EXPAT WORLD-University Degrees Online

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					                        THE NEW

                              E X PAT WORLD
                                “the newsletter of international living”

                                             FOR THE POST 911 WORLD
                        Bringing You the World in a Way you’ve Never Seen Before
Vol. 24. No.2        and                                  October 2011

    Over the years Expat World has been asked if they             -90 days? Citizenship? Yes. Three years. Better to get the
could help in getting a legal residency in a European             residency in Estonaia and then go to the EU country you
country, particularly the EU. Unless you had some ethnic          really want to live in and let your time run there or get
parent background there were only a few programs over             your citizenship in your new country. Visit to country re-
the years. BUT one needed a wallet with million dollar            quired. Name change? Must use same name as in another
bills in it, or close to it, in funds to pull it off. Different   passport. Police Record? Not yet! Hurry before they
schemes, different amounts but unless you were in the             change their mind.
super rich category and had a real need to be in Europe,              About Estonia . . . An old Soviet Bloc high-latitude
they weren't for the economically upper middle class per-         country on the Baltic Sea with Latvia to the south and
son. Well all that has changed.                                   Finland to the north, Russia to the East. Directly to the
    EW put one of it's main staffers on it, Captain Jack,         west of Estonia is Sweden across the Baltic Sea. It's re-
who found andvetted and Estonia Residency Program.                garded as a very livable country. It's not particularly cheap
    It's ready to go, so if you fit theperson in the article      to live there; nor is it outrageously expensive. It is full of
following, get hold of Captain Jack at:                           culture. It has very cold winters. Nice summers. Is well and he will be your captain               thought of which is what matters from a potentialresident's
on the high seas to Estonia.                                      point of view, right?
                                                                      For a map click here (or copy and paste into your
              E X PAT W O R L D ' S                               browser's heading):
              VETTED ESTONIA                                      ical/Scandinavia.htm
               EU RESIDENCY
                  PROGRAM                                            About the Program
   Summary: Non-governmental fees, lawyer fees and                    Below is an excerpt taken straight from the Estonian
hand-holding: $15,000. Extractable (as in you can get it
                                                                  residency information page: A residence permit for un-
back quickly) investment, $25,000. Time frame 60-days
                                                                  dertaking business in Estonia may be issued to an alien
                                                                  who owns shares in a company or acts as a sole proprietor
                INSIDE THIS ISSUE                                 if the company or the sole proprietor is registered in the
2Bits & Pieces - Robber Barrons                                   Estonian Commercial Register and if the business is nec-
2Travel - Fund your Travel through Blogging                       essary for the national interest of developing the Estonian
2Flag 6 Report - CyberSpace                                       economy and the settlement of the alien is important for
22011 Retirement Index                                            the business.
                                                                      The fields and, if necessary, the territory of activities,
2Around the World with Expat World
                                                                  shall be determined in the residence permit for business.
2Expat World’s - World of Privacy                                     The company or the sole proprietor is required to have
2International Snips and Clips                                    a businessplan which states the character andrange of the
2Consult with the Experts                                         business, number of staff, necessary qualification and
2Pandoras Box                                                     know-how of the staff. An alien may be granted a resi-
                                                                  dence permit for business if:
2Free-Man’s Rant
                                                                      • the alien has invested in Estonia a capital sum of
2Lessons in History                                               1,000,000 kroons under his/her control in the case of a
2Crapper Rapper                                                   company;
    • the alien has invested in Estonia a capital sum of           EDITOR'S NOTE: This is the best program in 20
250,000 krooni under his/her control in the case of a sole      years to get EU residency/citizenship/pp. It is limited in
proprietor.                                                     numbers so if you want in, get back to Cap'n Jack now
    • The number of aliens immigrating to Estonia is lim-       and start making plans. Contact Cap'n Jack at:
ited. The annual immigration quota is the quota for aliens Estonia in the subject heading.
immigrating to Estonia which shall not exceed 0.1 per
cent of the permanent population of Estonia annually. The
immigration quota does not apply to you if you are:
    • a citizen of the European Union, Norway, Iceland,
Switzerland, the United States of America or Japan;
    • an Estonian.
    Be advised, there are a few other details that also must
be met like showing a minimum amount of income for
the previous 6 months and proof of health insurance, but
the minimums are very easy to meet. Currently the USD
to EEK exchange rate is approximately 12eek = USD $1.
So for someone interested in registering a sole propri-
etorship you would need to deposit about USD $21,000
in an Estonian bank. If you want to start a bigger company,
you would need to deposit about USD $84,000. Keep in
mind, this is not a cost, this is your money in your account.
Unlike some of the other residency programs out there              ROBBER BARONS
Estonia does not require a large state fee. You will also           This month EW takes you to the Robber Barrons of the planet
notice there is a restriction on who this residency program     Earth-- the bankers who have taken this planet in 2012 to the
applies to. But for US citizens looking to diversify their      edge of economic destruction, plus Wall Street types and Gov-
wealth and plant another flag outside of the US, the Es-        ernment lackies. Comments provided by smart and educated im-
tonian program is a very, very good option.                     portant people:
    Of course the big question is “why?” Because financial
and geographic diversification is a great way to insure            BANKING establishments are more dangerous than standing
your safety and wealth. When traveling smart expats use         armies.
ONLY their Estonia identification. This may be silly, but                                        THOMAS JEFFERSON
it just gives peace of mind knowing that residency and
citizenship are in different countries. An ideal situation          A BANK is a confidence trick. If you put up the right signs,
would be to have your business registered in one country,       the wizards of finance themselves will come in and ask you to
your investments in one country, your residency in one          take their money.
country, and your citizenship(s), in yet another. This gives                                             CHRISTINA STEAD
you freedom movement and diversification of your wealth.
Can you imagine how an overzealous, ambulance chasing               A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when
attorney would attack you financially if you were an            the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
American citizen, with Estonian residency, banking in                                                            MARK TWAIN
Sweden, with your business registered in Belize and your
investment portfolio managed in Luxembourg? This is a              What is robbing a BANK compared with founding a bank?
first-rate country and a first rate program.                                                        BERTOLT BRECHT
    Cap'n Jack who speaks like the international lawyer
he is says: Name change: An interesting approach is to             The best way to rob a BANK is to own one.
have your name changed in your home country but not in                                              WILLIAM CRAWFORD
the county you live in. You can usually do this by mail if
you want to play your own lawyer. Take the court order              The STOCKBROKER services his clients in the same way
and get the right stamps on it to please your Estonian          that Bonnie and Clyde serviced banks.
lawyer and submit it with your application. The reason                                                WILLIAM BERNSTEIN
for the name change is to go back to your original family
name and then make the name sort of "Estonian." I hope             October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to
I don't have to tell you that you don't change your name        speculate in STOCKS. The others are july, January, September,
on one damned thing in the country you're leaving. In           April, November, May, March, June, December, August and-
your old country you're as you were. In your EU country         February.
you're as you will be. Got it?                                                                                 MARK TWAIN

                              Expat World Page 2                               October 2011
  I helped put two children through Harvard - my BRO-              FINANCE is the art or science of managing revenues
KER'S children.                                                 and resources for the best advantage of the manager.
                                 MICHAEL LL BOEUF                                                   AMBROSE BIERCE

  With an evening coat and a white tie, even a STOCK                If you bet on a horse, that’s gambling. If you bet you
BROKER can gain a reputation for being civilized.               can make three spades, that’s entertainnent. If you bet
                                      OSCAR WILDE               cotton will go up three points, that’s BUSINESS. See the
   I am told that today a Wall Streeter no longer uses                                 WILLIAM "BLACKIE" SHERROD
“BROKER” as the verb form, but instead endeavors to
“broke a security.” One reason I’m not rich is that I am           CORPORATION, n. An ingenious device for ob-
broker-phobic. I assume they are always tying to unload         taining individual profit without individual respon-
dreck on people like me and lining up something under-          sibility.
handedly predetermined for insiders: If it ain’t fixed, don’t                                     AMBROSE BIERCE
broke it.
                                       ROY BLOUNT JR.             I spent my youth worrying about CORPORATE
                                                                power. Now I worry about corporate incompetence.
    An out-of-town visitor was being shown the wonders                                JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH
of the New York financial district. When the party arrived
at the Battery, one of his guides indicated some handsome         Nobody talks more of FREE ENTERPRISE and
ships riding at anchor. He said, “Look, those are the           competition and of the best man winning than the man
BANKERS' and BROKERS' yachts.The naive customer                 who inherited his father’s store or farm.
asked: Where are the customers’ yachts?”                                                               C. WRIGHT MILLS
                                          FRED SCHWED
                                                                   The business of GOVERNMENT is to keep the gov-
   FINANCE is the art of passing money from hand to             ernment out of business -- that is, unless business needs
hand until it finally disappears.                               government aid.
                                  ROBERT W. SARNOFF                                                     WILL RODGERS

                           FUND YOUR TRAVELS THROUGH BLOGGING
                           or BLOGGING FOR DOLLARS
                              I’ve been riding an ostrich in    more and more amazing places each year. Sure beats any
                           South Africa, kayaking down a        day in a "typical office."
                           river in Laos, catching piranha          Her story and tips: I started blogging really about a
                           in the Amazon, scuba diving          year and a half ago but the first 6 months or so I treat my
                           with the great manna rays in         blog much like a diary. I up-loaded a few pictures now
                           Yap, traveling the silk route        and again but mostly talked about life in the Caribbean. I
from Beijing to Istanbul by train, playing on the white         was making no money on the blog and it really hadn’t
sand beaches of Bora Bora among just a few adventures           entered my mind to do so.. But when money got tight, so
in the 142 countries I’ve lived in, worked in, visited or       tight that when my domain name and hosting plan came
made love in. And I have funded much of that travel             up for renewal I decided not to renew and let it drop. I
through my websites and newsletters to travelers but what       then read a short article on how to make money on travel
I haven’t done and will shortly is to fund my travels at        blogs or as they say in the business monetizing it, and it
least partially through blogging. Look out in the near fu-      hyped me to start again. I registered a new site and was
ture for the blog site: You will
                                                                anxious to get started for I felt I had a lot to offer the
find it amusing and full of over 40 years of travel adven-
                                                                world. So if you’re at that state, low on funds and wanting
tures seen through the eyes of an expat.
                                                                to offer your experiences to the world start by document-
    I have a friend who is helping me out to get started
                                                                ing all your travels in a notebook with basic notes, times
with a travel blog website. She has become successful
with her travel blog in just a year or so, already netting      places, etc so when you start writing a blog you have an
$1500 to $2000 a month while spending just a little time        instant list to get the memory cranked up.
each day while traveling or sitting on her back porch in            Blogging can be lucrative but you must at first put
sunny Key West, Florida updating her blogs. This same           some time and energy into it until you’re rolling, have
residual income each month has kept her traveling to            advertisers and have an audience built up.

