E X PAT WORLD
“the newsletter of international living”
FOR THE POST 911 WORLD
Bringing You the World in a Way you’ve Never Seen Before
Vol. 24. No.2 www.expatworld.net and www.expatworld.org October 2011
A WORKABLE SOLUTION TO A EUROPEAN
UNION RESIDENCY AND CITIZENSHIP/PP
Over the years Expat World has been asked if they -90 days? Citizenship? Yes. Three years. Better to get the
could help in getting a legal residency in a European residency in Estonaia and then go to the EU country you
country, particularly the EU. Unless you had some ethnic really want to live in and let your time run there or get
parent background there were only a few programs over your citizenship in your new country. Visit to country re-
the years. BUT one needed a wallet with million dollar quired. Name change? Must use same name as in another
bills in it, or close to it, in funds to pull it off. Different passport. Police Record? Not yet! Hurry before they
schemes, different amounts but unless you were in the change their mind.
super rich category and had a real need to be in Europe, About Estonia . . . An old Soviet Bloc high-latitude
they weren't for the economically upper middle class per- country on the Baltic Sea with Latvia to the south and
son. Well all that has changed. Finland to the north, Russia to the East. Directly to the
EW put one of it's main staffers on it, Captain Jack, west of Estonia is Sweden across the Baltic Sea. It's re-
who found andvetted and Estonia Residency Program. garded as a very livable country. It's not particularly cheap
It's ready to go, so if you fit theperson in the article to live there; nor is it outrageously expensive. It is full of
following, get hold of Captain Jack at: culture. It has very cold winters. Nice summers. Is well
firstname.lastname@example.org and he will be your captain thought of which is what matters from a potentialresident's
on the high seas to Estonia. point of view, right?
For a map click here (or copy and paste into your
E X PAT W O R L D ' S browser's heading): http://www.atlapedia.com/online/maps/polit-
VETTED ESTONIA ical/Scandinavia.htm
PROGRAM About the Program
Summary: Non-governmental fees, lawyer fees and Below is an excerpt taken straight from the Estonian
hand-holding: $15,000. Extractable (as in you can get it
residency information page: A residence permit for un-
back quickly) investment, $25,000. Time frame 60-days
dertaking business in Estonia may be issued to an alien
who owns shares in a company or acts as a sole proprietor
INSIDE THIS ISSUE if the company or the sole proprietor is registered in the
2Bits & Pieces - Robber Barrons Estonian Commercial Register and if the business is nec-
2Travel - Fund your Travel through Blogging essary for the national interest of developing the Estonian
2Flag 6 Report - CyberSpace economy and the settlement of the alien is important for
22011 Retirement Index the business.
The fields and, if necessary, the territory of activities,
2Around the World with Expat World
shall be determined in the residence permit for business.
2Expat World’s - World of Privacy The company or the sole proprietor is required to have
2International Snips and Clips a businessplan which states the character andrange of the
2Consult with the Experts business, number of staff, necessary qualification and
2Pandoras Box know-how of the staff. An alien may be granted a resi-
dence permit for business if:
• the alien has invested in Estonia a capital sum of
2Lessons in History 1,000,000 kroons under his/her control in the case of a
2Crapper Rapper company;
• the alien has invested in Estonia a capital sum of EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the best program in 20
250,000 krooni under his/her control in the case of a sole years to get EU residency/citizenship/pp. It is limited in
proprietor. numbers so if you want in, get back to Cap'n Jack now
• The number of aliens immigrating to Estonia is lim- and start making plans. Contact Cap'n Jack at:
ited. The annual immigration quota is the quota for aliens email@example.com. Estonia in the subject heading.
immigrating to Estonia which shall not exceed 0.1 per
cent of the permanent population of Estonia annually. The
immigration quota does not apply to you if you are:
• a citizen of the European Union, Norway, Iceland,
Switzerland, the United States of America or Japan;
• an Estonian.
Be advised, there are a few other details that also must
be met like showing a minimum amount of income for
the previous 6 months and proof of health insurance, but
the minimums are very easy to meet. Currently the USD
to EEK exchange rate is approximately 12eek = USD $1.
So for someone interested in registering a sole propri-
etorship you would need to deposit about USD $21,000
in an Estonian bank. If you want to start a bigger company,
you would need to deposit about USD $84,000. Keep in
mind, this is not a cost, this is your money in your account.
Unlike some of the other residency programs out there ROBBER BARONS
Estonia does not require a large state fee. You will also This month EW takes you to the Robber Barrons of the planet
notice there is a restriction on who this residency program Earth-- the bankers who have taken this planet in 2012 to the
applies to. But for US citizens looking to diversify their edge of economic destruction, plus Wall Street types and Gov-
wealth and plant another flag outside of the US, the Es- ernment lackies. Comments provided by smart and educated im-
tonian program is a very, very good option. portant people:
Of course the big question is “why?” Because financial
and geographic diversification is a great way to insure BANKING establishments are more dangerous than standing
your safety and wealth. When traveling smart expats use armies.
ONLY their Estonia identification. This may be silly, but THOMAS JEFFERSON
it just gives peace of mind knowing that residency and
citizenship are in different countries. An ideal situation A BANK is a confidence trick. If you put up the right signs,
would be to have your business registered in one country, the wizards of finance themselves will come in and ask you to
your investments in one country, your residency in one take their money.
country, and your citizenship(s), in yet another. This gives CHRISTINA STEAD
you freedom movement and diversification of your wealth.
Can you imagine how an overzealous, ambulance chasing A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when
attorney would attack you financially if you were an the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
American citizen, with Estonian residency, banking in MARK TWAIN
Sweden, with your business registered in Belize and your
investment portfolio managed in Luxembourg? This is a What is robbing a BANK compared with founding a bank?
first-rate country and a first rate program. BERTOLT BRECHT
Cap'n Jack who speaks like the international lawyer
he is says: Name change: An interesting approach is to The best way to rob a BANK is to own one.
have your name changed in your home country but not in WILLIAM CRAWFORD
the county you live in. You can usually do this by mail if
you want to play your own lawyer. Take the court order The STOCKBROKER services his clients in the same way
and get the right stamps on it to please your Estonian that Bonnie and Clyde serviced banks.
lawyer and submit it with your application. The reason WILLIAM BERNSTEIN
for the name change is to go back to your original family
name and then make the name sort of "Estonian." I hope October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to
I don't have to tell you that you don't change your name speculate in STOCKS. The others are july, January, September,
on one damned thing in the country you're leaving. In April, November, May, March, June, December, August and-
your old country you're as you were. In your EU country February.
you're as you will be. Got it? MARK TWAIN
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 2 October 2011
I helped put two children through Harvard - my BRO- FINANCE is the art or science of managing revenues
KER'S children. and resources for the best advantage of the manager.
MICHAEL LL BOEUF AMBROSE BIERCE
With an evening coat and a white tie, even a STOCK If you bet on a horse, that’s gambling. If you bet you
BROKER can gain a reputation for being civilized. can make three spades, that’s entertainnent. If you bet
OSCAR WILDE cotton will go up three points, that’s BUSINESS. See the
I am told that today a Wall Streeter no longer uses WILLIAM "BLACKIE" SHERROD
“BROKER” as the verb form, but instead endeavors to
“broke a security.” One reason I’m not rich is that I am CORPORATION, n. An ingenious device for ob-
broker-phobic. I assume they are always tying to unload taining individual profit without individual respon-
dreck on people like me and lining up something under- sibility.
handedly predetermined for insiders: If it ain’t fixed, don’t AMBROSE BIERCE
ROY BLOUNT JR. I spent my youth worrying about CORPORATE
power. Now I worry about corporate incompetence.
An out-of-town visitor was being shown the wonders JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH
of the New York financial district. When the party arrived
at the Battery, one of his guides indicated some handsome Nobody talks more of FREE ENTERPRISE and
ships riding at anchor. He said, “Look, those are the competition and of the best man winning than the man
BANKERS' and BROKERS' yachts.The naive customer who inherited his father’s store or farm.
asked: Where are the customers’ yachts?” C. WRIGHT MILLS
The business of GOVERNMENT is to keep the gov-
FINANCE is the art of passing money from hand to ernment out of business -- that is, unless business needs
hand until it finally disappears. government aid.
