Friday 22nd November, 1996
Student Newspaper of Im
-:.blV.V"i&.fyXLk' ./ : Weekend this week:
girls and boys, the
Unions' strike success paralyses Imperial
MATTHEW BENNETT A N D ported the unions' stance in princi-
MAEVE CAREY ple, they were sticking to the nation-
Although Imperial was not one of the wide position agreed by the CVCP to
most active colleges involved in remain united to granting employees
Tuesday's strike, it would have been more than a 1.5% pay deal without
difficult to notice that virtually the further cash from the Government.
whole of the College had been shut Amongst strikers, the feeling was
down. Few lectures and tutorials took that the quality of teaching would fall
place, most of which were taken by if funds continued to be withdrawn,
staff who were officially on strike, particularly with student numbers
but who had decided to teach without increasing. The state of outdated lab
receiving pay. equipment was also seen as a major
An estimated 600 technical and problem.
support staff joined the majority of The major feeling was that losing
the teaching staff striking over their one day's pay was an investment into
proposed payriseof 1.5%. The even- the future of higher education.
tual outcome of the strike can not be Campaigners felt that the less pay
known at present, but there was a PHOTO: ALDUS staff get, the less students get out of
feeling among those on the picket Picketers distributing flyers explaining their cause to passer's by outside them.
lines that the level of anger reflected the main gates on Exhibition Road. Although the turn out by technicians, The issue of where deducted staff
by so many people from higher edu- lecturers and other staff was good, demonstrators were disappointed by pay will go has still not been
cation striking at once must have a the lack of organised student support resolved, as the number of strikers is
positive effect on the profile of Education as a whole, rather than nent position in industry. not yet known. The AUT did ask uni-
Higher Education. Unfortunately, the simply staff pay. Speaking to Felix, Bryon Wilson, president of versities to donate money to their stu-
strike coincided with a fire in the picketers revealed a whole range of ICAUT (Imperial College dent hardship funds, but while UCL,
Channel Tunnel and the year's first reasons as to why the strikes were Association of University Teachers) the University of East Anglia and
snow, so national news coverage was taking place. For one man, a member said that they were "leaning over Salford University have all pledged
brief at the best. of the MSF (Management, Science backwards not to affect students too to do this, IC seems to have decided
Many people, from technicians to and Finance workers union), it much" in their effort to get better pay that to do this would be illegal, as the
lecturers braved the freezing wind seemed simply to be a case of "The for staff, which is seen as a way of funds were allotted to staff pay.
and sleet to be outside Imperial as majority of the union voted for a raising moral and standards in The strike was timed to come after
early as 7am. Strikers stood around strike, and I'm a democrat." Many Universities. Those on the picket line the beginning of term, to avoid dis-
in rather uneasy lines handing out felt that the strike was not about their were more candid, pointing out that ruption to Freshers settling in, but
leaflets and carrying placards; it was own pay, but about the quality of "students wouldn't think twice about before next Tuesday's budget. The
immediately obvious that these peo- Higher Education, which was seen as missing lectures if they had been out unions lobbied parliament at the beg-
ple were not used to striking, or tak- suffering due to lack of funding and on the piss" and did not feel that ging of the summer, and have been
ing any sort of action. No attempt several commented that they were missing one day would affect them waiting since then to strike.
was made to stop people from getting supporting the students too by their much. Some picketers expressed dis- One picket claimed that a group of
into the College, unlike at some insti- action. may that there were so many students Japanese university vice chancellors
tutions where post was prevented One striker said "The whole of HE coming in to College during the had come to look at how the British
from getting in (though none was is screwed" due to Government cuts. strike, a move that was felt to be con- university system was run. The date
delivered within IC yesterday), or He expressed feelings of demoralisa- trary to the strike's aim. The majori- they chose? Tuesday 19 November.
milkmen turned away. tion among workers over a system ty of these students claimed to be at
As a follow up to the strike on
Union leaders continued to that forced workers to apply for College to use the computer facili-
Tuesday, the unions are proposing a
emphasise the need for better staff grants to pay their own salary. The ties.
"Boycott of Bureaucracy", to start
pay, but those on the picket lines saw same man has been on short term Speaking to Felix, Caroline Fox, from last Wednesday. This will
the occasion as one to express anger contracts at IC for eight years, and is College's Head of Personnel, involve targeting the teaching quality
at the lack of funding for Higher reluctantly leaving HE for a perma- explained that while the College sup- continued on page two
2 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY ND NOVEMBER
Strike closes College News in Brief
200 GIRLS : 1 B L O K E that they were breaking new ground
Last Thursday, there was widespread and "leading the way into the future."
disturbance at Wimbledon railway The programme was varied, with
station, south-west London. A riot- traditional dances, fashion parades,
ing, screaming, brawling crowd, singers and comedy sketches. The
entirely made up of roughly 200 highlight of the night depended on
schoolgirls caused chaos with a large what sex you were, with a selection
scale fight. of "professional models" for the boys
Shopkeepers were forced to lock and at least two toned torsos for the
up and traffic was brought to a stand- girls. The audience were keen to par-
still as the scrap spilled onto the road. ticipate and the male compere was
Passers-by were dragged into the asked at one point to "Come up here,
fray completely at random. It was sexy" by one particularly forthright
only with the arrival of Police offi- lady.
cers waving truncheons that some The only dubious parts were the
semblance of order could be chronic hairdos, some very glum
restored. models, and the infinite thank-yous
The fight had started when two and goodbyes at the end.
girls, one from Ricards Lodge High The drummers rounded off the
School, the other from Ursuline night with a rousing performance
High, had started to argue about one which got the audience in the mood
of the boys from Wimbledon for the after-show party, which fin-
College. It didn't take long for all ished at 1.30pm. Dinesh Dhoona,
their friends to join in, turning a per- one of the choreographers, described
sonal argument into a screaming, the show as "the best ever. It was a
kicking brawl. dream come true."
"This lad at our school is going out Videotapes of the complete per-
continued from front page There are also threats of action with a girl from Ursuline, but anoth- formance will soon be available from
assessments in the 'old' universities, against "examinations and assess- er girl at Ricard Lodge fancies him. the Student Television of Imperial
which are seen as an "unwieldy" way ment, or a slow down on student That's what thefightwas all about," College.
of repeating other reports to deter- admissions". This action was voted explained a pupil from Wimbledon
mine "whether the provision of edu- for along with the strike vote, and College. Although there is a lot of ULU COUNCIL
cation is satisfactory or not". Union was accepted with a far greater bad feeling between these two The second University of London
members will stop completing the majority than the strike itself, so schools, people were amazed that Union Council of the year meeting
necessary documentation for these could have a huge impact. more than 200 girls wouldfightover saw a raft of motions presented for
assessments. one bloke. discussion by the ULU executive. On
A police officer remarked "You the table were a motion proposing a
just don't expect this sort of thing campaign against fees, one requiring
between girls. This was a bloody the sabbaticals' support of ULU's
Corruption at Royal Holloway riot." International Night and a motion to
pass the new ULU regulations.
MATTHEW KEMPTON ments affirming his statement, solic- EAST MEETS WEST Two contentious motions original-
Last Friday the editors of Orbital, itors acting on behalf of the Union A slightly late start did not detract ly on the agenda were withdrawn at
Royal Holloway's student newspa- and Mr Bricknell threatened to sue if from the "East Meets West" show the last minute following early
per, burned copies in an incinerator the article went ahead. Siva last Tuesday. It turned out to be a amendments and a change of mind
and waved placards outside their Ganeshanandan the union's general thoroughly enjoyable and well- by the motion's proposer. These
union building. They were demon- secretary ordered the article to be organised event exuding colour, were a paper on Student
strating against what they saw as the ripped out of every paper. Last year humour and energy. Maintenance proposed by U L U
union censoring the paper to cover the Orbital reported on elections for As part of the Diwali celebra- Welfare sabb Paul Bates, and a
up corruption in the student union the position of general secretary, tions set up by the Indian Society, it motion to ban clubs that used guns
last year. which Siva Ganeshanandan won. was decided that, in the light of the proposed by ULU LGB officer and
One of the main allegations relat- One candidate was banned from the forthcoming merger between IC student Jo Paice.
