Its all a bunch of words_ right.rtf by censhunay

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									                                     Mind Nuggets


By
Brian Montgomery



Copyright 2011
Brian Montgomery


Published by Brian Montgomery at Smashwords


This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold
or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person,
please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and
did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to
Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work
of this author.
First of all, forgive me for I know not what I do. I mean, I know not “exactly” what I
do…for sure. I think what I’m doing is jotting down random articles from my brain,
arranging them haphazardly, uploading them on the internet (whatever the hell that really
is), and praying to my various gods that someone like you might feel compelled to read
them. The problem (oh yeah, there is a problem here!) is that, the
words/stories/poems/statements herein come from different moments in my life. As I
stated earlier, these “things” were haphazardly ordered and I refuse to attempt to put them
in any kind of cohesive order. That means my “moments” could theoretically fall beside
each other in a dangerous way. There is the distinct possibility that my words could
accidentally create a vortex that could engulf the reader. Just because it’s never
happened doesn’t mean that it never will! Some of the things in my head could be
extremely dangerous when combined with other things in my head. I purposely keep
those things at a safe distance from one another. But now…haphazard.

IIT''S ALL A BUNCH OF WORDS,,RIIGHT? THOUGHTS THAT TRIICKLE DOWN AND END UP
  T S ALL A BUNCH OF WORDS R GHT? THOUGHTS THAT TR CKLE DOWN AND END UP
 FALL NG FROM THE T PS OF MY F NGERS ONTO PLAST C KEYS VO LA! FROM MY HEAD TO
FALLIING FROM THE TIIPSOF MY FIINGERSONTO PLASTIIC KEYS..VOIILA! FROM MY HEAD,, TO
 MY HANDS TO THE COSMOS TO YOUR ELECTRON C READ NG DEV CE, TO YOUR EYES AND
MY HANDS,, TO....THECOSMOS,, TO YOUR ELECTRONIICREADIINGDEVIICE, TO YOUR EYES,,AND
IINTOYOUR HEAD.. IIS THIISLEGAL?
  NTO YOUR HEAD S TH S LEGAL?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE.. WAIIT,,THIIS BOOK IIS FREE!! YOU’’RE ON YOUR OWN
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE WA T TH S BOOK S FREE YOU RE ON YOUR OWN
FROM THIISPOIINTFORWARD..
FROM TH S PO NT FORWARD
                           A LEAGUE OF THEIIR OWN
                           A LEAGUE OF THE R OWN


“GROUND RULES MUST BE SET..THIIS IIS CRAP WIITHOUT GROUND RULES..”
“GROUND RULES MUST BE SET TH S S CRAP W THOUT GROUND RULES ”

“LIIKE WHAT? DON’’T EXPECT ME TO GIIVE YOU CONCESSIIONS WIITHOUT YOU LOOKIING TO
“L KE WHAT? DON T EXPECT ME TO G VE YOU CONCESS ONS W THOUT YOU LOOK NG TO
YOURSELF AND UNDERSTAND NG THAT YOU HAVE YOUR PART N TH S EXCHANGE ”
YOURSELF AND UNDERSTANDIING THAT YOU HAVE YOUR PART IIN THIIS EXCHANGE..”

“C’’MON MAN,,YOU KNOW ALL,,SEE ALL,,YOU KNOW WHAT’’S GONNA HAPPEN AT THE END
“C MON MAN YOU KNOW ALL SEE ALL YOU KNOW WHAT S GONNA HAPPEN AT THE END
OF THIISDEAL AND THAT SUCKS..WHAT THE HELL AM IIHERE FOR IIFYOU ALREADY KNOW
OF TH S DEAL AND THAT SUCKS WHAT THE HELL AM HERE FOR F YOU ALREADY KNOW
MY CHO CES? WHY NOT UST G VE ME WHAT YOU KNOW ’M GONNA GET ANYWAY?
MY CHOIICES? WHY NOT JJUSTGIIVE ME WHAT YOU KNOW II’MGONNA GET ANYWAY?
WHAT’’S THE FUN? WHERE’’S THE CHALLENGE?”
WHAT S THE FUN? WHERE S THE CHALLENGE?”

“WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE,,MY HORNED FRIIEND?”
“WHAT DO YOU PROPOSE MY HORNED FR END?”

“SEE,,IIT’’S SHIIT LIIKE THAT THAT MAKES ME HATE YOU EVEN MORE..THEY HATE YOU TOO
“SEE T S SH T L KE THAT THAT MAKES ME HATE YOU EVEN MORE THEY HATE YOU TOO
FOR THAT SMUG CRAP MAN KNOCK T OFF JUST TURN OFF THE ALL KNOWING,
FOR THAT SMUG CRAP,,MAN..KNOCK IITOFF!!JUST TURN OFF THE ALL--KNOWING,
CONTROLL NG DEST NY SH T. LET THE CH PS FALL WHERE THEY MAY F YOU TRULY ARE
CONTROLLIINGDESTIINYSHIIT. LET THE CHIIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY.. IIFYOU TRULY ARE
BETTER THAN ME TAKE ME ON STRA GHT UP ”
BETTER THAN ME,, TAKE ME ON STRAIIGHTUP..”

“IIT’’S NOT A SWIITCH THAT TURNS ON OR OFF BUT IIWIILL APPROACH THIIS WIITHOUT TUNIING
 “ T S NOT A SW TCH THAT TURNS ON OR OFF BUT W LL APPROACH TH S W THOUT TUN NG
 N TO THE KNOWLEDGE W LL PUT THE KNOWLEDGE AWAY FOR NOW ”
IIN TO THE KNOWLEDGE.. IIWIILLPUT THE KNOWLEDGE AWAY FOR NOW..”

“GOOD..NOW,, WHO GETS FIIRST PIICK?”
“GOOD NOW WHO GETS F RST P CK?”

“IIF IIT’’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM,, IIT’’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US.. LET’’S FLIIP A COIIN..”
“ F T S GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM T S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US LET S FL P A CO N ”

“THE COIINS ALL SAY ‘‘IIN GOD WE TRUST..’’II’’M NOT FLIIPPIING A COIIN..YOU’’VE GOT A LEG
“THE CO NS ALL SAY N GOD WE TRUST M NOT FL PP NG A CO N YOU VE GOT A LEG
UP ON THAT ”
UP ON THAT..”

‘‘THEN WHAT?”
  THEN WHAT?”

“ROCK,,PAPER,,SCIISSORS..ONE TIIME,,NOT BEST OUT OF THREE..”
“ROCK PAPER SC SSORS ONE T ME NOT BEST OUT OF THREE ”

“WHAT ABOUT DYNAMIITE?”
“WHAT ABOUT DYNAM TE?”

“WHAT THE HELL IIS DYNAMIITE?”
“WHAT THE HELL S DYNAM TE?”

“ONE FIINGER,, IINDEX FIINGER,,IIS DYNAMIITE.. IIT BLOWS UP THE ROCK AND DESTROYS THE
“ONE F NGER NDEX F NGER S DYNAM TE T BLOWS UP THE ROCK AND DESTROYS THE
PAPER BUT THE FUSE CAN BE CUT BY SC SSORS.”
PAPER BUT THE FUSE CAN BE CUT BY SCIISSORS.”

“NO DYNAMIITE!!ROCK,,PAPER,,SCIISSORS ONLY!!DEAL?”
“NO DYNAM TE ROCK PAPER SC SSORS ONLY DEAL?”

“OKAY..ONE..TWO,,THREE..IIWIIN,,PAPER COVERS ROCK..”
“OKAY ONE TWO THREE W N PAPER COVERS ROCK ”
“DIID YOU CHEAT? YOU KNEW THAT II’’D THROW ROCK.. IICAN’’T TRUST YOU,,YOU KNOW
“D D YOU CHEAT? YOU KNEW THAT D THROW ROCK CAN T TRUST YOU YOU KNOW
EVERYTH NG.”
EVERYTHIING.”

“IISAIID IIWOULDN’’T USE THE KNOWLEDGE..YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME..HAVE FAIITH THAT II’’M
“ SA D WOULDN T USE THE KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE TO TRUST ME HAVE FA TH THAT M
TELL NG THE TRUTH ”
TELLIING THE TRUTH..”

“SCREW FAIITH..”
“SCREW FA TH ”

“SEE,,THAT’’S THE KIIND OF ATTIITUDE THAT GOT YOU CAST DOWN IIN THE FIIRST PLACE..II
“SEE THAT S THE K ND OF ATT TUDE THAT GOT YOU CAST DOWN N THE F RST PLACE
MAY BE A LOT OF TH NGS BUT AM NOT D SHONEST. L VE W TH THE LOSS ”
MAY BE A LOT OF THIINGS BUT IIAM NOT DIISHONEST. LIIVEWIITH THE LOSS..”

“OKAY,,GO AHEAD..WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“OKAY GO AHEAD WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“BIIRDS AND FLOWERS..”
“B RDS AND FLOWERS ”

“THAT’’S TWO THIINGS!!”
“THAT S TWO TH NGS ”

“IILOOK AT THEM AS ONE SYMBIIOTIIC ENTIITY..”
“ LOOK AT THEM AS ONE SYMB OT C ENT TY ”

“OKAY,,THEN IIGET TWO THIINGS..”
“OKAY THEN GET TWO TH NGS ”

“PIICKIING TWO AT A TIIME WOULD MAKE THIINGS GO QUIICKLY..PIICK AWAY..”
“P CK NG TWO AT A T ME WOULD MAKE TH NGS GO QU CKLY P CK AWAY ”

“HUMANS AND THE EARTH..”
“HUMANS AND THE EARTH ”

“OKAY,,BUT THE BARE PLANET ONLY..NO PLANTS,, ANIIMALS,,OCEANS,,OR LIIVIING THIINGS
“OKAY BUT THE BARE PLANET ONLY NO PLANTS AN MALS OCEANS OR L V NG TH NGS
OF ANY K ND. NOTH NG THAT L VES, HAS L VED, OR SUSTA NS L FE. BARREN PLANET ”
OF ANY KIIND.NOTHIING THAT LIIVES,HAS LIIVED,OR SUSTAIINS LIIFE. BARREN PLANET..”

“COOL..IIGET THE HUMANS OUTRIIGHT THOUGH,,YEAH?”
“COOL GET THE HUMANS OUTR GHT THOUGH YEAH?”

“TAKE THEM FAIIR AND SQUARE..”
“TAKE THEM FA R AND SQUARE ”

“IITHOUGHT THAT YOU SAIID THEY WERE SPECIIAL ABOVE ALL OTHER LIIVIING THIINGS AND
“ THOUGHT THAT YOU SA D THEY WERE SPEC AL ABOVE ALL OTHER L V NG TH NGS AND
THAT THEY WERE MADE N YOUR MAGE AND ALL THAT CRAP ”
THAT THEY WERE MADE IINYOUR IIMAGEAND ALL THAT CRAP..”

“THEY SAIID THAT,,NOT ME..THEY ARE ARROGANT AND THEIIR BRAIINS BROUGHT THEM TO
“THEY SA D THAT NOT ME THEY ARE ARROGANT AND THE R BRA NS BROUGHT THEM TO
WHERE WE ARE NOW TAKE THEM ”
WHERE WE ARE NOW..TAKE THEM..”

“YOUR TURN..”
“YOUR TURN ”

”AIIR AND WATER..”
”A R AND WATER ”

“THAT’’S NOT BAD.. II’’LL TAKE FIIRE AND ANIIMALS..”
“THAT S NOT BAD LL TAKE F RE AND AN MALS ”

“NO,,ANIIMALS HAVE TO BE BROKEN DOWN IINTO FAMIILIIES..”
“NO AN MALS HAVE TO BE BROKEN DOWN NTO FAM L ES ”
“OKAY FIIRE AND HORSES..”
“OKAY F RE AND HORSES ”

“ ’ LL TAKE T GERS AND DOLPH NS ”
“II’LL TAKE TIIGERS AND DOLPHIINS..”

“TIIGERS AND DOLPHIINS? WHAT A STUPIID CHOIICE..IIWANT MONKEYS AND LIIONS..”
“T GERS AND DOLPH NS? WHAT A STUP D CHO CE WANT MONKEYS AND L ONS ”

“SUN AND THE MOON..”
“SUN AND THE MOON ”

“IIDIIDN’’T KNOW THAT THEY WERE PART OF THE DEAL..”
“ D DN T KNOW THAT THEY WERE PART OF THE DEAL ”

“WE SAIID THE EARTH AND ALL OF IITS COMPONENTS IIN THE BEGIINNIING OR OUR
“WE SA D THE EARTH AND ALL OF TS COMPONENTS N THE BEG NN NG OR OUR
NEGOT ATION. THEY MAKE THE EARTH WHAT T S. THERE WOULD BE NO EARTH W THOUT
NEGOTIIATION.THEY MAKE THE EARTH WHAT IITIIS. THERE WOULD BE NO EARTH WIITHOUT
THEM ”
THEM..”

“WHAT ABOUT MARS OR PLUTO..”
“WHAT ABOUT MARS OR PLUTO ”

“THEY HAVE NO BEARIING ON THE EARTH..”
“THEY HAVE NO BEAR NG ON THE EARTH ”

“OKAY ELEPHANTS AND RHIINOS..”
“OKAY ELEPHANTS AND RH NOS ”

“GOOD CHOIICE.. II’’LL TAKE DOGS AND CATS..”
“GOOD CHO CE LL TAKE DOGS AND CATS ”

“SHIIT!!..OKAY,,WOLVES AND LEOPARDS..”
“SH T OKAY WOLVES AND LEOPARDS ”

“LET’’S CUT TO THE CHASE..THIIS WIILL TAKE FOREVER AND II’’M IIN A HURRY TO LAY WASTE..
“LET S CUT TO THE CHASE TH S W LL TAKE FOREVER AND M N A HURRY TO LAY WASTE
HOW ABOUT IIF IITAKE EVERYTHIING ELSE FROM A TO M AND YOU GET EVERYTHIING FROM
HOW ABOUT F TAKE EVERYTH NG ELSE FROM A TO M AND YOU GET EVERYTH NG FROM
N TO Z?”
N TO Z?”

“WHAT K ND OF SCAM S THAT? ’ LL TAKE THE A TO M YOU TAKE THE N TO Z?”
“WHAT KIIND OF SCAM IIS THAT? II’LL TAKE THE A TO M,,YOU TAKE THE N TO Z?”

“FIINE..DONE DEAL..”
“F NE DONE DEAL ”

“NO WAIIT,,IILIIKE ZEBRAS AND IIWANT THEM..IIWANT THE N TO Z LIIST BACK..”
“NO WA T L KE ZEBRAS AND WANT THEM WANT THE N TO Z L ST BACK ”

“IILIIKE ZEBRAS TOO AND IIDON’’T WANT TO GIIVE THEM UP..”
“ L KE ZEBRAS TOO AND DON T WANT TO G VE THEM UP ”

“WE CAN WORK THIIS OUT SOMEHOW,,RIIGHT?”
“WE CAN WORK TH S OUT SOMEHOW R GHT?”

“” ’ LL TAKE THE A TO M L ST BACK AND YOU GET ZEBRAS BUT WANT THE S S YOU CAN
“”II’LL TAKE THE A TO M LIIST BACK AND YOU GET ZEBRAS BUT IIWANT THE S’’S..YOU CAN
TAKE A LETTER FROM MY A TO M L ST.”
TAKE A LETTER FROM MY A TO M LIIST.”

“THIIS SOUNDS SHIIFTY..WHAT GIIVES?”
“TH S SOUNDS SH FTY WHAT G VES?”

“BECAUSE YOU ARE THE LORD OF LIIES,,YOU EXPECT EVERYONE TO BE A CHEAT..PIICK THE
“BECAUSE YOU ARE THE LORD OF L ES YOU EXPECT EVERYONE TO BE A CHEAT P CK THE
LETTER THAT PLEASES YOU MOST FROM A TO M ”
LETTER THAT PLEASES YOU MOST FROM A TO M..”
“OKAY,,GIIVE ME....K..KANGAROOS AND KIINKAJJOUS..YOU TAKE S..”
“OKAY G VE ME K KANGAROOS AND K NKA OUS YOU TAKE S ”

“SECOND THOUGHTS? READY TO SHAKE ON IIT AND CALL IIT A DEAL?”
“SECOND THOUGHTS? READY TO SHAKE ON T AND CALL T A DEAL?”

“DEAL..ONE THIING..WHY DIID YOU PIICK BIIRDS AND FLOWERS FIIRST? THAT WAS KIINDA
“DEAL ONE TH NG WHY D D YOU P CK B RDS AND FLOWERS F RST? THAT WAS K NDA
STUP D.”
STUPIID.”

“BIIRDS AND FLOWERS ARE THE MOST BEAUTIIFUL AND IINNOCENT THIINGS ON EARTH AND II
“B RDS AND FLOWERS ARE THE MOST BEAUT FUL AND NNOCENT TH NGS ON EARTH AND
COULDN T SEE YOU PUT YOUR EV L ON THEM ”
COULDN’’TSEE YOU PUT YOUR EVIILON THEM..”

“BUT YOU GAVE UP HUMANS WIITHOUT A FIIGHT?”
“BUT YOU GAVE UP HUMANS W THOUT A F GHT?”

“NOT REALLY..IITOOK S FROM YOU AND THAT IIS WHERE THEIIR SOULS ARE.. YOU HAVE
“NOT REALLY TOOK S FROM YOU AND THAT S WHERE THE R SOULS ARE YOU HAVE
THE R BOD ES, THE R VESSELS HAVE THE R SOULS THEY ARE NO GOOD TO YOU W THOUT
THEIIRBODIIES, THEIIRVESSELS.. IIHAVE THEIIRSOULS..THEY ARE NO GOOD TO YOU WIITHOUT
THE R SOULS ”
THEIIRSOULS..”

“THAT’’S NOT FAIIR!!IIHAVE THEM,, IIHAVE THEIIR SOULS IINSIIDE OF THEM..”
“THAT S NOT FA R HAVE THEM HAVE THE R SOULS NS DE OF THEM ”

“NO..THE HUMAN SOUL IIS NOT IIN THE HUMAN BODY..IIT LIIVES IIN THE SPIIRIIT,, WHIICH IIS
“NO THE HUMAN SOUL S NOT N THE HUMAN BODY T L VES N THE SP R T WH CH S
ETHEREAL AND NOT ACTUALLY PART OF THE BODY HAVE THE S S. HAVE SOMETH NG
ETHEREAL,,AND NOT ACTUALLY PART OF THE BODY.. IIHAVE THE S’’S. IIHAVE SOMETHIING
ELSE MPORTANT THAT STARTS W TH S ”
ELSE IIMPORTANT THAT STARTS WIITHS..”

“WHAT?”
“WHAT?”

“SATAN..”
“SATAN ”

“YOU CAN’’T HAVE ME..BESIIDES,, IIGO BY OTHER NAMES..SATAN IIS NOT MY ONLY NAME..”
“YOU CAN T HAVE ME BES DES GO BY OTHER NAMES SATAN S NOT MY ONLY NAME ”

“YOU MEAN LIIKE BEELZEBUB OR APOLLYON OR LUCIIFER OR DEVIIL OR DIIABLO OR FIIEND
“YOU MEAN L KE BEELZEBUB OR APOLLYON OR LUC FER OR DEV L OR D ABLO OR F END
OR MEPH STOPHELES? ALL CAN BE FOUND FROM A TO M SO YOU SEE HAVE YOU AGA N
OR MEPHIISTOPHELES? ALL CAN BE FOUND FROM A TO M..SO,,YOU SEE,, IIHAVE YOU AGAIIN
MY ANGEL ”
MY ANGEL..”

“YOU CHEATED ME!!”
“YOU CHEATED ME ”

“OUTSMARTED IIS A MORE APPROPRIIATE WORD..”
“OUTSMARTED S A MORE APPROPR ATE WORD ”

“NOW WHAT? NOW THAT YOU OWN ME,,DO YOU OWN EVERYTHIING THAT IIOWN? IIS THAT
“NOW WHAT? NOW THAT YOU OWN ME DO YOU OWN EVERYTH NG THAT OWN? S THAT
HOW YOU PLAN TO CHEAT ME THE REST OF THE WAY?”
HOW YOU PLAN TO CHEAT ME THE REST OF THE WAY?”

“THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY AND IIDON’’T WANT YOU TO FEEL CHEATED..”
“THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY AND DON T WANT YOU TO FEEL CHEATED ”

“WHAT THEN?”
“WHAT THEN?”

“NEGOTIIATIIONS..WHAT DO YOU WANT MOST?”
“NEGOT AT ONS WHAT DO YOU WANT MOST?”

“IIWANT ME BACK.. IIWANT MYSELF ALONG WIITH ALL OF MY NAMES AND POWERS..”
“ WANT ME BACK WANT MYSELF ALONG W TH ALL OF MY NAMES AND POWERS ”
“WOW,,THAT’’S THE DIIAMOND IIN MY CROWN..II’’D WANT A LOT FOR THAT..”
“WOW THAT S THE D AMOND N MY CROWN D WANT A LOT FOR THAT ”

“WHAT?”
“WHAT?”

“EVERYTHIING YOU HAVE..”
“EVERYTH NG YOU HAVE ”

“THAT’’S NOT FAIIR..”
“THAT S NOT FA R ”

“THAT’’S BUSIINESS..HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE LUCIIFER AGAIIN?”
“THAT S BUS NESS HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE LUC FER AGA N?”

“LET ME KEEP THE HUMANS TOO AND IIT’’S A DEAL..”
“LET ME KEEP THE HUMANS TOO AND T S A DEAL ”

“IIHAVE THEIIR SOULS REMEMBER? WHAT GOOD ARE THEY TO YOU WIITHOUT SOULS TO TRY
“ HAVE THE R SOULS REMEMBER? WHAT GOOD ARE THEY TO YOU W THOUT SOULS TO TRY
TO CHANGE? TAKE YOUR NAME AND G VE UP THE REST ”
TO CHANGE? TAKE YOUR NAME AND GIIVEUP THE REST..”

“THEN,, IIT’’S BACK TO THE WAY IIT WAS..YOU HAVE EVERYTHIING AND II’’M SCRAPIING TO TRY
“THEN T S BACK TO THE WAY T WAS YOU HAVE EVERYTH NG AND M SCRAP NG TO TRY
TO GET WHAT YOU VE GOT THAT S NOT R GHT.”
TO GET WHAT YOU’’VEGOT..THAT’’SNOT RIIGHT.”

“YOU WENT IINTO NEGOTIIATIIONS WIITH GOD,,DIID YOU EXPECT TO HAVE ME IIN THE POSIITIION
“YOU WENT NTO NEGOT AT ONS W TH GOD D D YOU EXPECT TO HAVE ME N THE POS T ON
THAT YOU’’RE IINNOW?”
THAT YOU RE N NOW?”

“OKAY,,GIIVE ME MYSELF BACK AND ONE THIING..”
“OKAY G VE ME MYSELF BACK AND ONE TH NG ”

“ ’ LL G VE YOU YOURSELF AND ONE ZEBRA ”
“II’LL GIIVE YOU YOURSELF AND ONE ZEBRA..”

“A STRONG,,YOUNG,,POWERFUL STEED ZEBRA..”
“A STRONG YOUNG POWERFUL STEED ZEBRA ”

“DONE..”
“DONE ”

“YOU KNOW II’’M GOIING OUT RIIGHT NOW TO REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS TO TAKE SOULS FROM
“YOU KNOW M GO NG OUT R GHT NOW TO REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS TO TAKE SOULS FROM
YOUR PREC OUS HUMANS ”
YOUR PRECIIOUSHUMANS..”

“YOU SHOULD BE KEEPIING AN EYE ON YOUR ZEBRA.. IITHIINK HE’’S FLEEIING FOR HIIS LIIFE
“YOU SHOULD BE KEEP NG AN EYE ON YOUR ZEBRA TH NK HE S FLEE NG FOR H S L FE
FROM A PACK OF HUNGRY L ONS AS WE SPEAK ”
FROM A PACK OF HUNGRY LIIONSAS WE SPEAK..”

