intertainment Jokes by salihugee


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									                                          1. AGRIC CITY

A boy was overheard boasting to a girl trying to impress her with the places he visited.

Boy: You know I have travelled almost all over Nigeria. I have to yuguda’s farm in Bauchi,
sharna farm in Jos, sebore farm in Adamawa, Obasanjo’s farm in ogun and lots more.

Girl: Wow! That means you know agric very well?

Boy: Agric! Of course! I even spent four night there. What a wonderful city!!

                                                             ZAINAB M. HARUNA


                                                             ANIMAL SCIENCE DEPARTMENT

                                  2. PROFESSOR AND SAILOR

A prof. was travelling by boat with a sailor, he asked the sailor, “Do you know biology?
Ecology? Geography? Morphology? or Zoology?” the sailor said No to all the questions. The
professor got angry and said, “What the hell do you know on earth? You will die of

After one hour, the boat in which they are travelling started sinking, so the sailor asked the
professor;” Do you know swiminology and escapeology from sharkology? “the professor
said No. the sailor added,” Well sharkology and crocodiology will eat will eat your
headology and your bodiology, and you will ideology because of your mouthology….”




                                    3. A JOURNEY TO LAGOS

An old woman boarded a bus from calabar to lagos and told the driver that he should let her
know when they reach Benin, the driver nodded his said, she shouted again “My children
una hear wetin I tell am?” everybody respond “yes ma”. After several hours of driving,
everybody got asleep, yet, this woman never ever blinked. Meanwhile, she said to the driver
; “never reach Benin” “madam? Benin is like four hours journey behind us.”

The woman started crying: “take me back to Benin i no like wahala oo!!” the driver then
consider the age of the woman and agreed to take her back to Benin. As they reach there,
she simply opened her bag, brought out a sachet of panadol, removed two tablets and
swallowed with water. She then smiled and said “na my daughter said if I reach Benin make
I take two tablets of panadol, oya make we dey go Lagos…” Lol!!!




                                    4. CHINESE PRODUCTS

A Nigerian lady got married to a Chinese man, and got pregnant for him. She gave birth to a
baby boy, and five days the baby died. Her aunty came crying and shouting saying: I KNEW
IT! I KNEW IT!! KI KNEW IT!!! The curious lady took her aunty to a corner and ask her why
are you shouting “ I KNEW IT!.” “I KNEW IT”? “Behold “ she replied: “ I know say China
products no dey last,”




                                  STUDENT ORIENTATTION

During student orientation, the Dean addresses the students: “the female dormitory is out
of bound for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody
caught breaking this rule will be fined N200 the first time, the second time will be N600, and
the third time cost a fine of N1800. Is there any question?.” A male student inquired, “How
much for a session please?”.




                                       EHEM! EHEM!!

    Wikipedia:       I know everything.
    Google:                 But I have everything
      Facebook:    So what? I know everything.
      Internet:    Hey! Without me you all are nothing.
      Electricity: Silent! Who’s the boss now?
      Benjamin Franklin: Ehem! Ehem!! Who discover electricity?

                                                           LUKMAN SAMINU


                                                           CROP SCIENCE

                                A MAN IS TALKING TO GOD

The man:      God how long is a million years?

God:          To me, its about a minute.

The man:      God how much is a million dollar?

God:          To me it’s a penny.

The man:      God, may I have a penny?

God:          Wait a minute

                              FAUZIYYA AMINU MUDI


                              ANIMAL SCIENCE

                           WHO HAS MORE FAMILY PROBLEMS?

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of
family problems.

       Saying “my wife will undergo surgical operation because she can deliver by herself.
My children were sent back from school because of school fees. The land lord gave me a
notice of three days to live his house and the worst part of it, my employer sacked me last
week. The other man said, you think you have family problems? Listen to my situation.

       “a few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown up daughter and got married,
later my father married my step daughter, that made my step daughter my step mother and
my father became my step son, also my wife became mother in law of her father in law,
then daughter of my wife, my step mother, had a son, this boy was my half-brother because
he was father’s son but he was also the son of my wife’s daughter. This made my wife’s
grand son that made me the grand father of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife
and I had a son.