ed to voteriggingin last years sab- union because the welfare officer Imperial College and Charing Cross After much debate, all motions
batical elections. Most of the cen- said he was a racist and homophobe, and Westminster Medical School, tabled were passed more or less with-
sored article was based on inside the ban was later overturned. In the the show would be staged in The out alteration. However, the motion
information from a third year stu- same elections the ballot box was Great Hall in Sherfield, and not at on the campaign against fees had
dent, Matthew Bricknell. He was found to contain 40 more votes than Charing Cross as it normally was. some specific points removed from
education welfare assistant last year were registered. The show was a sell-out, with the paper pertaining to the cause and
but resigned over the summer. He A statement from Orbital said over 700 people buying tickets. It effect of the implementation of top-
was then sacked from his job at the "We believe that the article we are was planned with charity in mind, up fees, whilst the motion on
union bar and banned from the union being forced to withdraw is not only with all the evening's proceeds going International Night was passed
altogether. The double page article true, but just begins to uncover the to the Leukaemia Research Fund and unscathed.
was just going to print when Mr extent of the irregularities and dis- the Jaipur Limb appeal. The Council saw the first public
Bricknell retracted his statement, crepancies which took place in the Two students, one a medic and outing for newly elected part-time
which consisted of letters and union in the last academic year". The the other from IC, did a good job as sabb Nick Dearden, who replaced
recorded interviews on tape. statement went on to call for a full the comperes, who despite keeping Claire Lawrie as Vice-Predident for
Although he had signed legal docu- investigation. up a derisory repartee, emphasised Finance and Services.
FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER NEWS 3
Safety checks on site installed, but doubts remain
MATHIEU RICHARD ceiling collapse in the library walk- ladders etc., but has also suggested a ing to Mr Gillet, both potential caus-
Following the numerous recent inci- way at the beginning of term was the couple of measures for the enhance- es of incidents will be better mas-
dents on the IC construction sites choice of too thin a wire for ceiling ment of the safety controls. tered - the quality of the work in
(Felix 1064), which have entered the ties. The weekly "disruption meetings," itself, and its direct implications on
College folklore, an independent These new members of the Schal between the Imperial College Safety the everyday life of the College.
audit commissioned to investigate team are supposed to minimise the authorities and representatives of the To the question of whether further
has finally reported back. risks of something similar happening construction firms, will now be accidents are still possible, Mr
Several new measures have now again by supervising the work of the chaired by the College Project Caldwell confidently replied with an
been implemented in order to guaran- different sub-contractors and enhanc- Manager, Ian Frame, in order to plan assured tone "We believe that what is
tee the safety of the staff and students ing the co-ordination of the teams. the disruptions and possible hazards in place should prevent other prob-
in response to the safety survey. The Schal has also started advanced train- ahead more than was the case before. lems."
Director of Estates, Ian Caldwell, ing sessions to improve the sub-con- The purpose of these meetings, Nevertheless, the particular condi-
described this issue as "of paramount tractors' concern for safety, and to which have been held since the tions in which the building work has
importance". prepare the workmen more adequate- beginning of the realisation of the to be done - on a functioning and
Following the last incident, Schal, ly for the specific problems raised by project is to avoid as much as possi- crowded campus - are certainly still a
the main contractor, has decided to a construction project in an occupied ble any nuisances to the staff and stu- potential source of incidents.
establish a permanent Quality environment like the College. dents of the College. Students are still wary of the works
Manager on site, as well as a Safety More recently, the report commis- Moreover, the College Safety following the reports of safety
Manager, whose responsibilities sioned by Mr Caldwell from Representative Ian Gillet now breaches and dangerous construc-
include a one-month review of the Waterman Safety Ltd about the safe- inspects the site weekly, also concen- tions reported in previous Felixes. "I
project. This emphasises the fact that ty of the installations on site has trating on the way the contractors' still check the roof just outside the
all incidents have been proved to be revealed a few faults in the overall work affects the College more than library before I go in" commented
due to "lapses in quality" and human disposition of basic requirements on the effective technical quality of one regular user of the facility. "I
error - for example, the cause for the such as fire extinguishers, service the precise work done. Thus, accord- hope it is all worth it in the end."
crash and burn
Not all Degrees
Sunday, 17th November, saw the
launch of the Mars-96 probe by
Russia. It was the culmination of
seven years work and £38.5 million
pounds of funding. Despite high eijjartment of Electronics and Computer Scien 3 ^
hopes and a successful launch the
craft made an unexpected return to Here is an opportunity for suitable E C candidates to secure a rufly-
Earth after the fourth series of boost- funded PhD studentship at one of the world's leading Electronics
er rockets failed to fire. and Computer Science departments,
The spacecraft carried a multitude
of instruments designed to explore • Computer Aided Design
mars and find out more about the • Declarative Systems and Software Engineering
Red planet. It had sensors to mea- • Image, Speech and Intelligent Systems
sure seismic activity, magnetic • Infra Red Science and Technology
fields, atmospheric pressure and • Microelectronics
many other variables, in order to • Multimedia Systems
help scientists determine whether or • Optical Fibres
not microscopic life did once live on • Parallel and Distributed Computing
Mars. • Transducers, Sensors and Instrumentation
Australian Prime Minister, Paul Multi-disciplinary research projects in other areas available.
Keating, ordered emergency teams Enhanced grants are payable in some circumstances.
to be readied following a warning
from the White House that the probe
could crash land there. Luckily the
...here's one that will
probe crashed into the Pacific ocean.
There are, however, fears of a radia-
tion leak as the probe was carrying
tip the B a l a n c e .
several canisters of high-grade plu- :
tonium, which powered the probe's t
generators. Russian scientists have
claimed that they would have sur- x ,
vived the crash intact. ¡ e
Imperial College's Professor
David Southwood, from the Space
and Atmospheric Physics Group,
developed specialist equipment for
E x c e l l e n c e D e g r e e s
4 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
Police exhibit charity streak i n R a g stunt
MARIA IOANNOU up the road towards the waiting These guys were instant celebrities." the Union Building. However, by the
Last Saturday saw the latest outing of crowds. Almost at once, startled "They ran along the opposite pave- Victoria nd Albert Musuem, one of
the infamous Sponsored Nude onlookers began laughing and cheer- ment, pedestrians clapping them as the runners was clearly lagging
Kamikaze Parachute Jump. This is ing, as the streakers became blobs of they went past, to the continued behind. He later claimed to have been
the annual excuse for a small group pink amongst the traffic. A group of laughter and support of everyone on running beyond his aerobic limit, but
of IC students to get their kit off and onlookers began a rousing chorus of the other side of the road. As they ran other observers said that a female
streak from Harrods to Beit Quad, all Rule Britannia. past, the doors of Harrod's opened pedestrian wanted his photograph.
in the name of charity. This year, for Meanwhile, the others were jog-
thefirsttime ever, the rag event man- ging past the Natural History
aged to acquire a police escort. Museum, where there was someone
By 9:15 am last Saturday, eight selling the Big Issue. "Sorry, no
brave men had gathered in Beit Quad change!" shouted one of the runners.
to psych themselves up for the ordeal At the corner of Exhibition Road and
that lay ahead. Last minute doubts Prince Consort Road, the group
over the route were dispelled by old paused to consider options. The
hands who described those wishing majority chose to run a victory lap
to take a shorter run through the back around the Albert Hall. The last run-
streets of Knightsbridge as "girly ner was clearly in trouble, and decid-
wusses." ed to head back to the Union.