“DAMN YOU!!”
“DAMN YOU ”

“DAMN ME? IIF ONLY YOU COULD..”
“DAMN ME? F ONLY YOU COULD ”
                TRAVELS WIITH THE BLOOFER LADY PT..1
                TRAVELS W TH THE BLOOFER LADY PT 1


IISAT TYPIING AND HUMMIING QUE SERA SERA SOFTLY WHEN THE SCENT OF JASMIINE
  SAT TYP NG AND HUMM NG QUE SERA SERA SOFTLY WHEN THE SCENT OF JASM NE
 WAFTED THROUGH MY CLOSED W NDOW. LONG AFTER M DNIGHT, THE STREETS WERE
WAFTED THROUGH MY CLOSED WIINDOW. LONG AFTER MIIDNIGHT, THE STREETS WERE
IINUNDATEDBY FOG,,AND YET THE SWEET FRAGRANCE MADE IITUP TO MY ROOM.. IILOOKED
 NUNDATED BY FOG AND YET THE SWEET FRAGRANCE MADE T UP TO MY ROOM LOOKED
OUT OF MY WIINDOWAND SAW HER STANDIING LIIKE A SPECTER BENEATH A LAMPPOST..THE
 OUT OF MY W NDOW AND SAW HER STAND NG L KE A SPECTER BENEATH A LAMPPOST THE
FOG MADE THE LAMPLIIGHTENCIIRCLEHER LIIKEA SOFT SPOT..HER HAIIRBLEW SOFTLY FROM
 FOG MADE THE LAMPL GHT ENC RCLE HER L KE A SOFT SPOT HER HA R BLEW SOFTLY FROM
HER FACE BUT HER RED DRESS AND THE FOG WERE UNMOVED BY THIISMYSTERY BREEZE.. II
 HER FACE BUT HER RED DRESS AND THE FOG WERE UNMOVED BY TH S MYSTERY BREEZE
 HAD THE MOMENTARY THOUGHT THAT HER HA R HAD A L FE OF TS OWN BUT THAT WAS
HAD THE MOMENTARY THOUGHT THAT HER HAIIRHAD A LIIFEOF IITSOWN BUT THAT WAS
 R DICULOUS WASN T T? SHE SEEMED TO BE LOOK NG AT ME BUT THAT WAS AS MPOSSIBLE
RIIDICULOUS WASN’’TIIT? SHE SEEMED TO BE LOOKIINGAT ME BUT THAT WAS AS IIMPOSSIBLE
 AS HER L VING HA R. THE D STANCE WAS TOO GREAT AND MY ROOM WAS DARK SAVE FOR
AS HER LIIVINGHAIIR.THE DIISTANCE WAS TOO GREAT AND MY ROOM WAS DARK ((SAVE FOR
 THE DULL BLUE HUE OF THE COMPUTER MON TOR). ST LL THOUGH HER HEAD APPEARED
THE DULL BLUE HUE OF THE COMPUTER MONIITOR). STIILL THOUGH,,HER HEAD APPEARED
 COCKED SL GHTLY N MY GENERAL D RECTION. TURNED OFF THE MON TOR TO ASSURE
COCKED SLIIGHTLY IINMY GENERAL DIIRECTION. IITURNED OFF THE MONIITOR TO ASSURE
 COMPLETE DARKNESS AND LEANED ONTO MY W NDOWSILL TO WATCH TH S V SION. HER
COMPLETE DARKNESS AND LEANED ONTO MY WIINDOWSILL TO WATCH THIISVIISION.HER
 BOSOM GREW SUDDENLY AS SHE NHALED A HUGE VOLUME OF A R. HER EYES CLOSED AND
BOSOM GREW SUDDENLY AS SHE IINHALEDA HUGE VOLUME OF AIIR.HER EYES CLOSED AND
SHE BLEW A KIISS TO ME.. IITHOUGHT THAT’’SWHAT WAS HAPPENIINGBUT SURELY SHE WAS
 SHE BLEW A K SS TO ME THOUGHT THAT S WHAT WAS HAPPEN NG BUT SURELY SHE WAS
 MERELY TRY NG TO CATCH HER BREATH N TH S BEDEV LING M ST. THAT WAS MY THOUGHT
MERELY TRYIING TO CATCH HER BREATH IIN THIISBEDEVIILINGMIIST.THAT WAS MY THOUGHT
UNTIILTHE KIISSRATTLED THE GLASS OF MY WIINDOWAND THE JASMIINEGREW STRONG AND
 UNT L THE K SS RATTLED THE GLASS OF MY W NDOW AND THE JASM NE GREW STRONG AND
 A WARM W ND SK TTERED OVER MY NAKED ARMS CAUS NG THE HA RS THERE TO STAND ON
A WARM WIINDSKIITTERED OVER MY NAKED ARMS CAUSIING THE HAIIRS THERE TO STAND ON
 END THERE WAS SOMETH NG ELSE THERE TOO M NGLED W TH THE JASM NE. SOMETH NG
END..THERE WAS SOMETHIINGELSE THERE TOO MIINGLED WIITH THE JASMIINE. SOMETHIING
 HEAV ER. SOMETH NG DARKER SHE SLOWLY L FTED BOTH ARMS AT HER S DES AND HELD
HEAVIIER.SOMETHIINGDARKER..SHE SLOWLY LIIFTEDBOTH ARMS AT HER SIIDESAND HELD
 THEM OUT AS F SHE WERE BE NG CRUC FIED N THE VAPOR SHE SM LED, THEN CAREFULLY
THEM OUT AS IIFSHE WERE BEIINGCRUCIIFIED IIN THE VAPOR..SHE SMIILED, THEN CAREFULLY
TIILTEDHER HEAD ONTO HER LEFT SHOULDER AND CROSSED HER LEGS AT THE ANKLES..THIIS
 T LTED HER HEAD ONTO HER LEFT SHOULDER AND CROSSED HER LEGS AT THE ANKLES TH S
 MYSTERY STOOD ON THE STREET BELOW MY W NDOW N THE DENSE FOG AND
MYSTERY STOOD ON THE STREET BELOW MY WIINDOW IIN THE DENSE FOG AND
 MPERSONATED A CHR ST BATHED N JASM NE. HER EYES NOW FOUND M NE AND LOCKED
IIMPERSONATEDA CHRIISTBATHED IINJASMIINE.HER EYES NOW FOUND MIINEAND LOCKED
ON THEM.. IITWAS THEN THAT IIREALIIZED THAT THE POSIITION IIN WHIICHSHE STOOD WAS
 ON THEM T WAS THEN THAT REAL ZED THAT THE POS TION N WH CH SHE STOOD WAS
 MPOSSIBLE. SHE ALMOST FLOATED ARMS OUTSTRETCHED HEAD ASKEW BALANCED ON
IIMPOSSIBLE.SHE ALMOST FLOATED..ARMS OUTSTRETCHED,,HEAD ASKEW,,BALANCED ON
THE TOE OF HER RIIGHTSHOE..SLOWLY,,HER ARMS CAME TO THE FRONT AND BOTH HANDS
 THE TOE OF HER R GHT SHOE SLOWLY HER ARMS CAME TO THE FRONT AND BOTH HANDS
POIINTEDDIIRECTLY IINTOMY QUIIETAND LONELY ROOM..HER HEAD ROSE FROM HER
 PO NTED D RECTLY NTO MY QU ET AND LONELY ROOM HER HEAD ROSE FROM HER
 SHOULDER WAS MESMER ZED…
SHOULDER.. IIWAS MESMERIIZED…
                                   WTF?!!
                                   WTF?


FIIVE FAMIILIIES OUT THERE IIN AMERIICA ARE GRIIEVIING LOSSES THAT THEY WIILL NEVER
F VE FAM L ES OUT THERE N AMER CA ARE GR EV NG LOSSES THAT THEY W LL NEVER
TRULY RECOVER FROM.. FIIVEMOTHERS ARE CRYIINGTEARS THAT WIILLNEVER DRY..FIIVE
TRULY RECOVER FROM F VE MOTHERS ARE CRY NG TEARS THAT W LL NEVER DRY F VE
FATHERS ARE LOST F MY SON OR DAUGHTER D ED TON GHT, WOULD NEVER RECOVER
FATHERS ARE LOST.. IIFMY SON OR DAUGHTER DIIED TONIIGHT, IIWOULD NEVER RECOVER.. II
WOULD GO ON BUT WOULD MOURN EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY L FE. EVERY DAY
WOULD GO ON BUT IIWOULD MOURN EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIIFE.EVERY DAY..
EVERY DAY..AND EVERY DAY,,WE HEAR THAT SAME NEWS STORY FOLLOWED BY THE
EVERY DAY AND EVERY DAY WE HEAR THAT SAME NEWS STORY FOLLOWED BY THE
WEATHER REPORT..THREE SOLDIIERS TODAY,,EIIGHTTOMORROW,,SIIX THE DAY AFTER THAT..
WEATHER REPORT THREE SOLD ERS TODAY E GHT TOMORROW S X THE DAY AFTER THAT
EVERY DAY..EVERY DAY..
EVERY DAY EVERY DAY

TODAY,,IIMAY NOT HEAR THE DEATH TOLL..TOMORROW IIMAY HEAR IIT AND NOT PAY
TODAY MAY NOT HEAR THE DEATH TOLL TOMORROW MAY HEAR T AND NOT PAY
ATTENT ON AGA N, AS HAVE BEEN DO NG FOR…HOW LONG NOW?
ATTENTIIONAGAIIN,AS IIHAVE BEEN DOIING FOR…HOW LONG NOW?

WHAT ARE WE DOIING? NOT THIIS COUNTRY..NOT IIRAQ..WE AS HUMANS? THERE IIS NEVER A
 WHAT ARE WE DO NG? NOT TH S COUNTRY NOT RAQ WE AS HUMANS? THERE S NEVER A
REASON TO TAKE A MOTHER’’SSON FROM HER..THERE IISNEVER A REASON TO TAKE A
 REASON TO TAKE A MOTHER S SON FROM HER THERE S NEVER A REASON TO TAKE A
 FATHER S DAUGHTER S T O L? S T POWER? S T…WHAT? REL GION? MONEY? LAND?
FATHER’’SDAUGHTER.. IIS IITOIIL? IIS IITPOWER? IIS IIT…WHAT? RELIIGION? MONEY? LAND?
EGO? THE HELL OF IIT? IIHAVE NO IIDEA WHY WE ARE “OVER THERE” DOIING WHATEVER THE
 EGO? THE HELL OF T? HAVE NO DEA WHY WE ARE “OVER THERE” DO NG WHATEVER THE
 HELL T S WE RE DO NG. AS A PEOPLE WE DON T KNOW WHY WE RE THERE AND WE VE
HELL IIT IIS WE’’REDOIING. AS A PEOPLE,, WE DON’’TKNOW WHY WE’’RE THERE AND WE’’VE
 BEEN TOLD THERE S NO “EX T STRATEGY” PEOPLE ARE DY NG DA LY. THE BLOOD OF GOOD
BEEN TOLD THERE IISNO “EXIITSTRATEGY”..PEOPLE ARE DYIINGDAIILY.THE BLOOD OF GOOD
MEN AS WELL AS BAD MEN IISBEIINGSPIILLEDONTO THE SAND..THE SAND DOESN’’TCARE,, IIT
 MEN AS WELL AS BAD MEN S BE NG SP LLED ONTO THE SAND THE SAND DOESN T CARE T
JJUSTBECOMES DARK RED AND DAMP..YOUNG MEN,, WOMEN,,AND CHIILDREN WHO WIILLONE
 UST BECOMES DARK RED AND DAMP YOUNG MEN WOMEN AND CH LDREN WHO W LL ONE
DAY BECOME THE OIILTHAT WE ALL COVET..WHAT THE? OUR GUNS ARE AIIMEDAT THOSE
 DAY BECOME THE O L THAT WE ALL COVET WHAT THE? OUR GUNS ARE A MED AT THOSE
WHO WOULD SHOOT US..THEIIRGUNS ARE AIIMEDAT US BECAUSE WE’’VEDRAWN DOWN ON
 WHO WOULD SHOOT US THE R GUNS ARE A MED AT US BECAUSE WE VE DRAWN DOWN ON
THEM..PERHAPS IIFWE WERE TO WALK AWAY,,BULLETS COULD BE SAVED..YOU KNOW HOW
 THEM PERHAPS F WE WERE TO WALK AWAY BULLETS COULD BE SAVED YOU KNOW HOW
 EXPENS VE AMMUN TION S. LET S SAVE A FEW ROUNDS AND TURN THE SH PS AND PLANES
EXPENSIIVEAMMUNIITION IIS. LET’’SSAVE A FEW ROUNDS AND TURN THE SHIIPSAND PLANES
 AROUND NAH THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD FOR OUR FACE T’S ALL ABOUT FACE T S
AROUND..NAH,, THAT WOULD NOT BE GOOD FOR OUR FACE.. IIT’SALL ABOUT FACE.. IIT IIS
BETTER TO LOOK GOOD THAN TO BE GOOD.. IITIISBETTER TO APPEAR SMART AND BE STUPIID
 BETTER TO LOOK GOOD THAN TO BE GOOD T S BETTER TO APPEAR SMART AND BE STUP D
 THAN TO ADM T THAT YOU D D A STUP D TH NG. DON T REALLY M ND BE NG UGLY AND
THAN TO ADMIITTHAT YOU DIIDA STUPIID THIING. IIDON’’TREALLY MIINDBEIING UGLY AND
 ADM TTING MY STUP DITY ON OCCAS ON, ESPEC ALLY WHEN T W LL SAVE ALL THOSE
ADMIITTINGMY STUPIIDITYON OCCASIION,ESPECIIALLYWHEN IITWIILLSAVE ALL THOSE
 BULLETS AND BOMBS ’VE HEARD ALL THE POL TICAL CRAP REASONS FOR WHY T S THAT
BULLETS AND BOMBS.. II’VEHEARD ALL THE POLIITICALCRAP REASONS FOR WHY IIT IIS THAT
 WE DO WHAT WE DO BUT DO WE REALLY NEED TO DO T?
WE DO WHAT WE DO BUT DO WE REALLY NEED TO DO IIT?

ONE SOLDIIER SAYS IIT ALL.. IISHE STIILL ALIIVE? DIID HE DIIE YESTERDAY? IISHIIS FAMIILY
ONE SOLD ER SAYS T ALL S HE ST LL AL VE? D D HE D E YESTERDAY? S H S FAM LY
GRIIEVING FOREVER NOW? HAS HE KIILLEDSOMEONE? WIILLHE EVER GET OVER TAKIING
GR EVING FOREVER NOW? HAS HE K LLED SOMEONE? W LL HE EVER GET OVER TAK NG
ANOTHER L FE? W LL WE?
ANOTHER LIIFE? WIILLWE?
                            SLEEP REPARATIIONS
                            SLEEP REPARAT ONS


AS IIWALKED ALONG THE LOVELY BEACH,, IISPIIED THE HANDSOME YOUNG MAN SLEEPIING
 AS WALKED ALONG THE LOVELY BEACH SP ED THE HANDSOME YOUNG MAN SLEEP NG
PEACEFULLY IIN THE HAMMOCK.. IILOOKED AT HIIM AND WONDERED,, WHAT WOULD BE THE
 PEACEFULLY N THE HAMMOCK LOOKED AT H M AND WONDERED WHAT WOULD BE THE
 D FFERENCE F OUR POS TIONS WERE FL PPED? S MPLE. HE WOULD LOOK AT ME AND SAY
DIIFFERENCE IIFOUR POSIITIONSWERE FLIIPPED? SIIMPLE.HE WOULD LOOK AT ME AND SAY,,
"THERE'S A BLACK GUY SLEEPIING IIN A HAMMOCK.." HE WOULD BE RIIGHT..EVEN IIF,,WHEN II
 "THERE'S A BLACK GUY SLEEP NG N A HAMMOCK " HE WOULD BE R GHT EVEN F WHEN
 AWOKE HAD A JAMA CAN ACCENT EVEN F WERE FROM BRAZ L, HA TI OR MOROCCO
AWOKE,, IIHAD A JAMAIICANACCENT..EVEN IIF IIWERE FROM BRAZIIL,HAIITIOR MOROCCO..
IIN AMERIICA,,THE DIISTIINCTIION IIS MIINIIMAL..OUR NATIIONALIITY IIS ONLY ENFORCED IIF WE
  N AMER CA THE D ST NCT ON S M N MAL OUR NAT ONAL TY S ONLY ENFORCED F WE
 DEMAND TO BE RECOGN ZED AS NON AMERICAN BLACKS
DEMAND TO BE RECOGNIIZEDAS NON--AMERICAN BLACKS..

IICONTIINUED TO WATCH THE MAN SLEEPIING,,TRYIING TO BUIILD UP THE FALSE SENSE OF
  CONT NUED TO WATCH THE MAN SLEEP NG TRY NG TO BU LD UP THE FALSE SENSE OF
 RAC AL NEQUALITY. T THEN OCCURRED TO ME THAT PERHAPS HE TOO L VED UNDER
RACIIALIINEQUALITY. IITTHEN OCCURRED TO ME THAT PERHAPS HE TOO LIIVEDUNDER
 THOSE SAME C RCUMSTANCES. LOOKED AT A WH TE GUY N A HAMMOCK AND ASSUMED
THOSE SAME CIIRCUMSTANCES. IILOOKED AT A WHIITEGUY IINA HAMMOCK AND ASSUMED
 THAT H S ANCESTORS OWNED M NE. UNFA R. PERHAPS HE WAS FRENCH OR CANAD AN OR
THAT HIISANCESTORS OWNED MIINE.UNFAIIR.PERHAPS HE WAS FRENCH OR CANADIIANOR
 EVEN FRENCH CANAD AN. COULD BE GREEK OR TALIAN. GERMAN OR AUSTRAL AN.
EVEN FRENCH CANADIIAN.COULD BE GREEK OR IITALIAN.GERMAN OR AUSTRALIIAN.
SWEDIISH OR SOUTH AFRIICAN..SLOVENIIAN OR GREENLANDER ((?))..
 SWED SH OR SOUTH AFR CAN SLOVEN AN OR GREENLANDER ?

IIGOT BORED WIITH WONDERIING WHAT RACE HE MIIGHT BE,,SO IISTOLE HIIS SHOES..
  GOT BORED W TH WONDER NG WHAT RACE HE M GHT BE SO STOLE H S SHOES
                           LIITTLE GIIRL LOST
                           L TTLE G RL LOST


IIN THE NANOSECOND BEFORE MELIISANDE DIISCOVERED HOW TO OVERRIIDE THE SYSTEM,,
   N THE NANOSECOND BEFORE MEL SANDE D SCOVERED HOW TO OVERR DE THE SYSTEM
 THE MEMOR ES OF HER SHORT L FE FLASHED THROUGH HER M ND L KE A FL PBOOK. THE
THE MEMORIIESOF HER SHORT LIIFE FLASHED THROUGH HER MIIND LIIKEA FLIIPBOOK.THE
DOLL THAT SHE’’DBEGGED FOR FOR MONTHS ON END WIITH IITSCURLY BRUNETTE HAIIRAND
 DOLL THAT SHE D BEGGED FOR FOR MONTHS ON END W TH TS CURLY BRUNETTE HA R AND
FACE SO LIIKEHER OWN.. IITWAS WRAPPED IINYELLOW TIISSUEPAPER AND HOUSED IINA PIINK
 FACE SO L KE HER OWN T WAS WRAPPED N YELLOW T SSUE PAPER AND HOUSED N A P NK
 BOX SHE D NAMED HER SANDY AFTER HERSELF COM NG N SECOND N MS DAN EL’S
BOX..SHE’’DNAMED HER SANDY,,AFTER HERSELF.. COMIING IINSECOND IINMS..DANIIEL’S
2ND GRADE SPELLIING BEE..HER GIIRL SCOUT UNIIFORM HANGIING IIN IITS PROTECTIIVE
 2ND GRADE SPELL NG BEE HER G RL SCOUT UN FORM HANG NG N TS PROTECT VE
 PLAST C COVER NG, WA TING FOR HER TO WEAR T EVERY WEEKEND AT HER MEET NGS.
PLASTIICCOVERIING,WAIITING FOR HER TO WEAR IITEVERY WEEKEND AT HER MEETIINGS.
HER PARENTS ARGUIING AT DIISNEYWORLD ON CHRIISTMAS EVE..HER UNCLE BIILLY HAVIING
 HER PARENTS ARGU NG AT D SNEYWORLD ON CHR STMAS EVE HER UNCLE B LLY HAV NG
THEM ALL OVER FOR THANKSGIIVINGAND THE POOL PARTIIESAT HIISSUMMER HOME IIN
 THEM ALL OVER FOR THANKSG VING AND THE POOL PART ES AT H S SUMMER HOME N
PALM SPRIINGS..HER FIIRST CRUSH – DAVIID BLAKEMORE WIITH THE BEAUTIIFUL GREEN EYES
 PALM SPR NGS HER F RST CRUSH – DAV D BLAKEMORE W TH THE BEAUT FUL GREEN EYES
 AND DEEP D MPLES WHEN HE SM LED. DANC NG W TH DAV D AT THE FOURTH GRADE
AND DEEP DIIMPLESWHEN HE SMIILED.DANCIINGWIITHDAVIIDAT THE FOURTH GRADE
 END OF-THE-YEAR DANCE HER F FTH GRADE STRA GHT “A” REPORT CARD BALLET
END--OF-THE-YEARDANCE..HER FIIFTHGRADE STRAIIGHT“A” REPORT CARD.. BALLET
 LESSONS THAT HURT HER FEET AND MADE HER FEEL L KE A PR NCESS AT THE SAME T ME.
LESSONS THAT HURT HER FEET AND MADE HER FEEL LIIKEA PRIINCESSAT THE SAME TIIME.
READIING NANCY DREW MYSTERIIES ONE AFTER ANOTHER..DECIIDIING FOR SURE THAT SHE
 READ NG NANCY DREW MYSTER ES ONE AFTER ANOTHER DEC D NG FOR SURE THAT SHE
WOULD ONE DAY BE A FAMOUS ACTRESS MARRIIED TO A FAMOUS ACTOR.. FLYIING TO
 WOULD ONE DAY BE A FAMOUS ACTRESS MARR ED TO A FAMOUS ACTOR FLY NG TO
SEATTLE WIITH HER MOTHER TO VIISIIT AUNT KATHY..THE MASKS FALLIING FROM THE PANEL
 SEATTLE W TH HER MOTHER TO V S T AUNT KATHY THE MASKS FALL NG FROM THE PANEL
ABOVE HER HEAD ON THE PLANE..HER MOTHER FRANTIICALLY FASTENIINGHER SEATBELT,,
 ABOVE HER HEAD ON THE PLANE HER MOTHER FRANT CALLY FASTEN NG HER SEATBELT
 THEN SQUEEZ NG HER HAND VERY T GHTLY. THE POWERFUL BURST OF W ND, A RLINE
THEN SQUEEZIINGHER HAND VERY TIIGHTLY.THE POWERFUL BURST OF WIIND,AIIRLINE
  TEMS FLY NG DOWN THE A SLE, SCREAMS THAT WERE SWALLOWED BY THE W ND, THE
IITEMS FLYIINGDOWN THE AIISLE,SCREAMS THAT WERE SWALLOWED BY THE WIIND, THE
 LOUD POPP NG NO SE, THEN DARKNESS
LOUD POPPIINGNOIISE, THEN DARKNESS..

BRIIGHTLY LIIT ROOM BARELY VIISIIBLE THROUGH THE GAUZE COVERIING HER RIIGHT EYE..
BR GHTLY L T ROOM BARELY V S BLE THROUGH THE GAUZE COVER NG HER R GHT EYE
MUFFLED VOIICES,,BEEPIING MACHIINES,,AND THE VIIBRATIION FROM THOSE BEEPIING
MUFFLED VO CES BEEP NG MACH NES AND THE V BRAT ON FROM THOSE BEEP NG
MACH NES. PA N, THE SMELL OF HER OWN BURNED FLESH AND HA R, SOMEONE STROK NG
MACHIINES.PAIIN, THE SMELL OF HER OWN BURNED FLESH AND HAIIR,SOMEONE STROKIING
HER RIIGHTSHOULDER..SLOW FOCUS RETURNIING TO HER RIIGHTEYE AND UNBELIIEVABLE
HER R GHT SHOULDER SLOW FOCUS RETURN NG TO HER R GHT EYE AND UNBEL EVABLE
PA N AS HER BURNED FLESH REAWAKENED HER FATHER S TTING BY HER BEDS DE,
PAIINAS HER BURNED FLESH REAWAKENED..HER FATHER SIITTINGBY HER BEDSIIDE,
OBVIIOUSLYSEDATED AND BARELY ABLE TO SPEAK..DR..GURWIITZ LOOKIING IINTOHER EYE
OBV OUSLY SEDATED AND BARELY ABLE TO SPEAK DR GURW TZ LOOK NG NTO HER EYE
W TH A L GHT AND SM LING. DR WELLS TELL NG HER THAT HER MOTHER HAD D ED N THE
WIITHA LIIGHTAND SMIILING.DR..WELLS TELLIING HER THAT HER MOTHER HAD DIIED IIN THE
CRASH AND THAT SHE WAS THE LONE SURV VOR. DR WELLS AND DR GURW TZ TELL NG
CRASH AND THAT SHE WAS THE LONE SURVIIVOR.DR..WELLS AND DR..GURWIITZ TELLIING
HER THAT SHE’’DSUFFERED MAJJORPHYSIICALDAMAGE BUT THAT THEY WERE WORKIING
HER THAT SHE D SUFFERED MA OR PHYS CAL DAMAGE BUT THAT THEY WERE WORK NG
TOGETHER TO REBUIILDHER AND MAKE HER "BETTER" THAN BEFORE..DR..SPECK DROPPIING
TOGETHER TO REBU LD HER AND MAKE HER "BETTER" THAN BEFORE DR SPECK DROPP NG
BY TWIICEDAIILY TO HELP HER DEAL WIITHHER EMOTIIONALSTATE..FATHER MASCELLII
BY TW CE DA LY TO HELP HER DEAL W TH HER EMOT ONAL STATE FATHER MASCELL
V SITING WEEKLY TO G VE HER SP RITUAL GU DANCE. DR ’S WELLS AND GURW TZ
VIISITINGWEEKLY TO GIIVEHER SPIIRITUALGUIIDANCE.DR..’SWELLS AND GURWIITZ
EXPLAIINING THE MIIRACLESOF SCIIENCEAND SURGERY THAT THEY’’DPERFORMED ON HER
EXPLA NING THE M RACLES OF SC ENCE AND SURGERY THAT THEY D PERFORMED ON HER
OVER THE F VE-WEEK PER OD S NCE THE CRASH HER BRA N, R GHT ARM R GHT EYE
OVER THE FIIVE-WEEKPERIIODSIINCE THE CRASH..HER BRAIIN,RIIGHTARM,,RIIGHTEYE,,
STOMACH,,AND SKELETAL SYSTEM WERE UNDAMAGED ENOUGH TO REMAIIN((THOUGH
STOMACH AND SKELETAL SYSTEM WERE UNDAMAGED ENOUGH TO REMA N THOUGH
THERE WERE A HALF--DOZENMAJJORSKELETAL RECONSTRUCTIIONSWIITHSCREWS AND
THERE WERE A HALF DOZEN MA OR SKELETAL RECONSTRUCT ONS W TH SCREWS AND
PLATES . OVAR ES WERE NTACT BUT REMOVED BECAUSE OF OTHER NTERNAL DAMAGE
PLATES)).OVARIIESWERE IINTACTBUT REMOVED BECAUSE OF OTHER IINTERNALDAMAGE
THAT WOULD HAVE PRECLUDED CH LDBIRTH. B O-ELASTICINE EXO SKIN COMPLETE W TH
THAT WOULD HAVE PRECLUDED CHIILDBIRTH. BIIO-ELASTICINEEXO--SKINCOMPLETE WIITH
NAVEL N PPLES, AND F NGERPRINTS CAPABLE OF EXPAND NG UP TO E GHT NCHES SHOULD
NAVEL,,NIIPPLES,AND FIINGERPRINTSCAPABLE OF EXPANDIINGUP TO EIIGHTIINCHES((SHOULD
SHE GROW . S MU-REALISTIC, DYE RECEPT VE HA RS THAT CAN BE CUT OR STYLED OR
SHE GROW)).SIIMU-REALISTIC,DYE RECEPTIIVEHAIIRSTHAT CAN BE CUT OR STYLED OR
REWOVEN THERMAL HEAT REGULATOR THAT KEEPS BODY TEMPERATURE AT 98 6, NO
REWOVEN..THERMAL HEAT REGULATOR THAT KEEPS BODY TEMPERATURE AT 98..6,NO
MATTER WHAT THE RELATIIVEENVIIRONMENTALTEMPERATURE.. LUNGS THAT IINFLATEAND
 MATTER WHAT THE RELAT VE ENV RONMENTAL TEMPERATURE LUNGS THAT NFLATE AND
DEFLATE AS NEEDED TO SUPPLY OXYGEN TO THE BLOODSTREAM,,CAPABLE OF REMOVIING
 DEFLATE AS NEEDED TO SUPPLY OXYGEN TO THE BLOODSTREAM CAPABLE OF REMOV NG
 ENOUGH OXYGEN FROM PURE WATER TO MA NTAIN L FE SUPPORT FOR UP TO 30 M NUTES.
ENOUGH OXYGEN FROM PURE WATER TO MAIINTAIN LIIFESUPPORT FOR UP TO 30 MIINUTES.
SERVOMECHANIICAL HEART THAT PUMPS BLOOD ONLY AS NEEDED..BLOOD IINFUSED WIITH
 SERVOMECHAN CAL HEART THAT PUMPS BLOOD ONLY AS NEEDED BLOOD NFUSED W TH
 SYNTHET C MMUNITY CONVERT NG M CROORGANISMS, WH CH CONTA N AND EL MINATE
SYNTHETIIC IIMMUNITYCONVERTIINGMIICROORGANISMS,WHIICHCONTAIINAND ELIIMINATE
 V RUSES. R GHT EYE S OPT C NERVES ALSO CONTROL THE MOVEMENT AND FOCUS OF THE
VIIRUSES.RIIGHTEYE’’SOPTIICNERVES ALSO CONTROL THE MOVEMENT AND FOCUS OF THE
ARTIIFICIAL LEFT EYE,, WHIICH IISCAPABLE OF MAGNIIFICATIONUP TO 300X WHEN THE RIIGHT
 ART FICIAL LEFT EYE WH CH S CAPABLE OF MAGN FICATION UP TO 300X WHEN THE R GHT
EYE IISCLOSED AND THE BRAIIN LEARNS TO CONTROL IIT IINDEPENDENTOF THE RIIGHTEYE..
 EYE S CLOSED AND THE BRA N LEARNS TO CONTROL T NDEPENDENT OF THE R GHT EYE
AUDIIO REALIIZATIION MONIITORS CONNECTED TO HER ORIIGIINAL TYMPANIIC MEMBRANES..
 AUD O REAL ZAT ON MON TORS CONNECTED TO HER OR G NAL TYMPAN C MEMBRANES
BREAST IIMPLANTS AVAIILABLE AFTER PUBERTY..SYSTEM HARMONIIZED BY A COMPUTER
 BREAST MPLANTS AVA LABLE AFTER PUBERTY SYSTEM HARMON ZED BY A COMPUTER
 UNCTION THAT S ATTACHED TO THE HEART AND CONNECTED TO THE BRA N STEM AT THE
JJUNCTION THAT IISATTACHED TO THE HEART AND CONNECTED TO THE BRAIINSTEM AT THE
 BASE OF THE SKULL HARMON ZER CAN ONLY BE OVERR DDEN BY THE BRA N TSELF. ALL
BASE OF THE SKULL..HARMONIIZERCAN ONLY BE OVERRIIDDENBY THE BRAIINIITSELF.ALL
 NEURAL ST MULI FED THROUGH HARMON ZER.
NEURAL STIIMULI FED THROUGH HARMONIIZER.

