Scholarship Essay Tips

							                         Scholarship Essay Tips
Writing the Scholarship Essay
Kay Peterson, Ph.D. Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter - January 2008

The Personal Essay. It's the hardest part of your scholarship application. But it's also the part of the application
where the 'real you' can shine through. Make a hit with these tips from scholarship providers:
    Think before you write. Brainstorm to generate some good ideas and then create an outline to help you
        get going.
    Be original. The judges may be asked to review hundreds of essays. It's your job to make your essay
        stand out from the rest. So be creative in your answers.
    Show, don't tell. Use stories, examples and anecdotes to individualize your essay and demonstrate the
        point you want to make. By using specifics, you'll avoid vagueness and generalities and make a stronger
        impression.
    Develop a theme. Don't simply list all your achievements. Decide on a theme you want to convey that
        sums up the impression you want to make. Write about experiences that develop that theme.
    Know your audience. Personal essays are not "one size fits all." Write a new essay for each application-
        one that fits the interests and requirements of that scholarship organization. You're asking to be selected
        as the representative for that group. The essay is your chance to show how you are the ideal
        representative.
    Submit an essay that is neat and readable. Make sure your essay is neatly typed, and that there is a lot
        of white space on the page. Double-space the essay, and provide adequate margins (1"-1 1/2") on all
        sides.
    Make sure your essay is well written. Proofread carefully, check spelling and grammar and share your
        essay with friends or teachers. Another pair of eyes can catch errors you might miss.
Scholarship Essay Tip: Telling the Story
Kay Peterson, Ph.D. Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter-January 2008

What makes a winning essay? Judges respond best to essays that have a clear focus and address the essay
question or topic. But even more importantly, winning essays involve the reader. They take the reader along for
the ride by telling a story about the applicant.

To demonstrate this, let's take a look at an essay written by Neil, a FastWeb user. Neil has been asked to write
about volunteer work:

"The ability to volunteer within one's own community is a skill possessed by only a handful of people. Through my
experiences, volunteering has shown me not only that it takes a good person to volunteer, but also by
volunteering, you can become a much better person.

My maiden voyage was when I was a freshman in high school. A close friend of mine was a member of a
committee that planned Rockfest, a drug and alcohol free day-long concert sponsored by the Rockland YM-
YWHA. After much convincing, I joined him on what I later found out would be the first of many, many Thursday
night meetings. It was here that I met the Rockfest planning advisor, and later on a lady who became a mentor,
coordinator for numerous other events, and most importantly a friend. The meeting wasn't overly crowded, but
there was a nice atmosphere about it. No one was paid, no one was there to outdo the next guy, and everyone
was there for the same purpose. I looked at it as an opportunity to plan a concert, interview bands and listen to
great music; they looked at me as a community volunteer ... or could I really be both?

So week after week I attended these Thursday night meetings. I soon began putting in more of my own time:
going out on weekends to gather sponsors, interview bands after school, calling magicians, clowns, vendors, etc.
As the day of Rockfest grew nearer and nearer, I was getting very excited. I had planned this concert; I had
helped out. It's a feeling like no other, to stand back and look at the 5,000 people of all ages who attended the
concert, and know that I helped plan this show. Needless to say, I was back the next year to start the planning
again. As time went by, I became involved in other activities where my services were useful. I helped out by
delivering food on holidays to nursing homes, and by making baskets filled with candy for places like the ARC and
Jawanio. I also helped at my karate school by teaching the children's classes, an experience from which I have
gained so many life skills.
By volunteering in my community, I have learned so much about myself as a person, and about other good
people in my community. I feel exceptionally fortunate to be given the opportunity to help out people who are less
fortunate than I, and to have been able to plan Rockfest for the past four years, and to have moved up to being
one of the most senior members on the board of planners (recently, I was informed that funding was pulled for
next years Rockfest; enclosed is a letter that I wrote to the board of trustees defending the show). My volunteering
has helped to make so many people happier, even just for that one hour that I played cards with them, or for that
one hour that I watched television with them or played chess with them. That is truly an irreplaceable feeling
inside."