                              Expat World Page 3                          October 2011
     Here are some tips that will save you much time, effort        • USE THE SOCIAL MEDIA --- The vast majority
and money:                                                      of popular bloggers use Facebook, Twitter, Stumble Upon,
     • RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH --- If                      Oh My and other social media. They have thousands of
you are a web-savvy writer, your goal of making your            Twitter followers, an active Facebook fan page, use Stum-
mark and money on the web is going to be easier but             ble religiously and conquer Google +1 before most do.
even if you can’t write a shopping list still spend several     It’s a good idea to pick a few social networking sites to
hours familiarizing yourself with "Google" vocabulary           focus on and read bestpractice articles and case studies
and strategy. You’ll want to find out about SEO (search         before you get started. is a good site for
engine optimization), linkbuilding techniques, Wordpress        this.
and PR (that stands for page rank). Two of the best the             • HELP YOUR FELLOW BLOGGERS --- Help
overall resource for new bloggers can be found at:              Others to Help Yourself. One of the really nice things and                             about the blogosphere is that there is room for everyone.
     • FIND A NICHE --- When you get into travel blog-          One of the most important parts of blogging is getting to
ging, you’re going to find many in the way of competitors.      know the people in your field, both seasoned professionals
You have to be able to offer something different, a niche       and newcomers. The easiest way to do this with Twitter.
if you will. Maybe, make your blog specific to travel on        It may seem counter productive promoting others in your
a Social Security check, traveling with small children,         field via social media but by doing this you can also ben-
river travel, train travel, traveling on a shoestring budget,   efit by having your work promoted as well. I call this
etc, etc. Let your mind be your imagination. Choosing a         cross pollination. It’s wise to build a network of people
small niche will help to define your audience, get adver-       who can be called upon for advice and ideas with recip-
tisers who fit the niche, define your voice on the internet.    rocal benefits in most cases.
You will be jumping for joy when the first advertiser con-          • SHOW ME THE BREAD --- There are many ways
tacts you, but do negotiate with the advertiser over rates      to monetize your blog. Some are more kosher than others.
and don’t do what I did with the first advertiser I was         The first thing that many people try is by using Google
contacted by — accepted a sucker’s rate of 4 times less         adsense where Google pays you to put some ads on your
than the real going rate!                                       site and you get paid a percentage per click. You can also
     • AD VALUE TO YOUR ARTICLES, called posts                  take the affiliate route where you write a review or in-
in blogging terms. Make the posts something more than           fomercial about a product or service or place a banner on
something only your mother would read. Provide info             your site and receive a percentage of the sales after a cus-
that saves the traveler money, provides for his safety,         tomer clicks on the link at your site. There is also the ad-
shows him places that are not in the typical guide books,       vertiser who will pay you a set amount of money to put
alert him to tourist scams, anything where there is a per-      some advertising on your site each month.
ceived value to your posts. You’ll soon be known as some-           Getting advertiser on your site is a bit tricky when
one that knows what he’s talking about and providing in-        you first start. You will probably be contacted first by
valuable information.                                           someone who has seen your site and thinks it’s appropriate
     • BE A HEADLINE FREAK --- This is also some-               for their product but you should also chase advertisers if
times called selling the sizzle and not the steak. Even if      you are doing a certain blog that fits with their product or
you have a good product (good content), you have mere           service. You can sometimes get contacts from fellow blog-
seconds to capture the readers/visitors attention to the site   gers or buddies. Before accepting paid advertisements
before he clicks off to somewhere else. You have very           you should review Google’s Webmaster Guidelines so as
little time to make an impression. What site would you          not to be violating any rules.
stay on, having the choice between headlines: Shopping              A great resource for monetizing your blog is found at
in Singapore or Five Secrets to Cheap Bargains in Singa- And also So
pore Where You Won’t Get Ripped -Off. You get the idea.         you’re now ready to go "Blogging for Dollars."

Our friends at the QWealth Report are holding
their first-ever event in Hong Kong this Octo-
ber, covering concrete strategies for freedom,
asset protection, privacy,second citizenships,
precious metals, offshore bank accounts and
the like. Visit their site for information (click
on ‘Events’) and you can also sign up for their
free reports on Gold and Asset Protection.

                              Expat World Page 4                           October 2011
                      Flag 6 Repor t
                      PTO - A Way to a Good Life Anywhe re on the Globe
                      by Intrepid Web Marketer