ROBERT W. SARNOFF WILL RODGERS
FUND YOUR TRAVELS THROUGH BLOGGING
or BLOGGING FOR DOLLARS
I’ve been riding an ostrich in more and more amazing places each year. Sure beats any
South Africa, kayaking down a day in a "typical office."
river in Laos, catching piranha Her story and tips: I started blogging really about a
in the Amazon, scuba diving year and a half ago but the first 6 months or so I treat my
with the great manna rays in blog much like a diary. I up-loaded a few pictures now
Yap, traveling the silk route and again but mostly talked about life in the Caribbean. I
from Beijing to Istanbul by train, playing on the white was making no money on the blog and it really hadn’t
sand beaches of Bora Bora among just a few adventures entered my mind to do so.. But when money got tight, so
in the 142 countries I’ve lived in, worked in, visited or tight that when my domain name and hosting plan came
made love in. And I have funded much of that travel up for renewal I decided not to renew and let it drop. I
through my websites and newsletters to travelers but what then read a short article on how to make money on travel
I haven’t done and will shortly is to fund my travels at blogs or as they say in the business monetizing it, and it
least partially through blogging. Look out in the near fu- hyped me to start again. I registered a new site and was
ture for the blog site: www.expatwanderer.com. You will
anxious to get started for I felt I had a lot to offer the
find it amusing and full of over 40 years of travel adven-
world. So if you’re at that state, low on funds and wanting
tures seen through the eyes of an expat.
to offer your experiences to the world start by document-
I have a friend who is helping me out to get started
ing all your travels in a notebook with basic notes, times
with a travel blog website. She has become successful
with her travel blog in just a year or so, already netting places, etc so when you start writing a blog you have an
$1500 to $2000 a month while spending just a little time instant list to get the memory cranked up.
each day while traveling or sitting on her back porch in Blogging can be lucrative but you must at first put
sunny Key West, Florida updating her blogs. This same some time and energy into it until you’re rolling, have
residual income each month has kept her traveling to advertisers and have an audience built up.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 3 October 2011
Here are some tips that will save you much time, effort • USE THE SOCIAL MEDIA --- The vast majority
and money: of popular bloggers use Facebook, Twitter, Stumble Upon,
• RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH --- If Oh My and other social media. They have thousands of
you are a web-savvy writer, your goal of making your Twitter followers, an active Facebook fan page, use Stum-
mark and money on the web is going to be easier but ble religiously and conquer Google +1 before most do.
even if you can’t write a shopping list still spend several It’s a good idea to pick a few social networking sites to
hours familiarizing yourself with "Google" vocabulary focus on and read bestpractice articles and case studies
and strategy. You’ll want to find out about SEO (search before you get started. Mashable.com is a good site for
engine optimization), linkbuilding techniques, Wordpress this.
and PR (that stands for page rank). Two of the best the • HELP YOUR FELLOW BLOGGERS --- Help
overall resource for new bloggers can be found at: Others to Help Yourself. One of the really nice things
Problogger.net and Copyblogger.com. about the blogosphere is that there is room for everyone.
• FIND A NICHE --- When you get into travel blog- One of the most important parts of blogging is getting to
ging, you’re going to find many in the way of competitors. know the people in your field, both seasoned professionals
You have to be able to offer something different, a niche and newcomers. The easiest way to do this with Twitter.
if you will. Maybe, make your blog specific to travel on It may seem counter productive promoting others in your
a Social Security check, traveling with small children, field via social media but by doing this you can also ben-
river travel, train travel, traveling on a shoestring budget, efit by having your work promoted as well. I call this
etc, etc. Let your mind be your imagination. Choosing a cross pollination. It’s wise to build a network of people
small niche will help to define your audience, get adver- who can be called upon for advice and ideas with recip-
tisers who fit the niche, define your voice on the internet. rocal benefits in most cases.
You will be jumping for joy when the first advertiser con- • SHOW ME THE BREAD --- There are many ways
tacts you, but do negotiate with the advertiser over rates to monetize your blog. Some are more kosher than others.
and don’t do what I did with the first advertiser I was The first thing that many people try is by using Google
contacted by — accepted a sucker’s rate of 4 times less adsense where Google pays you to put some ads on your
than the real going rate! site and you get paid a percentage per click. You can also
• AD VALUE TO YOUR ARTICLES, called posts take the affiliate route where you write a review or in-
in blogging terms. Make the posts something more than fomercial about a product or service or place a banner on
something only your mother would read. Provide info your site and receive a percentage of the sales after a cus-
that saves the traveler money, provides for his safety, tomer clicks on the link at your site. There is also the ad-
shows him places that are not in the typical guide books, vertiser who will pay you a set amount of money to put
alert him to tourist scams, anything where there is a per- some advertising on your site each month.
ceived value to your posts. You’ll soon be known as some- Getting advertiser on your site is a bit tricky when
one that knows what he’s talking about and providing in- you first start. You will probably be contacted first by
valuable information. someone who has seen your site and thinks it’s appropriate
• BE A HEADLINE FREAK --- This is also some- for their product but you should also chase advertisers if
times called selling the sizzle and not the steak. Even if you are doing a certain blog that fits with their product or
you have a good product (good content), you have mere service. You can sometimes get contacts from fellow blog-
seconds to capture the readers/visitors attention to the site gers or buddies. Before accepting paid advertisements
before he clicks off to somewhere else. You have very you should review Google’s Webmaster Guidelines so as
little time to make an impression. What site would you not to be violating any rules.
stay on, having the choice between headlines: Shopping A great resource for monetizing your blog is found at
in Singapore or Five Secrets to Cheap Bargains in Singa- SmartPassiveIncome.com. And also Viperchill.com. So
pore Where You Won’t Get Ripped -Off. You get the idea. you’re now ready to go "Blogging for Dollars."
Our friends at the QWealth Report are holding
their first-ever event in Hong Kong this Octo-
ber, covering concrete strategies for freedom,
asset protection, privacy,second citizenships,
precious metals, offshore bank accounts and
the like. Visit their site for information (click
on ‘Events’) and you can also sign up for their
free reports on Gold and Asset Protection.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 4 October 2011
Flag 6 Repor t
PTO - A Way to a Good Life Anywhe re on the Globe
by Intrepid Web Marketer
The ultimate Portable Trade or Occupation (PTO) is • Find the right merchant service provider for order-
an internet business. Yet it’s a tough one for many to get ing. Take note that PayPal is easy and it’s changed since
started and keep active. This regular EW column is to they days when everyone hated it. It has decent cus-
supply ideas and support for what is the 21st century tomer service and has simple buyer and merchant inter-
method of making a steady income from anywhere on faces and great prices.
the Globe. Check it out. At worst you should open a PayPal ac-
Every single PT needs one of these. There are no ex- count and use it as a backup. The Intrepid Web Marketer
ceptions unless you’re “set” and, then, God bless you. is constantly searching for alternatives and will advise
Oh, and call me. We could become much better friends! subscribers of whatever he finds that works. And YOU
Whether you’re selling a cool hard product or digital should always have an alternative already in place and
download; or whether you’re an affiliate or whether ready to plug-in if your present merchant service
you’re getting a referral commission from ginning or- provider goes nuts on you. Our backup for now is
ders, you want to be operating in this space -- cyber- moneybookers.com.
space. If you’re stuck in a country you want out of or an • IMPORTANT: if you experience sudden success (a
area you want out of, this is the ultimate security that spike in sales) NOTIFY THE SECURITY / COMPLI-
you can pick and move and never lose a day’s pay. By ANCE PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY at your merchant
setting up where and how you get paid, you can control service provider and tell them that you’re in the middle
where the money ends up. of a promotion and it looks like it’s working. Even PayPal
Here is some advice from the Intrepid Web Marketer has such a department. The customer service rep may not
who’s had ten years of hard marketing experience in the acknowledge that there is such a department. There is.
cyber-world. Talk to a supervisor until you get through. Do NOT take
• Brand yourself and your product early and often. “no problem” or “I’ll make a note of that” for an answer.
Branding is where the same product and name starts em- Only the security department can give you that assurance.
bedding itself into internet search engines. It takes time You do NOT want your account frozen in the middle of a
unless you resort to “expensive” and unpredictable-re- winning streak! And that is also why you want a backup
sults search engine optimizers (SEOs). Unpredictable is to swing into place seamlessly if there is a “problem.”
a code word for they often don’t work or don’t work for This one piece of advice is worth a hundred years of a
long enough to justify the expense. subscription to the Expat World Newsletter. The Intrepid
• Blogging still works. Writing comments on related Web Marketer has known merchant services to freeze
blogs that talk about your product in the third person $250,000 in the middle of a winning campaign.
DOES help move up your rankings. • Make sure you don’t do something stupid to get
• Getting affiliates gets you noticed. you noticed by a state or country’s regulatory agency.
• Getting other sites to link to your product works to “Curative” health claims can get you in trouble quickly.
boost rankings. Selling products or information to kids requires you us-
• Spot-on domain names and metatags work. Look, ing an attorney who knows what they’re doing. Adult
making the domain name REALLY describe your prod- material always requires a lawyer.
uct, even if the name is unwieldy, should be at least • The best $99.95 you can spend for your internet
ONE of your urls. You can find something simple for business is for a product called
folks to write you at, but for getting noticed, you want a “The Complete Website Legal Guide”
descriptive url. For instance, one of your domain names www.internetlawcompliance.com/indexEW.html
could be: theworldsgreatestwaterbed.com but your — a digital download. It comes with all the Privacy
email address could be sales @ waterworld.com. Policy, User Agreement, Purchase Agreement, and Dis-
• There is talk that the e-commerce is becoming m- claimers you’ll need to meet the laws in almost all coun-
commerce. M for mobile as iPhones and iPads become tries. The product is clearly the #1 web seller and has
information seeking and ordering devices, too. Make sold in all English speaking countries and over 25 other
sure your product interfaces — as soon as you find trac- countries. All forms are editable for your needs. You do
tion. NOT want your success to be taken away for not fol-
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 5 October 2011
lowing a regulation that’s easy to follow if you
knowhow. The best thing about “The Complete Website INTERESTED IN A COPY OF PTO
Legal Guide” is that it is not a legal treatise. It’s written (PortableTrades and Occupations) go to:
by a lawyer who quit day-to-day lawyering and who www.expatworld.net/ascolibooks
struggles like you as an internet marketer. He’s devel-
oped tricks to turn legal requirements into sales boosting
tools. The book is about 200 pages of useful information.