Neil's essay has a lot of winning elements, but there's a lot he can do to create a stronger impression. Here's what
I liked about his essay:
       He uses his essay as a way to highlight and expand upon the experiences that make him a good
         candidate for this scholarship.
       He provides a lot of vivid detail. He gives specific instances and describes exactly what he has done in
         his community.
       He personalizes the essay by providing insights into the way he felt about these projects.

On the other hand, there are some things in his essay that keep us from getting as involved as we could be:
     His opening paragraph is weak and doesn't carry the same interest as the paragraphs that follow. The
        ideas are vague and a bit cliche, and do nothing to portray him to his readers.
     His description of what he gets out of volunteering-as well as what his volunteerism does for others-is
        also vague. He loses us because he doesn't say anything that is unique or drawn directly from his
        experiences.
     He packs in a lot of interesting details-his mentorship relationship with the Rockfest planning advisor, his
        efforts to maintain funding for Rockfest-but he doesn't use them effectively. They get lost because his
        essay isn't focused.
Neil could easily improve this essay by redrafting it so that it focuses on telling the story of his experience. Neil's
already gotten a start on this in his second paragraph. Here, Neil sets a dramatic scene by providing a description
of the setting and characters at the Rockfest planning meeting:

... The meeting wasn't overly crowded, but there was a nice atmosphere about it. No one was paid, no one was
there to outdo the next guy, and everyone was there for the same purpose ...

He even lays out a bit of dramatic conflict and fills us in on his own motivation and expectations: "I looked at it as
an opportunity to plan a concert, interview bands and listen to great music; they looked at me as a community
volunteer ... or could I really be both?"

Neil should take full advantage of this dramatic scene by using it as the opening of his essay. He should skip his
general description of the importance of volunteerism and jump right into his first visit to a Rockfest planning
meeting. By taking this more dramatic approach, he can describe his feelings, his doubts, what he thinks he'll get
out of it, his reason for being there.

Once he's caught us with that 'hook,' he can use the rest of the essay to walk us through the effect this
experience has had on his life. Before writing, Neil may want to plan out the various 'chapters' of his story by
listing for himself the key moments or episodes:
       his mentor relationship with the planning advisor.
       what he has learned as he has risen through the ranks from 'volunteer' to one of the most senior
          members of the planning board.
       his developing interest in other volunteer projects.
       his efforts to save Rockfest from funding cuts.

These are all potentially great stories, but right now, he runs through them so quickly they lose their power.
In particular, Neil should describe more fully his efforts to save Rockfest. He can do this recounting how he heard
about the funding cut, how he responded and what he decided to do about it. By adding these details, he'll
illustrate more forcefully how important volunteerism is to him.

If he focuses on telling the story, Neil will bring the reader along for the ride and provide himself with great
ammunition for his conclusion. Instead of relying on cliches, he can point to the experiences he's had-that the
reader has shared-to illustrate why volunteerism is valuable. Since we've seen where he started and where he
ended up, we'll get a fuller sense of the importance of these events. He will have sold us on his experience-simply
by telling the story.
Painting Your Scholarship Portrait
Benjamin Kaplan, Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter- January 2008

Some scholarship applications bring home the bucks-but plenty of others don't. When you put these two groups of
applications side by side, the differences are like night and day.

What Makes a Winning Application?
Unsuccessful scholarship applications, more often then not, resembled a laundry list of activities, awards, and
accomplishments. Although these credentials were often impressive in and of themselves, reading such materials
felt like inhaling a random conglomeration of facts.
When reading a winning application, on the other hand, I felt like I was actually getting to know the person who
submitted it. I came away from each feeling like I understood the core interests, skills and values of the individual.
My impression of these winning applications is reinforced when I think back to conversations I've had with contest
judges at various scholarship awards ceremonies. When actually meeting many of the judges who evaluated my
applications, the most frequent comment I heard was "I already feel like I know you, Ben."