Following tradition, the intrepid This laggard had one more piece
band had already decided to go of bad luck to befall him before he
straight down Cromwell Road and saw his trousers again. A mere twen-
then straight up Exhibition Road. ty yards from the Union, while casu-
Standing with just a few layers pro- ally strolling past the Royal College
tecting them from the cold, several of of Music, the long arm of the law
the participants hoped that there caught up with him. Watched by
would be several tourists around the bemused spectators, including a
museums that day, perhaps giving Felix mole, a Police car pulled next
some insight as to the sort of people to the perambulating nude and with
who gladly declothe in public. an "Oi, you. Stop!" he was accosted
As the jump time of 10:00am by the boys in blue.
neared, the excitement and nervous- Satisifed that it was merely a stu-
ness of the jumpers rose. First-time dents stunt for charity and not some
streakers all (few do it twice), the form of massive campaign of civil
journey toward Harrods was punctu- disobedience, the policemen accom-
ated with nervous chatter and chilly panied the student back to the Rag
breath, unsuprisingly for people just office. Luckily, the police decided
wearing their pants and jackets. It not to press charges, and didn't even
was now 9:50, with traffic from Hell, take the details of the runner they
and there were hordes of impatient One of the crowd, positioned just with exquisite timing. On the road, caught, saying it was unfair to do
shoppers thronging the pavements by the Harrods entrance to there was a double decker bus and anything to him just because he was
outside Harrods and Knightsbridge Knightsbridge tube described what the entire top deck were looking out the slowest. Showing a charity streak
Underground station. he saw: "They ran straight across the of the window, waving and cheering. they commented that "women and
To facilitate the 'mission', the main road, and were generally greet- Not far behind the bus, a Police van children didn't want to see naked
minibus turned down a side road just ed by applause and adulation from was waiting, but it was trapped in the overweight blokes on the streets."
before Harrods, allowing them time the crowd. The roads were packed, middle lane." The event raised several hundred
to whip off their knickers and strug- but the traffic all stopped to let them The route followed by the raggies pounds for charity, and was general-
gle out of their jackets. At the pre- past. Taxis honked their horns, dri- took them along Knightsbridge on to ly reckoned to be a success by Rag
arranged signal, the door opened and vers waved, passengers stood up Cromwell Road and right up Chair Andy Southern, with more
they leaped out and started running through sunroofs to get a better look. Exhibition Road, and from there to people participating than in the past.
Selkirk Hall experiences Tarantula trauma
NEWSTEAM the student involved, some of these think this is news, so I'm not going to the common room in the hope that
A chance discovery has exposed a escaped. Other then the re-app, a be helpful." Dr. Hassard, the warden, some kind soul would take it in.
student at Selkirk Hall who has been number of Selkirk Hall students have was unavailable for comment. The Housekeeper of Selkirk, Mr
keeping a tarantula in his bedroom reported seeing some of them, most- The College position has always Pappalardo, who had been away and
since the beginning of term. The pet ly in the area of staircase six. Some been that students are not allowed to was therefore unaware of this,
was discovered after a re-app found were spotted sitting in kitchen sinks, keep pets while they are staying in expressed amazement at the tarantula
crickets, bred by the student to feed others lurking in the showers. The halls of residence, so the heart-bro- and other wildlife. "It isn't as if a
the spider, jumping around his show- presence of these crickets led to the ken student was given 48 hours in tarantula is easy to hide, not like a cat
er cubicle. discovery of the tarantula. which to get rid of his unwelcome or a dog. Next we will be getting
According to insect experts, a full- When asked to comment on the pet. Unconfirmed rumours suggest chimpanzees jumping up and down
grown tarantula can eats about 8-10 situation, the Assistant Subwarden of that he took it to the Biology depart- the galleries. This place isn't meant
crickets per week. Unfortunately for Selkirk Hall remarked, "I really don't ment to be looked after, leaving it in to be a zoo!"
to o u r presentation
o n I T a n d u,our f u t u r e
n . s
More than just a bank
National Westminister Bank Pic seeks to provide equality of opportunity for all individuals.
6 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
Gardens of Enlightenment?
Simon Wistow and Michael Roberts are enlightened by reading IC's application for
spondulicks from the Millenium Comission but have to ask....
Is it all worth it? Who thinks these things up? Cheech Imperial College road, making it the states that "if the bid makes the
One of the first things people and Chonch? David Ike? Neil from focal point along the east-west axis. Commissions' initial long list, further
notice when they come to Imperial is the Young Ones?). This landscaping would create an detailed work will be required", but
that, frankly speaking, the architec- Also on the cards is a new campus open air cafe space in front of the surely it is first impressions that
ture is as inspiring as a flat tire on a entrance at the the junction of Sherfield Building. A mixture of count. How can the application be
rainy night in Moss Side. Yes that is Imperial College road and Exhibiton hard paving, grass and gravel will taken seriously if it is so poor?
a cliched complaint oft heard around road which will include a link to a help to 'soften' the space. Above the Especially when it is hidden among
the JCR (I'm not even going to men- subway system, connecting the South Dalby Court car park, there will be an the hundreds of thousands of other
tioned the lack of women, whoops), Kensington Underground station, the informal space, made either of timber applicants for Millenium money.
but when I came to have my inter- Natural History Museum and the decking or fine gravel. There will be Considering how much we are pay-
view here I was very nearly put off Victoria & Albert Museum. After trees in boxes surrounded by seating ing Sir Norm I think we should have
by how ugly everything was. If removing the traffic from Imperial and screens to create smaller spaces a slightly more impressive document.
Imperial didn't have such a good rep- College road, there are plans to build and since the court is bounded in on And why is the document confiden-
utation then I would never have a tree lined avenue, which will be the North by the Bessemer building, tial? Don't we have a say in what is
come. But (and the large cranes trimmed in the centre to allow light there are plans for an eight-metre- done?
around the campus are a big hint) onto the piece de resistance - a rip- long geological map of the British
I'm sure future freshers will enjoy
things are afoot to renovate the area pling, undulating, canal with bridges Isles. This would be executed in
searching for the few women at IC
and generally change our dear across it. Apparently, "the form of stone, with each of the main geologi-
along the shady banks of our very
College into something we can be the canal with its sinusoidal curves cal units being represented by its own
own aqueous sine wave and, if they
proud of. and the gravel avenue will contrast rock type. It would be surrounded by
get lucky, sitting hand in hand, next
The obvious improvements are, of with the more formal layout of the large shaped boulders, from classic
to a tree in a enclosed space above a
course, the BMS building and the Queens lawn, with its central water geological sites. Are they crazy?
car park. The public can "ooh" and
Library. Despite a few set-backs (and "ahh" at the splendid atomic fountain
near deaths) these are at last under "If this development has public complete with orbiting electrons and
way. However the most important
restructuring is yet to come.
access, will it oe up to Security large scale periodic table for amnesi-
The area around Dalby court is to to combat the inevitable rise in Since the area will be public
be completely transformed and to petty crime and the distinct pos- access, suitable drug dealers may
help pay for the mammoth costs the
College has put in a bid to the
sibilty of vandalism and half- even be on hand to enhance the
'Enlightening'. If this development
Millenium Comission. There is cur- inching, or should it become the has public access, whose jurisdiction
rently £300m being invested by the
Government, the Lottery and private
police's responsibility?" will it fall under? Will it be up to Ken
Weir and his present Security Force
finance in the South Kensington area, to combat the inevitable rise in petty
but this project will be centered feature..." The estimated total cost? A snip at crime and the distinct possibilty of
entirely around the the Civil Eng "Central water feature?" I hear you £6,000,000.00 of which the College vandalism and half-inching, requir-
building and is composed of some, cry? "there ain't no water on the anticipates half will be paid for by a ing College to employ more guards
how shall we say this, interesting Queens lawn". Ah, but this is all to grant from the Commission and half either internally or from an outside
ideas. change. French landscape architect, from revenue from the car park and firm, or should it become the police's
The College wishes to remove the Alain Provost, is being brought in to otehr retail opportunities. responsibility?
existing car and postal van parking create a kinetic art piece, using com- The whole project has potential
spaces from Imperial College road puter controlled fountain jets, which For once I cannot be accused of mak- and it would be nice to be able to
and relocate them to a new, under- can be programmed to change height, ing all this up. I have, in my hands at look in the Imperial College prospec-
ground car park. This new, two level duration and at night, colour and this very moment, a copy of Dalby tus for 1999/2000 and not cringe at
building will provide up to 200 light. Court and Landscaping Milenium the 60s concrete block style architec-
spaces, and would allow parking for To quote the Millenium applica- Lottery Application, a document pre- ture but I think (and hey, I'm never
staff cars during the day, the Albert tion, "We will exploit this technolo- pared by Foster and Partners, the outspoken) that maybe the students
Hall at night and the various gy in an array of 100 or more jets, to very expensive architecture company should have a little more input in to
Museums at the weekend. provide sequences of aesthetic repre- run by Sir Norman Foster. This nom- the whole shebang.
