copies - Felix by linxiaoqin



                                                                                                                                   Friday 22nd November, 1996
                                                                                                                                                   issue 1070

est. 1949
                                                  Student Newspaper of Im

                                          -:.blV.V"i&.fyXLk'    ./ :                                                               Weekend this week:
                                                                                                                                    girls and boys, the
                                                                                                                                     gender divide

Unions' strike success paralyses Imperial
MATTHEW BENNETT A N D                                                                                                        ported the unions' stance in princi-
MAEVE CAREY                                                                                                                  ple, they were sticking to the nation-
Although Imperial was not one of the                                                                                         wide position agreed by the CVCP to
most active colleges involved in                                                                                             remain united to granting employees
Tuesday's strike, it would have been                                                                                         more than a 1.5% pay deal without
difficult to notice that virtually the                                                                                       further cash from the Government.
whole of the College had been shut                                                                                           Amongst strikers, the feeling was
down. Few lectures and tutorials took                                                                                        that the quality of teaching would fall
place, most of which were taken by                                                                                           if funds continued to be withdrawn,
staff who were officially on strike,                                                                                         particularly with student numbers
but who had decided to teach without                                                                                         increasing. The state of outdated lab
receiving pay.                                                                                                               equipment was also seen as a major
   An estimated 600 technical and                                                                                            problem.
support staff joined the majority of                                                                                            The major feeling was that losing
the teaching staff striking over their                                                                                       one day's pay was an investment into
proposed payriseof 1.5%. The even-                                                                                           the future of higher education.
tual outcome of the strike can not be                                                                                        Campaigners felt that the less pay
known at present, but there was a                                                                         PHOTO: ALDUS       staff get, the less students get out of
feeling among those on the picket         Picketers distributing flyers explaining their cause to passer's by outside        them.
lines that the level of anger reflected   the main gates on Exhibition Road. Although the turn out by technicians,             The issue of where deducted staff
by so many people from higher edu-        lecturers and other staff was good, demonstrators were disappointed by             pay will go has still not been
cation striking at once must have a       the lack of organised student support                                              resolved, as the number of strikers is
positive effect on the profile of         Education as a whole, rather than nent position in industry.                       not yet known. The AUT did ask uni-
Higher Education. Unfortunately, the      simply staff pay. Speaking to Felix,        Bryon Wilson, president of             versities to donate money to their stu-
strike coincided with a fire in the       picketers revealed a whole range of      ICAUT          (Imperial      College     dent hardship funds, but while UCL,
Channel Tunnel and the year's first       reasons as to why the strikes were       Association of University Teachers)       the University of East Anglia and
snow, so national news coverage was       taking place. For one man, a member said that they were "leaning over              Salford University have all pledged
brief at the best.                        of the MSF (Management, Science          backwards not to affect students too      to do this, IC seems to have decided
   Many people, from technicians to       and Finance workers union), it           much" in their effort to get better pay   that to do this would be illegal, as the
lecturers braved the freezing wind        seemed simply to be a case of "The       for staff, which is seen as a way of      funds were allotted to staff pay.
and sleet to be outside Imperial as       majority of the union voted for a        raising moral and standards in              The strike was timed to come after
early as 7am. Strikers stood around       strike, and I'm a democrat." Many        Universities. Those on the picket line    the beginning of term, to avoid dis-
in rather uneasy lines handing out        felt that the strike was not about their were more candid, pointing out that       ruption to Freshers settling in, but
leaflets and carrying placards; it was    own pay, but about the quality of        "students wouldn't think twice about      before next Tuesday's budget. The
immediately obvious that these peo-       Higher Education, which was seen as      missing lectures if they had been out     unions lobbied parliament at the beg-
ple were not used to striking, or tak-    suffering due to lack of funding and     on the piss" and did not feel that        ging of the summer, and have been
ing any sort of action. No attempt        several commented that they were         missing one day would affect them         waiting since then to strike.
was made to stop people from getting      supporting the students too by their     much. Some picketers expressed dis-         One picket claimed that a group of
into the College, unlike at some insti-   action.                                  may that there were so many students      Japanese university vice chancellors
tutions where post was prevented             One striker said "The whole of HE     coming in to College during the           had come to look at how the British
from getting in (though none was          is screwed" due to Government cuts.      strike, a move that was felt to be con-   university system was run. The date
delivered within IC yesterday), or        He expressed feelings of demoralisa-     trary to the strike's aim. The majori-    they chose? Tuesday 19 November.
milkmen turned away.                      tion among workers over a system         ty of these students claimed to be at
                                                                                                                                As a follow up to the strike on
  Union leaders continued to              that forced workers to apply for         College to use the computer facili-
                                                                                                                             Tuesday, the unions are proposing a
emphasise the need for better staff       grants to pay their own salary. The      ties.
                                                                                                                             "Boycott of Bureaucracy", to start
pay, but those on the picket lines saw    same man has been on short term             Speaking to Felix, Caroline Fox,       from last Wednesday. This will
the occasion as one to express anger      contracts at IC for eight years, and is   College's Head of Personnel,             involve targeting the teaching quality
at the lack of funding for Higher         reluctantly leaving HE for a perma-       explained that while the College sup-    continued on page two
2   NEWS                                                                                                                     FELIX FRIDAY   ND NOVEMBER

Strike closes College                                                                              News in Brief
                                                                                       200 GIRLS : 1 B L O K E               that they were breaking new ground
                                                                                 Last Thursday, there was widespread         and "leading the way into the future."
                                                                                 disturbance at Wimbledon railway                The programme was varied, with
                                                                                 station, south-west London. A riot-         traditional dances, fashion parades,
                                                                                 ing, screaming, brawling crowd,             singers and comedy sketches. The
                                                                                 entirely made up of roughly 200             highlight of the night depended on
                                                                                 schoolgirls caused chaos with a large       what sex you were, with a selection
                                                                                 scale fight.                                of "professional models" for the boys
                                                                                    Shopkeepers were forced to lock          and at least two toned torsos for the
                                                                                 up and traffic was brought to a stand-      girls. The audience were keen to par-
                                                                                 still as the scrap spilled onto the road.   ticipate and the male compere was
                                                                                 Passers-by were dragged into the            asked at one point to "Come up here,
                                                                                 fray completely at random. It was           sexy" by one particularly forthright
                                                                                 only with the arrival of Police offi-       lady.
                                                                                 cers waving truncheons that some                The only dubious parts were the
                                                                                 semblance of order could be                 chronic hairdos, some very glum
                                                                                 restored.                                   models, and the infinite thank-yous
                                                                                    The fight had started when two           and goodbyes at the end.
                                                                                 girls, one from Ricards Lodge High                The drummers rounded off the
                                                                                 School, the other from Ursuline             night with a rousing performance
                                                                                 High, had started to argue about one        which got the audience in the mood
                                                                                 of the boys from Wimbledon                  for the after-show party, which fin-
                                                                                 College. It didn't take long for all        ished at 1.30pm. Dinesh Dhoona,
                                                                                 their friends to join in, turning a per-    one of the choreographers, described
                                                                                 sonal argument into a screaming,            the show as "the best ever. It was a
                                                                                 kicking brawl.                              dream come true."
                                                                                    "This lad at our school is going out         Videotapes of the complete per-
 continued from front page                  There are also threats of action     with a girl from Ursuline, but anoth-       formance will soon be available from
assessments in the 'old' universities,   against "examinations and assess-       er girl at Ricard Lodge fancies him.        the Student Television of Imperial
which are seen as an "unwieldy" way      ment, or a slow down on student         That's what thefightwas all about,"         College.
of repeating other reports to deter-     admissions". This action was voted      explained a pupil from Wimbledon
mine "whether the provision of edu-      for along with the strike vote, and     College. Although there is a lot of                  ULU COUNCIL
cation is satisfactory or not". Union    was accepted with a far greater         bad feeling between these two               The second University of London
members will stop completing the         majority than the strike itself, so     schools, people were amazed that            Union Council of the year meeting
necessary documentation for these        could have a huge impact.               more than 200 girls wouldfightover          saw a raft of motions presented for
assessments.                                                                     one bloke.                                  discussion by the ULU executive. On
                                                                                    A police officer remarked "You           the table were a motion proposing a
                                                                                 just don't expect this sort of thing        campaign against fees, one requiring
                                                                                 between girls. This was a bloody            the sabbaticals' support of ULU's