Portrait of a Winner
Why do winning scholarship applications ultimately leave such strong impressions? Quite simply, these
applications create vivid portraits of the applicants: Each one of these applications doesn't just recite
accomplishments-it depicts the person behind all of the grades, extracurricular activities and awards. After all,
judges award scholarships to people, not to resumes. If a judge feels like he or she know you, it creates a
powerful emotional connection that elevates your application to more than just another in the pile.

So how does one paint these self-portraits?
     First, treat each component of a scholarship application (such as the essay, extracurricular activity list and
       recommendation letter) as part of a unified whole-not as a separate entity. Just as combining the melody
       of a romantic ballad with the lyrics of gangsta rap would create musical chaos, if you don't coordinate the
       message that each part sends, the overall impression you leave is unclear and fragmented.
     Second, we must develop the message itself: the core idea that permeates the entire application and
       powerfully communicates who you are. I call this cohesive message the application theme.


Developing Your Theme
Think of the theme as the main point you are trying to communicate about yourself-the framework that puts all of
your activities, interests and credentials in the proper context. Application themes are frequently created around
particular activities that you're passionate about, particular interests that fascinate you or career goals you're
striving towards.

In my experience, the typical application should have no more than one or two major themes. Any more than this,
and you start to dilute the communicative power of your message. If an application has two major themes, then
one should be the primary theme, and the other the secondary theme. The primary theme should be the focal
point of the application-the primary message you're trying to communicate. The secondary theme builds upon this
message by illustrating another important aspect of your life, interests and personality.

In one of my own scholarship applications, for instance, my primary theme was built around my passion for writing
and my deep appreciation for all forms of communication as tools for solving problems. My secondary theme
focused on how I had already exhibited, and would continue to exhibit, a high level of leadership. I placed
credentials that emphasized these themes in prominent positions at the top of extracurricular activity and awards
lists, addressed these themes in my essays and personal statements and chose recommendation letters that also
reinforced these key ideas. I still included in my application materials all of the other information and credentials
that didn't relate to my thematic message (you still want to show well-roundedness, after all), but my primary and
secondary themes took center stage. And it worked: I won $17,500 from that particular contest.

So which activities do you most enjoy? What types of disciplines and skills come naturally to you? What do you
dream of doing 20 years from now? Begin asking yourself questions like these, and you'll be well on your way to
developing the application themes that work best for you.
Common Essay Questions
Roxana Hadad, Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter- January 2008

The essay: It's the most important part of your scholarship application, and it can be the hardest. But the essay
shouldn't keep you from applying. Take a look at some commonly asked essay questions and use them to
prepare for your scholarship applications. Brainstorm ideas, do some research or create your own "stock" of
scholarship essays. When the time comes, you'll be ready to write your way to scholarship success!

Your Field of Specialization and Academic Plans
Some scholarship applications will ask you to write about your major or field of study. These questions are used
to determine how well you know your area of specialization and why you're interested in it.
Samples:
             How will your study of _______ contribute to your immediate or long range career plans?
             Why do you want to be a _______?
             Explain the importance of (your major) in today's society.
             What do you think the industry of _______ will be like in the next 10 years?
             What are the most important issues your field is facing today?

Current Events and Social Issues
To test your skills at problem-solving and check how up to date you are on current issues, many scholarship
applications include questions about problems and issues facing society.
Samples:
              What do you consider to be the single most important societal problem? Why?
              If you had the authority to change your school in a positive way, what specific changes would you
                  make?
              Pick a controversial problem on college campuses and suggest a solution.
              What do you see as the greatest threat to the environment today?
Personal Achievements
Scholarships exist to reward and encourage achievement. So you shouldn't be surprised to find essay topics that
ask you to brag a little.
Samples:
              Describe how you have demonstrated leadership ability both in and out of school.
              Discuss a special attribute or accomplishment that sets you apart.
              Describe your most meaningful achievements and how they relate to your field of study and your
                  future goals.
              Why are you a good candidate to receive this award?