By removing vehicles from sentations of the structure of the ele- inally confidential document was Also, if I was being cynical, I
Imperial College road, the Queens ments - orbiting electrons could, for supplied by a helpful source within would say that maybe there are a few
Lawn would become more accessible example, be isolated, high thrown College administration (it is howver things more important that six thou-
and would be opened to the public, packets of water in transient, concen- in the public domain). sand, thousand squids could be spent
along with the Arts and Music Centre tric shells, around a more stable Even to the untrained eye this doc- on (maybe renovating Evelyn gar-
on top of the Library and the rest of nucleus of protons and neutrons. The ument is, to be frank, pants. It seems dens or rebuilding those buildings
Dalby Court, where "a sequence of periodic table itself could be repre- hurried and scrappily put together, that were built in the 60s to last 20
revitalised spaces would be created... sented on a large scale in the with a bit of wishy-washy landscap- years, for example). This could all be
called The Gardens Of Enlighten- coloured paving of the fountain ing-babble and some photos and dia- a moot point, though, because judg-
ment" (featuring the Shrub of piaza." Eh? grams to pad out space. This is our ing by our application, I wouldn't be
Righteousness and the Tree of The Queens lawn will be resolved application to the Millenium com- surprised if we came away with noth-
Universal Knowledge, perchance? to bring it onto the same height as mission. True, an attached memo ing to spend.
FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
WITH H U M A N - R I G H T S I N C R E A S I N G L Y IN F O C U S , S A N J A Y S I K D A R I N V E S T I G A T E S T H E W O R K O F A M N E S T Y
As many of you will know, Amnesty even occur in supposed democracies.
International is the world's largest Some might say that Amnesty med-
voluntary organisation dealing with dles in the internal affairs of states,
human rights issues. You have prob- but surely the issue of human rights
ably seen their adverts in magazines goes far beyond boundaries.
portraying graphic examples of tor- You may think that being a volun-
ture. This bears testament to the high tary organisation Amnesty has no:
profile Amnesty has. It has 1.1 mil- power to enforce their mandate but
lion members spanning 150 coun- allow me to give you two examples.
tries and territories with 125,000 After hearing of a nine year old
members residing in the British Isles. Ethiopian boy who had been impris-
Amnesty International was founded oned all his life along with his moth-
in 1961 by a British Lawyer, Peter er, children in Norway, sent draw-
Beneson after he heard of human ings and cards to the Oslo office of
rights violations against two Amnesty. These were all bundled up
Portuguese prisoners. It is funded by and forwarded to the President of
members and through the public Ethiopia, along with a message
using strategic fund raising schemes. demanding the release of the two
Amnesty International mission prisoners. Within five weeks mother
statement is simple - to pursue the and child were set free. In a second
release of all prisoners of conscience. example, the President of Brazil was
In other words, those incarcerated so distressed about Amnesty's cam-
solely for their beliefs, colour, sex, paign in Brazil that he vowed
religion, ethnic origin or religion and Brazil's human rights record would
have not used or advocated violence. never be cited again in future reports.
Amnesty International strives for fair Clearly, the power of democracy can
and prompt trials of political prison- force even the most ruthless regimes
ers, it opposes extrajudicial execu- into action.
tions and sudden disappearances
that take place in nations who bla- There are several exciting events that
tantly contravene the concept of have started now which may interest
basic human rights. Amnesty is also you. The "Amnesty International
totally against torture, degrading acts Christmas Raffle 1996" will take
on prisoners and particularly the place on the 20th December (1st
death penalty. This applies to politi- prize £3000, 2nd prize £1500, 3rd
cal and non political prisoners alike
because there is nothing more inhu-
prize £500 and loads of runner-up
prizes of vouchers for Amnesty cata-
MNESTY EEDS OU
mane than to give a person the time logue goods, videos, tapes and At the moment Amnesty is actively trying to recruit student members because
of their death. CD's). they are thought to be active and very passionate in support of causes. If you
Historically, Amnesty Inter- Amnesty International has long wish to become a member you can ring the hotline telephone number (0891
national focused their energies into been associated with music well 445 999). Membership for students costs £7.50 a year.
assisting political prisoners but now before the days of Live A i d . Try out the following quiz to test your awareness of human rights:
includes human rights abuses in its Amnesty, in collaboration with
mandate. For instance, Amnesty Miracle Music, has launched a com- 1. Human rights violations occur in all political ideologies.
fights for asylum seekers who are at petition, for budding songwriters. 2. Torture is prohibited by the U N Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
risk of being deported only to There are two categories: firstly a 3. Prisoners have been tortured in one out of every three countries during the
become prisoners of conscience and song written on any theme and sec- 90's.
face the full wrath of their captors. It ondly a song specifically to do with 4. A 17 year old can be executed in the US but not in Indonesia or Russia
is against abuses by opposition human rights. The first prize in both 5. No innocent US citizens have been executed this century.
groups, prisoner killings, hostage sections is £200 and a publishing 6. In the U S A , those who kill blacks are just as likely to be executed as those
taking and genocide such as the contract, along with the use of a who kill whites.
recent atrocities in Rwanda. The demo studio to record the song. 7. No western industrialised nation apart from the US again uses the death
organisation is also concerned by Second and third prizes are amounts penalty.
people being forced out of their to £100 and £50 respectively plus a 8. Many citizens are silenced through "disappearances" by governments as a
homelands for reasons of belief, reli- publishing contract. A n ideal oppor- means of repression to avoid public criticism.
gion, colour, ethnic origin and lan- tunity for you budding Noel 9. Amnesty International works tirelessly for the release of all political pris
guage and who have not retaliated in Gallaghers or Kurt Cobains to make oners regardless of beliefs or actions.
violence. a positive statement.
10. Amnesty International got the Nobel Peace Prize for 1977 in supporting
Amnesty International does not Finally if you are going to attend Human rights.
believe in criticising particular the "Skunk Anansie U K Tour 1996"
regimes, and ignores government you will probably see Amnesty Answers:
ideology as long as there are no vio- stalls. Raffles will take place includ-
lations of human rights - that can ing a boogie box signed by the band.
3iux(0I3MBd(63tui(8 l(£ I d(9 siBd(g3nJl(l7onJx(e3nJl(3onJi(i
3Iu 3S B 3
NEWS FEATURE FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER FELLX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER NEWS FEATURE 9
J-up, Roll-up, get out those loan agreements, photocopy those bank-statements, there are prizes to be won in
ML IC's annual bullshitting contest... For today sees the deadline for applications for student Access funds.
finally intended as an alloc >r those I going particular financial hardship, today's falling
: nts and soaring living costs have produes
itough IC's budget for such ar.<<.<.ui
in the number of students applying to the fund.
s, more fingers in the pie can onlv mean less pie per
ger, and so the more deserving cases are inevitably losing out to those students willing to make financial gain
by being economical with the truth. This has turned the applications procedure into something resembling a cre-
ative writing contest... Those individuals not fortunate enough to be blessed with missing limbs, debilitating ill-
nesses or children are having to become increasingly inventive in order that their pleas be heard above the beg-
ging throng. To this end, and in keeping with the standards of journalistic integrity that our readers have come
to expect, Felix has compiled a list of 101 tall tales, outrageous claims and abject lies with which to boost your
1. Trips to visii i* luiive ondeatl '>ed (in New Zealand.) chances of a windfall come the new year, Pens at the ready...
t 2. Parents moved house without leaving a forwarding address, thus destitute.
3. Library fines,
4. Forced to pay £2000 fine to TV licence,people, acting upontip-offby hall cleaners.
5. Mugged whilst .walking to landlord's office to pay deposit in cash.
6. Forced to live in expensive, nearby flat due to diagnosed clinical laziness (Doctor's certificate attached.)
7/8/9. Failed - i - aiket/property/drug deal.
10. Personal bank collapsed, all assets frozen.
11. Only able to eat extremely expensive foods, due to rare dietary condition (Doctor's certificate attached.) sible for bad debts. -
12. Ripped off by disgruntled boy/girlfriend. 64.Ploughed both grant and loan into top-secret personal research project (Nobel prize imminent.)
13. Abducted by cult, brainwashed into donating all worldly possessions to Krishna. \ 65. Frequent trips to New York, Paris etc... for 'vital research purposes."
14. Failed multiple-lottery-ticket scam. 66. Squandered all available funds in a vain attempt to woo a particular member of the opposite sex.
15. Only able to shop at Harts, due to bizarre inherited nocturnal sleeping patterns (Doctor's certificate attached.) •.
( 7 Cost of redecorating and refurbishing flat after third patty...
16. Left wallet in a phone-box on Charing-Cross Road, later detonated by the bomb squad. 68. Fire... "*|
17. Hopeless womaniser, embroiled in multiple paternity-suites. Iff. and Theft.
jfliy JJ8119/20. Needed expensive psychiatric treatment following alien abduction/near miss by falling library ceilingrhyp- 70. Act of God (uninsured.)
: :: . ..... ... • .
ittlj Jfe^/nqjps outing fresher's week.
