Swedes you're doomed

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					Swedes, you're doomed

By: Jagoda Radojcic

Dear Swedes, I am writing you this so that later you can’t tell you didn’t know, or that no one has
warned you on time. Namely, since you are ignorant, naive in the extreme and democratic decadence,
a few days ago in Riksdagen parliament is ratified the treaty on Croatian accession to the European
Union, with 280 votes for and 20 against, you had no idea what did you got yourself into. Seem that
the only to have realized are Swedish Democrats, Eurosceptic party on the right of the political
spectrum, who voted against. If you have, for example, equally reckless flew into federation with the
planet on which live bloodthirsty Tyrannosaurus, or that you voluntarily choose to pay out all Greek
debt, you’d be in less trouble.

Is it clear to you, dear Swedes, that all political entities (whether any federal or confederal) in which
Croatia has ever participated in its history – was bloody disintegrated? Where is today Byzantium? Or
Illyria? Do you remember any of the powerful Frankish empire? Where did gone the Kingdom of
Hungary and the country's crown of St. Stephen, the Turkish Empire, the Austrian Empire, the Austro-
Hungarian Empire, the Kingdom of Yugoslavia, Communist Yugoslavia? Each of these decays was
accompanied by a huge number of deaths, destruction. Why would anyone normal afford themselves
and their posterity a similar fate?

What we’ll do first in couple of months, being together in confederal community? We will visit you!
Mass. Below two, three million Croatian visitors do not count. If every Croatian visitor during that visit
snatch only one sheep, which is nothing considering our international reputation, you’ll loose entire
livestock. Also, we never go to visit and then come back, Oh, no. When we get somewhere, there’s no
way that we’ll stay less than 400, 500 years. Fuck short-term visits.
Dear Swedes. In the collective memory of each of us are still alive the memory of the promise of
integration which our ancestors gave to foolish Illyrians many centuries ago. Immediately after the
integration, several million Croats came as guests to Illyrians. The consequences of the
Croatian/Illyrian integration was that the Illyrians no longer exist (permanently erased from the face of
the earth), and in places where it once was the land of the Illyrians, today is Croatia. Integration is in
our blood. If for a decade or two, we don’t integrate with someone, we get itchy, quarrelsome.

Of all the types of integration, we favor financial integrations. Our ancestors had for centuries been
successfully dealing with this type of business activity: they would find somewhere in the mountains
rich caravan, then beautifully integrate their property and then wiped. We used to charge into the other
shore of the Adriatic and integrate various Italian ships, and we have integrated everything from the
immediate neighborhood - cattle, women, cereal ... Precision historians have spotted a pattern: we’ve
never successfully integrated with poorer than us (If by any chance something like that happened, we
would quickly run away from such integration). Anyway, let's face it, who benefits from such
integration? But when integrating with, for example, one Sweden, a country with a GDP of 300 billion
dollars, with 31.5 thousand dollars per capita, every honest Croat face stretches into a cryptic smile.

Dear Swedes. If after your naive ratifying the Treaty on Croatian accession to the European Union you
notice a Croat with hands in his pockets, and a toothpick in his mouth, staring at your Norrland,
Svealand and Götaland, you should know that he came to carefully inspect the property before it is
integrated. For the next 400, 500 years.

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