Background and Influences
Who you are is closely tied to where you've been and who you've known. To learn more about you, some
scholarship committees will ask you to write about your background and major influences.
 Samples:
             Pick an experience from your own life and explain how it has influenced your development.
             Who in your life has been your biggest influence and why?
             How has your family background affected the way you see the world?
             How has your education contributed to who you are today?

Future Plans and Goals
Scholarship sponsors look for applicants with vision and motivation, so they might ask about your goals and
aspirations.
Samples:
              Briefly describe your long- and short-term goals.
              Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
              Why do you want to get a college education?

Financial Need
Many scholarship providers have a charitable goal: They want to provide money for students who are going to
have trouble paying for college. In addition to asking for information about your financial situation, these
committees may want a more detailed and personal account of your financial need.
Samples:
             From a financial standpoint, what impact would this scholarship have on your education?
              State any special personal or family circumstances affecting your need for financial assistance.
              How have you been financing your college education?

Random Topics
Some essay questions don't seem directly related to your education, but committees use them to test your
creativity and get a more well-rounded sense of your personality.
Samples:
              Choose a person or persons you admire and explain why.
              Choose a book or books and that have affected you deeply and explain why.

While you can't predict every essay question, knowing some of the most common ones can give you a leg up on
applications. Start brainstorming now, and you may find yourself a winner!
Second Round Knockout
Stephen Borkowski, Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter-January 2008

You feel confident about your scholarship essay. It's a neat, well-written piece. There's a great chance you'll pass
the first round and be in contention for the award.

What about the second round? Now you're up against applicants who also submitted neat, well-written essays.
Now the judges are pickier. These essay errors commonly knockout applicants in the second round:

Vaguely Addressing the Topic
Applicants often go off topic trying to force a view, experience or story into their essay that doesn't match the
theme. If you have to spend a lot of energy stretching your clever anecdote to fit, it's probably better to pursue a
different angle.

Recycled material can also create meandering. It's apparent when an essay is being reused according to Susan
Thurman, scholarship committee chair for the National Society of High School Scholars . "At the very end [the
applicant] will try to tie it in but it's some set essay they've been using for college applications and doesn't really
fit," she says.

Using Clichéd Examples
If you're asked to select the subject you'll write about, the topic you select is important.
"If you're going to talk about Harry Potter, you better get pretty deep," says Patti Ross, vice president of the Coca-
Cola Scholars Foundation .

Judges read hundreds of essays, so it's important to choose a memorable, unique topic. "If you want to use a
quote or a story, make it something a little bit different, something not being used by a couple hundred other
applicants," Thurman says.

If a topic is very personal, chances are it won't be perceived as clichéd. If the subject is something you're
passionate about, that excitement should come through.

Lack of Voice
Judges want to learn about you, in your words. It's important that your personal voice comes through in your
essay. If you pick words out of a thesaurus that you wouldn't use in conversation, it will show.
Two applicants might write about their experiences working at a fast food restaurant. An essay filled with personal
reflections and vivid descriptions will stand out over an essay that recounts a routine of punching a clock and
sweeping floors.

This doesn't mean judges are looking for flowery prose. One of the most memorable essays Thurman has read
simply described the poverty the applicant witnessed near his home, close to the Mexican border. "It seemed real.
It wasn't abstract," she says.

No Details
An essay that's too broad probably won't include much in the way of detail or emotion. This can leave judges
wondering if the topic is something you truly care about or something you chose out of convenience.

Ross says if applicants write about changing the world they should "give examples of how they've made a
difference."
An applicant who claims to be ambitious should "show that they've taken some kind of initiative, not just gone
along with a club," Thurman says.

Forgetting the Basics
If your grammar and spelling are awful, you automatically reduce your chances of making round two. It's so
important scholarship experts feel it can't be repeated enough: proofread, proofread, proofread.

"We're not necessarily looking for the best writer, but it's got to be competent," Thurman says.
The Art of Letters
Roxana Hadad, Derived from Fast Web/Making It Count Faculty Newsletter/January-2008

Applying for scholarships can be a complicated process, from gathering the paperwork, getting recommendations,
writing application essays and meeting the deadline. Good letters accomplish two things: they make the process
more efficient, and they display maturity and professionalism to the selection committee.