    The ultimate Portable Trade or Occupation (PTO) is           • Find the right merchant service provider for order-
an internet business. Yet it’s a tough one for many to get   ing. Take note that PayPal is easy and it’s changed since
started and keep active. This regular EW column is to        they days when everyone hated it. It has decent cus-
supply ideas and support for what is the 21st century        tomer service and has simple buyer and merchant inter-
method of making a steady income from anywhere on            faces and great prices.
the Globe.                                                       Check it out. At worst you should open a PayPal ac-
    Every single PT needs one of these. There are no ex-     count and use it as a backup. The Intrepid Web Marketer
ceptions unless you’re “set” and, then, God bless you.       is constantly searching for alternatives and will advise
Oh, and call me. We could become much better friends!        subscribers of whatever he finds that works. And YOU
    Whether you’re selling a cool hard product or digital    should always have an alternative already in place and
download; or whether you’re an affiliate or whether          ready to plug-in if your present merchant service
you’re getting a referral commission from ginning or-        provider goes nuts on you. Our backup for now is
ders, you want to be operating in this space -- cyber-
space. If you’re stuck in a country you want out of or an        • IMPORTANT: if you experience sudden success (a
area you want out of, this is the ultimate security that     spike in sales) NOTIFY THE SECURITY / COMPLI-
you can pick and move and never lose a day’s pay. By         ANCE PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY at your merchant
setting up where and how you get paid, you can control       service provider and tell them that you’re in the middle
where the money ends up.                                     of a promotion and it looks like it’s working. Even PayPal
    Here is some advice from the Intrepid Web Marketer       has such a department. The customer service rep may not
who’s had ten years of hard marketing experience in the      acknowledge that there is such a department. There is.
cyber-world.                                                 Talk to a supervisor until you get through. Do NOT take
    • Brand yourself and your product early and often.       “no problem” or “I’ll make a note of that” for an answer.
Branding is where the same product and name starts em-       Only the security department can give you that assurance.
bedding itself into internet search engines. It takes time   You do NOT want your account frozen in the middle of a
unless you resort to “expensive” and unpredictable-re-       winning streak! And that is also why you want a backup
sults search engine optimizers (SEOs). Unpredictable is      to swing into place seamlessly if there is a “problem.”
a code word for they often don’t work or don’t work for      This one piece of advice is worth a hundred years of a
long enough to justify the expense.                          subscription to the Expat World Newsletter. The Intrepid
    • Blogging still works. Writing comments on related      Web Marketer has known merchant services to freeze
blogs that talk about your product in the third person       $250,000 in the middle of a winning campaign.
DOES help move up your rankings.                                 • Make sure you don’t do something stupid to get
    • Getting affiliates gets you noticed.                   you noticed by a state or country’s regulatory agency.
    • Getting other sites to link to your product works to   “Curative” health claims can get you in trouble quickly.
boost rankings.                                              Selling products or information to kids requires you us-
    • Spot-on domain names and metatags work. Look,          ing an attorney who knows what they’re doing. Adult
making the domain name REALLY describe your prod-            material always requires a lawyer.
uct, even if the name is unwieldy, should be at least            • The best $99.95 you can spend for your internet
ONE of your urls. You can find something simple for          business is for a product called
folks to write you at, but for getting noticed, you want a    “The Complete Website Legal Guide”
descriptive url. For instance, one of your domain names
could be: but your                 — a digital download. It comes with all the Privacy
email address could be sales @               Policy, User Agreement, Purchase Agreement, and Dis-
    • There is talk that the e-commerce is becoming m-       claimers you’ll need to meet the laws in almost all coun-
commerce. M for mobile as iPhones and iPads become           tries. The product is clearly the #1 web seller and has
information seeking and ordering devices, too. Make          sold in all English speaking countries and over 25 other
sure your product interfaces — as soon as you find trac-     countries. All forms are editable for your needs. You do
tion.                                                        NOT want your success to be taken away for not fol-
                            Expat World Page 5                          October 2011
lowing a regulation that’s easy to follow if you
knowhow. The best thing about “The Complete Website                                   INTERESTED IN A COPY OF PTO
Legal Guide” is that it is not a legal treatise. It’s written                        (PortableTrades and Occupations) go to:
by a lawyer who quit day-to-day lawyering and who                             
struggles like you as an internet marketer. He’s devel-
oped tricks to turn legal requirements into sales boosting
tools. The book is about 200 pages of useful information.
It even includes a VAT Report. Easy to read and highly             2011 Retir ement Index
recommended. Do NOT go into business without this
book or another like it. Or without seeing a lawyer who          Thanks to our friends at International
knows what s/he’s doing. Beware – such lawyers are as            Living we present their finding for the:
rare as hen’s teeth.
    • Don’t give up! You may find instant success or you             Best Places to Retire in 2011
may have to grind it out like 90% of folks on the web.
of time you keep trying will start to raise you in search
engines. Try any and everything. Different domain
names can (usually with out a site-host fee) resolve to
the same website and display the referring domain name,
not the landing page domain name. It’s technical name is
“masking.” Look into it.
    This one tip is worth another 50 years of Expat
World's subscriptions!
    • There are two basic ways to sell via the internet: #1
is to sell something YOU want to sell (that is, find buy-
ers who want what you’re selling) and #2 is to sell some-
thing people want to buy (like cheap electronics which
usually ranks #1). Sometimes #1 and #2 are the same.
Most times they’re different. #1 is always harder to
covert to sales than #2. The challenge with #2 (the mar-         This index was based on 37 different data points, 8 catego-ries
ket-stand by the side of a busy highway) is to get people        all weighted and local experts. Some of the major cat-egories
                                                                 being: cost of living including housing and foodprices, cli-
to choose your stand. The market is already proven to be
                                                                 mate, culture. lifestyles available, safety,healthcare, etc.High-
hot and motivated. Your job is to get your share. There          lights of the Top 4 places.
are a lot of “get rich overnight” programs that look like
                                                                 1. ECUADOR -- One of the most affordable countries in the
they’ll help promote #1 but in the end they only help #2.
                                                                 world. A two beddroom apartment in a historic centergoes for
Beware! They all sound great and all come with a                 about $225 per month.You can live well on $600 per month
money-back guarantee. As soon as you find the $49                and like royalty for double that. You can pickyour climate from
product leads to a $199 product pitch that leads to a            tropical to rather cold or just perpetualspring.
$1999 hand-holding seminar, it’s probably time to think          2. MEXICO -- White sand beaches, old Spanish colonial cities
about getting a refund while you still can. 99% of these         but with solid modern day comforts and conveniences.Good
are made to force YOU into their mold of money mak-              internet and phone structure, good cheap health care,slower
ing. That is, #2. If this is exciting, go for it. It’s not. Go   pace of life combined with spending about 40%less for the
get your refund. Fast.                                           same lifestyle in Mexico as the USA makesMexico a good
    In future issues of Expat World's FLAG SIX will ex-          choice.
plore each of these issues in detail. See you next issue.        3. PANAMA -- Best retirement benefits for all retirees com-
    You can write the Intrepid Web Marketer via the sup-         ing in. Best hopspital in Central America. Has beach, moun-
port ticket system by                 tain or even hi-rise livingi n the only true city in
                                                                 CentralAmerica, your choice. Friendly people and English
choosing the “Intrepid Web Marketer” in the
                                                                 readilyunderstood and used. Not the cheapest place in the in-
“Help/Topic” drop-down menu and it will get to him               dexbut at $1500 a month youcan live a good life in PanamaC-
within 24 hours. Questions will be answered privately            ity.
but Q&As may be posted in EW’s FAQ section or in this            4. SPAIN -- Spain has been for a long time a favorite destina-
section (keeping your name private), of course, or our           tion for Europeans retiring. Beaches, golfing, 320 daysof sun-
FAQ in the members area. Comments are subject to a               shine, cheap wine and realtively cheap eating out as well as
moderator but will likely be posted unless you wish us           rental apartments in the "Costa" beach towns goingfor $400-
not to do so.                                                    600 a month. Different lifestyles depending onwhich area you
                                                                 decide to live in.
                              Expat World Page 6                              October 2011
                                                               leisure industry. Then again, it does not have to. As North
                    AROUND                                     Korea's latest venture into the tourism business, it need
                                                               not concern itself with rivals. There are none! The trick,
                   THE WORLD                                   as its operators conceded, will be to attract enough vaca-
                   WITH EXPAT                                      Desperate for foreign currency, officials in secretive
                                                               North Korea are trying to lure tourists to holiday cruises
                     WORLD                                     along the length of the impoverished country's east coast.
                                                               This month, a trial run by the rusty Mangyongbong was
                                                               completed in 43 trying hours at sea. More than 200 people
    GERMANY -- BONN STREET WALKERS TO BE                       were packed into dim and musty cabins, sometimes eight
TAXED VIA CONVERTED PARKING METERS -- The                      to a room with mattresses on the floor. Chinese tourists
German city of Bonn has introduced "parking meters"            and businesspeople shared quarters with North Korean
for prostitutes in an attempt to tax the world's oldest pro-   officials and foreign journalists. The inaugural cruise pre-
fession. Prostitutes working the streets of the old West       sumably had support at the highest levels in Pyongyang.
German capital now have to buy tickets from converted          The organizer, Taepung International Investment Group,
roadside vending machines that once dispensed tickets to       falls under the National Defense Commission, which an-
drivers. A night's ticket will cost ($8.00), irrespective of   swers directly to the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il.
the number of clients they have. The machines also tell            The price for the trip was about $470 for the 5 day trip
users the times of day when a ticket is necessary: Between     down the peninsula. The return part of the trip took 22
8.15Pm and 6am daily.                                          hours . On arriving close the departure port and just before
    A Bonn city council spokeswoman said the move is           a departure lunch of instant noodles, the harbor at Rajin
"an act of tax fairness" as prostitutes in "fixed establish-   could be seen. The ship slowly approached the dock and
ments such as brothels and sauna clubs already pay tax".       just to keep the tone of the trip intact, a great crashing
Following complaints from residents that their roads and       sound was heard. The Mangyongbong (cruise ship) shud-
gardens were being used as locations for sexual acts, the      dered like the Titanic for it rammed straight into the dock,
city allocated six closed-off parking places for prostitutes   denting seriously the front of the hull and reducing a cor-
and their clients.                                             ner of the structure into a pile of rubble. The captain it
    MACAU -- GAMBLING REVENUES SKY-                            seems was just as anxious to get off this ship as anyone
ROCKET -- Gambling revenue in Macau rose 57 per cent           else. The second cruise is indefinately postponed????
last month from August a year earlier to a new record,             AUSTRALIA -- MELBOURNE IS THE WORLD'S
boosted by high rollers from mainland China.                   MOST LIVEABLE CITY -- according to the Economist
    Gambling revenue in Macau, the only place in China         Intelligence Unit survey. Autralia's second largest city,
where casino gam bling is legal, rose to 24.77 billion pat-    Melbourne, has been rated the best city in the world to
acas ($3.0 billion) last month, from 15.77 billion patacas     live in, edging ahead of Vancouver, Canada. Melbourne
a year earlier, according to Macau's Gaming Inspection         topped the 140 cities with a score of 97.4 percent just
and Coordination Bureau.                                       beating Vancouver at 97.3 percent. The top ten included
    Macau overtook the Las Vegas Strip as the world's          three other Australian cities: Sydney at 6th, while Perth
biggest gambling market in 2006 and is poised to rake in       and Adelaide were in joint 8th position. Among other
five times the Strip's gambling revenue this year. Mean-       well know cities Honk Kong was 31st and San Francisco
while, Singapore is set to edge out Las Vegas for the No       and Singapore came in 51st. London and New York were
2 position this year.                                          ranked 53rd and 56th respectively.
    In Macau, US casino companies Las Vegas Sands,                 SCOTLAND -- SCOTLAND TO BECOME THIRD
Wynn Resorts and MGM Resorts have been benefiting              WORLD ECONOMY BY 2030 -- due to low living stan-
from the strong growth at their local units to offset the      dards and a slow economy, economists have warned. Scot-
slow recovery in Las Vegas. Nonetheless, the market's          land lacks entrepreneurship, misspends money and suffers
largest operator remains local magnate Stanley Ho's SJM        from too much government intervention. The country's
Holdings, which accounts for about a third of Macau's          slow growth means that in less of 20 years, it will have
gambling revenue.                                              the same living standards as Korea, Poland and Turkey,
    NORTH KOREA -- A RUST BUCKET CRUISE                        which are rapidly catching up. Scotland will be "merely a
LINER -- It was billed as a cruise ship, but the creaking,     Third World tourist destination" by 2030.
nearly 40-year-old vessel that set sail from the remote            TRISTAN da CUNHA -- LIFE ON THE WORLD’S-
North Korean town of Rajin had more of the trappings of        LONELIEST ISLAND, A TOURIST'S VIEW ---From 50
a tramp steamer. With its cramped cabins, cut-rate cuisine     miles, it was a patch of cloud on the blue horizon. From
and foul, water-deprived bathrooms, it was not about to        20 miles, it was a perfect pyramid rising out of an empty
compete anytime soon with Cunard or Carnival in the            ocean. Closer, I could see grazing sheep and cattle, a scat-

