Nicole Cannella 3/12/1960 My story, while not so different than any other, to me, now seems significant in ways I never before thought. It was when I was young, the tail end of my 12th year of life. I was about to embark upon an ""adult"" journey, the BIG 13, a teenager, almost adult, almost ready to face anything; almost... It was Bonita Bona's ""boy-girl"" party, a first for most in my group! The days were filled with excitement, while the internal turmoil I did not recognize, I was excited! Everybody looked to good; well, for the early 70's, who knew any better! There it was, the ""bottle."" All eyes have perched upon a seemingly innocent ""bottle."" And then, the announcement came, ""Listen up everyone, it's time to play spin the bottle!"" I felt my heart skip a beat, after all, the possibility of kissing the girl of my dreams seemed finally possible. We gathered, on the floor, forming a jagged circle, some toward the rear, others anxiously toward the front. Me, I was somewhere between here and there! My girl, she was opposite me, almost directly opposite. She looked fabulous! I was smitten; however, she had no idea! We drew names, after all, this was serious stuff, and we had to make sure it was fair! Tony was chosen to spin first, he spun the bottle, and it landed on Joey! Of course the rule was, the person on either side could be chosen, if not the actual person for whom the bottle landed on. So fortunately for Tony, Maria & Cathy sat on either side of Joey, he chose Maria. She seemed thrilled, while Cathy seemed sad. The next person to spin, of course, was Maria. Her spin landed smack on the mark, Charlie, her worst nightmare! There was no getting around that spin! She said she could not kiss Charlie, and Charlie could not agree more. No kiss happened. Charlie spun next, the bottle landed on Jenny who seemed annoyed, for she wanted Tony! I watched, with complete amazement, what was this crazy game all about?! After several additional spins, guests not willing to play by the rules, I could not sta nd it any longer. I stood up, and said, ""There is only one person here I would ever want to kiss, so I refuse to play any longer!"" With that, of course the room stood still with anticipation, and someone asked, well who is it you want to kiss? Without missing a beat, I said, ""Michelle,"" The silence was deafening. I did not know kissing another woman was ""taboo"" until the reaction could be felt to my core. I could not help what it was what I felt, and that was that! There was but one person who had the courage to speak, and of course, it was Michelle! She said, ""I don't want you to kiss me, I want Steven to kiss me!"" It was this defining moment I realized my want. I have never waivered in my desire, Michelle however, did! She and I, once we entered high school, found comfort in each others arms for the remainder of the four years, yes, through senior year! My coming out was purely by accident, I did not know I was a lesbian until it was brought to my attention, for how could I? I was following my heart, how ever is this wrong? I have very fond memories, life was good. I managed to get through the difficult times, always holding my head high. I never thought it right to ""pretend."" I am who I am, period. For those who do not
understand, I am always willing to educate! Most of the time, my efforts are worthy, some times not so much! Today I face a bigger than life struggle, cancer. Those days are a million miles behind me, today I fight for life. I have still not waivered in my desire, today, it is to live.