MELIISANDE CONCENTRATED ON THE HARMONIIZER UNTIIL SHE COULD PERFECTLY TUNE HER
MEL SANDE CONCENTRATED ON THE HARMON ZER UNT L SHE COULD PERFECTLY TUNE HER
BRAIINWAVES TO THE IINTERNALHUM THAT SHE FELT AT THE BASE OF HER SKULL..SHE
BRA NWAVES TO THE NTERNAL HUM THAT SHE FELT AT THE BASE OF HER SKULL SHE
OVERRODE THE HARMONIIZERAND SHUT THE SYSTEM DOWN.. FUNCTIIONSCEASED..
OVERRODE THE HARMON ZER AND SHUT THE SYSTEM DOWN FUNCT ONS CEASED
                                GRIIEVIING
                                GR EV NG


IIHAD A HEAVY HEART FOR ALL THOSE WHO PERIISHED IIN THE SENSELESS RAMPAGE AT
  HAD A HEAVY HEART FOR ALL THOSE WHO PER SHED N THE SENSELESS RAMPAGE AT
VIIRGIINIIA TECH..IIGRIIEVED TOO FOR THE POOR MIISGUIIDED,, MALADJJUSTED YOUNG MAN
 V RG N A TECH GR EVED TOO FOR THE POOR M SGU DED MALAD USTED YOUNG MAN
 WHO THOUGHT THAT H S OPT ONS WERE L MITED I CAN'T HELP BUT TH NK THAT HE WAS A
WHO THOUGHT THAT HIISOPTIIONS WERE LIIMITED((ICAN'T HELP BUT THIINKTHAT HE WAS A
 BABY AT A BREAST 20 SOME ODD YEARS AGO . THE CH LDREN OF TH S COUNTRY HAVE
BABY AT A BREAST 20 SOME--ODDYEARS AGO)).THE CHIILDRENOF THIISCOUNTRY HAVE
 L MITLESS OPT ONS BUT SADLY TOO FEW OF THEM REAL ZE TH S. WE'VE FED THEM TOO
LIIMITLESSOPTIIONSBUT,, SADLY,, TOO FEW OF THEM REALIIZE THIIS.WE'VE FED THEM TOO
 MUCH TOO MUCH FOR TOO LONG WE'RE N AN NCONCEIVABLE POS TION. THERE ARE
MUCH TOO MUCH FOR TOO LONG..WE'RE IINAN IINCONCEIVABLEPOSIITION.THERE ARE
PSYCHOTIICDIISGRUNTLED PEOPLE WIITHACCESS TO FIIREARMSAND WE ALL KNOW THAT..
 PSYCHOT C D SGRUNTLED PEOPLE W TH ACCESS TO F REARMS AND WE ALL KNOW THAT
WHY ARE WE SHOCKED WHEN SOMETHIING LIIKE THIIS HAPPENS? WE SHOULD BE SHOCKED
 WHY ARE WE SHOCKED WHEN SOMETH NG L KE TH S HAPPENS? WE SHOULD BE SHOCKED
 THAT WE D DN''T TAKE TH S YOUNG MAN UNDER OUR W NGS AND MAKE H M FEEL
THAT WE DIIDNT TAKE THIISYOUNG MAN UNDER OUR WIINGSAND MAKE HIIM FEEL
WELCOMED AND TREATED HIISPSYCHOSIISPROPERLY --AND WATCHED HIIMA BIITMORE..WE
 WELCOMED AND TREATED H S PSYCHOS S PROPERLY AND WATCHED H M A B T MORE WE
ARE SHOWIING THE VT STUDENTS ENORMOUS COMPASSIIONNOW,,WHIICHMEANS THAT WE
 ARE SHOW NG THE VT STUDENTS ENORMOUS COMPASS ON NOW WH CH MEANS THAT WE
 ARE CAPABLE OF ENORMOUS COMPASS ON. T NEEDN'T BE USED ONLY N T ME OF TRAGEDY
ARE CAPABLE OF ENORMOUS COMPASSIION. IITNEEDN'T BE USED ONLY IIN TIIMEOF TRAGEDY..
PERHAPS WE CAN PREVENT THE NEXT MESS BY LOVIING ONE ANOTHER A BIIT MORE --NOW..
 PERHAPS WE CAN PREVENT THE NEXT MESS BY LOV NG ONE ANOTHER A B T MORE NOW


ADDENDUM --
 ADDENDUM
IIWOULD LIIKE TO CHANGE OUR CONSTIITUTIION A SMIIDGE.. IIKNOW WHAT YOU''RE THIINKIING,,
  WOULD L KE TO CHANGE OUR CONST TUT ON A SM DGE KNOW WHAT YOU RE TH NK NG
"OUR CONSTIITUTIION IIS OUR BACKBONE AND NOT A THIING TO BE TRIIFLED WIITH.." YEAH,,
 "OUR CONST TUT ON S OUR BACKBONE AND NOT A TH NG TO BE TR FLED W TH " YEAH
 YEAH KNOW DON'T WANT TO CHANGE THE READ NG OF THE CONST TUTION, UST THE
YEAH,, IIKNOW.. IIDON'T WANT TO CHANGE THE READIINGOF THE CONSTIITUTION,JJUSTTHE
 SPELL NG N ONE NSTANCE. TH NK THE "R GHT TO BEAR ARMS" SHOULD READ "THE R GHT
SPELLIING IINONE IINSTANCE. IITHIINKTHE "RIIGHTTO BEAR ARMS" SHOULD READ "THE RIIGHT
 TO BARE ARMS " ANYONE OVER THE LEGAL AGE WHICH MAY VARY FROM STATE TO STATE
TO BARE ARMS.."ANYONE OVER THE LEGAL AGE ((WHICHMAY VARY FROM STATE TO STATE))
 SHOULD HAVE THE R GHT TO SHAVE H S OR HER ARMS AS OFTEN AS ONE W SHES. COULDN'T
SHOULD HAVE THE RIIGHTTO SHAVE HIISOR HER ARMS AS OFTEN AS ONE WIISHES.COULDN'T
HURT..MIIGHTHELP..
 HURT M GHT HELP

GOODNIIGHT,,MY FELLOW AMERIICANS..
GOODN GHT MY FELLOW AMER CANS
                            CASA DE HUESOS
                            CASA DE HUESOS
http://bp1.blogger.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SCU523p_0bI/AAAAAAAAALg/wrN_xmr7V
fI/s1600-h/Haunted-House.jpg
http://bp1.blogger.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SCU523p_0bI/AAAAAAAAALg/wrN_xmr7V
fI/s1600-h/Haunted-House.jpg
THE HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME RECENTLY SOLD AFTER BEIING ON THE MARKET
THE HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME RECENTLY SOLD AFTER BE NG ON THE MARKET
FOR A FEW MONTHS THE COUPLE THAT L VED THERE PREV OUSLY WAS AN ODD PA R. THEY
FOR A FEW MONTHS..THE COUPLE THAT LIIVED THERE PREVIIOUSLYWAS AN ODD PAIIR.THEY
WERE FAIIRLY FREAKY LOOKIINGAND ARGUED OFTEN AND LOUDLY..THE MAN ALWAYS
WERE FA RLY FREAKY LOOK NG AND ARGUED OFTEN AND LOUDLY THE MAN ALWAYS
SEEMED DIIRTYAND UNKEMPT..THERE WERE PLASTIICBAGS IINHIISCAR THAT SEEMED TO BE
SEEMED D RTY AND UNKEMPT THERE WERE PLAST C BAGS N H S CAR THAT SEEMED TO BE
F LLED W TH D RTY LAUNDRY AT ALL T MES. THE WOMAN LOOKED L KE 18 M LES OF
FIILLEDWIITHDIIRTY LAUNDRY AT ALL TIIMES.THE WOMAN LOOKED LIIKE18 MIILESOF
RAGGED TW STED H GHWAY. THEY HAD AN OLD FAT DOG THAT WAS THE EP TOME OF THEM
RAGGED TWIISTEDHIIGHWAY.THEY HAD AN OLD FAT DOG THAT WAS THE EPIITOMEOF THEM
BOTH..HE WOULD SIITAT THE CURB,,STARE TO TOWARD THE SKY,,AND BARK IINCESSANTLY
BOTH HE WOULD S T AT THE CURB STARE TO TOWARD THE SKY AND BARK NCESSANTLY
AT…GOD,, IISUPPOSE..
AT…GOD SUPPOSE

A BLACK GUY BOUGHT THE HOUSE AND PROMPTLY TORE IIT DOWN.. IIWAS HAPPY THAT
A BLACK GUY BOUGHT THE HOUSE AND PROMPTLY TORE T DOWN WAS HAPPY THAT
THEY WERE GONE AND EVEN HAPPIIER TO HAVE ANOTHER BLACK GUY IIN THE
THEY WERE GONE AND EVEN HAPP ER TO HAVE ANOTHER BLACK GUY N THE
NE GHBORHOOD F NALLY. HE BEGAN REBU LDING AND WENT OVER TO MEET H M AFTER
NEIIGHBORHOOD FIINALLY. HE BEGAN REBUIILDINGAND IIWENT OVER TO MEET HIIMAFTER
CONSTRUCTIIONBEGAN..VERY COOL..
CONSTRUCT ON BEGAN VERY COOL

“SO,,HOW LONG HAVE YOU LIIVED HERE?” HE ASKED..
“SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU L VED HERE?” HE ASKED

“21 YEARS..”
“21 YEARS ”

“WOW,,THAT’’S A LONG TIIME..MY WIIFE AND IIBOUGHT THIIS PLACE AS AN IINVESTMENT..
“WOW THAT S A LONG T ME MY W FE AND BOUGHT TH S PLACE AS AN NVESTMENT
WE’’RE REBUIILDIING IIT AS A RENTAL PROPERTY..DIID YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO LIIVED
WE RE REBU LD NG T AS A RENTAL PROPERTY D D YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO L VED
HERE BEFORE?”
HERE BEFORE?”

“IINEVER SPOKE TO THEM BUT IISAW THEM OFTEN..THEY WERE KIINDA STRANGE..”
“ NEVER SPOKE TO THEM BUT SAW THEM OFTEN THEY WERE K NDA STRANGE ”

“IIBET THEY WERE..THEY WERE HOARDERS..WHEN IIFIIRST LOOKED AT THE PROPERTY,,
“ BET THEY WERE THEY WERE HOARDERS WHEN F RST LOOKED AT THE PROPERTY
THEY WERE ST LL L VING HERE THEY HAD SH T STACKED UP TO THE CE LING. OLD
THEY WERE STIILL LIIVING HERE..THEY HAD SHIITSTACKED UP TO THE CEIILING.OLD
NEWSPAPERS P LES OF CLOTHES CRAP COULDN T EVEN DENTIFY. NOT ONLY THAT THEY
NEWSPAPERS,,PIILESOF CLOTHES,,CRAP IICOULDN’’TEVEN IIDENTIFY.NOT ONLY THAT,, THEY
L VED W TH RATS MEAN L VED W TH RATS WHEN CAME N, THE RATS WEREN T AFRA D
LIIVED WIITHRATS.. IIMEAN,,LIIVED WIITHRATS..WHEN IICAME IIN, THE RATS WEREN’’TAFRAIID
OF ME AND THERE WAS RAT SH T ON EVERYTH NG. RATS ON THE FURN TURE, RATS
OF ME AND THERE WAS RAT SHIITON EVERYTHIING. RATS ON THE FURNIITURE, RATS
EVERYWHERE ”
EVERYWHERE..”


“I can believe that from what I saw of them.”

“When I went out back to redo the plumbing for the sprinkler system, I found a bone in
the dirt, buried about eight inches down.”

“Yeah, they had a pudgy little dog.”

“Naw man, I mean a real bone. You know, a bone.”
“What do you mean a bone? What kind of bone?”

“It looked like a leg bone to me. Like a human leg. I kept digging, then I found another
one with what looked like an ankle attached.”

“And?!?!??”

“I threw that shit away, man. I don’t need that kind of trouble. I don’t need investigators
in here slowing down my construction. I had enough trouble with the city trying to get
permits to rebuild.”

Do I need this kind of information floating around in my head? I think not. Are there
more bones deeper in the dirt across the street? Is there a skull over there? Are there 19
transients in shallow graves less than fifty yards from where I raised my kids? Did this
guy find a deer leg bone and assume it was human because it was long? I talked to an
attorney friend and he’s contacting a retired homicide detective and I’m trying to forget
that I ever heard this story. Yuck!
                                    Irwin


My son came home from school today and was having a snack before homework. He
called me and told me that there was a Praying Mantis in the living room. Much like
myself, he's a goofball, so of course - I didn't believe him. I came downstairs to find a
Mantis sitting nonchalantly by the television on a basket that sits atop a floor speaker.
Odd. Odd even for oddballs like us. We caught it and put it into our abandoned Hamster
cage/habitat. Made sense to us at the time. My son was watching “The Crocodile Hunter”
on TV while we caught this strange creature so we named it Irwin, in honor of the late
Steve Irwin. Bet your day wasn't as weird as ours.
                                WTF? Again


Sorry for this moment of ultimate seriousness in the midst of the ridiculous. I went to bed
sad and angry last night. I wrote something silly and fun to take my mind off of my
misery but it didn’t really work. Woke up with the same angst.

Immediately following the “State of the Union” last night, the local news did their usual
local nonsense. In the midst of the norm, they did their nightly “War in Iraq” update.
“Today in the fight to free Iraq, five soldiers were killed. Three died because of a
roadside explosive and two died as a result of small arms fire from snipers. Now, let’s see
what Fred has to say about who’s going to win the big game this Sunday. I’ve got my
money on the Patriots.”

Really? Are we so blind and deaf to all that happens outside of our personal little
bubbles that we numbly sit and watch this kinda stuff on TV and go on to eat our
dinners? I’m not sure what we ever were but I definitely don’t like what we’ve become.
                                Tea With Irwin
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7958/1742/1600/MantisMan_Color.jpg
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7958/1742/1600/MantisMan_Color.jpg
He eyed me while tilting his triangular head, “So, what time is tea around here?”

“I was about to make a cup now. Would you like Tangly Timber with a mint leaf or
Saskatoon Cinnamon with a spritz of clove oil?” I asked the overly friendly Praying
Mantis.

“Actually, I’m hooked on Raspberry Root, but I’ll take some of that Timber crap, if that’s
all you have. Have you given any thought to what to feed me? You have no idea of what
my diet consists of, do you?” He asked.

“Well, I was planning on pizza tonight. Pepperoni okay with you? You tell me the
topping you prefer.”

“Actually, the meat is cool but the dairy part and breading stuff won’t really do well in
my digestive tract. I prefer my food live. Cricket. Roach. Even a frog or a small bird
would do. Hell, I’d even do a fly, if that’s all you have hanging around,” Irwin said.

I put the kettle on to boil and sat down beside my houseguest. He groomed his antennae
with his forelegs and I hung bags from two mugs.

“So…live food huh? I’m not sure what I have handy. There was a moth flying around the
porch light a while ago, but it’s surely flown on to brighter pastures by now. You sure it
has to be live?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I am a higher plane of being than most creatures because I eat the
living. Look me up on the Internet. I am one of the planet’s most highly evolved
predators. Hooks on the ends of my hands, wings, powerful legs, excellent vision, and the
ability to digest insects, including poisonous insects, reptiles, amphibians, birds, you
name it. I’m a modern marvel of evolution. I’m the only insect that can turn its head
around to see backwards. I am the real deal,” Irwin said, somehow without sounding
pompous.

“What makes you say you’re on a higher plane?” I asked as I poured the hot water over
the sweet smelling teabags.

“I have the essence of every creature that I have eaten. I have a portion of each of their
souls because I ate them while they were living. I am closer to Nirvana than most because
I ingest the living. You are simple because you eat the meat of the dead and decaying.
I’m better than you,” he said, now sounding kinda smug.

“And you’re sure about this theory?” I asked, gently stirring the tea in each mug.
“Being on this level affords me certain truths and the fact that I am better than you
because of what I have taken into my self is clearly evident. It’s a Renfield kinda thing.
Eat a bug, take on his essence. That essence never leaves you. You take in part of his soul
and a smaller part of every soul that he may have eaten. I am miles above you mortal
men,” he said as he reached out for his mug.

I reached out and took my mug also. I sipped my tea and crunched my Mantis and
enjoyed my afternoon. I don’t feel any smarter. I feel…like I need to brush my teeth. Oh
well.
                           HOW I SHARED MY HUSBAND
             (dark subject matter & graphic depictions – read at your peril)


My pretty Paul was not the kind
To throw sparks at passersby.
But apparently he received
Rather well,
And was rather well received.

My pretty Joyce was rain or shine
Hand-in-hand pal for life.
A friendship fashioned forever,
Until rain or shine
Became fair weather.

My pretty people were my world,
The ends of opposing poles.
They were the base in my life,
Whose debasement thereof,
Became rife.


Joyce and Paul agreed to meet
To brainstorm for my party.
Their plans were laid in hidden heat,
Before their meetings started.
The storm warnings did not impart,
The fury of their desire.
Nor did the thought of my heart
Cool their covetous fire.
Guilt and remorse were soon quelled,
As were the newfound friends.
Secrets are meant to be held,
Especially when new love offends.
Did my only loves so disrespect me this way?
Was this the surprise planned for my birthday?

Their fatal chance encounter was unleashed lust,
That unbeknownst to me had been in tow for years.
While in the guise of the keepers of my trust,
Their desires echoed but never reached my ears.
My pretty uncontrollable loves fell upon each other,
Neither stopping to hear my world caving in.
Consuming passions forced my spouse to take the friend of his lover,
As was also the case of my spouse craving friend.
Quite against their wills their lust turned to love,
And bloomed beyond their control.
Soon secret trysts were not enough,
To share the love they stole.
A rotten love affair will sometimes stink forever.
Other times the party crossed becomes empowered to sever.

With hindsight, I understand my Joyce scented sheets,
And her inability to keep our Sunday brunch dates.
Paul’s “honey, I love you’s” were at best cheats,
As was his feigned interest in his bedmate.
I guess I should have read the road signs,
That spelled out every hairpin turn.
You’d think I would have seen the star shine,
While they grew and I failed to learn.
I never gave reason for your betrayal, my pretty Joyce,
Nor was I ever unwilling to satisfy you, my pretty Paul.
This act of treason was altogether your choice,
And we all know why and where the axe must fall.
My gods have fallen to Hell and I never even saw them slip.
If Hell is their destination, then I’ll join them in their trip.

Now that the deed is done and the seed is sown,
I shall redress them with a dressing down.
To do this, my beatless heart must turn to stone,
And my guileless face mask smile or frown.
Exacting grim punishment has never been my gift,
Nor severing relationships ever been my plan.
In avenging my spousal covenant’s most foul rift,
I intend to cleave the cleaving woman from man.
Though my curative training commands me to heal,
It is implied that I judge relative revivability.
Attaining sterile instruments in my field,
Is as simple as ignoring my vow’s sanctity.
Undertakings of this nature require extreme poise and grace.
As did the killing of my marriage without remorse on either face.

I suppose one outcome would be that I would lose love’s aptitude,
And be thrown upon the cold rocks of warmth’s pall.
Befitting me, I propose to offer myself to love’s latitude,
A distinction that I would no doubt prefer above all.
Further, it could be that upon completion of this violent revenge,
My dissatisfied heart will discover no satiation.
Like a soulless Spectre forever begging at heaven’s fringe,
My unqualified heart must have this retaliation.
It is for God to pardon me for this sin against Man,
For it is only His forgiveness that I shall ever abide.
Besides, it is much more seemly to sunder foot and hand,
Than to fairly take hearts in the literal eye for eye.
Whatever my consequence in this heinous matter, it is just.
A kind of hurting is warranted on those who openly breach trust.

Subduing my Pretty Paul was no great feat,
Considering his indulgence in that night’s meal.
His raves regarding the rich taste of the meat,
Fueled his consumption of the Morphined veal.
I surmounted my Pretty Joyce on the following day,
By doling out several blows to the head.
Overcome and in a state of disarray,
I laid her beside her comrade in bed.
Chained to the walls of my basement, they began their stay,
In the hell of their love’s wildest dreams.
Linked by crimes of debasement are those who stray,
And penalties for this fine pain are high indeed.
Finally, the game is afoot in my wholly unholy mission.
I will have my pound of flesh from those who caused this condition.

“I never meant to hurt you, you know,”
Says he, realizing his impotency.
‘“We should have stopped long ago,”
Says she, through the tears and weight of pregnancy.
“You just can’t do this to us!”
He screams, knowing well my vengeance.
“We never meant to be serious,”
She cries, as though there is a difference.
My turn to watch them writhe
And suffer their romance.
I bring with me a scythe,
As end to this performance.
A tragic heroine caught in the family way,
Simply adds to the sadness of this passion-play.

The amputation of a single finger,
Pales to the loss of an entire hand.
All pain is pain that lingers,
But physical pain, I can withstand.
While in their narcotic rest,
I cut off their hands for my heart.
I sutured their wounds and dressed,
The arms that never would part.
Needless to say, they awoke unamused,
And screamed and yelled bloody murder.
They felt they’d been abused,
But knew not of my plans to go further.
In shearing their hands, I have shown them defeat.
Love’s vowed vendetta is now one-third complete.

After two days away from their hands,
I freed them of their feet.
With morphine at my command,
I made their cropping complete.
In their painful newfound state,
They had no need of their chains.
Why incarcerate,
Those who must remain?
Fearing that I may snip them further,
Paul seemed the most unnerved.
I had calmed my trimming fervor,
But my finale had been reserved.
Once pruned, my limbless loves now had only their minds.
The goal before me now - hack away that too in kind.

The new game in town was now beginning,
And I alone wrote the rules.
To set their little wheels to spinning,
I told them of their unique menus.
Strictly gourmet meals on golden platters,
The fare had been for the last five days.
Knuckle soup with fecal matter,
Followed by my famous foot soufflés.
When told I had aborted her child,
My pretty Joyce became a lost cause.
My pretty Paul went simply wild,
When he recalled it’s tasty tart sauce.
These acts, in fact, are too far for even me to go.
With stomachs and minds unsettled, they’ll never even know.

With a game this completely engrossing,
It’s hard not to lose as you win.
The slam of sanity’s closing,
Echoes from both outside and in.
Who knows which devil knows best,
When they all have hold of your hand?
“Revenge the pain in your breast,
Or live with what you cannot withstand?”
Moments come when I have my doubts,
Whether or not I am on this limb.
My answers comes to me in shouts,
I think it’s me but it’s them.
The state of my thoughts I willingly mistrust.
A point I would worry over, if I didn’t feel so just.

My pretties are not so pretty these days,
With their hollow and ghastly grim faces.
There seems to be something akin to malaise,
In these lovers who’ve lost their embraces.
Small mindless creatures that quiver and drool,
And stare toward the void since their capture.
Destroyed by the simplest surgical tool,
Cut to the quick and bereft them of rapture.
The storm is now gone and peace has returned,
My heart is resuming its rhythm.
My role is no longer wife/friend spurned,
But planner of what to do with them.
This most macabre deed has brought a most serenely pleasant reaction.
I feel only a total, sheerly outright, completely cool satisfaction.

The trip to the car was a journey itself,
With Paul’s muffled attempts to be heard.
Joyce became an eel in a seat-belt,
But the sedative had the last word.
Lolling and crying, they begged and they pleaded,
Though they saw only doom in my eyes.
As if sorrow for pain was the remedy needed,
And I was their vessel for lies.
The ride seemed tremendously long,
Yet short to them I suppose.
Fittingly, the radio did not play our song,
A tune that will soon decompose.
A good deal off the road, I gave them a last cozy dose of morphine.
I ungagged them and left them in this forbidding and sandy new scene.

As I expose this seamless sin to you,
Your troops are out scouring the desert.
My crime is what you must prove,
Criminals cannot simply assert.
I admit these deeds to the law,
Because I knew you would question in time.
Where are Joyce and Paul?
That is for you to divine.
My conscience, to spare me damnation,
Made me make a clean breast in detail.
All but that one prime location,
That would undoubtedly land me in jail.
Without corpus delicti, passions crimes are but baseless reflection.
Without Paul and Joyce to testify, it’s just a confessor’s conception.
                     Travels With the Bloofer Lady Pt. 2


My eyes fluttered and all was silence in my darkened room. There was sunset just beyond
my window but dusk was settling heavily in my small room. My viewpoint was from the
floor, just at the foot of my unmade bed. My Bloofer, Lucy, was a vision in dark,
flowing, purple velvet. Her hair moved independent of her head. Her hair swam and
seemed to reach out to me. I was still lying on the floor, paralyzed and in the deep throes
of love for this temptress. She smiled down at me and blood drooled in long silken
crimson strands from her teeth and entered my waiting mouth. Her blood was cold, yet it
brought breath and life with it. A kind of life that I had never felt before. A hyper-life. A
life unending. I life of hunger and power. Fulfillment and solitude. My limbs began to fill
with this power, an offshoot of Lucy's power. I knew that all that I was or ever would be
was an extension of her greatness. I stood and breathed new air. I saw a new world. A
world that would bow to me because I was an essential part of the Empress of the Night.