71. Terrible cook; can only eat out. ' 1
21. Victim of credit card fraud.
T^ferrified of London, hence exorbitant travel expenses.
22/23/24. Flat infested, grant spent on cockroach traps/rat poison/having the squatters evicted.
73; Ffet situated next to Bosphorus Kebab, entailing obvious increase in living costs.
:•*,; 25. Needed to buy vast television, due to failing eyesight (Doctor's certificate attached.)
jHBHp situated far from Sainsbury's, entailing obvious increase in living costs.
26. Needed to buy vast speakers, due to failing hearing (Doctor's certificate attached.)
7 5 . Member of Conservative Society (refused to cash grant cheque on principle.) *
27. Needed to fit double glazing, due to failing hearing of neighbours opposite.
76. NljiSber of Socialist Worker Student Society (refused to open bank account on principle, hence unable to cash grant cheque.) :
28. Bank error in bank's favour (£200.)
77. Spent entire grant, loan and overdraft in a single day, following a premonition that the world was going to end (since proven
29. Accidentally played Monopoly with real money and lost.
30/31/32. Flat demolished by falling asteroid/satellite/747. > pay reparations >
,;e> - n-:r g up jm
33. Caught up in South Kensington protection racket (money needed urgently.) 79. D r i v i i i c le-vsons. '
34. Spent grant on sandwiches from the JCR (Doctor's certificate attached.) 8'0. C o l o u r b l i n d , hence unable to tell betjif|lj, inations of bank-note .Doctor's certificate attached,
35. Knocked over a Ming vase with rucksack during visit to the V&A. K/S2-/83- Overdraft caused bv addiction t l j l f * e/Bosphoni$%iixed grills.
36. Entirety of possessions removed by a removals firm calling at the wrong address. 84. Cats to support.
37. Overspent during a bout of "Sainsbury's rewards point fever." 85. Threats of violence . bank-manager.
38. Grant cheque bounced. 86. Chain-drinker.
39/40/41. Last year's access fund cheque eaten by dog/roommate/IC internal mail system. 87. Failed bid to host next Olympic Games.
42. Suffered blow on head causing amnesia, and thus incurred tuition fees re-learning how to speak, eat, integrate 88. Money vanished during holiday in the Bermuda tria
89. Couldn't possibly wear last year's fashions (darling.)
43, Personal accountant AWOL. Last communication received; a post-card from Rio de Janeiro carrying tfteohly the 90. Somebody I know got £500 last year.
message "It's all gone. Sorry." (photocopy attached.) 91. National Insurance contributions.
44/45. Donated student loan to donke> ianuuar>/Kurt CVbai memorial fund. 92. Negative equity.
46. Accidentally left the . theoi a f l H H ^ H H £ ( £ c friend in Hong Kong. 93. Invisibles;
47. Can only wear silk, due to . . t * tor's certificate attached.) 94. Overheads.
48. Forced to replace entire wardrobe following a grievous lapse of concentration in the launderette. 95. Sundries and miscellany.
49. Grant spent on skin grafts following an accident in chemistry lab. 96.1 simply don't know where all the money went.
' SO. Grant spent on false limbs following an accident in the Mech Eng workshop.
97. Lost student loan in Nigerian investment portfolio hoax.
51. Grant spent on a guide dog following an accident in the laser lab. 1
/ / 98/99/100. You have to give me the money, I'm in the boat club/on the University Cl|jj pal friend; :
52. Gullible. .. .And the least believable of all: 101. Spent it on textbooks.
53. Prostitute's fees; a justifiable expenditure resulting from the disadvantageous male:female ratio (mate applicants
54. Bodyguard's fees; a justifiable expenditure resulting from the disadvantageous male:female ratio (female appli-
55/56. Legal costs/Vet's bills resulting from bizarre sexual practices/preferences.
57. Forced to replace flatmate's microwave oven following failed suicide bid. _ . ,
58. Toupee purchased to replace hair lost throughfinancialstress. .
59. Got married, had kids, settled down during the summer holidays.
60. Foolishly let slip PIN number to roajtmate whilst sleep-talking, hence bankrupt.
61/62. Compelled to buy suit for job interview/roommate's funeral.
63. Father, head of crumbling media empire, committed suicide by leaping from his private yacht, leaving one respon-
10 NEWS FEATURE FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
O N T H E ISLAND OF
A voyage of Strangers in
The rest of the intrepid expedition had gone to Though it is a cliche, it is unfortunately true that
brave the mountains of Kolumbangara's interior nowhere on earth is entirely perfect, and the
(Kolumbangara is one of the Solomon Islands, bare patches on the mountain side stood out as a
in the Western Pacific), and I had been told, with testament to the destructive power of the log-
all due subtlety, that as a mere girl, I would slow ging industry. The loggers are at the root of
them down. deep and bitter disputes between the island's
This left me at a loose end in a male domi- community which reach right down to family
nated training camp - the envy my friends had level.
shown when I told them I would besharing my In the Solomon Islands, titles like "chief are
holiday with eighty 16-21 year old lads (and passed on mainly through the paternal line, and
five Australian monks) proving to have been the chiefs are seen as caretakers of the land. But
misplaced. So, I borrowed a dug out canoe and it is the woman who actually own the land,
set out to sea. It was about 8 'o' clock, and the passed on through the maternal line. However,
sun illuminated the rainbow of colours thrown the logging companies had gone into the islands
out by the coral, living on the shallow seabed, assuming that the land was owned by the chiefs.
easily visible through the crystal clear tropical Consequently, they thought that they had
water. obtained permission to log the forest.
As I paddled on, following the shoreline Unfortunately, as the the chiefs did not actually
around the mountainous tropical island, I passed own the land many cases have gone to court.
a few palmleaf huts and an overwhelming num- The matter of landrightsand logging has led to
ber of half-dressed native children. A school of feuds within families in a society where the
dolphins soon joined me, swimming in front of sense of family is extremely strong and looking
the canoe - but always keeping their distance. after your 'wantoks' (relations) is a social
The Solomon islanders consider them a pest as responsibility.
they eat the precious tuna stocks, and the dol- Although this system has many advantages -
phins have learnt to stay out of spear's reach. there are no beggars, and all the old and infirm
Yet the dolphins stayed with the my canoe; leap- are looked after by their families - it also has a
ing across its path as I continued my voyage, on system of strict taboos. A husband is not
around the island. allowed to go to the bathroom if his wife's
Following the coastline of this beautiful brothers are in the same house, and while climb-
island, you begin to feel that you are no longer ing Mount Popamanseu I was asked to keep my
on the same planet as that inhabited by SW7 - hair tied up, as the local giant took offense to
the clear turquoise oceans, clean air and simple long hair,and would "do your hair in" if he was
native ways of life are so far removed from the angered.
unstoppable pace of twentieth century living that Later, paddling along the coast of an idyllic
we have all grown up with. Indeed, you easily island in the increasingly fierce sun, Mount
begin to beliieve that some mythical shield pro- Popamanseu seemed less daunting, though
tects this lonley paradise from the forces of other dangers exist for those in canoes.
change. Tararamanu, the
Yet all of a sud- Sea Devil, will
den, the only venture forth
reality of on clear moonlit
the mod- nights when his
em world anger spurs him
hits you to lightening
smack in | strikes. Luckily,
the face... I was safe today
- apart from a
bad case of
At a loose end in the Solomon Islands
FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER COLUMNS 11
Time for a change this week, I think. Single Market, which allies more peoples of Europe, particularly veto. This shows that the system is
You must be a shade fatigued by the closely with Britain's long standing Germany are beginning to see. How not working. Individual concerns are
relentless 'analysis' of Sherfield's adherence to free trade than with on earth can the Deutschmark retain being swept away in the name of the
activities, entirely justified as it is, of many of our continental partners, is all its value after 1999 if it becomes greater good. Subsequently the only
course. As for Ian Caldwell, even I very important. My problem is with the Euro merged with currencies it way that our voice can be heard is by
am almost tinged with guilt, particu- the inexorable has historically scuppering major summits, which
larly since he is finally starting to act drive to harmon- ^ | JJ*| 0 J D G K C F been stronger does little for the dignity of the EU.
with financial prudence over the sale isation, integra- than? However, desperate situations call
of Boathouse rubble to the alumni. tion and federal- for desperate remedies. So much of
Magnificent idea. If it worked for ism. As the days Britain, quite recent EU policy is blatantly against
some hideous lump of concrete in go by, I can find rightly, is not tak- Britain's best interests- fishing, agri-
Germany, think what we can get for more and more ing all this at face culture, employment, transport and
lovely Putney bricks. I shall also reasons why value. We are so on. It is time to renegotiate our
resist the urge to mention a recent monetary union quite prepared to position in the club, otherwise we
incident in the Student fees office, is fatally flawed. pick and choose will arrive at a situation where public
where a friend of mine was kept Aside from the policies that are opinion will jeopardise the benefits
waiting for over five minutes, despite pathetic point beneficial to by calling for our exit, which is not
the presence of six staff when he about tourists Britain, since we as crazy as it sounds.
entered the room, finally to be served avoiding curren- clearly don't share
by some chap whose essential work cy commission, the Franco- Finally, can I remind the Hockey
on a computer consisted of playing not one water-
German 'dream' Thirds that 'funny names' in your
Chess. Perhaps Mike Hansen would tight argument
of a united reports were funny and original at
care to take up the running on this for it appears to
Europe. The roughly the sametimethat Little and
one. have been put. VOICQ OI
No, this week it's Europe.
