outside and not in a schoolroom?”
                 ~ A. Katkova, 11 May 2006                               ~ M. Li, 16 May 2006

“Oh, God.”                                        “Can I borrow a sheet of paper?”
“Linda, you’re not Christian.”                    “That’s half a litre.”
“… Jesus!… Whoops.”                               “Heffalump?”
                ~ L. Zou/M. Li, 11 May 2006                      ~ M. Shaw/M. Li, 16 May 2006

“I should drink Elixir of Life.”                  “Hey, what’s that disease where your blood
“What are you making there? Death potion,         doesn’t clot—”
I hope?”                                          “HEMOPHILIA!”
           ~ M. Li/A. Valentin, 11 May 2006       (later)
                                                  “Actually, I amend my answer to
“Why are these people speaking English in         ‘haemophilia, Christmas disease, factor V
Paris?”                                           deficiency,    factor    VII    deficiency…
“Because they’re in London… A Tale of Two         dysfibrinogenemia, and aprothrombinemia.”
Cities.”                                                                    ~ J. Faubell/M. Li,
         ~ Anon./E.
 Richardson, 11 May    “YOU JUST CREATED                                         17 May 2006

               2006                                                           “You know you

“Was sind diese
Dinge?       Wasser?
                       WORLD WAR II!”                                         love me at heart.”
                                                                              “That’ll be true
                                                                              when hell freezes
                                                              A. ZUZULOA
Würme? Amoebas?”                                                              over. And it hasn’t
“Vielleicht Amoebas?”                             yet, to my knowledge.”
             ~ C. Vaden/J. Kim, 15 May 2006       “Well, maybe it will when you get there.”
                                                   ~ P. Cammer/A. Ng Sui Hing, 18 May 2006
“All in favour of giving Alsace-Lorraine back
to France?”                                       “The school lunches are unhealthy, but the
(majority votes in favour)                        lunches my mom packs are inedible.”
“That’s great. You just created WWII!”                                 ~ T. Cai, 18 May 2006
           ~ B. Field/A. Zuzulo, 15 May 2006
                                                  “House gets shot in the season finale! I
“We propose that the territory of Bavaria         wish he’d die.”
should be administered by France for a            “He can’t die. The show is named after
period of… forever.”                              him.”
                  ~ B. Singer, 15 May 2006        “They could change the name to
“You don’t want power?”                                      ~ M. Li./A. Katkova, 22 May 2006
“No; power equals responsibility.”
           ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 15 May 2006        “Hurricane season starts in nine days!”
                                                  “You’re happy that all those people down
“Oh, that’s right, you don’t believe in hell      South are going to die?”
because you’re—wait, you’re not immortal!”        “Eh. They’re all Republicans anyway.”
                    ~ B. Jones, 15 May 2006                  ~ M. Li/A. Katkova, 22 May 2006

LI, M. et al                                     HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“That’s my pen! I stole it!”                       “Alex and Linda have watched ‘House’, and
                      ~ L. Zou, 22 May 2006        Kaamila don’t have a TV.”
                                                   “Why don’t Kaamila have a TV?”
“Daniel’s handwriting is so bad that                             ~ M. Li/Z. Song, 28 May 2006
someone asked him if he was taking
Japanese—and she’s in his French class!”           “You don’t know anything before you’re 20,
               ~ J. Doughty, 23 May 2006           and you’re senile after 60, so you really only
                                                   have 40 10-year spans of life.”
“My table all got C+’s, like osmosis: we all       “Mom… that’s 400 years.”
lose knowledge together.”                                        ~ Z. Song/M. Li, 28 May 2006
                     ~ L. Zou, 24 May 2006
                                                                   “You can take 7/10 of the

                                                                   “7/10… of 9?”
                                                                     ~ M. Li/A. Katkova, 29 May