I stepped out of my window and followed my master/lover out and above the darkling
city.
                             The Little Light Bulb


Once upon a time, there was a little light bulb that lived in a magnificent chandelier. She
was a sad little light bulb because she was dark and cold while all the other bulbs were
bright and happy. They all turned on together, laughing and sparkling every time the man
came into the room. She simply sat in her socket while the others shined and sparkled and
filled the room with their light.

Oh sure, she could see by their light and feel some of their heat upon her outer body of
delicate glass, but her insides were dark and cold. She had no contribution to give and
this made her sad. So sad, that once she wished that the socket would release her so that
she could crash to the floor.

But the man would have to pick up the pieces and she had no wish to trouble him, for you
see, she loved the man.

There was a time when the man would enter the room and the electricity would strike and
she would outshine every bulb in the chandelier. She would shine so brightly that the man
noticed her and called her his “little sparkler.” She returned his love by being bright when
he read his books and dim when he had a headache.

Their relationship grew until one day when the man cleaned the chandelier. He used a
feather duster, which he brushed against her ever so gently but hard enough to jar her
away from her current. From that day on, she had been cold inside

One day the man looked up at the chandelier and seemed to notice something odd. He left
the room and returned with a step ladder, which he placed under the chandelier. The little
light bulb became frightened because she knew that she would be replaced and thrown
into the trash. She tried her best to sparkle, but all she could do was watch as his hand
came close. Then, she felt his warm fingertips on her cold body and knew the time for
replacement was here. She gathered her dignity and vowed that her removal would be
graceful.

Just then, he twisted her slightly and she flickered back to life. Her light was brighter than
ever and she could feel her inner warmth beaming. She looked down at the man who was
smiling and climbing down the ladder. She sent her glowing love to give light to his life.

Moral: Sometimes, when you’re down and you think you’re all burned out, it can all turn
around when the right guy comes along and screws you.
                                  Catversation
                                   (all apologies to Sting)


I saw a stray cat lying in the grass while on my way to wisdom. I couldn’t resist lying
next to him to find out the mysteries that he contained.

“I wish that I could live a life like yours. Lying in the Sun and being taken care of. Being
fed when I’m hungry, petted, and loved.”

He gave me a tremendously long sang-froid stare. Then closed his eyes indifferently.

“To lie about, purring contentedly. To have the ability to turn on a hunting instinct to full
power and suddenly become the ultimate predator.”

He opened his eyes and cut a glare my way. The indifference was gone. It was replaced
by something close to loathing.

“I am what I am because I deserve to be. Being a cat isn’t something that happens by
chance.”

“What do you mean? You were born a cat like I was born a man. What have you done to
deserve being born a cat?”

“My kind are God’s chosen ones. We are what all others aspire to be. In every life before,
I have been a cat.”

“Nonsense! We are made in God’s image, not cats! Look at all that man has done and all
that man has meant to the Earth. What have cats achieved?”

“Nirvana.”

“That’s ridiculous. Man is king! We have created a new digital world. Technology is
what separates us from animals.”

“I watch your television when you are not home. Your technology allows you to see all
corners of the world that you are slowly ruining. I watch your rockets blast off toward
new worlds in hopes of finding life. A life that you will no doubt exploit. You search for
a planet that you can rape. One victim is not enough for you. Is that what God wants? Is
that the true aim of God? I watch your wars. Your ability to kill a few innocents to reach
the guilty is a revelation. It is also appallingly horrendous. I watch your commercials
where you reach out to the consumer offering the newest bestest most coolest fastest car
with its polluting engine. You take that car out on the highway and run over a small
creature and continue on your way. Do you feel remorse? Do you really understand
remorse? I watch you sell your alcohol to an audience that is almost unable to resist
because they are addicted to the unnatural chemical compounds. You make wine of
grapes, rice, dandelions, almost anything. Have you tried making wine out of marijuana?
Why not combine your addictions? I’m sure you’ve thought of that. If not, I pity you for
what you will now do with this suggestion.”

“Wait, you can’t belittle man for the horrors that we may have done. What about all the
good things that we do?”

“What good things do you do?”

“We created roads, society, government, farming, shipping, art, music, the written word.”

“All of those things relate only to you. The rest of the living things on this planet get zero
benefit from all the wonders that man has created. The things that affect the rest of us are
also creations of man. Zoos, hazardous chemicals, hunting for sport, smog, you’ve even
begun to destroy the layers above the Earth that protect all living things from doom. Nice
going.”

“What have cats done to make the planet better? What do you do for others?”

“We retain a sense of modesty. We don’t attempt to lord over all else.”

“Well…you can’t blame me for what other men have done.”

“You have a saying that goes, ‘what one man can do, another man can do.’ If one man
does evil and other men do not act on this, then all men are complicit in this evil. What
have you done to stop the evils that other men do?”

“But…I don’t know how…I can’t…”

“You are a confusing and mysteriously stupid animal. You work to buy gas to go to
work. You complain about the price of gas but have no complaint or realization that
water costs more than gas. Gas is a refined product that is often shipped across great
oceans from countries that despise you. I understand it costing a great deal. Isn’t water
free? I’ve seen it fall from the skies for days on end. Who sells it back to you and why?”

“But you don’t understand, God has chosen man to-“

“What if I had irrefutable unquestionable evidence that God exists but He no longer cares
about you? What if I told you that God created you, then became bored and moved on?”

I looked into the cat’s wonderful eyes and felt hatred for this creature. He was obviously
sent here to be my serpent. My mind swam in the murky thoughts that this evil feline had
presented me with. It was then that I realized that I had been lying on a cozy lawn with a
cat that SPOKE to me! His ability to speak had seemed so natural to this point that it
never occurred to me that I was in the presence of a talking cat.
“Have you been speaking to me? Speaking English? How is this possible?”

The cat stood slowly, arched its back in a lazy stretch, rubbed its chin and cheek lovingly
against my shoulder, then meowed and slowly walked away leaving me alone and
dumbfounded on a beautiful lawn beneath an amazing sky.
                                Wrong Feelings


I went through most of my day thinking that I was dark and evil inside but I was wrong. I
had mistaken my emotions. I now know what's going on inside my malformed brain. I am
sad and lonely. Heartbroken without a clue as to why. No one killed my monkey. Hell, I
don't even have a monkey. But the feeling is like having my favorite monkey killed in a
terrible taxicab accident right before my eyes. I couldn't have lost a lover because I
haven't got one. It's not suddenly hitting me that my father died 25 or so years ago. I've
dealt with that. I think the loss is internal. Am I losing the ability to believe in love? Am I
never to be loved again? Not like mommy loves her precious precocious little me. Love,
longing, passion, desire and the like will never be mine again will they? Why didn't you
tell me that my ride was ending? This sucks. More than sucks. It hurts. It's making my
eyes all puffy without a tear falling. Give it to me straight Doc, is there hope?
                         I Miss the Beautiful Woman


I work out at my local YMCA (that's stupid. Who works out at a distant Y?). Okay this
isn't that kind of story, so get back on track. Right. I'm there a couple of years ago and I'm
on the roof using the free weights. The door opens and a trainer escorts and older woman
onto the roof. She was probably in her early sixties, slightly hunched over, stringy
unkempt graying hair, dour faced, and she walked with a cane. The trainer showed her
the equipment and explained the functions. She tried to pay attention but seemed
distracted. I felt her staring at me as I worked out. It felt a bit odd but not too far out of
the ordinary. They stayed approximately 4 minutes, then left me to peacefully finish my
exercises.

From the roof, I generally move on to the second floor and work out on the machines
next. When I got there, the woman was sitting on a machine trying to do a simple
movement without any weight whatsoever. She struggled and her head trembled. I smiled
at her as I passed and began my workout. Five minutes in, I felt her eyes on me. I turned
and she was sitting on a machine staring at me as if she knew me. She gave me a weak
smile that let me know that she was semi-embarrassed to be caught staring. I returned her
smile. She got up and walked over to me slowly with her cane. I stopped and looked at
her as she spoke softly.

"I wish I could still do the things that I used to do. You are very lucky to be able to do so
much," she said, then turned and walked away.

I was at a loss. She shuffled out the door and gently down the stairs. I sat on the seat of
the machine and couldn't move. What just happened and why to me? I had never had
anyone speak to me and stop all thought before. After what felt like eight years, I got up
from the machine and ran down the stairs looking for her. I found her in the parking lot. I
walked behind her and called out to her. She slowly turned and showed me her deflated
and wizened face.

"Excuse me, may I talk to you for a moment?" I asked. Her face showed her shock but
she nodded her approval nonetheless.

"Please don't be offended but I just have to say this to you."

"Go on, young man."

"You may not always feel this way, you may not think this way, you may not hear this
often enough, you may not even believe it yourself but you are beautiful. You are a
beautiful woman."

She smiled a "you're so full of shit smile," then said, "Oh yeah, I see this beautiful face
every time I look in the mirror."
"I don't think you do." I took her frail hand in mine and held it gently. "You are a
beautiful woman. I don't know you and have never seen you before today. I may never
see you again. I have no reason to lie to you. You are a beautiful woman. A very
beautiful woman."

She slowly took her hand back and wiped a tear from her face. Her shoulders heaved
slightly as she silently cried in the parking lot of the Y.

"If only...no one's ever said that to me before. My father never told me that I was
beautiful. I wanted him to think that I was beautiful. My husband didn't even...no one
ever says that about me."

"Then it's time that someone tells you the truth. I'm sure they all saw how beautiful you
are, they just couldn't say it out loud. You are beautiful."

I stood there with her until she got the tears under control. She thanked me profusely,
then got in her car and left. I felt good. Better than good. Not because I'd made someone's
day but because I did something that we seldom do as humans, I spoke the truth to a total
stranger because "I" wanted to.

A couple of weeks later, I was sitting on a machine working out and I felt a gentle tap on
my shoulder. I turned and saw a woman who looked like the older woman's daughter
standing behind me. I took my headphones off and got a better look. My beautiful woman
was standing straight and tall, her face was lightly made-up, her hair was clean looking
and pulled back into a nice little bun, and her smile was huge. She still walked with the
cane but she was a completely different woman. We talked for a brief moment before she
began her workout. I smiled all day that day.

From time to time, I'd see her at the Y - chipper and lively. After about a year, she
stopped walking with the cane. We became passing friends. We didn't get to the point of
asking each other for our names. I called her beautiful and she just said, "hey you"
whenever she saw me.

I haven't seen my beautiful woman in quite a while. I wonder how she is. I know that
she's still beautiful.
                                  The Office


I went into the office today and fired Williams right off the bat. His lack of loyalty and
clear disregard for the company's mission statement can no longer be tolerated. Jenkins
and Peterson are on notice and they feel my eyes on their backs. My secretary, Emma
Balkin, handed me the third quarter report and the boardroom was silent. I looked across
the room and all avoided my glare. We are seven points above expectations but I demand
more than a measly seven points per quarter. I popped an antacid and began my
individual critiques or tirades as the underlings have so aptly described them.

Suddenly, as if a ray of pure sunlight was burning my retinas, I realized that I don't have
a job and have never worked in an actual office of any kind. Funny how several Vicodin
and a ton of booze can make you think you're me. I know I thought I was me for a while
there. It was great, remember? I was screaming a lot and waving my arms about while
you were plucking the chickens and building up a tolerance to iocane poison. Glory days.
 An Open Letter to My Best Friends in the World - the Good Folks at Nike


Yo Nike, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you put a little money into me and sponsor my
blog? You didn’t know that the whole shoe thing would work when you gave Michael
Jordan that huge contract. Look what happened there. It turned out great for both of you.
If you give me, oh, let’s say…$53,000,000, I will put your swoosh on my site with every
post. I will wear your products at all times in public. You can promote my blog and I
promise to post at least three times a week. I won’t write anymore of that “poor me”
kinda stuff. I will write upbeat crap that everyone can enjoy. I’ll even dumb down the
content to appeal to today’s reader. I will go to your sites and comment on your new lines
of shoes and apparel. My comments will be meaningful because I will be a celebrity and
someone to be admired (after that $53,000,000). If this new venture doesn’t pan out, at
least one of us will be happy and you will know positively that this kind of thing doesn’t
work. But if it does work, watch out! Your competitors will once again be following your
industry leading promotion abilities.

Just do me!
                              Canadian Advice


I recently got advice from a friend from the world above. She told me how to break
through the gloom of life and growing older by forging ahead. I took her advice to heart
and I'm ready to begin forging.

The problem is, the word "forging" got stuck in my head and things got cloudy. The word
itself began to sound funny, then I was unsure of what the hell was being said. Was it
"forging" or "foraging"?

I mean, foraging is cool too. I could use some twigs and berries. Wait, maybe she meant
take something "for aging." That's another option that somehow makes as much sense as
anything at this time.

Then again, her message may have been take something "for raging". Again, makes sense
considering my state of mind.

Another more impractical answer would be that she meant a combination of all of these
things. I have no idea what that might mean, so I'll assume that what she said was "forge
ahead."

Ciao!
                                Falling in Starbucks


"Okay, I'll meet you at Starbucks at noon. Don't be late," she said.

"I'll be early," he said, with a smile broad enough to put the Cheshire Cat to shame.

He hung up the phone and ran to his closet to find the perfect ensemble to impress a
supposedly beautiful woman on a blind date. Nothing so formal that she might notice that
he was trying too hard but something dashing enough to get noticed. After an hour and a
half, the shirt met the pants that met the vest that met the scarf that would make him
undeniable.


11:47. He sat facing the door, waiting patiently for Constance to arrive. A woman in a
blue dress opened the door and his heart fluttered, then he remembered that Constance
was supposed to be a blonde and this woman's hair was jet black. Still, a pretty woman in
a blue dress. He could be wrong about the blonde hair. She could have recently dyed it.
The woman smiled at the handsome man who was staring at her, then continued past him
and placed her order. His eyes went back to the door, where Constance stood smiling.

Blonde, but dishwater blonde. A sort of faded gold that went down to the middle of her
back and a bit windblown. Her nose was fairly long and kinda flat at the tip. Her smile
gently off kilter. Eyes that were huge and dark. Heavy unkempt eyebrows. She was taller
than he anticipated and thinner than necessary. All in all, not the "pretty woman" that had
been described to him by his pal, Alex.

Constance sat down and extended her hand. He shook it lightly and smiled. Her smile
beamed and her less than perfect teeth gleamed in her off kilter mouth.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Michael. You're just as I expected," she said.

He reached for her hand again. She let him take it, but her look was wary. He kissed her
hand and smiled.

"You are so much more than I expected, Constance."

They are still in love today.
                Same Sex Marriage Now Legal in California!


Today, it became legal to marry one of your own kind in California. Gay couples began
early this morning in the celebration of the becoming "legal spouses". It was the lead
news story on every channel. As it stands now, 51% of the people here approve of the
unions and 42% believe that it's an abomination.

"I believe that God is looking down at us at this moment, in this state and that He
disapproves of what we are allowing here today. Same sex marriage is not marriage.
Marriage is a Holy Right designated to one man and one woman," said Reverend
Whateverthehellhisnamewas.

I hope God's not really paying too much attention to what we're doing down here. I hope
He's got something better to do. I can't imagine that He cares who we love. I can only
hope He cares "that" we love. If God's really watching, I would think He's probably more
upset that there are some among us who are speaking for Him than he might be about
wanting a legal sanction regarding who we choose to kiss.

I hope God's watching the NBA playoffs and that He helps the Laker's to go to a game 7
in Boston, then washes His hands of everything and lets the players decide who the
champions are. As it stands, the Laker's might need Him to win game 6. He's a good
defender and His passing skills are some of the best in the league right now. His jump
shot is hot and cold but hopefully, He's going to be hot tomorrow. Go Laker's!

I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought. Go gays!
                                My (Tor)Mentor


I had a dream about 20 years ago. Eternally surreal. I was in the desert, dying of hunger
and thirst. A vulture appeared beside me. It was buried to the neck in the sand. As I
approached, it began to talk to me in a familiar voice. The voice was Alfred Hitchcock's.
The HitchVulture told me that the next story that I would write would be a literary pearl.
The HitchVulture went on to tell me that I was a talented writer who simply hadn't been
discovered yet. The HitchVulture then dug itself free from the sand and unzipped its
exterior. Alfred Hitchcock was indeed beneath the feathery body. The difference was that
with the feathers stripped away, the head changed to a regular vulture and the body was a
skeletal version of Mr. Hitchcock. A large skeleton with the head of a vulture. The
HitchVulture continued to speak, nonetheless. It told me that I had to continue writing
because my talent was untapped. "Never stop putting words to paper," it said.

Since that all-important dream, I have written many screenplays, dozens of short stories,
dozens of poems, and two novels. I haven't received a single dollar from these writings
(liar!), yet I continue because "Mr. HitchVulture" gave me the incentive. Does he know
that I would appreciate some of this crap being read by half the masses? Does he realize
that I could use some form of compensation for putting words to paper? Monetary
compensation would be wonderful.

Hey Hitch, why not appear in Mr. Spielberg's dreams and tell him to give me a call so
that we can hook-up and perhaps produce some of these words on paper? You could enter
Ron Howard's dream tonight and give him my phone number and hint to him that I've got
a script or two that he needs to look into. What, are you too busy to haunt a Hollywood
big shot? If that's the case, why the hell are you screwing around with little old me?
Twenty years later and I still remember that dream vividly. I can't stop writing because he
might be right. Why me?

An old, fat, dead, British director controls my life!
                                   Gotholicism


Are they weird? Yeah, but who can point the weird finger without having it end up
directly back in their own face eventually? Are they social misfits? Think of how many
"cool" characters are actually social misfits - Spiderman, Batman, Superman,
Frankenstein, the Hulk, Hellboy, it's a long list. Are they merely seeking individuality?
Seems unlikely. Usually when one seeks to be unique, one doesn't dress and behave like a
specific group. That's not individuality, that's conformity. Perhaps it just is what it is. It's
not Jock or Nerd or Greaser or Soc or Geek or whatever else may come down or up the
pike. It's just a filled niche.
http://bp3.blogger.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SILsF4MMu5I/AAAAAAAAAPI/PsXpeh4Fx-
g/s1600-h/Goth.jpg
http://bp3.blogger.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SILsF4MMu5I/AAAAAAAAAPI/PsXpeh4Fx-
g/s1600-h/Goth.jpg
Consider the time, imagination, bravery, and delicate attention to detail that it takes to not
only achieve their look but to also live this look. I have never known a Goth personally
but I appreciate their difference.
                              So Long, Suckers!!!


Once upon a time, back in the Age of Idiots, I used to be a writer. Actually, I was a writer
for you stupids who are reading these stupid words now. The reason that I am no longer
writing for you losers is that, apparently, I am rich. Not just rich - filthy, nasty, gruesome,
stanky rich! A person of my newfound magnitude would never stoop so low as to waste
my priceless precious time writing inane crap to the underlings of the world. So, this is
my farewell to all of you numbskulls. Kiss my opulent ass as I swim in a pool full of
fortune!

You may be wondering what could have happened to make me so much better than all of
you. Well, it just so happens that I recently received an email informing me that I have a
distant relative in Nigeria (that I never even knew about before today!), who has left me
close to half a half a billion dollars! Ha ha! How ya like me now? That's right, there's
$447 million bucks waiting for me in Nigeria. Cash money, sitting in a suitcase, left to
me by Umbuku Ukumbu. He left the cash in a closet in an old suitcase with instructions
for it to be mailed to me, in the event of his death. Last week, he choked to death at a
family BBQ. Now, I'm the wealthiest man you know. Or used to know.

All I have to do is send the attorney, who holds the will and the big fat-assed suitcase
stuffed with U.S. currency, eight grand. A lousy eight thousand dollars and he puts my
future in the hands of a trusted Fed Ex dude. I've already put my house up for sale and
taken the eight thousand out my son's college fund. I know that I'll lose money on the
house in this economy but the upside is too much for me to even consider right now. Who
needs this house when I'm in line for a half a half a billion? I can tell my wife to quit her
job tomorrow. No, wait...divorce! I'm filing papers first thing in the morning! Gotta do it
quick before she finds out about my windfall. Yes, the pieces are falling into place!

Wish you were me, dontcha? Well, you're not! Sucks to be you!
                            My Dear Dear Friends!


Wasn't that a funny silly stupid joke? Nigerian relatives, ha ha. You, dear readers, are
my true friends and family. Well, I mean, you are now that I realize that my money is no
longer my money and my windfall has either blown away in the wind or fallen off a cliff
somewhere in Nigeria. Whatever.

The good thing is that my wife has forgiven me for serving her with the divorce papers.
Yeah, she just calmly took the papers, put them in the shredder, then shoved the shreds
into the pepper mill, ground them into a fine powder, mixed the powder with a squirt of
piss, a healthy spit, and kneaded that into a thick paste. She later took the paste and
carefully inserted it into an empty 357 cartridge and waited until the paste hardened.
Once hardened considerably, she simply put the divorce Papier-mâché bullet into a pistol
(when the hell did she buy a pistol?) and shot me in the face. After that, she wasn't really
that angry anymore.

So, my son won't get to go to college. Lots of people don't go to college. He may live a
life of anger and regret. Happens to the best of us. He's been walking around the house
mumbling the words "vendetta" and "blood feud." Kids today. No one can figure them
out.

There is a silver lining to this cloud. I've just gotten an email from the guy in Nigeria who
scammed me for the eight thousand dollars. He says he's sorry and he wants to give the
money back but he's already spent it. He bought a ton of food and decorations for a huge
party that he's having for me. He wants me to fly to Nigeria and be the guest of honor at
the party. I told him that I don't have the two thousand dollars that round trip airfare
would cost because I gave him almost all of my worldly cash holding. I'm down to my
last twelve hundred. Wouldn't you know it, he said that he can get me round trip tickets
for exactly twelve hundred bucks! It seems that ticket prices are lower in Nigeria. You
never know when luck will happen to you.

So, wish me bon voyage!
                                        Sound
Bitehttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SLPGG_LToqI/AAAAAAAAARY/iXbg
                            xwljylA/s1600-h/Sound-Bite.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SLPGG_LToqI/AAAAAAAAARY/iXbgxwl
jylA/s1600-h/Sound-Bite.jpg

If you really sit and think about all the people that you see on TV, on the big screen, and
those in music, you have opinions about all of them. You read something about them
from their art or you hear gossip about them on the tube or in the press or, even worse,
you hear nothing at all about them but the characters that they portray give you a
"feeling" about them. You actually know nothing about Brad Pitt, yet you think he's
either adorable or an ass for leaving Jennifer for Angelina. Do you know what idiotic
things Ms. Aniston requested of him to make him want to leave her? Of course not. And
if you did know what actually went on "behind closed doors," it would be gossip too.
None of us knows anything and we all know everything.

The best that I can hope for is to one day be reduced to a sound bite that is cooked up and
served to the masses. Bliss.
                        What's So Good About Good?


We all have evil thoughts. Are mine more evil than yours? I hope so. That either means
that I try harder or that I have a larger innate evil. Cool. This is America and we all want
to be the biggest and best. By America, I mean this world is America. Sorry to say it to
all you Canucks, Aussie's or whoever’s out there but the world has been Americanized. It
sucks but it's true. You guys were buying into our music and movies and celebrities
without realizing that the gimme gimme mentality was bundled with pop culture. Oh
well, sorry 'bout that.

Back to evil. When we come across a person with vast amounts of evil, say like a serial
killer or a politician, why do we punish them for displaying more of what we all have in
us? Those of us who have way too much good, say like a (no example shown), we don't
pray to them or anything. Well, there was that one guy a couple thousand years ago but
we did do a good bit of punishing there too.

What if we started punishing people for being too loving? I forgot, we do! It's called
marriage. Okay, what if we started punishing people for being too happy? I forgot, we
do! It's called an insane asylum. Okay, what if we started punishing people for being
too...forgetful? I forgot, we do! It's called uh,...

So, back to my point about evil. I guess my point is that I didn't really make a valid point
here. That's because, deep down, I am just a wonderful good person. That's what a truly
evil genius would want to make you think.

You figure it out.
                              Who Needs 'em?


Woman! Women! So what?!?! None of them love me and all of them lie. I would be a
happy man, if I'd never met a woman. You prick out my heart, do your seductive dance,
then spit on my soul. You claim to be the only ones with emotions. Liars! I have
emotions coming out of my ass! Just because I burp and fart out loud and watch brutal
sporting events and stick my finger all the way up my nose and laugh when someone falls
down and is obviously injured, doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. I cry every time I
watch “The Bridges of Madison County,” “Field of Dreams,” “Brian's Song,” and
“Rambo II.” I recycle. I like babies. I know how to sew a button back on a shirt and darn
a sock. All this and the entire population of you can't muster up a lousy "I love you too."

Fine. To hell with the lot of you! Outside of having a period, I used to consider myself
one of you but no more. If you can't get your ranks together and have one of your kind
represent the rest and bite the bullet and lie and say that you love me, then we are
officially at war. Don't look to me to cover a puddle with my jacket so that you can cross
the street without getting your pumps wet. I hope your toes get muddy to the point where
you need a supreme pedicure to clean out the gunk. Never again will I hold a door open
for you guys. Use your weak and pathetic upper body strength to struggle your way into a
building. I will no longer give you that smile that means I think you're the cat's meow.
You're not! You're the cat's...something else.

I've spent my lifetime trying to get your approval and love and you've shunned me,
laughed at me, and gotten off on my lifetime's goal. Well the worm has turned,
sweethearts! I despise you now. Happy? Is this what you wanted? I will do everything in
my power to destroy you one by one (except for my daughter - she is so cool!). You are
on notice, females!
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SNy6aRgWyDI/AAAAAAAAASQ/IqE74Zi
zDB4/s1600-h/group_of_women.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SNy6aRgWyDI/AAAAAAAAASQ/IqE74Zi
zDB4/s1600-h/group_of_women.jpg
I'm sorry. I love you! Love me. Love me. Love me. Kiss me kiss me kiss me. Forgive me.
It was all a joke. I'm no good without you. I need you. Don't you want me? Why don't
you want me? I'll change! I can be what you want me to be. Love me now?
                            Employment Assistance


I need help. I'm not one to ask for help but it's high time.

