VIEWS: 12 PAGES: 15 POSTED ON: 12/6/2012
The Drink Tank Issue 77 A Rare Unthemed Issue! Our Fighting Women When a little girl is six- A Semi-Fictional Bio Piece foot by the day she steps into her from Judith and Kathryn Morel Junior High classroom, she gets teased a lot. When that girl grows The girl in the ring becomes up in Los Angeles, she’s pretty something more than the one in much asured that she’s going to the audience. I’m not sure how to have to fight her way through. As say it otherwise. Even if the most long as she stays in school, she’ll glamorous starlet is sitting ring- have to keep fighting. Maria grad- side, she’s not a stitch in history uated, 3.2 GPA, 36-2 with a cou- compared to the woman in the ple dozen knockouts in PAL and ring. That’s what Maria’s father Golden Gloves, 100-0 with a few told her as he made her throw five score knockouts in brawls with hundred punches into the heavy those angry girls with the brown bag every day after school. lip-liner. Maria Alejandra Munceo At six-three with mus- fought two hundred and sixteen cles that weren’t sculpted but bouts before she stopped at the fire-hardened, Maria wasn’t in age of twenty-three. Six years demand for the promoters who later, she came back. Three years controlled OnDemand and HBOx- later, she showed up on a pay-per- ing. Graduation meant a choice: view and dropped hard to the can- the warehouse video-taped fights vas for the big payday made bigger for good money that were noth- by her co-operation. That was the ing more than fetishist pre-flight boxing career of Maria Munceo, entertainment that usually ended save for the other fight, the real in photo spreads and sometimes fight. going home with wealthy admir- amount which never comes close to the in Texas. Every night she fought, no number promised. The girls who fought matter what the ending of record was, Mia St. John and Christy Martin were she was the star. put up in hotels, flown in to take the Until she quit. beatings. Maria would drive all night She had just fought her first to tiny arenas and then drive straight fight in Juanez, a three hundred dollar home after the fight, not wanting to pay-off and a long car ride back home. waste the money on the only cheap In Arizona, on a road she knew from motels in one horse towns. The repre- trips to fight Garcias in El Paso and sented girls, they fight at the Taj Mahal Vegas in Nuevo Laredo. She pulled to in Atlantic City, the Olympic in LA, the the side of the highway and stared into MGM in Vegas. Maria fought in Worley, the rear-view. Idaho, the Women’s Boxing Capital of What the hell am I doing? She America, in Primm, Nevada, in Hawai- thought and she looked at the clock on ian Gardens, California. the glowing 3:43 am. There was still a And all the while she kept win- ning, kept knocking out girls who were a foot shorter and far prettier. She ran an impressive record, seventy-plus wins, maybe four losses, and more ers, or the no-money wonder that exist knockouts than she could remember. in legal and illegal boxing clubs with The records on the club scene were names like KO Towers and the Doube- rare and often revised to give more L. If you made it strong in one, you’d weight to the girl who stepped in the be rich, famous on the net and in the ring with the local favorite. magazines that cater to the audience Maria was always the local fa- that doesn’t care whether it's boxing or vorite, no matter where she fought. In wrestling or simply two nearly naked, Idaho, the only place where women and sometimes totally naked, women box and receive as much admiration as beating each other to bloody messes. If the men for their talents She knocked you’re a great club boxer, maybe they’ll sixteen girls out in a row before she see you, maybe they’ll call and say they had one fight go to the cards. She still want you in the show, on pay-per-view, won and ten more after. She ruled Los in the big arenas. Angeles’ small clubs, making young Maria chose the clubs. Chicana boxers stare up at the lights. When you work for the big pro- She lost once in Reno, once in Tahoe, moters, the pay does not come in a close call in Chula Vista and another sealed envelopes containing a mystery trace of blood on her cheek from Lean- and gave birth a month after her grad- na Fuente’s nose. She had only taken uation. She named her Rosa Cassan- maybe four punches of any force, but dra Falls. The name was a mistake, for she was hurting, ribs felt cracked and Mr. Falls never made Maria his bride, spine felt compacted. Everything hurt and barely stayed until the day Rosa all at once, the weight of years of box- learned to walk. ing, of self-imposed limitations, of Maria Munceo started UCSB fights against opponents who were no two years