       Now the half sister of my son, my step mother, is also his grand mother. This makes
my father the brother-in-law of my child whose step sister is my father’s wife. I am my step
mother’s brother-in-law. My wife is her own child’s aunt, my son is my father’s nephew and
I am my own grand father! And you think you have family problems?”

                                                          ABBA BALA ADAMU



        The Agricultural sector in Nigeria is comprised of many activities, such as farming, which
include Livestock rearing, fishing, forestry E.t.c. This is accelerated by the coming of colomalist,
which provided a positive motivational influence to produce cash crops for sale and export to
Western Europe.

        According to Helleiner (1966), Exported Agricultural products accounted for about 57% of
Nigeria’s, Gross Domestic product (GDP) in 1929. And indeed throughout the colonial period, the
economy of Nigeria relied mainly on Agricultural production.

        However, coupled with the fluctuations in price of the commodity produce (Cash crops) over
a year which the nation economy relied on led to the establishment of the commodity marketing

        In addition the established commodity Board was saddled with the responsibility of buying
crops from farmers and selling them abroad. As such, it played a very important role in stabilizing
farm income and revenue generations for the execution of developmental projects in Nigeria
(Anyawu et al, 1997)

                                                                   Bello Rufai Wali


                                                                   Department of Forestry Fisheries
                                                                   and wildlife

      Basically, there are three ways for a nation to acquire wealth. The first one is by Nas as the
Romans did, through plundering and conquering neighbor; and this is what is called robbery.

         The second one is by commerce, which if care is not taken could be full of cheating and

        The third one is through Agriculture which is the clean way, where a man receives a real
wealth by throwing seeds to the ground. This is a miracle from God where he showers his favor and
blessings upon his servant through Agriculture; and as such make it a virtuous industry.




                                      NIGERIA: MY COUNTRY

We are rich in natural resources but the people are poor

We have more directors but no definite directions

We have more degree but less sense.

We have more experts but more problems.

         We said to be practising democratic mode of leadership here in Nigeria, and we know that
democracy is a government of the people by the people and for the people. But the question here is
that does the theoretical meaning of democracy correlate with the practical experiences of
Nigerians? Certainly No! We frequently here our leaders while reading their oath of office saying
that they will not allow their personal interest to influence that of the public, yet, this statement
does not go beyond their mouth except very few of them. Most of them, instead resolve to making
themselves rich to the extent of competing in building palaces abroad while their people are still
living below one dollar in a day.

        That is not the end of it; the farmland we inherited fro our fathers were turned into estate
and stadiums, our industries were changed into cemeteries, and our country men were turned into
slaves. Thus creating an artificial poverty for the masses. These are so-called educated people with
degree in professions causing such a mess to our fatherland; unknown to them that our ancestors
fed the nation without degree in Agronomy, made “gari” from cassava without degree in food
science and technology, generated income and managed the nation without degree in Economics.
         What next? Someone might say the destiny of the nation is in the hand of the upcoming
generation. But surprisingly, today in Nigeria it is much more easier for a camel to pass through the
eye of a needle than for graduate to secure a job. The vibrant graduates that have big dreams for the
nation are not allowed to display their skill full techniques in re-branding the nation as they are
overshadowed by those with long leg even though they could be unproductive. Therefore, I urge the
students to make proper decision by making good use of their knowledge by making initiatives in
order to become self-dependent. Never be among those that study for certificates to look for high
paying jobs in refineries or Julius Berger just because you want to make money without knowing that
if you fail to get job in Julius Berger you will end up your life as either junior or senior bagger.

        You can be rich and happy simultaneously when you resolve to go to farm for its resources
are inexhaustible. Don’t restrict yourself to something crude as your only resource because anything
crude is a problem, crude yam kills when eat and crude petrol knocks engine when use.

        Change does not require multitude number of people, God needs only Adam to create
human race therefore, Nigeria needs only you to bring changes. Prepare yourself to work towards a
positive direction and be one of the driving forces in uplifting the nation status.



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