The only thing that I ever really wanted to be was a Matador. I saw a bullfight at age 5
and I knew my calling. I now think it's kinda cruel and mostly awful but I still want to
face down a bull in front of an adoring crowd one day. The operative word there is
"want". I know that I can't do it. Besides having a knee that's so bad that it won't allow
me to get the damn hell out of the way, I'm also scared of large livestock. Yes, even
cows. I can ride a horse like a semi-pro but I'm afraid of cows. I'm not too fond of goats
either. Crazy eyes. I've strayed from my point before even making my point. Wow, that's
bad brainwork.

This post is a plea for help. I need you to help me find employment. I've been looking for
quite a while now, with only bad luck. Don't ask me what I do or what I want to do. I
know less about me than you do. I used to be a Special Education teacher and I never
want to step foot in a classroom again. So, that qualifies me to be a...pizza delivery guy.
Nothing against pizza delivery guys, hell, we all need pizza delivered. I'm just kinda old
to break into the delivery biz. Pizza shuffling's a young man’s game.

What would you advise me to do? Don't say, "follow your heart and become a Matador."
I appreciate the sentiment but it sometimes ends badly.
                                  Melting Plot


In time, I believe that the people of the Earth will look the same. By "in time," I mean
three hundred years or so.

A little Asian. A little Indian. A little Middle Eastern. A little Spanish. A little everything.
Pretty much Filipino.

America is called the Melting Pot but that's idealistic. Southern California and New York
are very close but the vast majority of the US is pretty homogenous. Don't take that to
mean White or anti-everything not White. I mean that in most areas of the country,
Blacks marry Blacks, Hispanics marry Hispanics, and so on. Of course, there are pockets
everywhere that blend a bit. The cross-breeding, melting pot thing is an idea, not a
practice. Yet, I believe that the US comes closest to melting people into an "other." In
Europe, Fins may marry French or Poles may marry Brits but the offspring tend to be
White Europeans. I doubt that there are a lot of Chinese ladies seeking Spaniards. The
Asian nations seem to be making Asians. The Indians and Africans seem to be intent on
making more of their own.

I think that a change is coming. They say that we're in a global economy and it's true.
What one nation does in the business world affects the rest of us. I believe that the global
hybridization will follow. The extremes (Black and White) will likely fall off the chart
and the middle ground will become the norm. Asians, Indians, and Hispanics will drift
into a caramel colored, dark haired, beautiful composite. The remaining races will be
pulled into this mix and we'll have to find a new reason to hate each other.

Oh yeah, there's always religion!
                           Metaphors be With You


I borrowed the title from Patricia T. O'Connor, author of "Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe's
Guide to Better English in Plain English." She has a section devoted to mixed metaphors
that obviously turned me on at the moment. It's a cool book for those of us who know the
language but forget it as we go along in life. I read this book every couple of years to
remind meself of how speak and write is supposed being done. Is helpful.


“Listen Luke, we could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue but Darth ain’t gonna
just surrender. We gotta go get him,” I said.

“Trust me Lando, he knows we’re here. He’s watching me like I was a Hawk,” Luke said.

“He’s just a Wolf in cheap clothing. I don’t believe Darth has the power that you think he
does. I say, let him take a flying hike. Besides, he’s not the one with his ass in a noose.
His dirty laundry is finally coming home to roost. When life throws you curveballs, make
lemonade,” I said.

“Lando, you don’t know Darth like I do. I can read him like the back of my book. He’s
watching everything we do with a fine-toothed comb. To him, we’re like a sitting duck
out of water right now. If we move on him, he’ll get us by hook or by ladder. He’s
diabolically opposed to us and capturing us will be as easy as falling off a piece of cake.
Do you follow where I’m coming from? We can’t burn our bridges until we come to
them,” Luke said.

“You expect me to believe that? I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole. It’s time we
stepped up to the plate and laid our cards on the table. We can take the wind out of his
saddle, if we strike first. As it stands, people are dying like hotcakes, waiting for us to
strike the hot iron. There’s no way he’s coming out of this looking like a rose. He’s
cooking his goose deeper and deeper. Right now, he’s the low dog on the totem pole and
he’s stinking like a stuck pig,” I said.

“It won’t be that easy, Lando. He doesn’t stick out like a sore throat inside the Deathstar.
It’ll be like finding a needle in a hayride. And I’m sure he’s been burning the midnight oil
from both ends awaiting our arrival. Even with the Force, I can't read him like an open
can of worms,” Luke said.

“I know how Darth operates, kid. He can’t read the handwriting on the wind. He always
shows himself too early when provoked. You can’t change the spots on an old dog. You
may be a little green behind the ears but he’s moth-eared. The fan’s gonna hit the roof,
boy. Let’s charge in there with guns blazed and catch him cold turkey with egg on his
face. Trust me, he’s probably sweating like a bullet. Aren’t you tired of being a pawn in
his game of checkers? I know I am. I’ve been up and down so many times, I feel as if I’m
in a revolving door. We can do this. It’s not rocket surgery,” I said.

“But what if he turns out to be a tough nut to swallow? We might be torn between and
betwixt the devil and the deep blue sea. We could end up getting hit right between the
nose. The foot would be on the other hand then. I’m not sure we want to tackle that
battle,” Luke said. There was true fear on the boy’s eyes.

“Actually, I think he’s got bigger dogs to fry right now. The rebellion’s growing in size
and girth. We can tackle this hurdle. Besides, we’ve got an ace up our nose. We’ve got a
rolling stone that’s worth two in the bush, whose heart is as big as gold. We’ve got you,
young Skywalker,” I said to reassure the boy-leader.

“Stop trying to beat me over the head with a dead horse! Just because I’m now a Jedi,
doesn’t mean that I’m ready to face Darth,” Luke snapped.

“You’re right. It doesn’t mean that it’s written in gold. The truth is…I know that in your
heart, you know your destiny. The first time that I met you, you could have blown me
over with a feather. I knew that you would never bite the hand that rocks the cradle. I
turned a blind eye to all that I heard and was immediately willing to lead your horse into
the bowels of hell. I implore you to take the time to stop and smell the tunnel at the end
of the rainbow,” I said.

Luke stood stark still and thought in deep waters.

“I know my destiny, Lando. Let’s proceed,” he said.

I now saw the warrior that was foretold. He would lead us all into a longer future.

“You hit the nail on the dot, my friend. You will come out of this smelling like a bandit.
You can take that to the bank and smoke it. We will soon celebrate your victory and the
beer will flow like wine.” I said.

Ten minutes later, we lay unconscious on the floor of Darth’s dungeon.
                           Some of God's Thoughts


For some alien reason, I've been thinking about God lately. Well, not God, but religion.
Religion and Man.

I was raised Baptist and I went to Catholic school for 12 years (yeah, I've got the scars to
prove it). The slight differences in their approach to God's word beguiled me. I came to
feel that if God wanted something from us, it was probably a fairly simple request. You
know, be good, do good, leave the world better kinda thing. I have honestly never found a
religion that didn't hold those ideas paramount. Cool.

As I grew older, I learned a bit about Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam and others.
They all have some salient points and I understand the need to believe in their tenets. For
me, the issue arises when they are looked at closely for their inherent purpose – what
does God want from me, what do I want from Him, and how is this religion the means of
making both of us happy?

Conflict grows. Buddhism cannot be right in what they seek because my religion tells me
something that opposes their beliefs. Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, and Christianity cannot
be right for the same reasons. Religions fork. Ideas and beliefs and practices are
discordant.

The real problem is that all religions have at their base the sticky wicket of faith. Faith is
a monster that is both fierce and indestructible. Faith makes us act upon that which is
taught to us about what our God desires. Man will kill and die for the pleasure of God. By
that I mean, to please their God. And of course, we are taught that our God is The God
and all others are not only not God but somehow a mockery of ours. This will get you
battles and bloodshed until there is no one left to remember who God was. I have never
understood how any man could destroy another in the name of a God. I cannot fathom a
God who would want us to take another life for any reason. It would seem that God is
fully capable of taking that life if He wanted.

As I said in the beginning, the commonality of the variety of religions is that they all
seem to preach the do good, be good idea. If that is their common ground, how does
“God wants those guys dead” ever enter the picture? Troubling.

If you are a Christian, do you know why? It’s because you were born in a Christian
abiding place. You were either born to Christians or you were indoctrinated by the
Christians in your area. Can you imagine a child born in Afghanistan who sees the light
and wisdom of Christianity without being exposed to its teachings? If Christianity is “the
true religion,” then that would happen. Wouldn’t all Buddhists one day come to realize
that what they’ve been doing for eons is wrong because Judaism has it nailed? It’s like
when you were a kid growing up and the kid across the street or your next-door neighbor
was your best friend and you’re still friends to this day. Best possible friend for you or
the kid close to your age who lived in your vicinity?

As I grew older still, it occurred to me that regardless of who we are, where we are, our
color, or language, we all act upon what we are taught. We are taught that God wants the
good from us or the vengeance from us. Now, in most situations, when we are taught
things that are potentially harmful to ourselves or others, we look to the teachers and say
“bad job, you’re fired.” Who is teaching us about the religion that we blindly follow?
Could they be bad teachers? Do we fear the wrath of God for questioning the lesson?
Perhaps we fear the wrath of man more. After all, the wrath of God seems to come in the
form of a man blowing something up in the name of God. He always says “God wishes
this infidel dead.” Powerful stuff indeed. An organization that perpetually teaches its
ideas and can be righteously/murderously severe in its treatment of those who question
the teachings. This seems on the verge of The Black Hand to me.

I will continue to grow older and hopefully realize things that have been right before my
eyes always. The trick is to understand a few of them.

Blessings to you.
                          Gingery, My Personal Faerie


"So, what kind of being would you wish to be?' She asked.

"I have no idea. I can't think of anything better than being human," I said.

"There are so many creatures more elegant and refined than humans," she said.

"But no other creature has art or culture or technology," I said.

"Or murder or crime or war," she responded.

"Okay, I get your point. I'd still rather be a human," I said.

"Then what kind of human would suit you best?" She asked.

"What do you mean, what kind of human? I would want to be the best kind of human, I
suppose," I said.

"The best kind of human? That's easy," she said.

"Can you turn me into the best kind of human?" I asked.

"Of course, silly. Just take this pill," she said, handing me a tiny pink pill.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a shitload of progesterone," she said, then flew away.
                              Thursday, January 22, 2009
From the Field to the Big House


I've been trying to gather my thoughts since Tuesday. I have a screenplay idea that's been
teetering on becoming a real thing. I have the story's beginning, middle, and end but there
are some issues that need fleshing out. The flesh is here now and yet... Almost always,
when the muse slaps me, the typing begins. I can't stop even if I want to - usually. There
is a difference now. A Black man was given the keys to the White House and I haven't
been able to fully gather my thoughts.

Hi. I'm a Black guy. God, that feels good to say. I'm not an African American and never
have been. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being African American, if you so
choose. I'm Black because I used to be Colored. Soon after, I was a Negro. I remember
those days, but not fondly. In 1968, James Brown wrote a song called "Say It Loud - I'm
Black and I'm Proud." Honestly, I was a fringe fan of JB but the song was a hit and I was
8 years old. Even at 8 though, the song resonated deeply in me. In fact, it's the only song
that has ever changed my life. I realized then that I was Black and I was done being
anything else. If there is pride in being Black, then I have to learn to be proud. When the
whole African American thing came along, I felt like it was cool for those who wanted to
be called something new but I've already been defined. Besides, how can we have a
unique identity if we reclassify ourselves every decade? If we are "Black and proud," let's
leave it at that. I was the weird, quiet kid in my neighborhood. Too much thinkin'.

Anyway, Mr. Obama has done something so amazing that I can't find words to tell people
how I feel about what has happened. I know that America has voted for a Black man and
that this is beyond historic. Monumental isn't even a big enough word. I also know that
the fact that he is Black is not what is important here. The important thing is that America
has chosen to be great once more and move forward toward enlightening the world. What
am I talking about?! The important thing is that we voted for a Black man! No, the
important thing is that we are moving onward and upward. Are these things equally
important? Must be. So, now you see why I have had trouble in gathering my thoughts. I
so seldom have two wonderful things to choose from.

Soon, I will get back on track but right now, I'm kinda just too Red, White, and Blue to
focus on anything else.
                        Hard at Work Redesigning Man


I've been thinking about changing the make-up of the human for some time now. I'm not
talking wings and superhuman strength, I mean adapting some of the abilities of our
fellow creatures that would make us better but not much different than we already are.

Hearing - Not a supersonic change, just an adjustment. A third ear. An ear on the back of
the head so that we can hear multi-directionally. That ear would be like a bird's or
reptile's ear, a hole without an actual ear covering (keep your hair trimmed around your
hole!).

Sight - Just a bit better at distance and much better in the darkness.

Smell - Return to what man's sense of smell probably was when we first left the caves.
Pheromones mean very little these days.

Touch - Take that tickle crap away. We should be able to touch each other anywhere
without bursting out laughing.

Sleep - Four hours should be enough and it should come easily, like an on/off switch.

Teeth and Bones - Both need to be a bit harder. Teeth should grow back when lost or
broken.

Strength - Half times stronger than we are now. Muscle fiber equal parts muscle and
oxygen (that buoyancy will help us swim better).

Pain - Our pain threshold should remain as is. Our ability to lessen it with our thoughts
should be whatever each individual chooses (some of us kinda dig a little pain).

General - All tissues regenerate. Life span, 175 years. Lung capacity enhanced to three
times current ability. Vastly improved immune system. Our brains will more rapidly
begin opening up so that we have greater use of the parts that we aren't using now.

I can see that this will never end. There are a ton of other improvements that we could do
with. We could get rid of the bad breath thing and replace it with the smell of cinnamon.
                              This is Only a Test


If you dislike the gross and unpleasant, please skip this article immediately. I'm about to
tell two true tales of my most embarrassing bathroom mishaps. It's gonna get odd.
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When urination is imminent, the male of the species has a distinct advantage over the
female - external genitalia. We also have a nasty drawback when we are at full bladder
and on the way to the toilet. As we unzip or unbutton or loosen our drawstrings, our
brains tell our urethras to open wide and begin the flood. The female may have the same
desire at that time, I wouldn't know. It usually happens when we are thirty feet away from
the desired drainage site. This is where our advantageous outer genital companion comes
in handy - literally. We have the option of manually pinching the tip and circumventing
the stream until we make it all the way to the rim (that's why we don't always have time
to lift the seat). Well, about a year and a half ago, I was on that journey and I knew that I
would make a mess of the floor perhaps twenty feet ahead of plans. I pinched. My
bladder resisted. I pinched harder and tried to waddle faster. My urethra, obviously angry
over some past infraction, joined in with my bladder and threatened release. I pinched
harder still. Luckily, my hand is stronger than my internal organs. I won the battle but
they won the war. I made it to the toilet, even managed to lift the seat. When the moment
came, I released and let fly with a powerful surge of bloody urine. Oh yeah! It burned
like hell too. I managed to break a few blood vessels and fill my throne with a crimson
tide. Good times.

About four months ago, I had an engagement with my pal the potty. After a fairly
pleasant visit, I flushed and was ready to begin my boring day, when something caught
my eye after the flush. It was perhaps a half-inch long, and...swimming. The look of
wonder on my face must have been a site to behold but I didn't get a chance to see it. A
moment later, the swimmer was joined by two fellow swimmers. Kinda thick and stubby,
dark little worms were frolicking in the water. Horror hit me. I just flushed, now there are
parasites in my fresh toilet water. Where else could they have come from? Damnit! I told
my wife and she told me exactly what to do. I ignored her and pretended that it was an
acid flashback, even though I've never done acid. The following day, I checked again and
found a happy little swimmer. My head is thick but not too thick. I took my wife's advice
(plea) and called the doctor. Now, we've just switched to a new doctor and I'd only met
her once before. She is an attractive young woman. In fact, her name is Dr. Yeung.
Telling a doctor out loud that I have worms is embarrassing but, I'm an American male,
and telling a pretty young woman that I have some critters coming out of my rectum is
gonna be really difficult. Jesus, guys are idiots. I called her and she actually answered.
Damnit! I fessed up and she was ultra cool. She said, "Take a stool sample and bring it
in." "Okay. How exactly do I do that?" I asked, as if we were talking about how one goes
about setting up a tripod or something equally innocuous. "Just take a teaspoon sized
sample and put it in a ziplock bag, then put that bag in a brown paper bag and bring it in.
I'll be here until six this evening. Let the nurse know when you arrive and I'll have her
bring you in to me and we can have tests done to see what's going on." Wow! Is she cool
or what? So, I do my duty (worst pun ever?). I enter the office looking like the world's
biggest fourth grader with his bag-lunch and the nurse asks me what I'm there for. I lean
over the desk toward her so that I can whisper my shame and she gives me the evil eye.
"Do you mean, you brought in a stool sample inside that bag in your hand?" Apparently,
the doctor neglected to tell Nurse Ratched my situation. "Yeah, Dr. Yeung told me to just
bring it in." "No, no, no. You have to do it here and put it in this bottle. Just take it in that
bathroom and put the sample into the bottle." Right. Thanks a ton for speaking at a
normal volume so that everyone in the waiting room knows now what I've brought for
lunch. I take the little plastic bottle, that also has some kind of fluid in it, into the
bathroom and do the old switcheroo. Later that evening, I go into my throne room to
expel a bit of urine, only to find a couple of swimmers enjoying a leisurely skinny-dip. It
seems that our plumbing has cracked because of the roots of our bastard of a Sycamore
tree and that some worms have found their way into the pipes. This was later confirmed
by my beautiful young doctor a week or so later when she called to tell me that I indeed
did not have parasites. Good times.
                                     Lifening
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Pay close attention to the next bolt of lightning you see. In that burst of furious electrical
energy, that jagged jolt of voltage, your life can be explained.

While watching a storm and thinking about life, I discovered the connection between us
and one of nature’s most amazing phenomena. Every hot blue jag and jerk that you see is
a fork, a path that’s chosen almost whimsically. Every choice that you make is the fork
that takes you down the odd path of your life. We’re both hurtling blindly toward an end
that we don’t comprehend; yet we are unable to avoid that which we are inevitably drawn
to. Our sharpest minds tell us that the bolt is searching out that point on Earth that will
ground and diffuse it. Our highest ethical leaders tell us that we are on the path to
Forever. I believe that we are on the same path. Lightning and man are plunging forward
to a grounding. I don’t believe that lightning is gone because we no longer see it. It is
within the Earth and part of it forever, as are we. We all live on, whether in the Earth or
somehow above it.
                            Jennifer Heading Home


My wife, son, and I were watching a movie last night in the living room. It's none of your
business what it was. Okay, it was “Under the Cherry Moon”. Happy now? Anyway, my
wife had to run upstairs for a minute. As soon as she got to the top of the stairs, she yelled
down to us, "I think there's a bad accident outside." Since we hadn't heard a thing and the
movie was at a scene where cars were racing, we assumed she was hearing the movie
downstairs. She called me again and said, "hurry up and get out there! Someone's
screaming." I ran up the stairs to take off my pajama bottoms and throw on some pants.
When I got upstairs I heard a shrieking like I can't describe. Wait, yes I can - it sounded
like a woman on fire being drawn and quartered. I threw on my pants, yelled down to my
son to call 911, then ran out of the door. Three doors down, a BMW was upside down
and two other cars were in a heap in front of the smoking Beamer. I ran to the BMW and
tried to open the door. No way. The weight of the car had smashed it down so that the
openings of the windows was maybe 15 inches. I couldn't crawl in and the woman inside
couldn't crawl out. Remarkably, she seemed okay. She had been thrown into the
passenger's seat and was talking to her On-Star system. They were talking her through the
accident and calling 911. I went to the next car, which was empty. I looked all through
the car to find a victim but none were in sight. Now, several people had come out of their
homes and a crowd was gathering. An Asian woman with a cell phone to her ear came to
me and told me that it was her car and that she was okay. I tried to get her to sit on the
curb but she didn't want to. Now, the scream came again. Nice and piercing. I ran to the
third car and found a young woman pinned under her dash. She was still sitting in her
seat but the dash had been rammed into her and her legs were jammed underneath. Her
car was filled with the dust/smoke from her airbags and she was gasping and crying. The
driver's door was a mess of shrapnel. It was welded shut by the collision. I pulled the
window out and let out some of the dust. Just then, a woman came over and said that she
was a nurse. I moved to let her do her thing. I went to the passenger's side door and broke
it open. More dust emptied from the car. Glass and her personal items were everywhere.
The screaming came again. She looked toward the door where I was and stuck out her
right hand. There was that moment again. That instant when someone needed me more
than anything else in life. I sat down beside her and took her hand. She squeezed it tightly
and begged me to take her out of the car. I told her that I couldn't get her out, even though
I wanted to. I also knew that she shouldn't be moved but I didn't tell her that. I could see
that her legs were not coming out, no mater how I tried. She was afraid of the car being
on fire and said she didn't want to burn to death in the car. I told her that the smoke was
only the airbag dust and that I wouldn't leave her side. She was in tremendous pain but all
that I could do was be there and talk to her. So, I talked to her. I know so much about
Jennifer now (except her last name). It took the fire/rescue people 25 minutes to get there.
That's a long time when you're in pain and scared. By the time they got there, I knew
where Jennifer worked, that she was on her way to her parents house, that she wasn't
allergic to any medication, and that she felt really bad about being overweight. While I
was holding her head and soothing her, I also found a huge lump on the back of her head
that she didn't realize was there. She knows about it now, I'm sure. When help finally got
there, they had to use the Jaws of Life to cut her out of the car. I went to her as they put
her into the ambulance, held her hand, and said goodbye. I think she's okay. Probably just
a badly broken leg.

Two hours later, I had to leave to pick my daughter up from work. On the way, I hit a
Raccoon. Didn't kill it but it was kinda punchy after meeting my car.

So, what did you do last night? See any good movies?
                          How Does Stop Happen?


How do you stop things that are unstoppable? Can you ever end all communication with
the universe? How does one stop drives or wishes? I think God screwed up by not giving
us reset buttons or immediate sleep buttons with programmable alarms like clocks. Little
button in the left armpit that we could click and go into some kind of hypersleep in which
we don't need food and don't lose muscle tone. A hibernation dial.

How many of you would be asleep right now?
                         Who Will I Eventually Kill?


In the 70's, my father asked me to deliver a package for him to a friend who had an office
in Century City (a small non-city area in West Los Angeles). While driving around in this
unfamiliar area, looking for an address, I was kinda sorta not really paying attention and a
woman stepped off the curb and began crossing the street in front of the teenaged me. To
be fair, she was kinda sorta not paying attention too but she wasn't housed in metal like
me. So, the screeching of tires began and she froze, awaiting certain death. My last
second swerve saved her life. We just sorta stared at one another for a long
uncomfortable moment through my windshield. My heart was beating like a
Hummingbird and I assume hers was too. That woman was Dionne Warwick.

About 6 years ago, I was driving at night in the rain - looking for a parking space. I was
late for the movie that was starting soon but I was paying attention. This time it was a
guy who decided to cross the street. Dark night, rain, and he was wearing black pants,
black shirt, and a black leather coat. He thought that he was running fast enough to make
it but he was wrong. So, again the screeching happened and again my swerve saved a life.
What the hell was Ben Stiller thinking? He gave me a little nod once I came to a stop as if
to say, "Thanks for not ending my life on this dark wet street." You're welcome, buddy.
Hey, at least this time, I had car insurance.

Okay, I didn't almost kill Tom Jones but he walked in front of my car a few months ago.
No screeching involved but he did look at me through the windshield like celebrities past
and, for a split second, I must admit that I had a fleeting moment where I thought, "Hey, I
could kill Tom Jones right now." The thought passed and I watched him walk to his Rolls
Royce.
                                The Mighty Oak


I've been in a strange funk lately. Stuck in something like drying liquid latex. I'm not
terribly sad or anything, just sorta unable to move. I've even got some new happiness in
my life but I'm still not moving.

Today, I thought, maybe a walk is in order. One this voyage I came across a tree in my
neighborhood that I never really noticed before and, for the life of me, I don't know why.
This Oak is maybe the most amazing plant that I have ever seen. Not the kind of thing
that one can just walk by. This is a must-sit-beneath kinda tree. So, I sat. Before long, I
noticed that no one was within sight, so I began telling the tree my story. If you know me,
you know my stories start off sad and weird. Three stories in, the wind kicked up and
some of the branches began to make a sound like laughter. No despair here. I went to
college and I know a few things about a few things. Trees can't laugh at you, no matter
how pathetic they think you are.

I continued telling the tree my stories. I guess the wind picked up. Before long, I began to
feel a bit like a schmuck. My sorrow seemed a piddling thing with this giant tree laughing
at my heartbreaking melancholy. I decided at this point to begin telling this tree about my
joy. I mean, if I tell a laughing tree happy tales and the laughter continues, I will therefore
be happy with my reflected delights.

The laughter continued and even grew stronger. My psyche is weak. The laughter threw
me and I felt laughed "at" instead of “with”. My grief kicked in and this mocking monster
brought me to a point less than I thought possible. I got to my feet and began to trudge off
toward home...defeated and afflicted.


Yeah, that's all a crock of shit. I just thought writing something tonight might make me
feel not quite so stuck in this hell-deep mire that I'm in. It didn't work but I used up 9
minutes of time, so that's a good thing.
                  Odd Mumbo Jumbo Hoodoo at the YMCA


I had one of those days yesterday. The kind of day that had me trying to smile even
though I was scowling on the inside. Lots of sarcasm. Not sure why the mood was
strangling me or at least not willing to admit what was bothering me. I decided to go to
the Y and work out real hard, you know, burn the shittiness away. My son and I went to
the weight room and I must have been really over-doing it because he was watching me
as if I were a stranger. Even with all the lifting and pushing and pulling, the funk was like
a halo.

Before long I remembered a tried and true method of feeling better. Make someone else
feel better. I looked around the room and my eyes were immediately drawn to an Asian
woman in her mid-forties. She was a bit hippy (as in large hips), fairly dowdy, and
intently working out. I watched her peripherally. She worked without looking at anyone.
She had the withdrawn, private look of a woman without a real sense of self. She
finished, then stepped out of the workout room and went to the pool deck just outside. I
gathered my stuff and walked up to her. I stood beside her and she didn't even look at me,
she stared out at the empty pool (apparently someone had a little “accident” in the pool
and they had to shut 'er down for a few hours). Okay reader, here's where you come in -
you've got to follow my lead and do this on occasion. I said, "Excuse me, hello." She
looked at me slightly startled. She smiled and looked at the floor, then slid to the side
because she was positive that she was standing in my way. She made herself very small
and scootched (that should be a word!) against the wall so that I could pass by. "I'm
sorry," she said. "No, I just wanted to say something to you." Confusion crossed her face
but she kept her head pointed toward the floor as she looked up into my eyes. "You are
beautiful. I just wanted you to know that you're a beautiful woman." She blushed and
sighed at the same time. Her smile was more impressive than I would have thought. I was
right, she was really beautiful. I mean, I actually thought that she was an average looking
woman until she smiled. "Oh, I haven't heard that in a very long time. I don't know what
to say. Thank you." I returned her smile and walked away. You have to walk away. You
won't want to but you have to or you're just some guy hitting on her. I walked out the
door and the halo was gone. 30 seconds later, I went back and opened the door. She was
still standing there smiling. She looked at me. "I meant to say absolutely gorgeous, not
just beautiful." Her smile was so big it kept her from speaking. I walked away again.
Walk away!