Corruption at Royal Holloway                                                     riot."                                      International Night and a motion to
                                                                                                                             pass the new ULU regulations.
MATTHEW KEMPTON                          ments affirming his statement, solic-        EAST MEETS WEST                           Two contentious motions original-
Last Friday the editors of Orbital,      itors acting on behalf of the Union     A slightly late start did not detract       ly on the agenda were withdrawn at
Royal Holloway's student newspa-         and Mr Bricknell threatened to sue if   from the "East Meets West" show             the last minute following early
per, burned copies in an incinerator     the article went ahead. Siva            last Tuesday. It turned out to be a         amendments and a change of mind
and waved placards outside their         Ganeshanandan the union's general       thoroughly enjoyable and well-              by the motion's proposer. These
union building. They were demon-         secretary ordered the article to be     organised event exuding colour,             were     a    paper    on     Student
strating against what they saw as the    ripped out of every paper. Last year    humour and energy.                          Maintenance proposed by U L U
union censoring the paper to cover       the Orbital reported on elections for         As part of the Diwali celebra-        Welfare sabb Paul Bates, and a
up corruption in the student union       the position of general secretary,      tions set up by the Indian Society, it      motion to ban clubs that used guns
last year.                               which Siva Ganeshanandan won.           was decided that, in the light of the       proposed by ULU LGB officer and
   One of the main allegations relat-    One candidate was banned from the       forthcoming      merger     between         IC student Jo Paice.
ed to voteriggingin last years sab-      union because the welfare officer       Imperial College and Charing Cross             After much debate, all motions
batical elections. Most of the cen-      said he was a racist and homophobe,     and Westminster Medical School,             tabled were passed more or less with-
sored article was based on inside        the ban was later overturned. In the    the show would be staged in The             out alteration. However, the motion
information from a third year stu-       same elections the ballot box was       Great Hall in Sherfield, and not at         on the campaign against fees had
dent, Matthew Bricknell. He was          found to contain 40 more votes than     Charing Cross as it normally was.           some specific points removed from
education welfare assistant last year    were registered.                             The show was a sell-out, with          the paper pertaining to the cause and
but resigned over the summer. He            A statement from Orbital said        over 700 people buying tickets. It          effect of the implementation of top-
was then sacked from his job at the      "We believe that the article we are     was planned with charity in mind,           up fees, whilst the motion on
union bar and banned from the union      being forced to withdraw is not only    with all the evening's proceeds going       International Night was passed
altogether. The double page article      true, but just begins to uncover the    to the Leukaemia Research Fund and          unscathed.
was just going to print when Mr          extent of the irregularities and dis-   the Jaipur Limb appeal.                        The Council saw the first public
Bricknell retracted his statement,       crepancies which took place in the          Two students, one a medic and           outing for newly elected part-time
which consisted of letters and           union in the last academic year". The   the other from IC, did a good job as         sabb Nick Dearden, who replaced
recorded interviews on tape.             statement went on to call for a full    the comperes, who despite keeping           Claire Lawrie as Vice-Predident for
Although he had signed legal docu-       investigation.                          up a derisory repartee, emphasised          Finance and Services.
        FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER                                                                                                                       NEWS 3

Safety checks on site installed, but doubts remain
MATHIEU RICHARD                            ceiling collapse in the library walk-       ladders etc., but has also suggested a    ing to Mr Gillet, both potential caus-
Following the numerous recent inci-        way at the beginning of term was the        couple of measures for the enhance-       es of incidents will be better mas-
dents on the IC construction sites         choice of too thin a wire for ceiling       ment of the safety controls.              tered - the quality of the work in
(Felix 1064), which have entered the       ties.                                          The weekly "disruption meetings,"      itself, and its direct implications on
College folklore, an independent              These new members of the Schal           between the Imperial College Safety       the everyday life of the College.
audit commissioned to investigate          team are supposed to minimise the           authorities and representatives of the      To the question of whether further
has finally reported back.                 risks of something similar happening        construction firms, will now be           accidents are still possible, Mr
   Several new measures have now           again by supervising the work of the        chaired by the College Project            Caldwell confidently replied with an
been implemented in order to guaran-       different sub-contractors and enhanc-       Manager, Ian Frame, in order to plan      assured tone "We believe that what is
tee the safety of the staff and students   ing the co-ordination of the teams.         the disruptions and possible hazards      in place should prevent other prob-
in response to the safety survey. The      Schal has also started advanced train-      ahead more than was the case before.      lems."
Director of Estates, Ian Caldwell,         ing sessions to improve the sub-con-        The purpose of these meetings,               Nevertheless, the particular condi-
described this issue as "of paramount      tractors' concern for safety, and to        which have been held since the            tions in which the building work has
importance".                               prepare the workmen more adequate-          beginning of the realisation of the       to be done - on a functioning and
   Following the last incident, Schal,     ly for the specific problems raised by      project is to avoid as much as possi-     crowded campus - are certainly still a
the main contractor, has decided to        a construction project in an occupied       ble any nuisances to the staff and stu-   potential source of incidents.
establish a permanent Quality              environment like the College.               dents of the College.                     Students are still wary of the works
Manager on site, as well as a Safety          More recently, the report commis-             Moreover, the College Safety         following the reports of safety
Manager, whose responsibilities            sioned by Mr Caldwell from                  Representative Ian Gillet now             breaches and dangerous construc-
include a one-month review of the          Waterman Safety Ltd about the safe-         inspects the site weekly, also concen-    tions reported in previous Felixes. "I
project. This emphasises the fact that     ty of the installations on site has         trating on the way the contractors'       still check the roof just outside the
all incidents have been proved to be       revealed a few faults in the overall        work affects the College more than        library before I go in" commented
due to "lapses in quality" and human       disposition of basic requirements           on the effective technical quality of     one regular user of the facility. "I
error - for example, the cause for the     such as fire extinguishers, service         the precise work done. Thus, accord-      hope it is all worth it in the end."

Mars hopes
crash and burn
                                                                        Not all Degrees
Sunday, 17th November, saw the
launch of the Mars-96 probe by
Russia. It was the culmination of
seven years work and £38.5 million
                                                                          are Equal...
pounds of funding. Despite high                                                 eijjartment of Electronics and Computer Scien 3                  ^
hopes and a successful launch the
craft made an unexpected return to                            Here is an opportunity for suitable E C candidates to secure a rufly-
Earth after the fourth series of boost-                       funded PhD studentship at one of the world's leading Electronics
er rockets failed to fire.                                    and Computer Science departments,
                                                              • Communications
   The spacecraft carried a multitude
of instruments designed to explore                            • Computer Aided Design
mars and find out more about the                              • Declarative Systems and Software Engineering
Red planet. It had sensors to mea-                            • Image, Speech and Intelligent Systems
sure seismic activity, magnetic                               • Infra Red Science and Technology
fields, atmospheric pressure and                              • Microelectronics
many other variables, in order to                             • Multimedia Systems
help scientists determine whether or                          • Optical Fibres
not microscopic life did once live on                         • Parallel and Distributed Computing
Mars.                                                         • Transducers, Sensors and Instrumentation
   Australian Prime Minister, Paul                            Multi-disciplinary research projects in other areas available.
Keating, ordered emergency teams                              Enhanced grants are payable in some circumstances.
to be readied following a warning
from the White House that the probe
could crash land there. Luckily the
                                                                  's one that will
probe crashed into the Pacific ocean.
There are, however, fears of a radia-
tion leak as the probe was carrying
                                                                               tip the B a l a n c e .
several canisters of high-grade plu-                                        :
tonium, which powered the probe's                                   t
generators. Russian scientists have
claimed that they would have sur-                               x                                                                        ,
vived the crash intact.                                                 ¡                                                                    e
                                                                    b                                                                d
  Imperial College's Professor
David Southwood, from the Space
and Atmospheric Physics Group,
developed specialist equipment for
                                                                        E x c e l l e n c e                             D e g r e e s
the craft.
4 NEWS                                                                                                                        FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

Police exhibit charity streak i n R a g stunt
MARIA IOANNOU                             up the road towards the waiting           These guys were instant celebrities."     the Union Building. However, by the
Last Saturday saw the latest outing of    crowds. Almost at once, startled             "They ran along the opposite pave-     Victoria nd Albert Musuem, one of
the infamous Sponsored Nude               onlookers began laughing and cheer-       ment, pedestrians clapping them as        the runners was clearly lagging
Kamikaze Parachute Jump. This is          ing, as the streakers became blobs of     they went past, to the continued          behind. He later claimed to have been
the annual excuse for a small group       pink amongst the traffic. A group of      laughter and support of everyone on       running beyond his aerobic limit, but
of IC students to get their kit off and   onlookers began a rousing chorus of       the other side of the road. As they ran   other observers said that a female
streak from Harrods to Beit Quad, all     Rule Britannia.                           past, the doors of Harrod's opened        pedestrian wanted his photograph.
in the name of charity. This year, for                                                                                          Meanwhile, the others were jog-
thefirsttime ever, the rag event man-                                                                                         ging past the Natural History
aged to acquire a police escort.                                                                                              Museum, where there was someone
   By 9:15 am last Saturday, eight                                                                                            selling the Big Issue. "Sorry, no
brave men had gathered in Beit Quad                                                                                           change!" shouted one of the runners.
to psych themselves up for the ordeal                                                                                         At the corner of Exhibition Road and
that lay ahead. Last minute doubts                                                                                            Prince Consort Road, the group
over the route were dispelled by old                                                                                          paused to consider options. The
hands who described those wishing                                                                                             majority chose to run a victory lap
to take a shorter run through the back                                                                                        around the Albert Hall. The last run-
streets of Knightsbridge as "girly                                                                                            ner was clearly in trouble, and decid-
wusses."                                                                                                                      ed to head back to the Union.
   Following tradition, the intrepid                                                                                             This laggard had one more piece
band had already decided to go                                                                                                of bad luck to befall him before he
straight down Cromwell Road and                                                                                               saw his trousers again. A mere twen-
then straight up Exhibition Road.                                                                                             ty yards from the Union, while casu-
Standing with just a few layers pro-                                                                                          ally strolling past the Royal College
tecting them from the cold, several of                                                                                        of Music, the long arm of the law
the participants hoped that there                                                                                             caught up with him. Watched by
would be several tourists around the                                                                                          bemused spectators, including a
museums that day, perhaps giving                                                                                              Felix mole, a Police car pulled next
some insight as to the sort of people                                                                                         to the perambulating nude and with
who gladly declothe in public.                                                                                                an "Oi, you. Stop!" he was accosted
   As the jump time of 10:00am                                                                                                by the boys in blue.
neared, the excitement and nervous-                                                                                              Satisifed that it was merely a stu-
ness of the jumpers rose. First-time                                                                                          dents stunt for charity and not some
streakers all (few do it twice), the                                                                                          form of massive campaign of civil
journey toward Harrods was punctu-                                                                                            disobedience, the policemen accom-
ated with nervous chatter and chilly                                                                                          panied the student back to the Rag
breath, unsuprisingly for people just                                                                                         office. Luckily, the police decided
wearing their pants and jackets. It                                                                                           not to press charges, and didn't even
was now 9:50, with traffic from Hell,                                                                                         take the details of the runner they
and there were hordes of impatient           One of the crowd, positioned just      with exquisite timing. On the road,       caught, saying it was unfair to do
shoppers thronging the pavements          by the Harrods entrance to                there was a double decker bus and         anything to him just because he was
outside Harrods and Knightsbridge         Knightsbridge tube described what         the entire top deck were looking out      the slowest. Showing a charity streak
Underground station.                      he saw: "They ran straight across the     of the window, waving and cheering.       they commented that "women and
   To facilitate the 'mission', the       main road, and were generally greet-      Not far behind the bus, a Police van      children didn't want to see naked
minibus turned down a side road just      ed by applause and adulation from         was waiting, but it was trapped in the    overweight blokes on the streets."
before Harrods, allowing them time        the crowd. The roads were packed,         middle lane."                               The event raised several hundred
to whip off their knickers and strug-     but the traffic all stopped to let them     The route followed by the raggies       pounds for charity, and was general-
gle out of their jackets. At the pre-     past. Taxis honked their horns, dri-      took them along Knightsbridge on to       ly reckoned to be a success by Rag
arranged signal, the door opened and      vers waved, passengers stood up           Cromwell Road and right up                Chair Andy Southern, with more
they leaped out and started running       through sunroofs to get a better look.    Exhibition Road, and from there to        people participating than in the past.

