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The Haunted House
 Den to Let
 By Gareth Owen
To let                          Property is southward facing
One self-contained              And can be found
Detached den.                   Within a short walking distance
Accommodation is compact        Of the back door
Measuring one yard square       At bottom of garden
Ideal for two eight-year-olds   Easily found in the dark
Plus one small dog              By following the smell of old cabbages and tea bags
Or two cats                     Convenience escape routes
Or six gerbils.                 Past rubbish-dump
Accommodation consists of       To Seager’s Lane
One living room                 Through hole in hedge
Which doubles as kitchen        Or into next door’s garden
Bedroom                         But beware of next door’s rhinoceros
Entrance-hall                   Who sometimes thinks he’s a poodle
Dining-room                     Construction is
Dungeon                         Sound corrugated iron
Space capsule                   And roof doubles as a shower
Pirate boat                     During rainy weather
Covered wagon                   Being partially underground
Racing car                      Den makes
Palace                          A particularly effective hiding place
Aeroplane                       When in a state of war
Junk-room                       With older sisters
And look-out post               Brothers
                                Angry neighbours
                                Or when you simply want to be alone.
Some repair work needed
To north wall
Where Mr Spencer’s foot came through
When planting turnips last Thursday
With den go all contents
One carpet - very smelly
One teapot – cracked
One woolly penguin –
No beak and only one wing
One unopened tin
Of sultana pud
One hundred and three Beanos
Dated 1983 – 1985
And four Rupert annuals
Rent is free
The only payment being
That the new occupant
Should care for the den
In the manner to which it has become accustomed
And on long summer evenings
Heroic songs of days gone by
Should be sung loudly
So that old and glorious days will never be forgotten.
Part 1

The class explores a number of sites where houses are for sale and the teacher
copies and pastes a range of property descriptions into a word document and
then mover them to the pick-up zone in NEO Share.

Children open the descriptions on their NEO 2s and in one file keep a list of
words and phrases used by Estate Agents to persuade us to buy.

In another file keep a list of abbreviations etc used by Estate Agents.
Part 2

Ask the children to write down a list of rooms they may find in a haunted house.
Explain that the humour usually works best if they understate the ghostly

Create a list using a colon in producing a list of key features
Part 3

Share some of the first paragraphs with the rest of the class using NEO Share.
Discuss what works well.

Ask the children to now list ‘other interesting features’
Part 4

To complete the presentation the children should describe the haunted house’s
location and neighbourhood and set a price (this does not have to be monetary)

Remind them of possible connectives such as:
To conclude
In conclusion
In summary
Summing up
Estate Agent Speak
Benefits From
In Need of Modernisation
Internal Viewing Recommended
Mature Garden
Priced to Sell

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