MENTIONS] HOMEWORK.”                                               “Taking more than one
                                                       L. ZOUA     shower in a day is unhealthy.
                                                                   It promotes… thrombosis.”
“What is this structure here? Is it bone, or                          ~ D. Epstein, 29 May 2006
nerve, or arteries, or what?”
“I don’t know. Let’s dissect ourselves to find     *picks up dropped iPod* “Are you working?
out!”                                              Are you alive?”
            ~ J. Doughty/M. Li, 26 May 2006        “Give it CPR! ‘Are you choking?’”
                                                               ~ A. Katkova/M. Li, 30 May 2006
“Morgoth times infinity period! There, you
can’t beat that!”                                  (attempting to translate L’Internationale)
“Yes I can. I can divide by zero.”                 “The taxes… bleed… disadvantaged… no
              ~ M. Li/B. Kogan, 26 May 2006        homework…”
                                                                         ~ L. Zou, 30 May 2006
“What are you listening to?”
“The Internationale.”                              “The Algebra 2 textbook isn’t political.”
“Ah! Yīngtènàxióngnàiěr! Guójìgē!”                 “I’m not sure that’s considered literature.”
“… Right.”                                         “You would consider it literature, of course.”
“Who’s it written by? Ah, I know,                     ~ J. Steinhardt/J. Bain/M. Li, 30 May 2006
“Er… *glances at Wikipedia article* Eugène         “The poem suggests that in the future, we
Pottier.”                                          shall join together to delete racism.”
“Yeah. And who composed the music?                 “Did she say delete?”
Wait—*CHINESE*!”                                   “Yeah.”
“Er… *glances at Wikipedia article* Pierre         “Haha…”
Degeyter.”                                           ~ C. Pan/M. Li/L. Zou/J. Doughty, 30 May
“Yeah.” *Starts singing L’Internationale at                                               2006
the top of her lungs*
“… Save me.”
               ~ Z. Song/M. Li, 26 May 2006

LI, M. et al                                       HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“What? That doesn’t make sense. 14 and 1             “So, if you see me outside of school, you
can’t add up to 14!”                                 should always say hi to me.”
*pushes calculator buttons* “OH! Look at             “What if you’re with your girlfriend?”
that! 1E-14! Pwned!”                                 “Well, that’s not going to be a problem for
“What?!”                                             you, is it?”
“Mêmes [MAY-meh]!”                                     ~ P. Cammer/J. Besecky/J. Jaskot, 4 June
“NO!”                                                                                       2006
                ~ L. Zou/M. Li, 31 May 2006
                                                     “You’re an angel, Linda. You should move
“This is ‘ke’, right?”                               to Los Angeles.”
“No, it’s ‘se’! Since when is ‘c’                             “No. California makes you soft.”
pronounced ‘ke’?”                                                     ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 5 June 2006
“No, but… Ah! If it’s in the
middle of the word, it’s
                                       “YE SHALL               “My life has lost all meaning! I

pronounced ‘ke’, unless it has                                 thought jiffies were milliseconds!”
the thing under it, in which case                                          ~ B. Jones, 6 June 2006
it’s ‘se’; if it’s at the beginning of
a word, it’s always ‘se’!”                          ANON.    “We had to write down causes of
“Right…”                                                     death for [something], and we
“Yes!”                                               were making them up, and someone said
“… usually.”                                         ‘thrombosis’!”
“AUGH.”                                                              ~ H. Kelsen, 6 June 2006
“I love French.”
                     ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 31 May 2006     “If there are more exceptions than rules,
                                                     then exceptions become the rule; then, if
“Nitrogen in French is azote.”                       rules are rules and exceptions are rules,
“Sodium in Chinese is nà!”                           everything is a rule and there are no rules…
                 ~ L. Zou/M. Li, 2 June 2006         welcome to French.”
                                                                             ~ M. Li, 6 June 2006
“Is that French?”
“It’s supposed to be…”                               “I want those laptops in their proper slots,
“Oh. I thought it was Communist.”                    plugged into the right numbers, or ye shall
                  ~ T. Cai/M. Li, 2 June 2006        die.”
                                                                           ~ Anon., 8 June 2006