later, when she had saved match for her. She hadn’t lost but a enough working as a personal trainer handful of fights, but she felt like she at an over-priced gym to pay for school. had been destroyed. That night, she She got her degree in Recreational Sci- stopped and slept at a motel. The next ence, a near 4.0 GPA and a daughter morning she called Jaime Jullian and whose first words were ‘lift’ and ‘hold’ told him to cancel her three fights for and ‘breathe’. Mother and daughter the next month. Maria Munceo retired, were both fit as a fiddle when things unnoticed. changed again. The next week she took stock. Four years and six days after the Seventeen thousand dollars in the birth of her daughter, an old voice over bank and another six grand in cash the phone. that she kept under the spare tire in “Is this the Munceo residence?” her car. She lived in a five hundred “Yeah, this is Maria.” She said. dollar a month apartment in West- waitress at the 24-hour pancake house “Maria, it’s Jaime. Jaime Julian.” wood, surrounded by UCLA students. where every drunken frat boy ended She didn’t need the clarification, Maria took a week that she thought up drinking coffee after parties, wait- but the two talked for almost an hour perfect. Sleep ’til ten, then a long bath. ing until they might be sober enough about what Jaime had to do to find her Lift until 1, then TV and lunch. Dinner to drive. One of them, a boy of twenty, number, who he had talked to along at seven and then long run. Then home bought her flowers. the way. and bed earlier than she’d ever man- “I’m Michael Falls.” he told her “I got a fight for you.” aged while training every afternoon. as he gave them to her “I’m gonna take Maria spent a few minutes ex- After that, it was business again. you out when your shift’s over.” She moved North, just outside of Santa She smiled and nodded. He Barbara, a little place surrounded by came back at seven am. They walked students again, paying four-fifty and across town for the better breakfast at living with three girls who went to Hobee’s. Maria was touched that he UCSB. She started community col- had come for her, and by the end of lege, got her AA with an emphasis on the evening, she was his. Physical Training. She worked as a She was pregnant that October, plaining that she wouldn’t fight in Stanek. Fight’s in six weeks.” first time those clubs anymmore, that she had Maria smiled. Missy could take a back in six more to worry about than driving punch like a man, but couldn’t throw years, that across the country to pick up a few around any sort of defense. night when hundred dollars when she could make “Yeah, I’ll do it. I’ll drive up the the drunk that in an afternoon. night before.” Maria answered. Mexicans got a “No, Maria, I don’t want you to “Nope.” Jaime sounded insistant. terrible opener fight at the Club. Hell, I haven’t been “You and the kid can drive up in two where two there for more than a year.” Jaime weeks and stay at the Holiday Inn. I’ll tiny African said. “No, I want you to come and have a room for you. We want you to fighters with fight for me at the Olympic next week- train with Michael Brodeur and Mickie names the an- end. Thirty-six hundred for the win- Chavez.” nouncer could ner, twelve hundred for the loser. The Brodeur and Chavez? Maria barely manage girls an old Club Fighter named Missy got the rest of the details, but those to mangle threw maybe ten punches names, they meant more each and did no damage. Maria knew than the money. The two the kind of fight it was, just the one to had six amazing fights get them on a card and get a payday against one another in the without affecting the real record of late 1970s, each one knock- either man. In fact, both fought under ing the other one out three fake names: one really was Tanzanian, times late in the fight, each the other from Long Beach. The second time setting them back to fight was much better and the crowd the beginning, but building rode that through six rounds. They to a rematch that drew the were on third. Mexicans to the fights at the Maria took some hard body Olympic. They started train- shots, but came back with simple, and ing guys in the late 1980s, slower, combinations. That first round, and when the LA fight scene the first round back, that hurt her started drying up, they took more than the ten hours a day training in the ladies. Maria had seen under the rigid taskmasters. She was some of the girls Chavez burnt, started to sieze. had trained; they were fierce “Maria, harder. Hit the bitch and knew their business. To harder.” Mickie said. them, fighting wasn’t a sport, In the second round, Missy went it was a way of making a liv- toes up, floored cinematically hard ing. from a right cross that she had no That first fight, that counter for. Five more fights that year and derstand. she was 6-0, with four knockouts. The “Watch out for her left and try to next year she fought at the Olympic, at take it to the late rounds?” Mandalay Bay, at the Rosemont Hori- “No, you’re to drop in three, no zon, at the Compaq Center. 