                             Expat World Page 7                           October 2011
tering of cottages, and a church or two clinging to a           back, and there most have stayed.
meadow at the base of an enormous, still-sputtering vol-            Island life is so simple and so remote from the concerns
cano.                                                           of what the older citizens—some of whom still speak in
    The isolated speck I was about to visit was Tristan da      an old-fashioned manner with “thee”s and “thou”s— call
Cunha, a lingering possession of the Britisg Empire and         “the houtside warl.” The women tend to perform the cler-
the world’s most isolated inhabited island.Tristan da           ical and retail jobs. They keep the books, run the shop,
Cunha is actually an archipelago of four islands, but only      pub, and post office and knit sweaters and socks from the
one+\called Tristan da Cunha Island — is inhabited. Home        abundant local wool. The men handle the basic trades,
to 269 residents, it is located in the far South Atlantic,      and each family does its own baking and butchering.
over 2000 miles, or six days’ sailing, from the coast of            Thirty-eight of the island’s inhabitants are employed
Brazil and almost 1750 miles from the nearest coastline         as fishermen. When the village bell tolls to announce that
of South Africa.                                                the weather is clement enough for an official fishing day,
    Tristan da Cunha Island was settled in 1816 by British      the men take off on boats to hunt for giant crawfish in the
marines sent to guard Napoleon, who was in exile on St.         deep ocean. Because the South Atlantic is so stormy, only
Helena, 1300 miles to the north. When the garrison left         65 to 70 days every year are suitable for fishing.
16 months later, one marine chose to remain. He was                 Crawfish tails are Tristan’s main export. The seafood
                                                                is processed and sent to Cape Town and on to Japan and
joined over time by sailors from passing ships and ship-
                                                                New York, where it fetches sizable sums. Still, the is-
wrecks— and imported woman Hagan, Swain,
                                                                landers are not rich by any means.
Rogers,Green, Lavarello, Repetto, and Glass. Because of             "We know about the outside world," says a girl in the
intermarriage, many of them look strikingly similar——           internet cafe, hammering away at an email to a pen-friend.
tall with pale brown skin.                                      We see videos and are quite up to date. The boys follow
    THE ONLY WAY TO get into Tristan’s tiny harbor is           football. If it wasn’t for the internet, this would be a very
to be brought in on a longboat. A group of passengers           lonely place."
from our small cruise ship opted to go. Riding in on                UNITED KINGDOM -- UK PATIENTS TO BE EX-
choppy waves, we experienced a, moment of sheer terror          AMINED ON SKYPE -- Patients in the United Kingdom
before the harbor wall enfolded us, the waters quieted,         will be able to hold online consultations with doctors as
and muscular hands reached down to haul us onto land. A         part of plans to technologically revolutionize the National
guide with a battered bus took us to the island’s sole set-     Health Service (NHS), according to its medical director.
tlement, Edinburgh-of-the-Seven-Seas.                           Professor Sir Bruce Keogh said information technology
    In Edinburgh, we were shown the local sights— the           will "completely change the way we deliver medicine",
British Administrator’s office, an internet cafe, a pub (The    making access to doctors at any time a reality and giving
Albatross), a shop, a supermarket, a golf course, a swim-       patients the ability to talk to specialists anywhere in the
ming pool, a post office. What you will not find anywhere       country.
on Tristan: a movie theater, a restaurant, traffic lights.          The health expert told The Times newspaper that he
                                                                was looking at using online services such as Skype to
    Some of us went up a spur of the volcano, a black fin-
                                                                make the NHS more convenient for users.
ger of rock that extends down into a meadow above the
                                                                    Doctors, leaders and patient groups, however, warned
pub— a reminder of the power beneath the earth.                 that the Internet should not become a means to cut access
    Geologists consider the volcano still active, and at the    to doctors or transfer out-of-hours care to overseas call
top we could smell puffs of gas being emitted. “It makes        centers, but admitted budget cuts could force the NHS to
a lot of our people sick, all the sulphur,” the guide told      rethink the way services are provided.
us.                                                                 JAPAN -- It’s Not Fun Anymore -- An expat friend's
    Above our heads circled petrels and other squalling         story of his departing relationship with Japan. "I’ve lived
birds (the archipelago is prized by scientists for its biodi-   in Japan for a long time. When I first came here, I liked
versity). And that was about all there was to see on Tristan.   living here. Now, I don’t. I haven’t changed. Japan hasn’t
Leading some visitors to wonder: Why would anyone               really changed, either. Something else, however, has."
want to live here?                                                  "Maybe all three of these things are part of the same
    At one point in the last 50 years, ‘in fact, all the is-    problem. I live in Tokyo and I have for many years, and
landers were forced to leave. In 1961, the volcano sud-         that I do understand that many of the complaints here are
denly exploded, raining rocks and lava and fire on the          maybe particular to Tokyo. Maybe if I moved out to Os-
houses. The terrified population of 270 people (the number      aka, things would be better. What things, though?
varies little year after year) was eventually taken to Eng-         Well it's more than Expat World can tell you here but
land and put up at a disused army base. Even though they        we will send you via email a FREE +50 page booklet on
                                                                his story entitled: An EXPAT'S TALE OF JAPAN -- Japan
were exposed to the delights of modem technology—
                                                                It's Not Fun Anymore! Just send us your email address
cars, phones, elevators, all of which they’d never seen
                                                                and ask for "An Expat's Tale of Japan." Send it to
before— they were homesick and voted almost unani-     Cap’n Jack will get it to you
mously to return. Two years later, a ship brought them          pronto.
                              Expat World Page 8                           October 2011
                                                         BIG BROTHER 201
                                         George Orwell in 1984 would have never thought of such methods
                                         for BIG BROTHER to steal our human individual existance. Read
                                         on and learn the newest ways Big Brother governments are treating
                                         you as a commodity to be controlled and manipulated.