Now, I'm feeling good and sitting naked in a little wooden room that's dimly lit and 170º.
A fat White guy comes in and sits down for a much needed sweat. I call him fat because
his belly was bigger than mine and if your belly is bigger than mine, you're fat. I am the
dividing line between "you need to lose some weight" and “a fat guy”. He started talking
about being out of work, which turned to Obama and his plans for lowering the
unemployment figures, which turned to national healthcare, which turned to "Excuse me,
if my Redneck comes out but it's all these fuckin' Messicans messin' things up for the rest
of us. Immigrants and affirmative action are gonna bring this country down faster than
any faggy disease. Don't get me wrong, I ain't got nothing against anybody. Hell, one of
the best times of my life was meeting Brownie McGhee and talkin' to him about his life
and what he went through, then we went together and took a piss in the same trough. Can
you imagine that? Takin' a piss next to Brownie McGhee! I'm just sayin'. Not two weeks
ago, I was sittin' right here in this sauna and Deepak Chopra was sittin' right over there.
You know what he said to me? He said, ‘Listen, you don't have to worry about working
out and trying to build muscle or lose fat. Eat what you like, my friend. Your body is
telling you what it wants to eat and how it wants to be.’ Well, buddy I gotta get outta this
heat. I've been in here too long today. You take care.”

Some might be slightly offended by his conversation but I was refreshed by it. Racism, in
fact, most isms are best right out in the open. The only thing that I focused on in that
extremely odd conversation was the idea that Deepak Chopra might have joined my gym.
What the hell? I think either there was a Chopra look-alike hanging out in West LA or
that Deepak was really here and couldn't take this guy’s bullshit, so he decided to give
him advice that would surely make his heart burst. Whatever, it made for an adventure.
                             My Thirst For Water


I wish to be the river. Not bound by my past, looking at my image in today's mirror, nor
hoping for goodness in my future. I am trying to become understanding. I am realizing
that I am all of these things - past, present, and future. With that realization I am working
toward making my consciousness appreciate and accept that truth.

I wish to be the river. The river is at the mouth, the fork, the melting snow high in the
mountains, the mist above the rapids - everywhere at the same time. It dies and becomes
the fog and the rain and snow and once again the river. It is the unending cycle that I am.
It is all things as am I.

In the words of Bruce Lee, “Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless, like water.
Now, you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it
becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow
or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Now that I know this, I must learn to live this.
                           Women are F-ing Stupid!


Sorry. I know that many of the people who read this may be women. I'm not talking
about you, I'm talking about women.

Men are your downfall. You listen to every little bird that whispers in your ears telling
you how to attract and/or keep a man. There is only one rule to finding a man - be alive.
If you are alive, there is a man out there who wants you. Our DNA tells us that we must
find women and "continue the species." We already want you. There's no need to inject
your lips with whatever today's fad says is cool (your own belly fat is the way to go!).
Why the hell do you need to paint your lips ultra red? Why do you lightly brush a reddish
schmutz on your cheeks? Why do you put exotic colors around your eyes and falsely
lengthen your lashes? Do you know why you do this? I do.

During the sex act (whatever your favorite act may be), your face, neck, and chest flush
with blood giving you a colorful blush. Your pupils dilate, making your eyes look bigger.
Somewhere along the line, you were told that having that climax look all the time would
make men attracted to you. Not a bad theory but, as with anything, too much is a bad
thing. If you look that way all the time, then the effect wears off and you end up looking
painted. Why are we still asking you to paint yourselves and why are you doing it?

In the animal kingdom, the male is usually the colorful one who must fight for, dance for,
sing for his plain looking mate. How did this flip with humans? If you were smart, you'd
be working on flipping it back. The race could use a good flip. The weak, fat, short, bald,
dumb guys might get bred out. Would that be a bad thing? Maybe.

Maybe in time, men will redevelop the ability to smell your natural pheromones and
perfume will be unnecessary. Flip it. Bleaching your hair, squeezing into a dress that
doesn't fit you, fretting over your hips and waistline, all things of the past.

Pretending that fashion turns us on is a mistake. There has never been a man on Earth
who noticed that your fingernails were peach but your toenails were mauve. If a man ever
would notice that, it wouldn't stop him from being with you. If a man ever noticed and
decided that he didn't want to be with you, you're lucky - he's not human.

Also, stop saying, "I do it because I like looking good for myself." Lie, lie, lie. Big giant,
steaming, stinking lie.
                                    11 Days


Have you ever noticed your life whipping past you in a revolving door? I seem to take a
step back and watch it sometimes. I see tomorrow coming and that whole déjà vu thing
kicks in. If I sit and watch long enough, I can see 11 days into the future.

It's gonna be weird/painful but, if I hold my breath and pray to my goddess, the next day
will come and I can breathe and be filled with hope and love again.

Know what I mean? If you do, you've got issues. Just take it from me, life is a kick
because on that twelfth day...

I'm swimming in bliss once again.
                           So, That's What Auburn Is
                                        For PLB~


I sat at a light today, waiting with windows down, breathing the filthy exhaust from the
surrounding cars. One of those all too familiar moments in life when absolutely nothing
is going on inside of my head. Blank slate. Freshly shaken Etch-a-Sketch. Peripherally, I
saw this woman about to cross in front of my car. My eyes scanned her without me
asking them to. For reasons that it alone knows, my brain went into slo-mo mode.

She was remarkably unremarkable. Even contradictory. Long and lanky with a small
paunch. I looked at her face, taking in her nose, lips, eyes, cheekbones and everything
else that comprises face. I still can't describe her. It was as if there was nothing about her
that the word ordinary didn't cover. The only thing that I recall is the slight furrow of her
brow. Tiny worry lines.

I watched her pass, carrying a small brown bag (or maybe it was a purse), wind not
exactly blowing her hair but being swept back by her stride. Now, her hair, that was
something that I can describe. It was what I assume is Auburn. Being colorblind sucks. It
was brown/red - am I right with Auburn? Good. There was no style to her hair. In fact, it
was a bit stringy and fell across her shoulders and back in incongruent lengths. It was just
kinda there, dangling to the center of her back - uncared for. I imagine that it probably
didn't even have a particular smell. Not like shampoo or chemicals or that wonderful
"woman" smell that many of you have naturally.

I watched her continue on past me, coming closer to the end of whatever journey that she
was on. Walking home to make dinner for some guy named Scott or Adam. Those worry
lines were thanks to him. They would deepen and stretch too. You see, she had made that
fatal mistake that we all make at some point in our lives - she told him once, early on,
that she would do anything to make him happy. We all know that when you tell someone
that, they will inevitably make you put your money where your mouth is. Now, she has to
do anything. She said, "I'll go through hell or high water to show you how much I love
you, Scott/Adam." He's giving her the hell part first. He'll test her backstroke later.

Her car insurance just took a jump for no reason and her brother needs to admit that he's
an alcoholic already. Worry lines. She goes to the gym four times a week and that
damned tummy is laughing at her. Worry lines. She's afraid of the news that she might
hear tomorrow when she goes in for her mammogram and what will Scott/Adam do if
something should happen to her? Worry lines. She's on the cusp of being too old for
children and, deep down, she knows that Scott/Adam would be the world's worst father.
Worry lines.

The light is still red and I can feel the limp hair falling across my shoulders. My mouth is
dry and I taste the bitter coffee breath that's built up on my tongue. These fucking shoes
pinch and I'm tired of walking. I'm going to make meatloaf tonight and Scott/Adam is
going to complain that we had meatloaf two weeks ago. I'll never have a child and I'm
getting fat regardless of what I do.

HONK!

Okay green light, I get it. Drive on. I have to go where I was going and stop being her.
The thing is...I can't stop being her. Neither can any of us. I am her. We're all her. I have
seventeen thousand things going on inside me and I can't see the rest of the glorious
planet that's rotating underfoot. I have to worry about this package of shit that I've
created. As if any of it is important. As if I can change most of it anyway. I have today
and this breath that I'm taking right now. Everything else is not really in my control and
I'd only ruin it if I could control it all. We're all ants really. We're digging in the dirt,
claiming stuff, collecting stuff, looking for more than we have, shuffling the crap from
the left to the right until we're happier with it. It's still crap. We have to learn to be happy
with happy when we find it. Happy is small and doesn't last as long as we want it to, so it
must be appreciated - no matter how small a burst of happy we get.

With a clearer mind, I can describe that woman now. She was absolutely magnificent.
She'll never see herself that way though. Too much on her mind. Too many things to do.
Too busy growing worry lines.
                                  Don't Get Me Wrong...


I love this country. I loooove this country! I would calmly and happily give my life to
protect this land.

That being said, I have always felt this weird ambivalence about celebrating the 4th of
July. I don't know the exact age that this odd feeling began, I only know that it was pretty
early in elementary school. I have a tiny problem with my people having a party for this
date that ought to be sorta looked at as the anniversary of a bad joke.

THIIS IIS THE DAY THAT WE JJUMP UP AND DOWN AND LIIGHT FIIREWORKS BECAUSE WE GAIINED
TH S S THE DAY THAT WE UMP UP AND DOWN AND L GHT F REWORKS BECAUSE WE GA NED
OUR FREEDOM FROM BR TAIN. KEY WORDS BE NG "WE" AND "FREEDOM " THAT HAD TO
OUR FREEDOM FROM BRIITAIN.KEY WORDS BEIING"WE" AND "FREEDOM.."THAT HAD TO
STR KE AT LEAST A FEW OF OUR FOUND NG FATHERS AS K NDA AWKWARD " ''M NOW FREE
STRIIKEAT LEAST A FEW OF OUR FOUNDIING FATHERS AS KIINDAAWKWARD.."IIM NOW FREE
TO KEEP SLAVES AND RUN A PLANTAT ON W THOUT TAXAT ON FROM MY OPPRESSORS "
TO KEEP SLAVES AND RUN A PLANTATIION WIITHOUTTAXATIION FROM MY OPPRESSORS.."
AMAZIING HOW THE HUMAN MIIND CAN PAIINT THE PIICTURE THAT IIT WANTS TO SEE..
AMAZ NG HOW THE HUMAN M ND CAN PA NT THE P CTURE THAT T WANTS TO SEE

NOW,,REREAD THE FIIRST SENTENCE AND ENJJOY THE HELL OUT OF WHERE WE'VE COME
NOW REREAD THE F RST SENTENCE AND EN OY THE HELL OUT OF WHERE WE'VE COME
FROM AND WHERE WE WANT TO GO..
FROM AND WHERE WE WANT TO GO

PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL..
PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL
                               SOUL SUCKERS
                               SOUL SUCKERS


ON A COOL MONDAY MORNIING IIN BEVERLY HIILLS,,IISAT WIITH A CAFFÈ AMERIICANO
 ON A COOL MONDAY MORN NG N BEVERLY H LLS SAT W TH A CAFFÈ AMER CANO
ENERGY+CIINNAMON DOLCE LATTE TOPPED WIITH LIIGHT WHIIPPIING CREAM.. THE DEW WAS
 ENERGY+C NNAMON DOLCE LATTE TOPPED W TH L GHT WH PP NG CREAM THE DEW WAS
JJUSTBURNIINGOFF THE LEAVES OF THE PLASTIICCHRYSANTHEMUM NEAR THE OUTDOOR
 UST BURN NG OFF THE LEAVES OF THE PLAST C CHRYSANTHEMUM NEAR THE OUTDOOR
WIIFIITABLE WIITH THE BEST RECEPTIION IIN THE WHOLE JJOIINT.. IIWAS TAKIING IIN THE BEAUTY
 W F TABLE W TH THE BEST RECEPT ON N THE WHOLE O NT WAS TAK NG N THE BEAUTY
OF THE MORNIINGAND HOPIING TO FIINDSOMETHIING IINTERESTING FOR MY EYES TO LAND ON..
 OF THE MORN NG AND HOP NG TO F ND SOMETH NG NTERESTING FOR MY EYES TO LAND ON
LO AND BEHOLD,,IIFOUND MY FOCAL POIINT..A MAN,,WHO COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE
 LO AND BEHOLD FOUND MY FOCAL PO NT A MAN WHO COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE
THAN 55,,WAS GIIVINGHIIS DOG A LESSON IINBEIING OUT AND ABOUT WIITHPANACHE..
 THAN 55 WAS G VING H S DOG A LESSON N BE NG OUT AND ABOUT W TH PANACHE

IICALLED HIIM A MAN A SECOND AGO,,FORGIIVE ME.. THIIS BEIING WAS A MONUMENT TO THE
  CALLED H M A MAN A SECOND AGO FORG VE ME TH S BE NG WAS A MONUMENT TO THE
 MALE OF THE SPEC ES. TALL TANNED PERHAPS TOO TAN – A B T BEYOND BRONZE ,
MALE OF THE SPECIIES.TALL,, TANNED ((PERHAPS TOO TAN – A BIITBEYOND BRONZE)),
ROBUST,, WELL DRESSED,,AND A SHOCK OF OCHRE HAIIR THAT WAS MOST LIIKELY THE MODEL
 ROBUST WELL DRESSED AND A SHOCK OF OCHRE HA R THAT WAS MOST L KELY THE MODEL
 FOR THE WORLD'S MOST AGREEABLE TOUPEE ALL THAT THE WORD "V GOR" MPLIES.
FOR THE WORLD'S MOST AGREEABLE TOUPEE..ALL THAT THE WORD "VIIGOR"IIMPLIES.

IICALLED HIIS PET A DOG NIINE SECONDS AGO,,AGAIIN IIMUST APOLOGIIZE..THIIS CANIINE WAS,,
  CALLED H S PET A DOG N NE SECONDS AGO AGA N MUST APOLOG ZE TH S CAN NE WAS
 WELL ADORABLE BUT CUTER THAN THAT WORD MPLES). THE K ND OF AN MAL THAT
WELL....ADORABLE((BUTCUTER THAN THAT WORD IIMPLES).THE KIINDOF ANIIMALTHAT
WOULD MAKE AN OLD BROAD LIIKE LEONA HELMSLEY LEAVE HER FORTUNE TO IITS
 WOULD MAKE AN OLD BROAD L KE LEONA HELMSLEY LEAVE HER FORTUNE TO TS
 PERPETUAL UPKEEP AND HAPP NESS.
PERPETUAL UPKEEP AND HAPPIINESS.

THE GENTLEMAN AND THE DELIIGHTFUL BALL OF FLUFF,,WALKED SLOWLY AND
THE GENTLEMAN AND THE DEL GHTFUL BALL OF FLUFF WALKED SLOWLY AND
CAREFULLY,,ALLOWIING THEIIRRESPLENDENCE TO BE CAPTURED FROM ALL ANGLES.. IIHAVE
CAREFULLY ALLOW NG THE R RESPLENDENCE TO BE CAPTURED FROM ALL ANGLES HAVE
YET TO APPEAR THAT S GNIFICANT, SO HAVE SOMETH NG TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE
YET TO APPEAR THAT SIIGNIFICANT,SO IIHAVE SOMETHIING TO LOOK FORWARD TO..THE
THOUGHT THAT MY DAY OF BEIING THAT GUY WOULD COME,, WARMED ME EIIGHTEEN TIIMES
THOUGHT THAT MY DAY OF BE NG THAT GUY WOULD COME WARMED ME E GHTEEN T MES
AS MUCH AS THE CUP OF PRETENT OUS SH T THAT WAS DR NKING. MY NITIAL THOUGHT
AS MUCH AS THE CUP OF PRETENTIIOUSSHIIT THAT IIWAS DRIINKING.MY IINITIALTHOUGHT
WAS "YOU GO BOY " MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS "WHY DEAR LORD D D UST TH NK THE
WAS,, "YOU GO,,BOY!!"MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS,, "WHY,,DEAR LORD,,DIID IIJJUSTTHIINKTHE
MOST NANE, GENDER QUEST ONING THOUGHT EVER CONCE VED BY A HUMAN N THE
MOST IINANE,GENDER QUESTIIONING THOUGHT EVER CONCEIIVEDBY A HUMAN IIN THE
ENTIIREHIISTORYOF THIIS PLANET?"
ENT RE H STORY OF TH S PLANET?"

THOSE THOUGHTS QUIICKLY DIIED WHEN MY PERIIPHERAL VIISIION CAUGHT THE RAPACIIOUS
THOSE THOUGHTS QU CKLY D ED WHEN MY PER PHERAL V S ON CAUGHT THE RAPAC OUS
MARCH OF THE CONQUER NG HORDE FOUR M D-TEEN AGED G RLS WERE ON THE R
MARCH OF THE CONQUERIINGHORDE..FOUR,,MIID-TEENAGED GIIRLSWERE ON THEIIR
OBLIIVIOUSMIISSIONOF DOOM..THIIS WASN'T JJUSTA SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG
OBL VIOUS M SSION OF DOOM TH S WASN'T UST A SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG
G RLS, THESE WERE PRETTY YOUNG G RLS N BEVERLY H LLS. THE ONLY TH NG MORE
GIIRLS, THESE WERE PRETTY YOUNG GIIRLS IINBEVERLY HIILLS.THE ONLY THIINGMORE
DESTRUCTIIVE THAN A SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG GIIRLS IIN BEVERLY HIILLS IISA
DESTRUCT VE THAN A SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG G RLS N BEVERLY H LLS S A
SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG G RLS N BEVERLY H LLS WHO KNOW T. THE V RILE ON
SMALL GAGGLE OF PRETTY YOUNG GIIRLS IINBEVERLY HIILLSWHO KNOW IIT.THE VIIRILEON
COURSE W TH THE V RAL. HE NEVER HAD A CHANCE
COURSE WIITH THE VIIRAL. HE NEVER HAD A CHANCE..


As the ignorant cluster of ingénues neared the dumbstruck duo, I could see what appeared
(from a distance) to be waves - not unlike heat waves on a hot horizon - surrounding the
lasses. Not until some time later, did I understand that to be the volume of oxygen around
them expanding and thus contracting from elsewhere. Said elsewhere was the protective
bubble of oxygen that the man and the puffball inhabited.

The girls seemed to coalesce as they neared the man and animal. The girls never once
glanced away from one another. Their chatter never dipped and the universe followed
them, as it does.

Ten feet from contact, the girls' ambience broke the protective bubble and began to suck
the vitality from the man. I swear, I saw his hair and tan tremble and fade. He fought with
all that he had within. He smiled at them with a smile that demanded their attention.
Fruitless. His skin only became paler and his hair grayed and fell from his head en masse.

Five feet from contact, he aged twenty years and shrank three inches. His chest
constricted from lack of oxygen and he became simply a man walking a dog. The female
cluster remained indifferent, which hastened the effects on the man. Their self-absorbed,
self-important, self-imposed sense of entitlement ground the man into submission. He
gasped for air and stared at them with wilting eyes.

Contact! To the band of beings, there never was a man and a dog. "There is only where
we're going, what we're saying, what we're doing, what we've done, and who we are."
The Sun revolves around these precepts.

Meanwhile, a sturdy man out on a lively walk was reduced to a memory of what hearty
men once were. His pet, however, was unchanged. Still cute and cuddly and
unconcerned. The dog continued to accept his master without, apparently, noticing the
changes that the man and I had gone through. In time, he may regain his composure and
become manly and full of vim again. He's got to learn to cross to the other side of the
street sometimes though.

I've got to stop going to Beverly Hills and attempting to enjoy a greatly overpriced cup
of...stuff.
                                Spell Caster
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SaJTLoi1GrI/AAAAAAAAAuA/MN1WmO
R0Pww/s1600-h/Cloud-Nine-SideL.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/SaJTLoi1GrI/AAAAAAAAAuA/MN1WmO
R0Pww/s1600-h/Cloud-Nine-SideL.jpg
She whispered in my ear, "Tell me a secret."

I turned quickly but no one was there. Weird. Weird even for me. I continued walking
down the dark street. The howling wind must have been what sounded so clearly like a
woman.

"Close your eyes," the whisper came.

I began walking faster. I had to get off this unfamiliar street and find myself. I was
obviously beginning a hallucination that I was unprepared for and I felt the need to be in
a world I recognized.

"Close your eyes and you will see me," she said.

The fear was welling in me to a degree that I had never felt before. I began to jog toward
a distant light. The jog soon became an all out sprint. I could still hear her faint laughter,
even though I was panting heavily and out of breath. My heart fell as my lungs burned
and my mind realized that the light was unreachable. That light had been the Moon and
the chances of me ever getting there were extremely slim. I fell to my knees to catch my
breath. I closed my eyes, on the verge of collapse.

She lay on the grass before me. Sunlight glowing on her curvaceous, dewy, nude body.
She laughed at me and kicked a shapely leg into the air.

"If you open your eyes I'll go away. If you want to stay here with me, you have to keep
your eyes closed," she said without looking at me.

"Who are you? Where am I and how did I get here?"

"Questions. Men never tire of questions. If the day comes when all of your questions are
answered, then you will have nothing left to live for," she said. She turned to me now.
Her smile was beguiling.

"I have to know who you are."

"If I told you that my name is Jaslim, would that make you happy?" She asked.

"Where am I?"

"Serbia," she answered.
"How did I get here?"

"You closed your eyes. Would you like to stay here with me?" She asked.

"Yes. I mean, maybe. How do I...is this real?"

"Do you feel the sunlight on your face? Can you smell the breeze? Do you see me before
you? What is real and is real really what you want? If you doubt this reality, then open
your eyes," she said softly.

I awoke in bed. I have so many new questions to ask her. Serbia's a long way to go to
find what's real.

Maybe when I close my eyes tonight...
                   Our Culture Must Hurt Them to the Core


On the cusp of the second decade of the twenty-first century, the Afghan Taliban treated
the world to a display of Islamic (Sharia) law. They proudly sentenced two human beings
to be publicly stoned to death by a mob of two hundred men who were only too happy to
do so; a mob that included the relatives of both victims as well as bystanders galore.

The couple’s crime was that of loving each other and wanting to marry. However, the
woman refused to marry the relative to whom she had already been promised. Thus, they
had both rebelled against cultural, tribal, and religious expectations.

The couple, 25-year-old Khayyam and 19-year-old Siddiqa ran away. Both were lured
back home by relatives who promised them that permission would be granted for them to
marry. It was a ruse. Once back, they were subjected to Afghan Islamic justice,
Taliban-style and were stoned to death. Siddiqa was forced to wear her burqa to her
execution.

This must be understood as a cultural honor killing, similar to the Afghan Taliban
punishments of women who have fled dangerously abusive and child marriages. The
Taliban cuts off their noses and ears—merciful by their standards compared to stoning.

Covering women from head to toe is the manifestation of a fear not of women but of
what beauty/natural attraction does to these men. They fear themselves. Their desire
factor. It must be hard to live with the fear that viewing human beauty will drive you to
madness.

If you follow the logic, there should be no rape in the hardline Islamic world. Also,
women would seemingly be revered. If they are so completely covered by burqas, it
follows that they are special. If not special, then why is their Heaven filled with virgin
women? That sounds like the treat at the end of a well-lived life to me.

Our obsession with beautiful people of both sexes flies in the face of everything that they
believe. If you lived in a culture where the female form was completely concealed,
wouldn't you just hate a society that flaunted its bikini-clad nubile women?

Yet, they love us too. They must wish to be us but religious law dictates otherwise. They
watch our movies and listen to our music and eat our food. That push and pull must be
friggin' maddening.

Ronald McDonald’s statue stands at the entrance of many McDonald’s restaurants in
these countries with his hands folded, as if in prayer or supplication.

"I hate everything you stand for but Big Mac's are damned delicious."
Gotta be literally hard to swallow.
                              Araignée Gigantes!


My living room. Last night. Biggest spider in the known universe, sitting by my fireplace
contemplating a new world order.

This thing was huge. Did I say huge? Well, it was bigger than that.
I don't think the word spider applies to this creature.
I don't think this was an actual terrestrial being.
It was big enough to drive a school bus but at least three legs would be dragging behind.
I believe Satan would fear this thing.
After looking at it, if you avert your eyes, you can still see it.
Each of its eight legs had three more legs.
Four of these things on our side and that whole ugly mess in Iraq/Afghanistan would be
over.
I'm sure it probably usually feeds primarily on horses and bears.

In a fit of courage (does courage come in fits?), I ran over and stomped it. It grabbed me
by the leg and flipped me. My catlike reflexes kicked in and I pirouetted midair and went
back on the attack. Everything became a blur at that point. When I awoke, the thing was
dead and my house was in ruins.

Of course, even I don't believe everything that happened in this tale. I mean, the creature
was dead. No human - yes, including me - could possibly have killed that monster.
Batman or Ironman or one of those "man" guys must have had a hand in it.
                                Ambienworld


What the hell?

I went from one Ambien to one half and my subconscious is talking. I haven't done or
said anything damning (that I know of) but I am a talker when I black out on Ambien.

I (apparently) posted this on my Facebook page yesterday.

“Muslim extremists. Grande latte. Paris Hilton. Oprah's stamp of approval. Caligula.
Donald Trump. Sean "Puffdaddy" Combs. The homeless junkie that asked you for money
recently. Pope Benedict. Dubai. The cancer riddled old lady who will die tonight in a
hospital bed. The conflict in Sudan.

We focus on and celebrate the extreme instances of humanity but we rarely take a stand
for or against them. As a group, maybe something visible gets semi-accomplished. We all
take some unknown and uncredited credit for it because "America" stepped in somewhere
and made it "appear" like something positive happened on our behalf. As a person, you
have no idea what deal was made or what devil WE shook hands with. You agree with
whatever CNN decides to tell you.

How involved have you ever been in knowing what's going on out there and making a
difference? A real difference. Not a tax-deductible donation to an organization that has a
name that sounds as though it can make something happen?

Get your hands dirty or shut the hell up! You're just saying, "I wish/hope things get better
over there in that country that I'll never even visit." Lip service. Our generation will be
famous for looking directly at changing the world through a two-way mirror. We can
easily identify our problems but we dare not look them directly in the eye. That might
take effort and responsibility.

Joan Baez and John Lennon and almost everyone their age told us that we could change
the world but it might take one person at a time making a difference. They weren't full of
shit, you just didn't listen and believe in them

So, what makes me think you might believe it when I say it?”