14-0 with more. She doesn’t look convincing after a draw and ten knockouts. She was three rounds.” featured in Rings as the Next Challeng- Maria had never thrown a fight, er to watch for. She made ten grand save for one or two to boyfriends when a fight, twenty in the big arenas. He she wanted action. He told her the took her kid with her on the road until fight paid seventy-five to the winner, the day she started Kindergarden. She ten to the loser, and one hundred if paid for a nanny, full time. She had a she took the dive. record that most boxers only dream of. “She’s a model. She’s got looks, Jaime Julian, aged sixty-six, a spread in Playboy in three months, a died four hours after Maria knocked pop star boyfriend. You, you’re a good out Joyce Kubiak with a strong jab to boxer, and if you’ve got anything else her temple. He was driving home and to offer, then I’d like ot see it.” had a heart attack behind the wheel. That fight, that was a rough He went into the median and that end- fight. She opened working the jab, ed his life. Chavez and Brodeur took opening a cut over the left eye with just over his bookings, but they had bigger a bit of thumb. The second round she names they wanted to work with and work with trainers who knew that they had her in trouble, but started pulling Maria was left to working freelance. were doing. Two different heavyweight the punches and ‘walking’ into one or A phone call. champs passed through. She let one two of her opponent’s. In the middle of “Miss Munceo, I wonder if you spot her while the other took her to round three, she she steppped into an might come and visit us at Top Rope.” dinner and more. She had money and haymaker, snapped her own head back An English voice asked. world class equipment. and crumbled. She would have been She went and saw them, toured “Maria, can I talk to you.” The out even if she hadn’t set herself up for their facilities, met with fight doctors English voice said while she was busy it. and others. pressing three hundred pounds of She only fought a few more times “We’ll put you on a fifty-thou- plate. after that. She won all those fights, all sand dollar retainer and you’ll be on “Yeah, sure” she answered. They of them on the undercard of significant pay-per-view starting next month.” He went to the offices and she sat in the bouts between good lightweights. She said. leather chair, he in the Herman-Miller retired, aged thirty-two. Her daughter She signed that afternoon. chair that would have cost her a full was eight, but she already knew how The training center was per- month’s rent. to pull the elbows in and to start the fect, and other fighters came there for “Your next fight, you know what uppercut from the hips, not the shoul- to do, right?” He said, as if she’d un- der. Maybe Rosa wouldn’t take the dive Scary and a Bit Sad: Scientologists where she did. Maybe she’d be that girl I’ve Known and Loved with endorsements and a photo spread I’ve been friends with very rich that meant she wouldn’t have to step people for many years now, and yet, of into a punch that she wouldn’t have my friends, there are no Scientologists. let hit in a hundred years. Maria never On the other hand, people that I’ve forgave herself, but she also used that respected and even some that I’ve met money to make sure her daughter had and had conversations with are, but I the choice to fight or not. never figured it out until I was surfing Now, Maria trains boxers, makes the net recently. them learn the skills and tells them The first one is actually debated. ‘if you’re going to fight, fight right. If Frank Kelly Freas is listed several plac- you’re going to take the money, at least es as having been a Scientologist, and make it look good.’ he certainly had some connection to And her girls always have, no Scientology and specifically to Illustra- matter which way they choose. tors of the Future, but his wife says he was never a member. I don’t think he was, but there’s a lot of talk about him being in with some of those people. There are those that we all know are Scientologists, like John Travolta (I met him in 1980), Tom Cruise (saw who won a contest to meet her (along him in Hollywood circa 1990), Isaac with about a hundred other kids). She Hayes (shook his hand in 1996) and did a horror film about killer fish and I Chick Corea (met him in St. Louis Air- was at the opening and ended up talk- port in the mid-1990s), but there are ing to