The notion that Reason recent working
week fiasco is a
Large were. The sports team, devious
swines that they are, only leave them
economies as disparate as Germany perfect example. We secure an opt in to make you look silly, so don't
Die-hard followers of this column and Portugal can be 'aligned' and out from the Social Chapter, which do it. 'Indian Carpet catalogue'
will know that I am not the most 'converge', to be run under a single contains the legislation, and so the indeed. But what happened to 'Swiss
ardent fan of the European Union. I economic policy and interest rates is European Commission decide to call Cottage'?
have long held the belief that the plainly absurd, a point which the it Health and Safety, which we can't
in the course of duty - THE WEEKLY P O E M
supplied by PoetIC
At this point I must take a brief break mutilation. So, what is the problem
from my academic extemporising to with Crash? It is different because it
alert everyone that a great, perverse is not enjoyable, it is not pleasant, it
and repugnant injustice may soon be is wholly foul. This is because it NIGHT TO DAY
brought upon us all. For those of exposes parts of the human psyche
you who have not kept up with cur- which the politicians prefer to brush
rent affairs, certain people are under the carpet. They do not want Sinking into this murky depression,
attempting to ban the release of the to admit that humans might be by no control of one's powers
film 'Crash'. Crash was made by their very nature cruel, sexual and powers seem to be lost
David Cronenbourg, possibly the beings, excited by violent, senseless Bliss and happiness arriving abruptly
most vital, creative film maker alive death. They prefer to imagine that then going away quietly
today. It was based on the book by people can, and will, fit into the in a simmering twilight
J. G. Ballard, the most profound, shroud of artificial normality that Covers the ears
prophetic writer of the late twentieth they have cast. making a sign of understanding...
century. The book tells the tale of It is in a similar manner that cer- cars passing by seeking the buzz...
certain normal individuals, and the tain psychological experiments It's night again.
manner in which their lives were (Milgram's obedience experiment All the zeros join together
irrevocably changed by their and Zimbardo's prison simulation; I to make for a new start,
involvement in serious car crashes. will not go into details here but they that won't begin,
Although I have not seen it (and pos- are described in any standard psy- Nil
sibly never will) there is no doubt in chology textbook should you wish to You haven't got a stomach for this.
my mind that this film is one of the look them up) have been branded It's all acting in a world that you dream upon.
most beautiful, powerful and dis- unethical. The ostensible reasons for Just one slight breath changes it
turbing ever made. And yet, this are weak and largely irrelevant; From night to day
philistines such as Virginia the real reason for this branding was Dawn.
Bottomley are attempting to prevent simply because they revealed the Impatience and ruin
the public seeing it. Their claim: that true brutality of the human mind. Waking up, dancing, weaving their old pattern.
it is sick, pornographic and brutal.
So I say that Crash must be Leaving information on where
They are correct of course, it is shown. In fact it should be shown to begin again:
sick, it is depraved, it is undeniably everywhere; in cinemas, on televi- Just a thought
brutal and possibly pornographic, sion, in supermarkets, on giant pub-
but that is no reason for not showing lic screens on street corners. It Stelios
it - it is also a great, important work should be compulsory viewing at
of art. Films such as Die Hard and schools, it should be an essential part
Eraser are far more brutal and vio- of every curriculum. Not just PoetIC is the creative writing society of Imperial College. The next PoetIC
lent than this, and far lesser works of because it is an incredible work of j workshop will be on Monday 25th November at 5.30 in Room G21 of the
art, and they are shown and lauded at art, but because it could prove to be RSM building. For more details contact Keith McNulty on ext 58610 (e-
every turn. The crowds love them, the most revealing film ever made. mail: firstname.lastname@example.org).
they cheer at every decapitation and
12 NOTICES FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
IMPERIAL C O L L E G E U N I O N
STUDENT'S REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL
POSITIONS V A C A N T :
WARDEN W O M E N ' S O F F I C E R
TO BE ELECTED A T THE N E X T COUNCIL MEETING.
FOR D E T A I L S O F P O S I T I O N , C O N T A C T T H E PRESI-
D E N T ERIC A L L S O P V I A T H E U N I O N OFFICE.
W A N T E D : A W A R D E N FOR
SMALL S T U D E N T HOSTEL I N
K I N G S CROSS news, photography and features
A C C O M M O D A T I O N A N D £ 4 , 0 0 0 P.A. F O R 3 0
music, film, art and theatre review
HOURS AVAILABILITY E A C H WEEK A N D S O M E
DUTIES. IDEAL F O RS O M E O N E W R I T I N G U P THESIS. meetings
FOR M O R E DETAILS, P H O N E : 0171 935 9611 OR
a feature editor
u I* layout people
P r i n t Unit
Photocopying news reporters
A 4 copies, 5 p a sheet
more than 1 0 0 copies, theatre reviewers
A 3 copies, lOp a sheet
come in and see
Letterheads, Compliment Slips, us in the corner
Carbon Copy, Office Stationery,
FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER LETTERS & EDITORIAL 13
^TFELIX Student Newspaper of Imperial College
Produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board
Printed by Imperial College Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road,
London SW7 2BB. Telephone/fax: 0171 594 8072
Copyright Felix 1996. ISSN 1040-0711
E d i t o r Alex Feakes / A d v e r t i s i n g M a n a ge r Mark Baker
STRIKE O N E ? ing, lack of attention, and lack of demonstrators to support their action, strike by HE personnel is rare - the
In a rare display of solidarity and respect for the hundreds of thousands and an NUS policy to join the strike, last was over ten years ago - and
action, the College was closed this of students, workers and lecturers. picket lines were still breached by therefore deserves good coverage.
week by the combined effect of tech- Nationwide, the day of action was students, and lectures still took place. Academics are sensible people and
nicians, manual workers and lectur- startlingly successful, with all HE It would seem that a day off in pas- would not go so far as to strike if they
ers striking. The issues that have establishments affected. The AUT sive support of a protest against cuts did not have a genuine grievence.
brought these disparate groups were early in claiming a majority of in HE funding - which ultimately As the Rector said in his
together are firstly money, and sec- institutions more or less closed by the affect all students - is less favourable Commemoration Day speech, the
ondly the state of HE in Britain. strike. In London, University College than braving the cold and wet for a Government has stated that there are
The level of anger amongst the was closed, King's College severely few understaffed lectures or a chance no votes in HE. The implication is
pickets on Tuesday morning was under-staffed and many smaller col- to use the internet. Are students here that we are a soft target for cuts. This
running high. The weather for the leges were also affected. At IC, near- so laid-back that even a day in bed is week's action was a valiant effort to
occasion, freezing rain, sleet and ly all 600 technical and support staff too radical for them? expose the complacency behind this
snow, was perhaps suited to the mis- were on strike, as were a number of The day of protest unfortunately stance. Let us all hope that next
erable state of affairs that prompted lecturers, and at least five depart- coincided with other equally impor- week's Budget reflects the views of
the action. Higher education is in a ments were closed completely. tant items of news, and was not real- the hundreds of thousands of voters
mess, they said, through lack of fund- However, despite calls by the ly give the coverage it deserves. A affected by Higher Education cuts.
ETTERS T O ELIX
Clayponds talks back out of your room. (I subsequently added this to my nous, acrid fumes that are produced
The common room was merely an reply in Felix, together with the fact on combustion.