                    TEN New Ways That The Government Will Be
                    Spying On You And ControllingYour Behavior
    Are you ready for Big Brother 201? If you think that       one day become mandated by governments. For example,
the hundreds of ways that that BIG BROTHER govern-             someday you may berequired to have an “electronic skin
ments watch, monitor, track and control us now are bad,        tatoo” in order to prove your identity or to participate in
just wait until you see what is coming. We live in an age      commerce. Also, it is not toofar of a stretch to imagine
when paranoia is running wild. As technology continues         that “skin-mounted electronics” could be used to control
to develop at an exponential pace, governments all over        large populations. Just remember, ifyou connect yourself
the globe aregoing to discover a multitude of new ways         physically to the Internet, that also means that the Internet
to spy on us and control our behavior. In a world where        is connected to you..
everyone is a“potential terrorist”, we are told that things
like liberty, freedom and privacy are “luxuries” that we          2. According to a shocking document obtained by
can no longer afford.We are assured that if we just allow      Oath Keepers, the FBI is now instructing store owners to
the government to watch all of us and investigate all of       report manynew forms of “suspicious activity”to them.
us that somehow that willkeep us all safe. But it isn’t just   According to the document, “suspicious activity” now
the government that is watching us. Now we are being           includes....
taught to spy on one another andto report any trace of
“suspicious activity” to the government immediately. The           • paying with cash
entire civilized world is being trans-formed into one giant        • missing a hand or fingers
prison grid, and many of the new technologies that are             •”strange odors”
now being introduced are going to makethings even worse.           • making “extreme religious statements”
The following are 10 new ways that the government will             • ”radical theology”
                                                                   • purchasing weatherproofed ammunition or
be spying on you and controlling yourbehavior.....
                                                                   match containers
                                                                   • purchasing meals ready to eat
    1. Are you ready for “electronic skin tattoos”? One            • purchasing night vision devices, night flash-
team of researchers has created an extremely thin, ex-             lights or gas masks
tremely flexible“smart skin” that will open up a whole
new world of possibilities. Wearing “skin-mounted elec-           According to WorldNetDaily, this document is part of
tronics” might seem likea great idea to tech geeks, but it     a “series of brochures” that will be distributed “to farm
also could create a whole lot of new problems. The fol-        supplystores, gun shops, military surplus stores and even
lowing is how an article in one UKnewspaper described          hotels and motels.”.
this new breakthrough.... The “epidermal electronic sys-
tem” relies on a highly flexible electricalcircuit composed        3. The U.S. military has developed an invisible “pain
of snake-like conducting channels that can bend and            ray” that is remarkably effective. The following is how a
stretch without affecting performance. The circuitis about     recentarticle posted on Alternet described this weapon....
the size of a postage stamp, is thinner than a human hair      It sounds like a weapon out of Star Wars. The Active De-
and sticks to the skin by natural electrostatic forcesrather   nial System,or ADS, works like an open-air microwave
than glue.                                                     oven, projecting a focused beam of electromagnetic radi-
    Yes, this kind of technology would be a great way to       ation to heat the skinof its targets to 130 degrees. This
connect wirelessly to the Internet and it would be help-       creates an intolerable burning sensation forcing those in
fulfor doctors that need to monitor their patients, but the    its path to instinctively flee (aresponse the Air Force dubs
potential for abuse is also there. Once this type of tech-     the “goodbye effect”). Sadly, this weapon is already being
nologybecomes widespread, governments will be able to          used in American prisons.How long will it be before it is
monitor the location and activities of their citizens like     used on the general population?
never before.In addition, this type of technology could            4. Be careful about what you put up on Facebook or
                             Expat World Page 9                           October 2011
Twitter. Law enforcement agencies all over the globe are       data from mostbrands of cell phones. The handheld ma-
now focusingon social media as never before. For exam-         chines have various interfaces to work with different mod-
ple, the NYPD has just created a special “social media”        els and can even bypasssecurity passwords and access
unit dedicated tolooking for criminals on Facebook and         some information.
Twitter.                                                           10. LRAD sound cannons are already been used by
    5. Facial recognition technology has now come of           law enforcement authorities to disperse large crowds inside
age. With the millions of security cameras that are going      the United States. So how much “damage” can sound do?
up all over theworld, such technology is proving to be         Well, it turns out that sound can actually do a whole lot
very useful for law enforcement authorities. In fact, police   of damage.The following is how Alternet describes these
in London are using itto track down people that were in-       cruel weapons....
volved in the London riots. The following is an excerpt            The Long Range Acoustic Device, or LRAD, built
from a recent CBC report thatdescribed these efforts....       by American Technology Corporation, focuses and broad-
Facial recognition technology being considered for Lon-        casts sound over ranges of up to hundreds of yards. LRAD
don’s 2012 Games is getting a workout in the wake of           has been around for years, but Americans first took notice
Britain’s riots, with officers feeding photographs of sus-     whenpolice used it in Pittsburgh to ward off protesters at
pects through Scotland Yard’s newly updated face-match-        the 2009 G-20 summit.
ing program. Facial recognition technology is rapidly go-          It is generally used in two ways: as a megaphone to
ing to become part of our everyday lives. In fact, now         order protesters to disperse; or, if they disobey, as an “ear-
even Facebook is using it. Eventually it is going to be-       splitting siren” to drive them away.
come very difficult to avoid the reach of this technology.         While LRAD may not be deadly, it can permanently
    6. “Smart meters” are going into homes all over North      damage hearing, depending on how it’s used. LRAD sound
America and Europe. These smart meters monitor your            cannons do not discriminate. When they are being used
home every single minute of every single day and they          to disperse protesters, any innocent bystanders in the area
transmit very sophisticated data about your personal be-       will be affected as well. If anyone gets too close to an
havior back to the utility company. They are already be-       LRAD sound cannon while it is in use, permanent damage
ing used by police all over the United States in drug          can result. Small children and the elderly are particularly
cases. If a smart meter catches youusing an “unusual”          vulnerable. Sadly, the use of LRAD sound cannons is be-
amount of energy there is a good chance that your home         coming morecommon. In fact, they have even been used
will be raided.                                                to break up college block parties.
    The European Parliament has set a goal of having               So is this the kind of world that you want to live in?
smart meters in the homes of 80 percent of all electricity     Do you want your children and grandchildren to live in
consumers bythe year 2020, and Barack Obama is working         aworld where liberty and freedom are all but forgotten?
very hard to get them into as many American homes as               This world is headed toward a very dark place. These
he can.                                                        “Big Brother” technologies are going to become even
    7. Our children are being trained to accept being under    morepervasive and even more oppressive. If this trend is
surveillance almost constantly. For example, the U.S. De-      not stopped now, someday these technologies will get
partmentof Agriculture is spending huge amounts of             into some veryevil hands, and then all hell will be un-
money to install surveillance cameras in the cafeterias        leashed. So what do all of you think about these “Big
of U.S. public schools so that government control freaks       Brother” technologies? Pleasefeel free to email a com-
can closely monitor what our children are eating.              ment with your opinion to
    8. Perhaps you thought that only Tom Cruise had to         we may use them ANONYMOUSLY, unless you say
worry about “pre-crime”. Well, now “pre-crime” is pop-         otherwise, in a follow up article in November's Expat
ping up in the real world too. The Florida State Department    World.
of Juvenile Justice has announced that it will begin using
analysis software to predict crime by young delinquents
and will place “potential offenders” in specific prevention
and education pro-grams.
    9. According to the ACLU, state police in Michigan
are now using “extraction devices” to download data from
the cell phones of motorists that they pull over. This is
taking place even if those pulled over are not accused of
doing anything wrong.
    The following is how an article on CNET News de-
scribed the capabilities of these “extraction devices”....
The devices, sold by a company called Cellebrite, can
download text messages, photos, video, and even GPS
                             Expat World Page 10                             October 2011
 RETIRING TO ECUADOR                                                                 GOVERNMENT
        . . . The REAL STORY                                                With the chaos going in the US government and with-
                                                                        many governments the world over, your editor of Expat
    If you are thinking about a place to retire where your              World keeps the TO BE GOVERNED pronouncement
Yankee dollar goes a long way and the countries condi-                  below prominently in front of him at his desk, always to
tions are generally pretty good with lots of amenities that             be reminded of the state that supposedly FREE MEN are
expats and retirees want, then the advice of many “inter-               in today.
national” magazines and journalists has been “think no
furthur, head to Ecuador. Your editor here at EW has read                     TO BE GOVERNED
so many wonderful, glowing reports about retirement in                     To be governed is to be watched, inspected,
Ecuador, that he actually went on a look-see trip to find
                                                                        spied upon, directed, law-driven, numbered,
out for himself. He was impressed by the apparent condi-
tions, costs and amenities that retirees and expat alike ex-            regulated, enrolled, indoctrinated, preached
pect. But even with the glowing reports of most all writers             at, controlled, checked, estimated, valued,
and international living type magazines (who by the way,                censured, commanded, by creatures who
many have a vested interest in promoting Ecuador for re-                have neither the right nor the wisdom nor the
tirement), on our visit something just wasn’t kosher.                   virtues to do so .
    So we found an expat resident in the place who wrote
a report entitled “ECUADOR, THE                                            To be governed is to be at every operation,
UGLY TRUTH ABOUT THIS MUCH                                              at every transaction noted, registered,
TOUTED RETIREMENT PARADISE.”                                            counted, authorized, admonished, prevented,
If you are in anyway thinking of moving to                              forbidden, reformed, corrected, punished.
Ecuador for along term stay you MUST
read this report. It will be the best $20 spent                            It is, under pretext of public utility, and in
of your future retirement income.                                       the name of the general interest, to be placed
    We here at Expat World don’t hype many books but                    under contribution, drilled, fleeced, exploited,
we do like our readers to know the Real Story about any                 monopolized, extorted from, squeezed
expat, retirement haven. All we will say is when you read               hoaxed, robbed; then, at the slightest
this book you will be told the truth, and nothing but the
                                                                        resistance, the first word of complaint, to be
truth about retiring in Ecuador as seen by the author and
your editor after his visit there. Don’t get me wrong,                  repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted
Ecuador can be a very nice short term stay with it’s beau-              down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound,
tiful beaches, ranges in climates, culture, inexpensive                 repressed, fined, vilified, harassed, hunted
housing and food, etc, but for full time retirement you                 down, abused, clubbed, disarmed, bound,
have to read ECUADOR THE UGLY TRUTH ABOUT                               choked, imprisoned, judged, condemned, shot,
THIS MUCH-TOUTED RETIREMENT PARADISE.                                   deported, sacrificed, sold, betrayed; and to
    LET EW give you a web contact address where you                     crown all, mocked, ridiculed, derided,
can get this report delivered to you instantly in PDF for-
                                                                        outraged, dishonored.
mat.       Just       click        on      this    address: (or transfer it into your                  THAT IS GOVERNMENT, THAT IS
web browser and you’ll be right. By the way, tragic as                  JUSTICE; THAT IS MORALITY."
many of the events are in this book, it’s written in a hu-
                                                                                                 PJ. Proudhon
morous manner that you just have to enjoy even if you
don’t agree with the contents. Get it today.                                PS: Make a copy of the above for display where it will do
                                                                        the most good or you can get a beautiful printed, graphics en-
                                                                        hanced A-4 size suitable for framing copy we have at Expat
       DO YOU NEED A COLLEGE DEGREE?                                    World. Just go to www.expatworld .org or
           AN ALTERNATIVE DEGREE                                        and go to special services and enter $10 and complete the shop-
 Expat World knows of a U.K. International University that is           ping basket order form and we’ll have this document airmailed
 accredited and can verify your transcripts to employers and            to you pronto.Editor-- Expat World
 others that you have a qualified degree from their university.
 Their degree is based on U.K. law and on life experience,               Want to Change or Add To the Governments You Answer to?
 partial college work, apprenticeships, diploma's, etc. that you
 can verify. They assess all you present and you may then                EW has found a second nationality situation that has been
 become a degree holder, BS, MS, PHD.                                    running successfully for many years now. In our opinion it is the
                   Extremely reasonable fees!                            best deal in the second nationality/PP business today.
          Want more info? Email:
               with "degree" in the subject heading.                      For full details send an email to

                                       Expat World Page 11                               October 2011
                                                                                                            AMSTERDAM | Fri Oct 7, 2011
                                                                                                            (Reuters) - Members of the Dutch
                                                                                                            Senate, or upper house of parliament,
                                                                                                            won't strain their backs or weigh
                                                                                                            down their bike panniers by carrying
                                                                                                            stacks of printed documents from
                                                                                                            work anymore, since they are all
                                                                                                            now expected to work on their Apple

                                                                                  MP’s vote to ban burqa –Geneva: Swiss parlimaentarians
                                                                                  yesterday approved a far-right ban on the burqa and other face
                                                                                  coverings in some public places, including public transport.
                                                                                      If passed, the Swiss will join the French and Dutch who
                                                                                  have both recently banned the veils.  Belgium is also debating
                                                                                  a ban in Parliment.