her for almost an hour (and was a few shockers that I love, like Beck constantly staring at her chest). I then (whose family were all Scientologists) met her again at a film festival in 2001. and Doug E. Fresh. I’ve heard Beck She was really nice, and still beautiful. called a Scientologist in name only, We laughed about the film that showed and that Doug E. Fresh is only partial- with hers which was terrible and she ly active. really got into the mockery. The biggest shock when I found Jenna Elfman and her husband, out was Soleil Moon-Frye. She’s a ma- Bodhi, are both members. I met her jor babe and our paths crossed sev- when they were shooting exteriors eral times. The first was when she was for Dharma & Greg. Pretty lady, and still Punky Brewster and I was a kid funny too. It’s a shame she got caught up in Scientology! Emailed Words of Comment Cheers, from my Loyal readers Bob I’ll make sure that I add your sent to email@example.com film to the long list of lost films! First off, making his Drink Tank You know, this may have been debut is Robert Hole on Issue 76!!! the longest I’ve gone without I’m loving it. Just finished and mentioning lost films. I think you must say it’s my favorite Drink Tank for the ability to mention it here! that I’ve read so far. I really enjoyed it, especially And now, with what he calls getting Neil and Frank’s articles. HalfALoC is Eric Mayer! I’m a big fan of writing about film, Chris, which is why I was going to be Just a note to let you know I’m a Film Historian (though the job still around and to chide you for that requirements are much stiffer than remark on your Drink Tank cover. No. I could have imagined. I didn’t think you’d be burned out by Frank’s tale of his movie making My Date now. I thought you’d be burned out six enterprise not only brings me up to months ago. date on what he’s doing, but brings I’ve been writing too much. As I mentioned in my Vegas back fond memories of my one little That’s probably strange to hear com- article, I’m a big guy, but I’ve got film for a photography class in about ing from me, but it’s true. I haven’t had remarkable stamina! sixth grade. We were told to make time for much other than writing and I almost left a comment on a one reel (super 8 - yes, that was watching Evelyn. But now...well, now Charles Stross’ blog, by the way. I cutting edge) silent and we ended up I’ve got a date. don’t read sf but I was interested with a two reel (super 8) complete It’s set up for next week. It’s in his thoughts on second-person with sound (via a tape recorder, which dinner and perhaps a movie, nothing narrative because that’s the default only synched up ONCE - during the overly fancy, but she’s a nice girl (with for computer text adventures. Hell, I premier in class!). It was a silly story the Fake Red Hair like you see above). thought I’d mention it. But I figured combinging elements from “Sleeper” I’m not entirely sure I remember how probably someone already had so I and “Genesis II” (the Roddenberry to go on a first date, but I’m willing to began reading the comments and, show). It even featured a futuristic learn. holy shit! Where is this Garcia not? I version of BART that literally had just Any advice that my Loyal Read- thought you were in Vegas. Or writing opened. It’s long gone now - I haven’t ers. Here’s what I do remember: the about wrestling, or doing a fanzine, or been able to find it in several years. only way to put your arm around a girl staying at some hotel. Oh, and I see Good memories and I always meant to is to fake a yawn and stretch. you posted to the Truefen.net journal do another one. Maybe I will. Hmm. I That is all. too. SaBean’s in Boston huh? Well, have this idea.... that’s great orienteering country, you talking about something accomplished know. Actually there’s a big club in by skill? Strat-O-Matic put clutch San Francisco too. hitting in their game so it must be SaBean’s got a GPS (long story on so. What I don’t get are the fielding why, I’ll try and get her to write it). stats that show guys like Derek Jeter I never read Charlie’s blog, but it to be awful fielders. I mean coaches was mentioned in Cheryl Morgan’s and managers and scouts do nothing Blog on EmCit and I figured I pay a but watch baseball. They see a tens of visit. I met Stross at Con Jose and thousands of balls hit to thousands of he was a nice guy. I had NO IDEA shortstops, hard, soft, here, there and who this scruffy-looking guy was, see what the fielders do with them. I but we talked about the museum don’t see how all those eyes can lie so and I tried to get him to come out badly. for a visit. JT Snow is the perfect clutch I loved Judith’s last ghost story example. His RiSP is .145 higher about the landlady. Did I already say