It even includes a VAT Report. Easy to read and highly 2011 Retir ement Index
recommended. Do NOT go into business without this
book or another like it. Or without seeing a lawyer who Thanks to our friends at International
knows what s/he’s doing. Beware – such lawyers are as Living we present their finding for the:
rare as hen’s teeth.
• Don’t give up! You may find instant success or you Best Places to Retire in 2011
may have to grind it out like 90% of folks on the web.
TIME IN BUSINESS MATTERS. The sheer amount
of time you keep trying will start to raise you in search
engines. Try any and everything. Different domain
names can (usually with out a site-host fee) resolve to
the same website and display the referring domain name,
not the landing page domain name. It’s technical name is
“masking.” Look into it.
This one tip is worth another 50 years of Expat
• There are two basic ways to sell via the internet: #1
is to sell something YOU want to sell (that is, find buy-
ers who want what you’re selling) and #2 is to sell some-
thing people want to buy (like cheap electronics which
usually ranks #1). Sometimes #1 and #2 are the same.
Most times they’re different. #1 is always harder to
covert to sales than #2. The challenge with #2 (the mar- This index was based on 37 different data points, 8 catego-ries
ket-stand by the side of a busy highway) is to get people all weighted and local experts. Some of the major cat-egories
being: cost of living including housing and foodprices, cli-
to choose your stand. The market is already proven to be
mate, culture. lifestyles available, safety,healthcare, etc.High-
hot and motivated. Your job is to get your share. There lights of the Top 4 places.
are a lot of “get rich overnight” programs that look like
1. ECUADOR -- One of the most affordable countries in the
they’ll help promote #1 but in the end they only help #2.
world. A two beddroom apartment in a historic centergoes for
Beware! They all sound great and all come with a about $225 per month.You can live well on $600 per month
money-back guarantee. As soon as you find the $49 and like royalty for double that. You can pickyour climate from
product leads to a $199 product pitch that leads to a tropical to rather cold or just perpetualspring.
$1999 hand-holding seminar, it’s probably time to think 2. MEXICO -- White sand beaches, old Spanish colonial cities
about getting a refund while you still can. 99% of these but with solid modern day comforts and conveniences.Good
are made to force YOU into their mold of money mak- internet and phone structure, good cheap health care,slower
ing. That is, #2. If this is exciting, go for it. It’s not. Go pace of life combined with spending about 40%less for the
get your refund. Fast. same lifestyle in Mexico as the USA makesMexico a good
In future issues of Expat World's FLAG SIX will ex- choice.
plore each of these issues in detail. See you next issue. 3. PANAMA -- Best retirement benefits for all retirees com-
You can write the Intrepid Web Marketer via the sup- ing in. Best hopspital in Central America. Has beach, moun-
port ticket system www.expatworld.net/support by tain or even hi-rise livingi n the only true city in
CentralAmerica, your choice. Friendly people and English
choosing the “Intrepid Web Marketer” in the
readilyunderstood and used. Not the cheapest place in the in-
“Help/Topic” drop-down menu and it will get to him dexbut at $1500 a month youcan live a good life in PanamaC-
within 24 hours. Questions will be answered privately ity.
but Q&As may be posted in EW’s FAQ section or in this 4. SPAIN -- Spain has been for a long time a favorite destina-
section (keeping your name private), of course, or our tion for Europeans retiring. Beaches, golfing, 320 daysof sun-
FAQ in the members area. Comments are subject to a shine, cheap wine and realtively cheap eating out as well as
moderator but will likely be posted unless you wish us rental apartments in the "Costa" beach towns goingfor $400-
not to do so. 600 a month. Different lifestyles depending onwhich area you
decide to live in.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 6 October 2011
leisure industry. Then again, it does not have to. As North
AROUND Korea's latest venture into the tourism business, it need
not concern itself with rivals. There are none! The trick,
THE WORLD as its operators conceded, will be to attract enough vaca-
WITH EXPAT Desperate for foreign currency, officials in secretive
North Korea are trying to lure tourists to holiday cruises
WORLD along the length of the impoverished country's east coast.
This month, a trial run by the rusty Mangyongbong was
completed in 43 trying hours at sea. More than 200 people
GERMANY -- BONN STREET WALKERS TO BE were packed into dim and musty cabins, sometimes eight
TAXED VIA CONVERTED PARKING METERS -- The to a room with mattresses on the floor. Chinese tourists
German city of Bonn has introduced "parking meters" and businesspeople shared quarters with North Korean
for prostitutes in an attempt to tax the world's oldest pro- officials and foreign journalists. The inaugural cruise pre-
fession. Prostitutes working the streets of the old West sumably had support at the highest levels in Pyongyang.
German capital now have to buy tickets from converted The organizer, Taepung International Investment Group,
roadside vending machines that once dispensed tickets to falls under the National Defense Commission, which an-
drivers. A night's ticket will cost ($8.00), irrespective of swers directly to the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il.
the number of clients they have. The machines also tell The price for the trip was about $470 for the 5 day trip
users the times of day when a ticket is necessary: Between down the peninsula. The return part of the trip took 22
8.15Pm and 6am daily. hours . On arriving close the departure port and just before
A Bonn city council spokeswoman said the move is a departure lunch of instant noodles, the harbor at Rajin
"an act of tax fairness" as prostitutes in "fixed establish- could be seen. The ship slowly approached the dock and
ments such as brothels and sauna clubs already pay tax". just to keep the tone of the trip intact, a great crashing
Following complaints from residents that their roads and sound was heard. The Mangyongbong (cruise ship) shud-
gardens were being used as locations for sexual acts, the dered like the Titanic for it rammed straight into the dock,
city allocated six closed-off parking places for prostitutes denting seriously the front of the hull and reducing a cor-
and their clients. ner of the structure into a pile of rubble. The captain it
MACAU -- GAMBLING REVENUES SKY- seems was just as anxious to get off this ship as anyone
ROCKET -- Gambling revenue in Macau rose 57 per cent else. The second cruise is indefinately postponed????
last month from August a year earlier to a new record, AUSTRALIA -- MELBOURNE IS THE WORLD'S
boosted by high rollers from mainland China. MOST LIVEABLE CITY -- according to the Economist
Gambling revenue in Macau, the only place in China Intelligence Unit survey. Autralia's second largest city,
where casino gam bling is legal, rose to 24.77 billion pat- Melbourne, has been rated the best city in the world to
acas ($3.0 billion) last month, from 15.77 billion patacas live in, edging ahead of Vancouver, Canada. Melbourne
a year earlier, according to Macau's Gaming Inspection topped the 140 cities with a score of 97.4 percent just
and Coordination Bureau. beating Vancouver at 97.3 percent. The top ten included
Macau overtook the Las Vegas Strip as the world's three other Australian cities: Sydney at 6th, while Perth
biggest gambling market in 2006 and is poised to rake in and Adelaide were in joint 8th position. Among other
five times the Strip's gambling revenue this year. Mean- well know cities Honk Kong was 31st and San Francisco
while, Singapore is set to edge out Las Vegas for the No and Singapore came in 51st. London and New York were
2 position this year. ranked 53rd and 56th respectively.