As seen in the Daily Reporter, Spencer IA,                                                       Vaccine could reduce HIV
October 31, 1996                                As he stopped befroe the door,
                                                and                                              to ‘minor infection’
    The Hundred-                                Raising up his arms he hollered
                                                                                                  London — HIV could be reduced to a
                                                Like I’d never heard before.
     Year Legend                                                                                  “minor chronic infection” akin to herpes,
                                                                                                  scientist developing a new vaccine have
By Kathryn Whitrock, Milford                    I stood frozen in my tracks
                                                So afraid, I couldn’t move,
                                                                                                    Spanish researchers found that 22 out of
Our Town is a quiet an peacful place,           Thinking of this reckless dare,
                                                                                                  24 healthy people (92 percent) developed
Neighborly folks with country ways,             The bravery I was to prove.
                                                                                                  na immune response to HIV after being
The kind of place that city people imagine
                                                                                                  given their MVA-B vaccine.
When they talked of “the good old days.”        Suddenly, there was an asful scream.
                                                                                                    Professor Mariano Esteban, head
But here is a tale I muste tell you, of Queer   That richocheted thorugh the night.
                                                                                                  researcher on the project at the National
events a long time ago, When a stranger         Then the blackness inside the house
                                                                                                  Biotech Center in Madird, said of the jab:
stalked the dead of night. And depserate        Was dented by a candle’s light.
                                                                                                  “It’s like showing a picture of the HIV so
fear ran icy cold.
                                                                                                  that it is able to recognise it if it sees it
                                                A shadow crept across that light
                                                                                                  again in the future.”
All eyes stared as he entered town,             Of a creature that could not be.
                                                                                                   The inectioon contains four HIV genes
His long cloak snapping at the wind,            As the stranger crossed the threshold,
                                                                                                  which stimulate T and B lymphocytes,
A black hat pulled low across his eyes.         I heard the scream of the wild banshee.
                                                                                                  which are types of white blood cells.
A Satiin scarf warpped ‘round his chin.
                                                                                                    "Our body is full of lymphocytes, each of
                                                In a heartbeat all went dark again.
                                                                                                  them programmed to fight against a
He spoke few words, but those who heard         The wind had ceased to blow
                                                                                                  different pathogen.
Felt pensive and full of dread.                 Then lightening struck froom the sky above
                                                                                                    "Training is needed when it involves a
The gossip throughtout the town was of          Spreading fire to this horror below.
                                                                                                  pathogen, like the HIV one, which cannot
This mesenger from the dead.
                                                                                                  be naturally defeated".
                                                I stood terrified, courage abandoned
                                                                                                    The next step is to test it in people with
The abandoned house at the edge of town         Feeling frightfully all alone.
                                                                                                  HIV to see if it works as a "therapeutic" -
Was haunted some explained.                     Then suddenly I found I was running
                                                                                                  reducing the viral count.
Yet, determined, he kept on asking,             And didn’t stop til I reached home.
                                                                                                    Prof Esteban was optomistic, saying: “If
“What was the owner’s name?”
                                                                                                  this genetic cocktail passes Phase II and
                                                The next day I told my story.
                                                                                                  Phase III future clinic trials, and makes it
In those days, I was a young lad                They all scoffed and laughed at me.
                                                                                                  into production, in the future HIV could be
More daring than most.                          “What an imagination this boy has -
                                                                                                  compared to herpes virus nowadays."
“No dark caped stranger frightens me!”          There’s no such thing as a wild banshee!”
To my buddies did I boast.
                                                The stranger was never seen again.               BRUSSELS — Preoccupied with fears of
“Then follow him tonight,” they taunted,        Everyone wondered where he had gone.             increased migration from the south, the
“and we’ll see how brave you are.”              Only I would know the awesome truth              European Union told its two newest members,
So I set out to track him down,                 Of why that house burned down.                   Romania and Bulgaria, on Thursday that they
The sky was dark, there were no stars.                                                           would have to wait to join the bloc’s passport-
                                                Time went by and I tried to forget               free travel zone.
At midnight I caought up with him,              The events of that terrible night.                  Finland and the Netherlands objected to
Down a path of mossy stones.                    Now I’m old, but before I go                     admitting Romania and Bulgaria to an offshoot
A thin sliver of moonlight sent                 The record myst be set right.                    of the bloc known as the Schengen zone,
                                                                                                 whose members agree to trust one another’s
Shivers through my bones.
                                                                                                 border security and to allow travelers to cross
                                                They say that history repeats itself             their mutual frontiers without having to show
Just ahead was the old haunted house.           And that fact and fiction don’t mix,             a passport.
Almost hidden by dar, green vines,              But I warn you that I remember well,                Romania and Bulgaria, which joined the
It creaked and groaned as though it knew        October 31st, 1896..                             European Union in 2007, say they have met
That now had come its time.                                          —Jeremiah Wittaman          the technical standards for joining the
                                                (as told on his deathbead October 17, 1987)      Schengen zone, but the two objectors said that
The wind was howling fiercely                                                                    was not enough.
                                     Expat World Page 12                                     October 2011
     SLICE of LIFE                        provide parking for all its diplomats.            Restroom Repairs
                                            At the end of July, Indonesia owed
Diplomats owe New York millions                                                               Fix the restrooms in Waikiki that are in
                                          the city US725,000 (S$930,000) in
in parking fines.                                                                           disrepair for the locals, the visitors, the
                                          unpaid parkiing tickets, reported
JAKARTA: The Indonesian                                                                     20,000 APEC visitors and their families and
                                          Indonesia media quoting a reuters
government owes New York close                                                              the 2,000 world news reporters who will
                                          report. It is the third-biggest debtor
to a million dollars in unpaid                                                              arrive in November. Specifically, fix the
                                          to the city in unpaid parkign tickets
parking tickets and it is blaming the                                                       restrooms adjacent to the Honolulu Sub
                                          after Egype (US 1.9 million) and
US City for its lack of parking                                                             Station in Waikiki’s Kalakaua Avenue Police
                                          Nigeria (US$1 million)/
spaces.                                                                                     Department.
                                            New York City, home to 289
  “This is not a new problem. It has                                                          The restrooms in the police sub station
                                          foreign missions and consulates, is
been happening a long time, “ Mr                                                            across from the Hyatt Hotel on Kalakaua
                                          owed US$16.7 million in u npaid
Triyono Wibowo, the deputy foreign                                                          Avenue are in dire need of a complete
                                          fines by diplomats based there.
minister, todl the Jakarata Globe. Of                                                       overhaul–dirty floors and walls, stained
                                            Some Indonesian Politicians have
its 35 consulate staff in New York,                                                         urinals and old commodes with old wooden
                                          urged the goernment to pay up or
only one was assigned a parking                                                             doors. There are three old sinks, of which two
                                          risk sullying the country’s image.
space. He said the city should                                                              are inoperable and without proper towels.

              Now you can                            greenhouse gas than cremation, by
                                                     using a seventh of the energy.
                                                                                                system. Bones are removed from
                                                                                                the unit and crushed into
              dissolve your                            The process also allows for
                                                     mercury and other harmful
                                                                                                fragments in the same machine
                                                                                                used following cremation.
                loved ones                           substances from bone, teeth,
                                                     artificial joints and implants to be
                                                                                                  Mr Sullivan, a biochemist, said
                                                                                                tests have proven the effluent
              at the funeral                         separated, recovered and disposed
                                                     of more safely than in cremation, it
                                                                                                poses no risks to the environment.
                                                                                                  Resomation installed its first unit
            THOSE who sweat at the thought           says.                                      at a funeral home in St Petersburg
            of being cremated after death now          'Resomation was developed in             in Florida, one of seven states in
            can take a wet way out instead.          response to the public's increasing        the US in which the process has
              A British company has installed        environmental concerns,' company           now been legalised.
            its first 'alkaline hydrolysis' at a     founder Sandy Sullivan told BBC              He said it also hopes to roll out
            funeral home in the United States,       News.                                      the process elsewhere in the US,
            the BBC News reports.                      In its system, a body is                 Canada and Europe.
              Instead of burning bodies, it          submerged in a mixture of water              And for those still looking for
            dissolves them into a puddle in          and potassium hydroxide which is           yet another way out, Swedish
            heated alkaline water. In addition       pressurised and heated to 180 deg          biologist Susanne Wiigh-Masak
            to dousing fears of a fiery end, the     C for about three hours.                   has come up with what she calls
            process is also touted to have an          Mr Sullivan told the BBC that            Promession. In effect, it 'freeze-
            added 'green' benefit.                   this dissolves the body tissue and         dries' remains, allowing for
              Its Glasgow-based maker,               the resulting liquid is then simply        shallow burial - similar to
            Resomation, claims the body              poured into the municipal water            composting.
            liquefaction units use a third less

                                     Expat World Page 13                                     October 2011
    'Mind-reading’ device                                                              Feel Free
    recreates what                                                                     to take
                                                                                       a hack
    we see in our heads                                                                at iPhone
LONDON — Mind reading                  person was looking at.
could become a reality after             When the researchers                          Library of Congress
scientists unveiled a device           watched a                                       OKs 'jailbreaking'
which translates what we are
seeing in our heads onto a
                                       "This is a major leap
                                                                                          By Erich Schwartzel
                                       toward reconstructing                                 Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
   By monitoring the brain
activity of people while they          internal imagery. We are
                                                                                       Until this week, hacking an iPhone
watched Hollywood movie                opening a window into the                       was like jaywalking for techies:
trailers, researchers were able                                                        easy, common and illegal.
to recreate a moving picture           movies in our minds."                              But the Library of Congress has
similar to the real footage being                                                      legalized this hacking -- known as
played.                                Professor Jack Gallant,                         "jailbreaking" -- and given amnesty
While the technology is not yet        one of the study’s authors                      to the millions of users who have
capable of reading our                                                                 already done it.
                                       second set of clips, this time                    Jailbreaking allows savvy iPhone
thoughts, it could eventually
                                       Hollywood film trailers, the                    users to hack into their devices and
lead to ways of translating our                                                        run applications that weren't
                                       programme was able to produce
dreams and memories onto                                                               approved by the official Apple app
                                       an approximate version of what
screen.                                                                                store.
                                       they were watching.
   If it is refined enough the                                                            It's a popular process that's been
                                         It did this by scanning a
method could even be used to                                                           an open secret since the smart
                                       library of random YouTube                       phone premiered. Apple, known for
explore the minds of stroke
                                       videos, pulling out the most                    its tight control on all products, has
patients, experts said.
                                       similar clips to what it guessed                responded by refusing to honor
Researchers from the
                                       the person was watching, and                    warranties for jailbroken devices.
University of California,
                                       blending them together.                           The Library of Congress decision
Berkeley, used MRI scanners to                                                         has been interpreted as a victory for
                                         "This is a major leap toward
monitor the blood flow in                                                              the amateur who wants some say --
                                       reconstructing internal imagery.
people's brains as they watched                                                        and maybe some pay -- for altering
                                       We are opening a window into
films including Madagascar 2,                                                          a device's capabilities and
                                       the movies in our minds." said
Pink Panther 2 and Star Trek                                                           vulnerabilities. Companies already
                                       Professor Jack Gallant, oone of                 shell out cash to "bug hunters" who
unfold on a screen.
                                       the study’s authors.                            alert them to security gaps.
  After analysing how the
                                         The study, published in the                     It's also a victory for open-source
brain's visual centre responded
                                       Current Biology journal, is                     software, which emphasizes the
to on-screen movements, the
                                       believed to be the first                        community in improving software
scientists created a computer                                                          rather      than     one-size-fits-all
                                       experiment to successfully
program which could                                                                    corporate management.
                                       interpret brain signals as they
accurately guess what the
                                       respond to moving images.