than his batting average over his that? She is really good. Looks beyond career. That’s significant. Humans the obvious. react to stress differently, so clutch Judith is the smartest woman I hitting is measurable by testing know. That’s not to say that the response times while applying other lasses I hang with aren’t varying degrees of stress. The Another Boob Article smart, but Judith just rules. She’s military used to test this (we’ve got by had the good sense to not take some of those notes at the museum M Lloyd me up on dating offers when I because it was a part of the SAGE was single and to take me up on programme). OK, I’m pregnant. That’s been advances when I wasn’t available Hope you get back to e-APA. the theme of the last few months, me for dating. I’ve just written an issue It’s looking like July will see my being pregnant. I mentioned in the only on just that for Claims Department. return! issue of The Drink Tank worth reading, Bill James is a genius. Do you -- I’m horny as hell, but I’ve forgotten read Hardball Times on the web? I just Eric to say that I’m also bustier than ever. found that and it’s full of Jamesean- Blog:http://www.journalscape.com/ So much so that it’s not easy to get type material. Clutch hitting, though, around anymore. My breasts are now is a puzzle. Do batters ever have about twice as large as they were when enough clutch opportunities to tell if things started. It’s a terrible feeling to their performance rises above pure be trapped under your own tits, but it’s chance? Does all that statistical stuff also a little bit erotic. about chance really apply when you’re I’m due in a month called July. It’s not supposed to be this bad yet, My problem was Here’s a fact: Mike but truly, I’m pinned to the bed half- I’m not great in Finnish Swan is a Freak! the-time. I’m flying to the States June yet. I’m not bad, I’ve got by 17th and staying until at least August a hold on conversational Mike Swan first. The Finns are good people, they’e Finnish, but with Chris Garcia very nicely said that I can go and come regards to striking up once said that a pair of back. (If you’re willing to pay for it, a conversation with a boobs is the most deadly there’s no better health care in the beautiful dark-haired- weapon a woman can world than the US. The Finns are good and-stacked Finn Chick, have. This is almost with the Universal insurance, but the I wasn’t sure I was there without question. Look medical care is only so-so). yet. Luckily, she got to at M. She’s huge in the Last week, I managed to sling my me first. chestal region and she’s boobs into the titanium bra I’ve been “You’re pegnant?” never had issues with wearing and made it to Simo’s church, she said, the Finnish finding a partner, even if built in the 1840s. While I was taking accent sometimes it’s only for a very short the shots, I discovered a lovely young making things sound period of time. SaBean’s thing with a chest that was in line with cuter than they actually not a surfboard, but she’s the one I’ve been dragging around. She are? not to the level of M, but was a beautiful girl and with a shape “Yes, but you’re she’s got spunk and she’s that I could find little fault with. I just about the same as me!” I said. not without her charms. approached her and tried to strike up a We talked for a while, even M is always writing about them, conversation. compared bra stories, mostly in mostly because she’s got a great set English unless she didn’t know the and wants to point that out. With the word for something. Despite the fact relationship that her and Jay have that she’s probably an L-Cup, she’s (which isn’t open but it’s certainly not already had a reduction surgery, closed) she can always use the help in and it was a disaster (again, Finnish attracting the ladies/gentlemen. Medicine is years behind expensive I’m 100% certain that Chris US doctoring) and she said that no publishes them because he has all his back pain is as bad as a month on the spank-bank drawings and is looking fucking couch, her words, due to the for articles to put them with. M is operation. We exchanged numbers and certainly happy to put them out (along have hung out a few times with the two with other things) and it lets the great of us and my Simo friends. We even drawings we see every week come out had a seven person party in my bed on and play. Gotta thank both of them for a day I couldn’t walk. That’s my idea the service! of a good time nowadays...partying without having to support my weight! The Continuing Tale of Frank Wu and the Quest to Bring The World Guidolon This Week’s Episode: Is it possible to make a movie and NOT go insane? Is it possible to make a movie cost me my day job? Am I insulting and NOT go insane? or misusing