Dear Editor, example of how College money is that I agreed with your earlier remark Also, there are direct health prob-
For fear of this letter sounding a available for certain things but not about budgets being used to cover lems associated with consuming
bit 'tit for tat', I shall be brief. I am of for others. I'm not saying that people things up, but it wasn't published). trace amounts of common plastics.
course referring to Danny Segal's don't want one. After all, if some- Meanwhile, my letter has also New research is revealing that they
response in last week's Felix to my body issues a questionnaire asking been in IC Reporter and I have had contain chemicals capable of mimic-
previous letter concerning security at 'Would you like a Jacuzzi and satel- only praise from my colleagues and king oestrogen and other sex hor-
Clayponds. lite TV installed in your home ?', other staff. Since I wrote my letter, mones. In an age where fertility is
In my letter I mentioned that I you're not going to say no are you?! Mr Foster has undertaken a QT cus- dropping devastatingly fast, this
would like to see deadlocks fitted on Yours sincerely, tomer survey. I am awaiting the should be a real concern. Polystyrene
our front doors and used the common Andrew Payne results. also releases free radicals (nasty) and
room money as a possible means of Linda Hart can spoil the taste of the food.
funding this venture. Danny 'took Result for sandwich Imperial College Da Vinci's may not have the space
issue' with my 'conclusion' that the campaign and facilities to use real crockery, but
most urgent upgrade was in the form Dear Felix, alternatives exist. Waxed cardboard
of better locks for the front doors on Dear Mr Baker, It seems almost churlish to criti- plates and bowls are available to
the grounds that only one of the bur- Thank you for taking up my cam- cise the cheerful budget fodder sup- almost any specification. In particu-
glaries over the summer had paign against QT. I really should plied in Da Vinci's. Many over- lar, there is no excuse for using poly-
involved entrance through a front have let John Foster write his own worked academics punctuate their styrene for cups; even McDonald's -
door. reply, but as he took the trouble to day with their fine coffee, and lunch the paradigm of materialistic waste-
This seems to be a case of 'we're come and see me personally, and time sees throngs of brassic students fulness and social corruption - use
not going to spend money on this appeared not to have read Felix (and keeping mind and body united with paper vessels throughout.
because there are other far weaker I am such a kind and uncynical per- their infallible curries. Its time to take responsibly as con-
points that need dealing with first' ie son) I thought I would report what he But, as you've probably guessed, sumers. We can't afford to treat our
he practically acknowledges that the said. I even let him see what I had I'm going to criticise it anyway. world as a dustbin any longer.
general level of security is appalling. written before I sent it to Felix, hence I have been concerned for some David Ross,
Well I'm sorry but the issue of dead- the use of the words "trading sur- time about the immense quantities of Mech Eng II
locks IS an important one, not least plus" where I originally put "profits" polystyrene consumed. Every curry,
because one is unable to get private and the bit about the Sandwich Shop meal, coffee, cake and even bread Letters may be edited for length.
house and contents insurance at a having lower overheads. I thought I roll comes with its own quietly dis- The guest editor's opinions
sensible premium without such a repeated the word "apparently" turbing, disconcertingly white and are not necessarily those
lock. Instead one is forced to pay the enough times that it should have utterly unbiodegradable plastic disk. of the editor.
high 'All Risks' cover offered by the been obvious I was merely reporting Once a styrene object is created, it is Deadline for letters in Felix 1071
College for any computers etc which what Mr Foster said and did not nec- never destroyed. No organism exists is Monday 25th November.
should NOT be classified as 'All essarily believe it. I would like to that can digest the stuff (though my Please bring some form of identi-
Risks' unless they are portable and know why the college charges its flatmate's working on it) and most fication. Letters may be e-mailed
you wish them to be covered when own catering department overheads people are familiar with the poiso- to our address: email@example.com
NEWS: MARIA AND JACKIE; FEATURES: ROBIN, SANJAY AND DAVID, PUZZLES: DUNCAN ROBERTSON; ILLUSTRATIONS: STAVROS; GRAPHICS AND LAYOUT:
DAVID AND CHRIS; PHOTOGRAPHY: LING, ALDUS, MATTHEW AND LILY; SPORT: DAVID; GENERAL HELPFULNESS: JON.
COLLATING LAST WEEK: ROBIN AND DAVID; SECRETARY: SARAH
14 CROSSWORD FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER
BUILDING B L O C K S BY CLANSMAN AND COBRA Puzzle E: Puzzle H:
Look at the example given Rules: 5. Only words that are in com-
below: mon use in the English language
1. Add one letter and do an ana- may be used, so for example "psi"
t gram of the letters (when and if can be used as although it is strictly
at necessary) to create a new word, speaking Greek, it is in use, for
eat and continue in this manner until example, in many science subjects.
date the final word is obtained (the first
stead letter and last word are given). assorted charmers
2. Proper nouns are allowed, but
In getting from one word to the should be avoided if possible (all Puzzle A: Puzzle C: Puzzle F: Puzzle I:
next, one letter is added and, when the puzzles in this edition can be
necessary, an anagram is done to completed without the use of prop- d m
form a new word. In the process, er nouns).
the words get longer and longer 3. A word may not be converted
until the final word (in this case into it's immediate plural (e.g. in
"stead") is reached. At each stage, the example given, date may not be
the letters used must form a proper converted into dates). However,
word. Using the example above as plurals are allowed if an anagram
a basis, can you get from the start- has taken place to make it (e.g. live ailments imagined
ing letter to the final word in each — veils). Adding an "s" is allowed
of the puzzles given on the right? A if it does not create a plural (e.g. reinstated
list of rules is given to the right. require — > requires).
Thanks to astra for the original 4. No apostraphes or hyphenated Puzzle B: Puzzle D: Puzzle G: Puzzle J:
idea. words may be used.
a) (32.9); b)(7,14); c) (16,27); di(21,30); e)(13.35V, 0(29.22);
g><5,40); h)(36,39); i) (17,28); j) (11,4): k) (26,19); I)(23.15):
m) (34,41); n) (33,31; o)(J8.25V, p) (1,12); q 1(24,2); r) (8,10V, sacking
s) (31.20), t) (37,6) leaving "customs" (38). integral reversal
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F E L I X FRIDAY 22ND N O V E M B E R SPORT 15
R S M F O O T B A L L FIRSTS STORM F O O T B A L L SECONDS O V E R C O M E
T H R O U G H I N CUP BATTLING K I N G ' S
After receiving a bye in the first the goal of the season. The most important day of the sea- was rapidly followed up when a deep
round, RSM Firsts started their cup However, RSM then - whether out son so far ended in glorious victory cross let Martin head neatly back
venture in the second round against of compassion or merely lack of con- on and off the pitch for the IC across goal and into the net. There
Charring Cross Firsts. It was going to centration - handed the opposition Seconds. then followed a period of consolida-
be a good benchmark for us since the the initiative. Charring Cross did cre- With the league stage of the tion with our back four of Blondie,
opposition plays in a league higher ate some half-chances, but could not BUSA cup on a knife-edge, "IC Will, German and Phil "the pill" con-
than ours. capitalise on their achievements until Slags" needed a win to secure a place trolling play, and effectively block-
The game started off with RSM twenty minutes from time. Although in the next round. A depleted IC side ing King's from taking any initiative.
having the better play. Ten minutes Larson managed a touch, the ball had lost 3-0 to King's last Saturday - A rare defensive lapse let King's
into thefirsthalf Johan was through could not be prevented from going today grit and determination were pull one back and the game caught
on goal, only to be blatantly fouled. in, to reward Charring Cross for their needed to ensure a return victory, fire. Both sides put in a mighty effort
A clear professional foul, therefore efforts. and we showed both. but our class showed through as the
deserving a red card. But the referee Keith, in keeping with a long tra- The first half was scrappy and ball was worked around their area to
let the guilty player off. We did how- dition of RSM attacking right-backs, sadly disrupted by a King's midfield- Felix, who produced a sensational
ever get a free-kick in a dangerous restored the two goal lead. Johan er who was clearly there to foul, dive strike into the top corner - rippling
position. Michael turned the ball then had a chance to add to the score- - and not much else. Unfortunately, the net and breaking King's hearts.
around the wall, leaving the goalie line, when we were awarded a penal- with the referee struggling to main- The game ended with the dismissal
no chance. We then forced a two-nil ty kick. However, he opted instead tain control German, our bruising of their midfielder, whose conduct
lead, following a magnificent indi- for a rather convincing impression of Georgian defender, took matters into throughout the match was nothing
vidual effort from Si. After winning Gareth Southgate. his own hands in an incident that short of disgraceful.
the ball, he easily passed three All in all, this was a good result,, earned both players involved a book- The victory was topped off in
defenders and then chipped the thanks to a good combined perfor- ing. Southside bar later in the evening as
goalie. Without question, this was mance from the entire team. A rousing half-time speech from the IC footballers faced up to IC
captain marvel Steve stirred our rugby club in a seven-man boat race.
blood and within minutes we were Naturally, we emerged triumphant.