                                                                                            M. LIA

“So, Alex, comment tu t’appelles?”                   “Linda, it’s two hundred twenty, not twenty
“Wow… that was a stupid question.”                   thousand twenty.”
“It wasn’t as bad as was bedeutet                    “That’s what I typed! 20020! 200 and 20!
bedeutet!”                                           Oh, wait, no… shut up!”
             ~ M. Li/A. Katkova, 4 June 2006                          ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 8 June 2006

LI, M. et al                                   HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“Tu as quel âge?”                                “Take AP French next year, Linda. Don’t
“J’ai quinze ans. No, wait, I’m not 15           take French 4.”
anymore! I’ve gotten so used to saying           “There’s French 4? I wish there was Latin
that…”                                           4…”
            ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 8 June 2006      “Well, French has a huge fanbase, so…”
                                                         ~ M. Li/L. Zou/[who?], 13 June 2006

                                                                                     L. ZOUA

“Asseyez-vous!”                                  (discussing why Ms. Montgomery marked a
“Hey, you addressed me using the vous            trig problem incorrect)
form!”                                           “That’s one minute off! She can’t screw us
“Yeah, I couldn’t remember the tu form…          for one minute!”
what was it?                                     “Yes she can. She’s screwed us for the
“Ass-toi?”                                       entire year.”
           ~ L. Gupta/A. Nair, 10 June 2006                 ~ M. Li/C. Burnette, 13 June 2006

“Linda, you know that you spelled Iraq           “Are they singing about Lucifer or another
‘Iraque’? Thrice?”                               devil? Wait—I just said—”
“Shut up! It’s the French way!”                                         ~ M. Li, 15 June 2006
                ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 12 June 2006
                                                 “Plead the fifth!”
“Hey, we can’t write that; we’ve already         “Right, plead the fifth… in Model UN.”
used ‘terrorist’. There would be two                     ~ M. Shaw/M. Romais, 15 June 2006
terrorists in the same sentence!”
                       ~ M. Li, 12 June 2006     “Here… Let me teach you some Franglais…”
                                                                    ~ T. Cai, 20 June 2006
(during partner activity in
German)                                                          “Haha, they’re riding over the
*with     French
                                “ASS-TOI.”                       orcs as if they were furry
“… I refuse to answer that.”                        A. NAIRA         ~ Z. Song, 20 June 2006
“Fine… ‘to show’.”
“… I’m not answering that either.”               “I don’t know what to do.”
“Why not? I said ‘to show’!”                     “I know: write a program that chooses
“Oh! I thought you said ‘touché’.”               random tasks for you to do!”
              ~ M. Li/D. Saha, 13 June 2006      “Uh, you choose. You’re random enough.”
                                                                ~ T. Cai/M. Li, 26 June 2006
(playing Monica-hosted Jeopardy)
“[A composer] wrote [a song] for this            “.”
French military general.”                        “.”
“Hitler!”                                        “!”
            ~ T. Xu/B. Kogan, 13 June 2006       “?”
                                                                 ~ M. Li/J. Kim, 27 June 2006

LI, M. et al                                    HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“I don’t have enough red paint.”                  “So, Monica… which team did you want to
“You could use pink.”                             win?”
“You want me to paint a stripe of the             “Um… France?… Do you not notice the
French flag pink?”                                colours… the cheering for the French
“Why not? I mean, it’s the French, right?         offence… the general dismayed look when
I’m sure they’d like something like that.”        Italy won?”
               ~ M. Li/L. Zou, 27 June 2006                     ~ Z. Song/M. Li, 9 July 2006

“Isn’t it strange that you can use nous           “Well, they won’t be happy that Italy won.”
sommes to tell the date? Like, nous               “I thought that they just didn’t want
sommes le vingt-huit juin?”                       Germany to win.”
“Oh man… I’ve always wanted to be                 “Oh, German gui, Italian gui, all gui…”
January.”                                                                   ~ Z. Song/L. Li, 9
~ M. Li/L. Zou, 28                                                                    July 2006

         June 2006

                      “LA FRANCE A PERDU                                      “La
                                                                                      France   a
making it too
                      LA   RENCONTRE FINALE,                                  bataille… I guess
                                                                              the rest of this