Selkirk Hall experiences Tarantula trauma
NEWSTEAM                                  the student involved, some of these       think this is news, so I'm not going to   the common room in the hope that
A chance discovery has exposed a          escaped. Other then the re-app, a         be helpful." Dr. Hassard, the warden,     some kind soul would take it in.
student at Selkirk Hall who has been      number of Selkirk Hall students have      was unavailable for comment.                 The Housekeeper of Selkirk, Mr
keeping a tarantula in his bedroom        reported seeing some of them, most-          The College position has always        Pappalardo, who had been away and
since the beginning of term. The pet      ly in the area of staircase six. Some     been that students are not allowed to     was therefore unaware of this,
was discovered after a re-app found       were spotted sitting in kitchen sinks,    keep pets while they are staying in       expressed amazement at the tarantula
crickets, bred by the student to feed     others lurking in the showers. The        halls of residence, so the heart-bro-     and other wildlife. "It isn't as if a
the spider, jumping around his show-      presence of these crickets led to the     ken student was given 48 hours in         tarantula is easy to hide, not like a cat
er cubicle.                               discovery of the tarantula.               which to get rid of his unwelcome         or a dog. Next we will be getting
   According to insect experts, a full-      When asked to comment on the           pet. Unconfirmed rumours suggest          chimpanzees jumping up and down
grown tarantula can eats about 8-10       situation, the Assistant Subwarden of     that he took it to the Biology depart-    the galleries. This place isn't meant
crickets per week. Unfortunately for      Selkirk Hall remarked, "I really don't    ment to be looked after, leaving it in    to be a zoo!"
                             to o u r presentation
                            o n I T a n d u,our f u t u r e


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                                                     A NatWest
                                                  More than just a bank

                                 National Westminister Bank Pic seeks to provide equality of opportunity for all individuals.
6   NEWS                                                                                                                       FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

Gardens of Enlightenment?
Simon Wistow and Michael Roberts are enlightened by reading IC's application for
spondulicks from the Millenium Comission but have to ask....
Is it all worth it?                        Who thinks these things up? Cheech        Imperial College road, making it the      states that "if the bid makes the
   One of the first things people          and Chonch? David Ike? Neil from          focal point along the east-west axis.     Commissions' initial long list, further
notice when they come to Imperial is       the Young Ones?).                         This landscaping would create an          detailed work will be required", but
that, frankly speaking, the architec-         Also on the cards is a new campus      open air cafe space in front of the       surely it is first impressions that
ture is as inspiring as a flat tire on a   entrance at the the junction of           Sherfield Building. A mixture of          count. How can the application be
rainy night in Moss Side. Yes that is      Imperial College road and Exhibiton       hard paving, grass and gravel will        taken seriously if it is so poor?
a cliched complaint oft heard around       road which will include a link to a       help to 'soften' the space. Above the     Especially when it is hidden among
the JCR (I'm not even going to men-        subway system, connecting the South       Dalby Court car park, there will be an    the hundreds of thousands of other
tioned the lack of women, whoops),         Kensington Underground station, the       informal space, made either of timber     applicants for Millenium money.
but when I came to have my inter-          Natural History Museum and the            decking or fine gravel. There will be     Considering how much we are pay-
view here I was very nearly put off        Victoria & Albert Museum. After           trees in boxes surrounded by seating      ing Sir Norm I think we should have
by how ugly everything was. If             removing the traffic from Imperial        and screens to create smaller spaces      a slightly more impressive document.
Imperial didn't have such a good rep-      College road, there are plans to build    and since the court is bounded in on      And why is the document confiden-
utation then I would never have            a tree lined avenue, which will be        the North by the Bessemer building,       tial? Don't we have a say in what is
come. But (and the large cranes            trimmed in the centre to allow light      there are plans for an eight-metre-       done?
around the campus are a big hint)          onto the piece de resistance - a rip-     long geological map of the British
                                                                                                                                  I'm sure future freshers will enjoy
things are afoot to renovate the area      pling, undulating, canal with bridges     Isles. This would be executed in
                                                                                                                               searching for the few women at IC
and generally change our dear              across it. Apparently, "the form of       stone, with each of the main geologi-
                                                                                                                               along the shady banks of our very
College into something we can be           the canal with its sinusoidal curves      cal units being represented by its own
                                                                                                                               own aqueous sine wave and, if they
proud of.                                  and the gravel avenue will contrast       rock type. It would be surrounded by
                                                                                                                               get lucky, sitting hand in hand, next
   The obvious improvements are, of        with the more formal layout of the        large shaped boulders, from classic
                                                                                                                               to a tree in a enclosed space above a
course, the BMS building and the           Queens lawn, with its central water       geological sites. Are they crazy?
                                                                                                                               car park. The public can "ooh" and
Library. Despite a few set-backs (and                                                                                          "ahh" at the splendid atomic fountain
near deaths) these are at last under       "If this development has public                                                     complete with orbiting electrons and
way. However the most important
restructuring is yet to come.
                                           access, will it oe up to Security                                                   large scale periodic table for amnesi-
                                                                                                                               ac chemists.
  The area around Dalby court is to        to combat the inevitable rise in                                                       Since the area will be public
be completely transformed and to           petty crime and the distinct pos-                                                   access, suitable drug dealers may
help pay for the mammoth costs the
College has put in a bid to the
                                           sibilty of vandalism and half-                                                      even be on hand to enhance the
                                                                                                                               'Enlightening'. If this development
Millenium Comission. There is cur-         inching, or should it become the                                                    has public access, whose jurisdiction
rently £300m being invested by the
Government, the Lottery and private
                                           police's responsibility?"                                                           will it fall under? Will it be up to Ken
                                                                                                                               Weir and his present Security Force
finance in the South Kensington area,                                                                                          to combat the inevitable rise in petty
but this project will be centered          feature..."                                  The estimated total cost? A snip at    crime and the distinct possibilty of
entirely around the the Civil Eng          "Central water feature?" I hear you       £6,000,000.00 of which the College        vandalism and half-inching, requir-
building and is composed of some,          cry? "there ain't no water on the         anticipates half will be paid for by a    ing College to employ more guards
how shall we say this, interesting         Queens lawn". Ah, but this is all to      grant from the Commission and half        either internally or from an outside
ideas.                                     change. French landscape architect,       from revenue from the car park and        firm, or should it become the police's
   The College wishes to remove the        Alain Provost, is being brought in to     otehr retail opportunities.               responsibility?
existing car and postal van parking        create a kinetic art piece, using com-                                                The whole project has potential
spaces from Imperial College road          puter controlled fountain jets, which     For once I cannot be accused of mak-      and it would be nice to be able to
and relocate them to a new, under-         can be programmed to change height,       ing all this up. I have, in my hands at   look in the Imperial College prospec-
ground car park. This new, two level       duration and at night, colour and         this very moment, a copy of Dalby         tus for 1999/2000 and not cringe at
building will provide up to 200            light.                                    Court and Landscaping Milenium            the 60s concrete block style architec-
spaces, and would allow parking for           To quote the Millenium applica-        Lottery Application, a document pre-      ture but I think (and hey, I'm never
staff cars during the day, the Albert      tion, "We will exploit this technolo-     pared by Foster and Partners, the         outspoken) that maybe the students
Hall at night and the various              gy in an array of 100 or more jets, to    very expensive architecture company       should have a little more input in to
Museums at the weekend.                    provide sequences of aesthetic repre-     run by Sir Norman Foster. This nom-       the whole shebang.
   By removing vehicles from               sentations of the structure of the ele-   inally confidential document was             Also, if I was being cynical, I
Imperial College road, the Queens          ments - orbiting electrons could, for     supplied by a helpful source within       would say that maybe there are a few
Lawn would become more accessible          example, be isolated, high thrown         College administration (it is howver      things more important that six thou-
and would be opened to the public,         packets of water in transient, concen-    in the public domain).                    sand, thousand squids could be spent
along with the Arts and Music Centre       tric shells, around a more stable           Even to the untrained eye this doc-     on (maybe renovating Evelyn gar-
on top of the Library and the rest of      nucleus of protons and neutrons. The      ument is, to be frank, pants. It seems    dens or rebuilding those buildings
Dalby Court, where "a sequence of          periodic table itself could be repre-     hurried and scrappily put together,       that were built in the 60s to last 20
revitalised spaces would be created...     sented on a large scale in the            with a bit of wishy-washy landscap-       years, for example). This could all be
called The Gardens Of Enlighten-           coloured paving of the fountain           ing-babble and some photos and dia-       a moot point, though, because judg-
ment" (featuring the Shrub of              piaza." Eh?                               grams to pad out space. This is our       ing by our application, I wouldn't be
Righteousness and the Tree of                The Queens lawn will be resolved        application to the Millenium com-         surprised if we came away with noth-
Universal Knowledge, perchance?            to bring it onto the same height as       mission. True, an attached memo           ing to spend.