In Macau, US casino companies Las Vegas Sands, SCOTLAND -- SCOTLAND TO BECOME THIRD
Wynn Resorts and MGM Resorts have been benefiting WORLD ECONOMY BY 2030 -- due to low living stan-
from the strong growth at their local units to offset the dards and a slow economy, economists have warned. Scot-
slow recovery in Las Vegas. Nonetheless, the market's land lacks entrepreneurship, misspends money and suffers
largest operator remains local magnate Stanley Ho's SJM from too much government intervention. The country's
Holdings, which accounts for about a third of Macau's slow growth means that in less of 20 years, it will have
gambling revenue. the same living standards as Korea, Poland and Turkey,
NORTH KOREA -- A RUST BUCKET CRUISE which are rapidly catching up. Scotland will be "merely a
LINER -- It was billed as a cruise ship, but the creaking, Third World tourist destination" by 2030.
nearly 40-year-old vessel that set sail from the remote TRISTAN da CUNHA -- LIFE ON THE WORLD’S-
North Korean town of Rajin had more of the trappings of LONELIEST ISLAND, A TOURIST'S VIEW ---From 50
a tramp steamer. With its cramped cabins, cut-rate cuisine miles, it was a patch of cloud on the blue horizon. From
and foul, water-deprived bathrooms, it was not about to 20 miles, it was a perfect pyramid rising out of an empty
compete anytime soon with Cunard or Carnival in the ocean. Closer, I could see grazing sheep and cattle, a scat-
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 7 October 2011
tering of cottages, and a church or two clinging to a back, and there most have stayed.
meadow at the base of an enormous, still-sputtering vol- Island life is so simple and so remote from the concerns
cano. of what the older citizens—some of whom still speak in
The isolated speck I was about to visit was Tristan da an old-fashioned manner with “thee”s and “thou”s— call
Cunha, a lingering possession of the Britisg Empire and “the houtside warl.” The women tend to perform the cler-
the world’s most isolated inhabited island.Tristan da ical and retail jobs. They keep the books, run the shop,
Cunha is actually an archipelago of four islands, but only pub, and post office and knit sweaters and socks from the
one+\called Tristan da Cunha Island — is inhabited. Home abundant local wool. The men handle the basic trades,
to 269 residents, it is located in the far South Atlantic, and each family does its own baking and butchering.
over 2000 miles, or six days’ sailing, from the coast of Thirty-eight of the island’s inhabitants are employed
Brazil and almost 1750 miles from the nearest coastline as fishermen. When the village bell tolls to announce that
of South Africa. the weather is clement enough for an official fishing day,
Tristan da Cunha Island was settled in 1816 by British the men take off on boats to hunt for giant crawfish in the
marines sent to guard Napoleon, who was in exile on St. deep ocean. Because the South Atlantic is so stormy, only
Helena, 1300 miles to the north. When the garrison left 65 to 70 days every year are suitable for fishing.
16 months later, one marine chose to remain. He was Crawfish tails are Tristan’s main export. The seafood
is processed and sent to Cape Town and on to Japan and
joined over time by sailors from passing ships and ship-
New York, where it fetches sizable sums. Still, the is-
wrecks— and imported woman Hagan, Swain,
landers are not rich by any means.
Rogers,Green, Lavarello, Repetto, and Glass. Because of "We know about the outside world," says a girl in the
intermarriage, many of them look strikingly similar—— internet cafe, hammering away at an email to a pen-friend.
tall with pale brown skin. We see videos and are quite up to date. The boys follow
THE ONLY WAY TO get into Tristan’s tiny harbor is football. If it wasn’t for the internet, this would be a very
to be brought in on a longboat. A group of passengers lonely place."
from our small cruise ship opted to go. Riding in on UNITED KINGDOM -- UK PATIENTS TO BE EX-
choppy waves, we experienced a, moment of sheer terror AMINED ON SKYPE -- Patients in the United Kingdom
before the harbor wall enfolded us, the waters quieted, will be able to hold online consultations with doctors as
and muscular hands reached down to haul us onto land. A part of plans to technologically revolutionize the National
guide with a battered bus took us to the island’s sole set- Health Service (NHS), according to its medical director.
tlement, Edinburgh-of-the-Seven-Seas. Professor Sir Bruce Keogh said information technology
In Edinburgh, we were shown the local sights— the will "completely change the way we deliver medicine",
British Administrator’s office, an internet cafe, a pub (The making access to doctors at any time a reality and giving
Albatross), a shop, a supermarket, a golf course, a swim- patients the ability to talk to specialists anywhere in the
ming pool, a post office. What you will not find anywhere country.
on Tristan: a movie theater, a restaurant, traffic lights. The health expert told The Times newspaper that he
was looking at using online services such as Skype to
Some of us went up a spur of the volcano, a black fin-
make the NHS more convenient for users.
ger of rock that extends down into a meadow above the
Doctors, leaders and patient groups, however, warned
pub— a reminder of the power beneath the earth. that the Internet should not become a means to cut access
Geologists consider the volcano still active, and at the to doctors or transfer out-of-hours care to overseas call
top we could smell puffs of gas being emitted. “It makes centers, but admitted budget cuts could force the NHS to
a lot of our people sick, all the sulphur,” the guide told rethink the way services are provided.
us. JAPAN -- It’s Not Fun Anymore -- An expat friend's
Above our heads circled petrels and other squalling story of his departing relationship with Japan. "I’ve lived
birds (the archipelago is prized by scientists for its biodi- in Japan for a long time. When I first came here, I liked
versity). And that was about all there was to see on Tristan. living here. Now, I don’t. I haven’t changed. Japan hasn’t
Leading some visitors to wonder: Why would anyone really changed, either. Something else, however, has."
want to live here? "Maybe all three of these things are part of the same
At one point in the last 50 years, ‘in fact, all the is- problem. I live in Tokyo and I have for many years, and
landers were forced to leave. In 1961, the volcano sud- that I do understand that many of the complaints here are
denly exploded, raining rocks and lava and fire on the maybe particular to Tokyo. Maybe if I moved out to Os-
houses. The terrified population of 270 people (the number aka, things would be better. What things, though?
varies little year after year) was eventually taken to Eng- Well it's more than Expat World can tell you here but
land and put up at a disused army base. Even though they we will send you via email a FREE +50 page booklet on
his story entitled: An EXPAT'S TALE OF JAPAN -- Japan
were exposed to the delights of modem technology—
It's Not Fun Anymore! Just send us your email address
cars, phones, elevators, all of which they’d never seen
and ask for "An Expat's Tale of Japan." Send it to
before— they were homesick and voted almost unani- firstname.lastname@example.org. Cap’n Jack will get it to you
mously to return. Two years later, a ship brought them pronto.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 8 October 2011
BIG BROTHER 201
George Orwell in 1984 would have never thought of such methods
for BIG BROTHER to steal our human individual existance. Read
on and learn the newest ways Big Brother governments are treating
you as a commodity to be controlled and manipulated.
TEN New Ways That The Government Will Be
Spying On You And ControllingYour Behavior
Are you ready for Big Brother 201? If you think that one day become mandated by governments. For example,
the hundreds of ways that that BIG BROTHER govern- someday you may berequired to have an “electronic skin
ments watch, monitor, track and control us now are bad, tatoo” in order to prove your identity or to participate in
just wait until you see what is coming. We live in an age commerce. Also, it is not toofar of a stretch to imagine
when paranoia is running wild. As technology continues that “skin-mounted electronics” could be used to control
to develop at an exponential pace, governments all over large populations. Just remember, ifyou connect yourself
the globe aregoing to discover a multitude of new ways physically to the Internet, that also means that the Internet
to spy on us and control our behavior. In a world where is connected to you..
everyone is a“potential terrorist”, we are told that things
like liberty, freedom and privacy are “luxuries” that we 2. According to a shocking document obtained by
can no longer afford.We are assured that if we just allow Oath Keepers, the FBI is now instructing store owners to
the government to watch all of us and investigate all of report manynew forms of “suspicious activity”to them.
us that somehow that willkeep us all safe. But it isn’t just According to the document, “suspicious activity” now
the government that is watching us. Now we are being includes....
taught to spy on one another andto report any trace of
“suspicious activity” to the government immediately. The • paying with cash
entire civilized world is being trans-formed into one giant • missing a hand or fingers
prison grid, and many of the new technologies that are •”strange odors”
now being introduced are going to makethings even worse. • making “extreme religious statements”
The following are 10 new ways that the government will • ”radical theology”
• purchasing weatherproofed ammunition or
be spying on you and controlling yourbehavior.....
• purchasing meals ready to eat
1. Are you ready for “electronic skin tattoos”? One • purchasing night vision devices, night flash-
team of researchers has created an extremely thin, ex- lights or gas masks
tremely flexible“smart skin” that will open up a whole
new world of possibilities. Wearing “skin-mounted elec- According to WorldNetDaily, this document is part of
tronics” might seem likea great idea to tech geeks, but it a “series of brochures” that will be distributed “to farm
also could create a whole lot of new problems. The fol- supplystores, gun shops, military surplus stores and even
lowing is how an article in one UKnewspaper described hotels and motels.”.
this new breakthrough.... The “epidermal electronic sys-
tem” relies on a highly flexible electricalcircuit composed 3. The U.S. military has developed an invisible “pain
of snake-like conducting channels that can bend and ray” that is remarkably effective. The following is how a
stretch without affecting performance. The circuitis about recentarticle posted on Alternet described this weapon....
the size of a postage stamp, is thinner than a human hair It sounds like a weapon out of Star Wars. The Active De-
and sticks to the skin by natural electrostatic forcesrather nial System,or ADS, works like an open-air microwave
than glue. oven, projecting a focused beam of electromagnetic radi-
Yes, this kind of technology would be a great way to ation to heat the skinof its targets to 130 degrees. This
connect wirelessly to the Internet and it would be help- creates an intolerable burning sensation forcing those in
fulfor doctors that need to monitor their patients, but the its path to instinctively flee (aresponse the Air Force dubs
potential for abuse is also there. Once this type of tech- the “goodbye effect”). Sadly, this weapon is already being
nologybecomes widespread, governments will be able to used in American prisons.How long will it be before it is
monitor the location and activities of their citizens like used on the general population?
never before.In addition, this type of technology could 4. Be careful about what you put up on Facebook or
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 9 October 2011
Twitter. Law enforcement agencies all over the globe are data from mostbrands of cell phones. The handheld ma-
now focusingon social media as never before. For exam- chines have various interfaces to work with different mod-
ple, the NYPD has just created a special “social media” els and can even bypasssecurity passwords and access
unit dedicated tolooking for criminals on Facebook and some information.