                            N’A PAS
messy to read.”                                                               quote      doesn’t
 ~ H. Deng, 1 July                                                            apply here.”
             2006     MAIS [ELLE]                                                 ~ M. Li, 9 July
“The     command
form of avoir isn’t
normal, is it?”
                      PERDU LA COUPE                                       (looking at name

                      DU MONDE.”
“I don’t know.                                                             “Monica        loves
When would you                                                             France?”
ever need to use                                                           “Yes.”
avoir      in     a                                               M. LIA “Are you angry?”
command?”                                                                  “Yes.”
“Um… Have a life!”                                (later, commenting on name tags)
“Well, you could use prendre…”                    “Tiny smiley face… very angry with the
“Take a life?… Slightly different.”               Italians…”
                  ~ M. Li/T. Cai, 5 July 2006                 ~ J. Thorson/M. Li, 10 July 2006

“Contra nous de l’Italie/L’étendard sanglant      “Je dis au monde: La France a perdu la
est levé…”                                        rencontre finale, mais la France n’a pas
                         ~ M. Li, 9 July 2006     perdu la Coupe du monde!”
                                                                           ~ M. Li, 10 July 2006
“Somebody, score!… And somebody means
France!”                                          “Wearing your French colours again? He
                     ~ M. Li, 9 July 2006         doesn’t deserve the Golden Ball. He’s a
                                                                  ~ J. Thorson, 11 July 2006

LI, M. et al                                    HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“You need to eat something.”                      “I don’t think I have enough clothes to last
“I already ate lunch.”                            me through this week.”
“You need to eat something else, or else          “Half of your clothes were made in Italy? Or
you’ll become anorexic. You’ll weigh ten          are half of them green?”
pounds, and that will be hair, glasses, and                    ~ M. Li/A. Katkova, 12 July 2006
the French flag.”
             ~ D. Epstein/M. Li, 11 July 2006    “Are you ever going to drop the French?”

                                                               “Are you going to wear your
                                                       .       French flag forever?”
                                                               “Oh, this? Probably not.”
                                                J. THORSONA “They screwed up.”
“What are our school colours?” 1                                  ~ M. Li/J. Thorson, 13 July
“Red, white, and blue.” 2                                                                2006
“Why?” 1
“Maybe they just hate green.” 3                   “Ooh, you insulted France. Now they’re
“Maybe green means money.” 1                      going to come after you with their white
“Or Italy.” 4                                     flags.”
 ~ J. Thorson/N. Evans/Anon./M. Li, 11 July                        ~ M. Chen, 13 July 2006
                                                  “Je viens… That’s French, you know, I’m
“Raconteur… storyteller? OMI! French! I           coming.”
can’t believe French is helping me on the                  ~ “On Golden Pond”, 14 July 2006
                       ~ M. Li, 11 July 2006      “Is it a good idea to go hunting when
                                                  you’ve got an infant with you?”
“Monica, don’t you love Mr. Kelly?” 1             “No… unless you’re using it for bait.”
“What?” 2                                         “Bait? Well, that’s a maternal thought if I
“He’s a communist!” 1                             ever heard one.”
“What?” 2                                                 ~ J. Thorson/M. Chen, 14 July 2006
“Storm the Bastille!” 3
        ~ C. Pan/M. Li/N. Kelly, 12 July 2006     “Let’s go around the room and say the
                                                  superpower you would most like to have,
“France lost.”
“Shut up.”
“Why      are
wearing a French
                you    “STORM THE BASTILLE!”
flag?”                                                                                N. KELLYA
“Because       she’s
                                                  starting with Monica.” 1
been obsessing all week over France losing
                                                  “Um…” 2
the World Cup.”
                                                  “Come on, anything. Speak French?” 1
“You actually watched the World Cup?”
                                                  “No, she can already do that too well.” 3
“No, Corinna, and it was precisely because
                                                     ~ J. Thorson/M. Li/S. Youn, 14 July 2006
France was playing that I didn’t.”
     ~ C. Pan/M. Li/J. Thorson, 12 July 2006