                                      _ AMNESTY
    WITH H U M A N - R I G H T S I N C R E A S I N G L Y IN F O C U S , S A N J A Y S I K D A R I N V E S T I G A T E S T H E W O R K O F A M N E S T Y

As many of you will know, Amnesty          even occur in supposed democracies.
International is the world's largest       Some might say that Amnesty med-
voluntary organisation dealing with        dles in the internal affairs of states,
human rights issues. You have prob-        but surely the issue of human rights
ably seen their adverts in magazines       goes far beyond boundaries.
portraying graphic examples of tor-           You may think that being a volun-
ture. This bears testament to the high     tary organisation Amnesty has no:
profile Amnesty has. It has 1.1 mil-       power to enforce their mandate but
lion members spanning 150 coun-            allow me to give you two examples.
tries and territories with 125,000         After hearing of a nine year old
members residing in the British Isles.     Ethiopian boy who had been impris-
Amnesty International was founded          oned all his life along with his moth-
in 1961 by a British Lawyer, Peter         er, children in Norway, sent draw-
Beneson after he heard of human            ings and cards to the Oslo office of
rights violations against          two     Amnesty. These were all bundled up
Portuguese prisoners. It is funded by      and forwarded to the President of
members and through the public             Ethiopia, along with a message
using strategic fund raising schemes.      demanding the release of the two
   Amnesty International mission           prisoners. Within five weeks mother
statement is simple - to pursue the        and child were set free. In a second
release of all prisoners of conscience.    example, the President of Brazil was
In other words, those incarcerated         so distressed about Amnesty's cam-
solely for their beliefs, colour, sex,     paign in Brazil that he vowed
religion, ethnic origin or religion and    Brazil's human rights record would
have not used or advocated violence.       never be cited again in future reports.
Amnesty International strives for fair     Clearly, the power of democracy can
and prompt trials of political prison-     force even the most ruthless regimes
ers, it opposes extrajudicial execu-       into action.
tions and sudden disappearances
that take place in nations who bla-        There are several exciting events that
tantly contravene the concept of           have started now which may interest
basic human rights. Amnesty is also        you. The "Amnesty International
totally against torture, degrading acts    Christmas Raffle 1996" will take
on prisoners and particularly the          place on the 20th December (1st
death penalty. This applies to politi-     prize £3000, 2nd prize £1500, 3rd
cal and non political prisoners alike
because there is nothing more inhu-
                                           prize £500 and loads of runner-up
                                           prizes of vouchers for Amnesty cata-
                                                                                                  MNESTY                              EEDS          OU
mane than to give a person the time        logue goods, videos, tapes and            At the moment Amnesty is actively trying to recruit student members because
of their death.                            CD's).                                    they are thought to be active and very passionate in support of causes. If you
   Historically,    Amnesty      Inter-      Amnesty International has long          wish to become a member you can ring the hotline telephone number (0891
national focused their energies into       been associated with music well           445 999). Membership for students costs £7.50 a year.
assisting political prisoners but now      before the days of Live A i d .             Try out the following quiz to test your awareness of human rights:
includes human rights abuses in its        Amnesty, in collaboration with
mandate. For instance, Amnesty             Miracle Music, has launched a com-        1. Human rights violations occur in all political ideologies.
fights for asylum seekers who are at       petition, for budding songwriters.        2. Torture is prohibited by the U N Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
risk of being deported only to             There are two categories: firstly a       3. Prisoners have been tortured in one out of every three countries during the
become prisoners of conscience and         song written on any theme and sec-        90's.
face the full wrath of their captors. It   ondly a song specifically to do with      4. A 17 year old can be executed in the US but not in Indonesia or Russia
is against abuses by opposition            human rights. The first prize in both     5. No innocent US citizens have been executed this century.
groups, prisoner killings, hostage         sections is £200 and a publishing         6. In the U S A , those who kill blacks are just as likely to be executed as those
taking and genocide such as the            contract, along with the use of a         who kill whites.
recent atrocities in Rwanda. The           demo studio to record the song.           7. No western industrialised nation apart from the US again uses the death
organisation is also concerned by          Second and third prizes are amounts       penalty.
people being forced out of their           to £100 and £50 respectively plus a       8. Many citizens are silenced through "disappearances" by governments as a
homelands for reasons of belief, reli-     publishing contract. A n ideal oppor-     means of repression to avoid public criticism.
gion, colour, ethnic origin and lan-       tunity for you budding Noel               9. Amnesty International works tirelessly for the release of all political pris
guage and who have not retaliated in       Gallaghers or Kurt Cobains to make        oners regardless of beliefs or actions.
violence.                                  a positive statement.
                                                                                     10. Amnesty International got the Nobel Peace Prize for 1977 in supporting
   Amnesty International does not             Finally if you are going to attend     Human rights.
believe in criticising particular          the "Skunk Anansie U K Tour 1996"
regimes, and ignores government            you will probably see Amnesty               Answers:
ideology as long as there are no vio-      stalls. Raffles will take place includ-
lations of human rights - that can         ing a boogie box signed by the band.
                                                                                          3iux(0I3MBd(63tui(8 l(£ I d(9 siBd(g3nJl(l7onJx(e3nJl(3onJi(i
                                                                                                                   3Iu   3S   B   3
    NEWS FEATURE                                                                                                              FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER                FELLX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER                                                                                                          NEWS FEATURE 9

                                                                                                                                                                      J-up, Roll-up, get out those loan agreements, photocopy those bank-statements, there are prizes to be won in
     ML                                                                                                                                                           IC's annual bullshitting contest... For today sees the deadline for applications for student Access funds.
                                                                                                                                                                       finally intended as an alloc       >r those I                 going particular financial hardship, today's falling