Twitter. 10. LRAD sound cannons are already been used by
5. Facial recognition technology has now come of law enforcement authorities to disperse large crowds inside
age. With the millions of security cameras that are going the United States. So how much “damage” can sound do?
up all over theworld, such technology is proving to be Well, it turns out that sound can actually do a whole lot
very useful for law enforcement authorities. In fact, police of damage.The following is how Alternet describes these
in London are using itto track down people that were in- cruel weapons....
volved in the London riots. The following is an excerpt The Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, built
from a recent CBC report thatdescribed these efforts.... by American Technology Corporation, focuses and broad-
Facial recognition technology being considered for Lon- casts sound over ranges of up to hundreds of yards. LRAD
don’s 2012 Games is getting a workout in the wake of has been around for years, but Americans first took notice
Britain’s riots, with officers feeding photographs of sus- whenpolice used it in Pittsburgh to ward off protesters at
pects through Scotland Yard’s newly updated face-match- the 2009 G-20 summit.
ing program. Facial recognition technology is rapidly go- It is generally used in two ways: as a megaphone to
ing to become part of our everyday lives. In fact, now order protesters to disperse; or, if they disobey, as an “ear-
even Facebook is using it. Eventually it is going to be- splitting siren” to drive them away.
come very difficult to avoid the reach of this technology. While LRAD may not be deadly, it can permanently
6. “Smart meters” are going into homes all over North damage hearing, depending on how it’s used. LRAD sound
America and Europe. These smart meters monitor your cannons do not discriminate. When they are being used
home every single minute of every single day and they to disperse protesters, any innocent bystanders in the area
transmit very sophisticated data about your personal be- will be affected as well. If anyone gets too close to an
havior back to the utility company. They are already be- LRAD sound cannon while it is in use, permanent damage
ing used by police all over the United States in drug can result. Small children and the elderly are particularly
cases. If a smart meter catches youusing an “unusual” vulnerable. Sadly, the use of LRAD sound cannons is be-
amount of energy there is a good chance that your home coming morecommon. In fact, they have even been used
will be raided. to break up college block parties.
The European Parliament has set a goal of having So is this the kind of world that you want to live in?
smart meters in the homes of 80 percent of all electricity Do you want your children and grandchildren to live in
consumers bythe year 2020, and Barack Obama is working aworld where liberty and freedom are all but forgotten?
very hard to get them into as many American homes as This world is headed toward a very dark place. These
he can. “Big Brother” technologies are going to become even
7. Our children are being trained to accept being under morepervasive and even more oppressive. If this trend is
surveillance almost constantly. For example, the U.S. De- not stopped now, someday these technologies will get
partmentof Agriculture is spending huge amounts of into some veryevil hands, and then all hell will be un-
money to install surveillance cameras in the cafeterias leashed. So what do all of you think about these “Big
of U.S. public schools so that government control freaks Brother” technologies? Pleasefeel free to email a com-
can closely monitor what our children are eating. ment with your opinion to email@example.com
8. Perhaps you thought that only Tom Cruise had to we may use them ANONYMOUSLY, unless you say
worry about “pre-crime”. Well, now “pre-crime” is pop- otherwise, in a follow up article in November's Expat
ping up in the real world too. The Florida State Department World.
of Juvenile Justice has announced that it will begin using
analysis software to predict crime by young delinquents
and will place “potential offenders” in specific prevention
and education pro-grams.
9. According to the ACLU, state police in Michigan
are now using “extraction devices” to download data from
the cell phones of motorists that they pull over. This is
taking place even if those pulled over are not accused of
doing anything wrong.
The following is how an article on CNET News de-
scribed the capabilities of these “extraction devices”....
The devices, sold by a company called Cellebrite, can
download text messages, photos, video, and even GPS
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 10 October 2011
RETIRING TO ECUADOR GOVERNMENT
. . . The REAL STORY With the chaos going in the US government and with-
many governments the world over, your editor of Expat
If you are thinking about a place to retire where your World keeps the TO BE GOVERNED pronouncement
Yankee dollar goes a long way and the countries condi- below prominently in front of him at his desk, always to
tions are generally pretty good with lots of amenities that be reminded of the state that supposedly FREE MEN are
expats and retirees want, then the advice of many “inter- in today.
national” magazines and journalists has been “think no
furthur, head to Ecuador. Your editor here at EW has read TO BE GOVERNED
so many wonderful, glowing reports about retirement in To be governed is to be watched, inspected,
Ecuador, that he actually went on a look-see trip to find
spied upon, directed, law-driven, numbered,
out for himself. He was impressed by the apparent condi-
tions, costs and amenities that retirees and expat alike ex- regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached
pect. But even with the glowing reports of most all writers at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued,
and international living type magazines (who by the way, censured, commanded, by creatures who
many have a vested interest in promoting Ecuador for re- have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the
tirement), on our visit something just wasn’t kosher. virtues to do so .
So we found an expat resident in the place who wrote
a report entitled “ECUADOR, THE To be governed is to be at every operation,
UGLY TRUTH ABOUT THIS MUCH at every transaction noted, registered,
TOUTED RETIREMENT PARADISE.” counted, authorized, admonished, prevented,
If you are in anyway thinking of moving to forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished.
Ecuador for along term stay you MUST
read this report. It will be the best $20 spent It is, under pretext of public utility, and in
of your future retirement income. the name of the general interest, to be placed
We here at Expat World don’t hype many books but under contribution, drilled, fleeced, exploited,
we do like our readers to know the Real Story about any monopolized, extorted from, squeezed
expat, retirement haven. All we will say is when you read hoaxed, robbed; then, at the slightest
this book you will be told the truth, and nothing but the
resistance, the first word of complaint, to be
truth about retiring in Ecuador as seen by the author and
your editor after his visit there. Don’t get me wrong, repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted
Ecuador can be a very nice short term stay with it’s beau- down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound,
tiful beaches, ranges in climates, culture, inexpensive repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted
housing and food, etc, but for full time retirement you down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound,
have to read ECUADOR THE UGLY TRUTH ABOUT choked, imprisoned, judged, condemned, shot,
THIS MUCH-TOUTED RETIREMENT PARADISE. deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed; and to
LET EW give you a web contact address where you crown all, mocked, ridiculed, derided,
can get this report delivered to you instantly in PDF for-
mat. Just click on this address:
www.expatworld.net/ascolibooks (or transfer it into your THAT IS GOVERNMENT, THAT IS
web browser and you’ll be right. By the way, tragic as JUSTICE; THAT IS MORALITY."
many of the events are in this book, it’s written in a hu-
morous manner that you just have to enjoy even if you
don’t agree with the contents. Get it today. PS: Make a copy of the above for display where it will do
the most good or you can get a beautiful printed, graphics en-
hanced A-4 size suitable for framing copy we have at Expat
DO YOU NEED A COLLEGE DEGREE? World. Just go to www.expatworld .org or www.expatworld.net
AN ALTERNATIVE DEGREE and go to special services and enter $10 and complete the shop-
Expat World knows of a U.K. International University that is ping basket order form and we’ll have this document airmailed
accredited and can verify your transcripts to employers and to you pronto.Editor-- Expat World
others that you have a qualified degree from their university.
Their degree is based on U.K. law and on life experience, Want to Change or Add To the Governments You Answer to?
partial college work, apprenticeships, diploma's, etc. that you
can verify. They assess all you present and you may then EW has found a second nationality situation that has been
become a degree holder, BS, MS, PHD. running successfully for many years now. In our opinion it is the
Extremely reasonable fees! best deal in the second nationality/PP business today.
Want more info? Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
with "degree" in the subject heading. For full details send an email to email@example.com
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 11 October 2011
AMSTERDAM | Fri Oct 7, 2011
(Reuters) - Members of the Dutch
Senate, or upper house of parliament,
won't strain their backs or weigh
down their bike panniers by carrying
stacks of printed documents from
work anymore, since they are all
now expected to work on their Apple
MP’s vote to ban burqa –Geneva: Swiss parlimaentarians
yesterday approved a far-right ban on the burqa and other face
coverings in some public places, including public transport.
If passed, the Swiss will join the French and Dutch who
have both recently banned the veils. Belgium is also debating
a ban in Parliment.