Wow! It seems that I have a lot on my mind when I have no control over my thoughts.
                                Village Woman


In Los Angeles, there is a faux village surrounding UCLA called Westwood. Just several
square blocks of stores designed to draw in tourists but surviving on the cash of the
favored college crowd. I drive through the area often – at least 5 days a week. Short cut
home kinda thing. Well, for many years now I’ve seen a woman who sits and reads on
the grass just outside of UCLA Hospital. She is a homeless woman but you would not
know it by passing her only once, even if you looked very carefully.

I cannot pass by her corner without looking intently at her. Clean. Well kept. Youngish.
Minimal. Often smiling and gazing upward. On several occasions, I have driven by to see
her with her sweater hood down and her flowing hair, freshly brushed and beautiful.
There is definitely something striking about this woman. I wouldn’t call her beautiful but
I dare you to see her standing there in her glory and try to look away. Just damned
intriguing.

No “Will Whatever for Food” or “Please Help” sign. She sits and she reads a newspaper
or a novel. There 90% of the time. She has two small rolling luggage cases beside her at
all times. She sleeps exactly where she sits during the day. She sits when she sleeps. I
have never seen anyone talk to her or give her money and her hand is never out when
someone walks by. I have never seen her in the village proper, though I assume she goes
there.

Each day when I drive past, I stare and tell my son that I am drawn to this woman and
one day I will stop and talk to her. He thinks, no he knows, I’m crazy and that it’s all talk.
He’s wrong. I can’t live my entire life without making some kind of contact with this
woman and I don’t know why. I’m not curios about who she is or how she came to be
where she is. I want to know more than that. Those things are cosmetic and vapid. I don’t
want to ask her 19 questions and hear her answers, I would like to sit and talk to her.
Again, I don’t know why. Human connection thing in me, I guess.

Well, the idiot did it yesterday. I parked and dropped a quarter into the parking meter and
approached her as she serenely did a crossword puzzle. With each step, my brain
wondered, “What the hell are you doing and how do you start this conversation, you
fool?” I did it like any other awkward conversation that I’ve ever started, “Hi, my name is
Brian, can I talk to you for a few minutes?” She looked up at me with brilliant, piercing,
blue/green eyes (I say blue/green because I’m colorblind and I only know that her eyes
weren’t brown) almost sweetly and said, “What are you going to give me? What will you
do for me?” Not ready for that one. My shitty side immediately thought, “What do I owe
you?” Not cool. Not why I’m here. Regroup.

The conversation was halted at every turn with a sly smile and a sarcastic/bitter “What’s
in this for me?” She thwarted my every attempt to reach out as a human and make contact
with a fellow human and maybe get to know someone – no matter how briefly. I didn’t
want a lifetime commitment either. I think that I wanted to say hello, maybe honk and
wave when I pass by. Hell, I have had thoughts of bringing her food from time to time
and books and maybe stopping by and taking her for coffee or lunch on the odd
opportunity that I had a few minutes and a few extra bucks to spend on a “friend.” I pass
her very often on my way to the YMCA. I could easily pick her up and take her with me
where she could take a shower and have a swim in a nice big beautiful pool. Hang out in
the women’s locker room for an hour or so, watching TV or whatever. Maybe stop for a
burger on the way back. Human contact kinda thing.

I finally gave up and walked back to my car. Hell, I left feeling like she owed me a
quarter for my meter time. Complete disillusionment. I sat in my car, opened my sunroof
and looked up at the sky. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen clouds configured more
beautifully. I sat in my luxury SUV on my way to spend money on things and money on
gas while on my way to get those things. Things that I could definitely live without. I
thought about my last blog post and my privileged life. In a way, she is richer than I am. I
have a nice home filled with a lot of shit, she has everything else. Those clouds are her
ceiling. The world outside of the walls of my house belong to her. Those were my
thoughts. Naive and contrived. I was trying to make this all make sense and fit into my
mind my way. Bullshit.

I tell myself that she’s got this quiet dignity because I’ve never seen her beg. I’ve never
seen her sneeze either but I’m willing to bet that she does. I have put my imagination at
work on her and told myself that she’s somehow above or better than the ragged
homeless lunatic who digs through the garbage and mumbles obscenities to passing
women. What the hell do I know? I haven’t walked in her shoes. I have no idea what her
perspective is. Perhaps she came to this place on Earth because some horrendous, evil
shit happened. So, this tall Black guy comes walking up out of the blue with a smile and a
bunch of stupid fucking questions. Maybe she’s right, what is in that for her? I just got
out of a Land Rover, her issues are probably a little more immediate than mine.

I felt that way for a while but my day was still a little off. I want more. I want more for
her. “What are you going to give me?” I’d like to give you more than your heart desires. I
can’t though. We’re all confined by our lives and none of us can ever have enough. Still,
I would like to give her something. Even if it were something trite. I would even be
satisfied writing a real story about her – whatever she wants her real story to be – and
take a few pix and try to force the LA Times to publish her story. Maybe she wouldn’t
get the monetary benefit that she seeks but who knows what she might gain by talking to
me and making that human contact thing? Then again, when I said to her that I’d like to
talk to her for a few minutes and write a story about her, her reply was, “So, that’s what
you want to do for you, what do you want to do for me?”

MAYBE SHE’’S RIIGHT..THE HUMAN CONTACT THIING DOESN’’T PAY WELL..
MAYBE SHE S R GHT THE HUMAN CONTACT TH NG DOESN T PAY WELL
                             9--11 IISN'T EVEN A REAL DATE!!
                             9 11 S N'T EVEN A REAL DATE


OKAY,,IIHAVE TO SAY SOMETHIING --EVEN IIF IIT''S THE WRONG THIING ((LOT OF THAT GOIING
OKAY HAVE TO SAY SOMETH NG EVEN F T S THE WRONG TH NG LOT OF THAT GO NG
ON LATELY .
ON LATELY)).

II'VE BEEN HEARIING A LOT OF 9--11 HOAX TALK LATELY.. II'M NOT HERE TO COMMENT ABOUT
   'VE BEEN HEAR NG A LOT OF 9 11 HOAX TALK LATELY 'M NOT HERE TO COMMENT ABOUT
 WHETHER OR NOT T WAS "US" OR "THEM" WHO MADE THE TOWERS FALL THE 2 985 WHO
WHETHER OR NOT IITWAS "US" OR "THEM" WHO MADE THE TOWERS FALL..THE 2,,985WHO
D ED THAT DAY PROBABLY CARE LESS ABOUT WHO D D T THAN THE FACT THAT THE R
DIIED THAT DAY PROBABLY CARE LESS ABOUT WHO DIID IITTHAN THE FACT THAT THEIIR
LIIVES WERE TAKEN.. IIDOUBT THAT THEY WERE CONSIIDERINGA CONSPIIRACYAS THEY
L VES WERE TAKEN DOUBT THAT THEY WERE CONS DERING A CONSP RACY AS THEY
BURNED,,EXPLODED,,CHOKED,,AND FELT THE AGONIIZINGPAIINOF BEIINGCRUSHED TO
BURNED EXPLODED CHOKED AND FELT THE AGON ZING PA N OF BE NG CRUSHED TO
DEATH DON'T TH NK THE F REMEN, ON THE R WAY TO THE TOWERS WERE PONDER NG
DEATH.. IIDON'T THIINKTHE FIIREMEN,ON THEIIRWAY TO THE TOWERS,,WERE PONDERIING
WHETHER OR NOT OUR GOVERNMENT PLANNED TH S AND GOT THE MA OR NEWS NETWORKS
WHETHER OR NOT OUR GOVERNMENT PLANNED THIISAND GOT THE MAJJORNEWS NETWORKS
TO HELP THEM PULL OFF THIISMASTER STROKE..
TO HELP THEM PULL OFF TH S MASTER STROKE

IIS IIT POSSIIBLE THAT OUR BELOVED GOVERNMENT OR "THE CHOSEN ONES BEHIIND THE
  S T POSS BLE THAT OUR BELOVED GOVERNMENT OR "THE CHOSEN ONES BEH ND THE
 CURTA N" HAD A S GNIFICANT HAND N TH S ATROC TY? WELL WE HAVE HAD A HAND N
CURTAIIN"HAD A SIIGNIFICANTHAND IIN THIISATROCIITY? WELL,,WE HAVE HAD A HAND IIN
SOME VIIOLENTLYUGLY SHIITBEFORE,,NO DOUBT.. IIDON'T KNOW..HOW COULD IIPOSSIIBLY
 SOME V OLENTLY UGLY SH T BEFORE NO DOUBT DON'T KNOW HOW COULD POSS BLY
KNOW? THE US GOV IIS THE DEVIIL IIKNOW.. IIWIILLBUY THE STORY THAT THEY TELL ME
 KNOW? THE US GOV S THE DEV L KNOW W LL BUY THE STORY THAT THEY TELL ME
BECAUSE IITALLOWS ME TO CONTIINUEWALKIING THIISPLANET.. IICOULD CHECK OUT
 BECAUSE T ALLOWS ME TO CONT NUE WALK NG TH S PLANET COULD CHECK OUT
WEBSIITES THAT PUBLIISH"THE TRUTH" BUT THAT'S THE DEVIIL THAT IIDON'T KNOW..
 WEBS TES THAT PUBL SH "THE TRUTH" BUT THAT'S THE DEV L THAT DON'T KNOW
BESIIDES,,ANYTHIING THAT ANYONE TELLS ME OR THAT IIREAD IIS A STORY TOO,,IISN'T IIT?
 BES DES ANYTH NG THAT ANYONE TELLS ME OR THAT READ S A STORY TOO SN'T T?
WIITHOUT PERSONAL AND DIIRECT IINVOLVEMENT,,HOW COULD ANY OF US KNOW ANYTHIING
 W THOUT PERSONAL AND D RECT NVOLVEMENT HOW COULD ANY OF US KNOW ANYTH NG
 THAT WE AREN'T NVOLVED N? DOES THE GOVERNMENT L E TO US? EVERY S NGLE T ME
THAT WE AREN'T IINVOLVED IIN? DOES THE GOVERNMENT LIIE TO US? EVERY SIINGLE TIIME
 THE SUN R SES. THANK GOODNESS THAT WE CAN ALL CHOOSE TO BEL EVE THE B TS AND
THE SUN RIISES.THANK GOODNESS THAT WE CAN ALL CHOOSE TO BELIIEVE THE BIITSAND
PIIECES THAT WE WANT.. IIFYOU POUNDED THE PAVEMENT UNTIILYOU GOT "THE TRUTH" IIN
 P ECES THAT WE WANT F YOU POUNDED THE PAVEMENT UNT L YOU GOT "THE TRUTH" N
THIISMATTER AND FOUND THAT WE DIID THIIS IINORDER TO LAUNCH A WAR AGAIINSTOUR
 TH S MATTER AND FOUND THAT WE D D TH S N ORDER TO LAUNCH A WAR AGA NST OUR
"ENEMIIES,," HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? WOULDN'T IIT MAKE THE WORLD APPRECIIATE US
 "ENEM ES " HOW WOULD YOU FEEL? WOULDN'T T MAKE THE WORLD APPREC ATE US
 MORE? EVEN F YOU D D NOT VOTE FOR THOSE RESPONS BLE, D D THEY NOT GROW FROM
MORE? EVEN IIFYOU DIIDNOT VOTE FOR THOSE RESPONSIIBLE,DIID THEY NOT GROW FROM
 OUR CULTURE? AREN'T THEY PRODUCTS OF OUR SOC ETY? WE PRODUCED THEM AND WE
OUR CULTURE? AREN'T THEY PRODUCTS OF OUR SOCIIETY? WE PRODUCED THEM AND WE
PRODUCED YOU..YOU ARE THEM AND THEY ARE US..
 PRODUCED YOU YOU ARE THEM AND THEY ARE US
 http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/TPgDlzY7ppI/AAAAAAAABQg/xpmelk2F
 R5I/s1600/29289220Ornedo_Ruben_RS.jpg
 http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_aFxM4BmmZ28/TPgDlzY7ppI/AAAAAAAABQg/xpmelk2F
 R5I/s1600/29289220Ornedo_Ruben_RS.jpg
IIAM OKAY WIITH THE STORY OF THE DEVIIL IIKNOW.. IIT HELPS ME PEACEFULLY REMEMBER
   AM OKAY W TH THE STORY OF THE DEV L KNOW T HELPS ME PEACEFULLY REMEMBER
MY FRIIENDRUBEN ORNEDO,,WHO HAD THE MIISFORTUNEOF BEIINGON A BUSIINESS TRIIP
 MY FR END RUBEN ORNEDO WHO HAD THE M SFORTUNE OF BE NG ON A BUS NESS TR P
THAT ENDED WHEN HIISPLANE CRASHED IINTO THE PENTAGON,,WHIILEHIISPREGNANT NEW
 THAT ENDED WHEN H S PLANE CRASHED NTO THE PENTAGON WH LE H S PREGNANT NEW
 BR DE WA TED AT HOME FOR H M.
BRIIDEWAIITEDAT HOME FOR HIIM.

OKAY,,YOU WANT THE TRUTH? THIINK YOU CAN HANDLE IIT? IIHAVE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT
OKAY YOU WANT THE TRUTH? TH NK YOU CAN HANDLE T? HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT
REALLY HAPPENED BUT D DN''T TH NK THE WORLD WAS READY YOU ASKED FOR T, NOW
REALLY HAPPENED BUT IIDIIDNT THIINKTHE WORLD WAS READY..YOU ASKED FOR IIT,NOW
YOU'VE GOT T!
YOU'VE GOT IIT!

ROD SERLIING FAKED HIIS DEATH AND HE AND LEIIF GARRET ARE THE SEMII--MASTERMIINDS
ROD SERL NG FAKED H S DEATH AND HE AND LE F GARRET ARE THE SEM MASTERM NDS
 BEH ND 9 11. ROD LE F AND OTHER CELEBR TY LUM NARIES I'M ST LL NVESTIGATING
BEHIIND9--11.ROD,, LEIIFAND OTHER CELEBRIITY LUMIINARIES((I'MSTIILL IINVESTIGATING
WHO THE OTHER CONSPIIRATORSMIIGHTBE))STAGED THE WHOLE THIINGBECAUSE THEY
 WHO THE OTHER CONSP RATORS M GHT BE STAGED THE WHOLE TH NG BECAUSE THEY
WERE CONTACTED BY THE KELLOGG COMPANY AND TOLD TO CREATE A DIIVERSIONAND A
 WERE CONTACTED BY THE KELLOGG COMPANY AND TOLD TO CREATE A D VERSION AND A
WAR WHIILE KELLOGG SECRETLY SNEAKS HIIGH LEVELS OF ZIINCAND SODIIUMBENZOATE
 WAR WH LE KELLOGG SECRETLY SNEAKS H GH LEVELS OF Z NC AND SOD UM BENZOATE
 NTO CORN FLAKES AND R CE KR SPIES.
IINTOCORN FLAKES AND RIICEKRIISPIES.

NOW THAT YOU KNOW,,BEWARE OF YOUR BREAKFAST..
NOW THAT YOU KNOW BEWARE OF YOUR BREAKFAST
                        PURSUIIT OF THE MALADIIES
                        PURSU T OF THE MALAD ES


AT THE GYM RECENTLY,,IIWENT TO MY LOCKER AFTER A NIICE LONG JACUZZII..FELT LIIKE A
AT THE GYM RECENTLY WENT TO MY LOCKER AFTER A N CE LONG JACUZZ FELT L KE A
HUNDRED AND FORTY--SEVENBUCKS..WARM,,RELAXED,,ON TOP OF THE WORLD..WHEN II
HUNDRED AND FORTY SEVEN BUCKS WARM RELAXED ON TOP OF THE WORLD WHEN
GOT TO MY LOCKER,, IISAW THAT IIT WAS SURROUNDED BY THREE OLDER GENTLEMEN..
GOT TO MY LOCKER SAW THAT T WAS SURROUNDED BY THREE OLDER GENTLEMEN
COIINCIIDENTALLY,, THEY HAD RETURNED TO THEIIR LOCKERS SIIMULTANEOUSLY AND THE
CO NC DENTALLY THEY HAD RETURNED TO THE R LOCKERS S MULTANEOUSLY AND THE
GYM GODS PLACED THE R LOCKERS AT ODD AND UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE ANGLES TO ME
GYM GODS PLACED THEIIRLOCKERS AT ODD AND UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE ANGLES TO ME
AND M NE. THEY WERE AT VAR OUS DEGREES OF UNDRESS OR DRESS
AND MIINE.THEY WERE AT VARIIOUSDEGREES OF UNDRESS OR DRESS -- IICOULDN''TREALLY
                                                                COULDNT REALLY
TELL WHAT WAS GOIINGON..ALL THREE WERE NORTH OF SEVENTY AND SEEMED NOT TO
TELL WHAT WAS GO NG ON ALL THREE WERE NORTH OF SEVENTY AND SEEMED NOT TO
NOTIICEONE ANOTHER OR ME..
NOT CE ONE ANOTHER OR ME

WHAT THE HELL,,IISQUEEZED IIN THERE SOMEWHERE AND BEGAN DRESSIING.. IIWAS ONE LEG
WHAT THE HELL SQUEEZED N THERE SOMEWHERE AND BEGAN DRESS NG WAS ONE LEG
 NTO MY UNDERWEAR WHEN THE MAN TO MY LEFT SEEMED TO DROP EVERY ST TCH OF H S
IINTOMY UNDERWEAR WHEN THE MAN TO MY LEFT SEEMED TO DROP EVERY STIITCHOF HIIS
 CLOTH NG ALL AT ONCE HE WAS UNBUTTON NG H S SH RT ONE M NUTE, THE NEXT HE WAS
CLOTHIINGALL AT ONCE.. HE WAS UNBUTTONIINGHIISSHIIRTONE MIINUTE, THE NEXT HE WAS
 STARK NAKED ''M NOT SURE ABOUT THE EX STENCE OF GOD BUT DO KNOW THAT GOD
STARK NAKED.. IIM NOT SURE ABOUT THE EXIISTENCEOF GOD BUT IIDO KNOW THAT GOD
 D DN'T MAKE TH S GUY N H S CURRENT FORM FROM H S WA ST TO H S TOES HE WAS
DIIDN'TMAKE THIISGUY IIN HIISCURRENT FORM..FROM HIISWAIISTTO HIIS TOES,,HE WAS
 PA NFULLY TH N. TH S WA ST-DOWN-MAN APPEARED N D RE NEED OF A COMBO PLATE OF
PAIINFULLY THIIN.THIIS WAIIST-DOWN-MANAPPEARED IINDIIRENEED OF A COMBO PLATE OF
SOMETHIING FATTENIING WIITHA DOUBLE DESSERT THROWN IIN FOR GOOD MEASURE..
 SOMETH NG FATTEN NG W TH A DOUBLE DESSERT THROWN N FOR GOOD MEASURE

FROM HIIS WAIIST TO HIIS CHEST AN ANOMALY OF BIIBLIICAL PROPORTIIONS WAS GOIING ON..IIT
 FROM H S WA ST TO H S CHEST AN ANOMALY OF B BL CAL PROPORT ONS WAS GO NG ON T
 S MY BEL EF THAT HE WAS SMUGGL NG THREE WATERMELONS AND S XTY-FIVE POUNDS OF
IIS MY BELIIEFTHAT HE WAS SMUGGLIING THREE WATERMELONS AND SIIXTY-FIVEPOUNDS OF
 R CE N H S M D-BODY CAV TY. H S STOMACH WASN'T D STENDED BECAUSE D STENDED S A
RIICE IINHIISMIID-BODYCAVIITY.HIISSTOMACH WASN'T DIISTENDEDBECAUSE DIISTENDED IISA
9 LETTER WORD AND THAT DOESN'T COVER WHAT WAS GOIING ON THERE.. IIHAVE NO IIDEA
 9 LETTER WORD AND THAT DOESN'T COVER WHAT WAS GO NG ON THERE HAVE NO DEA
HOW HIISSPIINDLY LEGS SUPPORTED THE MASS ABOVE THEM..THEN,, LIIKESOME PENN &
 HOW H S SP NDLY LEGS SUPPORTED THE MASS ABOVE THEM THEN L KE SOME PENN &
TELLER IILLUSIION,,HE TAPERED DOWN AND HAD THE MOST SUNKEN CHEST AND GAUNT
 TELLER LLUS ON HE TAPERED DOWN AND HAD THE MOST SUNKEN CHEST AND GAUNT
FACE YOU'VE EVER SEEN.. IILOOKED IINTOHIISEYES AND WANTED TO ORDER THAT COMBO
 FACE YOU'VE EVER SEEN LOOKED NTO H S EYES AND WANTED TO ORDER THAT COMBO
 MEAL AGA N.
MEAL AGAIIN.

IISHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THE EYE CONTACT THIING THOUGH..HE SMIILED AND SAIID HELLO,,
  SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THE EYE CONTACT TH NG THOUGH HE SM LED AND SA D HELLO
THEN TURNED FULL ON TOWARD ME AND IISAW THE WORLD'S BIIGGESTOUTTIIEBELLY
 THEN TURNED FULL ON TOWARD ME AND SAW THE WORLD'S B GGEST OUTT E BELLY
 BUTTON MY GORGE TR ED TO R SE BUT FOUGHT T OFF OBV OUSLY, TH S GUY HAS SOME
BUTTON..MY GORGE TRIIEDTO RIISEBUT IIFOUGHT IITOFF..OBVIIOUSLY, THIIS GUY HAS SOME
HORR FIC TUMOR OR A THREE HUNDRED FOOT LONG TAPEWORM DO NG NAUGHTY TH NGS
HORRIIFIC TUMOR OR A THREE HUNDRED FOOT LONG TAPEWORM DOIINGNAUGHTY THIINGS
DOWN THERE.. IIDON'T WANT TO BUY A TAPEWORM A COMBO PLATE,,SO IISMIILEDBACK AND
DOWN THERE DON'T WANT TO BUY A TAPEWORM A COMBO PLATE SO SM LED BACK AND
CONCENTRATED ON GETTIINGMY UNDERWEAR IINPLACE..
CONCENTRATED ON GETT NG MY UNDERWEAR N PLACE

IILOOKED TO MY LEFT AND MET THE KIIND FACE OF OLD GUY NUMBER TWO..NORMAL
  LOOKED TO MY LEFT AND MET THE K ND FACE OF OLD GUY NUMBER TWO NORMAL
 BELLY NOT TOO TH N. SOOTH NG ACTUALLY SAT ON A STOOL TO GET TO WORK ON MY
BELLY,,NOT TOO THIIN.SOOTHIINGACTUALLY.. IISAT ON A STOOL TO GET TO WORK ON MY
SOCKS,, THEN IITHAPPENED..WHIILE LOOKIINGDOWN AT MY OWN FEET,, IIHAPPENED UPON
 SOCKS THEN T HAPPENED WH LE LOOK NG DOWN AT MY OWN FEET HAPPENED UPON
 H S. THEY LOOKED EER LY L KE TWO EGGPLANTS AT LEAST 30 000 BLOOD VESSELS HAD
HIIS.THEY LOOKED EERIILYLIIKE TWO EGGPLANTS.. AT LEAST 30,,000BLOOD VESSELS HAD
 BURST ON EACH FOOT AND THEY LOOKED L KE BRU SE. NOT L KE BRU SED FEET L KE
BURST ON EACH FOOT AND THEY LOOKED LIIKEBRUIISE.NOT LIIKEBRUIISED FEET,, LIIKE
 BRU SE TSELF. BEFORE COULD LOOK AWAY         TR ED, BEL EVE ME TR ED
BRUIISE IITSELF.BEFORE IICOULD LOOK AWAY -- IITRIIED,BELIIEVEME IITRIIED-- IIGLIIMPSED
                                                                             GL MPSED
ONE PURPLE BIIG TOE.. IITWAS HEADED EAST ON A FOOTLIIKEBRUIISE THAT WAS HEADED
 ONE PURPLE B  G TOE T WAS HEADED EAST ON A FOOTL KE BRU SE THAT WAS HEADED
NORTH..THE TOENAIIL WAS POIINTIING DIIRECTLY AT THE LIITTLE TOE,, THREE TOES AWAY..
 NORTH THE TOENA L WAS PO NT NG D RECTLY AT THE L TTLE TOE THREE TOES AWAY
IIF IIHAD TO GUESS HIIS AGE,, II''D SAY THAT HE WAS 74..HIIS FEET WERE WERE AT
  F HAD TO GUESS H S AGE D SAY THAT HE WAS 74 H S FEET WERE WERE AT
 LEAST PLEISTOCENE. ON TOP OF THAT W TH EVERYTH NG THE GUY D D, HE MADE A LOUD
LEAST....PLEISTOCENE.ON TOP OF THAT,, WIITHEVERYTHIING THE GUY DIID,HE MADE A LOUD
 COMMENT HE PULLED ON A TEE SH RT AND S GHED, "OH BOY " PUT ON H S WATCH "GOOD
COMMENT..HE PULLED ON A TEE SHIIRTAND SIIGHED,"OH BOY!!"PUT ON HIISWATCH,, "GOOD
 HEAVENS " L TTLE DAB OF DEODORANT "WHOA " EVERY MOVEMENT CAME W TH A
HEAVENS!!"LIITTLEDAB OF DEODORANT,, "WHOA!!"EVERY MOVEMENT CAME WIITHA
STATEMENT..
 STATEMENT

OKAY,,GET THOSE SOCKS ON AND GET MOVIING,, BRIIAN!!
OKAY GET THOSE SOCKS ON AND GET MOV NG BR AN

IICLOSED MY EYES AND PUT MY SOCKS ON VERY CROOKEDLY.. IISTOOD UP,,PULLED ON MY
   CLOSED MY EYES AND PUT MY SOCKS ON VERY CROOKEDLY STOOD UP PULLED ON MY
 PANTS AND BEGAN TO HURRY N DRESS NG. SOMETH NG WASN'T S TTING R GHT N MY
PANTS AND BEGAN TO HURRY IINDRESSIING.SOMETHIINGWASN'T SIITTINGRIIGHTIINMY
 HEAD WASN'T GROSSED OUT AND TRY NG TO ESCAPE TH S SURREAL MOMENT . I DON'T
HEAD.. IIWASN'T GROSSED OUT AND TRYIING TO ESCAPE THIISSURREAL MOMENT.. II ...IDON'T
 KNOW WHAT T WAS NEEDED TO GET GO NG. THAT'S WHEN NOT CED FOR THE F RST T ME
KNOW WHAT IIT WAS.. IINEEDED TO GET GOIING.THAT'S WHEN IINOTIICED FOR THE FIIRSTTIIME
A RHYTHMIIC WHIISTLINGBEHIINDME.. IIDON'T KNOW HOW IIHAD GONE SO LONG,,TAKIING IIT
 A RHYTHM C WH STLING BEH ND ME DON'T KNOW HOW HAD GONE SO LONG TAK NG T
FOR GRANTED..WHAT DIID MY BRAIINCONVIINCE IITSELFTHE SOUND WAS? A STRONG BREEZE
 FOR GRANTED WHAT D D MY BRA N CONV NCE TSELF THE SOUND WAS? A STRONG BREEZE
 N A P NWHEEL FACTORY? WHY D DN''T MY BRA N ALERT ME TO TH S SOUND BEFORE? WAS
IINA PIINWHEEL FACTORY? WHY DIIDNT MY BRAIINALERT ME TO THIISSOUND BEFORE? WAS
IITOVERLOADED WIITHOTHER SUBJJECTMATTER AT THE MOMENT?
 T OVERLOADED W TH OTHER SUB ECT MATTER AT THE MOMENT?