I C BASKETBALL SECURES on top thanks to our deadly duo up All in all, a great day for IC
front. A through ball from the mighty Seconds.
N U M B E R O N E SPOT Robo put Alex in to score, and this
T MOURITIS King's college, later today. A victory
IC basketball Men's first team will put IC through to the BUSA last
secured thefirstplace in their group
last week, after crushing the (not par-
If you would fancy watching a
ticularly strong) resistance of St strong basketball match involving FENCING
George's Medical School. The dif- your university team, check our IC M E N 26 - 1 R O Y A L HOLLOWAY
ference in technical skills between noticeboard for the details.
IC WOMEN 2 - 1 6 ROYAL HOLLOWAY
the players of the two team, strength-
ened by the fact that St George's The Men's second team, unfortu-
only came up with five players for nately, paired their defeats, this time B A S K E T B A L L
the match is mirrored on the final by QMW 2nd. The performance was
I C M E N 1 ST 105 - 28 S T G E O R G E ' S
score: an astonishing 105-28. much better than in the first match,
This would have been even bigger, but the result was fair, as QMW were I C M E N 2 N D 7 0 - 94 Q U E E N M A R Y 2ND
if we didn't have to get out of the stronger under the basket. Now the
court as we were running out of time. Seconds have five home matches in a F O O T B A L L
The next match for the team will be row, and can perhaps change their
an away play-off, probably against IC 1ST0 - 2 KING'S 1ST
luck and performance.
IC 1 S T 0 - 3 ST MARY'S
IC 2ND 3 - 1 KING'S 2ND
M I X E D FORTUNES FOR I C
IC 2ND 0 - 0 QUEEN M A R Y 2ND
CROSS-COUNTRY IC 3RD 3 - 7 KING'S 3RD
The latest fixture in this seasons women mustered the energy to dom- IC 4TH 2 - 2 Q U E E N M A R Y 4TH
cross-country championship saw inate. Jennie won, again, and Maria
R S M 1ST 3 - 1 C H A R R I N G C R O S S
both of IC's teams journeying to put in a good run, despite this being
Wimbledon Common, where the herfirstrace this year.
men could only put in a sub-standard "Yellow-arse" finally managed to R U G B Y
performance. beat the guest seventy year-old run-
Good individual achievements ner, by kicking his Zimmerframe IC 2ND 50 - 0 L S E
were let down by " A pint of what?" away. And where were the I C 3 R D 12 - 3 0 U C L
Fishick. Gaffer, Ponytail and Three- Flowerpot Men? - out looking for
I C W O M E N 10 - 0 B A R T S
Cubed put in great showings, finish- Wombles!
ing tenth, sixteenth and eighteenth Yet another great day out was
respectively, but our "star runner" assured, however, thanks to the bar- H O C K E Y
did not even bother to grace us with maid with the short skirt at the Grid R S M X I 1 6 - 0 CHARING CROSS
his presence. Inn, who provided hours of entertain-
In spite of coming in a car, the ment.
16 SPORT F E L I X FRIDAY 22ND N O V E M B E R
F E L I X SPORT
Wales, swimming, and the meaning of 3°C
was me who went swimming).
On a traditional canoe club freshers After all the excitement, it was
trip there is a chance for the new back to the hut for chilli (of course)
members to attempt some simple and lots of beer, thanks to Ross and
white-water paddling. However, due the chocolate eating kip kid Drew,
to the lack of water in the preferred who procured us this banquet.
rivers, and the use of the new, seem-
ingly indestructable, two seater So to Sunday, and the middle section
teaching kayak our plans were of the Conwy. Now back on a fairly
altered. sensible river, the beginners were
After arriving early on Saturday taught the essential basics of pad-
morning we woke up early (honestly, dling on a flowing river. They coped
we did) and set off for the Aber amazingly on a tough stretch of
Glaslyn. After scraping and knuck- water, with an astoundingly low
ling down the top section, being fear- number of swims.
less/stupid, we decided to attempt the If the innane grins on everyone's
gorge taking a beginner down in the faces afterwards is any indication,
two seater. A probe team was sent then fun was had by all, and we are
down first with all the usual probe all looking forward to our next trip.
beater problems. After they had
shown us quite impressively where accurate) and they managed to only brave and trusting beginner and Anyone interested in canoing can
not to get stuck or pinned, and where come out and swim once, putting a Garth (acting like a fish for the third meet the canoe club at 7.15 on a
to avoid three-boat pile-ups, we set big dent in the back which had time this week). Tuesday evening in Beit for a pool
off. mended itself by the next morning. Unfortunately the rest of us were session. Our next river trip is to the
The two seater charged down the Even the breaker (many pointed not quite as impressive, going down River Dart next weekend. All stan-
river (well, bounced might be more rocks) was negotiated superbly by a backwards and swimming (OK, so it dards are welcome.
Strong performances all round for IC rugby
I C M E N ' S THIRD X V I C M E N ' S SECOND X V IC WOMEN'S X V
The first-half of the game proved SERGE BLANCO sewn up by the interval with IC The driving rain did nothing to
difficult. After conceeding thirty FELIX RUGBY CORRESPONDENT stretching the lead out of the Econ- dampen IC's spirits in their first
points to UCL, the IC Thirds recol- Needing a victory to ensure progress omists reach, rampaging to 31-0. game of the season, against Barts.
lected their thoughts during the into the play-offs in the BUSA In the second-half IC kept up the We hit them hard in the first ten
interval, and so dominated the sec- national championships, IC Seconds pressure, and further tries followed minutes, with Sarah Waiman scor-
ond-half that UCL were unable to produced a top notch performance, for Kolone Yung (his fourth of the ing a stormingfirsttry. The opposi-
improve on their score. and demolished LSE to the tune of a year), James Sopper and Michael tion began to fight back, but excel-
With an agressive return, IC massive (and almost unbelievable) Peachmont (with his second of the lent defence work kept Barts at bay
showed their prowess as a well dis- margin of fifty (that's right, fifty) day). Fullback Justin Lee supplied for the rest of the first-half.
ciplined squad. Relentless tackling points to nil. five conversions, adding a further ten After the break, IC began to fight
and recycling from the forwards From the opening kickoff, IC points to the rapidly swelling IC back, with Petra delivering a second
unleashed the pace and swift han- made their intentions clear, with a scoreline. try to boost the winning margin to a
dling of the backs. Little more than seven phase sequence moving IC to To be truthful, LSE never stood a convincing ten points, with the final
ten minutes into the match the the the LSE tryline. Capitalising on the chance, as IC systematically took score IC 10, Barts 0.
back-row co-ordinated with the cen- opportunity offered by a strike them to the cleaners, as the scoreline Everyone played well, especially
tres to put Toby Hoakin in for a con- against the head, Darren Bryce bull- so clearly demonstrates. the new girls. In particular, some
verted try. A second try was sealed dozed in to open the floodgates. Skipper Julian Harrison was superb flying tackles from Clare,
in the corner from another backrow Continuity was a major theme of the extremely satisfied with the team and a formidable front row led by
manoevre minutes later. match, with the IC pack able to con- performance - though next weeks Mo, were key in this victory. The
With the spirit and pressure gener- tinuously recycle the ball and make opponents will hopefully provide players of the match were Mo
ated during the second-half, it was further inroads into a beleagured stiffer opposition. Bradley for the forwards, and Petra
only a shame more points didn't LSE defence. The whole team then retired to Vacas for the backs.
come. In the end, the scoreline didn't Tries flowed thick and fast, with Khan's for a well deserved victory The team performance showed
reflect the effort that IC put in, with Michael Peachment, Dave Chatagy meal, happy in the knowledge that huge promise for the remainder of
UCL taking the match by thirty and Barry Richards making one each glory is within their grasp. the season.
points to twelve. before half-time. The game was