As seen in the Daily Reporter, Spencer IA, Vaccine could reduce HIV
October 31, 1996 As he stopped befroe the door,
and to ‘minor infection’
The Hundred- Raising up his arms he hollered
London — HIV could be reduced to a
Like I’d never heard before.
Year Legend “minor chronic infection” akin to herpes,
scientist developing a new vaccine have
By Kathryn Whitrock, Milford I stood frozen in my tracks
So afraid, I couldn’t move,
Spanish researchers found that 22 out of
Our Town is a quiet an peacful place, Thinking of this reckless dare,
24 healthy people (92 percent) developed
Neighborly folks with country ways, The bravery I was to prove.
na immune response to HIV after being
The kind of place that city people imagine
given their MVA-B vaccine.
When they talked of “the good old days.” Suddenly, there was an asful scream.
Professor Mariano Esteban, head
But here is a tale I muste tell you, of Queer That richocheted thorugh the night.
researcher on the project at the National
events a long time ago, When a stranger Then the blackness inside the house
Biotech Center in Madird, said of the jab:
stalked the dead of night. And depserate Was dented by a candle’s light.
“It’s like showing a picture of the HIV so
fear ran icy cold.
that it is able to recognise it if it sees it
A shadow crept across that light
again in the future.”
All eyes stared as he entered town, Of a creature that could not be.
The inectioon contains four HIV genes
His long cloak snapping at the wind, As the stranger crossed the threshold,
which stimulate T and B lymphocytes,
A black hat pulled low across his eyes. I heard the scream of the wild banshee.
which are types of white blood cells.
A Satiin scarf warpped ‘round his chin.
"Our body is full of lymphocytes, each of
In a heartbeat all went dark again.
them programmed to fight against a
He spoke few words, but those who heard The wind had ceased to blow
Felt pensive and full of dread. Then lightening struck froom the sky above
"Training is needed when it involves a
The gossip throughtout the town was of Spreading fire to this horror below.
pathogen, like the HIV one, which cannot
This mesenger from the dead.
be naturally defeated".
I stood terrified, courage abandoned
The next step is to test it in people with
The abandoned house at the edge of town Feeling frightfully all alone.
HIV to see if it works as a "therapeutic" -
Was haunted some explained. Then suddenly I found I was running
reducing the viral count.
Yet, determined, he kept on asking, And didn’t stop til I reached home.
Prof Esteban was optomistic, saying: “If
“What was the owner’s name?”
this genetic cocktail passes Phase II and
The next day I told my story.
Phase III future clinic trials, and makes it
In those days, I was a young lad They all scoffed and laughed at me.
into production, in the future HIV could be
More daring than most. “What an imagination this boy has -
compared to herpes virus nowadays."
“No dark caped stranger frightens me!” There’s no such thing as a wild banshee!”
To my buddies did I boast.
The stranger was never seen again. BRUSSELS — Preoccupied with fears of
“Then follow him tonight,” they taunted, Everyone wondered where he had gone. increased migration from the south, the
“and we’ll see how brave you are.” Only I would know the awesome truth European Union told its two newest members,
So I set out to track him down, Of why that house burned down. Romania and Bulgaria, on Thursday that they
The sky was dark, there were no stars. would have to wait to join the bloc’s passport-
Time went by and I tried to forget free travel zone.
At midnight I caought up with him, The events of that terrible night. Finland and the Netherlands objected to
Down a path of mossy stones. Now I’m old, but before I go admitting Romania and Bulgaria to an offshoot
A thin sliver of moonlight sent The record myst be set right. of the bloc known as the Schengen zone,
whose members agree to trust one another’s
Shivers through my bones.
border security and to allow travelers to cross
They say that history repeats itself their mutual frontiers without having to show
Just ahead was the old haunted house. And that fact and fiction don’t mix, a passport.
Almost hidden by dar, green vines, But I warn you that I remember well, Romania and Bulgaria, which joined the
It creaked and groaned as though it knew October 31st, 1896.. European Union in 2007, say they have met
That now had come its time. —Jeremiah Wittaman the technical standards for joining the
(as told on his deathbead October 17, 1987) Schengen zone, but the two objectors said that
The wind was howling fiercely was not enough.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 12 October 2011
SLICE of LIFE provide parking for all its diplomats. Restroom Repairs
At the end of July, Indonesia owed
Diplomats owe New York millions Fix the restrooms in Waikiki that are in
the city US725,000 (S$930,000) in
in parking fines. disrepair for the locals, the visitors, the
unpaid parkiing tickets, reported
JAKARTA: The Indonesian 20,000 APEC visitors and their families and
Indonesia media quoting a reuters
government owes New York close the 2,000 world news reporters who will
report. It is the third-biggest debtor
to a million dollars in unpaid arrive in November. Specifically, fix the
to the city in unpaid parkign tickets
parking tickets and it is blaming the restrooms adjacent to the Honolulu Sub
after Egype (US 1.9 million) and
US City for its lack of parking Station in Waikiki’s Kalakaua Avenue Police
Nigeria (US$1 million)/
New York City, home to 289
“This is not a new problem. It has The restrooms in the police sub station
foreign missions and consulates, is
been happening a long time, “ Mr across from the Hyatt Hotel on Kalakaua
owed US$16.7 million in u npaid
Triyono Wibowo, the deputy foreign Avenue are in dire need of a complete
fines by diplomats based there.
minister, todl the Jakarata Globe. Of overhaul–dirty floors and walls, stained
Some Indonesian Politicians have
its 35 consulate staff in New York, urinals and old commodes with old wooden
urged the goernment to pay up or
only one was assigned a parking doors. There are three old sinks, of which two
risk sullying the country’s image.
space. He said the city should are inoperable and without proper towels.
Now you can greenhouse gas than cremation, by
using a seventh of the energy.
system. Bones are removed from
the unit and crushed into
dissolve your The process also allows for
mercury and other harmful
fragments in the same machine
used following cremation.
loved ones substances from bone, teeth,
artificial joints and implants to be
Mr Sullivan, a biochemist, said
tests have proven the effluent
at the funeral separated, recovered and disposed
of more safely than in cremation, it
poses no risks to the environment.
Resomation installed its first unit
THOSE who sweat at the thought says. at a funeral home in St Petersburg
of being cremated after death now 'Resomation was developed in in Florida, one of seven states in
can take a wet way out instead. response to the public's increasing the US in which the process has
A British company has installed environmental concerns,' company now been legalised.
its first 'alkaline hydrolysis' at a founder Sandy Sullivan told BBC He said it also hopes to roll out
funeral home in the United States, News. the process elsewhere in the US,
the BBC News reports. In its system, a body is Canada and Europe.
Instead of burning bodies, it submerged in a mixture of water And for those still looking for
dissolves them into a puddle in and potassium hydroxide which is yet another way out, Swedish
heated alkaline water. In addition pressurised and heated to 180 deg biologist Susanne Wiigh-Masak
to dousing fears of a fiery end, the C for about three hours. has come up with what she calls
process is also touted to have an Mr Sullivan told the BBC that Promession. In effect, it 'freeze-
added 'green' benefit. this dissolves the body tissue and dries' remains, allowing for
Its Glasgow-based maker, the resulting liquid is then simply shallow burial - similar to
Resomation, claims the body poured into the municipal water composting.
liquefaction units use a third less
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 13 October 2011
'Mind-reading’ device Feel Free
recreates what to take
we see in our heads at iPhone
LONDON — Mind reading person was looking at.
could become a reality after When the researchers Library of Congress
scientists unveiled a device watched a OKs 'jailbreaking'
which translates what we are
seeing in our heads onto a
"This is a major leap
By Erich Schwartzel
toward reconstructing Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
By monitoring the brain
activity of people while they internal imagery. We are
Until this week, hacking an iPhone
watched Hollywood movie opening a window into the was like jaywalking for techies:
trailers, researchers were able easy, common and illegal.
to recreate a moving picture movies in our minds." But the Library of Congress has
similar to the real footage being legalized this hacking -- known as
played. Professor Jack Gallant, "jailbreaking" -- and given amnesty
While the technology is not yet one of the study’s authors to the millions of users who have
capable of reading our already done it.
second set of clips, this time Jailbreaking allows savvy iPhone
thoughts, it could eventually
Hollywood film trailers, the users to hack into their devices and
lead to ways of translating our run applications that weren't
programme was able to produce
dreams and memories onto approved by the official Apple app
an approximate version of what
they were watching.
If it is refined enough the It's a popular process that's been
It did this by scanning a
method could even be used to an open secret since the smart
library of random YouTube phone premiered. Apple, known for
explore the minds of stroke
videos, pulling out the most its tight control on all products, has
patients, experts said.
similar clips to what it guessed responded by refusing to honor
Researchers from the
the person was watching, and warranties for jailbroken devices.
