Inherently Feminine - A Satirical Essay by monnett


                         MOOD ANALYSIS

The luminescent convergence of transmigrational cryptohormonal mood undulation has
prompted, in the scientific and masculine spousal communities, a comprehensive exertion of
energy in relation to the interpretation of it. As in any field associated with cryptoanalysis, a
structured approach and unbiased premise are requisite to an objective resolution.

The primary phase of our treatise must summarily define alternative transmigrational
cryptohormonal mood analysis and the goal it represents. It is simply this: The feminine
disposition is affected by an infinite number of stimuli. These catalysts are both organic, or
constitutional, and atmospheric, or environmental. This disposition also has transient
migrational qualities, transmittable not only to others of comparable gender, but crossing those
lines, affecting the mettle of the male companion. The locus of our treatise is on the effect of the
external elements leading to the manifestation of the organic, or shrouded factors actuating the
feminine emotional tone. The scientific cognition of these factors is vacuous at best, hence the
necessity of a critical cryptographical analysis. The goal of this treatise is to render intelligible
the incarnation of these factors, and subsequently curtail them.

The factors in question are inherently paradoxical. To scientifically categorize them would be
unreasonable. Therefore we cannot focus on the internal elements specifically, and must
concentrate, instead, on the catalyst to embodiment, and the external stimuli contributing to it.
(This may appear a circumvention of the original premise, but is not, due to the alternative
portion of the title.)

This necessitates a determination as to whether the symptoms can be classified as intermittent or
reproducible. If the ebullition or flare-up appears to be random and unpredictable, it is likely
intermittent, and hence indecipherable, lending itself to early diagnostic properties of
Cryptohormonal Syndrome, an illusory nomenclature often alluded to by a corporal designation
of Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, or PMS. However, the inflammation of the systemic indications of
PMS can be intensely heightened by external stimuli. These stimuli are reproducible, in other
words, the external environment can be recreated to produce similar results.

Once the determination has been made, The first step to resolution is to isolate the conditions
preceding the ebullition. Following a disruption, take a proverbial “step back” and analyze all
reconstructable factors. Once analysis is complete, take all steps necessary to reassemble the
environment prior to the original disruption and observe the possible duplication. If this fails to
achieve the inceptive result, try once more. If the eruption cannot be retriggered by this
subsequent action, the upheaval was likely attributable to the organic or cryptohormonal
elements, rendering any attempt at reconciliation impenetrable.

If, on the other hand, the results are reproducible, it is conceivable, that by taking individual
elements singly and combining them one by one until the flare up recurs, that the responsible
variable can be isolated. Upon isolation, appropriate steps can be taken to avert the
recapitulation of the eruption engendered by cryptohormonal catalysts. Within the contributory
stimuli there exists a threshold which may be approached with no perceptible disruption,
however, upon traversing that threshold, the objective symptoms become excruciatingly

These reproducible environmental elements may fluctuate severely from female to female. In
one case study, the facilitative element was no more than a woolen covering for the terminal
fragment of the leg, indelicately referred to as a sock, left upon the floor of the sleeping
compartment by a wearied masculine companion. In other studies the effectual element was
much more objectively contributory, i.e., a verbal salvo by the male consort.

Upon ascertaining the threshold of the individual feminine class with which you are concerned,
the obvious intent is to avoid traversing that threshold, and exacerbating the cryptohormonal

Summation: The feminine disposition is affected by an infinite number of stimuli. These stimuli
are both organic and environmental. Those factors which are inherently hormonal are not
manipulable, and are often indicative of Cryptohormonal Syndrome, commonly referred to as
PMS. When these intermittent eruptions occur, there is little by way of reconciliation that can
take place. However, when the ebullition is reproducible, there, of necessity, exists a threshold
which cannot be negotiated while maintaining the desired equanimity. Upon crossing this
threshold, objective observations of the incarnation of contributory factors will occur. In other
words, pick up your socks if you want secure a blithe and harmonious relationship.

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