Coping with Loss and Grief
Everyone goes through the different stages of grieving when losing someone or something they love. Mourning
takes place from the point we receive the news, face it, digest it and move on through life with the emotional pain. All
human beings goes through the. I came to understand the five stages of normal grief by reading “On Death and
Dying”, written by Elsabeth Kubler-Ross.
In the 1969 publication, Kubler-Ross explained that the five stages does not necessarily happen in the order . It is
normal to move between stages before one accepts the idea of death. Death might inspire you to appreciate life in a
better way. Everyone copes with loss and grief in their own way and time frame, it is okay if you do not follow the
sequence. It just comes as a guide to help you understand where you are at that very moment.
1. Isolation and Denial
It is perfectly normal to initially deny the reality that your best friend died of cancer. But it
does not mean we are not coping with grief .This defense mechanism cushions the
immediate shock. It is best to give the griever some time alone or space to digest the
In coping with grief, anger may be directed to people around them or even objects.This is because we are upset
that the person ( or pet ) is leaving us behind thus causing us pain. When grandfather died, I felt angry that my fishing
friend left me. Then I felt guilty for being angry, and it made me angrier. I screamed at the doctor for not saving him.
Only when the anger subsided, did the doctor approached my family to explain the situation.
When a terrible sickness occurs to a person dear to us, we feel helpless and try our best to regain control. Thoughts
of what could have been better had we sought another doctor’s opinion, had we gone to the hospital sooner, had we
been more careful when driving... as if trying to bargain with God to postpone the sickness or death.
There are two types of depression when coping with loss and grief. The first is associated with the preparation and
cost of the medical treatment or burial. I always remind everyone to buy health insurance; it lifts that burden out of our
loved ones and other expenses that may take place such as bank loans, children’s education and so forth. The latter
is associated with our own emotions to prepare us and say goodbye to the dearly departed. If we are visiting the
family of the deceased, we say “ Sorry for your loss ” and give a sincere hug or hand shake.
Not everyone can reach to this point. Death comes unexpectedly in a flash,some may never reach through the third
or fourth stage.We must try to remind the person coping with grief to give themselves the chance to “make peace”
with the departed. That is why a “wake” is considered as one of the healthy ways to grieve, as to give opportunity
for everyone to make their peace and bid farewell to the deceased.
Coping with loss and grief is very painful for almost everyone. Only God can understand what you feel inside. As
the living, you must allow yourself to feel the grief and let time heal. Resisting it only will prolong the pain of losing a
loved one, and may effect our mental health.