University of California,
blending them together. The Library of Congress decision
Berkeley, used MRI scanners to has been interpreted as a victory for
"This is a major leap toward
monitor the blood flow in the amateur who wants some say --
reconstructing internal imagery.
people's brains as they watched and maybe some pay -- for altering
We are opening a window into
films including Madagascar 2, a device's capabilities and
the movies in our minds." said
Pink Panther 2 and Star Trek vulnerabilities. Companies already
Professor Jack Gallant, oone of shell out cash to "bug hunters" who
unfold on a screen.
the study’s authors. alert them to security gaps.
After analysing how the
The study, published in the It's also a victory for open-source
brain's visual centre responded
Current Biology journal, is software, which emphasizes the
to on-screen movements, the
believed to be the first community in improving software
scientists created a computer rather than one-size-fits-all
experiment to successfully
program which could corporate management.
interpret brain signals as they
accurately guess what the
respond to moving images.
n BINGE DRINKERS MAY HAVE TO PAY TAX TO COVER COST OF CLEARING UP MESS
Drinkers in bars in towns and cities One way could see drinkers Figures last year suggested that
could pay extra to help cover the paying 5p ($0.10) more for a pint or binge-drinking injuries cost the
cost of clearing up the chaos caused glass of wine. But there are fears National Health Service more than
by binge drinking. that moderate drinkers will be £2.7 billion ($5.3 billion) a year.
The Liberal Democrats are forced to pay the new tax which The cost of clearing up alcohol-
examining plans for a “per drink councils may apply too widley. related crime is estimated to be £7.3
surcharge” that will help pay for The new measures will be billion a year.
extra police, street cleaners and debated at the Liberal Democrats Drinking leads to a further £6
cover the cost of treating alcohol- conference in Birmingham next billion in “social costs”. THE DAILY
related health problems. month.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 14 October 2011
after filing. Neither party is required to attend the hearing,
and the divorce will normally be granted at the time of
the hearing. For an additional fee, you may be able to get
your divorce in as little as a few days. An added bonus is
that, as Guam is a territory of the United States and falls
under United States jurisdiction, the divorce will be rec-
ognized as valid in any of the fifty states. And, if appro-
priate, a decree can be granted as to marital status only,
allowing the parties to iron out property and other issues
later, even in another court.
Here’s the tricky part: Guam actually does have a 90-
Before you were married, you spent a full year and day residency requirement. However, under Guam law,
thousands of dollars planning the picture perfect wedding where both parties are in agreement regarding the divorce
ceremony. But now that the magic has faded, you want and consent to jurisdiction, Guam is presumed to have
out . . . now! For anyone willing to spend a few bucks jurisdiction over the parties.
and perhaps make a quick trip to a foreign land, a quickie Additionally, Guam law does not require residency to
overseas divorce might be the perfect solution. be pleaded or proved, and the court is not required to
make any findings regarding residency. Finally, where
the parties have consented to the divorce, only the parties
Plan the Perfect Divorce in just 24 hours
themselves can raise the issue of jurisdiction. This series
of loopholes operates to allow a significant number of
If you are willing to travel outside the United States, a
Americans to obtain Guam divorces each year without
divorce in the Dominican Republic might be just the ticket
ever leaving the country.
for you. Laws in the Dominican Republic waive require-
ments such as residency and waiting periods for foreign
visitors who are in agreement and seek a mutual divorce. Countries to avoid if you want a quick and
However, at least one party must attend the hearing on painless divorce.
the divorce in Santo Domingo. The party who is not at-
tending the hearing must sign a special power of attorney Mexico used to be the go-to country for the quickie
form. The good news is that the Dominican Republic is divorce, granting divorces in as little as three hours, and
located near the U.S. Virgin Islands, a short flight from in some cases even granting mail-order divorces. Between
Miami, Florida. There are no residency requirements and 1940 and 1960, when some states had residency require-
your divorce will be final within as little as 24 hours. ments as long as three years, approximately 500,000
However, an important drawback to note is that not all United States couples obtained quickie Mexican divorces.
states recognize a divorce granted in the Dominican Re- However, many United States courts found these divorces
public. In fact, New York is one of the few states to rec- to be invalid, particularly where the divorce was unilateral.
ognize Dominican divorces as valid. Most states, including Tired of its reputation as the place to come for a quick di-
California, consider such divorces invalid unless the par- vorce, and bowing to political and religious pressure,
ties first establish residency in the Dominican Republic. Mexico enacted prohibitive and complex residency re-
Additionally, the United States Supreme Court has ruled quirements in the early 1970s, making Mexico a poor op-
that all unilateral foreign divorces, where only one party tion for those seeking a quick dissolution of their marital
signs the paperwork, are invalid. ties.
Similarly, Haitian divorces in the Caribbean used to
No need to step off of American soil be quite popular, as well as quick and easy to obtain.
If you do not want to leave American soil and also However, unilateral Haitian divorces are considered in-
want the best chance of having your marriage recognized valid as a result of the Supreme Court’s ruling. As with
in the United States, Guam may be a better choice. If you Dominican divorces, even bilateral Haitian divorces are
and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse are in agreement, you can considered invalid in many states. Additionally, a Haitian
both sign a simple “consent to jurisdiction” form and ob- divorce requires one party to appear in court, and it is
tain a quick and easy Guam divorce without ever leaving now considered too dangerous to travel to Haiti due to
the United States. civil unrest.
Your divorce will be handled by a Guam attorney in For those seeking an overseas divorce, the most im-
cooperation with a United States-based legal service spe- portant consideration is whether the divorce will be rec-
cializing in overseas divorces. Generally, a hearing date ognized as valid stateside. Realize that, as long as both
will be scheduled for approximately four to five weeks parties are in agreement and the divorce is mutual, the
likelihood of the validity of the divorce ever being chal-
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 15 October 2011
lenged is almost non-existent. And keep in mind that such serves the divorce petition and summons on the wife,
challenges can happen with any divorce. For example, who responds after accepting service and notifies the court
California courts have dealt with the issue of one spouse that she’s in agreement and wants the divorce also.
challenging the validity of a divorce granted to the other Under these circumstances, the divorce could probably
spouse in Nevada. In that case, the complaining spouse not be challenged later in a collateral attack by either
attempted to prove that the divorcing party did not estab- party since both had participated in obtaining it. They are
lish residency with the intent to remain in the state of Ne- both estopped from attacking the divorce because they
vada permanently. Interestingly, the California court con- both participated in obtaining it.
sidered the divorce invalid, while the Nevada court upheld That doesn’t mean it’s really legal or even a good idea.
its validity. It simply means that the courts won’t allow a divorce that
The bottom line is, for anyone venturing outside the was invalid in its inception to be later attacked by either
United States to obtain a quick, overseas divorce, there of the parties who had participated in the illegality. This
are special risks involved. Before doing so, investigate is also known as the “clean hands” doctrine.
your options thoroughly to make sure that you meet all Another argument would be ratification by the non-
residency and other requirements. This option should be filing party. The husband may contend that, even if the
considered only if both parties are in agreement and the wife didn’t participate in the divorce at the time it was
divorce will be bilateral or mutual. Finally, make sure granted, her acting in reliance on it would bar an attack
that a divorce granted by a court in the jurisdiction of on the divorce later on. This would be the situation where
your choice will be recognized by the United States, as she then remarries after the divorce is granted or takes
well as the particular state in which you reside. some other substantial action that is inconsistent with her
being married and shows that she is acting in reliance on
But Overseas Divorces Can Stand up in the divorce being valid.
Court. Finally, some courts have held that the failure of the
divorce defendant to challenge the foreign divorce after
Usually American courts take a dim view of foreign many years will bar her from attacking it. A timely attack
divorces and don’t recognize them. One possible way out on the foreign decree is essential in these appellate deci-
for anyone, however, is based not on the validity of the sions.
divorce but rather on the theory of estoppel. This is, of course, a far cry from saying that the divorce
Here’s how it works. Where both of the parties partic- is valid. Rather, these approaches concentrate on the di-
ipate in the foreign dissolution action, they may be vorce being immune from attack by either party. The di-
estopped to challenge its validity in a subsequent court vorce can, however, be attacked by an outsider, a person
action. This would be the case, for example, if the husband who’s not a party to the illegal transaction. This could in-
files for divorce in the Dominican Republic and then volve a prior or subsequent spouse or the child of a party.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 16 October 2011
EX P AT A RTI ST
art by Gene
Unusual Paintings for Your Home,
Office, Collection or give as a Gift.
Check out +100 of these valuable originals at
pre-death prices from the Expat Artist.
View at: www.expatartist.com
Jesus from Mars..
Artist - Gene Wasosky...
ABOUT THE ARTIST -- Art by
Gene is the work of Gene Wasosky,
an expatriate of some 33 years. Born
in the hills of Western Pennsylvania,
Gene has lived most of his adult life
overseas in a variety of places. His
experiences in sights and sounds has
colored his image of the world which
he displays through his art in this col-
lection called OUTRAGEOUS.
Gene calls himself a “colorist” and
when he puts brush to paper in both
watercolors and oil paintings he hopes
to add some color into the life of each
viewer. Hopefully too, it adds some
color to the viewers black and white
perception of the world.