                                                                                                                   :                                                   nts and soaring living costs have produes
                                                                                                                                                                      itough IC's budget for such ar.<<.<.ui
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    in the number of students applying to the fund.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  s, more fingers in the pie can onlv mean less pie per
                                                                                                                                                                     ger, and so the more deserving cases are inevitably losing out to those students willing to make financial gain
                                                                                                                                                                  by being economical with the truth. This has turned the applications procedure into something resembling a cre-
                                                                                                                                                                  ative writing contest... Those individuals not fortunate enough to be blessed with missing limbs, debilitating ill-
                                                                                                                                                                  nesses or children are having to become increasingly inventive in order that their pleas be heard above the beg-
                                                                                                                                                                  ging throng. To this end, and in keeping with the standards of journalistic integrity that our readers have come
                                                                                                                                                                  to expect, Felix has compiled a list of 101 tall tales, outrageous claims and abject lies with which to boost your
  1. Trips to visii i* luiive ondeatl '>ed (in New Zealand.)                                                                                                      chances of a windfall come the new year, Pens at the ready...
 t 2. Parents moved house without leaving a forwarding address, thus destitute.
    3. Library fines,
     4. Forced to pay £2000 fine to TV licence,people, acting upontip-offby hall cleaners.
      5. Mugged whilst .walking to landlord's office to pay deposit in cash.
       6. Forced to live in expensive, nearby flat due to diagnosed clinical laziness (Doctor's certificate attached.)
        7/8/9. Failed - i - aiket/property/drug deal.
          10. Personal bank collapsed, all assets frozen.
           11. Only able to eat extremely expensive foods, due to rare dietary condition (Doctor's certificate attached.)                                                                               sible for bad debts.                                                                    -
            12. Ripped off by disgruntled boy/girlfriend.                                                                                                                                              64.Ploughed both grant and loan into top-secret personal research project (Nobel prize imminent.)
             13. Abducted by cult, brainwashed into donating all worldly possessions to Krishna. \                                                                                                    65. Frequent trips to New York, Paris etc... for 'vital research purposes."
              14. Failed multiple-lottery-ticket scam.                                                                                                                                               66. Squandered all available funds in a vain attempt to woo a particular member of the opposite sex.
               15. Only able to shop at Harts, due to bizarre inherited nocturnal sleeping patterns (Doctor's certificate attached.)                                                                •.
                                                                                                                                                                                                    ( 7 Cost of redecorating and refurbishing flat after third patty...
                16. Left wallet in a phone-box on Charing-Cross Road, later detonated by the bomb squad.                                                                                           68. Fire...                                                                    "*|
                 17. Hopeless womaniser, embroiled in multiple paternity-suites.                                                                                                                 Iff. and Theft.
       jfliy JJ8119/20. Needed expensive psychiatric treatment following alien abduction/near miss by falling library ceilingrhyp-                                                               70. Act of God (uninsured.)
                                                                                                                                                                                        : :: .                                                                       ..... ...   • .
ittlj Jfe^/nqjps outing fresher's week.
                                                                                                                                                                                            71. Terrible cook; can only eat out.                                ' 1
                   21. Victim of credit card fraud.
                                                                                                                                                                                           T^ferrified of London, hence exorbitant travel expenses.
                    22/23/24. Flat infested, grant spent on cockroach traps/rat poison/having the squatters evicted.
                                                                                                                                                                                         73; Ffet situated next to Bosphorus Kebab, entailing obvious increase in living costs.
    :•*,;            25. Needed to buy vast television, due to failing eyesight (Doctor's certificate attached.)
                                                                                                                                                                                      jHBHp situated far from Sainsbury's, entailing obvious increase in living costs.
                      26. Needed to buy vast speakers, due to failing hearing (Doctor's certificate attached.)
                                                                                                                                                                                       7 5 . Member of Conservative Society (refused to cash grant cheque on principle.)                           *
                       27. Needed to fit double glazing, due to failing hearing of neighbours opposite.
                                                                                                                                                                                      76. NljiSber of Socialist Worker Student Society (refused to open bank account on principle, hence unable to cash grant cheque.) :
                        28. Bank error in bank's favour (£200.)
                                                                                                                                                                                     77. Spent entire grant, loan and overdraft in a single day, following a premonition that the world was going to end (since proven
                         29. Accidentally played Monopoly with real money and lost.
                          30/31/32. Flat demolished by falling asteroid/satellite/747.                                                                                                              > pay reparations           >
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ,;e> - n-:r g up jm
                           33. Caught up in South Kensington protection racket (money needed urgently.)                                                                           79. D r i v i i i c le-vsons.                       '
                            34. Spent grant on sandwiches from the JCR (Doctor's certificate attached.)                                                                          8'0. C o l o u r b l i n d , hence unable to tell betjif|lj,         inations of bank-note .Doctor's certificate attached,
                             35. Knocked over a Ming vase with rucksack during visit to the V&A.                                                                                K/S2-/83- Overdraft caused bv addiction t l j l f *                      e/Bosphoni$%iixed grills.
                              36. Entirety of possessions removed by a removals firm calling at the wrong address.                                                                  84. Cats to support.
                               37. Overspent during a bout of "Sainsbury's rewards point fever."                                                                                   85. Threats of violence     . bank-manager.
                                38. Grant cheque bounced.                                                                                                                         86. Chain-drinker.
                                 39/40/41. Last year's access fund cheque eaten by dog/roommate/IC internal mail system.                                                         87. Failed bid to host next Olympic Games.
                                  42. Suffered blow on head causing amnesia, and thus incurred tuition fees re-learning how to speak, eat, integrate                            88. Money vanished during holiday in the Bermuda tria
                                                                                                                                                                               89. Couldn't possibly wear last year's fashions (darling.)
                           43, Personal accountant AWOL. Last communication received; a post-card from Rio de Janeiro carrying tfteohly the                                   90. Somebody I know got £500 last year.
                            message "It's all gone. Sorry." (photocopy attached.)                                                                                            91. National Insurance contributions.
                            44/45. Donated student loan to donke> ianuuar>/Kurt CVbai memorial fund.                                                                        92. Negative equity.
                             46. Accidentally left the     .  theoi        a f l H H ^ H H £ ( £ c friend in Hong Kong.                                                    93. Invisibles;
                              47. Can only wear silk, due to . . t                 *    tor's certificate attached.)                                                      94. Overheads.
                               48. Forced to replace entire wardrobe following a grievous lapse of concentration in the launderette.                                     95. Sundries and miscellany.
                                49. Grant spent on skin grafts following an accident in chemistry lab.                                                                  96.1 simply don't know where all the money went.
                                ' SO. Grant spent on false limbs following an accident in the Mech Eng workshop.
                                                                                                                                                                       97. Lost student loan in Nigerian investment portfolio hoax.
                                  51. Grant spent on a guide dog following an accident in the laser lab.      1
                                                                                                                                  • •
                                                                                                                                   • .*•
                                                                                                                                       ' <
                                                                                                                                       /               /             98/99/100. You have to give me the money, I'm in the boat club/on the University Cl|jj                             pal friend;     :
                                   52. Gullible.                                                                                                                    .. .And the least believable of all: 101. Spent it on textbooks.

                                  53. Prostitute's fees; a justifiable expenditure resulting from the disadvantageous male:female ratio (mate applicants

                                    54. Bodyguard's fees; a justifiable expenditure resulting from the disadvantageous male:female ratio (female appli-

                                     55/56. Legal costs/Vet's bills resulting from bizarre sexual practices/preferences.
                                      57. Forced to replace flatmate's microwave oven following failed suicide bid.                             _ . ,
                                       58. Toupee purchased to replace hair lost throughfinancialstress.                             .
                                        59. Got married, had kids, settled down during the summer holidays.
                                         60. Foolishly let slip PIN number to roajtmate whilst sleep-talking, hence bankrupt.
                                          61/62. Compelled to buy suit for job interview/roommate's funeral.
                                           63. Father, head of crumbling media empire, committed suicide by leaping from his private yacht, leaving one respon-
10 NEWS FEATURE                                                   FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

                                   O N T H E ISLAND OF
          A voyage of                                          Strangers in
           discovery                                             paradise
The rest of the intrepid expedition had gone to       Though it is a cliche, it is unfortunately true that
brave the mountains of Kolumbangara's interior        nowhere on earth is entirely perfect, and the
(Kolumbangara is one of the Solomon Islands,          bare patches on the mountain side stood out as a
in the Western Pacific), and I had been told, with    testament to the destructive power of the log-
all due subtlety, that as a mere girl, I would slow   ging industry. The loggers are at the root of
them down.                                            deep and bitter disputes between the island's
    This left me at a loose end in a male domi-       community which reach right down to family
nated training camp - the envy my friends had         level.
shown when I told them I would besharing my               In the Solomon Islands, titles like "chief are
holiday with eighty 16-21 year old lads (and          passed on mainly through the paternal line, and
five Australian monks) proving to have been           the chiefs are seen as caretakers of the land. But
misplaced. So, I borrowed a dug out canoe and         it is the woman who actually own the land,
set out to sea. It was about 8 'o' clock, and the     passed on through the maternal line. However,
sun illuminated the rainbow of colours thrown         the logging companies had gone into the islands
out by the coral, living on the shallow seabed,       assuming that the land was owned by the chiefs.
easily visible through the crystal clear tropical     Consequently, they thought that they had
water.                                                obtained permission to log the forest.
    As I paddled on, following the shoreline          Unfortunately, as the the chiefs did not actually
around the mountainous tropical island, I passed      own the land many cases have gone to court.
a few palmleaf huts and an overwhelming num-          The matter of landrightsand logging has led to
ber of half-dressed native children. A school of      feuds within families in a society where the
dolphins soon joined me, swimming in front of         sense of family is extremely strong and looking
the canoe - but always keeping their distance.        after your 'wantoks' (relations) is a social
The Solomon islanders consider them a pest as         responsibility.
they eat the precious tuna stocks, and the dol-           Although this system has many advantages -
phins have learnt to stay out of spear's reach.       there are no beggars, and all the old and infirm
Yet the dolphins stayed with the my canoe; leap-      are looked after by their families - it also has a
 ing across its path as I continued my voyage, on      system of strict taboos. A husband is not
around the island.                                    allowed to go to the bathroom if his wife's
    Following the coastline of this beautiful         brothers are in the same house, and while climb-
island, you begin to feel that you are no longer      ing Mount Popamanseu I was asked to keep my
 on the same planet as that inhabited by SW7 -        hair tied up, as the local giant took offense to
 the clear turquoise oceans, clean air and simple      long hair,and would "do your hair in" if he was
 native ways of life are so far removed from the       angered.
 unstoppable pace of twentieth century living that        Later, paddling along the coast of an idyllic
 we have all grown up with. Indeed, you easily         island in the increasingly fierce sun, Mount
 begin to beliieve that some mythical shield pro-      Popamanseu seemed less daunting, though
 tects this lonley paradise from the forces of         other dangers exist for those in canoes.
 change.                                                                              Tararamanu, the
    Yet all of a sud-                                                                  Sea Devil, will
 den, the                                                                              only venture forth
 reality of                                                                            on clear moonlit
 the mod-                                                                               nights when his
 em world                                                                               anger spurs him
 hits you                                                                                to     lightening
 smack in |                                                                               strikes. Luckily,
 the face...                                                                              I was safe today
                                                                                           - apart from a
                                                                                           bad    case of
                                                                                            sunburn. H