my animators and artists without meaning to? Am I good boss? Current mood: 30% insane. I’ve never run any project a tenth this My animated project “Guidolon big. I was thinking today that the the Giant Space Chicken and Friends images in the animation look slightly Half-Power Half-Hour” (for those who distorted - the people look a little wide, didn’t read the last issue of The Drink maybe 1 or 2 or 3 percent too wide. Tank) is about a giant space chicken making a giant space chicken movie. Is this just my imagination? But he has delusions of grandeur - he Or is it real? thinks he’s a Shakespearean tragic would notice). hero, but really he’s just a giant space Is this a good idea or bad? Am I going to go insane? Or... am I chicken. There’s a fine line between funny and already insane? Am I Guidolon? stupid. I can’t tell where it is anymore. As he makes his movie, Guidolon How far into a quagmire of debt am I When I was originally writing the slowly goes crazy, throwing hissy fits, willing to go to finance this movie? Will Guidolon story - which was published firing his crewmembers for no good spending so much time on Guidolon as a screenplay in the Ditmar-winning reason, driving the love of his life away, literally destroying the film in order to save it, chaotically inserting random elements “just to get it done.” Is that what I’m doing? In addition to not sleeping and giving in to the fear that this is all pointless and stupid? I was rushing through working on a side-view of Octuron (the giant space octopus) and I realized that I had no idea what he looked like from that angle. I decided at the last moment that his head should be shaped like Henry Kissinger’s nose (like anyone saw the Light,” and that’s it. and shoot people... Then there’s “American Movie,” “Burden of Dreams” is similar which I would not recommend to “Hearts of Darkness”, though less to creative people with well-known. They are all thematically insecurity problems. Nor would tied to the Joseph Conrad novel, “Heart I recommend to the weak-willed of Darkness,” as is Herzog’s “Aguirre, the various Woody Allen movies Wrath of God.” Herzog’s “Fitzcarraldo” about Woody Allen making is about the attempt to bring opera Woody Allen movies. (read: “civilization” or “white man’s burden”) to the Amazon basin (read: Then there’s the Belgian Congo). In order to build an documentary, “Burden opera house, they need a riverboat of Dreams,” about the to run supplies back and forth. The Werner Herzog slowly going problem is that only part of the river insane in the jungle making is navigable - and in order to get the “Fitzcarraldo.” And my personal ship there, they need to enlist masses anthology “Daikaiju! Giant Monster favorite, “Hearts of Darkness,” Tales,” edited by Robert Hood and of people (read: too many of us) to pull about Francis Ford Coppola slowly the massive ship from one nearby river Robin Pen - I drew inspiration from going insane in the jungle making watching, alternately, monster movies up and over a massive hill to the other “Apocalypse Now.” “Hearts” contains river. and movies about making movies. the quintessential Coppola quotation There are a lot more of the latter than I about going insane making a movie: Both the film and the making-of thought. A true classic is Fellini’s “8 “There were too many of us, we had film center around this Herculean task. 1/2.” access to too much equipment, too And bit by bit, Herzog slowly goes People ask me where the name much money, and little by little we insane. The ship keeps sinking into “Guidolon” comes from. Here’s your went insane.” Coppola goes from highs the mud instead of gliding against answer. “Lon” is the standard name to lows with incredible speed, (quoted gravity up the hill like it’s supposed suffix meaning “giant monster” (like as) exulting in one breath that this to. (Though I don’t know why they Megalon) and Guido is the troubled would be the first film to win a Nobel didn’t think of just mixing in raw Italian movie director standing in Prize, and then collapsing in fear that concrete mix directly into the mud to for Fellini. “And God Spoke...” is a the film will never get finished. The harden it.) Ropes keep breaking, the relatively obscure making-of movie, lead actor, Martin Sheen, has a heart ship is just too heavy. And then a but I have a copy because a friend attack. small crew actually dies while making of mine, Gary Rubenstein, from high Marlon Brando is woefully out of the movie, when a helicopter crashes. school, has one line in it. He plays a shape. Typhoons destroy the sets. They That guilt had to weigh heavily guy trying out for the role of a narrator borrow military helicopters from on Herzog, as did perhaps the in a Bible epic, and he says, “And God