Having a home in Hawaii as his
USA base, Gene hopes to spend some
of his future retirement time creating
OUTRAGEOUS works of art from
the beaches of Hawaii. He already is established in the bohemian artist colony in
Waikiki as well as the artist scene in his present home in Singapore. Most recently
Gene had a successful show at the renown Chateau d’Arts gallery in Singapore.
THE PAINTINGS -- You will be able to view paintings from the coming exhibition
entitled OUTRAGEOUS. The specifics: name of painting, size, medium, price are
include with each piece. All are framed quite handsomely by Parklane Art Framer,
Singapore. Prices are in US dollars and does not in-
clude shipping costs. Gene can ship to anywhere in
the world. Blossoming Liberty..
Artist - Gene Wasosky...
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 17 October 2011
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www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 20 October 2011
Free-Man’s Bush buried the country in debt to save the banks
and Obama doubled-down at the rate of $1.5 trillion per
Rant #2 year. So, what really was different?
In my work, I need to make clear presentations of But, facts just don’t matter. Hundreds of millions
carefully supported opinions. But all of us? including will watch the American political death match with
me? need to unwind and gripe to our friends once in a baited breath.
while. Obama will try anything to get an economic spike
As it happens, quite a few EW readers are guys with right before the election; his opponent will scream about
whom I’ve had drinks and umm... informal conversa- unemployment from end to end. Each side will hire a
tions. And, quite a few of these conversations took place dozen clever guys to come up with "zinger" lines to
at establishments that advertise in EW. So, I’m going to throw at their opponents.
consider EW subscribers my wider circle of friends and The only good thing about this circus is watching
rant a bit., Pull up a chair, pour yourself a Margarita, Ron Paul tell the dirty truth about the Federal Reserve...
and dive in. but even that requires a lot of really fast channel flip-
Last week it really hit me that another US political ping.
season is descending upon us. It will utterly dominate You know, I think I need some scotch; maybe I’ll go
any news coming out of the States and a big share of the raid the liquor cabinet.
news elsewhere. I am not looking forward to this. Paul Rosenberg is considered by some critics to be
For one thing, people will care more about lying po- the new Ayn Rand — starting with his seminal work A
litical candidates than anything else in their lives. Lodging of Wayfaring Men. It's setting is the "new
They’ll be sucked into the insane obsession that politics world" that is our world right now. You can find his
is the central issue of their existence. They’ll ignore many books at www.AscoliBooks.com Paul speaks often
their work, their families, almost anything. They’ll prac- at freedom fests around the world and is one of the more
tically hate people that think the "other candidate" is thoughtful and articulate advocates of a way of life that
better... in fact, a lot of them will hate people that sup- just "by-passes" government.
port the other party. It is utterly out of bounds. To read a past issue of Free Man's Perspective or to
Last time, we were treated a rather nasty old man order, visit www.expatworld.net/fmp.
and a guy with a messiah complex. And, we had the
Sarah Palin phenomenon: One side of the fight was not
content to say, “the lady is incorrect,” or, “I very much
disagree.” Instead, they were driven to express their
THE DIRTY DOZEN
compulsive hatred in ever louder, viler and more public Check out our privacy re-
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Who will it be this time? Maybe we’ll get a double- DOZEN. Theses contain
hate-fest, with one guy on each side serving as the des- hard to find information at
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The truth is that both parties suck. The guys from cheap. The originals costing
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Bush gave us Afghanistan and Iraq; Obama kept unbelievable. Go to www.expatworld.org or
them both going and added Sudan, Yemen and Libya. At www.expatworld.net and take a gander.
this point, more soldiers have died in Afghanistan under
Obama than under Bush.
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 21 October 2011
LESSONS IN HISTORY
Have you ever wondered who first uttered the Halloween Traditions
phrase: “You Gotta Be Shittin’ Me?”
Well, it just so happens to have originated way back Costumes: Dressing in costumes
when George Washington was crossing the Delaware has its roots in the Pagan Celtic roots
river with his troops. There were 33 in Washington ‘s of Samhain. One theory is they
dressed as ghouls to fool evil spirits
boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and let loose on October 31, so they
the water was tossing them about. would not be possessed by these spir-
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (re- its. Another theory is they dressed in
member this name) and stationed him at the front of the costume just for fun, and to make
boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, mischief. Yet another theory is that
faeries would dress as beggars asking
so they could see where they were heading. for food, which would also be the
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, con- origins of the "trick or treat" practice. After the Catholic
tinued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and Church replaced Samhain with All Saints Day, people would
forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw dress as dead Saints and devils for their festivities.
Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Trick or Treat: This practice might have had it's start in
the legend from Celtic days that faeries would dress as beg-
Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour gars going from door to door asking for food, and those that
trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of did not show hospitality would be harshly dealt with by these
them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their magical faeries. On All Souls Day, the poor would beg for
favorites. "Soul Cakes" (sweet pastries) in exchange for prayers for
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on their departed loved ones, expediting their passage to heaven.
Sometimes costumed groups would sing and perform in ex-
the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the change for food, ale, or money. In the United Kingdom, Guy
troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour Fawkes effigies to be burned were prepared by children, go-
later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’ ing door to door, asking for a penny for Guy, on Guy Fawkes
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge Day.
house. What they didn’t know was that this was a house Bonfires: These have two origins. The first is the sacred
ritual of extinguishing home fires, and one sacred bonfire is lit
of ill repute, hidden in The forest to serve all who came. in each town for the end of the New Year. Some say the rea-
General Washington pounded on the door, his men son home fires were extinguished is to scare away evil spirits
crowding around him. The door swung open, and much from homes, while others say that home fires were supposed
to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile to be lit from embers from the sacred bonfire to start the New
came across her face, to see so many men standing Year. The second origin was from Guy Fawkes Day in the
United Kingdom to burn effigies of the Catholic pope, and
there.. later of Guy Fawkes himself.
Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am Apples: A seasonal fruit, and also the symbol of the Ro-
General George Washington and these are my men. We man goddess Pomona, commonly thought at the time to pos-
are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth sess qualities of knowledge, resurrection, and immortality.
and comfort.’ Bobbing for apples, peeling a long apple peel, and other ma-
nipulations of the fruit were thought to foretell the future, on
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing this night of Samhain.
there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, Jack o'lanterns: From the Irish folk tale of Jack, who
‘Well, General, you have come to the right place. We tricked the devil, but was not allowed in heaven or in hell.
can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many The devil, taking pity of Jack, gave him an ember to light his
men do you have?’ way on his eternal walks on Earth, carried in a hollowed out
turnip. Because of their size and availability, pumpkins were
Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are 32 of substituted for turnips in the United States. The Celtics did
us without Peters ...’ use a hollowed out rutabaga to carry an ember from the sacred
And the Madam said, ‘You gotta be shittin me.’ Samhain bonfire home to light their home fires, but the signif-
icance and relation to the Irish tale of Jack is unknown.
Ghost Stories: Ghost stories probably have their roots in
the original Celtic belief that the spirits of the dead (both good
and bad) wandered the Earth on October 31 (Samhain). Later,
when the church replaced Samhain with All Saints Day and
All Souls Day, the dead were remembered, and spoken about.
In the United States today, they are used to amuse and scare
children (and some adults) to get them in the "spirit" of Hal-
www.ExpatWorld.net Expat World Page 22 October 2011
spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do
you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers
would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that
I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the
forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other
colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained
space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospi-
tal garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when
you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you
are actually naked.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in
my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was
very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me
that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was
ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered
what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to
the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose
COLONOSCOPY JOURNAL Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the
(If you've had a colonoscophy you know this is true)
procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to
anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I
make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seri-
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color
ously nervous at this point.
diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesi-
over the place, at one point passing briefly through Min-
ologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in
songwas ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy
a thorough,reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thought-
that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particu-
fully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my
lar procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropri-
brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
ate. ‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere
17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’
behind me. ‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I
I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a
had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeam-
prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in
ish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in ex-
a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss
plicit detail, exactly what it was like.
MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.
ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tam-
I spent the next several days productively sitting around
bourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room
being nervous.Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I be-
waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at
gan my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I
me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more
didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth,
excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my
which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the
colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been
evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of pow-
prouder of an internal organ.
der together in a oneliter plastic jug, then you fill it with luke-
warm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a
liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole On the subject of Colonoscopies ..
jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the
here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal
exam were quite humorous!!!!! A physician claimed that the
cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by some- following are actual comments made by his patients (predom-
body with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, inately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of 1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man
has gone before!’
like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experi- 2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
ence contact with the ground. 3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too 4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? 5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’
This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the 6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a 7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..’
seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to 8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
thebathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. 9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you 10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far 11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
And the best one of all:
as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start elimi- 12. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my
nating food that you have not even eaten yet. head is not up there?’
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The
next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nerv- EW thanks again the funny man Dave Barry, writer,
ous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had humorist for this article.
been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
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