                    At a loose end in the Solomon Islands
        FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER                                                                                                                     COLUMNS          11
Time for a change this week, I think.         Single Market, which allies more            peoples of Europe, particularly           veto. This shows that the system is
You must be a shade fatigued by the           closely with Britain's long standing        Germany are beginning to see. How         not working. Individual concerns are
relentless 'analysis' of Sherfield's          adherence to free trade than with           on earth can the Deutschmark retain       being swept away in the name of the
activities, entirely justified as it is, of   many of our continental partners, is        all its value after 1999 if it becomes    greater good. Subsequently the only
course. As for Ian Caldwell, even I           very important. My problem is with          the Euro merged with currencies it        way that our voice can be heard is by
am almost tinged with guilt, particu-         the inexorable                                                  has historically      scuppering major summits, which
larly since he is finally starting to act     drive to harmon-      ^ | JJ*| 0           J D G K C F          been       stronger   does little for the dignity of the EU.
with financial prudence over the sale         isation, integra-                                               than?                 However, desperate situations call
of Boathouse rubble to the alumni.            tion and federal-                                                                     for desperate remedies. So much of
Magnificent idea. If it worked for            ism. As the days                                                Britain, quite        recent EU policy is blatantly against
some hideous lump of concrete in              go by, I can find                                            rightly, is not tak-     Britain's best interests- fishing, agri-
Germany, think what we can get for            more and more                                                ing all this at face     culture, employment, transport and
lovely Putney bricks. I shall also            reasons       why                                            value. We are            so on. It is time to renegotiate our
resist the urge to mention a recent           monetary union                                               quite prepared to        position in the club, otherwise we
incident in the Student fees office,          is fatally flawed.                                           pick and choose          will arrive at a situation where public
where a friend of mine was kept               Aside from the                                               policies that are        opinion will jeopardise the benefits
waiting for over five minutes, despite        pathetic point                                               beneficial        to     by calling for our exit, which is not
the presence of six staff when he             about      tourists                                          Britain, since we        as crazy as it sounds.
entered the room, finally to be served        avoiding curren-                                             clearly don't share
by some chap whose essential work             cy commission,                                               the         Franco-         Finally, can I remind the Hockey
on a computer consisted of playing            not one water-
                                                                                                           German 'dream'           Thirds that 'funny names' in your
Chess. Perhaps Mike Hansen would              tight argument
                                                                                                           of     a     united      reports were funny and original at
care to take up the running on this           for it appears to
                                                                                                           Europe.         The      roughly the sametimethat Little and
one.                                          have been put.     VOICQ            OI
  No, this week it's Europe.
                                              The notion that                            Reason            recent working
                                                                                                            week fiasco is a
                                                                                                                                    Large were. The sports team, devious
                                                                                                                                    swines that they are, only leave them
                                              economies as disparate as Germany          perfect example. We secure an opt          in to make you look silly, so don't
  Die-hard followers of this column           and Portugal can be 'aligned' and          out from the Social Chapter, which         do it. 'Indian Carpet catalogue'
will know that I am not the most              'converge', to be run under a single       contains the legislation, and so the       indeed. But what happened to 'Swiss
ardent fan of the European Union. I           economic policy and interest rates is      European Commission decide to call         Cottage'?
have long held the belief that the            plainly absurd, a point which the          it Health and Safety, which we can't

               in the course of duty -                                                                           THE      WEEKLY           P O E M
                                                                                                                        supplied by PoetIC
At this point I must take a brief break       mutilation. So, what is the problem
from my academic extemporising to             with Crash? It is different because it
alert everyone that a great, perverse         is not enjoyable, it is not pleasant, it
and repugnant injustice may soon be           is wholly foul. This is because it                                          NIGHT TO DAY
brought upon us all. For those of             exposes parts of the human psyche
you who have not kept up with cur-            which the politicians prefer to brush
rent affairs, certain people are              under the carpet. They do not want            Sinking into this murky depression,
attempting to ban the release of the          to admit that humans might be by              no control of one's powers
film 'Crash'. Crash was made by               their very nature cruel, sexual               and powers seem to be lost
David Cronenbourg, possibly the               beings, excited by violent, senseless         Bliss and happiness arriving abruptly
most vital, creative film maker alive         death. They prefer to imagine that            then going away quietly
today. It was based on the book by            people can, and will, fit into the            in a simmering twilight
J. G. Ballard, the most profound,             shroud of artificial normality that           Covers the ears
prophetic writer of the late twentieth        they have cast.                               making a sign of understanding...
century. The book tells the tale of              It is in a similar manner that cer-        cars passing by seeking the buzz...
certain normal individuals, and the           tain psychological experiments                It's night again.
manner in which their lives were              (Milgram's obedience experiment               All the zeros join together
irrevocably changed by their                  and Zimbardo's prison simulation; I           to make for a new start,
involvement in serious car crashes.           will not go into details here but they        that won't begin,
Although I have not seen it (and pos-         are described in any standard psy-            Nil
sibly never will) there is no doubt in        chology textbook should you wish to           You haven't got a stomach for this.
my mind that this film is one of the          look them up) have been branded               It's all acting in a world that you dream upon.
most beautiful, powerful and dis-             unethical. The ostensible reasons for         Just one slight breath changes it
turbing ever made.          And yet,          this are weak and largely irrelevant;         From night to day
philistines     such as       Virginia        the real reason for this branding was         Dawn.
Bottomley are attempting to prevent           simply because they revealed the              Impatience and ruin
the public seeing it. Their claim: that       true brutality of the human mind.             Waking up, dancing, weaving their old pattern.
it is sick, pornographic and brutal.
                                                 So I say that Crash must be                Leaving information on where
   They are correct of course, it is          shown. In fact it should be shown             to begin again:
sick, it is depraved, it is undeniably        everywhere; in cinemas, on televi-            Just a thought
brutal and possibly pornographic,             sion, in supermarkets, on giant pub-
but that is no reason for not showing         lic screens on street corners. It              Stelios
it - it is also a great, important work       should be compulsory viewing at
of art. Films such as Die Hard and            schools, it should be an essential part
Eraser are far more brutal and vio-           of every curriculum. Not just               PoetIC is the creative writing society of Imperial College. The next PoetIC
lent than this, and far lesser works of       because it is an incredible work of j       workshop will be on Monday 25th November at 5.30 in Room G21 of the
art, and they are shown and lauded at         art, but because it could prove to be       RSM building. For more details contact Keith McNulty on ext 58610 (e-
every turn. The crowds love them,             the most revealing film ever made.          mail:
they cheer at every decapitation and
12 NOTICES                                                                                          FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

                                                                               IMPERIAL C O L L E G E U N I O N
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         FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER                                                                                                  LETTERS & EDITORIAL 13

^TFELIX                       Student Newspaper of Imperial College
                                                                                                Produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board
                                                                                              Printed by Imperial College Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road,
                                                                                                           London SW7 2BB. Telephone/fax: 0171 594 8072
                                                                                                                 Copyright Felix 1996. ISSN 1040-0711

                                               E d i t o r Alex Feakes / A d v e r t i s i n g M a n a ge r Mark Baker
          STRIKE O N E ?                       ing, lack of attention, and lack of        demonstrators to support their action,     strike by HE personnel is rare - the
In a rare display of solidarity and            respect for the hundreds of thousands      and an NUS policy to join the strike,      last was over ten years ago - and
action, the College was closed this            of students, workers and lecturers.        picket lines were still breached by        therefore deserves good coverage.
week by the combined effect of tech-              Nationwide, the day of action was       students, and lectures still took place.   Academics are sensible people and
nicians, manual workers and lectur-            startlingly successful, with all HE        It would seem that a day off in pas-       would not go so far as to strike if they
ers striking. The issues that have             establishments affected. The AUT           sive support of a protest against cuts     did not have a genuine grievence.
brought these disparate groups                 were early in claiming a majority of       in HE funding - which ultimately              As the Rector said in his
together are firstly money, and sec-           institutions more or less closed by the    affect all students - is less favourable   Commemoration Day speech, the
ondly the state of HE in Britain.              strike. In London, University College      than braving the cold and wet for a        Government has stated that there are
   The level of anger amongst the              was closed, King's College severely        few understaffed lectures or a chance      no votes in HE. The implication is
pickets on Tuesday morning was                 under-staffed and many smaller col-        to use the internet. Are students here     that we are a soft target for cuts. This
running high. The weather for the              leges were also affected. At IC, near-     so laid-back that even a day in bed is     week's action was a valiant effort to
occasion, freezing rain, sleet and             ly all 600 technical and support staff     too radical for them?                      expose the complacency behind this
snow, was perhaps suited to the mis-           were on strike, as were a number of          The day of protest unfortunately         stance. Let us all hope that next
erable state of affairs that prompted          lecturers, and at least five depart-       coincided with other equally impor-        week's Budget reflects the views of
the action. Higher education is in a           ments were closed completely.              tant items of news, and was not real-      the hundreds of thousands of voters
mess, they said, through lack of fund-         However, despite calls by the              ly give the coverage it deserves. A        affected by Higher Education cuts.