dictator Ferdinand Marcos, but then responsibility for Sheen’s heart attack. Marcos wants them back to actually go Do they cut their losses or do NEEDED to go into the mosquito- and leech-infested jungle. I didn’t need to make Guidolon. Or do I? Is it a more frightful nightmare to make a movie, or to NOT make a movie? To the creative person, which is worse? On the Subject of Herzog... I seriously hope that Frank isn’t turning into Werner Herzog, because that would make me Klaus Kinski and that’s not a good posi- tion to be in. On the set of Aguirre, Wrath of God, Kinsky was in rough shape they finish the project to honor the crash while making my movie... or die and wasn’t giving Herzog the per- dead and of cancer like much of the cast of the formance he was expecting. The two injured? John Wayne epic “The Conqueror,” squabbled and the story goes that The worse part is the constant filmed thoughtfully close to nuclear Herzog forced Kinski to perform at nagging question: Should I throw in testing grounds. Hopefully the the barrel of a gun he kept behind the towel? Other people have time to scientists are right and my animators the camera, which explains Kinski’s lounge around watching “Veronica aren’t all being blasted by killer terror-filled gaze in several shots. Mars” and floating in swimming pools. radiation from staring at computer Now, I don’t think Frank owns I don’t - gotta go make an animatable screens. any firearms (and the Herzog story puppet, gotta go fix the backgrounds The novel “Heart of Darkness” may not quite be true), but still, if so they work, gotta go cut the audio visits and re-visits this idea of a I hear him slipping into a German track together, gotta go arrange “Choice of Nightmares.” Indeed, we all accent, I’m leaving the recording publicity materials, gotta go... have a choice. Herzog and Coppola station. I love being Guidolon, but a Hopefully, though, no one will didn’t need to make their movies. crazed director is too dangerous! have a heart attack or die in a chopper None of these crazy white people really I got Punk’d and I got My Revenge! group’s recent Femme Non-Official- tards! I’m a member of a group at work Leader Alana in Dominos two series to Now, I swear Vendetta on them called the Committee for Parties and one) and after that, I checked my mail. all and have made my first strike. I Unity (CPU, in a delicous pun). We’re I went looking for Alana and discov- chose Alana (because she’s a delightful the young folks of the museum and we ered that she wasn’t around. Neither girl and the two of us have a friendly get together and set up parties, have was Mira (Alana’s sidekick), Vinh (The rivalry) and I decided to wrap many events and play dominos. We’re a fun IT rep and a nice guy who we gently of the items in her cube in newspaper bunch and we’ve really made the office mock), Tom (who’s real name is Tanh) and some wrapping paper. I was think- a lot more entertaining. We’re also all and Christa (who is not CPU, but is an ing of filling it with beachballs, but this smart-asses and all have a streak of Intern). I discovered them as I went to was a much funner idea. I recorded the wild fun. my car. They were having a good time locations of the objects, then wrapped Every Friday, we go out to lunch. outside, which made me worry a bit, them in paper, including a glass Alana We actually have lunch together pretty but after playin’ around for a bit, I was had left half-full of water. I only did much every day, but Fridays are our calmed. I got in my car and confetti one section (her computer, the key- big day. This week, we went to Chevy’s spews out at me from my Air-Condi- board, the mouse, her paperclip car- and had a lovely time. We got back tioning vents. They had filled it. Bas- riers, her stapler, her tape dispenser and had our CPU meeting (I beat the (after I used her tape to tape the things myself rules: Nothing in the drawers together in a bit of irony), her in-boxes, (though I did completely cover one of one of her pen holders (with each pen her rolling filing cabinets) and nothing and scissors individually-wrapped), person except for a single photo that and of course her chairs. she has on her desk. I didn’t want to She has three chairs and I put hurt anything, I just wanted to annoy several layers on each of them and her with a bit of Tomfoolery. one, the main one she sits in, has at I’m writing this on Saturday, least five layers of newspaper, a piece about an hour after I finished. I am of Happy Birthday wrapping paper and win, and now I have four more devilish a bow on top I wrapped everything I schemes to deploy. Any ideas? Lemme could (I ran out of paper) and I gave know and I’ll do them!
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