LI, M. et al                                    HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“There’s a live, maggoty cheese that’s a          “Eli was sleeping with a girl?”
delicacy in Italy. None of you would try          “My sister.”
that, would you?”                                 “Oh, I didn’t hear that part.”
“No, and you know why.”                                      ~ B. Tuben/E. Chen, 20 July 2006
“Yes, I do.”
~ J. Thorson/M. Li/J. Doughty, 14 July 2006       “You’d be hard pressed to fall asleep
                                                  standing up.”
“I don’t need to wait for this to cool. Wait,     “Cows do it all the time!”
maybe I do. No, I don’t… Ow.”                     “You’re not a cow.”
                 ~ A. Katkova, 14 July 2006               ~ J. Thorson/B. Tuben, 20 July 2006

“I    don’t    think                                                          “Freud:        ‘Life
green is the most
and you know
            colour,   “FREUD: LIFE SUCKS;                                     sucks; we take
                                                                                  ~ K. Horita, 20

why.”                                                                                  July 2006
“Yes, I do, and
my sister thinks
                      WE TAKE                                                 “Grow up in Paris
you’re        crazy                                           K. HORITAA      and you will speak
because         you                                                           French, but not if
won’t use italics.”                               you are a cat.”
            ~ M. Li/J. Doughty, 18 July 2006         ~ Psychology, 20 July 2006 (read.), 1998
“Whenever we come to this Baskin Robbins,
I’m always reminded of that time that you         “In English, whenever there’s a rule, you’ll
made us face west.”                               always find something that contradicts it.”
“Good idea… Let’s face east! France is that       “In French too.”
way.”                                                   ~ J. Thorson/J. Doughty, 21 July 2006
           ~ A. Katkova/M. Li, 18 July 2006
                                                  “France is egocentric.”
“There was a mnemonic that I created to                            ~ J. Thorson, 21 July 2006
memorize the periodic table. The more
obscene the better.”                              “You’re so emo. One day you’re going to cut
“Obscene?”                                        yourself with a French flag to show your
                                                                              ~ H. Deng, 21

  “FRANCE IS EGOCENTRIC.”                                                           July 2006

                                                                              “Thanks           to
                                                            J. THORSONA
                                                                              Materazzi,       my
“Well, I never said it to a teacher or                                        Italian vocabulary
anything.”                                        consists of viffanculo, feccia, and scopata
“Tell me!”                                        Italia, all of which are obscene.”
“Um… I forgot.”                                                             ~ M. Li, 21 July 2006
       ~ A(rjun). ?/J. Thorson, 19 July 2006

LI, M. et al                                                 HILARITY QUARTERLY, MAY-JULY 2006 · VOL. 1, ISS. 2

“Geez, Monica, you used italics in the script.                 “The Battle of the… Sum… WTF…”
You’re so unpatriotic!”                                                              ~ T. Cai, 30 July 2006
                 ~ J. Doughty, 23 July 2006
                                                               “French sucks.”
“What is standard deviation?”                                  “Be careful; she might hurt you.”
“It’s like, 68%… the sum of the means…                                  ~ E. Park/J. Thorson, 31 July 2006
square root… times 9…”
“I don’t know why I asked.”                                    “That’s 7 votes out of 18.”
      ~ J. Thorson/H. Deng\M. Chen, 24 July                    “Recount!”
                                      2006                     “Fuzzy math.”
                                                                   ~ J. Thorson/B. Tuben/H. Deng, 31 July
“Why are you beating up an alien?”                                                                  2006
                  ~ M. Chen, 24 July 2006

“I don’t like poison ivy.”
                         ~ M. Li, 24 July 2006

                                                                                        M. LI, EXECUTIVE EDITOR

Disclaimer: The quotes above are not meant to offend, insult, or in any way ridicule the quoters. All comments about
Italy are presented without intent of offence to the Italians (except Marco Materazzi, Benito Mussolini and entourage,
and members of the Italian Army during the Second World War).


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