       Drinkers in bars in towns and cities     One way could see drinkers             Figures last year suggested that
       could pay extra to help cover the      paying 5p ($0.10) more for a pint or   binge-drinking injuries cost the
       cost of clearing up the chaos caused   glass of wine.  But there are fears    National Health Service more than
       by binge drinking.                     that moderate drinkers will be         £2.7 billion ($5.3 billion) a year.
         The Liberal Democrats are            forced to pay the new tax which          The cost of clearing up alcohol-
       examining plans for a “per drink       councils may apply too widley.         related crime is estimated to be £7.3
       surcharge” that will help pay for        The new measures will be             billion a year.
       extra police, street cleaners and      debated at the Liberal Democrats         Drinking leads to a further £6
       cover the cost of treating alcohol-    conference in Birmingham next          billion in “social costs”. THE DAILY
       related health problems.               month.
                                 Expat World Page 14                                 October 2011
                                                                after filing. Neither party is required to attend the hearing,
                                                                and the divorce will normally be granted at the time of
                                                                the hearing. For an additional fee, you may be able to get
                                                                your divorce in as little as a few days. An added bonus is
                                                                that, as Guam is a territory of the United States and falls
                                                                under United States jurisdiction, the divorce will be rec-
                                                                ognized as valid in any of the fifty states. And, if appro-
                                                                priate, a decree can be granted as to marital status only,
                                                                allowing the parties to iron out property and other issues
                                                                later, even in another court.
                                                                    Here’s the tricky part: Guam actually does have a 90-
   Before you were married, you spent a full year and           day residency requirement. However, under Guam law,
thousands of dollars planning the picture perfect wedding       where both parties are in agreement regarding the divorce
ceremony. But now that the magic has faded, you want            and consent to jurisdiction, Guam is presumed to have
out . . . now! For anyone willing to spend a few bucks          jurisdiction over the parties.
and perhaps make a quick trip to a foreign land, a quickie          Additionally, Guam law does not require residency to
overseas divorce might be the perfect solution.                 be pleaded or proved, and the court is not required to
                                                                make any findings regarding residency. Finally, where
                                                                the parties have consented to the divorce, only the parties
   Plan the Perfect Divorce in just 24 hours
                                                                themselves can raise the issue of jurisdiction. This series
                                                                of loopholes operates to allow a significant number of
    If you are willing to travel outside the United States, a
                                                                Americans to obtain Guam divorces each year without
divorce in the Dominican Republic might be just the ticket
                                                                ever leaving the country.
for you. Laws in the Dominican Republic waive require-
ments such as residency and waiting periods for foreign
visitors who are in agreement and seek a mutual divorce.        Countries to avoid if you want a quick and
However, at least one party must attend the hearing on          painless divorce.
the divorce in Santo Domingo. The party who is not at-
tending the hearing must sign a special power of attorney           Mexico used to be the go-to country for the quickie
form. The good news is that the Dominican Republic is           divorce, granting divorces in as little as three hours, and
located near the U.S. Virgin Islands, a short flight from       in some cases even granting mail-order divorces. Between
Miami, Florida. There are no residency requirements and         1940 and 1960, when some states had residency require-
your divorce will be final within as little as 24 hours.        ments as long as three years, approximately 500,000
However, an important drawback to note is that not all          United States couples obtained quickie Mexican divorces.
states recognize a divorce granted in the Dominican Re-         However, many United States courts found these divorces
public. In fact, New York is one of the few states to rec-      to be invalid, particularly where the divorce was unilateral.
ognize Dominican divorces as valid. Most states, including      Tired of its reputation as the place to come for a quick di-
California, consider such divorces invalid unless the par-      vorce, and bowing to political and religious pressure,
ties first establish residency in the Dominican Republic.       Mexico enacted prohibitive and complex residency re-
Additionally, the United States Supreme Court has ruled         quirements in the early 1970s, making Mexico a poor op-
that all unilateral foreign divorces, where only one party      tion for those seeking a quick dissolution of their marital
signs the paperwork, are invalid.                               ties.
                                                                    Similarly, Haitian divorces in the Caribbean used to
    No need to step off of American soil                        be quite popular, as well as quick and easy to obtain.
    If you do not want to leave American soil and also          However, unilateral Haitian divorces are considered in-
want the best chance of having your marriage recognized         valid as a result of the Supreme Court’s ruling. As with
in the United States, Guam may be a better choice. If you       Dominican divorces, even bilateral Haitian divorces are
and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse are in agreement, you can         considered invalid in many states. Additionally, a Haitian
both sign a simple “consent to jurisdiction” form and ob-       divorce requires one party to appear in court, and it is
tain a quick and easy Guam divorce without ever leaving         now considered too dangerous to travel to Haiti due to
the United States.                                              civil unrest.
    Your divorce will be handled by a Guam attorney in              For those seeking an overseas divorce, the most im-
cooperation with a United States-based legal service spe-       portant consideration is whether the divorce will be rec-
cializing in overseas divorces. Generally, a hearing date       ognized as valid stateside. Realize that, as long as both
will be scheduled for approximately four to five weeks          parties are in agreement and the divorce is mutual, the
                                                                likelihood of the validity of the divorce ever being chal-                              Expat World Page 15                             October 2011
lenged is almost non-existent. And keep in mind that such      serves the divorce petition and summons on the wife,
challenges can happen with any divorce. For example,           who responds after accepting service and notifies the court
California courts have dealt with the issue of one spouse      that she’s in agreement and wants the divorce also.
challenging the validity of a divorce granted to the other         Under these circumstances, the divorce could probably
spouse in Nevada. In that case, the complaining spouse         not be challenged later in a collateral attack by either
attempted to prove that the divorcing party did not estab-     party since both had participated in obtaining it. They are
lish residency with the intent to remain in the state of Ne-   both estopped from attacking the divorce because they
vada permanently. Interestingly, the California court con-     both participated in obtaining it.
sidered the divorce invalid, while the Nevada court upheld         That doesn’t mean it’s really legal or even a good idea.
its validity.                                                  It simply means that the courts won’t allow a divorce that
    The bottom line is, for anyone venturing outside the       was invalid in its inception to be later attacked by either
United States to obtain a quick, overseas divorce, there       of the parties who had participated in the illegality. This
are special risks involved. Before doing so, investigate       is also known as the “clean hands” doctrine.
your options thoroughly to make sure that you meet all             Another argument would be ratification by the non-
residency and other requirements. This option should be        filing party. The husband may contend that, even if the
considered only if both parties are in agreement and the       wife didn’t participate in the divorce at the time it was
divorce will be bilateral or mutual. Finally, make sure        granted, her acting in reliance on it would bar an attack
that a divorce granted by a court in the jurisdiction of       on the divorce later on. This would be the situation where
your choice will be recognized by the United States, as        she then remarries after the divorce is granted or takes
well as the particular state in which you reside.              some other substantial action that is inconsistent with her
                                                               being married and shows that she is acting in reliance on
But Overseas Divorces Can Stand up in                          the divorce being valid.
Court.                                                             Finally, some courts have held that the failure of the
                                                               divorce defendant to challenge the foreign divorce after
    Usually American courts take a dim view of foreign         many years will bar her from attacking it. A timely attack
divorces and don’t recognize them. One possible way out        on the foreign decree is essential in these appellate deci-
for anyone, however, is based not on the validity of the       sions.
divorce but rather on the theory of estoppel.                      This is, of course, a far cry from saying that the divorce
    Here’s how it works. Where both of the parties partic-     is valid. Rather, these approaches concentrate on the di-
ipate in the foreign dissolution action, they may be           vorce being immune from attack by either party. The di-
estopped to challenge its validity in a subsequent court       vorce can, however, be attacked by an outsider, a person
action. This would be the case, for example, if the husband    who’s not a party to the illegal transaction. This could in-
files for divorce in the Dominican Republic and then           volve a prior or subsequent spouse or the child of a party.

                             Expat World Page 16                             October 2011
                                                               EX P AT A RTI ST
                                                                                         art by Gene
  Unusual Paintings for Your Home,
  Office, Collection or give as a Gift.

           Check out +100 of these valuable originals at
             pre-death prices from the Expat Artist.
                                 View at:

                                                                          Jesus from Mars..
                                                                           Artist - Gene Wasosky...
                                                                        ABOUT THE ARTIST -- Art by
                                                                      Gene is the work of Gene Wasosky,
                                                                      an expatriate of some 33 years. Born
                                                                      in the hills of Western Pennsylvania,
                                                                      Gene has lived most of his adult life
                                                                      overseas in a variety of places. His
                                                                      experiences in sights and sounds has
                                                                      colored his image of the world which
                                                                      he displays through his art in this col-
                                                                      lection called OUTRAGEOUS.

                                                                       Gene calls himself a “colorist” and
                                                                      when he puts brush to paper in both
                                                                      watercolors and oil paintings he hopes
                                                                      to add some color into the life of each
                                                                      viewer. Hopefully too, it adds some
                                                                      color to the viewers black and white
                                                                      perception of the world.

                                                                       Having a home in Hawaii as his
                                                                      USA base, Gene hopes to spend some
                                                                      of his future retirement time creating
                                                                      OUTRAGEOUS works of art from
the beaches of Hawaii. He already is established in the bohemian artist colony in
Waikiki as well as the artist scene in his present home in Singapore. Most recently
Gene had a successful show at the renown Chateau d’Arts gallery in Singapore.