                                                                   ETTERS T O ELIX
Clayponds talks back                           out of your room.                          (I subsequently added this to my           nous, acrid fumes that are produced
                                                  The common room was merely an           reply in Felix, together with the fact     on combustion.
Dear Editor,                                   example of how College money is            that I agreed with your earlier remark        Also, there are direct health prob-
   For fear of this letter sounding a          available for certain things but not       about budgets being used to cover          lems associated with consuming
bit 'tit for tat', I shall be brief. I am of   for others. I'm not saying that people     things up, but it wasn't published).       trace amounts of common plastics.
course referring to Danny Segal's              don't want one. After all, if some-           Meanwhile, my letter has also           New research is revealing that they
response in last week's Felix to my            body issues a questionnaire asking         been in IC Reporter and I have had         contain chemicals capable of mimic-
previous letter concerning security at         'Would you like a Jacuzzi and satel-       only praise from my colleagues and         king oestrogen and other sex hor-
Clayponds.                                     lite TV installed in your home ?',         other staff. Since I wrote my letter,      mones. In an age where fertility is
   In my letter I mentioned that I             you're not going to say no are you?!       Mr Foster has undertaken a QT cus-         dropping devastatingly fast, this
would like to see deadlocks fitted on             Yours sincerely,                        tomer survey. I am awaiting the            should be a real concern. Polystyrene
our front doors and used the common              Andrew Payne                             results.                                   also releases free radicals (nasty) and
room money as a possible means of                                                           Linda Hart                               can spoil the taste of the food.
funding this venture. Danny 'took              Result for sandwich                          Imperial College                            Da Vinci's may not have the space
issue' with my 'conclusion' that the           campaign                                                                              and facilities to use real crockery, but
most urgent upgrade was in the form                                                       Dear Felix,                                alternatives exist. Waxed cardboard
of better locks for the front doors on         Dear Mr Baker,                                It seems almost churlish to criti-      plates and bowls are available to
the grounds that only one of the bur-             Thank you for taking up my cam-         cise the cheerful budget fodder sup-       almost any specification. In particu-
glaries over the summer had                    paign against QT. I really should          plied in Da Vinci's. Many over-            lar, there is no excuse for using poly-
involved entrance through a front              have let John Foster write his own         worked academics punctuate their           styrene for cups; even McDonald's -
door.                                          reply, but as he took the trouble to       day with their fine coffee, and lunch      the paradigm of materialistic waste-
  This seems to be a case of 'we're            come and see me personally, and            time sees throngs of brassic students      fulness and social corruption - use
not going to spend money on this               appeared not to have read Felix (and       keeping mind and body united with          paper vessels throughout.
because there are other far weaker             I am such a kind and uncynical per-        their infallible curries.                     Its time to take responsibly as con-
points that need dealing with first' ie        son) I thought I would report what he         But, as you've probably guessed,        sumers. We can't afford to treat our
he practically acknowledges that the           said. I even let him see what I had        I'm going to criticise it anyway.          world as a dustbin any longer.
general level of security is appalling.        written before I sent it to Felix, hence      I have been concerned for some             David Ross,
Well I'm sorry but the issue of dead-          the use of the words "trading sur-         time about the immense quantities of          Mech Eng II
locks IS an important one, not least           plus" where I originally put "profits"     polystyrene consumed. Every curry,
because one is unable to get private           and the bit about the Sandwich Shop        meal, coffee, cake and even bread            Letters may be edited for length.
house and contents insurance at a              having lower overheads. I thought I        roll comes with its own quietly dis-           The guest editor's opinions
sensible premium without such a                repeated the word "apparently"             turbing, disconcertingly white and               are not necessarily those
lock. Instead one is forced to pay the         enough times that it should have           utterly unbiodegradable plastic disk.                  of the editor.
high 'All Risks' cover offered by the          been obvious I was merely reporting        Once a styrene object is created, it is     Deadline for letters in Felix 1071
College for any computers etc which            what Mr Foster said and did not nec-       never destroyed. No organism exists             is Monday 25th November.
should NOT be classified as 'All               essarily believe it. I would like to       that can digest the stuff (though my        Please bring some form of identi-
Risks' unless they are portable and            know why the college charges its           flatmate's working on it) and most          fication. Letters may be e-mailed
you wish them to be covered when               own catering department overheads          people are familiar with the poiso-           to our address:

                                                     COLLATING LAST WEEK: ROBIN AND DAVID; SECRETARY: SARAH
14 CROSSWORD                                                                                                                 FELIX FRIDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

BUILDING B L O C K S BY CLANSMAN       AND   COBRA                                                                          Puzzle E:        Puzzle H:

  Look at the example given               Rules:                                  5. Only words that are in com-
below:                                                                          mon use in the English language
                                            1. Add one letter and do an ana-    may be used, so for example "psi"
  t                                     gram of the letters (when and if        can be used as although it is strictly
  at                                    necessary) to create a new word,        speaking Greek, it is in use, for
  eat                                   and continue in this manner until       example, in many science subjects.
  date                                  the final word is obtained (the first
  stead                                 letter and last word are given).                                                     assorted        charmers
                                            2. Proper nouns are allowed, but
   In getting from one word to the      should be avoided if possible (all        Puzzle A:             Puzzle C:            Puzzle F:       Puzzle I:
next, one letter is added and, when     the puzzles in this edition can be
necessary, an anagram is done to        completed without the use of prop-                              d                                    m
form a new word. In the process,        er nouns).
the words get longer and longer             3. A word may not be converted
until the final word (in this case      into it's immediate plural (e.g. in
"stead") is reached. At each stage,     the example given, date may not be
the letters used must form a proper     converted into dates). However,
word. Using the example above as        plurals are allowed if an anagram
a basis, can you get from the start-    has taken place to make it (e.g. live                                                ailments        imagined
ing letter to the final word in each     — veils). Adding an "s" is allowed
                                           >                                                            detonated
of the puzzles given on the right? A     if it does not create a plural (e.g.     reinstated
list of rules is given to the right.    require — > requires).
Thanks to astra for the original            4. No apostraphes or hyphenated       Puzzle B:             Puzzle D:            Puzzle G:       Puzzle J:
idea.                                    words may be used.

  a) (32.9); b)(7,14); c) (16,27); di(21,30); e)(13.35V, 0(29.22);
  g><5,40); h)(36,39); i) (17,28); j) (11,4): k) (26,19); I)(23.15):
  m) (34,41); n) (33,31; o)(J8.25V, p) (1,12); q 1(24,2); r) (8,10V,                                                                         sacking
  s) (31.20), t) (37,6)    leaving "customs" (38).                                                      integral             reversal

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      F E L I X FRIDAY 22ND N O V E M B E R                                                                                                              SPORT 15

 R S M F O O T B A L L FIRSTS STORM                                                     F O O T B A L L SECONDS O V E R C O M E
        T H R O U G H I N CUP                                                                      BATTLING K I N G ' S
After receiving a bye in the first            the goal of the season.                   The most important day of the sea-       was rapidly followed up when a deep
round, RSM Firsts started their cup              However, RSM then - whether out        son so far ended in glorious victory     cross let Martin head neatly back
venture in the second round against           of compassion or merely lack of con-      on and off the pitch for the IC          across goal and into the net. There
Charring Cross Firsts. It was going to        centration - handed the opposition        Seconds.                                 then followed a period of consolida-
be a good benchmark for us since the          the initiative. Charring Cross did cre-      With the league stage of the          tion with our back four of Blondie,
opposition plays in a league higher           ate some half-chances, but could not      BUSA cup on a knife-edge, "IC            Will, German and Phil "the pill" con-
than ours.                                    capitalise on their achievements until    Slags" needed a win to secure a place    trolling play, and effectively block-
   The game started off with RSM              twenty minutes from time. Although        in the next round. A depleted IC side    ing King's from taking any initiative.
having the better play. Ten minutes           Larson managed a touch, the ball          had lost 3-0 to King's last Saturday -      A rare defensive lapse let King's
into thefirsthalf Johan was through           could not be prevented from going         today grit and determination were        pull one back and the game caught
on goal, only to be blatantly fouled.         in, to reward Charring Cross for their    needed to ensure a return victory,       fire. Both sides put in a mighty effort
A clear professional foul, therefore          efforts.                                  and we showed both.                      but our class showed through as the
deserving a red card. But the referee            Keith, in keeping with a long tra-        The first half was scrappy and        ball was worked around their area to
let the guilty player off. We did how-        dition of RSM attacking right-backs,      sadly disrupted by a King's midfield-    Felix, who produced a sensational
ever get a free-kick in a dangerous           restored the two goal lead. Johan         er who was clearly there to foul, dive   strike into the top corner - rippling
position. Michael turned the ball             then had a chance to add to the score-    - and not much else. Unfortunately,      the net and breaking King's hearts.
around the wall, leaving the goalie           line, when we were awarded a penal-       with the referee struggling to main-     The game ended with the dismissal
no chance. We then forced a two-nil           ty kick. However, he opted instead        tain control German, our bruising        of their midfielder, whose conduct
lead, following a magnificent indi-           for a rather convincing impression of     Georgian defender, took matters into     throughout the match was nothing
vidual effort from Si. After winning          Gareth Southgate.                         his own hands in an incident that        short of disgraceful.
the ball, he easily passed three                All in all, this was a good result,,    earned both players involved a book-       The victory was topped off in
defenders and then chipped the                thanks to a good combined perfor-         ing.                                     Southside bar later in the evening as
goalie. Without question, this was            mance from the entire team.                  A rousing half-time speech from       the IC footballers faced up to IC
                                                                                        captain marvel Steve stirred our         rugby club in a seven-man boat race.
                                                                                        blood and within minutes we were         Naturally, we emerged triumphant.
          I C BASKETBALL SECURES                                                        on top thanks to our deadly duo up          All in all, a great day for IC
                                                                                        front. A through ball from the mighty    Seconds.
              N U M B E R O N E SPOT                                                    Robo put Alex in to score, and this