OKAY,,TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT THE LAST GUY..SHIIT,,YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO HAVE
OKAY TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT THE LAST GUY SH T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO HAVE
THE FULL COMPL MENT OF AGED MEN SO GET T OVER W TH. DECREP T TR FECTA, HERE
THE FULL COMPLIIMENTOF AGED MEN,,SO GET IITOVER WIITH.DECREPIIT TRIIFECTA,HERE II
COME..
COME

COMPLETELY GRAY,,SWEET LOOKIING GUY JJUST GETTIING DRESSED..EXTREMELY OLD GUY..
 COMPLETELY GRAY SWEET LOOK NG GUY UST GETT NG DRESSED EXTREMELY OLD GUY
PROBABLY NEAR OR ON TOP OF 90..PROBABLY ONCE HAD SKIIN COVERIING HIIS BODY
 PROBABLY NEAR OR ON TOP OF 90 PROBABLY ONCE HAD SK N COVER NG H S BODY
IINSTEADOF THIISANCIIENT PARCHMENT..APPARENTLY UNABLE TO ADMIITOR EMIITAIIR
 NSTEAD OF TH S ANC ENT PARCHMENT APPARENTLY UNABLE TO ADM T OR EM T A R
 W THOUT PROBLEM LUNG SSUE. DAMN SHAME ST LL. ONE M GHT EXPECT WHEEZ NG,
WIITHOUTPROBLEM.. LUNG IISSUE.DAMN SHAME..STIILL...ONEMIIGHTEXPECT WHEEZIING,
 NOT WH STLING. HARD TO BREATHE GET T. PURS NG YOUR L PS W TH EACH NHALE AND
NOT WHIISTLING.HARD TO BREATHE,, IIGET IIT.PURSIINGYOUR LIIPS WIITHEACH IINHALEAND
 EXHALE MAKES A WH STLE THOUGH WHO AM TO UDGE, ESPEC ALLY WHEN HAVE NO
EXHALE MAKES A WHIISTLE THOUGH..WHO AM IITO JJUDGE,ESPECIIALLY WHEN IIHAVE NO
 DEA WHAT THE GUY'S SSUE ACTUALLY S? ST LL.
IIDEA WHAT THE GUY'S IISSUEACTUALLY IIS? STIILL ...

ALL IICOULD THIINK ABOUT WAS,, "II''LL BET DOGS ARE FRIIGGIIN''FOLLOWIING THIIS GUY ALL
ALL COULD TH NK ABOUT WAS " LL BET DOGS ARE FR GG N FOLLOW NG TH S GUY ALL
DAY LONG " CRUEL THOUGHT STUP D THOUGHT BAD BOY AWFUL REALLY ST LL.
DAY LONG.."CRUEL THOUGHT..STUPIID THOUGHT,,BAD BOY..AWFUL REALLY..STIILL ...

OKAY,,GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW..THROW ON THE SHIIRT AND HIIT THE ROAD..THE
OKAY GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE NOW THROW ON THE SH RT AND H T THE ROAD THE
UNKNOWN FEEL NG HAD CRAWLED UP MY BACK AND WAS PREPAR NG TO STRANGLE ME
UNKNOWN FEELIINGHAD CRAWLED UP MY BACK AND WAS PREPARIING TO STRANGLE ME
FROM BEH ND. THE LOCKER ROOM WAS FEEL NG CROWDED SUDDENLY T ME TO GO
FROM BEHIIND.THE LOCKER ROOM WAS FEELIINGCROWDED SUDDENLY..TIIME TO GO..

OLD GUY #4!!!!!!WHAT THE HELL? WHERE DIID HE COME FROM? HE'D SOMEHOW MIINGLED
OLD GUY #4 WHAT THE HELL? WHERE D D HE COME FROM? HE'D SOMEHOW M NGLED
HIISWAY IINTO THE MIIDDLEOF THIINGSAND HE WAS STARIINGRIIGHTAT ME..GRAY HEAD AND
H S WAY NTO THE M DDLE OF TH NGS AND HE WAS STAR NG R GHT AT ME GRAY HEAD AND
FULL TANGLED BEARD..KIINDA LIIKERASPUTIIN WIITHOUTTHE EVIILSCOWL..
FULL TANGLED BEARD K NDA L KE RASPUT N W THOUT THE EV L SCOWL

YOU KNOW HOW SOMEONE GETS YOUR ATTENTIION AND THEY HOLD IIT AND YOU CAN''T
YOU KNOW HOW SOMEONE GETS YOUR ATTENT ON AND THEY HOLD T AND YOU CAN T
LOOK AWAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETH NG''S ABOUT TO HAPPEN? L KE THEY'RE ABOUT
LOOK AWAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW SOMETHIINGS ABOUT TO HAPPEN? LIIKE THEY'RE ABOUT
TO TELL YOU SOMETH NG OF GREAT MPORT. YEAH WELL HE HAD ME L KE THAT HE TOOK
TO TELL YOU SOMETHIING OF GREAT IIMPORT.YEAH,, WELL HE HAD ME LIIKE THAT..HE TOOK
A STEP CLOSER AND SM LED.
A STEP CLOSER AND SMIILED.

"FIIVE MORE FUCKIING DAYS UNTIIL FUCKIING CHRIISTMAS!!WHUDDYA HAVE TO SAY ABOUT
"F VE MORE FUCK NG DAYS UNT L FUCK NG CHR STMAS WHUDDYA HAVE TO SAY ABOUT
THAT?"
THAT?"

WELL PUT..WHAT COULD IIPOSSIIBLY SAY ABOUT THAT? THERE IIS NO COMEBACK FOR A
WELL PUT WHAT COULD POSS BLY SAY ABOUT THAT? THERE S NO COMEBACK FOR A
STATEMENT LIIKE THAT IIN A ROOM FIILLEDWIITHMOSTLY NAKED,, IINFIRMOLDER VERSIIONS
STATEMENT L KE THAT N A ROOM F LLED W TH MOSTLY NAKED NFIRM OLDER VERS ONS
OF MYSELF..
OF MYSELF

THAT'S IIT!!IINOW KNEW THE NAME OF THE CREEPIING FEELIING THAT WAS STALKIING ME IIN
THAT'S T NOW KNEW THE NAME OF THE CREEP NG FEEL NG THAT WAS STALK NG ME N
THIISWARM AND MOIISTROOM..THE BELLY AND BRUIISESAND CURVED TOES AND CRAP
TH S WARM AND MO ST ROOM THE BELLY AND BRU SES AND CURVED TOES AND CRAP
LUNGS WERE THE CONTRARY GIIFTSOF AGE..ALL IIHAVE TO DO IIS KEEP WAKIINGUP AND
LUNGS WERE THE CONTRARY G FTS OF AGE ALL HAVE TO DO S KEEP WAK NG UP AND
THESE THIINGS WIILL FIINALLYCATCH ME..NONE OF US CAN OUTRUN THE PURSUIITOF AGE
THESE TH NGS W LL F NALLY CATCH ME NONE OF US CAN OUTRUN THE PURSU T OF AGE
AND LLNESS. ONE DAY NOT TOO FAR FROM TH S MOMENT A YOUNGER MAN W LL LOOK AT
AND IILLNESS.ONE DAY,, NOT TOO FAR FROM THIIS MOMENT,,A YOUNGER MAN WIILL LOOK AT
ME AND FEEL THE NEED TO RUN HOPE THAT HE S AS FLEET OF FOOT AS HE TH NKS HE S.
ME AND FEEL THE NEED TO RUN.. IIHOPE THAT HE IIS AS FLEET OF FOOT AS HE THIINKSHE IIS. II
KNOW BETTER BUT IIWIISH HIIMSPEED..
KNOW BETTER BUT W SH H M SPEED

IINODDED TO THE "FUCKIING CHRIISTMAS" GUY AND WALKED SLOWLY OUT OF THE LOCKER
  NODDED TO THE "FUCK NG CHR STMAS" GUY AND WALKED SLOWLY OUT OF THE LOCKER
ROOM AND UP THE FLIIGHTOF STAIIRS TO MY CAR..THOSE STAIIRSARE STIILLMY FRIIENDS
 ROOM AND UP THE FL GHT OF STA RS TO MY CAR THOSE STA RS ARE ST LL MY FR ENDS
NOW BUT THE DAY WIILLCOME WHEN IIWIILLDRESS SLOWLY IIN THE LOCKER ROOM TOO,,
 NOW BUT THE DAY W LL COME WHEN W LL DRESS SLOWLY N THE LOCKER ROOM TOO
 TRY NG TO AVO D THE NOT SO EASY TRUDGE UP THOSE STA RS.
TRYIING TO AVOIID THE NOT SO EASY TRUDGE UP THOSE STAIIRS.

FIIVE MORE FUCKIING DAYS!!CHRIISTMAS IIS COMIING FOR US ALL..
F VE MORE FUCK NG DAYS CHR STMAS S COM NG FOR US ALL

MERRY CHRIISTMAS!!
MERRY CHR STMAS
    GOOD,,BETTER,,BEST..THEN MORE GOOD,,MORE BETTER,,MORE BEST
    GOOD BETTER BEST THEN MORE GOOD MORE BETTER MORE BEST


THIIS IIS A BIIT OF A CLEAR MIINDED RANT HERE.. IIADMIIT THAT IITOOK HALF AN AMBIIEN BUT
TH S S A B T OF A CLEAR M NDED RANT HERE ADM T THAT TOOK HALF AN AMB EN BUT
THAT WAS ONLY TWO M NUTES AGO ''M F RING ON ALL OF THE CYL NDERS THAT ST LL
THAT WAS ONLY TWO MIINUTESAGO.. IIM FIIRINGON ALL OF THE CYLIINDERS THAT STIILL
WORK..
WORK

WHAT II''M ABOUT TO SAY,,IIS NOT DIIRECTED AT YOU..II'M WRIITIING THIIS FOR YOU,,NOT YOU.. II
WHAT M ABOUT TO SAY S NOT D RECTED AT YOU 'M WR T NG TH S FOR YOU NOT YOU
MEAN YOU OKAY TH NK THAT MAYBE YOU TH NK THAT T''S ABOUT YOU BUT T SN''T F
MEAN,,YOU..OKAY,, IITHIINKTHAT MAYBE YOU THIINKTHAT IITS ABOUT YOU BUT IIT IISNT.. IIF
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT 'M TALK NG ABOUT T M GHT BE YOU
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT II'M TALKIINGABOUT,, IITMIIGHTBE YOU..

WHY ARE WE WHO WE ARE? WHY DO WE BECOME SOMEONE ELSE TO GET SOMEONE ELSE IIN
 WHY ARE WE WHO WE ARE? WHY DO WE BECOME SOMEONE ELSE TO GET SOMEONE ELSE N
 OUR L VES, THEN CHANGE WHO WE WERE N THE BEG NNING N AN ATTEMPT TO TURN THEM
OUR LIIVES, THEN CHANGE WHO WE WERE IIN THE BEGIINNING IINAN ATTEMPT TO TURN THEM
IINTO WHO WE WANTED THEM TO BE WHEN WE FIIRSTMET THEM? WE ALL WANT TO BE
 NTO WHO WE WANTED THEM TO BE WHEN WE F RST MET THEM? WE ALL WANT TO BE
SOMEBODY'S SOMEBODY.. THE HUMAN IIS LACKIINGA STABLE FULFIILLMENTGENE AND THAT
 SOMEBODY'S SOMEBODY THE HUMAN S LACK NG A STABLE FULF LLMENT GENE AND THAT
IISSAD..
 S SA D

THOSE OF US WHO DESIIRE STUFF WIITH OUR HEART AND SOUL,, FORSAKIING ALL ELSE,,
THOSE OF US WHO DES RE STUFF W TH OUR HEART AND SOUL FORSAK NG ALL ELSE
GENERALLY GET T. THE PROBLEM S, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH STACKS OF THE STUFF TO
GENERALLY GET IIT.THE PROBLEM IIS, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH STACKS OF THE STUFF TO
QUENCH THE HUNGER..
QUENCH THE HUNGER

THOSE OF US WHO SEEK A FULFIILLIING LOVE,,MAY FIIND IIT --WIITH THE HELP OF THE
THOSE OF US WHO SEEK A FULF LL NG LOVE MAY F ND T W TH THE HELP OF THE
DEM GODS. WHEN WE F ND THAT PERSON AND REVEL N ALL THE BEAUTY AND
DEMIIGODS.WHEN WE FIINDTHAT PERSON AND REVEL IINALL THE BEAUTY AND
WONDERFULNESS THAT THEY ARE AND THAT THEY BRIING WIITH THEM,,WE ARE ELATED
WONDERFULNESS THAT THEY ARE AND THAT THEY BR NG W TH THEM WE ARE ELATED
ENOUGH TO DECLARE THAT OUR L VES ARE F NALLY BLESSED WE SEE THEM WE W NK, WE
ENOUGH TO DECLARE THAT OUR LIIVESARE FIINALLYBLESSED..WE SEE THEM,,WE WIINK, WE
SMELL THEM,,WE KIISS THEM,,DREAM THEM,,WANT THEM,,DESIIRE THEM,,CAN'T LIIVE
SMELL THEM WE K SS THEM DREAM THEM WANT THEM DES RE THEM CAN'T L VE
W THOUT THEM EMBRACE THEM AND MAKE THEM AN NTEGRAL PART OF OUR L VES. OUR
WIITHOUTTHEM,, EMBRACE THEM,,AND MAKE THEM AN IINTEGRALPART OF OUR LIIVES.OUR
NOW MUTUAL L FE.
NOW MUTUAL LIIFE.

AS YOU KNOW FROM EXPERIIENCE,, IIT GENERALLY PLAYS OUT LIIKE THIIS --
AS YOU KNOW FROM EXPER ENCE T GENERALLY PLAYS OUT L KE TH S

BECAUSE WE ARE THE CREATURES THAT WE ARE,,WE REALIIZE THAT ALL OF THE LOVELY
BECAUSE WE ARE THE CREATURES THAT WE ARE WE REAL ZE THAT ALL OF THE LOVELY
GLORY THAT WE'D BEEN COOIINGOVER,,NOW NEEDS A TWEAK HERE AND THERE..WELL,,
GLORY THAT WE'D BEEN COO NG OVER NOW NEEDS A TWEAK HERE AND THERE WELL
DON'T THIINKYOU CAN TWEAK A LIITTLESOMETHIINGWIITHOUTHAVIINGYOUR PARTNER
DON'T TH NK YOU CAN TWEAK A L TTLE SOMETH NG W THOUT HAV NG YOUR PARTNER
TWEAKIINGBACK AT YA..SOON,,THE VALHALLA THAT YOU'D BEEN LOUNGIINGIINAND
TWEAK NG BACK AT YA SOON THE VALHALLA THAT YOU'D BEEN LOUNG NG N AND
LOV NG TO YOUR UTMOST BECOMES SOMETH NG A L TTLE MORE D STANT.
LOVIING TO YOUR UTMOST BECOMES SOMETHIINGA LIITTLEMORE DIISTANT.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? DON''T YOU
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? DON T YOU
REALIIZE THAT LIIFE IIS LIIVED-- IIN IITS MOST REMARKABLE STATE -- IIN THOSE LIITTLE MOMENTS
REAL ZE THAT L FE S L VED N TS MOST REMARKABLE STATE N THOSE L TTLE MOMENTS
OF PERFECTIIONAND THE LOVE THAT YOU FEEL FOR THE OTHER PERSON? IITONLY GETS
OF PERFECT ON AND THE LOVE THAT YOU FEEL FOR THE OTHER PERSON? T ONLY GETS
BETTER IIFYOU CAN SEE THAT LOVE BOUNCIINGBACK TO YOU FROM THEIIREYES..
BETTER F YOU CAN SEE THAT LOVE BOUNC NG BACK TO YOU FROM THE R EYES
EVERYTHIING IIN BETWEEN IIS THE GRIIT AND GRIIME OF LIIFE..GRIIT AND GRIIME ARE A MUST
EVERYTH NG N BETWEEN S THE GR T AND GR ME OF L FE GR T AND GR ME ARE A MUST
AND DEAL NG W TH THEM TO THE BEST OF YOUR AB LITY MAKES YOU A STRONGER BETTER
AND DEALIING WIITH THEM TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABIILITY MAKES YOU A STRONGER BETTER
PERSON..YOU LOSE YOUR EUPHORIIA WHEN YOU BRIINGTHAT GRIIMEHOME AND SPREAD IIT
PERSON YOU LOSE YOUR EUPHOR A WHEN YOU BR NG THAT GR ME HOME AND SPREAD T
ALL OVER HER HIM. THAT'S THE SUREST WAY TO GET GR MED N RETURN N GR ME, YOU
ALL OVER HER//HIM.THAT'S THE SUREST WAY TO GET GRIIMED IINRETURN.. IIN GRIIME,YOU
BOTH LOSE AND LIINESARE DRAWN IIN THE SAND..GRIIMEDON''TPAY..CONVERSATIION
BOTH LOSE AND L NES ARE DRAWN N THE SAND GR ME DONT PAY CONVERSAT ON
DW NDLES AND THE HOUSE GETS CH LLY. NOW YOU'RE FROSTY AND YOU'RE NOT SURE
DWIINDLESAND THE HOUSE GETS CHIILLY.NOW,,YOU'RE FROSTY AND YOU'RE NOT SURE
WHY BUT IITHAD SOMETHIING TO DO WIITHHER//HIM NOT GIIVINGYOU WHAT YOU NEEDED..
WHY BUT T HAD SOMETH NG TO DO W TH HER HIM NOT G VING YOU WHAT YOU NEEDED

AND THERE WE HAVE IIT..WHAT “YOU” NEED..WHAT JJUST HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO OF
 AND THERE WE HAVE T WHAT “YOU” NEED WHAT UST HAPPENED BETWEEN THE TWO OF
YOU? IIKNOW EXACTLY WHAT AND HOW IITHAPPENED..ONE OF YOU,,PERHAPS BOTH OF
 YOU? KNOW EXACTLY WHAT AND HOW T HAPPENED ONE OF YOU PERHAPS BOTH OF
YOU,,WANTED MORE..REMEMBER THREE MONTHS AGO WHEN ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO BE
 YOU WANTED MORE REMEMBER THREE MONTHS AGO WHEN ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO BE
 N HER HIS PRESENCE? MAYBE A SM LE AND A K SS. ONE OF THOSE HAND HOLDING
IINHER//HISPRESENCE? MAYBE A SMIILEAND A KIISS.ONE OF THOSE HAND--HOLDING
SESSIIONS THAT WARMED EVERY CELL IINYOUR BODY.. IIFSHE//HECAME OVER AND HELD
 SESS ONS THAT WARMED EVERY CELL N YOUR BODY F SHE HE CAME OVER AND HELD
YOUR HAND RIIGHTNOW,, YOU'D WONDER WHAT HE//SHEWAS UP TO WIITH THIISOBVIIOUS
 YOUR HAND R GHT NOW YOU'D WONDER WHAT HE SHE WAS UP TO W TH TH S OBV OUS
IIMPENDINGPLOY..THE "IINEED//WANTMORE" GOT AHOLD AND NOW YOU'RE IINA
 MPENDING PLOY THE " NEED WANT MORE" GOT AHOLD AND NOW YOU'RE N A
COMBATIIVESTANCE..
 COMBAT VE STANCE

IIT''S NOT ONLY YOUR FAULT..YOU LIIVE ON A PLANET WIITH OTHERS LIIKE YOU,, WHO TAUGHT
  T S NOT ONLY YOUR FAULT YOU L VE ON A PLANET W TH OTHERS L KE YOU WHO TAUGHT
 YOU THESE "SK LLS." N FACT MOST OF THE OTHERS WALK NG ON THE FACE OF TH S
YOU THESE "SKIILLS."IIN FACT,, MOST OF THE OTHERS WALKIINGON THE FACE OF THIIS
CELESTIIALBODY ARE EVEN MORE GREED ORIIENTED THAN YOURSELF..YOU ARE CATCHIING
 CELEST AL BODY ARE EVEN MORE GREED OR ENTED THAN YOURSELF YOU ARE CATCH NG
UP THOUGH..CAREFUL..AH,,THE OTHERS..YOUR FELLOW PLANETEERS ARE WORKIINGON
 UP THOUGH CAREFUL AH THE OTHERS YOUR FELLOW PLANETEERS ARE WORK NG ON
"MORE" AT AN ALARMIING RATE..
 "MORE" AT AN ALARM NG RATE

LOOK AT THAT BIIG GODFORSAKEN,,ABNORMAL,,MUTATED,, LARGER THAN ANY DEIITY
 LOOK AT THAT B G GODFORSAKEN ABNORMAL MUTATED LARGER THAN ANY DE TY
IINTENDEDCOW..MMM MMM GOOD!! MAKES YOUR MOUTH WATER JJUSTLOOKIINGAT THIIS
 NTENDED COW MMM MMM GOOD MAKES YOUR MOUTH WATER UST LOOK NG AT TH S
GENETIICMONSTROSIITY THAT WE'RE HOPIING TO GET BIIGGERBETTER BURGERS OUT OF AND
 GENET C MONSTROS TY THAT WE'RE HOP NG TO GET B GGER BETTER BURGERS OUT OF AND
 WHO W LL ALSO G VE OFF ENOUGH METHANE TO OPEN SOME REALLY REALLY B G
WHO WIILLALSO GIIVEOFF ENOUGH METHANE TO OPEN SOME REALLY REALLY BIIG
HOLES IIN THE OZONE LAYER..OZONE LAYER? WONDER WHY THEY STOPPED TALKIING
 HOLES N THE OZONE LAYER OZONE LAYER? WONDER WHY THEY STOPPED TALK NG
ABOUT THAT? OH YEAH,, OJ KIILLEDSOME PEOPLE AND MIICHAELJORDAN WON 6
 ABOUT THAT? OH YEAH OJ K LLED SOME PEOPLE AND M CHAEL JORDAN WON 6
CHAMPIIONSHIPSAND THE WORLD TRADE CENTER WENT DOWN,, THEN THE ENSUIING WARS,,
 CHAMP ONSHIPS AND THE WORLD TRADE CENTER WENT DOWN THEN THE ENSU NG WARS
 AND SN''T JUST N T MBERLAKE DREAMY? YOUR M ND S SOMEWHERE ELSE NOW THE
AND IISNT JUSTIINTIIMBERLAKEDREAMY? YOUR MIINDIISSOMEWHERE ELSE NOW.. THE
 OZONE LAYER WASN'T MAG CALLY REPA RED. WE UST MOVED ON HELL T HASN'T K LLED
OZONE LAYER WASN'T MAGIICALLYREPAIIRED.WE JJUSTMOVED ON..HELL,, IITHASN'T KIILLED
 YOU YET R GHT?
YOU YET,,RIIGHT?

KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE START EATIING BIIGGER STRONGER ANIIMALS ((THAT WE
 KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE START EAT NG B GGER STRONGER AN MALS THAT WE
 PLAYED GOD W TH)? YOU GUESSED T, BABY WE BECOME THE TH NGS WE WANT TO BE
PLAYED GOD WIITH)? YOU GUESSED IIT,BABY..WE BECOME THE THIINGSWE WANT TO BE..
PLAY GOD AND YOU COULD ACTUALLY BECOME GOD..WELL,,OUR TWIISTED LOGIIC SAYS SO..
 PLAY GOD AND YOU COULD ACTUALLY BECOME GOD WELL OUR TW STED LOG C SAYS SO
WHO'S TO ARGUE ANYWAY? THE CATTLE? NO WAY,,WE'VE CONQUERED AND RECONCEIIVED
 WHO'S TO ARGUE ANYWAY? THE CATTLE? NO WAY WE'VE CONQUERED AND RECONCE VED
AND TAIILOREDAND REDESTIINED THEM..
 AND TA LORED AND REDEST NED THEM
IIF YOU SAY THIIS IISN'T WHAT WE ALL WANT,,YOU'RE EIITHER LYIING OR YOU’’RE AN ODDBALL
  F YOU SAY TH S SN'T WHAT WE ALL WANT YOU'RE E THER LY NG OR YOU RE AN ODDBALL
 WHO SN''T ON THE R GHT TRACK
WHO IISNT ON THE RIIGHTTRACK..

YOU WOULD THIINK THAT BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW GOOD BEIING WIITH THAT SPECIIAL
 YOU WOULD TH NK THAT BECAUSE WE KNOW HOW GOOD BE NG W TH THAT SPEC AL
 PERSON S N THE BEG NNING, WE'D DO ALL W THIN OUR POWER TO F GURE OUT HOW TO
PERSON IIS IIN THE BEGIINNING,WE'D DO ALL WIITHIN OUR POWER TO FIIGUREOUT HOW TO
KEEP IITNEW.. IIFWE CAN MAKE A COW THE SIIZEOF A MAMMOTH,, MAKE OUR BODIIES
 KEEP T NEW F WE CAN MAKE A COW THE S ZE OF A MAMMOTH MAKE OUR BOD ES
UNREASONABLY OUTRAGEOUSLY MUSCLED,,CHANGE OUR FACES//BODIES TO THE POIINTOF
 UNREASONABLY OUTRAGEOUSLY MUSCLED CHANGE OUR FACES BODIES TO THE PO NT OF
 NON RECOGNITION AND OR SUBL MELY R DICULOUS, WHY HAS NO ONE OF THE 6 8
NON--RECOGNITIONAND//ORSUBLIIMELYRIIDICULOUS,WHY HAS NO ONE --OF THE 6..8
BIILLIONPEOPLE LIIVINGON THIISBLUE//GREEN WONDER --SOUGHT TO FIINDA WAY TO
 B LLION PEOPLE L VING ON TH S BLUE GREEN WONDER SOUGHT TO F ND A WAY TO
 SUSTA N TH S MOST MPORTANT TH NG THAT ALL 6 8 B LLION OF US CONSTANTLY SEEK? S
SUSTAIIN THIISMOST IIMPORTANTTHIING THAT ALL 6..8BIILLIONOF US CONSTANTLY SEEK? IIS
 T REALLY THAT HARD OR COULD WE EVER BE HAPPY BE NG SAT SFIED?
IITREALLY THAT HARD OR COULD WE EVER BE HAPPY BEIINGSATIISFIED?
IIF IICOULD MAKE YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SATIISFIIED,,WOULD YOU BE?
  F COULD MAKE YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SAT SF ED WOULD YOU BE?

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