THE PAINTINGS -- You will be able to view paintings from the coming exhibition
entitled OUTRAGEOUS. The specifics: name of painting, size, medium, price are
include with each piece. All are framed quite handsomely by Parklane Art Framer,
Singapore. Prices are in US dollars and does not in-
clude shipping costs. Gene can ship to anywhere in
the world.                                           Blossoming Liberty..
                                                       Artist - Gene Wasosky...                                Expat World Page 17                               October 2011

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  Your ad could be here — Seen by thousands of expats monthly. Do you have a product or service that would be of interest to expats,
 offsohre people, PT’s or other internationally thinking people? Our ads, over the alst 15 years, have a history of pulling in the customers.  All
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placing such advertisiements.
                                       Expat World Page 18                                    October 2011
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                                       Expat World Page 20                                   October 2011
               Free-Man’s                                         Bush buried the country in debt to save the banks
                                                              and Obama doubled-down at the rate of $1.5 trillion per
                Rant #2                                       year. So, what really was different?
    In my work, I need to make clear presentations of             But, facts just don’t matter. Hundreds of millions
carefully supported opinions. But all of us? including            will watch the American political death match with
me? need to unwind and gripe to our friends once in a         baited breath.
while.                                                            Obama will try anything to get an economic spike
    As it happens, quite a few EW readers are guys with       right before the election; his opponent will scream about
whom I’ve had drinks and umm... informal conversa-            unemployment from end to end. Each side will hire a
tions. And, quite a few of these conversations took place     dozen clever guys to come up with "zinger" lines to
at establishments that advertise in EW. So, I’m going to      throw at their opponents.
consider EW subscribers my wider circle of friends and            The only good thing about this circus is watching
rant a bit., Pull up a chair, pour yourself a Margarita,      Ron Paul tell the dirty truth about the Federal Reserve...
and dive in.                                                  but even that requires a lot of really fast channel flip-
    Last week it really hit me that another US political      ping.
season is descending upon us. It will utterly dominate            You know, I think I need some scotch; maybe I’ll go
any news coming out of the States and a big share of the      raid the liquor cabinet.
news elsewhere. I am not looking forward to this.                 Paul Rosenberg is considered by some critics to be
    For one thing, people will care more about lying po-      the new Ayn Rand — starting with his seminal work A
litical candidates than anything else in their lives.         Lodging of Wayfaring Men. It's setting is the "new
They’ll be sucked into the insane obsession that politics     world" that is our world right now. You can find his
is the central issue of their existence. They’ll ignore       many books at Paul speaks often
their work, their families, almost anything. They’ll prac-    at freedom fests around the world and is one of the more
tically hate people that think the "other candidate" is       thoughtful and articulate advocates of a way of life that
better... in fact, a lot of them will hate people that sup-   just "by-passes" government.
port the other party. It is utterly out of bounds.                To read a past issue of Free Man's Perspective or to
    Last time, we were treated a rather nasty old man         order, visit
and a guy with a messiah complex. And, we had the
Sarah Palin phenomenon: One side of the fight was not
content to say, “the lady is incorrect,” or, “I very much
disagree.” Instead, they were driven to express their
                                                                         THE DIRTY DOZEN
compulsive hatred in ever louder, viler and more public                                    Check out our privacy re-
ways.                                                                                   ports called the DIRTY
    Who will it be this time? Maybe we’ll get a double-                                    DOZEN. Theses contain
hate-fest, with one guy on each side serving as the des-                                hard to find information at
ignated monster?                                                                        prices that are unbelievably
    The truth is that both parties suck. The guys from                                  cheap. The originals costing
Party A will spend oceans of energy to protect their guy                                $50 - $100. In our PDF format-
(who is a liar), and the guys from Party B will spend                                   ted download they are $20 or
oceans of energy defending their guy (who is also a                                     much cheaper by the dozen.
liar). And at the end of the whole thing, it won’t matter ?                             Have a look!
there won’t be any real difference between what Politi-
cian A and Politician B actually do in office.                   Bet you will buy at least one for the prices really are
    Bush gave us Afghanistan and Iraq; Obama kept             unbelievable. Go to or
them both going and added Sudan, Yemen and Libya. At and take a gander.
this point, more soldiers have died in Afghanistan under
Obama than under Bush.                            Expat World Page 21                          October 2011
                      LESSONS IN HISTORY
    Have you ever wondered who first uttered the                Halloween Traditions
phrase: “You Gotta Be Shittin’ Me?”
    Well, it just so happens to have originated way back          Costumes: Dressing in costumes
when George Washington was crossing the Delaware             has its roots in the Pagan Celtic roots
river with his troops. There were 33 in Washington ‘s        of Samhain. One theory is they
                                                             dressed as ghouls to fool evil spirits
boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and       let loose on October 31, so they
the water was tossing them about.                            would not be possessed by these spir-
    Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (re-         its. Another theory is they dressed in
member this name) and stationed him at the front of the      costume just for fun, and to make
boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it,     mischief. Yet another theory is that
                                                             faeries would dress as beggars asking
so they could see where they were heading.                   for food, which would also be the
    Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, con-     origins of the "trick or treat" practice. After the Catholic
tinued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and         Church replaced Samhain with All Saints Day, people would
forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw      dress as dead Saints and devils for their festivities.
Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.                Trick or Treat: This practice might have had it's start in
                                                             the legend from Celtic days that faeries would dress as beg-
Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour        gars going from door to door asking for food, and those that
trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of      did not show hospitality would be harshly dealt with by these
them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their   magical faeries. On All Souls Day, the poor would beg for
favorites.                                                   "Soul Cakes" (sweet pastries) in exchange for prayers for
    Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on      their departed loved ones, expediting their passage to heaven.
                                                             Sometimes costumed groups would sing and perform in ex-
the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the    change for food, ale, or money. In the United Kingdom, Guy
troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour      Fawkes effigies to be burned were prepared by children, go-
later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’   ing door to door, asking for a penny for Guy, on Guy Fawkes
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge          Day.
house. What they didn’t know was that this was a house            Bonfires: These have two origins. The first is the sacred
                                                             ritual of extinguishing home fires, and one sacred bonfire is lit
of ill repute, hidden in The forest to serve all who came.   in each town for the end of the New Year. Some say the rea-
    General Washington pounded on the door, his men          son home fires were extinguished is to scare away evil spirits
crowding around him. The door swung open, and much           from homes, while others say that home fires were supposed
to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile        to be lit from embers from the sacred bonfire to start the New
came across her face, to see so many men standing            Year. The second origin was from Guy Fawkes Day in the
                                                             United Kingdom to burn effigies of the Catholic pope, and
there..                                                      later of Guy Fawkes himself.
    Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am               Apples: A seasonal fruit, and also the symbol of the Ro-
General George Washington and these are my men. We           man goddess Pomona, commonly thought at the time to pos-
are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth       sess qualities of knowledge, resurrection, and immortality.
and comfort.’                                                Bobbing for apples, peeling a long apple peel, and other ma-
                                                             nipulations of the fruit were thought to foretell the future, on
    Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing          this night of Samhain.
there, and with a broad smile on her face, said,                  Jack o'lanterns: From the Irish folk tale of Jack, who
    ‘Well, General, you have come to the right place. We     tricked the devil, but was not allowed in heaven or in hell.
can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many             The devil, taking pity of Jack, gave him an ember to light his
men do you have?’                                            way on his eternal walks on Earth, carried in a hollowed out
                                                             turnip. Because of their size and availability, pumpkins were
    Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are 32 of        substituted for turnips in the United States. The Celtics did
us without Peters ...’                                       use a hollowed out rutabaga to carry an ember from the sacred
    And the Madam said, ‘You gotta be shittin me.’           Samhain bonfire home to light their home fires, but the signif-
                                                             icance and relation to the Irish tale of Jack is unknown.
                                                                  Ghost Stories: Ghost stories probably have their roots in
                                                             the original Celtic belief that the spirits of the dead (both good
                                                             and bad) wandered the Earth on October 31 (Samhain). Later,
                                                             when the church replaced Samhain with All Saints Day and
                                                             All Souls Day, the dead were remembered, and spoken about.
                                                             In the United States today, they are used to amuse and scare
                                                             children (and some adults) to get them in the "spirit" of Hal-
                           Expat World Page 22                               October 2011
                                                                      spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do
                                                                      you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers
                                                                      would not be enough.
                                                                          At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that
                                                                      I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the
                                                                      forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other
                                                                      colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained
                                                                      space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospi-
                                                                      tal garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when
                                                                      you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you
                                                                      are actually naked.
                                                                          Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in
                                                                      my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was
                                                                      very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me
                                                                      that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was
                                                                      ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered
                                                                      what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to
                                                                      the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose
  COLONOSCOPY JOURNAL                                                 Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
                                                                          When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the
(If you've had a colonoscophy you know this is true)
                                                                      procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an
    I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to
                                                                      anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I
make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
                                                                      knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seri-
    A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color
                                                                      ously nervous at this point.
diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all
                                                                          Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesi-
over the place, at one point passing briefly through Min-
                                                                      ologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
                                                                      There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the
    Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in
                                                                      songwas ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy
a thorough,reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thought-
                                                                      that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particu-
fully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my
                                                                      lar procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropri-
brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
                                                                      ate. ‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere
                                                                      behind me. ‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I
    I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a
                                                                      had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeam-
prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in
                                                                      ish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in ex-
a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss
                                                                      plicit detail, exactly what it was like.
MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must
                                                                          I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.
                                                                      ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tam-
    I spent the next several days productively sitting around
                                                                      bourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room
being nervous.Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I be-
                                                                      waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at
gan my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I
                                                                      me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more
didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth,
                                                                      excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my
which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the
                                                                      colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been
evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of pow-
                                                                      prouder of an internal organ.
der together in a oneliter plastic jug, then you fill it with luke-
warm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a
liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole                       On the subject of Colonoscopies ..
jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and              Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the
here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal
                                                                      exam were quite humorous!!!!! A physician claimed that the
cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
    The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by some-           following are actual comments made by his patients (predom-
body with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,      inately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of              1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man
                                                                               has gone before!’
like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experi-            2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
ence contact with the ground.                                             3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
    MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too                4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?            5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’
This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the              6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a                  7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..’
seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to                8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
thebathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.                9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you                  10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far           11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
                                                                          And the best one of all:
as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start elimi-        12. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my
nating food that you have not even eaten yet.                                   head is not up there?’
    After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The
next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nerv-            EW thanks again the funny man Dave Barry, writer,
ous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had            humorist for this article.
been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
                                   Expat World Page 23                               October 2011
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