T MOURITIS                                    King's college, later today. A victory
IC basketball Men's first team                will put IC through to the BUSA last
secured thefirstplace in their group
last week, after crushing the (not par-
                                                 If you would fancy watching a
ticularly strong) resistance of St            strong basketball match involving                                       FENCING
George's Medical School. The dif-             your university team, check our                        IC M E N 26 - 1 R O Y A L         HOLLOWAY
ference in technical skills between           noticeboard for the details.
                                                                                                   IC WOMEN 2 - 1 6 ROYAL                HOLLOWAY
the players of the two team, strength-
ened by the fact that St George's             The Men's second team, unfortu-
only came up with five players for            nately, paired their defeats, this time                              B A S K E T B A L L
the match is mirrored on the final            by QMW 2nd. The performance was
                                                                                                     I C M E N 1 ST 105 - 28 S T G E O R G E ' S
score: an astonishing 105-28.                 much better than in the first match,
   This would have been even bigger,          but the result was fair, as QMW were                I C M E N 2 N D 7 0 - 94 Q U E E N M A R Y           2ND
if we didn't have to get out of the           stronger under the basket. Now the
court as we were running out of time.         Seconds have five home matches in a                                    F O O T B A L L
The next match for the team will be           row, and can perhaps change their
an away play-off, probably against                                                                             IC 1ST0 - 2 KING'S          1ST
                                              luck and performance.
                                                                                                               IC 1 S T 0 - 3 ST MARY'S
                                                                                                            IC 2ND 3 - 1 KING'S            2ND
                                                                                                        IC 2ND 0 - 0 QUEEN M A R Y               2ND
              CROSS-COUNTRY                                                                                    IC 3RD 3 - 7 KING'S 3RD
The latest fixture in this seasons            women mustered the energy to dom-                         IC 4TH 2 - 2 Q U E E N M A R Y 4TH
cross-country championship saw                inate. Jennie won, again, and Maria
                                                                                                       R S M    1ST 3 - 1 C H A R R I N G C R O S S
both of IC's teams journeying to              put in a good run, despite this being
Wimbledon Common, where the                   herfirstrace this year.
men could only put in a sub-standard            "Yellow-arse" finally managed to                                        R U G B Y
performance.                                  beat the guest seventy year-old run-
   Good individual achievements               ner, by kicking his Zimmerframe                                    IC 2ND 50 - 0 L S E
were let down by " A pint of what?"           away. And where were the                                           I C 3 R D 12 - 3 0 U C L
Fishick. Gaffer, Ponytail and Three-          Flowerpot Men? - out looking for
                                                                                                            I C W O M E N 10 - 0 B A R T S
Cubed put in great showings, finish-          Wombles!
ing tenth, sixteenth and eighteenth              Yet another great day out was
respectively, but our "star runner"           assured, however, thanks to the bar-                                     H O C K E Y
did not even bother to grace us with          maid with the short skirt at the Grid                     R S M X I 1 6 - 0 CHARING CROSS
his presence.                                 Inn, who provided hours of entertain-
   In spite of coming in a car, the           ment.
16 SPORT                                                                                                                     F E L I X FRIDAY 22ND N O V E M B E R

                         F E L I X SPORT
   Wales, swimming, and the meaning of 3°C
                                                                                                                            was me who went swimming).
On a traditional canoe club freshers                                                                                          After all the excitement, it was
trip there is a chance for the new                                                                                          back to the hut for chilli (of course)
members to attempt some simple                                                                                              and lots of beer, thanks to Ross and
white-water paddling. However, due                                                                                          the chocolate eating kip kid Drew,
to the lack of water in the preferred                                                                                       who procured us this banquet.
rivers, and the use of the new, seem-
ingly indestructable, two seater                                                                                            So to Sunday, and the middle section
teaching kayak our plans were                                                                                               of the Conwy. Now back on a fairly
altered.                                                                                                                    sensible river, the beginners were
   After arriving early on Saturday                                                                                         taught the essential basics of pad-
morning we woke up early (honestly,                                                                                         dling on a flowing river. They coped
we did) and set off for the Aber                                                                                            amazingly on a tough stretch of
Glaslyn. After scraping and knuck-                                                                                          water, with an astoundingly low
ling down the top section, being fear-                                                                                      number of swims.
less/stupid, we decided to attempt the                                                                                         If the innane grins on everyone's
gorge taking a beginner down in the                                                                                         faces afterwards is any indication,
two seater. A probe team was sent                                                                                           then fun was had by all, and we are
down first with all the usual probe                                                                                         all looking forward to our next trip.
beater problems. After they had
shown us quite impressively where         accurate) and they managed to only      brave and trusting beginner and           Anyone interested in canoing can
not to get stuck or pinned, and where     come out and swim once, putting a       Garth (acting like a fish for the third   meet the canoe club at 7.15 on a
to avoid three-boat pile-ups, we set      big dent in the back which had          time this week).                          Tuesday evening in Beit for a pool
 off.                                     mended itself by the next morning.         Unfortunately the rest of us were      session. Our next river trip is to the
   The two seater charged down the        Even the breaker (many pointed          not quite as impressive, going down       River Dart next weekend. All stan-
river (well, bounced might be more        rocks) was negotiated superbly by a     backwards and swimming (OK, so it         dards are welcome.

    Strong performances all round for IC rugby
 I C M E N ' S THIRD X V                                      I C M E N ' S SECOND X V                                            IC WOMEN'S X V
The first-half of the game proved         SERGE BLANCO                            sewn up by the interval with IC            The driving rain did nothing to
difficult. After conceeding thirty        FELIX RUGBY CORRESPONDENT               stretching the lead out of the Econ-       dampen IC's spirits in their first
points to UCL, the IC Thirds recol-       Needing a victory to ensure progress    omists reach, rampaging to 31-0.           game of the season, against Barts.
lected their thoughts during the          into the play-offs in the BUSA             In the second-half IC kept up the       We hit them hard in the first ten
interval, and so dominated the sec-       national championships, IC Seconds      pressure, and further tries followed       minutes, with Sarah Waiman scor-
ond-half that UCL were unable to          produced a top notch performance,       for Kolone Yung (his fourth of the         ing a stormingfirsttry. The opposi-
improve on their score.                   and demolished LSE to the tune of a     year), James Sopper and Michael            tion began to fight back, but excel-
   With an agressive return, IC           massive (and almost unbelievable)       Peachmont (with his second of the          lent defence work kept Barts at bay
showed their prowess as a well dis-       margin of fifty (that's right, fifty)   day). Fullback Justin Lee supplied         for the rest of the first-half.
ciplined squad. Relentless tackling       points to nil.                          five conversions, adding a further ten        After the break, IC began to fight
and recycling from the forwards              From the opening kickoff, IC         points to the rapidly swelling IC          back, with Petra delivering a second
unleashed the pace and swift han-         made their intentions clear, with a     scoreline.                                 try to boost the winning margin to a
dling of the backs. Little more than      seven phase sequence moving IC to          To be truthful, LSE never stood a       convincing ten points, with the final
ten minutes into the match the the        the LSE tryline. Capitalising on the    chance, as IC systematically took          score IC 10, Barts 0.
back-row co-ordinated with the cen-       opportunity offered by a strike         them to the cleaners, as the scoreline        Everyone played well, especially
tres to put Toby Hoakin in for a con-     against the head, Darren Bryce bull-    so clearly demonstrates.                   the new girls. In particular, some
verted try. A second try was sealed       dozed in to open the floodgates.           Skipper Julian Harrison was             superb flying tackles from Clare,
in the corner from another backrow        Continuity was a major theme of the     extremely satisfied with the team          and a formidable front row led by
manoevre minutes later.                   match, with the IC pack able to con-    performance - though next weeks            Mo, were key in this victory. The
   With the spirit and pressure gener-    tinuously recycle the ball and make     opponents will hopefully provide           players of the match were Mo
ated during the second-half, it was       further inroads into a beleagured       stiffer opposition.                        Bradley for the forwards, and Petra
only a shame more points didn't           LSE defence.                               The whole team then retired to          Vacas for the backs.
come. In the end, the scoreline didn't      Tries flowed thick and fast, with     Khan's for a well deserved victory           The team performance showed
reflect the effort that IC put in, with   Michael Peachment, Dave Chatagy         meal, happy in the knowledge that          huge promise for the remainder of
UCL taking the match by thirty            and Barry Richards making one each      glory is within their grasp.               the season.
points to twelve.                         before half-time. The game was

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