Below are some essential letter tips that just might make yours the winning application. And don't forget, as more
scholarship providers move online, the rules for etiquette in correspondence apply to email too.

Application Request: To request an application for a scholarship, inform the provider of where you learned
about the award and why you are eligible for it. Be brief - you'll have the chance to sell them in your application.
Be sure to provide your correct mailing address. Also, request the application early to leave enough time for you
to submit a strong application packet.

Sample #1

Recommendation Request: When requesting a recommendation letter for a scholarship (or a college application),
select someone who has worked closely with you and who understands the award you're applying for.

Be sure to leave ample time for the recommender to write the letter and send it in by the deadline. Give no less
than three weeks' notice.

Provide the recommender with all the information they need to write the letter:
             Remind them of the contact you have had with them (the specific class, extracurricular activities,
                etc.).
             Let them know what the scholarship committee is looking for and how you fulfill those
                requirements, so that they know what to emphasize in the letter.
             Provide your contact information.
             Make sure they are aware of the deadline date.
             Include transcripts, portfolios, resumes or any other information you have that will help the
                recommender write a strong letter.
             Don 't forget to thank your recommender.

Sample #2
For more information, check out:
Earning Your Letter of Rec
Letters of Recommendation for Your College Application
Thank you: Once you've won a scholarship, be sure to thank the provider for selecting you as a recipient. Let
them know you are honored by their selection, and let them know specifically how you will apply the award toward
your education. Provide them with updated contact information to ensure you receive any additional materials.

Sample #3

One Example of an Application Request

[Date]

Ms. Jane Doe
Environmental Foundation Scholarship
123 E. 60th Street
Washington, D.C. 12345-9876

Dear Ms. Doe,

I learned about the Environmental Foundation Scholarship you are offering from FastWeb and am interested in
applying for the award. I am a freshman at State University, where I have been majoring in biology and have been
very active in the Environmental Club. Upon graduation, I hope to continue my studies in graduate school so that I
can eventually achieve my goal of becoming an environmental scientist.
I believe my credentials fit well with this award, and I would appreciate it if you would provide me with the
application and any other information about the scholarship.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Sarah Parks
456 Elm Road
New York, NY 10006

Another Example of an Application Request

[Date]

Professor William Kelly
4632 Doheny Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90036

Dear Professor Kelly,

I am applying for the Shakespeare Scholarship and would like to request a letter of recommendation from you on
my behalf. I was in your British Literature class last semester, and I really appreciated the time and assistance
you offered me and all your students. My writing skills improved dramatically and I gained a better understanding
of British literature. I have since taken what I learned in your class and applied it to my work as a volunteer at
Local School District 34. After graduation, I hope to pursue a career in English secondary education to encourage
an appreciation for literature.

The Shakespeare Scholarship is for students who are interested in English education, have academic
achievement and have worked with the community. Please focus on these areas when composing the letter. You
can find a more detailed description of my extracurricular activities and goals in the attached resume.

I would appreciate it if you would send the attached evaluation form and your letter of recommendation in the
enclosed stamped self-addressed envelope by [four weeks from the letter's date]. Thank you very much for your
help in this application process.

Sincerely,

Steven Miller
456 Maple Road
New York, NY 10016

Example of a Thank You

[Date]

Ms. Jane Doe
Awareness Scholarship Foundation
652 W. 30th Street
Chicago, IL 60657

Dear Ms. Doe,

Thank you for selecting me as the recipient of the Awareness Foundation's College Scholarship. Please extend
my thanks to the entire scholarship committee and all those connected with the selection process. I am proud and
honored that I have been chosen as a Foundation Scholar. I am also very grateful to your organization for
providing me with an opportunity to achieve my educational goals and continue my studies in urban planning.

Should you need to contact me, please feel free to call me at (312) 555-8989, email me at sample@address.com
or write me at the address below. Thank you again for your generosity.

Sincerely,
Chris Diehl
3820 Lakeview Rd.
Denver, CO 80202